Kid's Puns of the Weak 05-18-04
Stan Kegel
KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 05-18-04
JEST FOR KIDS THE RIDDLES
What did the bird say to his army?
"Re-tweet!" (Joseph, 9)
How does a rabbit make gold soup?
He begins with 24 carrots (Douglas Helsel)
What did Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass flippers (Rachel)
What kind of electricity do they have in Washington?
D.C. (Daily Groaner)
Why was Cinderella thrown off the team?
Because she ran away from the ball (Henry, 8)What flies but has no
wings?
Time (Armondo, 11)
What is the difference between the sun and a slice of bread?
One rises from the east, the other rises from the yeast. (Mighty
Funnies: Betty Debnam)
What kind of bat knows his ABCss?
An alphabat (Roman)
Why did the track star miss his flight?
He was running late (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
How does the universe hold up its pants?
With an asteroid belt (Daily Groaner)
What does a lazy dog chase?
Parked cars. (Jakob, 9)
What did the bird say to his army?
"Re-tweet!" (Joseph, 9)
Why did the baker hurl an insult at the bread?
To get a rise out of it. (Mighty Funnies: Betty Debnam)
How close did the couple come to winning the dance contest?
A foot or two. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What do you call a roof made of seals?
A Sealing. (Jennifer, 7)
Where should a baseball player never wear red?
In the bull pen (Daily Groaner)
What kind of doctor treats his patients like animals?
A veterinarian (Daily Groaner)
What kind of dentist does a whale become?
An orcodontist (Eli, 8)
What kind of vehicle did Queen Isabela use to drive out of Spain?
A Columbus (nab)
Why did Frankenstein go to the doctor?
He was feeling stiff all over (Esther, 7)
What do chess players like for breakfast
Pawn cakes! (Mighty Funnies Mini Jokes: Betty Debman)
What is a pencil's favorite food?
Leadus (Owena, 7)
What do you call a chicken that haunts a house?
A poutrygeist. (Daily Groaner)
How close did the couple come to winning the dance contest?
A foot or two. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What do you call a dead parrot?
A polygon! (Daily Groaner)
What has two big claws and is very messy?
A Slobster (Joseph, 6)
When is the best time to buy a budgie?
When they're going "cheep (Lauren, 8)
What do you get when you put a candle in a suit of armor?
`A knight light! (Kris, 9)
Why didn't the pelican pay for his dinner?
Because his bill was too big! (Daily Groaner)
What did the math teacher have for dinner?
Pi! (Dill, 9)
What does a slice of toast wear to bed?
Jammies. (Mighty Funnies: Betty Debnam)
What kind of tree should be growing in a barber shop?
Eucaliptus (you clipped us). (nab)
What diploma do criminals get?
third degree. (Daily Groaner)
What is a calf after it is 6 months old?
7 months old! (Sarah, 12)
What does a chef pack before a trip?
A soupcase (Carina, 11)
Where does the ocean get money?
From a riverbank (Laura, 7)
What is black, white, and red all over?
A panda with the measles (Katie, 13)
Why did the farmer take a bucket of milk to church
To get it pasteurized (Daily Groaner)
What does a lazy dog chase?
Parked cars. (Jakob, 9)
How does a rabbit make gold soup?
He begins with 24 carrots (Daily Groaner)
What do tourists use to get around the beach?
Taxi crabs! (Linda, 15)
Why did Mickey Mouse travel into space?
He was looking for Pluto. (Daily Groaner)
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It made a little whine (Chyna,9)
How can you buy eggs and be certain there are no chickens in them?
Buy duck eggs (Daily Groaner)
How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose (Francisco, 10)
What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted
candy?
He probably had a bad hare day. (Douglas Helsel)
JEST FOR KIDS - THE PUNS
The headlines nobody likes are wrinkles. (Pun of the Day)
Why are goods sent by ship called cargo while goods sent in a freight car
called a shipment? (Richard Lederer)
A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said "well don't go there any more" (Tommy Cooper)
Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary (Archives)
Sound stage technician's son: Mike (Archives)
Painter's son: Art (Archives)
My doctor said I should walk to lose weight. I asked him how far? He
replied, "About 8000 miles." (Carolyn)
As Mason used to say to Dixon: "We've got to draw the line somewhere." (Pat
Williams)
He bought a gun to hunt for deer to get more bang for the buck. (Tony
Thoennes)
TV show star's daughter: Emmy (Archives)
Movie star's son: Oscar (Archives)
Barber's son: Harry (Archives)
Those who build roofs are so inclined. (Pun of the Day)
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect
from a cross-breed.* (Tommy Cooper)
Two robbers, with clubs, went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.
