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bait-baazi

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Zuhra

unread,
May 17, 2012, 2:58:36 PM5/17/12
to
Khawaateen o Hazraat, aadaab.

meN ALUP meN bait-baazi kaa silsilah shuru' karna chahtii hooN, ummeed
hai jab kabhi aap ko yahaaN aane kaa mauqa' mile gaa to aap is thread
meN zaroor hissah leN ge. to bait-baazi kaa aaGhaaz karti hooN Majeed
Amjad ke is she'r se....

Khayaal e yaar, tire silsile nashoN ki ruteN
jamaal e yaar, tiri jhalkiyaaN gulaab ke phool

so agla she'r 'laam' se shuru' honaa chaahiye.

Vijay Kumar

unread,
May 17, 2012, 5:00:10 PM5/17/12
to
firaaq gorakhpurii ka she'r:

log jo kucch bhii kaheN terii sitamkeshii ko
ham to in baatoN ko achha na buraa kehte haiN

'nuun'

Vijay

Zuhra

unread,
May 17, 2012, 9:55:11 PM5/17/12
to
Iqbal kaa she'r:

naGhmah kujaa o man kujaa, saaz e suKhan bahaanah eest
soo e qitaar, mii kasham naaqah e be-zamaam raa

tarjamah (jo mere Khayaal meN is she'r kaa hai) :

meN kahaaN, aur shaa'irii kahaaN; yeh to sirf ek bahanah hai be-zamaam
ooNT (muraad hai qaum) ko qitaar meN laane kaa.

'alif' se aglaa she'r ho gaa.

v

unread,
May 18, 2012, 12:33:24 AM5/18/12
to
miir ka sher

ab to chalte hai.n maykade se meer
phir milenge agar Khudaa laayaa

alif again.

Anil Kala

unread,
May 18, 2012, 1:11:34 AM5/18/12
to
l kaa she'r:
> >
> > naGhmah kujaa o man kujaa, saaz e suKhan bahaanah eest
> > soo e qitaar, mii kasham naaqah e be-zamaam raa
> >
> > tarjamah (jo mere Khayaal meN is she'r kaa hai) :
> >
> > meN kahaaN, aur shaa'irii kahaaN; yeh to sirf ek bahanah hai be-zamaam
> > ooNT (muraad hai qaum) ko qitaar meN laane kaa.
> >
> > 'alif' se aglaa she'r ho gaa.


aalam kisii hakiim ka baaNdha tilism hai
kuch ho to aitbaar ho is kaainaat ka

Vijay

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May 18, 2012, 2:35:05 AM5/18/12
to
Shakiil ks she'r:

ab to aaNkhoN par Gam-e-hastii ke parde paR gae
ab koii hus'n-e-mujjassam be niqaab aaya to kyaa

'alif' again!

In this kind of exercise, 'alif' will always be over represented; but
nothing wrong with that.

Ravi sahib, IIRC, miir said 'ab to jaate haiN 'butkade' se miir.

Anil Kala

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May 18, 2012, 4:13:58 AM5/18/12
to

> Shakiil ks she'r:
>
> ab to aaNkhoN par Gam-e-hastii ke parde paR gae
> ab koii hus'n-e-mujjassam be niqaab aaya to kyaa
>
> 'alif' again!
>
> In this kind of exercise, 'alif' will always be over represented; but
> nothing wrong with that.
>
> Ravi sahib, IIRC, miir said 'ab to jaate haiN 'butkade' se miir.


jaane kyuN.......

aayaa hai mujhe phir yaad woh zaalim guzra zamaana bachpan ka
haaye re akele choR ke jaana aur na aanaa bachpan ka


Vijay Kumar

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May 18, 2012, 4:18:38 AM5/18/12
to
A she'r with a unique perspective, by Dr. Pir Zada Qasim:

adaakaarii meN bhii sau qarb ke pehluu nikal aae
ki fankaaraana rote the magar aaNsuu nikal aae

'ye'

v

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May 18, 2012, 8:59:33 AM5/18/12
to
ye dil ye jigar ye neende.n ye qaraar
ishq me.n dene paDte hai.n nazraane bahut

te

Zuhra

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May 18, 2012, 12:11:44 PM5/18/12
to
> > 'ye'- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

tum se rooThe bhii bohat aur tumheN chaahaa bhii bohat
rooThnaa yaad hai, chaahat ka naheeN koii hisaab

(Zahra Nigah)

'be'

Vijay

unread,
May 18, 2012, 4:01:06 PM5/18/12
to
wah wah! what a wonderful she'r!

Here is a famous one by Zauq:

behtar to hai yihii ki na dunya se dil lage
par kya kreN jo kaam na be-dillagii chale

'ye' again!

