Heat Humour - Texas style
-=JR=-
couldn't do anything about the blistering heat, they may as well joke
about it.
Humorists Cactus Pryor and Boyce House, folklorist J. Frank Dobie and
writers Alex Sweet, Wallace O. Chariton and others have kept alive the
humor of a hot, dry, unforgiving Texas.
No one knows any longer where most of the tall tales originated, but they
live on, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram noted.
The stories bear retelling in the current heat wave -- on Tuesday,
temperatures in north Texas reached triple digits for the 23rd consecutive
day.
During a particularly dry spell, legend has it, a sad Texan once prayed,
``I wish it would rain -- not so much for me, I've seen it -- but for my
7-year-old.''
Some responses to heat gleaned from Texas folklore:
-- It was so dry that the trees were whistlin' for the dogs.
-- It was so dry that the cows were giving evaporated milk.
A visitor to Texas once asked, ``Does it ever rain out here?''
``Yes, it does,'' a rancher replied. ``Do you remember that part in the
Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?''
``Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood,'' the visitor said.
``Well,'' the rancher said, ``we got two and a half inches during that
spell.''
Elmer Kelton wrote in ``The Time It Never Rained,'' a novel about the
1950s drought: ``During the long Texas drought of the 1950s a joke --
probably already as old as the state -- was told again and again about a
man who bet several of his friends that it never would rain again, and
collected from two of them.''
mslinda
>
> >Subject: Heat Humour - Texas style
> >From: jro...@ridgenet.net (-=JR=-)
>
> >FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) -- Texans long ago realized that since they
> >couldn't do anything about the blistering heat, they may as well joke
> >about it.
> >
> >Humorists Cactus Pryor and Boyce House, folklorist J. Frank Dobie and
> >writers Alex Sweet, Wallace O. Chariton and others have kept alive the
> >humor of a hot, dry, unforgiving Texas.
>
> it's so hot that i'm beginning to think HELL would be a nice place to live.
>
> frank
What's that joke about if you owned Hell and Texas, you'd live
in Hell and rent out Texas?
Linda C.
mslinda
>
> I get so tired of defending Texas to the rest of the country. We live in a
> beautiful state! Unfortunately, things like this latest heat wave makes people
> think that we live in a dry, desolate place! For example, look at the way Dallas is
> portrayed in the X-Files movie! I live in Dallas, and I can say with complete
> confidence that it is very hard to see a tumbleweed around here and even harder
> (impossible) to see desert mountains! What the Hell was the set designer thinking!!
> Anyway, all that to say, I love Texas! I just don't love this oppressive heat!!
>
We believe you! I'd love to visit Texas again! But not right
*now.*
Linda C. (who enjoyed her TX visit, but that was during April)
SS01675328
>From: jro...@ridgenet.net (-=JR=-)
>FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) -- Texans long ago realized that since they
>couldn't do anything about the blistering heat, they may as well joke
>about it.
>
>Humorists Cactus Pryor and Boyce House, folklorist J. Frank Dobie and
>writers Alex Sweet, Wallace O. Chariton and others have kept alive the
>humor of a hot, dry, unforgiving Texas.
>
>No one knows any longer where most of the tall tales originated, but they
>live on, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram noted.
>
>The stories bear retelling in the current heat wave -- on Tuesday,
>temperatures in north Texas reached triple digits for the 23rd consecutive
>day.
>
>During a particularly dry spell, legend has it, a sad Texan once prayed,
>``I wish it would rain -- not so much for me, I've seen it -- but for my
>7-year-old.''
>
>Some responses to heat gleaned from Texas folklore:
>
>-- It was so dry that the trees were whistlin' for the dogs.
>
>-- It was so dry that the cows were giving evaporated milk.
>
>A visitor to Texas once asked, ``Does it ever rain out here?''
>
>``Yes, it does,'' a rancher replied. ``Do you remember that part in the
>Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?''
>
>``Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood,'' the visitor said.
>
>``Well,'' the rancher said, ``we got two and a half inches during that
>spell.''
