The Scrub Dictionary [humor]
A.W.Jackson
Recent research at arcades has produced invaluable insights into the behaviour
and culture of the species of wildlife commonly known as "scrubs". Remark-
ably, scrub society has many similarities to tribal cultures of preindustrial
humans. Scrubs gather in small tribes with a definite leader, generally the
scrub with the most quarters. The greatest mystery in the field of scrub
studies is their method of reproduction. The vast majority of scrubs are be-
tween the ages of ten and fourteen years, with a small percentage of older
individuals (these generally larger specimens are responsible for discipline
within the tribe, and specifically for the ritual of Ass Kicking (q.v.)).
The mystery is compounded by the fact that virtually all scrubs are male,
and even the oldest members of a tribe do not appear to be sexually mature.
One radical theory states that scrubs undergo a metamorphosis during puberty,
becoming normal humans, but this theory is not widely accepted. Studies of
scrub behaviour are hampered by the fact that scrubs can only be observed in
video arcades. While these would seem to be their primary habitat, they must
spend some portion of their life cycle elsewhere, since most arcades have a
closing time, and neither food nor sexual activity are generally permitted in
them. The only aspect of scrub behaviour which can be observed directly is
their behaviour around Street Fighter Alpha 2 machines (Some scrub tribes pre-
fer to frequent Mortal Kombat machines, but it is near-universally agreed that
these are a degenerate strain headed for rapid extinction).
The greatest breakthrough in scrub research to date has been the deciphering
of their language. Most dialects of the language resemble standard American
English of the sort spoken in the particular tribe's area (a fact which lends
some credibility to the theory that scrubs are at least partly human) but
many words have a different meaning to the same word in English. The state of
research in this field is constantly advancing, so the following lexicon can
hardly be considered complete or comprehensive. Included are examples of the
use of these terms heard by researchers at various arcades.
THE SCRUB DICTIONARY
AKUMA (np): See GOOD (1).
CHEAP (adj): (1) Any move or tactic usable by a character other than Ryu, Ken
or Akuma which can consistently defeat the scrub's Ryu, Ken or
Akuma.
(Stop using that jumping super move with Birdie! You're so cheap!)
CHEAP (adj): (2) Any character other than Ryu, Ken or Akuma is considered
either "cheap" or "shitty". The definition of these terms varies
between tribes and between arcades. In general, a character is
considered "cheap" if the leader of the tribe regularly loses to
players using that character. Otherwise, the character is consi-
dered to be "shitty". For example, at an arcade with few or no
Guy players, Guy would be considered shitty, but if the arcade
were frequented by a Guy player who could beat the leader of the
local scrub tribe using Guy, Guy would be considered cheap.
(You better not pick a cheap guy like Adon or I'll kick your ass!)
CHEAP (adj): (3) Jumping over, hitting or otherwise avoiding Akuma's "Death
Move" (q.v.)
(I finally got that move to work and you knocked me out of it!
You're cheap!)
CHEAP (adj): (4) Any throw, including Birdie's Murderer Chain, Sodom's Power-
bomb, Zangief's SPD and Rose's Soul Throw.
[Editor's Note: In certain regions, the word "cheap" is invariably preceded by
the adjective "fucking". This seems to be a dialect variation with no seman-
tic significance whatsoever.]
CHEAP (vt): To use any of the tactics described by the three adjectival mean-
ings of the word "cheap".
(Stop cheaping me or I'll kick your ass.)
COMBO (n): Technique performed by pressing 3 buttons and subsequently pres-
sing FIERCE as fast as humanly possible until the screen flashes
bright blue or the opponent's character is more than half the
screen away.
(Wow! Did you see that guy's 12 hit combo?)
DEATH MOVE: The SC performed by Akuma or "Evil Ryu" with JAB, JAB, --O, SHORT,
FIERCE. According to generally accepted scrub doctrine, it is
this move which makes Akuma and "Evil Ryu" the most powerful of
all the good (q.v.) characters.
(Why are you using normal Ryu? He doesn't even have a Death Move!)
GOOD (adj): (1) Referring to a character, either Ryu, Ken or Akuma.
(You're using Rose?!?! Why aren't you using someone good?)
GOOD (adj): (2) Referring to a player, either someone who knows all the secret
character codes in SFA, or who has defeated the leader of the
tribe with a shitty (q.v.) character. In the former case, the
term is one of respect; in the latter case, the character used
by the "good" player will soon be reclassified from shitty to
cheap (q.v.).
(Ed's good at Alpha! He knows how to get Akuma and Bison!)
(Don't fight that guy, he's good! He beat Ed's Akuma 4 times in
a row with Guy!)