Vijay

v

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May 19, 2012, 9:05:07 AM5/19/12
to
Yeh baat tarke ta'alluq ke baad ham samjhe
kisii se tarke ta'alluq bhee ik ta'alluq hai

anon

ye again

Zuhra

unread,
May 19, 2012, 10:12:12 AM5/19/12
to
> Vijay- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Vijay saahab, koi ta'ajub naheeN keh aap ko yeh she'r pasand aayaa, wo
is liye keh yeh she'r likhne se pehle Zahra Nigah ke zehn meN Faiz ki
ek nazm thii. ab aap bataaeN wo kon si nazm ho sakti hai :)

Zuhra

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May 19, 2012, 10:16:48 AM5/19/12
to
yeh haadisah mujhe hairaan kar geyaa sar-e-shaam
jo zaKhm subh milaa thaa woh bhar geyaa sar-e-shaam

Pir Zada Qasim

'meem'

Vijay

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May 19, 2012, 11:47:55 AM5/19/12
to
This can be quite easy or rather difficult, Zuhra sahiba:-) Dostoevsky
supposedly remarked that all Russian literature flew from Gogol's
'Overcoat'; similarly, IMO, all romantic Urdu poetry dealing with
nostalgia of mixed pleasure/pain, owes its existence to Faiz's 'raqiib
se'. Zahra Nigah may have a different naz'm in mind; in which case
please tell us.

Thanks for starting this thread.

Regards,

Vijay

Vijay

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May 19, 2012, 11:50:21 AM5/19/12
to
On May 19, 3:16 pm, Zuhra <zuhra...@gmail.com> wrote:
> yeh haadisah mujhe hairaan kar geyaa sar-e-shaam
> jo zaKhm subh milaa thaa woh bhar geyaa sar-e-shaam
>
> Pir Zada Qasim
>
> 'meem'
>

maqaam Faiz koii raah meN jaNcha hii nahiiN
ham kuu-e-yaar se nikle to suu-e-daar chale

'ye'

Vijay

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May 19, 2012, 11:56:48 AM5/19/12
to
Oops! 'flew'---> 'flowed'

Naseer

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May 19, 2012, 12:33:19 PM5/19/12
to
On May 19, 4:56 pm, Vijay <guz...@hotmail.com> wrote:

> > This can be quite easy or rather difficult, Zuhra sahiba:-) Dostoevsky
> > supposedly remarked that all Russian literature flew from Gogol's
> > 'Overcoat'; similarly, IMO, all romantic Urdu poetry dealing with
> > nostalgia of mixed pleasure/pain, owes its existence to Faiz's 'raqiib
> > se'.  Zahra Nigah may have a different naz'm in mind; in which case
> > please tell us.
>
> > Thanks for starting this thread.
>
> > Regards,
>
> > Vijay
>
> Oops! 'flew'---> 'flowed'

Vijay Sahib, when one is in the dizzy heights, one's thoughts have no
choice but to soar high!:-)

Zuhra

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May 19, 2012, 5:56:56 PM5/19/12
to
On May 19, 11:50 am, Vijay <guz...@hotmail.com> wrote:

>
> maqaam Faiz koii raah meN jacha hii nahiiN
> jo kuu-e-yaar se nikle to suu-e-daar chale
>
> 'ye'

yeh kyaa tilism hai, yeh kis ki yaasmeeN baaheN
chiRak gaii haiN jahaaN dar jahaaN gulaab ke phool

kis inhamaak se beThii kasheed kartii hai
'aroos-e-gul bah qabaa-e-jahaaN gulaab ke phool

'laam'

Zuhra

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May 19, 2012, 5:54:11 PM5/19/12
to
naheeN, 'raqeeb se' naheeN balke Faiz kaa likhaa huaa 'nauhah' thaa
Zahra Nigah ke saamne jis kaa pehlaa she'r hai:

mujhko shikwah hai mire bhaaii keh tum jaate hue
le ga'e saath mirii 'umr e guzashtah kiii kitaab

ZN ne yeh she'r apne marhoom bhaii ke liye likhaa thaa.

Vijay

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May 19, 2012, 6:31:58 PM5/19/12
to
:-)

Vijay

unread,
May 19, 2012, 6:32:59 PM5/19/12
to
Thanks for the reference Zuhra sahiba. I wouldn't have guessed it.

Vijay

Vijay

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May 19, 2012, 6:57:42 PM5/19/12
to
A change of mood: (Khialid Masood)

laRkii waale jinn kaDhwaane laae the
laRkii kaDDh ke le gaya piir, kamiina sa:-)

But I will go with this by Jigar, if only to end with something other
than an 'alif' or 'ye':-)

laazim Khudii ka hosh bhii hai beKhudii ke saath
kiskii use Khabar jise apnii Khabar na ho

'vow'

v

unread,
May 19, 2012, 9:33:17 PM5/19/12
to
time for a different ending

vo kyaa rukegaa bhalaa chaar boo.nd kee Khaatir
jo aa rahaa ho samandar ko maar kar Thokar

nadeem shaad

're'

Vijay

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May 20, 2012, 2:39:18 AM5/20/12
to
On May 20, 2:33 am, v <kumar.vr...@gmail.com> wrote:
> time for a different ending
>
> vo kyaa rukegaa bhalaa chaar boo.nd kee Khaatir
> jo aa rahaa ho samandar ko maar kar Thokar
>
> nadeem shaad
>
> 're'
>

bohat Khoob.

're' pe Khuda-e-suKhan ka ik she'r, un ke apne hii Khusuusi aNdaaz
meN:

reham kiia kar, lut'f kiia kar, puucchh liia kar, aaKhir hai
miir apna, Gam-Kh'waar apna, phir zaar apna, biimaar apna!

