Are there still a few cultivated Americans left in Washington?!
Ulku Dr . Kuran
(Anonymous)
From: ma...@ulkuran.freeserve.co.uk
--------------------------
These little gems help to persuade us that there are still a few cultivated
Americans left in Washington!
From a Washington Post Invitational contest. Readers were asked
to combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable description
of the merged book. The prizewinners:
"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's classic
children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is
embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are
executed.
"2001: A Space Iliad" - The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war
against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.
"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi" - Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard
Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from
Polynesia.
"The Maltese Faulkner" - Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's
struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with
the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to
understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?
"Jane Eyre Jordan" - Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead
the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.
"Looking for Mr. Godot" - A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her
life. She has a lo-o-o-o-ng wait.
"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" - An 18th-century English nobleman leads a
double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of
post-Revolution France.
"Lorna Dune" - An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a
notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm
jockey in order to impress her.
"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" - A formal English butler puts his
loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot
to assassinate Charles deGaulle.
"The Invisible Man of La Mancha" - Don Quixote discovers a mysterious
elixir, which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of
corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the
while singing "To Fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally stopped by a
windmill.
"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" - Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off
by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?
"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" - Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only
to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been
taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously
developed rudimentary technology and regained the ability to speak after
exposure to nuclear radiation.
"Paradise Lost in Space" - Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend
eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and two
annoying children.
"The Exorstentialist" - Camus psychological thriller about a priest who
casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to what
it's doing.
--------------------------
There is no such thing as wasted love, señor.
Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)
Yoj
--
Joy
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
"Ulku Dr . Kuran" <ma...@ulkuran.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:a6s8bt$c3u$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
Kelly Petit
LOL
Kelly
"Ulku Dr . Kuran" <ma...@ulkuran.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:a6s8bt$c3u$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
Toddy
Thanks for the laugh!
Toddy
Ulku Dr . Kuran <ma...@ulkuran.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:a6s8bt$c3u$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
Vickie
>Date: 3/15/02
Thank you! I enjoyed this, wish I could read some of them. <g>
Vickie
Monk Keezunkle
snnkkk snnkkk
Peace, Monk Keezunkle
-----------------
Vickie says...
Vickie
>Date: 3/15/02
[..]
>Vickie says...
>>Thank you! I enjoyed this, wish I could read some of them. <g>
>>
>it?
>snnkkk snnkkk
>
>Peace, Monk Keezunkle
LOL! <thwack!>
At least I don't color in mine the way you do.
V
Arch
Arch
Monk Keezunkle
>>Vickie says...
>>>Thank you! I enjoyed this, wish I could read some of them. <g>
>>>
>>Have you tried moving your lips? It's tough when there's no pictures; ain't
>>it? snnkkk snnkkk
>>
>>Peace, Monk Keezunkle
To which Vickie rejoins, vigorously:
>
>LOL! <thwack!>
>
>At least I don't color in mine the way you do.
>
>V
>
So, once again, with sincerest sympathy and the patience of a Saint, Monk
offers:
The crayons work better if you don't have a bunch of butter and gravy stains on
the page first. Try it, you'll like it.
Peace, Monk Keezunkle (thinking that ANYone could see that I'm just tryng to
help)
Don Erker
Good come back to that Monkey Man:-))
Don (Prone)
Vickie <vbfr...@aol.comatose> wrote in message
news:20020315094948...@mb-fq.aol.com...
Vickie
>Date: 3/15/02
>Vickie,
>Good come back to that Monkey Man:-))
Don, that danged primate is an embarrassment. I tried to take him with me to my
favorite bar.
I ordered a drink and Monk starts jumping all over the place. He grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,
then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at me, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" I
apologized and scolded Monk big time. I said, "He eats everything in sight, the
little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." I finished my drink, paid
the bill, and left.
Two weeks later I tried to visit the bar again with Monk. I ordered a drink and
Monk starts his running around. He finds a maraschino cherry on the bar and
sticks it up his rear, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?"
I ask. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his rear, then pulled it out and
ate it!" says the barkeep.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," I said. "He still eats everything in sight,
but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"
Vickie....so so sorry....and with apologies to hotbar.com jokes
Vickie
>Date: 3/15/02
>Sic him Vickie, sic him!
