"Puns of the Weak" and "Puns of the Day"
Stan Kegel
If you would like to receive "Puns of the Day" send a blank e-mail to:
<mailto:puns-of-the-...@yahoogroups.com>
If you would like to be on my longer joke list, "Profusion of Puns
Gaggles of Groaners" send me a note.
Here is today's "Puns of the Day":
Puns of the Day: 6/11/01
Correction: There's a rumor that Queen Elizabeth II of England is going
to skip Prince Charles and give the crown to Prince William, Charles'
son instead when she dies. Would this be considered a Coronary Bypass?
(This is by Gary Hallock)
PUNY Riddle Chain: The destitute calligrapher carefully hoarded every
writing instrument he could find. Why? A pen he saved is a pen he
earned. (Lars Hanson)
What type of vessel would be most appropriate for harvesting caviar?
(Answer Tomorrow)
The first lady: Eve’s
Compulsion to wear fig leaves
Covered nothing much at all,
So Adam waited for the Fall.
(W. Roy Couch)
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Butcher
Butcher who?
Butcher right foot in, Butcher right foot out
(Stan Kegel)
A sign seen on an airline advertisement, "Love A Fare" (The
International Save the Pun Foundation)
News of a coming flood was leaked (Pun of the Day).
My uncle called my grandfather a deer when he let my antelope. (Pun of
the Day).
My grandmother learned grammar by wrote. (Pun of the Day)
In his crowded waiting room, the doctor found patient patients. (Jumble)
When the complicated watch didn’t sell, it became a time “bomb”. (Jumble)
And please don't forget to include the latest mondegreen in the Lord's
Prayer: ". . . and lead us not into Penn Station, but deliver us some
e-mail . . . ." (Richard Lederer)
If Rosemary de Camp married William Kunstler, she’d be Rosemary de Camp
Kunster. (Richard Lederer)
He speculated in goose futures but lost a fortune in a down market.
(Gary Hallock)
I took my girl to a barn dance and she gave me the same old stall.
(Henny Youngman)
The hen, insulted by her neighbor, chose not to reply but merely turn
the other chick (Cynthia MacGregor).
You can give without loving but you can’t love without giving. (Amy
Wilson Carmichael)
The organization that promotes sleeping face-down is losing money and
will go belly-up. (Phil Hudson)
As a Dirty Old Man In Training, I salute the inventor of the see-through
blouse. Sheer genius! (Guy BenMoshe)
Tim will soon McVeigh for another federal prisoner to get a cell. (Harry Farkas)
I took my secretary to lunch the other day, and I discovered she was not
the old fashioned type. After two old fashions she couldn't type. (Lee
Daniel Quinn)
Humpback whales urinate while swimming in tightly-formed families called
pods. Outcast whales don't have a pod to piss in. (Scot Nelson)
At the party, I desired to be the first to fill my cup, but someone beat
me to the punch. (Merlyn Baby)
Anthony Hopkins has agreed to star in a sequel to "Hannibal." At the end
of the sequel, Bill Clinton pardons Hannibal. But it costs him an arm
and a leg. (Argus Hamilton)
Acme Thermostats: You’ll never have to worry about your home cooking
(Anne Kostick)
Americans are getting stronger. Thirty years ago, it took two people to
carry twenty dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do
it. (Bobby Ross)
Sunglasses for sailors had better be seeworthy (Bill Rayburn).
In Copenhagen the concerned citizens discuss occurances in this Dane
age. (Keith Martin)
The first attorney wore a civil suit. (Art. Moger)
A lot of shady characters are waiting for their day in the sun. (Archives)
Show me .a workman who dismantles a roof and I'll show you an
eavesdropper. (Dave Coble)
My tailor has a vested interest in 3-piece suits. (Jimmy Snibbler)
In Shakespeare’s day if royalty were visiting the Globe, the whole cast
made a special acknowledgement to the royal box? It was their reign bow.
(J. A. Mc.)