>
>Elmer Kelton wrote in ``The Time It Never Rained,'' a novel about the
>1950s drought: ``During the long Texas drought of the 1950s a joke --
>probably already as old as the state -- was told again and again about a
>man who bet several of his friends that it never would rain again, and
>collected from two of them.''
>
>
it's so hot that i'm beginning to think HELL would be a nice place to live.
frank
RoRoDanna
>couldn't do anything about the blistering heat, they may as well joke
>about it.
I'm not laughing much. I have an enormous electric bill, and the one next
month will be worse, all my plants have wilted (even though they sit in the
shade and are getting watered regularly) and all my flowers are dead. The damn
grasshoppers are eating up everything in sight, as well as flying into my hair
frequently (I really hate that, we have tons of them this year), and I am
considering buying one of those sheepskin covers for the steering wheel of my
car. There is nothing quite like getting into your car that has a temp of
about 130 degrees and burning your hands on the steering wheel. We cannot
realistically expect things to cool down until after Labor Day.
Roseanne Roseannadanna
AGC Visually Impaired Item Maintenance Technician
Alternatively, Keeper Intact of Blind Bits Listed Entirely Separately and Blind
Items Together for Searches (KIBBLES & BITS) AND Keeper of Daniel Day-Lewis!
SS01675328
>From: roro...@aol.com (RoRoDanna)
>>FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) -- Texans long ago realized that since they
>>couldn't do anything about the blistering heat, they may as well joke
>>about it.
>
>I'm not laughing much. I have an enormous electric bill, and the one next
>month will be worse, all my plants have wilted (even though they sit in the
>shade and are getting watered regularly) and all my flowers are dead. The
>damn
>grasshoppers are eating up everything in sight, as well as flying into my
>hair
>frequently (I really hate that, we have tons of them this year), and I am
>considering buying one of those sheepskin covers for the steering wheel of my
>car. There is nothing quite like getting into your car that has a temp of
>about 130 degrees and burning your hands on the steering wheel. We cannot
>realistically expect things to cool down until after Labor Day.
>
>
>Roseanne Roseannadanna
oh please screw the flowers and the lawn and everything else . WE have to just
survive. I come home from work and jump into the pool , the water is usually
103 so it doesn't really feel all that great but it's something. I haven't been
anywhere where I can't stay in the car with the A/C full blast ...if I can help
it anyway. It definitely much hotter where you are at though, houston is not as
hot as where you are and for a while there we were having clouds threatening to
dump rain on us , never did though but the clouds were great. it turned the
days into a comfortable 95 or 99 degrees. Well comfortable considering it's
been in the 103 range lately. One thing we don't have here are bugs, no
grasshoppers, flies, mosquitoes, junebugs, moths I think they all died, even
the squirrels don't want to come out and strip my pecan tree. The dress code
lately has been shorts, t- shirt and a small towel ycan dry yourself off with.
don't talk to me about electric bills......how is 700.00 for you thats one
month. Dairy Queen has also been paid some visits lately. I think I have sent
the owners kids to college. To all those people out there who think texas is
just heat, cowboys and horses....perhaps you should visit us texas is diverse
in it's culture, terrain, peoples and climate . it's vast, beautiful, friendly,
and all encompassing, there are beaches, oceans lakes, rivers, praries, hills,
mountains and even valleys. oh man here I go again sorry lol
frank....it's hot
SS01675328
>From: mslinda
>> >FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) -- Texans long ago realized that since they
>> >couldn't do anything about the blistering heat, they may as well joke
>> >about it.
>> >
>> >Humorists Cactus Pryor and Boyce House, folklorist J. Frank Dobie and
>> >writers Alex Sweet, Wallace O. Chariton and others have kept alive the
>> >humor of a hot, dry, unforgiving Texas.
>> >(snip)
>>
>> it's so hot that i'm beginning to think HELL would be a nice place to live.
>>
>> frank
>
>What's that joke about if you owned Hell and Texas, you'd live
>in Hell and rent out Texas?
>
>Linda C.
sorry but I love Texas ....I would rent out HELL most people are going there
anyway so I might as well make some money.
frank
RoRoDanna
Ummm, replacing the flowers, lawn and plants is pretty expensive.
