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[rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc] Re: Stuff on my entertainment center

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Bill Livingston

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Jan 13, 2002, 4:44:25 AM1/13/02
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Subject: Re: Stuff on my entertainment center
From: "The Midnight Rambler" <bigro...@cox.net>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc

"Corvus Marinus" <corvus-...@charter.net> wrote in message
news:Xns9192A6BBD1EA4co...@130.133.1.4...
>Hwæt! We have heard of the glory of "Miss Lira" <melc...@mindspring.com>
>>>> And I was right. Beowulf does suck. At least it sucks if you're a
>>>> lit (or even a writing) major and have been subjected to it more
>>>> times than you wish to count. Yeah, I have a whale road right here
>>>> for you, Beowulf.
>>>> ::grabs crotch::
>>>
>>> ::falls over laughing::
>>
>> Ah. Let's hear it for the bone chamber, everyone.
>
>That movie was a total rip-off! Yeah, I sure wanted to pay to see Denzel
>Washington lie around pretending to be paralyzed while Angelina Jolie
>pretended to be a rookie cop. And the 'surprise' ending was so lame I
>could have--oh, wait, you said 'chamber,' not 'collector.' Never mind.
>
>[snip]
>> Did anyone ever stop to think that, hey, maybe this was the *worst*
>> the Anglo-Saxons had to offer? Maybe it's the equivalent of all of our
>> music being wiped out except a boyband song. Imagine recordings and the
>> sheet music of every great artist's music being wiped off of the face
>> of the earth except Nsync's latest pseudo-romantic dribble. And then
>> alien archeologists found it. So they take it back and they say, "Here
>> are these freaky Earthlings who had a somewhat low-tech culture going
>> for them. We can tell from these scraps of advertising and newspapers
>> that they liked to drink and fight a lot. When they were done with the
>> drinking and fighting, they'd settle in with their ladies and listen to
>> songs like this. Oh, and sometimes they'd huddle around their light
>> bulbs and read Beowulf to each other. Enthusiatic readers would do all
>> the voices."
>>
>> Kill me.
>
>It's even worse than you think. Beowulf is written in Anglo-Saxon, but
>the characters are Scandinavian and everything takes place in Scandinavia.
>Obviously, Beowulf was a legendary figure in Scandinavia that some Anglo-
>Saxon in England heard about and thought was really cool, so he decided to
>make up his own 'Beowulf' story. That's right - "Beowulf" is nothing less
>than the earliest surviving specimen of fanfic!

"Suddenly, Beowulf saw Mary Sue standing there, in the great hall Heorot,
shyly drinking mead. She looked just like me and was absolutely beautiful.
'Hwæt!,' said Beowulf, looking really cute. 'Who are you? I think I would
like to marry you.' 'Arrrr!' said Grendel, suddenly appearing in the great
hall and drinking blood from the guards' own veins. 'You can't have her! I
want to marry her!' 'Tee hee,' said Mary Jane, looking more beautiful every
minute."

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