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nemo

unread,

Jan 17, 2006, 10:38:32 AM1/17/06

(I use Combine and Decode to synchronise his stuff)

Michael Balarama wrote:

> "A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for
> nuns called, "Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout." The
> Vatican rejected the original title, "Nuns of Steel.""

Extraordinary bar nun!

nemo wrote:

> Milton J. Smuthworthy, I <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote in message
> news:40670a71$0$3902$45be...@newscene.com...
> >
> > So then "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> said:
> > >Milton J. Smuthworthy, I <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote in
> message
> > >news:406039c2$0$50541$45be...@newscene.com...
> > >
> > >> >Trouble is: If you post bee puns that are so terribly bad they make
> > >> >people commit suicide in droves, they beecome Beepuns of Mass
> > >> >Destruction.
> > >>
> > >> If you could entice one into some intestinal food with chemical
> > >> attractants, you'd have a bee leaving in cooked up entrail agents.
> > >
> > >Ullo. Somebody's read Hellstrom's Hive! - written by a very Frank
> Herbert!
> >
> > You mean I've been plagued, you're rised?
>
> Better than bathing in ass's milk and drowning coz it's pasteurized!

BC: Ancient bee ocean.

BO: Smelly bee.

BP: Bee urine.

BT: Bee beverage.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:406568C8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Can anyone drop me some good parachuting puns?
> >
> Old Para relates:
>
> "Yes, I parachuted down right into the middle of a chicked farm. I was up
to
> me neck in muck and pullets!
>
> Bloke named Fred Parts joins the Army. They straight away promote him to
> Corporal to avoid the obvious! (Think about it.)
>
> She was only a soldier's daughter,
> But she knew what Reggie meant!
>
> Terrorist opens up with an Uzi machine gun
> Soldier returns fire with a runny rifle!
>
> Anal retentive soldier eats large amounts of baked beans and drinks
several
> litres of very strong cyder . .
> Experts called in to deal with an unexploded bum!
>
> "This vintage rifle is filthy" - Dusty Springfield!

Parachutes: Two guns.

Parachutes: Two young plants.

Michael Balarama wrote:

> Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
> Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
> "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy

Daisy: Sea of flowers.

Tweedy: A small yellow bird demon.

Drawkcab: Cab that drives backwards.

Interviewing: Reporter bird.

Lubricating: Oil bell.

Palming: Hand vase.

Placer: Knight in a small California town.
Appeasing: Song at Munich in 1938.

Convincing: Persuasive song.

Farming: Far away rural Chinese vase.

Framing: Picture vase.
Antidote: An ant that cures poison victims.

Aspie: A urinating donkey.

Biplane: An aircraft that mates with both genders.

Deacon: A criminal demon.

D. Mon: Between D. Sun and D. Tues.

nemo wrote:

> Determined crows. They always carrion regardless.

Micros: Very tiny crows.

Croaking: Leader of the frogs.
Balming: Round Chinese vase.

Reading: To ding the bell again.

Rending: Bells being torn apart.

Sending: Bells on letters.

Painting: Hurting bells with color.

Thimble: Bull shaped like a thimble.

Artillery: Hurled paintings.

Ancestry: Very old tree.

Artistry: Tree with paintings, rugs, sculptures, musical compositions,
and other art.

Chemistry: Tree full of toxic stuff.

Country: Very big tree.

Geometry: Tree with lots of shapes.

Pastry: Tree with breads, donuts, rolls, biscuits, and cookies.

Compensate: To satisfy an electronic writing instrument.

Compete: A robot named Peter.

Competition: A computer collecting signatures for a cause.

Kilobyte: Big bad bite!

Megabyte: Even bigger bite?

RAM: Electronic male sheep.

Trilobite: Smart ancient animal.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:405D88DC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > headdr wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:405CAEA1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > David Reihmer <sim...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > > > > news:simwah-156D6A....@netnews.attbi.com...
> > > > > > In article <vecjov4r8et97gk0e...@4ax.com>,
> > > > > > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hindu-Swiss cheese: Holey Cow!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I get my holey cheese from the Dairy Llama.
> > > > > > --
> > > > > Which cheese to chose probably puts you on the horns of a Dalai
> Lama.
> > > > >
> > > > > (He's Buddhist BTW, not Hindu.)
> > > >
> > > > Emu: Cow on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > Spam: Ground pig on the internet.
> > > Coward: Going toward old Bossie.
> >
> > Spamming: Ground pig in a Chinese vase.
> >
> > Coward: A bovine political division in Vacaville.
> >
> Cowhide: "Where's your cowhide?" "He hide behind that tree over there!"
>
> Cowpoke: Activity of a *very* weird pervert indeed!
>
> Cowskin: A cows family.
>
> Buffalo: Naked cow that's fell down a deep hole.

Bovine: Vine that shoots arrows.

Dana Tweedy wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:405BE342...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Lobby: A bee that buzzes Congress for special favors.
> >
> > Dobby: A house elf bee that buzzes around Hogwarts.
>
> Honey, don't bee pollen our legs. If you are going to drone on, you
need at
> add a little sting. Discussions like this give me hives. Who died
and made
> you Queen? Oh well, as they say, Larvae and let live.

Busting: A bee mass transit vehicle?

Mister: Spinning woman.

Nester: Spinning bird home.

Pastor: Spinning church leader.

Pester: Spinning annoying life form.

Rester: Spinning sleeper.

Aiming: Chinese vase #1.

Beaming: Chinese vase #2. Contains buzzing insects.

Beating, Beeping: Bells #2: Contains buzzing insects.

C-Ming: A vase that seems to have lots of salt water.

C-ding: Bell that sows seeds in the sea.

C-ping: Bell that leaks salt water.

C-ting: Musical chair in the ocean.

D-ming: Chinese vase #4.

E-ting: Hungry bell on the Internet.

P-Ping: Bell #16, serves as a toilet.