It definitely much hotter where you are at though, houston is not
>as
>hot as where you are and for a while there we were having clouds threatening
>to
>dump rain on us , never did though but the clouds were great.
Sigh, clouds, rain, what a concept. Tell me all about it. It's been a long
time.
it turned the
>days into a comfortable 95 or 99 degrees. Well comfortable considering it's
>been in the 103 range lately.
95 or 99? Shit, that's like winter!
One thing we don't have here are bugs, no
>grasshoppers, flies, mosquitoes, junebugs, moths I think they all died, even
>the squirrels don't want to come out and strip my pecan tree.
We have no mosquitoes. It's too dry. No water for them. There prefer swampy
climates. No junebugs either. Very few squirrels, and my backyard is the
squirrel capital of the town. (Much to my husband's dismay. I love them
though). Grasshoppers, crickets, flies and bugs I have never seen before are
rampant.
The dress code
>lately has been shorts, t- shirt and a small towel ycan dry yourself off
>with.
We are tough here. Still wearing jeans and boots.
>don't talk to me about electric bills......how is 700.00 for you thats one
>month.
Where the hell do you live? Taj Mahal?
Dairy Queen has also been paid some visits lately. I think I have
>sent
>the owners kids to college.
DQ is a wonderful place. A true staple of Texas summers.
To all those people out there who think texas is
>just heat, cowboys and horses....perhaps you should visit us texas is diverse
>in it's culture, terrain, peoples and climate . it's vast, beautiful,
>friendly,
>and all encompassing, there are beaches, oceans lakes, rivers, praries,
>hills,
>mountains and even valleys. oh man here I go again sorry lol
>
Yeah, and it would take you two months to see it all. Just crossing the state
border can take all day and most of the night.
>frank....it's hot
>
Damn hot.
SS01675328
>We are tough here. Still wearing jeans and boots.
jeans and boots ? tough or crazy?I guess you have to keep the grasshoppers from
gnawing at your legs.>>don't talk to me about electric bills......how is 700.00
for you thats one
>>month.
>
>Where the hell do you live? Taj Mahal?
I like it cold baby :0) my thermostat is set at a comfortable 67 degrees. if I
have to died from overwork to pay the a/c bill well bury me with a RUDD a/c
unit.
> To all those people out there who think texas is
>>just heat, cowboys and horses....perhaps you should visit us texas is
>diverse
>>in it's culture, terrain, peoples and climate . it's vast, beautiful,
>>friendly,
>>and all encompassing, there are beaches, oceans lakes, rivers, praries,
>>hills,
>>mountains and even valleys. oh man here I go again sorry lol
>>
>
>Yeah, and it would take you two months to see it all. Just crossing the
>state
>border can take all day and most of the night
.
it takes 15 hours driving time at 75 mph with no stops except gas just
outsideof waco and of el paso from the texas / louisiana border on I- 10to new
mexico with no cops and a strong tailwind and 17 hours from the brownsville /
mexico border to the Texas / oklahoma border just a little past dallas. with
almost no dairy queens along the way....damn
That is one of my goals is to see all of texas.....I have a long way to
go.....I hear you have a herd of buffalo in oklahoma closer to you
anyway.>frank....it's hot
>>
>Damn hot.
>
>
>Roseanne Roseannadanna
hotter than a well diggers ass in dallas
frank
Debbye
beautiful state! Unfortunately, things like this latest heat wave makes people
think that we live in a dry, desolate place! For example, look at the way Dallas is
portrayed in the X-Files movie! I live in Dallas, and I can say with complete
confidence that it is very hard to see a tumbleweed around here and even harder
(impossible) to see desert mountains! What the Hell was the set designer thinking!!
Anyway, all that to say, I love Texas! I just don't love this oppressive heat!!
> To all those people out there who think texas is
> just heat, cowboys and horses....perhaps you should visit us texas is diverse
> in it's culture, terrain, peoples and climate . it's vast, beautiful, friendly,
> and all encompassing, there are beaches, oceans lakes, rivers, praries, hills,
> mountains and even valleys. oh man here I go again sorry lol
>
> frank....it's hot
CharlieKilo
5 degrees higher than normal. Sure, it's a little dry but I for one like
that.
