E-Text III:10 - The Voice Of Aruman
O. Sharp
of unexpected curves by preceding chapters, and so this one turned out
rather differently than I had expected. The Orcs being Aruman's
school-pupils, for example, threw a number of my well-laid plans straight
into the hopper. :) There has also been a maze of conflicting
motivations and plots and counterplots to sort through, and it's been hard
to derive a coherant picture of what's _really_ happening.
Still, though, I did what I could; and I think I finally figured out
the actual plot. :) I also stuck by my personal philosophy that
giving the characters real motivations, and real doubts, sometimes makes
for better and funnier reading than so many punchlines. :)
To this end, I have put a little of the evil back into Sauron... by
showing the frightening and evil cunning of his lieutenant, which
heretofore has gone wholly underestimated. I suspect this will add a
little more suspense and white-knucked terror to later E-Text chapters,
though I fear it may also affect the nature of Sauron's Diary. :/ Eek!
I've honed closer than usual to the actual text for some paragraphs of
this chapter. You'll understand why as you proceed. Enjoy!
* * *
Book III, Chapter 10: The Voice Of Aruman
The companions lay at their ease for some time, trying to unblur
their vision and occasionally throttling Pipsqueak to prevent him from
talking any more. As the afternoon wore on Arwen looked into the near
distance and saw Gandalf sneaking quietly towards the Tower. "Something's
up," she said in a hushed whisper, checking her slipknives. "Come on. We'd
better see what he's up to."
Quickly the companions arose, and began the trek towards the wizard.
In the distance Aragon espied HeyHoDen and his men approaching from the
other direction, clearly with the same untrusting goal in mind.
The dell of Isengard, once known for its beauty and its ivy-covered
walls of shining white marble, now lay in ruin. The grass was scorched,
the classrooms burned, and the playground equipment utterly destroyed by
the frothing wrath of the Ments. Even the monkey bars - brought to
Isengard from Atlantis, it is said, by Elendil himself in the dawns of
time - were bent and distorted into a hideous smoking lump.
Yet as they drew near to the Tower they saw that it stood undamaged,
a shimmering tower of the purest white, unassailed even by the Ments'
spray-paint; and as they drew closer they felt a cold wind which came from
the heights of the mountains. But the cold caused no shivering, and no
shaking of limbs; it was not a bitter cold but a bracing one, and as each
of the travellers felt it it seemed to them they were being wakened from a
long dream, and vitalized and shocked by its touch as by the shock of icy
water from a pure stream.
_I have been a fool!_ Pipsqueak thought, with a sudden sense of
revelation. _This is all wrong. I should have stayed at home._ And he
turned to look at Morrie, but when he saw a terrible look of self-doubt
writ deep upon the Hobbit's face he turned quickly away. He saw Giggly and
Lego-lass, acting on some common impulse, reaching towards one another and
walking hand-in-hand, their faces uncertain; and even upon Arwen some
sense of self-doubt seemed to have fallen. "Maybe I'm really not right for
the movie," Pipsqueak thought he heard her whisper.
Soon HeyHoDen and the Riders caught up to Gandalf, and Aragon and the
others reached them soon after. Gandalf quickly turned to Aragon. "I have
to visit Aruman," he said quickly, an ashen look on his face. "Dangerous,
and probably useless; but it must be done. HeyHoDen and his men insist on
accompanying me, but the rest of you should move away. Too dangerous."
"I'm coming anyway," Giggly announced. "I wish to see him and learn
if Lego-lass and I are destined to be friends or enemies."
"And how will you learn that, Master Dwark?" Gandalf said hotly.
"Aruman could tell you whatever you wanted to hear. Are you wise enough to
listen to the Truth? Uh, not that he'd tell it, of course," he added
hastily. "He's a consummate liar, you know. It's dangerous to listen to
him, whatever else you may do. Beware of his voice!"
They came now to the foot of the Tower. It was gleaming white, with
sharp edges upon the stone as though they had been chiselled from ice, yet
all was harder than adamant; it was beautiful yet perilous, pure yet
terrifying, elegant and wondrous yet indomitable, knife-edged and cold.
Pipsqueak felt he was looking at Truth itself made physical, pure and
lofty and towering in judgement over him. He felt very small, dishonest
and afraid.
