What's in this week's tabloids 12/08
PUSSS...@aol.com
After the scandalous, shocking splits for Kate, Reese, Britney and Pam
(who says blonds have more fun?), Hollywood seems to be catching its
breath this week. We have a variety of cover subjects including
Angelina, the possible drug use among Hollywood's starlets (possible?
really?) and, of course, the continuing coverage of Britney's downward
spiral.
Here's what the mags are saying this week ...
# It's funny how we all thought Britney couldn't sink any lower than
K-Fed. Then she found Paris, and we realized we were wrong.
# Us Weekly says that Brit's parents have staged an intervention to
stop her from drinking too much and generally behaving stupidly. I'm
hoping they used the argument, "Do as we say and not as we do."
# J.Lo wants to renew her vows with Marc Anthony and celebrate with an
elaborate party. I think she's just going through wedding withdrawal,
since she's accustomed to having one every year or so.
# I'm sorry, but if you can get 21% of the vote against Petra Nemcova
in a "Who Wore It Best" contest, it's a win in my book.
# Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson have split. Apparently, the second
season of their romance was about as successful as the second season of
"The O.C."
# Eva LongBORia and Tony Parker got engaged. Yawn. I'm already sick of
this wedding. And their upcoming pregnancy, divorce and custody battle.
# In Touch says that Brad and Angelina are getting ready to settle down
in L.A., so Maddox can finally go to school. He'll be a sophomore.
# Who still wears fur? It's so last Stone Age.
# Star reports that Sandra Bullock is pregnant at the age of 42. The
"age of 42" part is definitely true; the rest of the story remains
unconfirmed.
# Pete Doherty was fined and his driver's license was suspended after
his umpteenth arrest for drug possession. Does anyone else feel like
the justice system is failing with this guy?
# Lindsay Lohan's rep confirms that the star is attending AA meetings,
but that she hasn't completely stopped drinking. After her last
meeting, Linds attended the GQ Awards and rewarded herself with a glass
of Champagne and a feud with Jessica Biel.
# Keith Urban is out of rehab and back to being boring.
# Gwyneth is getting heat for reportedly saying (in Spanish) that
British people are smarter than Americans. She denies it and claims
that what she really said was "lost in translation." She meant to say
that British people are more intelligent than Americans.
# Danny DeVito appeared wasted on "The View." Literally. He appeared on
the show and he was wasted. It's "The View" ... who could blame him?
# George Clooney later explained on the "Today" show that he and Danny
were out together the night before doing shots of Limoncello and that
it was a "brutal night." I don't know, getting wasted with George
Clooney doesn't sound brutal to me at all.
# Mel Gibson commented on the Kramer incident saying, "I feel really
bad for the guy. He was obviously in a state of stress. You don't need
to be inebriated to be bent out of shape. But my heart went out to the
guy." Oh, I bet it did, Mel. "Bent out of shape"? Is that what we're
calling "hurling racial slurs" these days?
# Has anyone noticed that Suri's hair looks suspiciously like Tom's?
Like maybe they said, "This baby doesn't look anything like him ... get
her a toupee!" I'm just saying it's possible.
# Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice have broken up. Now he's claiming that
the baby she is carrying may not be his. Yeah, because his six kids
show how careful he is about birth control.
# Hilary Duff's ex (of like a minute) has already moved on with Nicole
Richie. He fits her type of quiet, dark and rockish and she fits his of
... really, really skinny.
# Someone tell Dakota Fanning that she is old enough for a stylist.
# Why is Cate Blanchett playing Bob Dylan in the biopic "I'm Not
There"? I'm not getting it. Is this high art?
# Next week we will have full coverage of the Jennifer Aniston/Vince
Vaughn breakup. I'm sure it will go something like this: "Jennifer
Aniston and Vince Vaughn's reps confirm that the couple has ended their
relationship but continue to care about each other and remain close
friends. And Jen is totally FINE."
Our heartfelt condolences go out to George Clooney on the loss of his
dearly departed pig, Max - the only living thing to which he has been
able to fully commit. We're sorry for your loss, George.
Words I taught my spell check include: Limoncello.
Signing off with a quote:
"I'm not going to be somebody who wants to hold on to my fame for the
rest of my life." - Shania Twain
Good thing. Um ... what was your name again?
Agent Smith
@j44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
> # Who still wears fur? It's so last Stone Age.
Why, cro-magnon women, of course.
> # Gwyneth is getting heat for reportedly saying (in Spanish) that
> British people are smarter than Americans. She denies it and claims
> that what she really said was "lost in translation." She meant to say
> that British people are more intelligent than Americans.
I'd like to see Dim Gwynnie make a fool of herself on an episode of
"Jaywalking." I think what she really means is "British people are smarter
than me."