T-Ming: Chinese vase #20, contains a stimulating beverage.

Stan Kegel wrote:

> PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 10-18-04
>
> THE ONE-LINERS
>
> He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now. (Marsha Coleman)
>
> Women have finally found acceptance in virtually every occupation in India
> except bookkeeping. With all the progress, there's still no accounting for
> women. (John S. Crosbie)
>
> Then there was the clumsy file clerk who dropped her birth control pills
> into the Xerox machine. It wouldn't reproduce for a month. (Paul Cooper)
>
> Didja hear about the circus fire eater who settled down and married his
old
> flame? They had a son who wanted to go into his dad's business when he
grew
> up but dad was unable to pass the torch. (Gary Hallock)

In fact, the son got fired!

> When the FBI arrested the head of a Mafia family, he turned out to be a
very
> proud man and kept refusing to answer their questions. They grilled him
all
> night without success but finally, when morning came, the don broke. (John
> S. Crosbie)

Pardon: Mafia boss playing golf.

> What might happen to a student at Harry Potter's school if he/she is
unable
> to successfully perform a single simple act of conjuring?
> The Get Hex-Spelled (Gary Hallock)

Like the custodian with the cat?

> Martha Stewart is sharing new quarters. How might she address her roomie
> that sounds like advice that will get her in trouble again?
> Cell mate! (Bob Dvorak)

Cell Mate: To put one's spouse on the auction block.

> What do you call an 18-wheeler carrying a big load of bottle of Crisco
> Oil Rig (Clynch Varnadore)

Is it driven by the Crisco Kid?

"fredm...@the.PC" wrote:

> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
news:<46Ssb.111759$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > news:joa7rvotojrra4fp5...@4ax.com...
> > > On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 15:38:19 GMT, "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > >Antibobies and disease resistance didn't just evolve.
> > > >
> > > >They were invented by a particular scientist after whom the whole
thing is named. That's why it's called Uri Moon system.
> > >
> > > ChilkatProverb:
> > >
> > > Man with antibody better bury her soon.
> >
> > Gay man would bury it in a Phagocyte.
>
> If Gay man not sure, Hermaphrodite plausible.

Gay Ping, Gay Ting: Homosexual Chinese.

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 08:07:21 +1300, "Gillian V" <gill...@xtra.co.nz>
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:101ag0t...@corp.supernews.com...
> >> A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve
> >> you, but don't start anything."
> >>
> >This sort of thing only leads to trouble.
> >
> Are you positive? There could be grounds for connection ...

This is truly shocking.

Shocking: Electrifying monarch.

mike wheeEler wrote:

> In article <tw5xb.218398$qu.1...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Jan Hyde <Stella...@REMOVE.ME.uboot.com> wrote in message
> >news:fj89svoufd7u6mfn4...@4ax.com...
> >> fre...@webtv.net (fredm...@the.PC)'s wild thoughts were
> >> released on 25 Nov 2003 23:04:05 -0800 bearing the following
> >> fruit:
> >>
> >> >"Kathy" <tnktk...@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
> >news:<%8Twb.31$he....@read1.cgocable.net>...
> >> >> "fredm...@the.PC ?Z" <FRE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> >> >> news:3244-3FC...@storefull-2375.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> >> >> > ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote:
> >> >> >
> >> >> > Digging up the head-bones at Piltdown was Skull Duggery!
> >> >> >
> >> >> > Dreaming of pubs while digging up those bones must have been Skol
!
> >> >> > drudgery.
> >> >> >
> >> >> A couple of large mastiffs would turn it into skull doggery.
> >> >
> >> >A few pesky insects would not be skull buggery ?
> >>
> >> The tripplets thought their mothers womb was a full snuggery
> >>
> >Tripplet? An incidence of falling over gently??
> >
> >Action of a boring person showing he doesn't know and/or doesn't care:
Dull
> >shruggery.
> >
> Tripplet? Is it just a Fluke that sugar is shuggary?

Quin Tet: 5 Vietnamese New Years.

"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:

> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > On Fri, 14 May 2004 20:25:29 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard" <cy...@Wizards.Tower>
> > found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > >>
> > >> On Fri, 14 May 2004 15:09:31 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
<cy...@Wizards.Tower>
> > >> found these unused words floating about:
> > >>
> > >> >James King wrote:
> > >> >>
> > >> >> In article <An4pc.294$J_...@front-1.news.blueyonder.co.uk>, nemo
> > >> >> <ne...@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > Cybe R. Wizard <cyber-...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > >> >> > news:40A417E2...@mindspring.com...
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > Kathy wrote:
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > >> >> > > > news:fk37a0dt1rc9oqi93...@4ax.com...
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > > On Thu, 13 May 2004 01:03:15 GMT, "KIMEVANS"
> > >> >> > > > > <kime...@bigpond.com> found these unused words floating
about:
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > > > "Marmoset" <marm...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > >> >> > > > > > news:Xns94E7A7EB89506...@216.196.97.131...
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > > > > Hear about the drunk optician?
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > > > > He made a spectacle out of himself he kept dropping
his
> > >> >> > > > > > > glasses
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > > I drinks, I gets tipsy, I drops.
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > > Blinkin' silly, that was.
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > > Silly it was but it's the best visine recently.
> > >> >>
> > >> >> > I thpode you thigk datth bleedin' fuddy!
> > >> >>
> > >> >> The jokes get cornea and cornea ...
> > >> >>
> > >> >As the Great Punster would tell us, "cope!"
> > >> >
> > >> Spare the rod and spoil the cone head?
> > >
> > >Per, "if I really..?"
> > >
> > So, the cat reacts ...
>
> And I reach for my Glock. Oh, mah aim is good, the pussy is pierced.
> Case closed, eye say.

