Address to the world, 4Jul03
BigRedWingsFan
time to laugh. It is a little tongue-in-cheek humor for reading and
laughing. This is a fictitious speech not yet delivered (and not likely to
be either, but I think it should)... it takes place in the future. Thanks
to Earl Roe, SGM, USA (RET) in Michigan. Marty
What follows is the text of a presidential address given by President Bush
on July 4, 2003. The source of this material remains unidentified.
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The
discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been
covered thoroughly in the press. An new Iraqi government has been
established and appears to be stable.
Our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The
United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed
there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi
Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your
own damn problems. Need help? Call Germany.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you and all your relatives from the face of the
earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.
Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like everybody
has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War
II. Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose.
Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Yank yer
heads outta rectal defilade and work out a peace deal. Just note that Camp
David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They
have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don
't give a damn about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to
some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a
couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm
gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your
oil. Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of xenophobia. My response is simple and direct: if
you can play that word in Scrabble, do it as soon as your turn comes round.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.
I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help
folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying
enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from
America.
We will develop energy independence. We will restructure our nation for its
isolationist destiny.
I will be sending legislation to Congress tomorrow proposing the first
actions that that august body should take as we move in a new direction.
Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term of office. The First
Lady and I will retire to our Texas ranch and have some fun. Laura and I
have been talking about takin' one of those cruises up to Alaska.
Personally, I could care less who gets elected in 2004. Throw a little
fascism into the mix and elect Senator Clinton. She can appoint the
editorial board of the New York Times to her Cabinet.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
PcolaPhil
that some. But if I may, I might like to reproduce this and send it
to my honorable congressman and the two dingleberry senators from the
Great State of Florida.
--
PcolaPhil
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things.
The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling,
which thinks nothing is worth a war, is worse. A man who has
nothing which he cares more about than his own personal
safety is a miserable creature, and has no chance of being free
unless he is made free and kept so by the exertions of better
men than him."
- - John Stuart Mill
From the book "The Soul of America"
"BigRedWingsFan" <bigredw...@go.spamfree.com> wrote in message
news:itNia.600$ud4.4...@feed2.centurytel.net...
BigRedWingsFan
"PcolaPhil" <flare...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:RnOia.6511$4P1.4...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
: I'm not to certain of the total isolationist bit, have to think on
: that some. But if I may, I might like to reproduce this and send it
: to my honorable congressman and the two dingleberry senators from the
: Great State of Florida.
Help yourself! I agree on the total isolationalism also, sorta impractical
in this day & age.
Marty
:
: --
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: |
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Charlie Wolf
<bigredw...@go.spamfree.com> wrote:
>
>"PcolaPhil" <flare...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
>news:RnOia.6511$4P1.4...@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
>: I'm not to certain of the total isolationist bit, have to think on
>: that some. But if I may, I might like to reproduce this and send it
>: to my honorable congressman and the two dingleberry senators from the
>: Great State of Florida.
>
>Help yourself! I agree on the total isolationalism also, sorta impractical
>in this day & age.
>
Yea - but we can dream can't we??
Regards,
Tom Hughes
SMSgt Thomas L Hughes (Ret)
210th PA. Vol. Inf
www.geocities.com/wallstreet/3958/penn210.html
"A transplanted Yankee deep in enemy territory"(TX)