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The ceremony
was poor but the reception was brilliant. (M. Lean)
In 1688 The first music score appeared: Bach 4 Beethoven 3. (Daryl Stout)
How do bunnies travel to work? By rabbit transit. (James D. Ertner)
Being overweight just sort of snacks up on you. (Gr8 Humor)
Mrs Smith's third grade class was to use the word Rotterdam in a
sentence. Little Jimmy hops up and says "If my sister doesn't quit
eating so much candy she will Rotterdam teeth out (MeMail)
My teacher always used to tell me that double negatives are a real
no-no. (Hershy and Lee Daniel Quinn)
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain
and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the
boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother
ate us out of house and home." (Hugh Janus)
At a picnic I saw a 3-legged race. There were two laps. (Scot Nelson)
A closed mouth gathers no feet. (Matt Blaisdell)
Trying to imply accessibility and confidentiality at the same time, one
fellow who was principal of our school for a while unknowingly kept the
faculty confused. He told us repeatedly, "The door to my office is
always open."He also said, "Whatever you say to me is behind closed
doors." (Teacher’s Lounge)
"I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for
dinner." "Who wants to eat friends?" (Terry Galan)
"Don't you ever look at a man and wish you were single again?" "Yes."
"Who?" "My husband." (Beckie Shiles)
Esther's boy quit rabbinical school to become a Catholic. Now she
introduces him as, 'My son, the Father.'" (Flavius Torticus)
Resistance is useless! (If less than 1 ohm) (Irene A. Mystery)
Home is where you can say anything you like because nobody listens
anyway. (Renee from Napa)
President Bush travels to Mexico. He won't touch on the subject of
bilingual education. In his view, sexual preference is a private
matter. (Alan Ray)
How are breasts like martinis? One's not enough and three's too many
(The Placebo Page)
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us
the truth about its author. (G. K. Chesterton)
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes make
a Bloody Mary! (Syman Hirsch)
Before undergoing a serious surgical operation, put your affairs in
order. You may survive. (Victor Hugo)
Recasts: DUCK SOUP with Donna Drake (James Limbacher)
When a foot falls asleep: comatoes. (Cindy Rivers)
“Oh I came from Alabama with a band-aid on my knee.” (Jeff and Bill Keene)
Shepherd: A person all kids flock to (Michael Driscoll)
Alimony: The Billing Without The Cooing (Lexicon).
Recount : Honorary Title reaffirmed by Floridans. (Gunjab Saraf)
Moonlighting: The sun's other job. (Geoff Tibballs)
Forum: In favor of drinking Bacardi (Tim Bruening)
See saw: A tool for cutting keyholes (Cybyl)
Bulldozing: Falling asleep during a political speech (Bennett Cerf )
"That's no beagle; that's a mongrel," Tom muttered. (Richard Lederer)
”The book deals with prisoners kept in temporary housing,” Tom said
contentedly. (Stan Kegel)
"Do you know the location?" asked Tom warily. (Archives)
Tim Bruening
Stan Kegel wrote:
> Forum: In favor of drinking Bacardi (Tim Bruening)
IIRC, I said "Forum: In favor of drinking rum".
Harry Farkas
That was Stan's new and improv version. I guess you are forum or agin
'im.
--
Harry Farkas
InnerArt
Read Weirdology Network and Bizarre Occurrences in InnerArt Artbits:
Cover: http://innerart.com
My Columns: http://innerart.com/farkas/index.html
Stan Kegel
Tim
You're right. You did say "rum" not "Barcadi"
I just think it is a better pun with Barcardi than rum.
As editor of Puns of the Weak I can make that change.
The issue shouldn't be whether I quoted you correctly but who should be
given credit for the pun.
Let me give you an extreme example:
You post:
Pink Carnation: A nation where all the cars are pink
For my list I change it to:
Pink Carnation: A country where all the autos are pink.
Same pun. I just like my wording better.
Now, how should I credit the pun as I posted it. I have 4 choices:
1. (By Tim Bruening)
2. (By Stan Kegel)
3. (By Tim Bruening and Stan Kegel)
4. (By Stan Kegel based on a pun by Tim Bruening)
My feeling is that I should give the credit to the original author
unless I am specifically told not to if I make any changes in the joke.
If you would prefer that I had claimed to be the author rather than
giving you credit for it, let me know and I will abide by your wishes in
the future.
Stan
James O'dwyer
"Harry Farkas" <hfa...@columbus.rr.com> wrote in message
news:3B275D42...@columbus.rr.com...