'alif'

v

unread,
May 20, 2012, 7:51:04 AM5/20/12
to
vijay saab

sher samjhaa bhi deejiye.

have mercy, enjoy yourself, ask
after all miir is our own, our confidant, our lover??

but carrying forth the mashaal

apne hee Gam se nahee.n miltee najaat
is binaa pe fikre aalam kyaa kare.n

daaG dehalvii

'noon' se

Vijay

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May 20, 2012, 10:35:01 AM5/20/12
to
On May 20, 12:51 pm, v <kumar.vr...@gmail.com> wrote:
> vijay saab
>
> sher samjhaa bhi deejiye.
>
> have mercy, enjoy yourself, ask
> after all miir is our own, our confidant, our lover??
>
> but carrying forth the mashaal
>
> apne hee Gam se nahee.n miltee najaat
> is binaa pe fikre aalam kyaa kare.n
>
> daaG dehalvii
>
> 'noon' se

Ravi sahib, pehle to do ik lafzoN kii wazaahat kar duuN. lafz-
e-'lut'f' idhar ba-ma'ani hamdardii, meharbaani ya karm-farmaaii
istemaal huua hai. apni fahrist meN aap 'Gam-Kh'waar Daalna bhuul gae,
jiske ma'ani aap ko zaruur ma'aluum hii hoNge. 'zaar' lafz ke ma'ani
haiN 'Khasta haal', afflicted, lamentable, wounded etc. aur 'biimaar'
mere Khyall meN istemaal huua hai 'unrequited lover' ke ma'ani se.
vaise 'ailing' ke ma'ani se bhii chal sakta hai.

I hope the meaning is becoming a bit clearer.

To translate literally, seemingly, one friend (probably raqiib, ?
erstwhile raazdaaN) is exhorting another (miir 's object of affection,
probably) to pay a visit, ask after an unfortunate mutual friend,
someone called 'miir'. The beauty of course is that 'miir' himself is
writing this, projecting himself in the third person. The effect is of
him asking his beloved to 'please' pay some attention to him as he is
suffering in so many ways and all because of her. And look at the use
of various adjectives, economy and beauty of joining phrases like
'aaKhir hai' 'phir' etc.

I have said it before on ALUP I think, that a good she'r is like a
good 'joke', i.e. if you have to explain.......

About your she'r, could you please check the first line? For purposes
of meter, I think it should be:

apne Gam hii se nahiiN miltii najaat

And to move the candle on:

na laR naseh se Galib, kya huua gar usne shiddatt kii
hamaar bhii to aaKhir zor chalta hai gariibaaN par!

're'

Zuhra sahiba, can we consider a rule change? In order to avoid
disproportionate abundance of vowel endings I propose that when the
she'r ends in a vowel, the responder should have the option of using
either the vowel, or the consonant to which the vowel sound is
attached. So, for example, 'aate' aisa' 'uskii'' 'khulaa' etc. can
generate, depending on the preference of the responder, either the
'ye' 'alif' 'baRii ye' or 'te' 'seen' 'kaaf' 'laam' etc. What do you
think?


Vijay



Anil Kala

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May 20, 2012, 12:03:51 PM5/20/12
to
> And to move the candle on:
>
> na laR naseh se Galib, kya huua gar usne shiddatt kii
> hamaar bhii to aaKhir zor chalta hai gariibaaN par!
>
> 're'
>

RaNg baaNdha hai chaman men ye fuGHaaN ne meri
Chupke muNh dekhte rehte haiN anaadil mera


re or alif

Zuhra

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May 21, 2012, 3:09:15 PM5/21/12
to
shukria, Vijay saahab. achhi tajweez hai. meN she'r ke aaKhri harf ki
bajaa'e pehle misre kaa aaKhri harf istemaal karne ke baare meN soch
rahi thi kyoN ke wo 'umooman ye/alif par Khatm naheeN hotaa hai,
magar aap ki tajweez behtar hai.

Zuhra

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May 21, 2012, 3:13:24 PM5/21/12
to
is shehr e be-charaaGh meN jaa'e gii tu kahaaN
aa ae shab-e-firaaq tujhe ghar hii le chaleN

(Nasir Kazmi)

'noon'

Vijay

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May 21, 2012, 4:41:07 PM5/21/12
to
yeh she'r bhii mujhe bohat pasaNd hai. iske piichhe aik kahaani hai,
lekin voh kahaani phir sahii. filhaal to 'nuun' se zafar ka aik she'r:

nasha-e-ishq ka gar zarf diia tha mujhko
um'r ka taNg na paimaana banaaya hota

'te' 'alif'





v

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May 21, 2012, 8:55:37 PM5/21/12
to
>
> nasha-e-ishq ka gar zarf diia tha mujhko
> um'r ka taNg na paimaana banaaya hota
>
> 'te' 'alif'

tum abhii shahar me.n kyaa naye aaye ho
ruk gaye raah me.n haadisaa dekh kar

bashiir badr

're'

Urdu IT

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May 22, 2012, 12:40:01 AM5/22/12
to
Ab Sanwarty Raho Blaa Say Meri....Dil Nay Sarkar Khudkushi Kar Li.

