Olde Englishe Joke
Gordon
Edward Lear, the 19th century English landscape painter, wrote
affectionately of a favourite Duchess who gave enormous dinner parties
attended by the cream of society.
One night she let out a ripper and quick as a flash she turned her gaze
to her stoic butler, standing, as always, behind her.
"Hawkins!" she cried, "Stop that!"
"Certainly, your Grace", he replied with unhurried dignity,
"Which way did it go?"
--
Gordon Harris
Victoria
news:XTBRu2Cz...@g3snx.demon.co.uk...
Goromoff
news:42ffitF...@individual.net:
then there is the other Olde One:-
A distinguished gathering was in full swing when the young man let out a
scorcher. The old man turned and said "How dare you fart before my wife?"
to which the young man replied, "I beg the lady's pardon, Sir, but I did
not know it was her turn!"
Kelly
ROTFLOL!
--
Kelly
Kelly
> then there is the other Olde One:-
>
> A distinguished gathering was in full swing when the young man let
> out a scorcher. The old man turned and said "How dare you fart before
> my wife?" to which the young man replied, "I beg the lady's pardon,
> Sir, but I did not know it was her turn!"
LOL
That one was good too!
--
Kelly
Victoria
[..]
> then there is the other Olde One:-
>
> A distinguished gathering was in full swing when the young man let out a
> scorcher. The old man turned and said "How dare you fart before my wife?"
> to which the young man replied, "I beg the lady's pardon, Sir, but I did
> not know it was her turn!"
>
"On the subject of farts - one last item;
they've got to come out, so why fight'em?
You can blast them out loudly,
and boast of them proudly,
or if you're so inclined, you can light'em!"
Anon.
not v
Dink
news:42flkuF...@individual.net:
'Tis better to fart and bear the shame
Than not to fart and bear the pain.
--
not Dink
N 30.21, W 97.81 http://snipurl.com/whereiam
http://snipurl.com/austinweatherpixie
Bobbie
Files of farts full of foolish fritters on flaming flatulence
Definitely Bobbie.....I think..;-)
Kelly
LOL
My dad used to light them!! Especially if they happened to be my mother's.
She used to say there was more space outside than inside. But, of course, we
were all brought up to do such things in private!
--
Kelly
Kelly
>
> 'Tis better to fart and bear the shame
> Than not to fart and bear the pain.
Isn't that perfectly true! -;)
--
Kelly
Knut Willy
----------------------------------
Gordon, seems you are a fart smeller.....
--
Knut Willy
Using Opera's revolutionary e-mail client: http://www.opera.com/mail/
Geno1234
"Kelly" <ke...@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:42fn02F...@individual.net...
Phxbrd
"Bobbie" <onymyumb...@ouch.org.uk> wrote in message
news:dpu8ei$mng$1...@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
Ever see a flaming fart? I have. A guy I knew in the army used to flick
his Zippo near his butt while laying on his back in his bunk with his legs
up. He shot a blue/orange flame a good two feet! You ain't lived until
you've seen such....
Bobbie
explosive to me.....
Bobbie:-)
gruffydd
Ever see a flaming fart? I have. A guy I knew in the army used to flick
his Zippo near his butt while laying on his back in his bunk with his legs
up. He shot a blue/orange flame a good two feet! You ain't lived until
true it can be done, and quite spectacular too, especially when the gas is
contained somewhat inside the garments and the farter ends up in hospital
needing skin grafts on his bits and pieces.
Phxbrd
He learned the hard way to do it only while wearing at least underwear.
Ever smell burning butthole hair?
Everybody had lunch already?
Michael A. Ball
>'Tis better to fart and bear the shame
>Than not to fart and bear the pain.
It is better to burp, and taste it,
than to fart and waste it.
Whatever it takes.
Suze
"Geno1234" <franc...@fuse.net> wrote in message
news:edf4f$43c2af34$d84425c9$20...@FUSE.NET...
Gordon
>"Geno1234" <franc...@fuse.net> wrote in message
>news:edf4f$43c2af34$d84425c9$20...@FUSE.NET...
>> But what should a Lady do?