It's a rum affair really, i'd aks you to tonic down, but i'd be bourbon on
the hypocritic...
Tim Bruening
Stan Kegel wrote:
> Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > Stan Kegel wrote:
> >
> > > Forum: In favor of drinking Bacardi (Tim Bruening)
> >
> > IIRC, I said "Forum: In favor of drinking rum".
>
> Tim
>
> You're right. You did say "rum" not "Barcadi"
> I just think it is a better pun with Barcardi than rum.
> As editor of Puns of the Weak I can make that change.
> The issue shouldn't be whether I quoted you correctly but who should be
> given credit for the pun.
>
> Let me give you an extreme example:
>
> You post:
> Pink Carnation: A nation where all the cars are pink
> For my list I change it to:
> Pink Carnation: A country where all the autos are pink.
> Same pun. I just like my wording better.
>
> Now, how should I credit the pun as I posted it. I have 4 choices:
> 1. (By Tim Bruening)
> 2. (By Stan Kegel)
> 3. (By Tim Bruening and Stan Kegel)
> 4. (By Stan Kegel based on a pun by Tim Bruening)
>
> My feeling is that I should give the credit to the original author
> unless I am specifically told not to if I make any changes in the joke.
Sounds like a good idea to me. It did seem a bit jarring to see my puns
changed, but your explanation (Country where everything is explained) is
satisfactory (a factory for building satises).
You could trying crediting the original pun to the original poster and the
revised pun to you.
Harry Farkas
It can be difficult establishing credit for jokes and puns as different people
can come up with or reinvent the same ideas. It is the editor's responsibility
to credit one source or the author.
J. A. Mc.
these unused words floating about:
I fee it would be ok, except if you were to change the little marks,
then it would be a pun to a shun change.
Stan Kegel
That would look like I'm saying I can do it better than you.
The only feasible ones are 1 and 3. 1 - I'm being an editor. 3 - I'm a
co- author.
I prefer to give the credit to others.
Puns from alt.humor.puns frequently have to be changed just because they
are in response to a previous pun and in my list must stand alone. They
are still the pun of the one who posted it.
J. A. Mc.
<tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> found these unused words floating
about:
>
>
That would make the now somewhat large post far two punderous.
mick
Knock knock!
Who's there?
M.A.B. it's a big horse.
M.A.B. it's a big horse who?
M.A.B. it's a big horse I'm a Londoner, that I love London so . . . . .
And how dare you make jokes about our Quacious Green, the Wince of Prales
and our beloved Foyal Ramily!
(Her Hoyal Wryness?)
On calligraphers (of whom I am one!)
This is true. A lot of trades and occupations and groups of people have a
Patron Saint. For example, Saint Dymphna is the Patron Saint of lunatics.(On
here, everybody should know that already, and know that already.)
Calligraphers have a patron demon instead. He's called Titivlis, and the old
monks who did all those illuminates MSS used to blame him for their mistakes
in little remarks in the margin etc.
There's not a lot of people know that!
A few more:
I call my dog fungus because he's mycelium.
I call my lizard tiny because he's my newt!
(Not mine - they're from a phone-in host on LBC)
They're going to make Flemish the official language in Belgium. That'll make
the Walloons go up!
Thanks for cheering me up,
MICK
Stan Kegel <ke...@fea.net> wrote in message
news:3B24FFFF...@fea.net...
mick
the "i")
A gazelle wearing an off-white cravatte!
(Probably drives a pink car as well)
Stan Kegel <ke...@fea.net> wrote in message
news:3B27FDBD...@fea.net...
Pam Shorey
> Stan Kegel <ke...@fea.net> wrote in message
> news:3B27FDBD...@fea.net...
> > I just think it is a better pun with Barcardi than rum.
> > As editor of Puns of the Weak I can make that change.
An amazing statement, Stan. Are you saying that by posting a pun at
alt.humor.puns, we are in fact submitting them to YOU for re-publication and
are giving you the right to change our work as you wish?
(I am not discussing quality here- I agree your version was an improvement,
though it could be improved further: "Forum: where the wets rebut the
dryes." Of course it's a pretty dated topic).