Anil Kala

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May 22, 2012, 2:50:25 AM5/22/12
to
> > um'r ka taNg na paimaana banaaya hota
> >
> > 'te' 'alif'
>
> tum abhii shahar me.n kyaa naye aaye ho
> ruk gaye raah me.n haadisaa dekh kar
>
> bashiir badr
>
> 're'

rah gayi KHaak, chitaa jal gayi meri
ab to aawaaz guunjti hai shahr men meri.

- Mukhtalif

Vijay

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May 22, 2012, 4:39:23 AM5/22/12
to
she'r Khuub hai Anil sahib, lekin pehle misre ko waz'n meN laane kii
liie abhii kuchh mehnat darkaar hai!

'ye' se Nasi Kaazmi ka she'r pesh hai:

yeh haqiiqat hai ki ehbaab ko ham
yaad hii kab the jo ab yaad nahiN!

'nuun'

v

unread,
May 22, 2012, 5:04:34 AM5/22/12
to
my current favourite is this couplet by prof barelvii. i just love it.

nahee.n chalne lagee yoo.n mere peechhe
ye duniyaa maine Thukraaee bahut hai

he or ye

Vijay

unread,
May 22, 2012, 5:19:05 AM5/22/12
to
'ye' se Nasir Kaazmi ka hii aik aur muKhtasar sa she'r jo mujhe bohat
pasaNd hai:

yaad aataa hai roz-o-shab koii
ham se ruuTha hai be-sabab koii

'vow'

Zuhra

unread,
May 22, 2012, 7:28:55 AM5/22/12
to
> 'vow'- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

Vijay saahab, ek aur post meN NK ke she'r ke muta'alliq jis kahaani
kaa zikr kiyaa hai aap ne woh zaroor bataaiye gaa jab waqt mile.

Muhsin Naqvi kaa ek sher:

woh aaj bhii sadiyoN kii masaafat peh khaRaa hai
DhooNDaa thaa jise waqt kii deewaar giraa kar

're'

v

unread,
May 22, 2012, 8:26:54 AM5/22/12
to
on the cusp of day and night in India, so thought of this bashir badr couplet

raat kaa intizaar kaun kare
aaj kal din me.n kyaa nahee.n hotaa

'te' or 'alif'

Vijay

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May 22, 2012, 11:25:21 AM5/22/12
to
On May 22, 1:26 pm, v <kumar.vr...@gmail.com> wrote:
> on the cusp of day and night in India, so thought of this bashir badr couplet
>
> raat kaa intizaar kaun kare
> aaj kal din me.n kyaa nahee.n hotaa
>
> 'te' or 'alif'
>
Ahmed Faraz ka aik she'r, alif se.

aab-e-zam-zam dost laae haiN abas
ham jo piite haiN voh paani aur hai

jab maiN Canada meN rehta thaa to hamaare sheh'r meN bazm-e-adab ke
naam se aik adbi mehmil huua kartii thii jis meN 6-7 maqaamii sho'ra
apna kalaam sunaane aur doosroN ka sun ne ke liie ikaTThe hote the
(ziaadah to apna sunaane ke liie:-)). maiN bhii sun ne ke liie pohaNch
jaata thaa (Khaas kar Raj Kumar Qais sahib ka kalaam sun ne). aik bar
yeh nishasht mere ghar lagii. Raj sahib sadar the. unkii aik taraf
Khurshiid shib (jo kabhii ALUP ke paasbaaN hote the) aur doosarii
taraf Yash Pal ji tashriif farma the. Khurshiid sahib to musalim hone
ke naate sharaab nahiiN piite the aur Yash jii pakke Hindu hone kii
wajeh se. chuuN kih Raj ji sadr-e-mehfil the, maiN ne unse pehle
puucchha ki voh kya leNge piine ke liie. bina kisii bhi hichkichaahaT
ke Raj sahib bole ki Vijay sahib:

aab-e-zam -zam in ko, gaNga jal inheN
ham jo piite haiN voh paani aur hai:-)

'he' ya 'ye'

v

unread,
May 22, 2012, 8:58:51 PM5/22/12
to
wah sahab. raj kumar saab ka version zyaadah pasand aayaa aur zyaadaa meter me.n lagaa!

Khair jab ek do lafz badal diye gaye ho.n to kyaa credit original shaayar ko jaataa hai?

'abas' yaani 'avash' - without having control over, is that right?

> aab-e-zam -zam in ko, gaNga jal inheN
> ham jo piite haiN voh paani aur hai:-)
>
> 'he' ya 'ye'

kaif bhopaali saahab kee kitaab paDh rahaa thaa. jaane kyo.n ye sher achchhaa lagaa

ham taraste hii, taraste hii, taraste hii rahe
vo falaane se, falaane se, falaane se mile

'laam' yaa 'ye'

Zuhra

unread,
May 22, 2012, 10:48:17 PM5/22/12
to
'abas = be-kaar (meN)

'laam' se she'r:

likhaa rakkhaa hai ehd e tark e ulfat
magar dil dastaKhat kartaa naheeN hai

'he/ye'

Vijay Kumar

unread,
May 23, 2012, 4:52:50 AM5/23/12
to
she'r acchha hai aur takraar-e-lafzi kii behtriin misaal hai, Ravi
sahib.

