[soc.history.what-if] Re: Dragons existed
Gene Wirchenko
From: "John Holmes" <john.h...@virgin.net>
Newsgroups: soc.history.what-if, alt.history.what-if
"Robert J. Kolker" <bobk...@attbi.com> wrote in message
news:3D7763E0...@attbi.com...
>
>
> BernardZ wrote:
> >
> > Maybe you can share with us what scientific law makes them impossible!
> >
> >
> >
> What do these beasties eat/drink that gives them an unlimited supply of
> two part hypergolic effluent? What kind of D.N.A. based metabolism
> would produce such stuff?
>
> Bob Kolker
>
>
OK, Bob, I'll tackle this one.
Let's say that dragons are not lizards, but are actually mammals...
<go on, say it>
... and let's say that they are ruminants just in the process of evolving
into omnivores...
<say that, too>
... and there we have it - everything is explained and everyone's happy.
Firstly, being mammals gives them the high metabolic rate to power their
flying-and-firebreathing lifestyles.
Now, being ruminants gives them multi-chambered stomachs. Ruminants need
such a complex gastric arrangement to extract all they can from the
nutrient-poor grass and plant material that they graze upon.
But our dragons are *known* to consume the odd errant knight or damsel in
distress. Clearly, they are not solely herbivores - perhaps they're
undergoing a transition to becoming omnivores. This means that perhaps not
all the chambers in their complex stomachs are necessarily needed for
digestion. True, they still mostly feed upon plant material but they extend
their diets with other (live) snacks as and when they can.
So what's the product of ruminant digestion? Methane, of course! All that
grass fermenting away in a multi-chambered stomach, assisted by a rich soup
of beneficial bacteria, produces plenty of methane - and ruminants are
well-known for their belching and burping.
What if one of the upper stomach chambers has been modified so that when the
dragon burps up a fetid bubble of methane, the precious gas is directed into
that empty chamber? A series of sphincters, linked by reflexes so that they
open and close in sequence, allows the ingress of gas into the
elastic-walled chamber and promptly closes it tightly off when the burp
subsides. Simply by the normal daily process of eating and subsequent
digestion, our dragons are laying down internal stores of the flammable gas
methane.
Next, what if the back teeth are modified so that they become hard and
vitreous, a bit like flint? They would still be perfectly serviceable for
grinding grass, and would function as molars when the mouth fully evolves
into its omnivore configuration - so nothing unlikely there(!).
And there we are. When frightened or stressed the dragon undergoes a reflex
cough. This reflex forces air out of the lungs and, at the same time,
relaxes the methane chamber sphincter a little. The air and methane mix at
the top of the throat. The sudden increase in pressure at the back of its
mouth causes the dragon to gag violently, thus striking the vitreous teeth
at the back of the jaw against each other. The teeth spark, the air/methane
mixture ignites and... you got it - toasted knight served up in seconds!
Not everything goes the dragon's way, though. Having a flame thrower in your
mouth does pose a few problems - dealing with the heat, for example. Circus
performers and fire-eaters manage to have flames emanating from soft human
mouths so perhaps our dragons wouldn't need too many special systems to deal
with it.
Because the flames are expelled in a cough, they don't really last for
long - say, around a second. Then, much of the heat would be carried
outwards, away from the mouth by the blast. Nevertheless, the dragon's face
is covered by clumps of matted bristles (no, they're not really scales after
all). These clumps stand out from the skin so that the flames only really
heat up the very tips and, as bristles are of low thermal conductivity, the
temperature at the skin surface remains tolerable.
Even so, a busy day for a dragon might still heat up the inside of the mouth
beyond comfort. That's why the roof of the mouth consists of many
cartilage/bony ridges, the gaps between them being criss-crossed by many
blood vessels. The heat generated within the mouth is thus swiftly carried
away by the blood (remember that the fear which triggered the coughing
reflex will also increase the heart rate).
Now, here's the really interesting bit. Where does the blood take all that
heat and dump it? Well, the top of the dragon's back, served by a copious
supply of blood to service the normal walking muscles, would be a good site
to radiate away excess body heat. Over time, those areas would be larger to
improve efficiency until, eventually, large pendulous masses, each engorged
with rapidly-cooling blood, would develop on either side of the dragon's
back (there would have to be two, of course, to keep the animal balanced).
Normally, when the dragon is calm, these blood-radiators would hang down
limply on either side of the flanks (we don't want to cool the blood too
much, do we), but when there's a fight on and there's some serious heat to
get rid off, the increased blood-pressure pumps up these masses so that they
stick out sideways (thus increasing the horizontal surface area for
radiation). They would have to be thin so as not to be too heavy, but a
large surface area would help with the heat-dumping efficiency.
But now, things are looking bad for the dragon. Those ever-resourceful
knights have learned about the dragon's fire-breathing tricks and have come
prepared with... fire extinguishers!
The dragon knows that it is done for. This new shock triggers another
reflex: suddenly, in one mighty heave, the entire contents of the methane
chamber are forced downwards through the intestines. With a pounding heart
and soaring blood pressure, the dragon releases a huge methane fart,
augmented by whatever combustible material lay within the alimentary canal,
to be ignited at the anus by the striking together of two swollen, vitrified
haemorrhoids (ouch!).
The rear force propels the dragon forward and the horizontally extended
blood-cooling appendages suddenly provide the lift: yes, our dragon is
airborne and leaving certain death at the hands of the extinguisher-wielding
knights far below.
And there you have it, folks: a fire-breathing, flying, jet-propelled
dragon, complete with evolutionary pedigree and ecological niche. No need
for special diets, no need for powerful muscles to flap huge wings, and
nitrogenous waste is disposed of and incinerated in-flight. Perhaps a stream
of urine could be directed into the conflagration to act as a sort of
afterburner - or is that going too far?
Eventually, I see them evolving their own curry recipes and thus they'll be
able to travel at supersonic speeds for only a single portion of vindaloo.
Admit it, Bob, you really believe now!
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