Glocker: Gun dog.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4067D7E3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:406645A3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Camper: Vacation price.
> > > >
> > > > Camping: Vacationing bell.
> > > >
> > > > Console: Against shoes.
> > > >
> > > > EV: Electronic voting.
> > > >
> > > > Expense: Former British money.
> > > >
> > > > Extent: Former temporary housing for campers.
> > > >
> > > > Fiendish: Meal of monsters.
> > > >
> > > > Fencer: Boundary knight.
> > > >
> > > > Industry: Tree that grows all sorts of products, such as cars,
> > > > furniture, appliances, etc.
> > > >
> > > > Pacer: Knight walking back and forth.
> > > >
> > > > Placer: Knight staying put.
> > > >
> > > > Prophase: In favor of phasers.
> > >
> > > Propane: VD or cystitis!
> >
> > Propane: Professional torturer.
> >
> Counterpane: Sore feet from serving in a shop all day - also known as
> counterfeit.

Malleable: Very flexible bull in a shopping center.

Format: In favor of floor coverings.

Formatt: In favor of movie special effects.

Formula: In favor of money.

Subroutine: Done by an underwater computer.

Mauser: A knight gun that squeaks.

Stoker: Dog tending a fire.

Streaker: Nude dog.

Striker: Dog on a union picket line.

Striker: Dog pitching ace.

Sucker: Dog lollipop.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40A5DB43...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Michael Balarama wrote:
> >
> > > "Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the
> > > farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on
> > > you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
> > >
> > > "NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."
> >
> > Is he getting a little hoarse?
> >
> Nope, but he's travelled to a smelly Scottish island and has stared peeing
> from a funny place: Shitland Poe Knee.

Poe Knee: A knee that rhymes?

Vincent: A penny that paints Van Gohs.

Van Goh: A vehicle that paints.

Buffalo Chilkat wrote:

> He's doing his yearly Muslim fast, there's nothing you could Ramadan
> his throat right now.

Ramming: Male sheep vase.

nemo wrote:

> Dead rodent: Mouseover.

Dead sheep: No more RAM.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:404A1F55...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40493EEE...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Flooring: A ring down there.
> > >
> > > Podlogger: Yiddisher lumberjack with big feet.
> >
> > Conjuring: Ring that can teleport anything.
> >
> Teleport: Embarkation and dismbarkation point for TV sets.

Teleport: Far away wine.

Report: To drink wine again.

Comport: Wine on the Internet.

Alan wrote:

> On Sat, 08 May 2004 02:59:41 -0700, Tim Bruening
> <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
>
> >Lisa wrote:
> >
> >> Yes and I'm famished... got any Timbits?
> >
> >Samples of my puns?:)
>
> Actually Tim Horton's.

Horton: 2,000 pound prostitute?

Steve Jacobson wrote:

> They had real problems at the zoo last week The Chinese bears got loose
and
> terrorized the people. They also opened many of the cages and let the
other
> animals out. It two days to get all the animals back in their cages.
>
> Yes, it was real panda monium there.

The zoo was really snake bit!

Parcel: Very small golfer.

Parcel: To sell a golf course.

Parnell: Musical golf course.

Parting: Another musical golf course.

Tucker: Dog in Robin Hood's band.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:414D76B0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:414CC7C6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:414A3865...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:41443AD4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > On Wed, 12 May 2004 19:32:12 +1200, "ur_droll"
> > > <who....@fuck.co>
> > > > > found
> > > > > > > > > these unused words floating about:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >"Mel" <m...@atj.faq.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > > >news:grh2a01cndr5s22v6...@4ax.com...
> > > > > > > > > >: On Mon, 10 May 2004 20:36:07 +1200, "ur_droll"
> > > > > <who....@fuck.co>
> > > > > > > wrote
> > > > > > > > > >in
> > > > > > > > > >: message <hbHnc.2881$XI4.1...@news.xtra.co.nz>:
> > > > > > > > > >: >"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in
> > > message
> > > > > > > > > >: >news:409F3A5E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > > > >: >: Yo, ur_droll!
> > > > > > > > > >: >It would seem that yer just another "yo yo"
> > > > > > > > > >:
> > > > > > > > > >: He didn't say "Yo, Mel". I believe it is hard to
> pronounce.
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >It has a peculiar ring about it
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Duncan the issue?
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Hi, Lander: Greeting to NASA'a Mars Probes.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hi speed Lander: NASAs Sun Probe, presumably designed by a
mole!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A Russian mole?
> > > > > >
> > > > > Nope. A leisurely mole.
> > > >
> > > > Mastic: Heavy tic.
> > > >
> > > Mastic Varnish: A flea magic trick.
> >
> > Mated: Ted Williams in the 5th month.
> >
> > Muted: A cat or cow named Ted.
> >
> > Muted: Subatomic Ted.
> >
>
> Mooted: A hypothetical case put forward that there might be a cow called
> Ted.

Bated: Ted at an ocean outlet.

Grated: Elderly Ted Williams or Ted Kennedy.

Hated: Greeting to Ted Williams or Ted Kennedy.

Hated: Ted with dried grass.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:414D7828...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:414CC7C6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:414A3865...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:41443AD4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > On Wed, 12 May 2004 19:32:12 +1200, "ur_droll"
> > > <who....@fuck.co>
> > > > > found
> > > > > > > > > these unused words floating about:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >"Mel" <m...@atj.faq.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > > >news:grh2a01cndr5s22v6...@4ax.com...
> > > > > > > > > >: On Mon, 10 May 2004 20:36:07 +1200, "ur_droll"
> > > > > <who....@fuck.co>
> > > > > > > wrote
> > > > > > > > > >in
> > > > > > > > > >: message <hbHnc.2881$XI4.1...@news.xtra.co.nz>:
> > > > > > > > > >: >"Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in
> > > message
> > > > > > > > > >: >news:409F3A5E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > > > >: >: Yo, ur_droll!
> > > > > > > > > >: >It would seem that yer just another "yo yo"
> > > > > > > > > >:
> > > > > > > > > >: He didn't say "Yo, Mel". I believe it is hard to
> pronounce.
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >It has a peculiar ring about it
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Duncan the issue?
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Hi, Lander: Greeting to NASA'a Mars Probes.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hi speed Lander: NASAs Sun Probe, presumably designed by a
mole!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A Russian mole?
> > > > > >
> > > > > Nope. A leisurely mole.
> > > >
> > > > Mastic: Heavy tic.
> > > >
> > > Mastic Varnish: A flea magic trick.
> >
> > Cubit: Computer programs in line.
> >
> > Escort: Where snakes are tried.
> >
> > Espirit: Snake ghost.
> >
> > Scow: Snake cow.
> >
> > Skit: Snake cat.
> >
> Aspirations: An adder's daily food intake.

