In article <YJKU6.71572$t12.5795...@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>,
Conrad Dunkerson <conrad.dunker...@worldnet.att.net> wrote an awful lot
of erudite stuff about funny demons with whips (snipped):

What is all this obsession with Balrogs? I see some looney is even
writing a thesis on the damn things!

Is it all some sort of adolescent psycho-sexual wish-fulfilling fantasy
to compensate for a lack of normal healthy heterosexual activity in
young boys?

What would a good psychoanalyst (or should that be "psycho-analist"?)
make of it I wonder? Let us speculate:

"Pleeze lie down my boy und tell me ze first zing zat comes into your
mind venn I schpeek zeeze vordz und phrazes:

"RED TONGUE?"

"Moist"

"WINGS?"

"Knickers"

"FLAME?"

"Lick"

"IT FELT LARGER THAN IT LOOKED?"

"Penis"

"THONG?"

"Whip me"

"GANDALF THRUSTS THE BALROG?"

"Bottom"

"BLACK WEB?"

"Pussy"

"GOBLIN?"

"Suck"

"SPREAD FROM WALL TO WALL?"

"Thighs"

"WHIP?"

"With their thongs of flame the Balrogs smote the quivering flesh of the
young maiden's hot thighs"

"A von vord answer vill suffice, my boy!"

"Opps, er, um, sorry Docter, I seem to have made a mess in my pants."

"Don't vorry, my boy, all my patients do zat."

"Can you help me Docter?"

"Your case iz very serious", said the Docter, stroking his beard.
"Tell me, do you masturbate a lot?"

"Well, I er, um.."

"I thought so. Tell me, do you love your mother?"

"She left me in a cardboard box at a Tolkien convention when I was two.
I haven't seen her since."

"Und your farzer?"

"He left my mother when she started going to Tolkien conventions."

"Zat explains a lot"

"What Have I got, Docter, tell me?"

"Zat is easy, my boy. It is as clear a case of arrested sexual
development as I have come across."

"Is there a cure, Docter?"

"Only one."

"Yes?!"

"Get yourself a nice girlfriend and stop reading about Balrogs."

"Thank you Docter!"

"You are velcome - zat vill be two hundred und tventy dollars und sixty-
sthree cents zat you owe me. Please pay Ms Viplash on your way out."
--
Bingo Bracegirdle