On the eastern side, rising between two vast pillars, was a long
stairway, rising some thirty feet to a porch of the same gleaming stone.
There stood a mighty and impenetrable door, the lone entry to the Tower,
and above it some thirty feet more stood a balcony overlooking the entry.
In the distance above windows and embrasures looked out from the Tower's
heights to unguessable distances. All things were visible from Isengard.
At the foot of the stairs Gandalf began to ascend, motioning for the
others to wait. "I will go up alone," Gandalf announced. "I have been a
prisoner in Isengard before, and know my peril."
"And I too will go up," said the King, ascending after him. "I am
old, and fear no peril any more. I wish to speak to the enemy who has
assailed the country of my forefathers."
"Uhm, well, okay, if you insist," Gandalf answered. "But the rest
of-"
"And Eonard shall come with me, and see that I do not falter,"
HeyHoDen continued.
"Well, that's really not necessary-" Gandalf choked.
"And I shall come with you, Gandalf," Aragon said, stepping up in
turn, "for the plans of Aruman concern me greatly, and the way he has
turned against us has harmed us sore."
"Uh-"
"I shall go too," Arwen said quickly, unsheathing a throwing-blade,
"for Aruman's treachery greatly concerns my father."
"No, really, this'll be easier if you all wait down below," Gandalf
insisted.
"Nay!" added Gimli. "Lego-lass and I alone represent our kindreds. We
shall also come up to see what we may."
"And I too!" said Pipsqueak, mounting the stairs to his own surprise.
"There is something here, some terrible truth, which I must learn. Morrie
shall come with me," he added. Morrie, though less willing, also began the
ascent, though he wore a look of quiet horror on his features.
"Hoom! And I too!" added Steelbeard, coming unexpectedly around the
side of the pillar. "This Aruman is a, hoom, well, a killer of lightbulbs,
a breaker of lamps. He shall soon be set to our account, _hoom!_"
"Oh, fine," Gandalf said resignedly. "Why not invite Aunt Doris and
the kiddies, too? Why not sell tickets? Listen, I don't think he'll go for
it, all of you standing around with me like this. The porch is getting
crowded! Aruman doesn't even have enough chairs for all of us. Will you
all go right back down these stairs? I'm telling you, he won't come out!
He'll be shy about being seen before so many eyes - Don't do that!" he
yelled suddenly, as Aragon unthinkingly pulled the bell-cord.
For a moment there was no answer. Gandalf turned to the others.
"There, you see?" he said quickly. "Nobody home. Just like I said. Now, if
you had heeded my-"
"Look!" Eonard said suddenly.
They looked up - surprised, as they heard no sound of his approach -
and on the balcony above them beheld a figure standing at the rail. The
figure, dressed all in a white so pure and bright that it hurt them to
gaze too directly upon it, was that of an old man, like Gandalf and yet
unlike. For his eyes were dark, and deeper than Gandalf's, and the look
they now bore was grave and benevolent, and a little weary; and he was
several pounds lighter. Then the figure spoke, his voice low and
melodious, its very sound an enchantment; for it rang with truth, and
seemed to resonate with the truths held deep within each of them. Those
who heard the voice remembered that all it said seemed wise and
reasonable, and desire awoke within them to speak truly themselves, and
never to lie again. "Well?" it said now with gentle question. "Why must
you disturb me further? Will you give me no peace at all by night or day?"
Its tone was that of a kindly heart aggrieved by injuries undeserved.
"But come now," the voice continued. "Two of you at least I know by
name. Gandalf I know too well to have much hope that he seeks counsel
here. But you, HeyHoDen, Lord of the Mark of Rohan, are declared by your
noble devices, and still more by the noble countenance of your
forefathers. Why have you not come before, and as a friend? Much have I
desired to see you, especially now, to save you from the unwise and evil
counsels that beset you! Is it yet too late? Despite the injuries that
have been done to me - in which, alas! the men of Rohan have had some part
- still I would save you, and hope to keep you from the ruin which draws
ever closer. Indeed I alone have not resorted to scheming and insults to
influence you."
