HARRISBURG, Pa. (Rueters) -- Ed
Conrad is quickly being transformed
into a true American hero.
Reaction from around the country
has been incredible to his proposal in
the Pennsylvania Senate to move
Mischief Night -- aka Trick-or-Treat --
two weeks earlier than Halloween.
This would be done so kids in their
colorful flimsy costumes won't freeze
their tails off the evening of Oct. 30,
the day before the major holiday and almost
always very cold and windy.
Conrad, who discovered petrified human
remains between coal veins to completely
destroy Darwin's ridiculous theory of man's
origin, was well pleased at the reaction.
"I'm amazed my suggestion has caught
on like wildfire and I'm really thinking of
suggesting we go even one step farther,
moving Mischief Night to the last week
of August so the kids can stay up much
later since they won't have to get up
for school the next day."
< EARLIER BULLETIN
HARRISBURG, Pa. (Rueters) -- Mischief
Night, also known as Trick-or-Treat and
an integral part of Halloween, will be moved
up two weeks if Pennsylvania legislators
show some balls.
The prime reason is that the evening
of Oct. 30, Mischief Night -- or the day
before Halloween -- has been extremely
cold and windy in recent years and the
kids would enjoy themselves much
more if the weather was a lot warmer.
After all, if you were a kid and you
were wearing a spooky, scary costume
-- or dressed as Cinderella -- how would
you like to be walking the streets, ringing
doorbells, while you're colder than a
Popsicle just out of the Fridge?
Ed Conrad (I-Mahanoy), who has
proposed the legislation, told his
colleagues on the House floor: "Ask
NOT what the kids can do for us.
Ask what WE can do for the kids."
Critics say that you can't mess with
Halloween -- or other sacred holidays --
but Conrad responded with a strong
one-word response: "BULLCRAP!"
Passage of the law will see Mischief
Night celebrated on Oct. 15 next year,
although Halloween would still fall on
Conrad, who is intimately known
by his constituents as Legally Insane,
is widely despised in Pennsylvania
and throughout the Free World.
He is especially hated by brain-
dead evolutionists, anthropologists,
paleontologists and atheists; cancer
researchers; the Smithsonian; George
Bush & Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh;
BillO Reilly; Sean "Ins" Hannity; NASA;
Ann "Douche Bag" Coulter; family of
the late Neil Armstrong, cat-lovers
and many, many others.
Incidentally, this is how Ed Conrad usually dresses on Mischief Night.
Sometimes. however, he does clever tricks
while wearing his Birthday Suit.
Here are just a few of the major
conspiracies that Ed has destroyed and
why he is so widely despised.
0H, NO! NOT 911 AGAIN
NOW WE KNOW WHO KILLED JFK
MAN AS OLD AS COAL
MOONED OVER MIAMI
WAS JESUS MARRIED WITH KIDS?
DEATH DOES NOT EXIST
TIME TO END THE CANCER CURE CONSPIRACY
YES, VIRGINIA, SOME DOGS "CAN" SPEAK ENGLISH