Campaign advice

[Spence Morris]

“.... Rule number two is, Never be specific. Never commit yourself to any
definite plan or act, since you have no control

over the future and might not be able to fulfill your promises. Thus, talk
in generalities. Say you’re going to make things

better--but never say just how. Always point out what’s wrong with the
forest: but don’t think you have to say what you would

do to amend it. Above all, no matter what group your talking to, whether
it's the boars, the rabbits, the deer, the hawks, the

turtles---whatever!---remember to tell them how grateful you are for their
support, how highly you think of them, how much

you're going to do for them once you get into office, and how their skill,
enterprise, and love of forest will overcome any

obstacles and lead to a better tomorrow for us all. Get the idea? In
short, tell them they're just great, even if you can’t

stand them and they've done more harm than good to this forest, and just
keep assuring everyone that bright happy days

are coming if you get elected! Believe me, the animals in this forest are
so stupid that they'll cheer you on and think you're

the greatest thing since a warm spring."

--campaign advice from the snake to the ass

"The Polity of Beasts"

The politically incorrect novel the New York Times refused to review.