The life of a wheelbarrow.

Michael Fanner

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Jun 22, 2003, 2:29:06 PM6/22/03

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Back in the last millennium around 1986 or 7, I bought a new wheelbarrow.
I already had an 'old' wheelbarrow but we were digging footings for the
front extension (or was it the rear) and in those days there was,
sometimes, the odd willing helper so rather than have a willing helper
standing idly by I bought another barrow so that any passing willing
helper could wheel dirt away from the trench that I was digging.

Phew!

Time passed and the extensions (front *and* back) were finished. We 'did'
the garden pretty well from scratch and quite suddenly two wheelbarrows
seemed quite ostentatious. So I gave one away.

Father's wheelbarrow had more rust holes than bodywork so I donated the
'old' wheelbarrow to the 'parents garden' project, and everyone was happy.
My 'new' wheelbarrow certainly was, a cushy life ahead, now that all the
construction work was done, and most of it's green paint still intact.

So, fast forward to the 21st century and as most of you know by now, a
conservatory was added to the Fanner home, and of course this involved
digging footings, pouring concrete, barrowing bricks etc. In short the
idyllic life of Wayne the Wheelbarrow was thrown out of kilter.

Wayne didn't object. Incidentally I was going to call him Harriet but I
discovered quite by accident that he was a he. So Wayne.

Like I say, Wayne didn't object, he got stuck in with the rest of us and
soon (not that soon, you understand) the conservatory was done and we all
relaxed with a large glass of wine. Except for Wayne, he's teetotal.

Well time and tide wait for no man, and soon enough it was time to tackle
the garden, which had become nothing so much as a builders yard during the
conservatory construction. Again Wayne waded in with all the vigour which
we'd come to expect, but we didn't realise that Wayne had been weakened by
the passage of time. Wayne suffered a double hernia.

One day whilst wheeling supplies around to the back (where the garden is)
I noticed a rubbing noise from Wayne's front. Close inspection revealed
that his tyre had split on two places and his inner tube was bulging from
these places in a most alarming manner. But he didn't complain. Wayne
never complained.

Apart from a sort of a 'zuzzing' noise when his bulge rubbed on the
hardened concrete on the underside of the barrow, or the uneven lurch as
his bulge hit the ground, you'd have been hard pushed to realise anything
was wrong. Shame on me for letting him carry on like that.

Yesterday morning I had cause to visit the local tyre depot. A puncure on
the van was getting just too bloody annoying so I though I'd take time out
from my hectic schedule and get it repaired. Whilst there I enquired about
a new tyre for Wayne.

"Ten quid mate". Shaun doesn't actually talk like that but, y'know, poetic
licence and all that. "Plus it might need a tube."

Well I love Wayne to bits but thirteen pounds sterling on a barrow that
only cost eighteen back in 87 (or 8) and had a hole in the bottom where I
hit it too hard with a spade once, seemed a few quid too far. We would
continue with the 'zuzzing' and the jolting.

From Fareham Tyre and Exhaust (and minor vehicle service centre) we
hightailed over to Wicks to purchase 120 buff paviers and some sharp sand.
Whilst there I was seduced by the sight of a number of shiny new black
wheelbarrows for the princely sum of nineteen of our English pounds. Who
could turn down an offer like that. Thirteen quid for a new tyre and tube
after which I'd still have a very rusty barrow with a hole where I hit it
too hard with a spade once, or nineteen quid for a virgin barrow.
Untouched by anything stronger than the hands of the people who unloaded
it off the truck.

OK, I'm a heel, I bought one.

Home we went. We unloaded the barrow, we loaded the barrow with buff
paviers and sharp sand and wheeled it around the back. Wayne said nowt.
Not even the slightest 'zuzz'. Now I can be an insensitive soul at times
but I swear I never noticed his distress.

Anyway 120 buff paviers and four bags of sharp sand, plus one of building
sand, were soon deposited out back and the fair Wendy and I retired to the
conservatory for tea and jam doughnuts.

Again, you can call me insensitive but I never thought a thing about it as
I parked the new shiny barrow right alongside somewhat sad looking Wayne.

What I did notice however was the bang that sounded like a rifle shot that
shook us out of our 'tea and doughnut' relaxation.

"What the..." Wendy cried. I leapt outside expecting to find half the US
cavalry aiming over the garden fence, only to find....

Wayne's bulging inner tube had given out, finally and irrevocably. He
stood there, one bag of sand still aboard, tyre completely flat. Did he
know? I rather think he did. I still use him for mixing muck in but he's
an absolute pig to move around with his flat tyre. I shall be glad to see
the back of him.