aap ke siwaal ke jawaab meN arz hai ki agar kisii ke she'r ka misra
istemaal kiia jaae to 'credit' zaruur 'original' sha'ar ko hii jaata
hai. bohat sii misaaleN haiN aisii jidhar asaatiza ke misre istemaal
huue haiN, khiraaj-e-aqiidat ke taur pe.

jaise yeh, Gulzar kii aik naz'm se:

huii hai tujh se jo nisbat, usii kaa sadqaa hai
'vagrna shahr meN Galib kii aabruu kya hai'

Regards,

Vijay

Vijay Kumar

unread,
May 23, 2012, 4:56:04 AM5/23/12
to
> 'he/ye'- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

'ye' se Dr. Pir Zada Qasim ka ik she'r

yeh sochte haiN kis tarah, zamiir ko bachaaiNge
yuuN hi agar jiia kiie, zaroortoN ke darmyaaN

'nuun'

v

unread,
May 23, 2012, 8:38:25 PM5/23/12
to

> 'ye' se Dr. Pir Zada Qasim ka ik she'r
>
> yeh sochte haiN kis tarah, zamiir ko bachaaiNge
> yuuN hi agar jiia kiie, zaroortoN ke darmyaaN
>
> 'nuun'

ye sher aaj kal idhar kam dikhane vaale naseer saahab kee nazr hai

nahee.n aatii to yaad unkii maheeno.n tak nahee.n aatii
magar jab yaad aate hai.n to aksar yaad aate hai.n

hasrat mohaanii

'noon' again

Zuhra

unread,
May 24, 2012, 8:52:29 AM5/24/12
to
na’e deevaanoN ko dekheN to Khushi hoti hai
ham bhi aise hii the jab aa’e the veeraane meN

(Ahmad Mushtaq)

'noon'

Vijay

unread,
May 24, 2012, 7:15:30 PM5/24/12
to
Ustad DaaG ka aik she'r:

na umiidii baRh gaii hai is qadar
aarzuu kii aarzuu hone lagii

'gaaf'

Zoya

unread,
May 24, 2012, 8:03:12 PM5/24/12
to
>
> na umiidii baRh gaii hai is qadar
> aarzuu kii aarzuu hone lagii
>
> 'gaaf'

gaye dinoN ka suraagh le kar kidhar se aaya kidhar gaya voh
ajiib maanuus ajnabi tha, mujhe to hairaan kar gaya voh

Nasir Kazmi

aadaab arz hai, Vijay sahib :)

How about 'vaao' next ?

BGM

unread,
May 24, 2012, 9:12:28 PM5/24/12
to
woh jin ke hote haiN Khursheed aasteenoN meN
unhe kahiiN se bulaa'o baRaa andheraa hai"

=========================================

" he "

Vijay

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May 25, 2012, 2:18:57 AM5/25/12
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Wow! Zoya sahiba! b'kaul Qais:
meri azaaN ne namaazii jagaaeN haiN kya kya!

(agar chih, asliiat meN azaan Zuhra sahiba ne dii hai) Khair, ab aap
aur BGM sahib aae haiN to aate rahiie.

'he' se ik she'r:

huua na par na huua miir ka aNdaaz nasiib
zauq yaaroN neN bohat zor ghazal meN maaraa

're' 'alif'

BGM

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May 25, 2012, 9:56:47 AM5/25/12
to
----------------------------------------------------------

"ro ne se nahiiN Haasil, kuChh ai dil-e-saudaa'ii
aankhoN ki bhi barbaadii, daaman ki bhi ruswaa'ii"

"alif" yaa "ye"

============================================================


Vijay

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May 25, 2012, 1:26:30 PM5/25/12
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abhii haal hii meN, Ravi sahib neN Maulana Hasrat Mohani ka aik
Khuubsuurat she'r darj kiia thaa. isii zimn meN, aur mere nazdiik is
se zaraa behtar, she'r pesh hai, 'ye' se. shaa'ir ka naam hai Shamiim
Jaipurii.

yuuN to muddatt tak nahiiN aaya kabhii un ka Khyaal
aur jab aii, to un kii aisii yaad aaii, ki bas

is ghazal ko aik 'pop song' ke ruup meN Alisha Chinoy neN gaya bhii
bohat Khuub hai.

agla she'r 'seen' se.

BGM

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May 25, 2012, 2:52:42 PM5/25/12
to

yuuN to muddatt tak nahiiN aaya kabhii un ka Khyaal
> aur jab aii, to un kii aisii yaad aaii, ki bas
>
> is ghazal ko aik 'pop song' ke ruup meN Alisha Chinoy neN gaya bhii
> bohat Khuub hai.
>
> agla she'r 'seen' se.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Alisha Chinoy ki taKhleeq ki Link bhi de deN, Vijay saahab, to ham bhi enjoy kar sakeN

"Sab apnay apnay qareenay se muntazir us ke
kisii ko shukr, kisii ko shikayateN karni"