Skitties: Snake candy.

"Keith E." wrote:

> Tue, 16 Mar 2004 10:41:27 -0700 was a day just like any other,
> until "Bill Colmers" <sambo...@whatever.ca> wrote:
> >
> >"Keith E." <i.m....@aol.com> wrote in message
> >news:019fa850d3a7c8ca...@news.1usenet.com...
> >> Mon, 15 Mar 2004 18:51:22 -0800 was a day just like any other,
> >> until Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> >
> >SNIP
> >
> >> >You want to be raped and pillaged? Get out of atj NOW. It's your
> >> >only hope!
> >>
> >> I'm surrendering pygthur the lesbian hoards.
> >
> >And just what, may I ask, were the hordes hoarding?
>
> It matters?!?
>
> >Bill
> >
> >Call the ration police!
>
> Then call the irrational police.

The Pi police, the e police, the square root of 2 police, etc.

"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:

> On Tue, 02 Dec 2003 18:23:59 -0800
> "Michael N. LeVine" <mle...@redshift.com> wrote:
>
> > In article <20031202184703.69f90bc7.Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower>,
> > "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote:
> >
> > > On Wed, 03 Dec 2003 00:00:26 GMT
> > > "john czarnuszewicz" <jac...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
> > >
> > > > People who die find themselves in a grave situation.
> > > >
> > > I once had a girlfriend like that. Of corpse, you cadaver.
> > >
> > > Cybe R. Wizard
> >
> > Don't get on the wrong side of anyone who works at a cemetary ---
> > they know where all the bodies are buried....
> > --
> > Michael LeVine
>
> ...cemetery-ble frown...
>
> I'm sure they have their own closets full of skeletons.

Skeletons: Heavy bones.

On Tue, 2 Dec 2003 09:28:21 -0800, "Nick Bell"
<nicand_n...@yahoo.com> found these unused words floating about:

>
>Renee writeth this ...
>
> I love cats. I prefer them to people.
> They don't clog the Interstate
> and they seldom vote Republican
>
>I am definitely against giving cats the vote or letting them have
driver's licenses.
>Especially undocumented ones. And these days an election can be won by
a whisker.

Whisker: Dog with think long hairs on their faces.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40935694...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> >
> > > So then "Greg Evans" <mis...@larkbooks.com> said:
> > > >Milton J. Smuthworthy, I wrote:
> > > >
> > > >>> You put your left foot in, you take your left
> > > >>> foot out......
> > > >>
> > > >> Oh yeah, we can do that one. And the twist too. How do you
> > > >> think we get dates?
> > > >
> > > >I bet you look pretty silly gyratin' around like that while you pick
> palm
> > > >fruits!
> > >
> > > I wouldn't call those Arabs silly like that.
> >
> > How would you call the Arabs silly?
> >
> From right to left in what looks like Pitman Shorthand on a bad day!

Pitman: A dog/human crossbreed?
Sheila Dundee wrote:

> Harry Farkas wrote:
> > "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > news:n19osv4lf5c1u8c6i...@4ax.com...
> >> Harry Farkas wrote:
> >>
> >> <snip>
> >>
> >>>>>>>>>>>> There was a big to-do at the medical conference. Each
> >>>>>>>>>>>> specialty wanted their own choice for dinner.
> >>>>>>>>>>>> The Ophthalmologists wanted Eyetalian food.
> >>>>>>>>>>>> The Cardiologists wanted hearts of palm.
> >>>>>>>>>>>> The Urologists wanted pea soup.
> >>>>>>>>>>>> The Neurologists wanted meat lobes.
> >>>>>>>>>>>> And the Proctologists wanted rump roast.
> >>>>>>>>>>> The anesthesiologists wanted braised tsetse fly.
> >>>>>>>>>>> The internists wanted broiled tripe and sweetbread.
> >>>>>>>>>>> The orthopedists were happy just gnawing on a bone.
> >>>>>>>>>> The Nephologists wanted shellfish and the Obstinatricians
> >>>>>>>>>> refused to eat anything!
> >>>>>>>>>> The dentists just jawed down.
> >>>>>>>>> I heard the orthopedic surgeons saw ribs in their future.
> >>>>>>>>> The plastic surgeons inserted a request for melons.
> >>>>>>>> the psychiatrists thought about times when they were stuffed
> >>>>>>>> ate Jung bean soup and washed it down with Freudian brew.
> >>>>>>> The proctologists greased the waiter to order chitlins.
> >>>>>> The toxicologists ordered *poisson*.
> >>>>> The forensic pathologist ordered chopped liver.
> >>>>> Stephen King's psychiatrist had ghoulash.
> >>>>> The nematologist wanted brains.
> >>>> The podiatrists nailed down a serving of Pig's feet.
> >>> And the chiropodists pigged out on s'nails.
> >> The veterinarians wanted cock.
> >
> > The internists skipped dinner and just fooled around with their
> > organs.
>
> I donor about you but I reject the thought that internists are
> anti-bodies.

Blood Type: Vampire secretaries.

Blood Bank: Vampire money changers.