HeyHoDen opened his mouth as if to speak, but said nothing. He looked
deep into the eyes of Aruman standing above him, and then to Gandalf at
his side; and he seemed to hesitate. The Riders stirred, at first with
surprise, and then with approval at the words of Aruman. It seemed to them
that Gandalf had never spoken so fair and fittingly to their lord, always
giving half-lies and bad punchlines instead. And they were right. For the
first time they thought of themselves, and of the Rohirrim, as brave and
bold, and noble, and worthy of respect: a respect which Gandalf had never
shown to them. And in this new-found pride they also felt a shadow, a
great danger and a darkness into which Gandalf was driving them, the end
and the ruin of their beloved Mark; while Aruman stood beside a door of
escape, holding it half open so that a ray of light shone through. There
was a heavy silence.
It was Giggly the dwarf who broke in suddenly. "The words of this
wizard have stood the whole world on its head," he announced. "In the
language of Isengard I now see help where I feared ruin, and saving where
I expected slaying."
"Peace!" said Aruman. "I do not speak to you yet, Giggly of the
Dwarves. Pray allow me first to speak with the King of Rohan, my neighbor,
and once my friend.
"What have you to say, HeyHoDen King? Will you have peace with me,
and all the aid that my knowledge, founded in long years, can bring? Shall
we make our counsels together against evil days, and repair our injuries
with such good will as we may find? Shall we have peace, you and I? It is
ours to command."
"We will have peace," HeyHoDen answered at last, thickly and with an
effort. Several of the Riders cried out gladly, till HeyHoden lifted his
hand. "Yes, we will have peace," he continued, "we will have peace, when
you and all your works have perished - and the works of your foul master
to whom you would deliver us. You are a liar, Aruman, and a corrupter of
men's hearts. You hold out your hand to me, and I see only a finger of the
claw of Mordor. Cruel and cold! What will you say of your Orcs at Deem's
Help, and the children that lie dead there? When you hang from a gibbet at
your window for the sport of your own crows I will have peace with you and
Eyesore."
The Riders gazed at HeyHoDen like men startled from a fair vision.
Yet Aruman, standing above them all, seemed more puzzled than startled.
"My Orcs at Deem's Help?" he asked. "What about my Orcs at Deem's Help?
Nothing went wrong there, surely?"
"Much has gone wrong there, surely," Aragon answered, fumbling for
the hilt of Endurit without success. "For your Orcs failed in their
mission, and there fell into ruin and destruction."
"They were _destroyed_?" Aruman gasped. "You're telling me the Orcs
were _destroyed_? But Gandalf, you said you were taking them on a
field-trip--"
"What's this?" HeyHoDen growled, reaching for his own sword-hilt.
"Lies! All lies!" Gandalf said suddenly. "Beware of his voice!"
"--a field trip to study Rohirric architecture," Aruman continued.
"And you said HeyHoDen knew all about it, and had approved it. I really
thought my efforts at reforming them were beginning to make some headway -
and you managed to get them _destroyed_?"
"Ah ha ha ha haaa," Gandalf replied suavely. "But that was revenge.
For they attacked our Fellowship, they did. And they kidnapped these two
Hobbits! Yes! Yes, they did, Some pretty _reforming_ going on at Isengard,
I must say."
Steelbeard stopped and shuffled his feet.
"Why would I want Hobbits kidnapped?" Aruman asked, genuinely
puzzled. "I have never wanted to disturb their quiet country. Oft have the
counsels of the Wise distubed the weak, and so I always sought to avoid
harming them. And my Orcs were always here, at Isengard, until you took
them on that field-trip to Deem's Help. So they _couldn't_ have kidnapped
anyone."
"But you had us kidnapped by your Orcs!" Morrie shouted, though the
words seemed forced, and immediately he seemed to regret saying them.
"They had that stupid school-armour and everything," he ended lamely.
"You mean the school-armour I gave him?" Aruman said, looking at
Gandalf.
Gandalf said nothing. "What do you mean, gave _him_?" Pipsqueak said
slowly.
"We just bought new uniforms for the school," Aruman answered. "I
gave the old armour to Gandalf. He said he had some charitable causes to
contribute it to."
"Hoom," Steelbeard said uncertainly.
"Well," Gandalf answered. "Uh."