KEN (np): See GOOD (1).
KEN, EVIL: Dark green-coloured Ken obtained by pressing 2 kick buttons.
(The green Ken is Evil Ken and he can do Akuma's death move, but
no one here knows how to do it except one guy who only comes in
once a month!)
[Editor's Note: The editor actually heard this, or something very close to it,
from a young scrub in an arcade. It would appear that the belief in "Evil
Ken" is some sort of fairy-tale taught to juvenile scrubs which most outgrow
as they grow older, similar to the belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy
in our culture.]
KEN, SUPER: White-coloured Ken obtained by pressing 2 punch buttons in SFA2.
(The white Ken is Super Ken! He's faster and his uppercut takes
off more!)
[Editor's Note: See note under "Ken, Evil".]
KICK (n): (1) General term for a technique involving one of the lower three
buttons.
KICK (vt): (2) To kick (person)'s ass: Typical form of punishment for a
scrub accused of being "cheap" (q.v.). The exact nature of this
punishment is unknown; typically, the recipient is removed from
the arcade by the largest members of the tribe, and reappears
somewhat later, sometimes with bruises or other symptoms of corp-
oral punishment. Scrubs have been known to threaten to inflict
this punishment on other inhabitants of arcades, but as far as is
known, no such threat has ever been carried out.
RYU (np): See GOOD (1).
RYU, EVIL: See GOOD (1).
SHITTY (adj):See CHEAP (2).
CREDITS:
Chief researcher: A. W. Jackson
Editor-in-chief: A. W. Jackson
Special Thanks To: Capcom, for producing SFA2, an invaluable device for luring
large groups of scrubs to public areas where their fascin-
ating culture and language can be studied in detail.
G0uk1
That was quite entertaining!
Shaun P. McIsaac
You missed:
SUCKS: (see also shitty) describes any non-aku/ken/ryu, non-victorious
player.
"That guy got wasted by the deathmove! He must suck!"
:)
LacsinaTec
That's prolly the best post to this group we've had in a LONG while. =)
angel millan
I have to acknowledge the pure genius of Mr. Jackson's extremely well
written post.(Even though most of memebers in this newsgroup probably
feel that this dictionary was mainly based on the research of
individuals such as myself). It has to be one of the funniest things
that I have ever read. Good work my man, I can't wait for the follow up
piece, "Scrub Dictionary 2nd edition".
************************************
* * ================================
* My Capcom contingent * NYC IS THE PLACE TO BE
* *
* *
* Ehonda(ST) Sentinal * Yankees(1996 WS champs)
* Blanka(ST) Shuma Gorath* Knicks
* Guy (Alpha) Iron Man * Rangers
* Sodom (Alpha 1 & 2) Hulk * Islanders
* Zangief Gambit * Jets (Go ahead and laugh but
* Rose (Alpha 1 & 2) Sabertooth * they will be good.......
* Sakura Alex * some day :)
************************************ =================================
" Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost
M. Zaiem Beg
<riotously hilarious text deleted>
Oh, my...I cannot stop laughing. This is the funniest thing I think I've
ever read on the net. My stomach hurts....
Good golly that was hysterical.
-M. Zaiem Beg
zb...@holly.colostate.edu
A.W.Jackson
>You missed:
>:)
When scrubs see non-R/K/A players lose, they direct far more
of this sort of abuse at the character than the player.
"See, you lost with Rolento 'cause he sucks. Use someone good
next time!"
BTW, would you believe that every one of the examples of Scrubese
in the Dictionary are *real*? I actually got called cheap for
sweeping an Akuma player out of the "death move"! I also got
told off for picking Rose by someone I had beaten 3 times in a
row on my last game before losing to the CPU ("You're picking
another shitty person? No wonder you always lose!")
--A.W.Jackson--
Image
> The Scrub Dictionary [humor]
I'm glad you said that last part... I was kinda confused.
'iM
Matt Taylor
(In too much pain to laugh coherently)
Hey, can I, uh, have permission to reprint that someday somewhere,
such as in future Street Fighter book?
-Matt Taylor
Matt Taylor
Matt Taylor
Chris W.
Oh! That was fabulous! I would love to have a vintage-looking,
leatherbound version of this!
Chris W.
Mr. Charlie F. Grey
That was a laugh riot!
How about this one:
THE BOOK: 100-150 pages, costs $10-15, almost always has two or
three errors. Common producers:"BG" and "PP"
"Wow! I got THE BOOK! I'm cool!" ICEOUT MKT<ICE>
"SF is hard rock, KI2 is disco."