Happy, but disheartened - 3-1/2 week update (pg ment)
Raymond Lee
not be the "proper" place to be posting this, but it is the only NG where
I've posted questions, comments, etc. To those who helped answer some of my
questions who are interested in our story, I include it here (scroll down).
To those not interested, I have added space so you don't have to see
anything that you don't want to. Thank you.
.
.
.
.
.
My wife, age 39, had her egg retrieval on August 15th. Six eggs were
retrieved. Four embryos were implanted on the 18th. She had HCG level tests
on August 26th and 28th. We were told that the high level of increase meant
a good chance of multiples. In fact, we were so excited, we started to
"worry" about selective reduction. But today, she had her first ultrasound,
and it showed that there is only one healthy embryo. A second smaller one
was also seen, but because its growth rate is so small, she was told that it
will go away. Another ultrasound is scheduled for next week. Today, they
also took a blood test to see if a third treatment of IVIg will be needed
(she had 40mg treatments on August 8th and September 5th). Though we are
happy (overjoyed) about the fact that we are pregnant, we are now more
worried than ever before. Yes, we knew the "odds" were not in our favor, but
we were very optimistic. When you have four, you worry about possibly losing
one or two (a friend of ours lost 2 of 3 embryos that she had implanted, but
when it happened, she felt it, and there was a lot of blood -- in my wife's
case, everything has been perfect, so we.ve been thinking it still might be
four). But now that we only have one, the worry is even more intense.
I realize that I'm sharing this with a group of people who may not be as
lucky as we are. Some of you may not have gotten this far, some may have
gone further. But that fact that you're all here means, in the end, that you
were not successful. At what point can we assume "success" (and be merrily
kicked out of this NG)?
Ladies, what can I (as a guy) do to help my wife? How were your husbands
supportive? Surely, I don't want to cause her stress to increase. I need to
be calming to her fears -- which are also my fears -- but how? Should I
promise her that everything will be okay even though it might not be? If I
did, would that cause future resentment if something else does go wrong?
Thank you.
Raymond Lee
Truffles
> I realize that I'm sharing this with a group of people who may not be as
> lucky as we are. Some of you may not have gotten this far, some may have
> gone further. But that fact that you're all here means, in the end, that you
> were not successful. At what point can we assume "success" (and be merrily
> kicked out of this NG)?
True "success" is a baby in your arms but for the purpose of this ng,
you are pretty much there. There is a ng for you though,
alt.infertility.pregnancy. I hope to see your introduction there.
> Ladies, what can I (as a guy) do to help my wife? How were your husbands
> supportive? Surely, I don't want to cause her stress to increase. I need to
> be calming to her fears -- which are also my fears -- but how? Should I
> promise her that everything will be okay even though it might not be? If I
> did, would that cause future resentment if something else does go wrong?
> Thank you.
I have written a story you might be interested in reading. It's not
long, about 500 words. You can find it at www.mom2many.com and it's
titled "In-vitro fertilization: A final hope". Many of your feelings
are the same as mine were. My dh was my strength. But above all, he
was honest while being supportive. He didn't mention the risks, mainly
because I would, he would point out the successes. I knew them as well,
but having *him* state them reinforced what I already knew. It really
makes no logical sense but it helped me *deal* on the emotional level.
HTH,
--
Brigitte aa #2145
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities.
The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit
to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his
intelligence."
~ Albert Einstein
-L.
> I'm posting this for those who are interested in our story. I know this may
> not be the "proper" place to be posting this, but it is the only NG where
> I've posted questions, comments, etc. To those who helped answer some of my
> questions who are interested in our story, I include it here (scroll down).
> To those not interested, I have added space so you don't have to see
> anything that you don't want to. Thank you.
>
>
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> .
>
>
>
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> .
>
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> .
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> .
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>
> My wife, age 39, had her egg retrieval on August 15th. Six eggs were
> retrieved. Four embryos were implanted on the 18th.
Not to be nit-picky, but - just for clarification, embryos are
transferred, not implanted. If we had the technology to implant them,
a lot more of us would be successful.
> She had HCG level tests
> on August 26th and 28th. We were told that the high level of increase meant
> a good chance of multiples. In fact, we were so excited, we started to
> "worry" about selective reduction. But today, she had her first ultrasound,
> and it showed that there is only one healthy embryo. A second smaller one
> was also seen, but because its growth rate is so small, she was told that it
> will go away. Another ultrasound is scheduled for next week. Today, they
> also took a blood test to see if a third treatment of IVIg will be needed
> (she had 40mg treatments on August 8th and September 5th). Though we are
> happy (overjoyed) about the fact that we are pregnant, we are now more
> worried than ever before. Yes, we knew the "odds" were not in our favor, but
> we were very optimistic. When you have four, you worry about possibly losing
> one or two (a friend of ours lost 2 of 3 embryos that she had implanted, but
> when it happened, she felt it, and there was a lot of blood -- in my wife's
> case, everything has been perfect, so we.ve been thinking it still might be
> four). But now that we only have one, the worry is even more intense.
