CONJ: Relationships / Matrimony
Nolan M. Gisser
From: Nolan M. Gisser
Good Day,
I have recently been estranged from
a long term relationship
with CFS/CFIDS patient. I am presently
looking for answers or any
feedback offered by group/moderators with
regard to relationships,
difficulties relating to condition, and
whether it is realistic for one to
expect to have a "normal" relationship given
today's stressful society.
I have much to offer in the way of experience
with strategies that do
work. Unfortunately, I dont have all of the
answers. Please respond to
me on this newsgroup or E-Mail at
10347...@compuserve.com.
All responses will be promptly replied to.
Thank you for your interest!
Cordially,
Nolan M. Gisser
Hal Guentert
Dear Nolan,
I have also had problems related to CFIDS and a sleep disorder when I was
married. The symptoms of fatigue, headaches, brain fog, and the leg tingling
caused by Restless Leg Syndrome (myclonus) were hitting me and although my
wife was a Registered Nurse, I was being told it was all due to allergy
problems even though I protested that allergies should'nt be this severe and
devastating overnight.
To make matters worse, I was working 12 hour days, had 2 young step
daughters who needed a lot of attention, and my wife's grieving problems
with the death of her former husband restarted after our marriage. Although
I tried to work things out as best I could, the odds were against me and I
was just over stressed at home and work. It would have helped to at least
have had a correct diagnosis of CFIDS and RLS to work with, but many times
for PWC's it takes years of getting the medical run around before making
progress. I and my wife also had been brain washed as to the stigma and
effects of anti-depressants and that they should be avoided at all costs.
I guess that I find it hard to imagine a normal relationship with a healthy
person at this point. I have not given up, but I feel that I will have to
get back to being closer to living a normal life before I can reasonably
expect to establish a meaningful relationship. I was picky when I was
healthy, so I have to admit that I would have problems dating someone
chronically ill myself, and would be disappointed to find out that they were
hiding something as devastating as this illness has been to me. My main goal
to continue to search for something that works and work for better treatment
by the CDC, the medical community, and insurers. We are definately new age
lepers at this point and I would like to see a tougher stand on issues such
as the misuse of research funds and worldwide use of M.E. versus CFS/CFIDS.
We need to move toward gaining credability instead of shooting ourselves in
the foot on every issue.
I am also concerned to see a very causual attitude toward the potential for
giving this illness to another person. It isn't something I take lightly,
and I think it could be as easy to spread as herpes which can be found in
about any bar in the country at happy hour. (Just ask any bartender how
important it is to use bleach in the rinse water.) My guess is that many
more people have this virus than what I have heard estimated. Not all
viruses show up immediately, so I don't think we can make many good
assumptions yet. I hope it is something more like toxic heavy metals and can
be reversed.
Best Wishes,
Hal