>>
>> "Kelly" <ke...@nospam.com> wrote in message
>> news:42fn02F...@individual.net...
>>> Dink wrote:
>>>>
>>>> 'Tis better to fart and bear the shame
>>>> Than not to fart and bear the pain.
>>>
>>> Isn't that perfectly true! -;)
>>>
>A one cheek sneak. ;-)
An old man was taken by his daughter to visit a home for the elderly
where she was proposing to place him.
He sat in a waiting room after a quick tour of the place, whilst the
daughter was taken round, inspecting rooms and kitchen, etc.
After sitting for a while, the old gentleman began to slowly lean to one
side, and a passing nurse gently returned him to the upright position.
This happened several times, and each time he was straightened up by a
member of staff, concerned for his safety.
Eventually his daughter came to take him home, and asked him if he would
be happy to stay there.
"Not likely!" he said, "They won't even let me fart in here"!
--
Gordon Harris
Toddy
Toddy
"Gordon" <Gor...@g3snx.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:XTBRu2Cz...@g3snx.demon.co.uk...
Toddy
"Goromoff" <goro...@godknows.com> wrote in message
news:dpu4he$nhu$2...@nwrdmz01.dmz.ncs.ea.ibs-infra.bt.com...
LOL!!
Toddy
Geno2345
"Suze" <mi...@shaw.ca> wrote in message news:ZlBwf.281632$ki.762@pd7tw2no...
Geno2345
"Phxbrd" <lesliese...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:42fpkbF...@individual.net...
Marie
had.those who have known me a long time will understand why.
Marie
Toddy
Suze
Suze...curioser and curioser
"Marie" <mhe...@tpg.com.au> wrote in message
news:43c3...@dnews.tpgi.com.au...
Suze
"Gordon" wrote...
> Suze wrote...
>>"Geno1234" wrote...
>>> But what should a Lady do?
>>> "Kelly" wrote...
>>>> Dink wrote:
>>>>> 'Tis better to fart and bear the shame
>>>>> Than not to fart and bear the pain.
>>>> Isn't that perfectly true! -;)
>>A one cheek sneak. ;-)
> An old man was taken by his daughter to visit a home for the elderly where
> she was proposing to place him.
> He sat in a waiting room after a quick tour of the place, whilst the
> daughter was taken round, inspecting rooms and kitchen, etc.
> After sitting for a while, the old gentleman began to slowly lean to one
> side, and a passing nurse gently returned him to the upright position.
> This happened several times, and each time he was straightened up by a
> member of staff, concerned for his safety.
> Eventually his daughter came to take him home, and asked him if he would
> be happy to stay there.
> "Not likely!" he said, "They won't even let me fart in here"!
> --
> Gordon Harris
LOL! That's funny! ;-))
Suze
Gordon
>"Gordon" <Gor...@g3snx.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
>news:XTBRu2Cz...@g3snx.demon.co.uk...
>> Everyone farts, admit it or not. Kings fart, queens fart.
>>
>> Edward Lear, the 19th century English landscape painter, wrote
>> affectionately of a favourite Duchess who gave enormous dinner parties
>> attended by the cream of society.
>> One night she let out a ripper and quick as a flash she turned her gaze to
>> her stoic butler, standing, as always, behind her.
>> "Hawkins!" she cried, "Stop that!"
>> "Certainly, your Grace", he replied with unhurried dignity,
>> "Which way did it go?"
>>
I'm sorry Your Grace, I wouldn't have told that story if I'd known that
you were posting here!
--
Hawkins
Victoria
[..]
>> "On the subject of farts - one last item;
>> they've got to come out, so why fight'em?
>> You can blast them out loudly,
>> and boast of them proudly,
>> or if you're so inclined, you can light'em!"
>> Anon.
>>
>> not v
>>
>>
> What beauties for the collection.....
> Files of farts full of foolish fritters on flaming flatulence
>
> Definitely Bobbie.....I think..;-)
>
v...now going to try to conduct myself with a modicum of decorum...*snort*
Kelly
> But what should a Lady do?
>
--
Kelly
Kelly
> An old man was taken by his daughter to visit a home for the elderly
> where she was proposing to place him.