Well, honestly, your chances for an uneventful pregnancy and health
delivery are better with one. The morbidity/mortality rate goes up
with multiples (even twins). Yes, all of your eggs are now in one
basket, so to speak, but again - one healthy singleton is a great goal
to have.
>
> I realize that I'm sharing this with a group of people who may not be as
> lucky as we are. Some of you may not have gotten this far, some may have
> gone further. But that fact that you're all here means, in the end, that you
> were not successful. At what point can we assume "success" (and be merrily
> kicked out of this NG)?
"Success", in terms of infertility, happens when you deliver your
baby.
>
> Ladies, what can I (as a guy) do to help my wife? How were your husbands
> supportive? Surely, I don't want to cause her stress to increase. I need to
> be calming to her fears -- which are also my fears -- but how? Should I
> promise her that everything will be okay even though it might not be? If I
> did, would that cause future resentment if something else does go wrong?
I would just try to keep a positive attitude and support her -
especially at her OB visits. You guys have done the best you can, and
all you can do in the future is try to stay healthy.
Sounds to me you have a lot to be hopeful about! I'm glad the
procedure worked for you. In the future, you might want to post
pregnancy updates, and preg-related questions to
alt.infertility.pregnancy - there are many people in there (mainly
women) who are going through similar issues.
This group is really more of a catch-all, and might not get the
response your questions need. And I don't know what the
alt.infertility FAQs say about pregnancy discussion - you might want
to check them before you post anything else in here.
Take care, and best wishes for a smooth pregnancy and delivery!
-L.
Sammy
>
> -L.
Ditto!
Carola
--
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Raymond Lee
> transferred, not implanted. If we had the technology to implant them,
> a lot more of us would be successful.
Thanks for the clarification. I have seen the word implant used a lot, and
thought it was the same as transfer. So at what point is the transferred
embryo considered implanted?
> Well, honestly, your chances for an uneventful pregnancy and health
> delivery are better with one. The morbidity/mortality rate goes up
> with multiples (even twins). Yes, all of your eggs are now in one
> basket, so to speak, but again - one healthy singleton is a great goal
> to have.
Thank you. That sounds very encouraging!! :-))
> I would just try to keep a positive attitude and support her -
> especially at her OB visits. You guys have done the best you can, and
> all you can do in the future is try to stay healthy.
Thanks again. I appreciate the advice.
> Sounds to me you have a lot to be hopeful about! I'm glad the
> procedure worked for you. In the future, you might want to post
> pregnancy updates, and preg-related questions to
> alt.infertility.pregnancy - there are many people in there (mainly
> women) who are going through similar issues.
It might be uncomfortable for me in that NG. Please see my reply to Brigitte
("Truffles") for my explanation.
> This group is really more of a catch-all, and might not get the
> response your questions need. And I don't know what the
> alt.infertility FAQs say about pregnancy discussion - you might want
> to check them before you post anything else in here.
Okay, I will. If inappropriate, I won't post here anymore. But thank you for
all your help.
> Take care, and best wishes for a smooth pregnancy and delivery!
Very good luck to you, too.
Raymond Lee
Raymond Lee
news:bjo4m2$l9shq$1...@ID-200398.news.uni-berlin.de...
> Raymond Lee wrote:
>
> True "success" is a baby in your arms but for the purpose of this ng,
> you are pretty much there. There is a ng for you though,
> alt.infertility.pregnancy. I hope to see your introduction there.
Thank you. That is so much more "intense" NG, and all women. Makes me a
little uncomfortable, because some stories are very personal. Even though it
is "public" NG, it feels like I'm intuding, like hiding a microphone in he
ladies restroom, you know what I mean? This NG seems more "clinical" (best
word I can think of), so it's not uncomfortable for me. It would be nice if
there was one for guys, like alt.infertility.men, though from the guys we
have known in that situation, they are not as open as women. Either they'd
be too shy to post there (might bruise their egos), or the ones that do show
up would mainly talk about sports.