I think you have taken great liberty with copyrights, actually.
In the issue your presented, I believe someone's work should be changed only
with their permission and with either a direct credit, when the change is
minor, or something like "based on a pun by Tim Bruening." You should not
(in my opinion) call yourself the author or co-author-- you are the revisor
of it, not the creator.
> > The issue shouldn't be whether I quoted you correctly but who should be
> > given credit for the pun.
> >
> > Let me give you an extreme example:
> >
> > You post:
> > Pink Carnation: A nation where all the cars are pink
> > For my list I change it to:
> > Pink Carnation: A country where all the autos are pink.
> > Same pun. I just like my wording better.
> >
> > Now, how should I credit the pun as I posted it. I have 4 choices:
> > 1. (By Tim Bruening) This implies it is presented unchanged
> > 2. (By Stan Kegel) This implies Tim had *nothing* to do with its
creation
> > 3. (By Tim Bruening and Stan Kegel) This implies a collaboration - his
willing participation
> > 4. (By Stan Kegel based on a pun by Tim Bruening) This implies a
deriviative work, not merely editing.
FYI "Copyright laws grant the creator the exclusive right to reproduce,
prepare derivative works, distribute, perform and display the work publicly.
Exclusive means only the creator of such work, not anybody who has access to
it and decides to grab it. " http://www.whatiscopyright.org/
Stan Kegel
>
> > Stan Kegel <ke...@fea.net> wrote in message
> > news:3B27FDBD...@fea.net...
>
> > > I just think it is a better pun with Barcardi than rum.
> > > As editor of Puns of the Weak I can make that change.
>
> An amazing statement, Stan. Are you saying that by posting a pun at
> alt.humor.puns, we are in fact submitting them to YOU for re-publication and
> are giving you the right to change our work as you wish?
> (I am not discussing quality here- I agree your version was an improvement,
> though it could be improved further: "Forum: where the wets rebut the
> dryes." Of course it's a pretty dated topic).
> I think you have taken great liberty with copyrights, actually.
>
> In the issue your presented, I believe someone's work should be changed only
> with their permission and with either a direct credit, when the change is
> minor, or something like "based on a pun by Tim Bruening." You should not
> (in my opinion) call yourself the author or co-author-- you are the revisor
> of it, not the creator.
>
Pam
I have not been able to send or receive messages from any newsgroups for
the past 10 days and just found your message. There are over 700
messages in this newsgroup alone I have not yet read.
I do understand the copyright laws and spend much of my time telling the
moderators of joke lists who the true authors of their postings are.
I realize that we are all skirting the intent of the copyright laws.
Technically no material can be reproduced by another list without the
express consent of the copyright owner unless the author has explicitly
put it in the public domain.
Most of what I post in "Puns of the Day" and "Puns of the Weak" is not
original material. Site the piece I ascribed to Bree Schultz from her
jokelist that was by Keith Martin and not recognized by me to have been
previously posted as by him.
This group and PUNY comes up with the most original puns but even in
these 2 sources, most of what is posted is a retread or a minor
variation of puns I have heard elsewhere.
If I had to search the internet and obtain permission for the puns in
the two lists, I would not be able to put out the list. I have gone on
the assumption that if you did not want your puns posted, you would
notify me and I would no longer include your puns.
As far as changing the wording, most of it is done to make the pun
independent as many of the puns in alt.humor.puns are responsive to
previous postings. Occasionally I do make a real change as I did in
substituting Bacardi for rum, and you are right that I should say
adapted from a pun by in those cases. I do agree with you that I am not
the author and I do not wish to include my name when I reword a pun. I
do not wish anyone to think I was claiming to be the author.
What I do in these two lists is list at the end of the pun my source,
even though I know that in most cases the source is not the original
author as it is usually impossible to trace who the author was.
I don't know what the solution is other than to stop posting the two lists.
Stan
Stan Kegel
>
> Hi Stan,
> > Most of what I post in "Puns of the Day" and "Puns of the Weak" is not
> > original material. Site the piece I ascribed to Bree Schultz from her
> > jokelist that was by Keith Martin and not recognized by me to have been
> > previously posted as by him.