=====================================================

Vijay

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May 25, 2012, 4:30:03 PM5/25/12
to
On May 25, 7:52 pm, BGM <bgm7...@gmail.com> wrote:
> yuuN to muddatt tak nahiiN aaya kabhii un ka Khyaal> aur jab aii, to un kii aisii yaad aaii, ki bas
>
> > is ghazal ko aik 'pop song' ke ruup meN Alisha Chinoy neN gaya bhii
> > bohat Khuub hai.
>
> > agla she'r 'seen' se.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Alisha Chinoy ki taKhleeq ki Link bhi de deN, Vijay saahab, to ham bhi >enjoy kar sakeN

sar-e-tasliim Kham hai, BGM sahib. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQg3pZugFSc

She (or her musical director) has taken some liberties with the words
of the ghazal. You wil note that in the matla, the first word 'haai'
is redundant for the meter of the she'r. She has also changed the
gender from 'diwwana' to 'diwaanii'

Regards,

Vijay

Vijay

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May 26, 2012, 8:04:10 AM5/26/12
to
On May 25, 7:52 pm, BGM <bgm7...@gmail.com> wrote:
'nuun' se Miir Taqi Miir ka ik she'r:

naa-haq ham majbuuroN par yeh tohmat hai muKhtaarii kii
chahe haiN so aap kare haiN, ham ko abas badnaam kiia

'alif', 'ye' ya 'kaaf'

BGM

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May 26, 2012, 9:30:04 AM5/26/12
to

        kuChh ab ke aise kaRe thay firaaq ke mausam
        tiri hii baat nahiiN, maiN bhi kyaa se kyaa nah hu'aa!

======================================================

Zuhra

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May 26, 2012, 11:53:50 AM5/26/12
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ab kyaa kaheN k ham ko kyoN bad-gumaaniyaaN haiN
wo be-wafaa naheeN par lagtaa hai be-wafaa saa

(Faraz?)

'seen/alif'

BGM

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May 26, 2012, 12:04:36 PM5/26/12
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SukooN ki jis ko / talaash hai woh, / miTaa de nafrat / tamaam dil se
anaa ki chaadar utaar phaiNke, muHabbatoN ke chalan meN aaye

"alif" ya "ye"

===================================================================

Vijay

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May 26, 2012, 1:23:45 PM5/26/12
to
BGM sahib: something not adding up in your she'r. I wonder if the
second misra should be:

mirii hii baat nahiiN, tuu bhii kya se kya na huua!

Vijay

BGM

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May 26, 2012, 2:16:55 PM5/26/12
to
It's direct quote from Faraz's, and in meter, of course!

By the way, Janaab- Vijay saahab, shukriyah, aap me Miri farmaa'ish puurii kar dee.
Aap se yehi ummiid thee, Khush raheN

Vijay

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May 26, 2012, 4:11:51 PM5/26/12
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meter kii baat nahiiN hai BGM sahihb. misra donoN suurtoN meN hii
meter meN hai. merii soch kucch yuuN thii:

jahaaN tak urdu shaa'irii ka ta'aluq hai, hij'r/firaaq ka mausam
aashiq ke liie hii ziaada kaRa hota hai, mehbuuba ke liie kamtar, ya
bilkul bhii nahiiN. shab-e-firaaq kii jitnii bhii shikaayteN urdu
shaa'irii meN haiN voh sabhii mehbuub se mehbuuba kii taraf jaatii
haiN.

ab aap is baat ko madd-e-naz'r rakheN aur is misre ko phir se dekheN:

"tiri hii baat nahiiN, maiN bhi kyaa se kyaa nah hu'aa!"

As if the poet is saying that your suffering in 'firaaq ka mausam' is
anyway guaranteed, but this time even I wasn't spared. I just feel
that it is aashiq's suffering that is guaranteed and if mehbuuba is
also suffering, then it is an exception, because this particular
'firaaq ka mausam' was exceptionally harsh! That is why I suggested:

mirii hii baat nahiiN, tuu bhii kya se kya na huua!

Best regards,

Vijay


BGM

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May 26, 2012, 4:56:17 PM5/26/12
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Waa..h Vijay saahab, Khuub kahii aap ne.
aap ki baat se maiN sau-fisad muttafeeq huuN kih Urdu shaa'irii meN muHabbat aur visaal-o- hijr kaa ziyadah-tar "ronaa-dhonaa" meHbuub ki aur se hi hotaa hai.(Hindi meN kuChh ulTaa rivaaz hai!)

{misaal ki taur par

पूरब दिसा की चंचल बदरिया पश्चिम दिसा में जा
जा, मेरे मोहन से ये कह आ, के राधा तेरी रोये है }

is liye aap kaa sujhaa'o bilkul Theek hai aur aap kaa diyaa misra' bhi behr meN hai.

Khush raheN

Aadab arz hai.