"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote:
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> >
> >>On 6 May 2004 07:34:20 -0500, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> >><tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
> >>
> >>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>Should I give it the boot?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>Maybe you need to reset your expectations.
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>>Can I take the bus to get there?
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>If it's not too SCSI.
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>That last two I was on were a pair o' hells.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>Oh, you can NOT be serial!!
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>RS2! 32 others agreed with me.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>Sorry to interrupt. 67 would disagree.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>If they don't want to be convinced, then you'll just have to get
> >>>>>in-ter-face!
> >>>>
> >>>>This thread is beginning to IRQ me. Would you two just address the
> >>>>matter at hand. I can get DMAnding if I have to.
> >>>
> >>>Oh Yeah? Better checksum of your ramdrive if you want to keepalive!
> >>
> >>That's just a parallel argument, Milt, and not imPORTant.
> >
> >
> > As opposed to a perpendicular argument?
>
> Don't go off on a tangent!

A man in the sun?

Kathy wrote:

> "Buffalo Chilkat" <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:3ggorvsdr7n6uuh45...@4ax.com...
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >"nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >news:MCPub.27404$qu....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >>
> > >> fredm...@the.PC ?Z <FRE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > >> news:1660-3FB...@storefull-2375.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> > >> > ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> > >> >
> > >> > Old MacDonald was dyslexic - E O I O E
> > >> > (Billy Colony)
> > >> >
> > >> > Silly burger!
> > >> >
> > >> > Nemo
> > >> >
> > >> > Silly AND stale old burger. You want flies with that ?
> > >> >
> > >> Don't tell me they've started doing Eccles Cake Burgers!
> > >>
> > >Nah, they merely signed the Maggot à laCarta.
> >
> > That was a real quiller.
> >
> 'Twas a scroll in the park.

Scroll Ling: Ancient Chinese document.

Analysing: Singing from the wrong end with a Descant voice.

Arising: A very strange and twisted song.

Buck-passing: Song by the father of a stag.

Bunsing: A US fart! (An animal found at the Cape of Good Hope,
resembling the ferret, but twice as large. When pursued, it emits an
intolerable stench.)

Ceasing: A shanty. (No, not the African tribe!)

Ceasing: A song sung by a mermaid.

Reflute: To play music again.

Refruit: The tree has grown more oranges for me to pick.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:414D78C5...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:414A35FD...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:414438F4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Breaking: King of dancing by spinning on the ground.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Braking: King of stopping.
> > > > >
> > > > > . . or of noisy donkeys.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Faking: Pretender to the throne.
> > > > >
> > > > > . . or king of the fairies, ducky!
> > > >
> > > > Ducky: Unlocks waterfowl.
> > > >
> > > Mucky: Unlocks the refuse cart.
> >
> > Contamination: Polluted country.
> >
> > Poorest: An inadequate chair or wall.
> >
> > Purest: A chair or wall with no contamination.
> >
> Imprest: A chair that has been lent to a demon.
>
> Reforeast: A stand to place your old-fashioned spliff on.

Compatriots: Computer nationalists.

Drummond: Pile of percussion instruments.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:414D7AA5...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:414A35FD...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:414438F4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Breaking: King of dancing by spinning on the ground.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Braking: King of stopping.
> > > > >
> > > > > . . or of noisy donkeys.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Faking: Pretender to the throne.
> > > > >
> > > > > . . or king of the fairies, ducky!
> > > >
> > > > Ducky: Unlocks waterfowl.
> > > >
> > > Mucky: Unlocks the refuse cart.
> >
> > Cotton: 2,000 pound sleeping place.
> >
> Bunkum: Native American's small bed.

Alternative: Resident of a parallel universe.

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Wed, 3 Dec 2003 17:49:27 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> >> On Wed, 03 Dec 2003 00:00:26 GMT
> >> "john czarnuszewicz" <jac...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
> >>
> >>> People who die find themselves in a grave situation.
> >>>
> >> I once had a girlfriend like that. Of corpse, you cadaver.
> >
> > I wasn't very inter -ested in this thread because I don't think you
> >are really in urn-est.
> >(Sorry to pick vault )
> >
> Bury good ... Itching to reply, but it was just a crypt tick.

A tick that writes and speaks in code?

Mumble: Mother of a male bovine.

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

On 31 Oct 2004 18:04:38 -0400, "pmartore" <pmar...@mtholyoke.edu>
found
these unused words floating about:

>Why can't ghosts become fathers?
>
>Because they have hollow-weenies
>
Mein gott ... I'm a ghost!

tube or not tube ... I ghost that is the question!

Ghosting: Ghostly bee.
> 1 To The Fourth, 2 To The Fourth Puns

"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:

> On Fri, 06 Feb 2004 17:26:04 -0800
> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
>
> > On Sat, 7 Feb 2004 11:18:58 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> >
> > >J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >> On Thu, 5 Feb 2004 11:25:01 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > >> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> > >about:>
> > >>>
> > >>> "headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> > >>> news:mzxTb.7447$GO6....@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> > >>>>
> > >>>> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > >>>> news:953t101c2gi7dm3hu...@4ax.com...
> > >>>>> On 02 Feb 2004 11:50:36 GMT, Dr Tormento <re...@togroup.com>
> > >found>>>> these unused words floating about:
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>> Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote in
> > >>>>>> news:bvlcvn$85b$1...@rzsun03.rrz.uni-hamburg.de:
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote:
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> "Palema" <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > >>>>>>>> news:Gd9Tb.13882$2%1.5...@newssvr24.news.prodigy.com...
> > >>>>>>>>> A Buddhist refused Novocain during a root canal because he

> > >>>>>>>>> wanted to transcend dental medication.
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> that puns hits a nerve
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Who caries?
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> I dent know.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>> Denture in for a rough time ...
> > >>>>>
> > >>>> He countered with two expletives, a bicuspid.
> > >>>
> > >>> That was cutting ! We'll never bridge the gap now! :-(
> > >>>
> > >> They make variations incisor fitting anyone.
> > >
> > > If we amalgam ate will we get sick?
> > >
> > Nein, you'll be OK, but not nine.
> >
> After reading this, on my bike I sped away.