> I have written a story you might be interested in reading. It's not
> long, about 500 words. You can find it at www.mom2many.com and it's
> titled "In-vitro fertilization: A final hope". Many of your feelings
> are the same as mine were. My dh was my strength. But above all, he
> was honest while being supportive. He didn't mention the risks, mainly
> because I would, he would point out the successes. I knew them as well,
> but having *him* state them reinforced what I already knew. It really
> makes no logical sense but it helped me *deal* on the emotional level.
What a beautiful story. And congratualations!!! :-))
BTW, what is dh? Of course, I can only think of baseball (guy=sports,
dh=designated hitter) <VBG>
Designated husband???? LOL. I really don't know.
If I muster up the courage to introduce myself in the other NG, I'll see you
there. If not, it was nice of you to reply, and thanks!!
Raymond Lee
Paula Johnson
<r...@no.email.thank.you> wrote:
> When you have four, you worry about possibly losing
>one or two (a friend of ours lost 2 of 3 embryos that she had implanted, but
>when it happened, she felt it, and there was a lot of blood -- in my wife's
>case, everything has been perfect, so we.ve been thinking it still might be
>four). But now that we only have one, the worry is even more intense.
I really wanted to e-mail my response to this, but since you don't
include a valid addy....
I find your thinking about the whole IVF process is a little unusual.
Instead of considering a singleton pregnancy the "loss" of three
embryos, think of it as a good thing. The intention in IVF is not to
put in several embryos hoping or assuming that all will take -- the
goal is a healthy singleton. Multiples should not be your goal, as
even a twin pregnancy (much less higher-order multiples) carries extra
risk.
> But that fact that you're all here means, in the end, that you
>were not successful.
That's not necessarily true. Many here have had success and still lurk
to help others out.
> At what point can we assume "success" (and be merrily
>kicked out of this NG)?
The definition of success is holding a baby in your arms. And you'll
never be kicked out of this ng. It's just not appropriate to discuss
pregnancy and children here.
>
>Ladies, what can I (as a guy) do to help my wife?
Just be there, and understand that pregnancy worries combined with
high hormone levels tend to make one a little, um, emotional :-). Give
her lots of hugs, rub her feet, offer to run errands. I see that
you've already been pointed to alt.infertility.pregnancy, so I'll bet
you'll get more suggestions over there.
Good luck to you both.
Paula
Truffles
> Truffles wrote:
>
>>Raymond Lee wrote:
>>
>>True "success" is a baby in your arms but for the purpose of this ng,
>>you are pretty much there. There is a ng for you though,
>>alt.infertility.pregnancy. I hope to see your introduction there.
>
> Thank you. That is so much more "intense" NG, and all women. Makes me a
> little uncomfortable, because some stories are very personal. Even though it
> is "public" NG, it feels like I'm intuding, like hiding a microphone in he
> ladies restroom, you know what I mean? This NG seems more "clinical" (best
> word I can think of), so it's not uncomfortable for me. It would be nice if
> there was one for guys, like alt.infertility.men, though from the guys we
> have known in that situation, they are not as open as women. Either they'd
> be too shy to post there (might bruise their egos), or the ones that do show
> up would mainly talk about sports.
How about misc.kids.pregnancy? It has a few men posting on it and it is
a mix of clinical and personal. There are a few IF people on it as well.
>>I have written a story you might be interested in reading. It's not
>>long, about 500 words. You can find it at www.mom2many.com and it's
>>titled "In-vitro fertilization: A final hope". Many of your feelings
>>are the same as mine were. My dh was my strength. But above all, he
>>was honest while being supportive. He didn't mention the risks, mainly
>>because I would, he would point out the successes. I knew them as well,
>>but having *him* state them reinforced what I already knew. It really
>>makes no logical sense but it helped me *deal* on the emotional level.
>
> What a beautiful story. And congratualations!!! :-))
> BTW, what is dh? Of course, I can only think of baseball (guy=sports,
> dh=designated hitter) <VBG>
> Designated husband???? LOL. I really don't know.
DH = dear/darling husband
Tracy
As others have said, your wife's chances of carrying the pregnancy to
term are actually *better* with only one embryo. This is a good
beginning, not a bad one, and is much less worrisome than the
multiple/reduction scenario you were considering.
Also, this particular group is not appropriate for pregnancy
discussions. If you don't feel comfortable in a.i.pregnancy, perhaps
you could help your wife post there. While everyone here wishes you
well, it is not fair to them to post further pregnancy-related
questions here. They are painful for many members, and a.i.pregnancy
was set up specifically to address that issue. Having been a member at
a.i.pregnancy, I'm sure the members there will greet you with open
arms.
Tracy