A Confession - OR How to Take Control Of My Shopping Addiction
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
checking out sales at chains like BCBG, Banana Republic, Bebe and J.
Crew and department stores like Saks and Neimans. I also buy lots of
stuff on Ebay, where I get European designer items and vintage stuff,
and I regularly visit Filene's Basement in search of interesting
designer bargains.
In fact, I buy so much stuff that I now (a) don't have room for it,
and, worse and quite sad, (b) no longer really derive much pleasure
from shopping.
I recently cleared out three large bin liner-sized bags of clothes from
my closet and could easily have set more stuff aside for charity, based
simply on how little of the clothes I own I actually love and value.
I also recently calculated that I spend between $500 and $2000 a month
on this stuff.
So I decided to stop shopping year-round, and instead save that money
to spend on really high-end items twice a year, at season-end at
designer sales. I currently cannot justify spending more than $150 on
any item of clothing, including coats and boots, which is why I end up
with dozens of cheap items that I don't care for at the end of the day.
I also can't justify paying full price for clothing, particularly when
it's expensive. What drives my shopping is the search for bargains!
Hence my decision to shop at season-end sales only. We're talking
non-essentials here, obviously, stuff to revive my wardrobe only.
Really nice stuff, that costs a lot (by my standards, ie; say, $500 a
piece) and that I'm going to love a lot.
When I've told people I'm close to of this decision, they were all
surprised that I would remove such a big pasttime out of my life
overnight like that. So, really, I don't know how I'm going to cope
when the 'need to shop' hits me.
I'd love to hear how other people who've taken hold of their addiction
- because really that's what it is - have dealt with the withdrawal.
So far, I've bought a new lipstick instead!
Jamie
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" <pene...@rescueteam.com> wrote in message
news:1108582130.2...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
I've always heard that when you remove one behaviour, it's best to replace
it with another, better one. Do you have another in mind? I can't help
with the shopping problem. I've always been the type of shopper who can't
stand to wait for a sale and when confronted with racks of sale-priced
goodies, I cannot spend the time weeding through every single item in search
of the perfect find! As a matter of fact, if I enter an establishment that
is overrun with people because of a huge sale, I will usually back out and
go somewhere else rather than encounter any hassle in the search for a
bargain. But, then again, I don't spend your amount on shopping either.
I'm not even in your league!
Jamie
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
addiction of the kind that gets one into debt. But I do have this need
to check out the shops every couple of weeks or so, and I end up buying
things I could do without.
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
buy what I need, when I need it. I too am now bored with weeding
through sale racks, yet I can't bear to pay full price. The thing is
that I do love clothes and fashion and I enjoy dressing up. So I don't
think I can constrain my shopping to only things I need... I guess I'm
going in circles... :-/
shinypenny
I agree that it helps to find a better habit in replacement, and I've
got just the one for you: become an investor!
When the urge to shop hits, just log online to someplace like Vanguard,
research funds, and then plop your $500-2000 into it. I am telling you,
you will get such a thrill!!! And you can watch it grow and grow and
grow for even more thrills! :-)
Otherwise, what I do myself is to keep myself on a budget.
Theoretically, after bills, 401K, emergency fund, etc, is deducted, if
I could spend $1000 a month on clothes, I would instead, have, say, an
extra $750 automatically deducted before my paycheck hits the bank.
Then whatever is in my checking account would be free for me to enjoy
without guilt. I can still shop, but it has to be more realistic and
stay within a more reasonable amount. I do a lot of window shopping.
:-)
jen
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
so much money and not having anything seriously fabulous to show for
it... I don't really budget myself which is why I got a fright the
other day when I added up my spending on shoes and clothes over the
past few months...
I also like the idea of keeping a shopping list and staying in focus
when I do go shopping.
I think talking about this on alt.fashion will really have a positive
impact on my future shopping and budgeting behaviour, so thank you for
taking the time to share how you handle this. :-)
shinypenny
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
> That sounds like a neat alternative and I do feel stupid for spending
> so much money and not having anything seriously fabulous to show for
> it... I don't really budget myself which is why I got a fright the
> other day when I added up my spending on shoes and clothes over the
> past few months...
I hear you. :-)
> I also like the idea of keeping a shopping list and staying in focus
> when I do go shopping.
I thought that was a great suggestion too. I find I'm doing that more
and more these days myself. Maybe not a strict list, but a guideline of
things I am looking for to keep me more focused.
Also, I have been steering clear of discount places like Marshall's and
TJMaxx, and in general steer clear of department store one day sales. I
love shopping at those places, but when it gets right down to it, I
realize that more often than not, what I buy (no matter how discounted)
ends up languishing in my closet because nothing goes with it.
I stick to my tried & true places (BR, Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft, and
Jcrew) and if I do see an absolutely perfect item, I don't think twice
about whether it's on sale or not. I find I make better purchases when
I'm not lured in by a discounted price. Instead of buying five sweaters
that have been marked down, I'll go for the one great "investment
piece" coat instead.
I've been on a moratorium now for several weeks (with only one
"cheat"). I'm waiting for the new BR petites to open up at the end of
the month. I can't wait.... I am so excited...... I know exactly what I
want. I will be so thrilled to try it on first instead of ordering over
the web!
jen
shinypenny
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
> That sounds like a neat alternative and I do feel stupid for spending
> so much money and not having anything seriously fabulous to show for
> it... I don't really budget myself which is why I got a fright the
> other day when I added up my spending on shoes and clothes over the
> past few months...