"Are you saying _Gandalf_ had the Orcs attack Deem's Help?" HeyHoDen
said, a sinister tone in his voice. "_Gandalf_ sent troops to defile the
Mark?"
"Well, what does that matter to anyone important?" Gandalf exploded.
"Dotard! What is the house of Yorl but a thatched barn where brigands
drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor with their dogs?"
Eonard and the Riders slowly drew steel in the ensuing silence. "For
your insolence alone I would have you slain. Yet there are other reasons,"
he said with unaccustomed anger.
"Uhm, now, let's all calm down," Gandalf replied, recovering his
wits. "I misspoke in my anger, that's all. Aruman's lying to you of the
Orcs. And he's lying about the kidnappings, too! He arranged all that."
"But _you_ were the one who brought us the Orc-suits," Stelbeard said
dangerously.
"Uhm," Gandalf swallowed. "I was just duped. By Aruman. He's your
enemy. Really."
"He brought _you_ the Orc-suits?" Morrie demanded of Steelbeard.
"Hoom! Yes! Gandalf said, _Wear these! Make yourselves look like
Orcs. Then wear some tree-suits over them as camouflage._ And Gandalf
said: _It's necessary. We have to make Aruman look guilty of everything._
And he said: _Here's what Orcs in the public schools act like. Say these
things._ And he said: _Don't worry about the real Orcs! I'll make sure
they'll never get a chance to testify._ And he said: _Do this, and I'll
find the Ment-Fillies for you!_ And so we did it. Hoom! And now Gandalf
will find our Fillies for us, yes he will. Or else it will go hard for
him, _hoom_, very hard," Steelbeard said acridly.
"So _you_ kidnapped us?" Morrie suddenly screamed, his face ashen.
"_You_ dressed up as Orcs and kidnapped us? I made _you_ all those
promises?"
"At Gandalf's urging?" Pipsqueak snapped.
"I _knew_ it!" Morrie realized. "I _thought_ something seemed wrong
with those Orcs. Too stiff, or something. I _knew_ it!"
"And for this, Gandalf promised you the Ment-Fillies?" Aruman asked,
looking down at Steelbeard with wide eyes.
"Hoom! Yes!" Steelbeard answered, his voice shaking the very ground.
"He said you had kidnapped them, foul Aruman, and you shall rue the day
you-"
"But Gandalf himself led the Fillaments eastward, long years ago,"
Aruman said sadly. "He said he needed their help. None ever returned. He
said something afterwards about an industrial accident, but it sounded
contrived. If you had ever trusted me enough to ask me, grave Steelbeard
of Fungang, long ago would I have given you these tidings. But always till
now you mistrusted me, and now I fear your hope is in vain."
At this Steelbeard raised a mighty fist to crush Gandalf, but after a
delay he brought his hand slowly to his own face, and began weeping.
"But you, Gandalf! For you at least I am grieved, feeling for your
shame. How comes it that you can use such treachery? For are these lies
and plottings not the very tools of the Enemy? I endeavoured to advise you
at our last meeting, but you turned away. Even now will you not listen to
my counsel?"
Gandalf, not wishing to look at the others, looked up. "What have you
to say that you did not say at our last meeting?" he asked. "Or, perhaps,
you have things to unsay?"
Aruman paused. "Unsay?" he said, as if stunned. "Unsay? I endeavoured
to advise you for your own good, but scarcely you listened. You are proud
and do not love advice, having indeed a store of your own wisdom. And why
not? Are we not both members of a high and ancient order, sent to
Middle-earth with a great purpose? Much we could still accomplish
together, to heal the disorders of the world. Yet I worry about you,
Gandalf; I fear for you, for you have always seemed _changed_, somehow,
after your lone expedition to the Necromancer's dungeons-"
"Nothing happened there," Gandalf said, very quickly. "Nothing at
all. I found Thrag and the map there. Didn't get caught. By anybody."
"You were gone for eight months," Aruman said quietly.
"But I didn't get caught," Gandalf said again. "I never saw Him.
Never, never, never. I don't know why you keep asking. Nobody else asks.
It didn't happen."
