For the easily amused: Or maybe not.
Tiny Human Ferret
Okay, that's it. I'm Not A Goth! Not not not! Really truly!
I'm even listening to a Creole Calypso Rap number from
http://www.africmusic.com/ ! Really! I actually _like it_! It's got some
very rotund ol' black guy in the Blues Brothers outfit, and he's singing in
Creole, surrounded by betties in hot pants singing something about "allo
allo allo, je suis tres content..." etc. For what it's worth, this is
mindlessly happy stuff, perhaps even more cheerful than Madonna's "La Isla
Bonita". Whee! "I Kwe Ikeya", I think the title is.
Now I'm being treated to "Monique Zeka, Queen of Afrozouk". Actually, it's
not bad, sort of like reggae in French but at about twice the speed. Except
it's not in French, not entirely, or maybe it's in a Creole variant that's
way closer to the African, so far that I can't get the slightest sense of
it.
Sorry. My pathetic weakness (I've got many) for African and Caribbean music
is clearly going to prevent me from being a Goth; this stuff is just too
cheerful. Found the cure for moping!
Okay, now for the Surreality Report for the month.
Due to a chain of events too bizarre to relate, I found myself in the
position of offering free system administration services to an obscure
poverty-outreach/ family-services/ crime-prevention coalition, which has
catapulted me into a world of weirdness so freakish as to leave me at a loss
for words, involving as it has a request from my State representative to
preside as an Election Judge (11 hours of checking names off lists at the
polls, making sure that people may vote early, but not often) and much
trimming of trees near streetlights, which by a mere fluke has resulted in
me getting my first earned income in over a year, as a gardener for my local
gas station. Furthermore, I have a patent pending, though this is not
directly related to providing desperately-needed succour to vine-infested
hedges and performing fractal surgery on neglected azalea bonsai. White
people wearing coolee hats instructed me on the intricacies of determining
whether to use the "brush" or "grass" bin while offloading an entire Jeep
full of generic shredded vegetative crap at the billion-dollar city dump.
This forced me to explain to nice beer-store lady that looking like a
lobster is what happens when you put white people to work in the August
sunshine wearing no more than a pair of tattered camo shorts and combat
boots due to the temperature being above 95F with humidity so high that we
had cloudless precipitation. As a result of severe mathematical illiteracy
and no comprehension whatsoever of the compaction factors of wet mulch, I
wound up doing a job for U$75 for which I could have underbid-by-twice the
illegal-alien competition if I'd charged U$125. How can I afford it? I'm
CRAZY, that's how! I don't mind if I lose my ass on the deal, or my mind in
the noonday August sun! Maybe it's rabies! It's so hot out there that I'm
paying U$1.50 for bottled saltwater and it makes me feel better! who cares!
It's all for a CAUSE!
"think globally, act locally".
"klaatu will do anything legal and within reason that doesn't involve paint
or noxious fumes or concrete! He'll mulch, he'll trim, he'll YANK POISON IVY
BY HAND and not get a blister! I will shave your cat for FREE! I'll shoo
snakes off of bike paths while providing a lecture on the important of
serpents in the local ecology and distinguishing between venomous and
non-venomous reptiles and arthropods! ANYTHING FOR A DOLLAR; if it makes a
buck, it's GOOD!"
In the meantime, people who are easily amused should test their betas by
running babelfish backwards for a dual-path retranslation on
http://babelfish.altavista.com/urltrurl?lp=en_de&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aspenhillnet.net%2FAHCA%2F
Particularly hilarious will be the twice-translated version of
http://babelfish.altavista.com/urltrurl?lp=en_de&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aspenhillnet.net%2FAHCA%2Ftake-pride.html
"Die Aspen Hügel-bürgerliche Verbindung wünscht Sie zu Nehmen-Stolz im
Aspen Hügel -- Aspen Hügel ist Ihre Gemeinschaft; lassen Sie uns ihn den
besten Platz leben lassen!" Jawohl, I think. Beware of West Nile Virus,
there are too many dead crows for the county to come and get them!
Furthermore, if you translate "Aspen Hügel" to espa~ol and back again, it
translates to "hill of 'they reel'; I'm not really sure if they're reeling
in fish or reeling from drinking; exactly this very ambiguity might tend to
explain all of the centralamericans asking me for directions to my
neighborhood, with a fishing rod in one hand and a bottle of cheap sangria
in the other.
By the way, however surreal, the above report is ALL TRUE. As a CEO, I so
certify.
</rant of the subgenius, picking the Fear of $DEITY out of my fscking nose,
and wondering why every Nigerian I've seen in the last week or so has been
grinning at me while the PWT glowing in sodium-arc orange spit twice over
their shoulder every time they glimpse me while glaring at the streetlights
which actually light the streets for the first time in years>
--
Be kind to your neighbors, even though they be transgenic chimerae.
Whom thou'st vex'd waxeth wroth: Meow. <-----> http://earthops.net/klaatu/
Morpheal
> Sorry. My pathetic weakness (I've got many) for African and Caribbean music is clearly going to prevent me from being a Goth; this stuff is just too cheerful. Found the cure for moping!
Well, that stuff, being so mindlessly cheerful, is decidedly unhealthy.
No catharsis whatsoever. Everything gets repressed. You know what that
means, don't you ? You will need years of intensive psychotherapy, and
expensive medication, to release all that repressed darkness, natural
violence, negative emotions, sorrow, hatred.... all the real stuff.
R.