>
> Arch
Grrr...rufff rufff ruff...
V <g>
Don Erker
Loved it:-)) I hope the Monkey Man's Creator read it also. It's always
good to shut down for the night with a chuckle. Thanks Vickie.
Don (Prone)
Vickie <vbfr...@aol.comatose> wrote in message
news:20020315182319...@mb-mn.aol.com...
Monk Keezunkle
Sure...tell stories...make jokes...but, how do you have the time? Don't you
have work to do? While you get back to work I'll straighten out a few minor
omissions on your part; OK?
Ya see, Don, Vickie didn't actually "take" me to that bar. I was told about the
bar (and Vickie) by an old buddy of mine and I just had to go see for myself. I
went in and sat down to order and, sure enough, just as I had been told by my
buddy, before long...I spied our Vickie. Except for the silver spurs, she was
dressed like Victoria's Secret had taken the 5th ammendemnt;
Va-Va-VOOOOOOOOM!!! She went from table to table, from barstool to barstool,
stopping at each and every man in the place to whisper something in his ear.
Some of the men said something back to her; some men just sat and stared, kinda
fish-eyed, like they couldn't speak. I just bided my time, waiting for my
opportunity. And, sure enough, just as I had been told by my buddy, Vickie came
right up to me and whispered in my ear: "I'll do ANYthing you ask, for
two-hundred bucks. ANYthing. But you gotta say it in three words." You must
believe me when I tell you, I was READY for this. I knew EXACTLY what I wanted
and I was READY, I tell ya. I put my lips to Vickie's ear and said: "Paint my
house!"
So, now you know the REAL story and Vickie can get back to work. I only wish we
had agreed upon a time frame...6 months seems like a long time to paint a house.
A great price, though.
Peace, Monk Keezunkle
Vickie
[..]
LOL!...<falls off chair...can't breathe>...
Mighta knowed I couldn't win with you...
Vickie...Queen of the Silver Dollar...bwahahaha!
Monk Keezunkle
Aw shucks, Vickie, you won with me the first time you showed up here. And
that's the truth. And Chong talks about you all the time. He's been a lot
easier to live with since you told him to change his bong water more often than
once a month. Could you tell him not to drink it anymore, though? The rest of
us aren't really that keen on the smell.
Peace, Monk Keezunkle
"Secure within m'selves"
Dennis, et al
Don Erker
Ulku Dr . Kuran <ma...@ulkuran.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:a6s8bt$c3u$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
Funny stuff. I think the only cultivated people in Washington are farmers
myself:-))
Don (Prone)
Don Erker
Monk Keezunkle <nos...@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:H2Ik8.7276$15....@www.newsranger.com...
Vickie,
I was just thinking. (A miracle in itself:-) Aren't you glad that Monkey
Man didn't swallow a bowling ball first? Poor Chong, Dennis treats him like
his brain is fried. We all know it's boiled.
Don (Prone)
Vickie
>Date: 3/16/02
<merciful snippage>
>>Mighta knowed I couldn't win with you...
>>
>>Vickie...Queen of the Silver Dollar...bwahahaha!
>Aw shucks, Vickie, you won with me the first time you showed up here. And
>that's the truth. And Chong talks about you all the time. He's been a lot
>easier to live with since you told him to change his bong water more often
>than
>once a month. Could you tell him not to drink it anymore, though?
I will try to have a word with him, (sometimes he only understands one at a
time); but, it's not easy...with him staring off into the ceiling corner of a
galaxy far, far away.
The rest
>of
>us aren't really that keen on the smell.
Like a hockey team locker room? Not that I'd know, of course...
Maybe you should spray some air freshener into that hat. Don't wash it though,
'cause last time made the band too tight, didn't it?
Vickie
Vickie
>Date: 3/16/02
<snippity doo dah>
>Vickie,
>
>I was just thinking. (A miracle in itself:-)
<G> Now cut that out.
Aren't you glad that Monkey
>Man didn't swallow a bowling ball first?
LOL! (Your Devil is perking up!) Please, I'm trying to forget that tasteless
joke....but it was the only one I could find about a monkey.
Poor Chong, Dennis treats him like
>his brain is fried. We all know it's boiled.
>Don (Prone)
Too true...bubbling and fermenting.
Vickie