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      NEW YORK CITY (Rueters) --
A traffic jam of Biblical proportions
is expected in the Big Apple at
5:34 p.m. Friday when New Yorkers
pause to give thanks to Almighty
God who used His influence to
help the Giants win the Super Bowl.
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      "It's our way of apologizing for
failing to give Him His just due
right after the game," said Mayor
Michael Bloomberg.
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      Eli Manning, the game's  MVP
(although the honor should have
gone to You-Know-Who), said he,
his teammates and Giants fans
everywhere were  too shocked
and dumbfounded to give the
Supreme Bean His due when
it was due.
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     God performed two miracles with
time running out to help the Giants
win the Super Bowl.
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     Miraculously, both came on the
very same play: the touchdown the
Giants didn't really want (although
they were LOSING); and the TD
that the Giants allowed (even
though they  were WINNING at
the time).
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     (PS: Hey, Vatican, you'll have to go
pretty far to top that one.)
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     In any event, all traffic will come
to an abrupt  stop at 5:34 p.m. Friday
and nobody will move -- not even
pedestrians or guys pushing hot
dog carts -- for a full five minutes.
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      All car radios suddernly will be
miraculously be turned on to hear
a Christian Broadcasting Station
playing the sweet music of "Nearer
y God to Thee."
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     Rough-looking teens, who used
to wash your windshield at
traffic lights, will roam the lines
of stalled traffic and accept
donations (at gunpoint).
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    Meanwhile, there is an ugly,
unsubstatiated rumor afloat
that New Yorkers may NOT
be doing this to pay tribute
to God for helping the Giants
win the Super Bowl.
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    Instead, some say, it will be
done out of fear that The Man
Above will keep His promise
that, because of their original
ingratitude, He won't allow
ither the Giants or The Damn
Yankees make it to the Super
Bowl or World Series until 2029.
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WHAT FRIDAY'S TRAFFIC JAM WILL LOOK LIKE
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http://www.ridelust.com/wp-content/uploads/traffic-jam.jpg
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Father Guido Sarducci, who will head NYC's
traffc control on Friday, advises motorists how
far they should stay behind the vehicle ahead.
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http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
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GOD A GREAT GUY BUT DON'T PISS HIM OFF
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http://www.edconrad.org
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YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS
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http://www.edconrad.com
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