Megabytes: Computer dentists.

mike wheeELer wrote:

> In article <40219466$0$28870$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>,
> Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au, Sheila Dundee was looking at the world
oddly when:
> >
> >
> >"headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
> >news:mzxTb.7447$GO6....@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> >>
> >> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> news:953t101c2gi7dm3hu...@4ax.com...
> >> > On 02 Feb 2004 11:50:36 GMT, Dr Tormento <re...@togroup.com>
found
> >these
> >> > unused words floating about:
> >> >
> >> > >Hauke Reddmann <fc3...@uni-hamburg.de> wrote in
> >> > >news:bvlcvn$85b$1...@rzsun03.rrz.uni-hamburg.de:
> >> > >
> >> > >> Michael Balarama <mba...@ev1.net> wrote:
> >> > >>
> >> > >>> "Palema" <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> >> > >>> news:Gd9Tb.13882$2%1.5...@newssvr24.news.prodigy.com...
> >> > >>>> A Buddhist refused Novocain during a root canal because he
> >wanted to
> >> > >>>> transcend dental medication.
> >> > >>
> >> > >>> that puns hits a nerve
> >> > >>
> >> > >> Who caries?
> >> > >
> >> > > I dent know.
> >> >
> >> > Denture in for a rough time ...
> >> >
> >> He countered with two expletives, a bicuspid.
> >
> > That was cutting ! We'll never bridge the gap now! :-(
> >
> Wire strippers not noted for their teeth?

Or their Wisdom?

"Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:

Megabytes: Computer dentists.

Pollywolly wrote:

> J. A. Mc. wrote:
>

> > That's what lawyers say ... "Where there's a will, there's away!"
>
> Oh bequeath

Bee that writes wills.

nemo wrote:

> Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:fujsrvoa1p9vaqgev...@4ax.com...
> > On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 17:51:51 GMT, "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet>
> > wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >nemo <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >news:ea8vb.51685$qu.4...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >>
> > >> fredm...@the.PC <fre...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > >> news:3361f1b9.03111...@posting.google.com...
> > >> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > >> news:<3fbc2286$0$13673$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > >> > > Kathy wrote:
> > >> > > > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >> > > > news:MCPub.27404$qu....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >> > > >>
> > >> > > >> fredm...@the.PC ?Z <FRE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > >> > > >>
news:1660-3FB...@storefull-2375.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> > >> > > >>> ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Old MacDonald was dyslexic - E O I O E
> > >> > > >>> (Billy Colony)
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Silly burger!
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Nemo
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Silly AND stale old burger. You want flies with that ?
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >> Don't tell me they've started doing Eccles Cake Burgers!
> > >> > > >>
> > >> > > > Nah, they merely signed the Maggot à laCarta.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > I larva pun like that!
> > >> >
> > >> > You'll outgrow it once you find your wings.
> > >>
> > >> Not if he drinks his ale late!
> > >>
> > >That obviously went over your heads. It would. It's the technical term
> for
> > >wing-like and is used to describe winged insects such as queen and
drone
> > >ants!
> > >
> > Hey Mr. High and Mighty. I have a Ph.D. in that bug stuff, so blow it
> > out your ass.
> >
> You sure it ain't a Nh.D., nick?!
>
> And I haven't had mighty yet. It's still in the pot.

Potting: Musical ceramic container.

Potting: Musical majuana.

Plotting: Musical play.

nemo wrote:

> fredm...@the.PC <fre...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:3361f1b9.0311...@posting.google.com...
> > Buffalo Chilkat <mam...@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:<fujsrvoa1p9vaqgev...@4ax.com>...
> > > On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 17:51:51 GMT, "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >nemo <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > >news:ea8vb.51685$qu.4...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >>
> > > >> fredm...@the.PC <fre...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > > >> news:3361f1b9.03111...@posting.google.com...
> > > >> > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > > news:<3fbc2286$0$13673$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > > >> > > Kathy wrote:
> > > >> > > > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > >> > > > news:MCPub.27404$qu....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >> > > >>
> > > >> > > >> fredm...@the.PC ?Z <FRE...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > > >> > > >>
> news:1660-3FB...@storefull-2375.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> > > >> > > >>> ne...@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> > > >> > > >>>
> > > >> > > >>> Old MacDonald was dyslexic - E O I O E
> > > >> > > >>> (Billy Colony)
> > > >> > > >>>
> > > >> > > >>> Silly burger!
> > > >> > > >>>
> > > >> > > >>> Nemo
> > > >> > > >>>
> > > >> > > >>> Silly AND stale old burger. You want flies with that ?
> > > >> > > >>>
> > > >> > > >> Don't tell me they've started doing Eccles Cake Burgers!
> > > >> > > >>
> > > >> > > > Nah, they merely signed the Maggot à laCarta.
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > > I larva pun like that!
> > > >> >
> > > >> > You'll outgrow it once you find your wings.
> > > >>
> > > >> Not if he drinks his ale late!
> > > >>
> > > >That obviously went over your heads. It would. It's the technical
term
> for
> > > >wing-like and is used to describe winged insects such as queen and
> drone
> > > >ants!
> > > >
> > > Hey Mr. High and Mighty. I have a Ph.D. in that bug stuff, so blow it
> out your ass.
> >
> > (True) There's a sign above a salon in my neighbourhood that reads
> > 'Jean Phillips, P.H.D.' and in smaller letters, 'Professional Hair
> > Designer'....doesn't seem to bug anyone when she flaunts her
> > assets....has her hair pulled back in a tight pun.
>
> That's her elephant.