>
> He sat in a waiting room after a quick tour of the place, whilst the
> daughter was taken round, inspecting rooms and kitchen, etc.
>
> After sitting for a while, the old gentleman began to slowly lean to
> one side, and a passing nurse gently returned him to the upright
> position.
> This happened several times, and each time he was straightened up by a
> member of staff, concerned for his safety.
>
> Eventually his daughter came to take him home, and asked him if he
> would be happy to stay there.
> "Not likely!" he said, "They won't even let me fart in here"!
Heard it before, but it's still as good! lol
--
Kelly
Kelly
> It seems I am to be haunted for the rest of my life for that dinner
> party I had.those who have known me a long time will understand why.
> Marie
You and the queen been in the same situation? lol
A few years ago we had a similar thread and I told you about my sister when
she was on holiday in Turkey. Well, I'll tell it over again just in case you
missed it.
She was having supper with friends at a restaurant and had a terrible pain.
She just couldn't stay like that and as the restaurant was almost empty she
decided she'd go to the other corner (which was in the dark) and pretend
taking a picture of her friend. When she was far enough from them she let
go - what a relief for her!! She was bending over a bit to take the picture
and then she felt someone near her! She hadn't seen that there were people
sitting just where she'd let go of that 'big one'!! She was so ashamed that
she could have disappeared, she said! Fortunately she didn't know them, but
I laughed my head off when she told me this....
--
Kelly
Bobbie
ROTFLOL...I love it......I tend to wait until I get on the Heath, you
would think with so much open space it would not offend anyone......10/1
there will be a jogger behind me.....<G> I eat a lot of sprouts......
Bobbie;-)
Kelly
>
> ROTFLOL...I love it......I tend to wait until I get on the Heath, you
> would think with so much open space it would not offend
> anyone......10/1 there will be a jogger behind me.....<G> I eat a lot
> of sprouts......
> Bobbie;-)
You should have heard her tell it!
LOl
Those sprouts really sprout, don't they?
--
Kelly
Suze
"Kelly" wrote...
LOL! That is funny! One of those things it takes you a while to see the
humour in if it happens to you though. :-))
When I was 14 years old, on a sultry romantic summer evening... sitting on
the pier of my relatives' marina, with the secret mad crush of my girlish
dreams and a couple of other young people, I was asked out on my first date
ever. It was such a deliciously scared feeling to be asked that when I
opened my mouth to respond, an excruciatingly loud and very long breaking of
wind came forth from me instead. There were two choices it seemed to me at
the time. I could dive off the pier and try to drown...but I was a good
swimmer. I took the second option and ran all the way home, hiding from
everyone for about two weeks and reliving the horror numerous times in my
tortured mind. ;-))
Suze
Toddy
Toddy
"Kelly" <ke...@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:42ibdlF...@individual.net...
Kelly
>
> When I was 14 years old, on a sultry romantic summer evening...
> sitting on the pier of my relatives' marina, with the secret mad
> crush of my girlish dreams and a couple of other young people, I was
> asked out on my first date ever. It was such a deliciously scared
> feeling to be asked that when I opened my mouth to respond, an
> excruciatingly loud and very long breaking of wind came forth from me
> instead. There were two choices it seemed to me at the time. I could
> dive off the pier and try to drown...but I was a good swimmer. I took
> the second option and ran all the way home, hiding from everyone for
> about two weeks and reliving the horror numerous times in my tortured
> mind. ;-)) Suze
How awful that must have been for you! I can easily imagine your shame!
I remember once when I was 4, a male friend of our family's gave me an apple
and I was thought to say thank you and make a little reverence. Well, when I
did that out came the 'pop'!! He said "What was that 'pop'?" and laughed. I
hated him ever after-;)
--
Kelly
Suze
"Kelly" wrote in message...
> Suze wrote:
I was devastated. It didn't help that one of the people present blurted
out...OMG! :-) Took me a lot of time before I could look back and laugh at
it, but I did date the guy a couple of weeks later and often after that so
all was not lost. <G>
As for your embarrassment at four, it's incredible how some people don't
have the tact to pretend not to notice isn't it? What is a little
reverence...a curtsy?
Suze
Suze