Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss
software guidelines
9 views
Skip to first unread message
oonh
Apr 6, 2013, 5:45:29 AM4/6/13
to
Thank you for purchasing the x86-64 architecture /bin/xenix executable
from Microsoft Computer Corporation. This binary was marinated in
700% nitrogen triiodide at -270K for 18 months while people coated in
gnutella and maypole syrup muttered in Aymara at it before being
freeze-dried and encoded onto the distribution media. If you are
downloading /bin/xenix.CAB from one of our ftp servers, then you will
need the private key with hash 0xFEEDBAACDEADBEEF in order to verify
that /bin/xenix.CAB was not subject to a mitm by North Korean State
Cyberwarriors. /bin/xenix.CAB is distributed in a clean room, iso9001
compliant computer softwares distribution procedure that is cryptographically
secure using the latest in elliptic curve cryptography verification
procedures.
To ensure that the xenix binary is Bechdel-compliant with the Langlands
program, each thunk and trampoline is individually tested by cheesemongers
from Stilton, to ensure that the internal representations of the reductive
groups contain no discussions of relationships, and that the philosophy
of cusp forms as rendered in the source code (which is written in
Microsoft Computer Corporation Visual Intercal Version 12.0.1.00.3)
are free from semiotically suspect API calls). Then the /bin/xenix.src.ZAP
file is git clones from the internal Microsoft Computer Corporation
internal git repositories and then compiled on a massive cluster of
Setun computers before being enCABulated by the Rhapgarth Industries
Hyperencabulator and then distributed the the wistful and confused.
INVOCATION:
to invoke /bin/xenix on your disgusting open source software
Richard Stallman hippie computer, please put your credit card
number in the box. Beware: the box has sharp corners and unless
supervised by a compis mentis, mens rea type Gene Wilder Willy
Wonka type, you may be inclined to injure yourself, in which case,
find the nearest hospital which accepts Microsoft Computer
Corporation Human Biological Health Insurance plans. Beware: the copay
has now been increased to 20 liters of lymph, where you will be
attended to by humans who will fix your paperscuts.
switches:
/bin/xenix is a twue dom, and upon execution will give itself
root privelidges, increases the temperature of the cpu to 7*10^16K,
start torrenting Adriano Celentano performances, order divorce proceedings
between you, Kim Jong-Un, and Ed Miliband at the local municipal
probate court. All arguments to /bin/xenix must be in Unicode
Block 17000 Ultra-Eldritch Microsoft Capital Letters (to ensure
proper encoding, please press the caps lock key with a force equal or
greater to 5.6*10^34 giganewtons for each letter pressed)
/bin/xenix FORCE CAPITALIZES the running environment in the previous
Unicode Block, changing the locale settings as needed.
\BIN\XENIX --INSTALL-WINDOWS-8 does what you think it does.
\bin\XENIX --COMPILE-INTERCAL does what you think it does.
oonh
from Microsoft Computer Corporation. This binary was marinated in
700% nitrogen triiodide at -270K for 18 months while people coated in
gnutella and maypole syrup muttered in Aymara at it before being
freeze-dried and encoded onto the distribution media. If you are
downloading /bin/xenix.CAB from one of our ftp servers, then you will
need the private key with hash 0xFEEDBAACDEADBEEF in order to verify
that /bin/xenix.CAB was not subject to a mitm by North Korean State
Cyberwarriors. /bin/xenix.CAB is distributed in a clean room, iso9001
compliant computer softwares distribution procedure that is cryptographically
secure using the latest in elliptic curve cryptography verification
procedures.
To ensure that the xenix binary is Bechdel-compliant with the Langlands
program, each thunk and trampoline is individually tested by cheesemongers
from Stilton, to ensure that the internal representations of the reductive
groups contain no discussions of relationships, and that the philosophy
of cusp forms as rendered in the source code (which is written in
Microsoft Computer Corporation Visual Intercal Version 12.0.1.00.3)
are free from semiotically suspect API calls). Then the /bin/xenix.src.ZAP
file is git clones from the internal Microsoft Computer Corporation
internal git repositories and then compiled on a massive cluster of
Setun computers before being enCABulated by the Rhapgarth Industries
Hyperencabulator and then distributed the the wistful and confused.
INVOCATION:
to invoke /bin/xenix on your disgusting open source software
Richard Stallman hippie computer, please put your credit card
number in the box. Beware: the box has sharp corners and unless
supervised by a compis mentis, mens rea type Gene Wilder Willy
Wonka type, you may be inclined to injure yourself, in which case,
find the nearest hospital which accepts Microsoft Computer
Corporation Human Biological Health Insurance plans. Beware: the copay
has now been increased to 20 liters of lymph, where you will be
attended to by humans who will fix your paperscuts.
switches:
/bin/xenix is a twue dom, and upon execution will give itself
root privelidges, increases the temperature of the cpu to 7*10^16K,
start torrenting Adriano Celentano performances, order divorce proceedings
between you, Kim Jong-Un, and Ed Miliband at the local municipal
probate court. All arguments to /bin/xenix must be in Unicode
Block 17000 Ultra-Eldritch Microsoft Capital Letters (to ensure
proper encoding, please press the caps lock key with a force equal or
greater to 5.6*10^34 giganewtons for each letter pressed)
/bin/xenix FORCE CAPITALIZES the running environment in the previous
Unicode Block, changing the locale settings as needed.
\BIN\XENIX --INSTALL-WINDOWS-8 does what you think it does.
\bin\XENIX --COMPILE-INTERCAL does what you think it does.
oonh
0 new messages