>
Meant to add that I motivate myself to save by reminding myself that I
would like to continue looking fabulous and fashionable *after* I
retire. There are a lot of great looking, fashionable 60+ somethings I
see every day that help me to keep this in mind.
jen
laurasross
run by you.
Laura
"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" <pene...@rescueteam.com> wrote in message
news:1108582130.2...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
julia...@yahoo.com
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
> When I've told people I'm close to of this decision, they were all
> surprised that I would remove such a big pasttime out of my life
> overnight like that. So, really, I don't know how I'm going to cope
> when the 'need to shop' hits me.
>
substituting fitness activities for some of your shopping time. I find
it very helpful to think about the improvement in my appearance gained
from spending 4-5 hours per week exercising vs. the benefit that would
come from spending that time shopping.
Julianne X
Jamie
Thanks, Penelope,
I appreciate your commiseration, but on the other hand, my husband always
says (since I became a mom) "Go buy yourself something; you never do", which
is classic man doublespeak for "You really need something new to wear."
Just to make it clear - he does not give me permission to shop, but when I
do, he is really glad!
I, too, love clothes and fashion (not to a fault right now because I'm
slammed with motherhood) but, I think the fact that I do constrain my
shopping is probably why I CAN bear to pay full price for things and not
feel a bit guilty. Does that make sense? And I'm not suggesting that you
should ratchet back to my level at all! That would be just too harsh! It
certainly offended my sensibilities at first. But I think, whatever limit
you set, you try not to worry about all of the things you may be missing and
just try to be pleased with the items that you do find.
Jamie
Jamie
"shinypenny" <shinype...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1108587400....@l41g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
This is a really cool idea!
JZ
Timm...@comcast.net
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
> I spend loads of time and money buying clothes and shoes. Mostly by
> checking out sales at chains like BCBG, Banana Republic, Bebe and J.
> Crew and department stores like Saks and Neimans. I also buy lots of
> stuff on Ebay, where I get European designer items and vintage stuff,
> and I regularly visit Filene's Basement in search of interesting
> designer bargains.
>
> In fact, I buy so much stuff that I now (a) don't have room for it,
> and, worse and quite sad, (b) no longer really derive much pleasure
> from shopping.
>
> I recently cleared out three large bin liner-sized bags of clothes
from
> my closet and could easily have set more stuff aside for charity,
based
> simply on how little of the clothes I own I actually love and value.
>
> I also recently calculated that I spend between $500 and $2000 a
month
> on this stuff.
Why not put all that money away and have a fantastic holiday?
Von.
Timm...@comcast.net
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
> I spend loads of time and money buying clothes and shoes. Mostly by
> checking out sales at chains like BCBG, Banana Republic, Bebe and J.
> Crew and department stores like Saks and Neimans. I also buy lots of
> stuff on Ebay, where I get European designer items and vintage stuff,
> and I regularly visit Filene's Basement in search of interesting
> designer bargains.
>
> In fact, I buy so much stuff that I now (a) don't have room for it,
> and, worse and quite sad, (b) no longer really derive much pleasure
> from shopping.
>
> I recently cleared out three large bin liner-sized bags of clothes
from
> my closet and could easily have set more stuff aside for charity,
based
> simply on how little of the clothes I own I actually love and value.
>
> I also recently calculated that I spend between $500 and $2000 a
month
> on this stuff.
Why not put all that money away and have a fantastic holiday?
Von.
>
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
signed up for the gym after a 2-year hiatus. I'm still feeling
battered from Monday's kickboxing class, but it's a good feeling!
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
I'd rather stay at home!
Claire in SF
In the original post you said you no longer really derive much pleasure from
shopping, but on the other hand you are still driven to check out the shops
every few weeks? Do you derive pleasure from checking out the shops, or is
it simply habit? Maybe you still do get some pleasure from shopping, but
just a lot less than before, comparatively speaking. If that is the case it
does make it sound like an addiction in which you are "chasing the high" so
to speak. It's good you aren't spending yourself into debt, but then as you
say it's not really fulfilling, it's just maintaining your habit I guess. It
would be more satisfying to you to find something that is fulfilling and
meaningful to you and then you will naturally replace shopping (and other
things) with it. Expand the edges of your envelope and see if anything
clicks. I woulnd't want to make specific recommendations since I have no
idea what motivates and interests you. But you've no doubt arranged your
life so that you can regularly spend time (hours?) shopping on a regular
basis so you'll need to find a meaningful substitute for that activity. You
could start by booking yourself up so that you don't have the time to shop.
Claire
karen+ang
On 2/17/05 7:34 AM, in article 4213d5a2$1...@newspeer2.tds.net, "Jamie"
<zuschlag...@tds.net> wrote:
> But I think, whatever limit
> you set, you try not to worry about all of the things you may be missing and
> just try to be pleased with the items that you do find.
I'm on a shopping moratorium and no, I'm not a sales person, but just a
shopping person. If I like, I buy was my previous mantra. So in a way, I'm
worse? Because I wouldn't think twice about paying full price.
Anyway, I digress. I would like to say whatever Jamie said above is my
current mantra, not only for shopping, but for everything in my life right
now, including relationships. It really makes me a more contented and
happier person.
karen
MaureyL
back to the states during my Feb half term break so this thread is
staying with me! Here are my resolutions:
1. To just pay for maintenance things... hair color, leg wax, etc.
2. To do some things "at home", i.e. pedicure... it's not that
important when it's still so wintery outside. When summer comes
getting a professional to do the job makes more sense.
3. no new clothes, fragrance or makeup until my birthday in May. I
have more than I need anyway!
Let's see how I get on!
Fingers crossed....