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Say, Isn't This April Fools Day?
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MARION BARRY
Apr 1, 2012, 1:55:54 PM4/1/12
to
While we await the unfolding of another April Fools Day, including
Palm
Sunday, I know many of you are late formulating your usual fake news
stories.
So, to give you a leg up on what can be daunting tasks, following are
some suggested headlines for the stories you know contain half-truths,
but will never surface in national media:
“Gingrich attacked by hogs at 4-H Club contest”
“Santorum admits to past episodes of gonorrhea”
“Ann Romney’s college boyfriend says she aborted their baby”
“Justice Scalia fitted with new colostomy”
“Doctors give Palin poor prognosis for rectal cancer”
“Inappropriate Touching: Ron Paul forced to leave Motel 6 room”
“ McCain admits to sexual favors for Viet Cong captors”
“ Christie awaits surgery to clear clogged bowels”
“Spitzer to co-host new talk show with ex-masseuse”
“Bristol Palin carrying triplets”
===
REMINDER: In case you deign to ship your news releases to The
Washington Post, under no circumstances should you dare to use the
term ASS to describe a person, place, or thing.
Palm
Sunday, I know many of you are late formulating your usual fake news
stories.
So, to give you a leg up on what can be daunting tasks, following are
some suggested headlines for the stories you know contain half-truths,
but will never surface in national media:
“Gingrich attacked by hogs at 4-H Club contest”
“Santorum admits to past episodes of gonorrhea”
“Ann Romney’s college boyfriend says she aborted their baby”
“Justice Scalia fitted with new colostomy”
“Doctors give Palin poor prognosis for rectal cancer”
“Inappropriate Touching: Ron Paul forced to leave Motel 6 room”
“ McCain admits to sexual favors for Viet Cong captors”
“ Christie awaits surgery to clear clogged bowels”
“Spitzer to co-host new talk show with ex-masseuse”
“Bristol Palin carrying triplets”
===
REMINDER: In case you deign to ship your news releases to The
Washington Post, under no circumstances should you dare to use the
term ASS to describe a person, place, or thing.
Santorum's Secret
Apr 1, 2012, 2:25:28 PM4/1/12
to
I strongly resent my connection gonorrhea.
I have, however, had a few bouts of syphilis in my time.
All successfully cured, I'll have you know.
I have, however, had a few bouts of syphilis in my time.
All successfully cured, I'll have you know.
Gray Gussie
Apr 2, 2012, 3:16:30 PM4/2/12
to
On Apr 1, 2:25 pm, "Santorum's Secret" <kink...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> I strongly resent my connection to gonorrhea.
Thank your and my Jesus Holy Christ, Mr. Santorum.
I'd hate to think I'd voted for a President who has or had an STD.
> I strongly resent my connection to gonorrhea.
>
> I have, however, had a few bouts of syphilis in my time.
>
> All successfully cured, I'll have you know.
====================
> I have, however, had a few bouts of syphilis in my time.
>
> All successfully cured, I'll have you know.
Thank your and my Jesus Holy Christ, Mr. Santorum.
I'd hate to think I'd voted for a President who has or had an STD.
Chris Crispy
Apr 2, 2012, 4:05:49 PM4/2/12
to
http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Chris-Christie-Pointing.jpg
Whoever put this item about my clogged bowels up is going down, god-
damn it!
I'll have you and my constituents know that I have a professional come
to my office each week to reduce my bowel pressure.
FYI, he's the same fellow who used to squeeze the poop out of
Christopher Reeve's bowels.
https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJJLGd_0kvQy1fz00E58fAHKB9m5M_Wp0UunuYX4SAXR0Z6qAc
Whoever put this item about my clogged bowels up is going down, god-
damn it!
I'll have you and my constituents know that I have a professional come
to my office each week to reduce my bowel pressure.
FYI, he's the same fellow who used to squeeze the poop out of
Christopher Reeve's bowels.
https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJJLGd_0kvQy1fz00E58fAHKB9m5M_Wp0UunuYX4SAXR0Z6qAc
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