> Master:
> The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when
> you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to
> face facts: It's time to get rid of the cat.

> Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and
> stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You
> would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave
> the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me
> food under the table. Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the
> table - actually physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the
> cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you
> don't see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.

> And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty
> pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right?

> Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that
> the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never
> consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable
> snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get
> eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the
> pets, isn't that what's important?

> Then there's play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog,
> descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and
> attacking it. Haven't I nearly managed to take down a few cars as
> they've driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel
> and in my view should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her,
> she hunches up and spits at me! This can't be sanitary. And shouldn't
> she be de-clawed? I'm very concerned about the potential for damage to
> the furniture and my nose.

> Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom
> in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a
> sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings
> her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a
> toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my
> reach for some reason. I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an
> evil person. Here's a note from the hamster:

> _______________ 9: _______________
> To: Master of the house
> From: Hamster
> Subject: Cat

> Please tell cat to stop staring at me while I work.

> Signed, Hamster, Department of Rodent Wheels

> _______________ 9: _______________
> I also tried to get a note from the fish, but apparently it believes
> that everything happening outside its bowl is some kind of reality-TV show.

> I don't understand why the cat is allowed up on the bed and I'm not. I
> am far more cuddly than any stupid cat. I think her purring sounds
> unhealthy and may be a sign of tuberculosis. And why doesn't she ever
> get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking her paws - you'd never
> catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often smell wonderful from
> rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the time!

> And speaking of sleeping, sometimes I'll be taking a nap and she'll come
> right up and lie down beside me. Usually I'm too tired to do anything
> about it, but then later the other dogs smell her on me and crack a lot
> of jokes at my expense. So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought
> the family to complete ruin. I'm sorry I have to be the one to bring it
> to your attention, but now that I have, I think we can all agree that we
> should go back to the way it was, when I was the No. 1 pet.

> Yours truly,

> The Dog*

> --
> JerryD(upstateNY)

>> Master:
>> The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when
>> you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to
>> face facts: It's time to get rid of the cat.

>> Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and
>> stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You
>> would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave
>> the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me
>> food under the table. Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the
>> table - actually physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the
>> cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you
>> don't see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past
>> me.

>> And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty
>> pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right?

>> Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that
>> the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never
>> consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable
>> snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get
>> eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the
>> pets, isn't that what's important?

>> Then there's play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog,
>> descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and
>> attacking it. Haven't I nearly managed to take down a few cars as
>> they've driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel
>> and in my view should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her,
>> she hunches up and spits at me! This can't be sanitary. And shouldn't
>> she be de-clawed? I'm very concerned about the potential for damage to
>> the furniture and my nose.

>> Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom
>> in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a
>> sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings
>> her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a
>> toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my
>> reach for some reason. I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an
>> evil person. Here's a note from the hamster:

>> _______________ 9: _______________
>> To: Master of the house
>> From: Hamster
>> Subject: Cat

>> Please tell cat to stop staring at me while I work.

>> Signed, Hamster, Department of Rodent Wheels

>> _______________ 9: _______________
>> I also tried to get a note from the fish, but apparently it believes
>> that everything happening outside its bowl is some kind of reality-TV
>> show.

>> I don't understand why the cat is allowed up on the bed and I'm not. I
>> am far more cuddly than any stupid cat. I think her purring sounds
>> unhealthy and may be a sign of tuberculosis. And why doesn't she ever
>> get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking her paws - you'd never
>> catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often smell wonderful from
>> rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the time!

>> And speaking of sleeping, sometimes I'll be taking a nap and she'll come
>> right up and lie down beside me. Usually I'm too tired to do anything
>> about it, but then later the other dogs smell her on me and crack a lot
>> of jokes at my expense. So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought
>> the family to complete ruin. I'm sorry I have to be the one to bring it
>> to your attention, but now that I have, I think we can all agree that we
>> should go back to the way it was, when I was the No. 1 pet.

>> Yours truly,

>> The Dog*

>> --
>> JerryD(upstateNY)

>   I am stealing that.  I love it!

>> Master:
>> The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when
>> you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to
>> face facts: It's time to get rid of the cat.

>> Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and
>> stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You
>> would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave
>> the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me
>> food under the table. Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the
>> table - actually physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the
>> cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you
>> don't see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.

>> And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty
>> pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right?

>> Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that
>> the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never
>> consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable
>> snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get
>> eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the
>> pets, isn't that what's important?

>> Then there's play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog,
>> descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and
>> attacking it. Haven't I nearly managed to take down a few cars as
>> they've driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel
>> and in my view should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her,
>> she hunches up and spits at me! This can't be sanitary. And shouldn't
>> she be de-clawed? I'm very concerned about the potential for damage to
>> the furniture and my nose.

>> Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom
>> in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a
>> sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings
>> her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a
>> toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my
>> reach for some reason. I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an
>> evil person. Here's a note from the hamster:

>> _______________ 9: _______________
>> To: Master of the house
>> From: Hamster
>> Subject: Cat

>> Please tell cat to stop staring at me while I work.

>> Signed, Hamster, Department of Rodent Wheels

>> _______________ 9: _______________
>> I also tried to get a note from the fish, but apparently it believes
>> that everything happening outside its bowl is some kind of reality-TV show.

>> I don't understand why the cat is allowed up on the bed and I'm not. I
>> am far more cuddly than any stupid cat. I think her purring sounds
>> unhealthy and may be a sign of tuberculosis. And why doesn't she ever
>> get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking her paws - you'd never
>> catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often smell wonderful from
>> rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the time!

>> And speaking of sleeping, sometimes I'll be taking a nap and she'll come
>> right up and lie down beside me. Usually I'm too tired to do anything
>> about it, but then later the other dogs smell her on me and crack a lot
>> of jokes at my expense. So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought
>> the family to complete ruin. I'm sorry I have to be the one to bring it
>> to your attention, but now that I have, I think we can all agree that we
>> should go back to the way it was, when I was the No. 1 pet.

>> Yours truly,

>> The Dog*

>> --
>> JerryD(upstateNY)

>  I am stealing that.  I love it!