(Pun of the Day).
Minister's daughter: Faith (Archives)
Day-trader's daughter: Hope (Archives)
Televangelist's daughter: Charity (Archives)
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect
from a cross-breed.* (Tommy Cooper)
The old doctors practice of bloodletting was all in vein. (Mike Bull)
A young nurse was nervous about giving vaccinations but gave it her best
shot. (Pun of the Day)
Espresso vendor's son: Joe (Archives)
Undertaker's son: Barry (Archives)
Beautician's son: Curly (Archives)
I phoned the zoo but the lion was busy (Pun of the Day)
Doctors are always practicing, and have to have a lot of patients, but it is
surgeons who get the inside information (Mike Bull)
I once went to a party dressed as a skeleton, but there was no body to dance
with. A policeman was there who accidentally arrested a judge who had
dressed as a convict. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover. A
girl and her boyfriend went to the party dressed as a barcode. They were an
item. (Mike Bull)
Gardener's son: Moe (Archives)
Florist's daughter: Rose (Archives)
Baker's daughter: Cookie (Archives)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
"How was your job interview this week?" "They said they were looking for
someone who can be trusted with company secrets." "I told them it's easy for
me to keep a secret; Nobody ever listens to me!" (Frank & Ernest: Bob
Thaves)
"Tell me, Mrs. Hobbs, have you ever had an out-of-body experience?" "No, but
with this body, it would be a pleasure." (Momma: Mell Lazarus)
Boy making shadow pictures with his hand: "Look, Daddy, Digital Imaging."
(Family Circle: Jeff & Bill Keane)
Bachelors have warm hearts but cold feet. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Rarely does a golfer tell the hole truth. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"How was your job interview this week?" "They said they were interested in
someone who's flexible under stress." "That's my strength! I'm so flexible
under pressure, I totally collapse!" (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"Shoe is even more sarcastic these days. It must be the medication he's
taking. He says it makes him feel better but it has pretty nasty snide
effects." (Shoe: Cassatt & Brookins)
A new baby in the house is a perfect example of minority rule (Graffiti:
Gene Mora)
"So you think you got the job?" "I'm very confident. They said I'm
definitely not overqualified." (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
Humble Pie -- It's fat-head free. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
2 Prisons: For minimum wage earners, maximum security; for maximal wage
earners, minimum security. (Secret Brew: John Deering)
If practice makes perfect and no one¹s perfect, why practice? (Flo &
Friends: Gibel & Cmpbell)
"Hey, they're gonna run a 10K down this street." "They are?" "Yeah, one leg
of it anyway." Š "Did you hear that, Joe?" "Yeah." "What's a 10K?" "I dunno,
but you can bet it's pretty weird-looking if it can run on one leg." (One
Big Happy: Rick Detorie)
It¹s definitely a must see movie particularly since there is no dialogue.
(Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"I was thinking about my Dad. He really lived a great life. I want to go
like my Dad did, in his sleep." "Yeah, but his passengers were screaming."
(Flo & Friends: Gibel & Campbell)
Today¹s Ffoam mattress is a waterbed filled with beer. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
³The invention of the thrashing machine relieved farmers from bending over²
³You mean, no more harvest moons?!² (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
³What did one golfer say to the other golfer? Read any good greens lately?²
(Peanuts: Charles M. Schulz)
³I want to divorce my wife.² ³On what grounds?² ³The fairgrounds would be
nice.² (Wizard of Id: Parker & Hart)
Putting on weight and a new bikini at the same time can be dangerous to your
health. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"My mother made me a nerd." "If I get her the wool, will she make me one,
too?" (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. (Graffiti: Gene Mora
Stan Kegel
Third degree. (Daily Groaner)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Tim Bruening
Stan Kegel wrote:
> KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 05-18-04
Why are you posting puns from May 18?
Stan Kegel
Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
Because this got into my out box somehow and was not sent back then. I
happened to see the out box wasn't empty
nemo
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:40FE2338...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Stan Kegel wrote:
>
> > KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 05-18-04
>
> Why are you posting puns from May 18?
>
everywhere, including yesterday!
Today?? Yes! Today!
nemo
Stan Kegel <ke...@fea.net> wrote in message
news:BD255937.845C%ke...@fea.net...
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Are you thinking outside the box?
nemo
A cricketers' box is a gooley guard! Everybody knows that!
You can bowl googleys butt your not supposed to bowl gooleys. Harm can come
to a young batsman like that!
Is it the same in Bay Spool?