===============================================================

Zoya

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May 26, 2012, 6:45:14 PM5/26/12
to
On Saturday, May 26, 2012 3:11:51 PM UTC-5, Vijay wrote:
> merii soch kucch yuuN thii:
>
> jahaaN tak urdu shaa'irii ka ta'aluq hai, hij'r/firaaq ka mausam
> aashiq ke liie hii ziaada kaRa hota hai, mehbuuba ke liie kamtar, ya
> bilkul bhii nahiiN. shab-e-firaaq kii jitnii bhii shikaayteN urdu
> shaa'irii meN haiN voh sabhii mehbuub se mehbuuba kii taraf jaatii
> haiN.
>
> ab aap is baat ko madd-e-naz'r rakheN aur is misre ko phir se dekheN:
>
> "tiri hii baat nahiiN, maiN bhi kyaa se kyaa nah hu'aa!"
>
> As if the poet is saying that your suffering in 'firaaq ka mausam' is
> anyway guaranteed, but this time even I wasn't spared. I just feel
> that it is aashiq's suffering that is guaranteed and if mehbuuba is
> also suffering, then it is an exception, because this particular
> 'firaaq ka mausam' was exceptionally harsh! That is why I suggested:
>
> mirii hii baat nahiiN, tuu bhii kya se kya na huua!
>
> Best regards,
>
> Vijay

Vijay sahib,

Faraz kaa yeh sh'er mujhe zubaani yaad hai aur maiN ise aksar quote kiya karti huuN, aur BGM sahib ne ghaleban ise Mehfil-e-SuKhan se copy kiya hai.

aap kii baat par maiN Kuud soch meiN paR gayi. is vaqt Kuliyat-e-Faraz mere saamne hai, aur misre kii yahii suurat hai jo mujhe yaad thi,

"tiri hii baat nahiiN, maiN bhii kya se kya na hua"

I have always understood it to mean that of course it is ok for 'mahbuub' to change,but this particular 'season' of separation was so tough that even the 'aashiq' was 'forced' to change. I hope I am making sense? The appeal of this sh'er has always been in this very idea for me.

isi ghazal meiN se meri pasand ke kuChh aur ashaar:

abhi abhi voh mila tha, hazaar baateN kiiN
abhi abhi voh gaya hai magar zamaana hua

voh raat bhuul chuko, voh suKhan na dohraayo
voh raat Khwaab huii, voh suKhan fasaana hua

shahiid-e-shab faqat Ahmad Faraz hii to nahiiN
k jo chiraagh bakaf tha, vohii nishaana hua

More later,

Zoya

Vijay

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May 27, 2012, 5:29:45 AM5/27/12
to
Ahmed Faraaz kii baat chalii hai to un kaa aik she'r unke apne
Khusuusii aNdaaz meN:

ahmed se faraaz ho chukaa huuN
par Khush nahiiN Khandaan meraa!

're' ya 'alif'

Vijay

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May 27, 2012, 5:23:46 AM5/27/12
to
Zoya sahiba:

I guess I was concentrating too much on the short separation of a
'shab-e-firaaq' kind where suffering, at least in Urdu poetry, is the
sole prerogative of 'aashiq'. Your interpretation makes a lot of sense
if one looks at the prolonged separation (laNbii judaaii) where
mehbuuba suffers (changes). Although this kind of sentiment is quite
prevalent in many a song, in Panjabi/Hindi/Urdu, it is not readily
found in Urdu ghazal. And that explains my somewhat instinctive take
on this particular she'r.

Anyway, time to get back to 'bait-baazi'. Do keep the flame burning;
you have some wonderful asha'ar in your 'haafize-kii-jhiil', to borrow
an attribute from Qais sahib!

Regards,

Vijay

v

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May 27, 2012, 7:05:24 AM5/27/12
to
>
> ahmed se faraaz ho chukaa huuN
> par Khush nahiiN Khandaan meraa!
>
> 're' ya 'alif'

na jaane kis kaa sher hai par yaad aa gayaa

achchii soorat bhii kyaa burii shay hai
jisne Daalee burii nazar Daalii

'laam' or 'ye'

Zuhra

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May 27, 2012, 9:54:57 AM5/27/12
to
yeh jaamah e sad-chaak badal lene meN kyaa thaa
muhlat hii na dii Faiz kabhi baKhiyah-garii ne!

(Faiz)

'nonn/ye'

BGM

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May 27, 2012, 10:08:02 AM5/27/12
to
neeNdoN meN phir rahaa huuN, usay DhuunDtaa hu'a
shaamil jo eik Khwaab mire rat-jagay meN thaa

"te", "he" ya "alif"

=======================================================

Vijay

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May 27, 2012, 11:01:27 AM5/27/12
to
Ravi sahib, aap ka pesh karda she'r shayad Kaif Aziimabaadi ka hai.
unhiiN ka ik she'r 'he' se:

har ik ajnabii se pata puuchhte haiN
tujhe ziNdagii ham kahaaN choR aae

'alif' 'ye'

Zuhra

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May 27, 2012, 12:56:18 PM5/27/12
to
unse jo kehne ga'e the Faiz jaaN sadaqah kiye
ankahii hii reh gaii wo baat sab baatoN ke ba'd

'daal'

Vijay

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May 27, 2012, 1:48:56 PM5/27/12
to
ustaad daagh ka she'r paesh hai:

dunya meN aadmi ko musiibat kahaaN nahiiN
voh kaun sii zamiiN hai, jahaaN aasmaaN nahiiN

'nuun'


Zoya

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May 27, 2012, 7:03:57 PM5/27/12
to
>
> 'nuun'

niiNdoN ka ratjagoN se ulajhnaa yuuN hii nahiiN
ik Khwaab-e-raayegaaN ko bachaana hai aur bas

Saleem Kausar

'seen'

Vijay

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May 27, 2012, 7:45:21 PM5/27/12
to
sakuut-e-Gam se jo guzrii na phir milii aawaaz
yahiiN kahiiN inhiiN galiioN meN kho gaii aawaaz