I haven't heard anyone from the desert Southwest complaining about 118
degrees.
CharlieKilo
Deep in the heart of Texas, Austin
quondam
>
> >month.
>
> Where the hell do you live? Taj Mahal?
>
In California, there is at least one service that will come to your
home during a drought and spray the brown grass on your lawn with
green paint.
Wull
I think all Texans love it here or they would leave.
Let us have a little fun. If every one in the country
wanted to immigrate, we couldn't handle it. A few little
white lies never hurt anyone.
Wull
BTW, was this topic started by a furnier? We do not spell
humor like that in Texas.
Attbeck Publishing
CharlieKilo (c...@flash.net) wrote:
: OK, you (us) Texans quit your gripin'. At worst, the temperature is only
: 5 degrees higher than normal. Sure, it's a little dry but I for one like
: that.
: I haven't heard anyone from the desert Southwest complaining about 118
: degrees.
As a fellow Austinite, I should add that Barton Springs--68 degrees
year-'round--is flowing quite nicely. We've got a nice oasis here, even
though the entire state of California is moving in. I'll stop with the
"Proud Texan" stuff and go back to lurking.
: CharlieKilo
: Deep in the heart of Texas, Austin
-Kenny
-=JR=-
>In California, there is at least one service that will come to your
>home during a drought and spray the brown grass on your lawn with
>green paint.
Grass?
-=JR=-
Next door to Death Valley where it was officially 117 at 11AM
SS01675328
>RoRoDanna wrote:
>> Ummm, replacing the flowers, lawn and plants is pretty expensive.
>In California, there is at least one service that will come to your
>home during a drought and spray the brown grass on your lawn with
>green paint.
well thats california for you...fake
frank
SS01675328
>OK, you (us) Texans quit your gripin'. At worst, the temperature is only
>5 degrees higher than normal. Sure, it's a little dry but I for one like
>that.
>
>I haven't heard anyone from the desert Southwest complaining about 118
>degrees.
>
>CharlieKilo
>Deep in the heart of Texas, Austin
sorry charlie....... but the difference between Texas and the southwest where
it is 117 or 120 in palm springS is that Texas not only has heat but high
humidity, you may not feel it as badly up in AUstin as you may elsewhere
because of all the hill country. BTW who was complaining? we were just stating
facts and the situation. I wouldn't live anywhere else but texas.... all the
crops in the valley are destroyed or a high percentage of them have been . They
have also been on water rationing since 2 months ago. Some cities have large
water tapping abilities such as Austin but most don't. AS anyone from
california can testify water there goes for a high premium. The temp can be 1
degree above normal but people are still dying . I have to say that Texas is
The best state hands down, and if US Texans want to complain it should be our
right, we wouldn't be living here if we didn't want to be
nuff said
frank
Goldrivet
thought I'd be inured to this kind of weather. I was wrong!
But the humidity in NY last week was worse than we ever get here in San
Antonio, so I won't complain!
Was out on the deck at 7 this morning--80 degrees and breezy--wish it could
have stayed like that all day though!
Butch
J&T Egan
> As a fellow Austinite, I should add that Barton Springs--68 degrees
> year-'round--is flowing quite nicely. We've got a nice oasis here, even
> though the entire state of California is moving in. I'll stop with the
> "Proud Texan" stuff and go back to lurking.
>
> : Deep in the heart of Texas, Austin
>
barton springs is one of my favorite places in the world.its
absolutely gorgeous and COOL....just don't disturb the salamanders. :-)
tae
J&T Egan
>
> OK, you (us) Texans quit your gripin'. At worst, the temperature is only
> 5 degrees higher than normal. Sure, it's a little dry but I for one like
> that.
>
> I haven't heard anyone from the desert Southwest complaining about 118
> degrees.