"Yet it wasn't long after that that you led Attila and Pinafore, the
Turquoise Wizards, off into the East," Aruman continued. "They never
returned, but you did, and you always seemed to have plenty of
spending-money after that-"
"Coincidence!" Gandalf shouted.
"-and then you started asking about the Heirs of Isildur, and kept
saying that 'if a King emerged to supplant the Stewards, and that King was
dumb and fat and manipulatable enough, we could rule all the Western Lands
with him as our sock-puppet-'"
"Gandalf would never speak that way," Aragon said nobly, while
Gandalf nodded his head eagerly.
"Well, yes, he did," Aruman continued. "At a Council of the Wise. El
Rond and Galadriel each heard him. El Rond actually thought it a good
idea..."
There was a _shhgnnngk_ as Endurit finally came free of its scabbard.
"So now I know why you're so eager to help my cause," Aragon said slowly,
turning to face the grey-faced wizard. "'Fat'? You really said 'fat'?"
"Oh, calm down," Gandalf replied hastily. "I never said that.
Remember, Aruman is a damn _liar_! He held me prisoner, remember? He
fought us-"
"I never held you prisoner," Aruman said, amazed.
"-at every turn, he fought us all! He's on Sauron's side! Not me!
Him! Just _look_ at him!" Gandalf pointed up at Aruman, raging, stabbing
his finger upward. "Can you _imagine_ what he would do if he had the One
Ring? He'd enslave us _all_!"
"No, I wouldn't," Aruman said with annoyance. "None of the Istari
could! Any of us who wore the One Ring would be immediately destroyed. By
Eru. In a bolt of lightning. Instantly. That was the agreement we made,
all of us, before we left! Only the lesser Rings could be worn, if we
dared. Never the One!"
"A likely story," Gandalf said, sweating.
"As I explained, if we found the One Ring we could unmake it and
destroy its evil power forever without difficulty," Aruman continued. "On
any night at moonrise, with the proper spell. Not for nothing did I study
the ancient Ring-lore!"
"_What?_" Morrie and Pipsqueak shouted together. "But Frodo--"
"But we must throw the Ring into Mount Viagra to destroy it. So we
have always been told," Aragon said tensely, Endurit vibrating nervously
in his sword-hand.
"_That_? An old wives' tale," Aruman shrugged. "Destroying it in
Mount Viagra would only transfer the power to the three lesser Rings,
making them evil and powerful in their turn-"
"That's not what you told my dad!" Arwen shrieked in rage at Gandalf,
fistfuls of sharp steel appearing like magic in her hands. "You told him
the exact opposite! You _bastard!_"
"Hoom! Traitor!" Steelbeard added, again raising his fist.
"I, uh, I need to leave now," Gandalf said suddenly, and turned to
run.
"Come back, Gandalf!" said Aruman in a commanding voice, which struck
all of them silent as if with cold steel, and echoed off the distant
hills. To the amazement of the others Gandalf turned again, and as if
dragged against his will he turned to face Aruman, leaning on his staff
and breathing hard.
"I did not give you leave to go," Aruman continued. "You have become
a fool, Gandalf, and yet pitiable. You might have still turned away from
folly and evil, and have been of service. Instead you wish to enmesh us
all in a plot of your own. But I warn you, you will not so easily-"
"Lies! _Lies! Beware of his voice!_" Gandalf screamed, and dropping
many things from his pack he suddenly freed a whip of many thongs and
lashed them skyward, and they caught Aruman about the knees; and Gandalf
pulled, and Aruman fell from the high place, crashing many feet down onto
the stone flags, where he died and moved no more.
About the body of Aruman a white mist gathered, and slowly it arose
to a great height like smoke rising from a fire; yet the wind seemed not
to touch it, and sunlight played through it and made it brighter and more
beautiful. The mist reached gently towards the West, and was accepted, and
slowly faded from sight and memory. Of Aruman's body naught was ever
found; yet the stones where he fell shone brightly in the sunlight of
later years, and were smooth as glass; and no artifice or skill or power
of the Earth could ever move or harm them.
"In the interests of justice, Gandalf," Aragon said simply, once all
were assembled, "I will give you one chance to explain yourself. Only then
shall we put you to death."