>
> You can give the source as a *source* not necessarily the author. "From Bree
> Schulz's joke list of 6/18/01" for example - or whatever she calls her joke
> list. I've always wondered when a pun that I have recently seen on AHP shows
> up on your list 2-3 weeks later attributed to someone that I've never heard
> of. Must be that they picked it up from AHP then you picked it up from them?
> You would be doing me (and possibly others) a service if you listed the
> sources you use and gave a clickable address, email or newsgroup (eg from
> news:alt.humor.puns).
At present everything in "Puns of the Day" and "Puns of the Weak" is
source not author.
In my other list "Profusion of Puns Gaggles of Groaners" this is clear
as at the top after subject I list From: and Via: and if the author is
known put (By Pam Shorey) in parentheses at the end of the joke.
This is too unwieldy for "Puns of the Day" as the references would take
more space than the jokes and it is too long already. What I should try,
once I get caught up from the past ten days is to put (By ...) when I'm
certain of the author and (From ...) on the others.
>
> >
> > This group and PUNY comes up with the most original puns but even in
> > these 2 sources, most of what is posted is a retread or a minor
> > variation of puns I have heard elsewhere.
>
> If authorship is uncertain, you can always say "submitted by..." which is a
> way of saying where *you* got it, without commenting on who thought it up.
>
> >
> > If I had to search the internet and obtain permission for the puns in
> > the two lists, I would not be able to put out the list. I have gone on
> > the assumption that if you did not want your puns posted, you would
> > notify me and I would no longer include your puns.
> Personally I dont mind your using mine but I dont like seeing my ideas
> attributed to someone else. (My submissions are almost always original,
> although someone somewhere may have had the same thought, and the few
> occasions when they're not, I specify "old joke" or whatever.)
> One pun that I thought up was on the Remington thread "give me a razor
> else." another AHPer used much the same pun a day or two later. Then the
> pun in slightly altered form showed up on Pun of the Day (a source of
> revenue) without attribution. Then it showed up in Puns of the Weak
> attributed to Pun of the Day.
I would repeat it under the new authors name if I did not remember I had
sent out the same pun in the past month or so.
I'm surprised about Mike Bull's "Pun of the Day". If I had to pick two
sources that I was sure was original, it would be "Pun of the Day" and
"Jumble". Do you remember if it was the first or the 2nd or 3rd pun that
day from "Pun of the Day". The first one each day is an original. The
next two are from his archives and are usually one or two years old. (In
puns of the Weak that does not hold true as I use them at random.)
>
> >
> > As far as changing the wording, most of it is done to make the pun
> > independent as many of the puns in alt.humor.puns are responsive to
> > previous postings. Occasionally I do make a real change as I did in
> > substituting Bacardi for rum, and you are right that I should say
> > adapted from a pun by in those cases. I do agree with you that I am not
> > the author and I do not wish to include my name when I reword a pun. I
> > do not wish anyone to think I was claiming to be the author.
> >
> > What I do in these two lists is list at the end of the pun my source,
> > even though I know that in most cases the source is not the original
> > author as it is usually impossible to trace who the author was.
>
> I think part of the trouble is that you cite sources as if they are authors,
> not as if they are merely sources.
> For puns from AHP. I assume you keep a running file of "possibles" to use
> in your list ...It must be easier figuring out who said it the day it is
> posted than it would be a week or more later on.
> Do you have the email address of people you cite so you can ask if
> necessary? I notice many on the lists use phony addresses.
Again I include the e-mail address on the longer groaners in "Profusion
of Puns Gaggles of Groaners"
It would be impossible for space reasons on "Puns of the Day" and "Puns
of the Weak". And you asre right, the address posted is frequently not a
valid one.
>
> >
> > I don't know what the solution is other than to stop posting the two
> lists.
> >
> A few suggestions above. I hope this helps. I enjoy the puns of the weak,
> and I know others do too.
>
> Best regards,
> Pam Shorey
Thanks for the suggestion
Stan
J. A. Mc.
these unused words floating about:
>Pam Shorey wrote:
You could be a little more punitent, and tack on a disclaimer. I
certainly feel all my mini-school contributions are "open speech" and
subject to quotation. I'd never send anyone to the punitentiary over a
mere phrase they were going through
.