The Bilberry Credential

[Sub]

Host: "Wecome to the Gwyness Book of Records Hour!"
Bill: "I thought this was the Guiness Book of World Records Hour"
H: "No. That's next door."
B: "Oh. Well, then..."
H: "But why don't you just stay awhile? Guiness is just a beer. We're wine."
B: "But..."
H: "Audience, give him a big hand!" [Applause]
B: "Well, OK. I came early."
H: "Bill, this will just take a couple of minutes. We need to fill in a
little time until our Contortionist gets here. But, not to worry - we've
heard about you."
B: "Thank you."
H: "From the tabloids. Now tell our audience why you're celebrated, Bill -
in your own words."
B: "Long name."
H: "That's right, folks! Bill Berry has the Oldest Living Geneology of
Consecutive First Names! How many Bills are among your ancestors, Bill?"
B: "Sixty."
H: "That's sixty in a row, and Bill is -"
B: "Sixty-one."
H: "Not as old as the Pharaohs though, Bill?"
B: "Not as old, but -
H: "But twice as consecutive! Ha! Ha!"
B: "That's a good one."
H: "You come from a famous family. Now tell us Bill, if you will, how it all
got started."
B: "Well, my first namesake discovered the bilberry."
H: "You mean your...?"
B: "Yes. I mean my great great great great great great great..."
H: "Good enough, Bill. Now just tell us this, Bill. You say the bilberry is
named after your eponymous patriarch, the original Bill Berry?"
B: "That's right."
H: "Then, in that case, why don't you spell your name Bil Berry?"
B: "I didn't have any choice - my parents named me Bill Berry."
H: "And your parents were not mistaken?"
B: "No. I am Bill Berry!"
H: "Let's think this through, Bill. Isn't it a fact that you are named after
the bilberry?"
B: "I came after, yes."
H: "Let me put it this way, Bill. Isn't it actually the fact that your
ancestor was named after the bilberry, and not the bilberry after your
ancestor?"
B: "Uh, no."
H: "Otherwise, the bilberry would be spelled billberry - with two ls -and
it's not?"
B: "No, it's not. I mean, yes, it isn't. Is it?"
H: "In which case, you do not come from a famous family. In which case, your
family is a hoax."
B: "A hoax?"
H: "A hoax. I despise your geneology."
B: "But we were like - aristocrats - you know."
H: "You're finished. Caput."
B: "But what about my son?"
H: "You have a son?"
B: "My wife's expecting Bill Sixty-two."
H: "Well, better name him Baby Blue, because it's all over now."
B: "Maybe I can name him Logan."
H: "What do you think of that name, audience?"
Audience: "Logan! Logan! Logan!"
H: "Time's up!."
B: "I can be a Contortionist."
H: "Goodbye."