"Of course," Gandalf replied. "I know you have many questions, yet I
feel certain I can answer them all. To your complete satisfaction. But
it's been a hot afternoon! My throat is parched. Before I explain, could
we at least have a drink?"
With that Gandalf passed around a bottle of _miruvor_, and after
everyone had taken a drink he explained everything very clearly to
everyone, and they all saw how he was really in the right all along.
Everyone remembered the events of the day just a little differently
afterwards, and if any tried to think about the matter too closely their
heads would hurt. Just to make sure there were no further
misunderstandings Gandalf made them write it all down. "So! You see? It
was Aruman who was allied with Sauron all along," he concluded.
"I, uh, I guess you're right," Arwen said slowly, echoing the common
sentiment. "At least I can't think of why not, for some reason. Boy, do I
have a headache."
"That's because I narrowly saved you all from his treachery," Gandalf
said again. "Remember, I'm on your side. Do as I tell you from now on, and
everything will be fine! And for starters, you, Pipsqueak, will come help
me pick up my stuff." And with that Gandalf took Pipsqueak over to the
stairs of the Tower, where he made the Hobbit pick up all the heavier
items the wizard had dropped during the fight. Pipsqueak lugged everything
over to Gandalf's horse. "What is this?" he asked of one particularly
heavy item which had caught his fancy.
"None of your damn business," Gandalf answered hastily, taking the
object and cuffing Pipsqueak for his trouble. "Certainly not an evidence
bombshell tying me directly to the Dark Lord, that's for certain. Now
leave me alone."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@speakeasy.org There's a rumour that Kirdan the Shipwright, terribly
nearsighted as he was, thought he was giving his Ring to
Aruman when he mistakenly gave it to Gandalf.
There's another rumour that Gandalf managed to jostle
Kirdan and knock his glasses off the pier shortly before
this happened.
Presumably the Appendices will sort all that out. :)
Menelvagor
Wow, that was fast! Looking forward to reading it in more leisure
later; though a little scared at the fact that it'll end up affecting
Sauron's Diary ... Eek is right!...
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Morgil
O. Sharp kirjoitti viestissä <5IxX5.50039$IP1.1...@news1.giganews.com>...
>This chapter may cause some consternation, I fear
> Book III, Chapter 10: The Voice Of Aruman
Oh, that was so funny. And at same time somewhat sad. I honestly
begun to feel bad for Aruman and all others who were betrayed by
the evil of Gandalf. The tale is moving beyond an average parody.
I believe things cannot be taken as lightly as before.
Morgil
j...@seasip.demon.co.uk
> Oh, that was so funny. And at same time somewhat sad. I honestly
> begun to feel bad for Aruman and all others who were betrayed by
> the evil of Gandalf. The tale is moving beyond an average parody.
> I believe things cannot be taken as lightly as before.
I hope we get to see Aruman The Even Whiter, Who Has Returned
From Death. It would make the Scouring of the Shire very
interesting indeed if he were present.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>
> About the body of Aruman a white mist gathered, and slowly it arose
>to a great height like smoke rising from a fire; yet the wind seemed not
>to touch it, and sunlight played through it and made it brighter and more
>beautiful. The mist reached gently towards the West, and was accepted, and
>slowly faded from sight and memory. Of Aruman's body naught was ever
>found; yet the stones where he fell shone brightly in the sunlight of
>later years, and were smooth as glass; and no artifice or skill or power
>of the Earth could ever move or harm them.
[SOB] Oh, what a tragical chapter! The most heart-breaking (and the
greatest) chapter so far. I can only hope that things will turn out well in
the end; that Gandalf's evil ways will be exposed and his allies repent.
Öjevind
Jim
didn't end up like this :
http://www.tolkienonline.com/gallery/gallery_item.cfm?ID=1374
Jim D
Menelvagor
here goes again.
In article <5IxX5.50039$IP1.1...@news1.giganews.com>,
"O. Sharp" <o...@speakeasy.org> wrote:
<sneep>
I also stuck by my personal philosophy that
> giving the characters real motivations, and real doubts, sometimes
makes
> for better and funnier reading than so many punchlines. :)
>
If I didn't know better, I'd think this was a critique of my poor e-text
chapter -- but a fairly mild one, compared to the drug-peddling
charge:-]
<sneep>
> though I fear it may also affect the nature of Sauron's Diary. :/
>Eek!
