[PW!] Trent vs. Jubu Fuu
Jose L. Solano
Trent sat in a bar somewhere in Goldenrod, drinking... something or other.
He had told the bartender to surprise him. The regulars told him that was a bad
idea, and they seemed surprised when he didn't immediately fall over, gagging.
If only he had bet money...
"SHREW!" Trent could hear Ashura yelling from outside. Being a Sandshrew, he
was considered a minor, and had to stay outside. Trent chuckled.
-RING RING-
"Huh?" A cell phone was ringing. Trent glanced around. Nobody was answering
anything. The bartender pointed to a cell phone in the barstool next to his.
"Are you gonna answer it?"
"Not mine."
"Not mine either."
"One of us is going to have to answer it." They stared at each other for
several seconds. The bartender reached for the phone, but Trent smacked his
hand away and took it. The bartender punched Trent in the face and took the
phone, but then Trent punched him in the chest and the phone fell back onto the
barstool. One of the other patrons picked it up and answered it.
"Yello? Hmm? Yeah." He handed the phone to Trent. "It's for you?"
"Yeah?"
"Hello, Trent? Hey, so you're still alive!"
"...Yeah."
"Listen, you probably don't remember me, but my name is Sanders. You did a
small job for me a few years ago."
"Okay."
"Listen, I'm not in the fast food business anymore. I'm a career bail
bondsman now..."
"I don't like the sound of this."
"No, listen, this guy I'm supposed to be holding got away. If he doesn't
show up in court, I lose six thousand."
"Six thousand what?"
"So anyway, I'll give you half of that if you can bring him in."
"Half of six thousand WHAT?!"
"Okay, okay, I'll throw in a bonus, alright?"
"Look, I-"
"Really? Thanks! The guy's name is Jubu Fuu, and he has an obsession with
Machop and its evolutions. Gotta go, good luck bringing him in!"
"Dammit."
Pokewars!: Trent Retwin
"Trent vs. Jubu Fuu"
Jose L. Solano
Trent looked through the Goldenrod Yellow Pages looking for this Jubu Fuu
character. The closest match he found was Fuu, JJ Bubba. He decided he'd call,
in case anything turned up.
"Hello, Mr. Fuu?"
"Mrs. Fuu."
"I see... listen, there's been a bit of an accident, and I'm afraid Jubu's
in a lot of trouble."
"Jubu? Jubu's dead to me!" Mrs. Fuu hung up, and Trent decided he'd never a
better strategy.
"Shrew..."
"Not now, Ashura. I've got some thinking to do." Suddenly, and for no
reason, someone walked by, whistiling the ubiquitous "If I Only Had..." song
from The Wizard of Oz. Trent decided he had found himself with enough strange
occurances for the day and ignored him. Ashura was carrying around some piece
of paper.
"What's that?"
"Shrew. Sandshrew."
"Fighting tournament, huh? No time for that. We've got a target to find."
"SHREW."
"Hey, settle down. I promise I'll take you when we're done with this."
"SHREW! SANDSHREW!"
"Look, I know you really want to go, but that's a really lame excuse. If
this Jubu Fuu guy's in hiding, why would he show up at a fighting tournament?"
Then it dawned on him. Ashura sighed.
A few hours later, Trent and Ashura, wearing clever disguises, sat in
ringside seats. The ring itself was underground, literally. It was poorly and
hastily made in the basement of some bar on the other side of Goldenrod Trent
had a pair of thick glasses and a straw hat, while Ashura wore a propellor
beanie. The announcer stepped into the ring.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the third annual Pokémon Underground
Fighting Tournament! Tonight, we begin our contests with an excellent first
match between two of the toughest fighters in the PUFT! Having made it to the
semifinals laster our, our first contestant has trained hard for the past year
to start the journey anew, ladies and gentlemen, John Smith and his fighting
Spearow!"
A few random cheers.
"And in the opposing corner, a newcomer to the tournament! A foreigner all
the way from Russia, let's give a warm welcome to Vlad Stalin and his fighting
Machop!"
"Spearow vs. Machop?" Trent thought aloud. The match started without further
delay from the announcer. Spearow showed that he wasn't afraid of his enemy by
fluttering around the ring, squawking, kicking madly in an attempt to
intimidate him. The Machop remained calm. A blink of an eye later, and the
Spearow was on the ground, twitching.
"I don't believe it! Taken down from the word go! Vlad Stalin, will you show
this Spearow any mercy?"
Vlad Stalin shook his head. The Machop snapped the bird's neck. The crowd
cheered. Trent drooled at the far-off idea of cooking and eating the Spearow.
However, there was the possiblity that Stalin could be Jubu Fuu. Stalin was a
thin, but built man with a black mohawk and moustache. Quite an odd looking
man.
"What a fight, folks! We weren't prepared for that! Is our next fighter even
ready yet? What? He is?! Let's bring him out! Now facing Vlad Stalin and his
amazing Machop... Jubu Fuu and his fighting Machamp!"
So Trent couldn't guess his way out of a train crossing. Jubu Fuu was a
pale, skinny man with a nose ring and bloodshot eyes. His Machamp had a
nosering as well.
"That's our guy! HEY! JUBU FUU!" Trent yelled. Fuu looked around the room,
paranoid and confused. Trent dramatically threw off his straw hat and glasses
to reveal... TRENT RETWIN. Ashura decided he wanted a hot dog and walked over
to the vendor. "I challenge you to a Pokémon match!"