With a big trunk to pack in.

dustbird wrote:

> > > ----- For this effort, my ex-boss assigned me tree puns. ---
> > > I would like help on TREE related puns >
>
> I benin many places. I sapele play soccer in Brazil. Was he ever
limba.
> And very poplar.
> I went to Princeton, and ramin to Einstein. Zebrano! I wanted to
> introduce him to my brothers and sisters, Myrtle, Burl, Bub, Inga. My
> brother said: "Butternut." But I was satin he wood love them. By gum, he
> did. He said "Everything is relativity!" Elm his fan. The men's room was
in
> the basement. I had tupelo.
> I had back pain. Old war wound. Purpleheart. Heard of medicine man.
Flew
> to New Guinea. Herbal cure didn't work. I was teaked off, but I padauk the
> shaman. Pain got desperate.
> Flew to Rome. Birch into Church. Met Father John and Sister Rose. Got
> religion. Prima vera! Trod the narra path. Faux satine. Bought a rosary.
> "What kind of wood is this cross made of?", I asked Father John.
"Rosewood,"
> he said. And she did. Sycamore! But my back hurt. She said I had to go on
a
> diet. We went to a healthfood restaurant. I ordered a low-calorie
cocobolo,
> and we goncalo alves. Lost some weight, back pain went away. I'm oak now,
> still pecan away.

Recently, my stepdad planted acorn patch.

I O-Pine that we should get out of Iraq before more of our people get
shipped home in wood.

I love the beech.

nemo wrote:
> Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> news:10d9cp7...@corp.supernews.com...
>> James King wrote:
>>> In article <7540d0dkplel4c6ko...@4ax.com>,
>>> Dougal <big...@klanmeetings.co.uk> wrote:
>>>
>>>> On Sun, 13 Jun 2004 13:08:36 -0700, Larry Krzewinski
>>>> <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> You'd better stop or I'm going to kick you with my Schumann.
>>>>
>>>> All these composer puns have Strauss-ed me out.
>>>
>>> It Salieri twists and light-winded turns of language that get me.
>>>
>>> After reading these music puns for a while, you get a clef palate.
>>
>> One has to be sharp to keep going with them.
>>
> These puns are suffocating. I can't breve!

You need Ox-ygen (An air draft animal).

Michael Balarama wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3FD24BB7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Michael Balarama wrote:
> >
> > > Was sent this:
> > >
> > > Noted Doughboy Dies
> > >
> > > Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a
severe
> > > yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve,"
Fresh
> > > was an avid gardener and tennis player.
> > >
> > > Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in
recent
> > > years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.
Butterworth,
> > > the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker,
the
> > > Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
> > >
> > > The graveside was piled high with flower as longtime friend, Aunt
> > > Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never

> > > knew how much he was kneaded."
> > >
> > > Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled

> > > with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
> > > wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those
who
> > > buttered him up.
> > >
> > > Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
He
> > > enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun
at
> > > him.
> > >
> > > Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and
> > > another bun in the oven.
> > >
> > > The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
> >
> > May he Rise In Peace.
>
> He was puffed up

How much dough did he leave to his family? How much bread did he win?

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Fri, 26 Mar 2004 18:30:54 GMT, "headdr" <tmac...@mindspring.com>
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:uqr46091pe2omr862...@4ax.com...
> >> On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 16:48:01 -0500, "Harry Farkas"
<hfa...@wowway.com>
> >> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >[Courtesy of Pat Drnec in alt.autos.studebaker]
> >> >
> >> > Misys gives Pecker head job
> >> >
> >> > By Nick Lord 05 March 2004
> >> >
> >> > Rudi Pecker assumes position in top slot in Asia.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > After 14 years inside Misys in Europe, Rudi Pecker has been
> >elevated
> >> >to the financial technology company's Singapore office, to become
head of
> >> >Asia Pacific sales. In this role, Pecker will head all Misys'
strategic
> >and
> >> >commercial activities in the region, aiming to grow the business
and
> >enter
> >> >into long term relationships. Pecker's breadth of experience....
> >> >
> >> One broker put a "Don't Buy" on Misys, seems to be headed for the
Red
> >Light
> >> district.
> >>
> >
> >Peter Piper Pimped For A Peck Of Pickled Peckers.
> >
> >Pecker head?
> >
> Narh ... The gals have a head for peckers, Petey has a mind for prose.

I see that his peck rose to the occasion.

Dougal wrote:

> On Sun, 13 Jun 2004 13:08:36 -0700, Larry Krzewinski
> <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
>
> >You'd better stop or I'm going to kick you with my Schumann.
>
> All these composer puns have Strauss-ed me out.

Composer: Music writing knight.

Kathy wrote:

Sprint Ting: Fast Chinese.

Julie: Female Jewish Chinese.

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 18:48:19 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 08:08:59 -0800
> >J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >
> >> On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 08:54:33 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> >> <mam...@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >
> >> >Man who kiss ass, better be sitting on the donkey.
> >> Where did you burro that from?
> >> ('M ule keep it a secret, right?)
> >
> >He's been drinking too much jenn, jack.
> >
> Perhaps we should send him out into Death Valley to find a Lost Burro
> ... Mine! He'll be a Hunter mountain the trail.

Trail Ling: Chinese hiker.

Bail Ling: Chinese leaves jail.

Nail Ling: Chinese carpenter.

Nail Ling: End of a Finger Ling.