SaaGar Siddiquii

'ze'

BGM

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May 27, 2012, 10:44:29 PM5/27/12
to
zaraa sii baat pe har rasm toR aayaa thaa
dil-e-tabaah ne bhii kyaa mizaaj paayaa thaa

~Jaan Nisaar "aKhtar"

"te","he" Yaa " alif"

==============================================

v

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May 27, 2012, 11:43:31 PM5/27/12
to
jaan nisaar aKhtar saab kaa hee ek sher pesh hai


aur to mujhko milaa kyaa merii mehnat kaa silaa
chand sikke hai.n mere haath ke chhaalo.n kee tarah

'he'

Zuhra

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May 28, 2012, 9:32:16 AM5/28/12
to
Amjad Islam Amjad kaa ek bohat Khoob she'r:

husool e manzil e dunyaa kuchh aisa kaam nah tha
magar, jo raah meN patthar anaa ke rakkhe the

(yahaaN, anaa = zameer)

'he/ye'

Vijay Kumar

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May 28, 2012, 9:47:05 AM5/28/12
to
> 'he/ye'- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

ham ne puuchha thaa ki aaKhir yeh taGaful kab tak
muskraate huue bole ki sawaal acchha hai!

Faraaz

'he'/'ye'

BGM

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May 28, 2012, 10:54:23 AM5/28/12
to
"ham ne dekhaa hai zamaane kaa badalnaa, lekin
un ke badle hu'e tevar nahiiN dekhe jaate"

"te" yaa "ye"

======================================================

Vijay

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May 28, 2012, 1:25:52 PM5/28/12
to
tere firaaq meN jaise Khayaal muflis kaa
gaii hai fikr-e-pareshaaN kahaN kahaN merii

Miir Taqi Miir

're'

Zuhra

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May 28, 2012, 7:45:46 PM5/28/12
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> 're'- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

raat kyaa so'e k baaqii umr ki neeNd uR gaii
Khaab kyaa dekhaa k dhaRkaa lag geyaa ta'beer kaa

(Faraz)

'kaaf'

BGM

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May 28, 2012, 9:05:00 PM5/28/12
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"Kitne leHjay ke GhilaafoN meN Chhupaa luuN tujh ko
shehr waale miraa mauzuu-e-suKhan jaante haiN!"

======================================================

Vijay

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May 29, 2012, 4:49:46 AM5/29/12
to
naii sub'h par naz'r hai, magar aah yeh bhii Dar hai
yeh sahar bhii rafta rafta kahiiN shaam tak na pohaNche

Shakiil

'che'

Zuhra shaib: kya Khyaal hai ki ik naii laRii shuruu kii jaae, Bait
Baazii 2 or something? It is getting a bit cluttered here. Perhaps the
next person to respond to my she'r, can start a new thread?

Zuhra

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May 29, 2012, 2:19:58 PM5/29/12
to

>
> naii sub'h par naz'r hai, magar aah yeh bhii Dar hai
> yeh sahar bhii rafta rafta kahiiN shaam tak na pohaNche
>
> Shakiil
>
> 'che'

sab se pehle to 'che' se Munir Niazi ki nazm se ek misra yaad aayaa
"chaaroN samt andheraa ghup hai aur ghataa ghanghor". kyoN ke yahaaN
sirf ek misra naheeN pesh kiya jasakta to unka ek she'r pesh hai:

chaahi thi jaisi meN ne, unhi uljhanoN ki hai
jis zindagi meN hooN woh miri KhaahishoN ki hai

>
> Zuhra shaib: kya Khyaal hai ki ik naii laRii shuruu kii jaae, Bait
> Baazii 2 or something? It is getting a bit cluttered here. Perhaps the
> next person to respond to my she'r, can start a new thread?- Hide quoted text -
>

meraa Khyaal hai k bait-baazi ke liye nayaa thread kabhi ba'd meN
shuroo kiyaa jaa'e to behtar rahe gaa, kyoN k ab to yeh silsila pehle
hii iKhtamaam ko aa raha hai.

yahaaN, meN aap sab logoN kaa shukria adaa karna chahtii huN is thread
meN itne 'umdah ashaar pesh karne ke liye. bohat se ashaar jo yahaaN
pesh kiye ga'e mere liye na'e the isliye unheN paRh kar bohat achha
lagaa.

Vijay saahab, aap kaa Khusoosi shukria is thread ko dil-chasp andaaz
se aage baRhaane ke liye.

Best wishes,

Zuhra

Vijay

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May 29, 2012, 5:34:41 PM5/29/12
to
yeh to aap ne bohat jaldii kii Zuhra sahiba. sirf do hafte:-)? idhar
maiN soch raha thaa ki yeh laRi kam-az-kam aik do saal to chalegii
hii:-) ain mumkin thaa ka ALUP ke aur giroh aa jaate ise aage baRhane
ke liie. aur agar aisa hota to yih baat ALUP kii tariiKH kii aik
acchhi numaiNdagii aur tarjumaani kartii:-)

vaise aap ne is laRii ko Khat'm bohat Khubsuurat aur mere aik
pasaNdiidah she'r ke saath kiia hai.

Best regards,

Vijay
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