"Uh... that's not allowed, sir," the announcer said. "Sit down."
"I've got a score to settle with you!"
"Sir, sit down, or we'll have your thumbs removed from the premises."
"You want some of this?!" Trent jumped into the ring and began to pummel the
announcer. Shocked and confused, Fuu ran for the exit, but people were leaving.
It seemed they didn't care much for human violence. Fuu panicked and scrambled
back into the ring. He began to whistle.
"I could while away the hours," Trent began to sing, "conferring with the
flowers, consulting with the rain..." Fuu stopped whistling and charged Trent.
Not quick enough to pull a weapon out, Trent was tackled to the ground. He
kicked Fuu off as the announcer escaped. Fuu jumped out of the ring into the
stands and then crawled underneath them, somehow able to fit.
"Huh? Ashura, go after him!" As Ashura crawled under the stands, Fuu's
Machoke caught Trent in a headlock.
"Who's your daddy?!" The Machamp, somehow able to talk, screamed. "Who's
your daddy?!"
"Y-y-yuji Naka!"
"Huh?" Trent slipped out in Machamp's moment of distraction. He kicked him
in the face, then punched him in the face, then punched him again. Machamp only
laughed.
"Stupid human! I'm far stronger than you!"
"How can you talk?"
"I learned! You see, my master is... less than competant." Fuu scrambled
around the bleachers, followed by a frantic Ashura. "I'm not cruel, so I tend
to most of his business. You're the bounty hunter, huh?"
"Yeah." Trent took out his trusty stolen knife and attempted to stab him.
"I've got to bring him in to get my money."
"Then stop attacking me and get him. The bounty is on his head, not mine. I
can live without him."
"That's mighty kind of you." Trent stabbed him anyway. "With the thoughts
I'd be a-thinkin', I could be another Lincoln, if I only had a brai... DAMMIT.
Stupid song's stuck in my head. Ashura, remind me to find that guy who was
whistling so I can skin him alive."
"SHREW." Ashura sat on top of an unconscious Fuu. Apparently, he had
Earthquaked right on top of him. Suddenly, the bleeding Machamp lunged at
Ashura. "SAND?!"
"Whoops. Forgot to kill him."
"SANDSHREW! SANDSHREW!!" Machoke punched Ashura repeatedly. Machamp held
Ashura up with his lower arms and pounded at him with the upper set. Trent
jumped at him from behind, but Machamp threw a punch backwards and sent Trent
back into the ring. Now both their masters were unconscious. Just Machamp and
Ashura.
"Shrew! SHREW!"
"No! I'm going to pound you into a hamburger patty!"
"ShrrrrrEW!" Ashura began to roll quickly, the friction giving Machamp a
slight burn and forcing him to release the tiny Sandshrew. Ashura continued
rolling along the ground, turning back to pound Machamp dead on. Machamp tried
to grab him, but failed and hit the floor, just as Ashura doubled back for
another hit. Machamp tried lifting himself up, but Ashura rolled into his legs
and threw off his balance. Before he could even try to get back up, Ashura hit
him again, right in the head. Machamp gave only last struggle to stand, but
fell right back down with a loud thud. Ashura stopped rolling. Excitedly, he
jumped up and down, knowing he was finally going to get what he deserved. For
the second time in his life, Ashura's body changed into glowing light as his
shape changed. Finally, after what was probably just a week and a half, Ashura
was a Sandslash again.
The next day, Trent delivered both Jubu Fuu and the talking Machamp to
whatever that guy's name was, and collected his three thousand dollar...
Pokédollar... whatever you call them... reward. In addition, his employer gave
him a Pokéball.
"What do you think's inside?" Trent asked.
"Slash."
"I guess..." Trent pressed the trigger on the front and let whatever it was
come out. The light materialized into...
"Wow. A Kabuto." Unimpressed, Trent recalled it. Many would consider
themselves lucky to have a rare Pokémon like Kabuto, but Trent didn't really
like Kabuto. He always felt that Kabuto and Kabutops were inferior to Sandshrew
and Sandslash. Suddenly, Trent jumped onto a lamp post, holding on with a foot
and a hand.
"I would dance and I'd be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry, if I only had
a brain!"
"..."
"Ashura, if I ever do that again, I want you to cut my tongue off."
Actually, the singing thing happened to me a few days ago. Well, I didn't
remember the words, so I just hummed it. I really wanted to kill myself.
Jose L. Solano
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A devious, degenerate defender of the devil
-------------------------------
"*click* *click* grraaey *click* *hiss* grryaee ghhass gho grrwyinmzkghghnhl
*hiss* krk *click*"
-Poggle the Lesser
Asleepmon
>
> Had enough? Yes? Well too bad. I OWN YOU.
Good story, but owning the wrong NG
--
[I whistle and a giant cat-girl mecha bursts out of a nearby highschool. I
hop in and put on one of those weird spandex suits from G-Gundam] If
anyone says how this is as close as I'm getting to being inside a woman,
I'll step on them. - Tech Weaver
You're a goldfish, sipping on an expresso, sitting in a lounge chair on the
side of the interstate, waiting on your gerbil friend to come pick you up
and take you to Taco Bell"