"fredm...@the.PC" wrote:

> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
news:<2Wrvb.69633$qu....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > news:nkcsrvon9aac3dd6k...@4ax.com...
> > > On Thu, 20 Nov 2003 19:31:55 GMT, "Carlos Trevino" <jua...@swbell.net>
> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > > >news:20031118203534.0e01a5b0.Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower...
> > > >> On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 17:20:59 -0800
> > > >> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> > On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 13:33:49 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
> > > >> > <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> found these unused words
floating
> > > >> > about:
> > > >> >
> > > >> > >On Tue, 18 Nov 2003 17:55:12 GMT, Bill Baker
> > > >> > ><wba...@postini.spamcon.org> wrote:
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > >>>>>>>> Who wants dirty birds fluttering around in the house?
> > They'll give you>>>>>>> canarial diseases.
> > > >> > >>>>>>>
> > > >> > >>>>>>> Canarial diseases, lol, like chirpees?
> > > >> > >>>>>>
> > > >> > >>>>>>Yes! Do you know it's untweetable!
> > > >> > >>>>>
> > > >> > >>>>> What's it do, make you flighty?
> > > >> > >>>>
> > > >> > >>>>Not nest-essarily. You may notice it robin your strength.
But
> > there are>>>moa symptoms.
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >>> It's nothing to crow about. There is always a flicker of
hope
> > > >> > >that>> you won't catch it. I've heard that if you avoid being
> > goosed
> > > >> > >that>> you're reasonably safe. Just remember to duck if someone
> > > >> > >walks up>> behind you.
> > > >> > >>
> > > >> > >>I'll be sure to make that my cardinal rule.
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > >Great. I'll let you know if I heron-y more about this from my
> > > >> > >hawkish friend in the defense department.
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > You'll egret it ... !
> > > >>
> > > >> ...from heron out.
> > > >>
> > > >> Cybe R. Wizard
> > > >> --
> > > >Other symptoms are Fowl breath, your eyes Finch, your Booby swells
and
> > you
> > > >might hear a Buzzard sound causing you to lose your Eagle-librium
which
> > will
> > > >make you Gull-ible trying to fly your Kite. Treatment is very
expensive so you might have to tell your doctor to do with is bill what the
stork can do with his.....stick it up his butt!
> > > >Carlos
> > > >
> > > That's hard to swallow.
> > >
> > Someone should take a file and remove the sharp edges from burred lovers
before they cut each other!
>
> I bet a cockfight ensues, just can't say w hen.

Cock Pit: Hole of roosters at the front of a plane.

artyw wrote:

> Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:<68SUb.1256$wt....@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com>...
> > At the White House: We want you to fillmore at home
>
> Dont Polk fun at our presidents.

Don't Tippacanoe!

Blocking: Leader of a neighborhood gang.

Blocking: Leader of a group of nations.

Rocking: Elvis Presley and the Beatles.

Stocking: King of the Dow.

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4296E5CA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Dan Mercer wrote:
> >
> > > "Steve Siegfried" <s...@zjod.net> wrote in message
> news:J4ohc.179007$K91.447637@attbi_s02...
> > > :
> > > : Folks,
> > > :
> > > : The senior son sent me an article yesterday from Yahoo.news
about
> > > : the sudden demise of 60 year-old McDonald's CEO, Jim Cantalupo,
who
> > > : died on Monday of an apparent heart attack.
> > > :
> > > : The article came tagged with his message: "Ummm....I'll take
Irony
> > > : for 300, Alex."
> > >
> > > I guess the senior son hasn't watched Jeopardy in a couple of
years.
> >
> > Jeopardy: A demon in distress.
> >
> Jeopard: Spotted big cat in danger.

Parody: Demon satire.
Belting: Musical Chinese.

Bowleg: Leg decoration.

Bowline: Line of arrow firing equipment.

Coping: Bell Co-op.

Copying: Cloned Chinese.

On 07 Jan 2004 12:46:24 GMT, Dr Tormento <re...@togroup.com> found these

unused words floating about:

>earlo...@aol.com (Earlofduke2) wrote in
>news:20040106162719...@mb-m18.aol.com:
>
>> What does an oyster bar taste like? Is it covered with chocolate?
>
> Anybody know the cover charge at the clam strip bar?

How does a clam strip?

Clamming: Shelled Chinese vase in the deep blue sea.
"Alan B. Combs" wrote:

> Untold riches. That is the goal of any self-respecting buccaneer.
> Gold, rubies, diamonds, bullion -- all are acceptable plunder for
these
> thieves of the high seas.
>
> When the the ill-gotten gains are particularly good, many brigands
will
> put their goods in a sack and swing the swag above their heads. Then
> they dance around in a little wiggle-waggle jig very similar to that
> adopted by many NFL players who have just made a touchdown.
>
> Indeed, it is most entertaining to watch a pirate shake his booty.

Booty: Beverage drunk by a ghost.

Boozing: Alcoholic beverage drunk by a ghost.

Acuity: Tea that improves eyesight.

Adoring: One ring that acts as a portal.

Avidity: Tea that increases curiosity or cuio-city.

Avow: One oath.

Awing: One wing.

Agronomist: Fog on the farm.

Aroma: Mother of scents.

Damper: Price of a mother deer or water barrier.

Dampest: Creature that bothers the above.

Damping: Musical mother deer or water barrier.

Dammit: Glove of same.

Mercantile: Floor coverings of businesses.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40973D36...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "fredm...@the.PC" wrote:
> >
> > > There is a pecking order in here, so your Raven is deferred.
> >
> > Peck King: King of sexy birds.
> >
> Peck King Order: Royal edict.

Edict: Penis on the Internet.

Tick King Time Bomb: Explosive parasite monarch.

dvd...@webtv.net wrote:

> wrote: I often wondered what would happen if you feed Devil's food
cake
> to Angel fish .
> ------------------------------------------
> "Little Nicky"? ;)

Nicky: 5 cent unlocking device.

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41F08707...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On Thu, 20 Jan 2005 10:05:51 +0000 (UTC), "Remus" <re...@hotmail.com>
> found
> > > these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >Determination = To restart that which has ended; to raise the dead ;
> (in CIA parlance) to unassassinate someone.
> > > Devote: to now elect JFK d'turd?
> >
> > Devote: To undo an election, as in Burma several years ago, or in the
> Ukraine last year.
> >
> Ukraine: Big thing with a hook and a jib for lifting very overweight
female
> sheep.

Or yew trees?

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