A nice comfortable builders skip awaits Wayne when I have no more muck to
mix. After that it will be just me and Harriet.

Nineteen quid. I think she was worthit. <lololol>

Mick.

Dalin

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Jun 22, 2003, 2:52:10 PM6/22/03

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Hilarious post Mick! But ... you should have come to me first. I
know this little place, Tony's Used Tires and Wrecking Service in
Bull's Gap, Tenn., and I just know Tony would have fixed your tire for
nothing! <g> (Do you think Wayne was trying to shoot Harriet?)

Dalin

Michael Fanner

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Jun 22, 2003, 2:57:41 PM6/22/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 18:52:10 +0000, **Dalin** wrote:

> (Do you think Wayne was trying to shoot Harriet?)

It crossed our minds <lol>

M.

Faye Ray

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Jun 22, 2003, 2:53:18 PM6/22/03

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Mick, folks over here have a quaint but very cute way of retiring their old
wheel barrows; they prop them up in the front (or back) yard and fill them
full of potting soil and plant pretty flowers in them using very creative
ways of arranging them. They are really quite nice looking and can be moved
easily from one spot to another. Faye
"Michael Fanner" <michae...@onetel.net.uk> wrote in message
news:pan.2003.06.22....@onetel.net.uk...

Michael Fanner

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Jun 22, 2003, 3:02:36 PM6/22/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 18:53:18 +0000, Faye Ray wrote:

> Mick, folks over here have a quaint but very cute way of retiring their old
> wheel barrows; they prop them up in the front (or back) yard and fill them
> full of potting soil and plant pretty flowers in them using very creative
> ways of arranging them. They are really quite nice looking and can be moved
> easily from one spot to another. Faye

Hush Faye, you'll give Wendy ideas <g>

Mick.

NHunkele

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Jun 22, 2003, 3:53:44 PM6/22/03

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I don't think Wayne would do anything that crass. I think he was preening and
puffing up to instigate a romance and puffed a little too hard.
Norma

Dalin

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Jun 22, 2003, 4:03:07 PM6/22/03

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Oh yes! Good idea! They often tip the wheelbarrows on their side too
and let the dirt spill out, then plant the flowers in front of the
wheelbarrow on the spilled dirt. They also do it with the big wooden
tubs. It's very attractive.

Dalin

Vickie

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Jun 22, 2003, 4:28:25 PM6/22/03

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>From: "Michael Fanner" michae...@onetel.net.uk
>Date: 6/22/03

[the saga of Wayne the Wheelbarrow]

Love it! Should be a children's book...he held out in loyalty until you had a
back-up...bless his rusty little heart...

Vickie

Bette

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Jun 22, 2003, 4:28:54 PM6/22/03

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>Subject: The life of a wheelbarrow.
>From: "Michael Fanner"

>Back in the last millennium around 1986 or 7, I bought a new wheelbarrow.

etc.

Quite a story, filled me full of giggles.
you've a knack! ;>) Bette

david

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Jun 22, 2003, 6:06:08 PM6/22/03

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On 22 Jun 2003 david read the alt.fifty-plus.friends post of Michael
Fanner, which stated...

> Back in the last millennium around 1986 or 7, I bought a new
> wheelbarrow. I already had an 'old' wheelbarrow but we were digging
> footings for the front extension (or was it the rear) and in those
> days there was, sometimes, the odd willing helper so rather than have
> a willing helper standing idly by I bought another barrow so that any
> passing willing helper could wheel dirt away from the trench that I
> was digging.

> ...........<snip>...............

gee, mick... first you peek at his private parts, then you poke a hole in
him, then you don't take care of his maintenance needs, then you buy a
neutered metal equivalent and park it right next to him, then you ignore
his masculine needs, AND... you overwork him with no overtime benefits...
you clearly avoided any mention of any possible relationship that may
have existed with the wheelbarrow you "gave away"... how callous...
harrumph!!!>.. and after loyal devotion he gets a hernia and you, for a
lousy 10 quid, let poor wayne suffer. i hope poor Wendy knows what is in
store for her if she ever suffers... off to the "spouse and kitchen
supply store" for a replacement... and poor Wendy will be relegated to
sit in the back yard day and night alongside poor Wayne... and maybe the
two of them will then run off together... ah, sad story... and all
because you wouldn't spend 10 quid... whatever that is... :-))
david (who avoids such temptation by never doing such strenuous work that
a wheelbarrow is required.... <vbg>)

--
_______________________________________
david dsk...@usa.net

DAE

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Jun 22, 2003, 6:13:15 PM6/22/03

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Michael,

Okay, you've used the term several times, but I don't know what it means.
What is a Quid? A squid with no ink? Inquiring minds need to know:-))

Don and his Devil

"Michael Fanner" <michae...@onetel.net.uk> wrote in message
news:pan.2003.06.22....@onetel.net.uk...

