74 Corny Art Jokes
Flying_Naked_People
pronunciation of them):
What kind of paper do lactose intolerant artists prefer? (acid free)
What kind of art do lazy people avoid? (action paintings)
How can you tell an artist is an airhead? (he paints in aerial perspective)
How can you tell what a picture is *really* thinking? (watch its after-image)
What kind of print just plain stinks? (a la poupee)
What kind of angles are always accused of a crime? (an angle of incidence)
How come no one believed she was really an artist? (she had no a/p)
What kind of painting likes to start fights? (aquarelle)
What did the old frame say about the younger frame? ("It's sooo armature!")
What kind of art never has opinions? (artifacts)
What kind of studio does Speedy Gonzalez use? (Atelier! Atelier!)
Why couldn't the linoleum block reproduce quality prints? (it's presser was
baren)
Why did the cat hiss at the artist's drawing? (it was made with bark paper)
What kind of charcoal washes ashore? (beech)
Why did the artist take his print to the doctor? (it was bleeding)
What kind of painting additive is happy after drinks? (blown oil)
What did the artist use to prove he was right? (casien paint)
Why did the art restorer refuse to repair the painting? (he liked the
cleavage)
What kind of watercolor texture do ladies enjoy? (cockling)
Why was the drawing paper mailed as rush delivery? (it was pressed for time)
Why did the artist tear her school application into pieces? (to get into
collage)
Why was the colorless pencil charged with racism? (it was in-colorant)
What do you call it when two paints date each other? (color mixing)
What kind of colors kiss each other's butt? (complementary)
What did the lithographer do to stop puking? (counteretch)
What kind of paintings do drug addicts buy? (craquelure)
Why did the chickens lay eggs perpendicular to each other? (they were
crosshatching)
Why was the artist afraid of stamps? (he had decalcomania)
What is a collagist's favorite song? (dechirage.. chirage.. whatever will be..
will be..)
What happened to the artist's dog when it ingested cheap water and glue? (it
became distempered)
What kind of college art student likes to hang out on sloping roofs? (a
dormer)
How can you tell a painting has had too much to drink? (it has double shadows)
What kind of erotic art is most uncomfortable? (dry mounted)
Why didn't the timid artist like the relief mold? (it was embossing)
Why did the artist scratch himself with a needle? (he was etching)
What was the painting asked, on "Who Want's To Be A Millionaire"? (Is that
your Final Varnish!)
What kind of dandruff do artists suffer from? (flake white)
What did the wooden frame say to the linen canvas? (Don't gimme any flax!)
What did the painting say to the sculpture? ("I've been framed!")
What kind of painting gets felt up and down? (a fresco)
What do detectives use to frame a scene? (French chalk)
What kind of pencil does John Travolta draw with? (grease)
What did the artist rapper call his painting? ("Bizzah in the Grisaille")
What kind of eraser is never wanted? (a kneaded one)
What did the varnish say about the artist? (Ah lacquer - Ah lacquer a lot!)
What kind of paper always gets dates? (laid)
What kind of cloth responds to Beatle's music (linen)
What kind of frame is missing 3 of its sides? (a one-liner)
What style of art exhibits socially acceptable behavior? (mannerism)
What did the painting use to disguise itself? (marouflage)
What kind of glue needs a box of tissues nearby? (mucilage)
What kind of art falls for anything? (naive art)
What kind of art do nudists prefer? (naturalism)
Why didn't the happy artist draw any background space? (the space was
negative)
Why didn't the confederation accept a group of paintings? (they were made in
northern light)
What kind of art speaks pig latin? (objet trouve)
Where did that painting want to be, in relation to the others? (op art)
What did the doctor stick into the artist's mouth? (a palette knife)
What kind of drawing always has to have the last word? (a remarque)
Why do all the art materials bow down to the straight-edge? (it rules)
Where do all the paintings go to get make-overs? (the salon)
What kind of painting attracts cats? (scratchboard)
What kind of painting is mistakenly called perverted? (a secco)
What kind of airbrush has Twice the fun? (double-action)
Why did the artist and her boyfriend break up? (she sought variation)
Why didn't the wife trust her artist husband? (he was sketchy)
What kind of glass always needs cleaning? (stained)
What kind of art material never travels quietly? (a stomp)
What kind of ink is always in court? (sumi)
What did the lithographer say to the silkscreener? (I like your tusche)
At what point did the painting disappear? (the vanishing point)
Why do clean-freaks prefer watercolor paintings? (they're washed)
Why was the paint thrown out as evidence? (it wasn't miscible)
What are babies, to artists? (wetting-agents)