>
> Deep in the heart of Texas, Austin
hey charliekilo,
i'd be glad to complain about the desert southwest heat. :-) ....lets
just say, the stick lizards are out in abundance!
its our monsoon season here in so. az. therefore besides near 110
degree heat, its humid....not the dry heat everyone laughs about. feels
like a sauna outside.
i'm from TEXAS, and have a buddy in austin who reports the weather
to us.i know yall are hot and miserable there, i feel for you guys.hang
in there, it can't last forever.
tae
StThork
>> degrees.
Well, if they were still alive you might hear a complaint or two... : )
Got a burning sensation? Ask your doctor.
Got a burning question? Ask Uncle Robbie.
http://flbtech.com/UncleRobbie
Debbye
living in Texas when we decide to have children, I intend to plan the pregnancy
around the summer! (I know, famous last words....)
JazzBaby26 wrote:
> Just for fun, I'll make you all feel better...
>
> Yeah it's hot in TX right now (I'm in Abilene) but at least Y'ALL aren't NINE
> MONTHS PREGNANT!! Meaning, the temp can be 104 outside and my body thermometer
> feels it like its 140!!
> Over soon though!! :)
>
> Jazzy
JazzBaby26
Wull
I am blowing you a cyber whiff of fresh gulf air
whiffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Whatever you do please don't name him Niño or her Niña, we
have heard enough of them, Jesus would be better, LOL
(psst that's hey soos yu'all)
Wull
RoRoDanna
We are setting a record for high *lows.* Our low temperature has not been
below 80 in almost a month. It ususally wavers anywhere from 80 to 85, all
night long. My community is not on water rationing, but most of the
communities around here are on strict mandatory water rationing. Jazzy, I hope
you have that baby soon. I can't imagine being 9 months pregnant in this awful
heat. Good luck.
Debbye writes:
>OK, you win!! I feel for you. I've already told my husband that, if we are
>still
>living in Texas when we decide to have children, I intend to plan the
>pregnancy
>around the summer! (I know, famous last words....)
>
>JazzBaby26 wrote:
>
>> Just for fun, I'll make you all feel better...
>>
>> Yeah it's hot in TX right now (I'm in Abilene) but at least Y'ALL aren't
>NINE
>> MONTHS PREGNANT!! Meaning, the temp can be 104 outside and my body
>thermometer
>> feels it like its 140!!
>> Over soon though!! :)
>>
>> Jazzy
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Roseanne Roseannadanna
AGC Visually Impaired Item Maintenance Technician
See the Blind Item Website at: http://members.tripod.com/~Rogow/RoRo.htm
Keeper of Daniel Day-Lewis! BAGC
CharlieKilo
>
> It's too hot we're giving commercials to Mexicans not to cross the border. :P
> And that's pure fact.
> Skyz
Actually its the Mexican government doing the commercials.
CK
amr...@my-dejanews.com
jazzb...@aol.com (JazzBaby26) wrote:
> Just for fun, I'll make you all feel better...
>
> Yeah it's hot in TX right now (I'm in Abilene) but at least Y'ALL aren't NINE
> MONTHS PREGNANT!! Meaning, the temp can be 104 outside and my body thermometer
> feels it like its 140!!
> Over soon though!! :)
>
Congratulations, Jazzy! You're right, I'm just FOUR months pregnant! &
still playing beach v-ball when there isn't a heat advisory... -- Meg
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
Skyz7075
amr...@my-dejanews.com
c...@flash.net wrote:
>
JazzBaby26
&
>still playing beach v-ball when there isn't a heat advisory... -- >Meg
Aw..... Ya lucky dawg!! Just checking the mailbox puts me thru the ringer!!
Congrats and rest easy knowing that you will be MUCH more comfortable through
your later months! Might want to do your Christmas shhopping early though so
you don't have to fight the heathen crowds!!
Jazzy
SS01675328
>Just for fun, I'll make you all feel better...
>
>Yeah it's hot in TX right now (I'm in Abilene) but at least Y'ALL aren't
>NINE
>MONTHS PREGNANT!! Meaning, the temp can be 104 outside and my body
>thermometer
>feels it like its 140!!
>Over soon though!! :)
>
>Jazzy
so what do you call that ? the jazzy PG index? lol
frank