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Jun 23, 2003, 12:11:20 PM6/23/03

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:09 PM6/23/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 18:52:10 +0000, **Dalin** wrote:

> Tony's Used Tires and Wrecking Service in
> Bull's Gap,

I still think you made that up ;-)

Michael Fanner

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:12 PM6/23/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 23:46:58 +0000, Lone Star wrote:

> Mick, yer posed to treat ol' wheelbarrows like ol' racehorses.

Shoot the blighters??? ;-)

Michael Fanner

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:12 PM6/23/03

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On Mon, 23 Jun 2003 11:10:16 +0800, Toddy wrote:

> Who else could make the life and times of a wheelbarrow as interesting as
> you have ?

Try reading 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Wheelbarrow'

Or, 'Harry Potter and the Wheelbarrow of Azkabam'

M.

Michael Fanner

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:13 PM6/23/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 20:28:54 +0000, Bette wrote:

> filled me full of giggles.

Please accept my apologies ;-)

Michael Fanner

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:13 PM6/23/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 19:53:44 +0000, NHunkele wrote:

> I don't think Wayne would do anything that crass. I think he was preening and
> puffing up to instigate a romance and puffed a little too hard.

You don't know Wayne like I do, Norma. He doesn't know how to preen.

SAy, didn't I just see you in....noooo...must be a mistake. Sorry.

M.

Michael Fanner

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:13 PM6/23/03

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On Mon, 23 Jun 2003 11:11:50 +0800, Toddy wrote:

> I'll jump in here as Mick is probably asleep right now <g>

Eleven minutes past eleven? Wide awake but off the computer. Laying in bed
imagining what it must be like to read a Harry Potter book.

> A quid is one pound sterling.

See, you did remember <lol>

M.

Michael Fanner

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:19:14 PM6/23/03

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On Sun, 22 Jun 2003 22:06:08 +0000, david wrote:

> gee, mick... first you peek at his private parts,

It was an accidental sighting, no more.

> then you poke a hole in
> him,

Just trying to remove some dried on cement. It was for his own good.

> then you don't take care of his maintenance needs,

Maintenance? On a wheelbarrow? Aw, come on.

> then you buy a
> neutered metal equivalent

Harriet isn't neutered. She's something else entirely. And she's black, so
don't say too much.

> and park it right next to him, then you ignore
> his masculine needs,

Too right I did pal. What do you take me for?

> AND... you overwork him with no overtime benefits...

Hahahahaha. He was happy enough, don't you kid...

> you clearly avoided any mention of any possible relationship that may
> have existed with the wheelbarrow you "gave away"...

It went to a good home, well it did me ok for 28 years.

> how callous...

Wasn't she an opera singer

and after loyal devotion he gets a hernia and you, for a
> lousy 10 quid,

Typical. Typical of Americans the world over to think that ten quid is
lousy. Well lemme tell you it aint. No sirree.

> let poor wayne suffer.

Cue dem violins whydoncha?

> i hope poor Wendy knows what is in
> store for her if she ever suffers... off to the "spouse and kitchen
> supply store" for a replacement...

Hmmmm!!!!

> and poor Wendy will be relegated to
> sit in the back yard day and night alongside poor Wayne...

I'll send photos.

> and maybe the
> two of them will then run off together... ah, sad story... and all
> because you wouldn't spend 10 quid... whatever that is... :-))

Well I was about to tell you, but you just about outdid the weeping heart
bit so you'll have to ask Big Al.

> david (who avoids such temptation by never doing such strenuous work that
> a wheelbarrow is required.... <vbg>)

I might have known. All that and you've never even owned a wheel barrow.
Humbug <lol>

Mick.

Kelly Petit

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Jun 23, 2003, 3:31:22 PM6/23/03

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"Michael Fanner" <michae...@onetel.net.uk> a écrit dans le message de

news:pan.2003.06.23....@onetel.net.uk...

Introduce me, please!!
Kelly

Toddy

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Jun 23, 2003, 8:59:53 PM6/23/03

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I am sorry to have maligned you !
I had forgotten you are an early riser<g>
Toddy, usually dead to the world for as long as possible in the mornings
<lol>

"Michael Fanner" <michae...@onetel.net.uk> wrote in message

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Toddy

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Jun 23, 2003, 9:00:23 PM6/23/03

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I'll wait for the paperbacks <g>
toddy

"Michael Fanner" <michae...@onetel.net.uk> wrote in message

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