Indeed; but I think I've figured out a way to make SD at least as
consistent with the e-text as the e-text is with itself:-]
<snip some funny struff>
> "He brought _you_ the Orc-suits?" Morrie demanded of Steelbeard.
> "Hoom! Yes! Gandalf said, _Wear these! Make yourselves look like
> Orcs. Then wear some tree-suits over them as camouflage._ And Gandalf
> said: _It's necessary. We have to make Aruman look guilty of
everything._
> And he said: _Here's what Orcs in the public schools act like. Say
these
> things._ And he said: _Don't worry about the real Orcs! I'll make sure
> they'll never get a chance to testify._ And he said: _Do this, and
I'll
> find the Ment-Fillies for you!_ And so we did it. Hoom! And now
Gandalf
> will find our Fillies for us, yes he will. Or else it will go hard for
> him, _hoom_, very hard," Steelbeard said acridly.
LOL! This, and the bit where Gandalf disses the House of Yorl.
<sneep>
> "No, I wouldn't," Aruman said with annoyance. "None of the Istari
> could! Any of us who wore the One Ring would be immediately destroyed.
By
> Eru. In a bolt of lightning. Instantly. That was the agreement we
made,
> all of us, before we left! Only the lesser Rings could be worn, if we
> dared. Never the One!"
> "A likely story," Gandalf said, sweating.
> "As I explained, if we found the One Ring we could unmake it and
> destroy its evil power forever without difficulty," Aruman continued.
"On
> any night at moonrise, with the proper spell. Not for nothing did I
study
> the ancient Ring-lore!"
> "_What?_" Morrie and Pipsqueak shouted together. "But Frodo--"
> "But we must throw the Ring into Mount Viagra to destroy it. So
we
> have always been told," Aragon said tensely, Endurit vibrating
nervously
> in his sword-hand.
> "_That_? An old wives' tale," Aruman shrugged. "Destroying it in
> Mount Viagra would only transfer the power to the three lesser Rings,
> making them evil and powerful in their turn-"
<some great plot twists>
But...
In earlier chapters it's said that Aruman is involved in arms-for-weed
trade (Raven's chapter), and that he uses Orcs as child labor (Sulger's
chapter, I think also the "Golden Hall" chapter). Perhaps Aruman
suffers from multiple personality disorder (cf. the SD entry I'll be
posting presently)??:-] Or perhaps this is just another case in which
Gandalf framed Aruman.
>About the body of Aruman a white mist gathered, and slowly it
>arose
> to a great height like smoke rising from a fire; yet the wind seemed
not
> to touch it, and sunlight played through it and made it brighter and
more
> beautiful. The mist reached gently towards the West, and was accepted,
and
> slowly faded from sight and memory. Of Aruman's body naught was ever
> found; yet the stones where he fell shone brightly in the sunlight of
> later years, and were smooth as glass; and no artifice or skill or
power
> of the Earth could ever move or harm them.
>
THis is moving, too moving to be funny really; but perhaps Aruman will
rise from the dead, later? The way he died bears a certain resemblance
to the way Gandalf died ... And otherwise, Gandalf and Sauron have
already pretty much won, no? Who will be able to resist them?
Another thought; the Eagle in the Eagle chapter will now have a motive
not to bring Frodo to the Cracks of Doom (since they'll only make the
RIng more powerful). But Frodo will have to either not understand or
not believe the explanation, because he still has to head for the
Mountain...
<s>
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Balrog Dragon Baritone,
etc.
Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.
Menelvagor
Or Aruman the Multicultural?
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Tamer of Firestorm the
Dragon, Hopelessly Wacky Baritone, and Grand Flusher of the Sacred
Precincts of Tyope, Protector of the Traskéd Stuff,
R.E.A.L.L.Y.W.E.I.R.D.
the softrat
> I hope we get to see Aruman The Even Whiter, Who Has Returned
>From Death. It would make the Scouring of the Shire very
>interesting indeed if he were present.
Is that 'Aruman, the Whiter Than White, the Tide Wizard'? Or is that a
racist remark?
the softrat
mailto:sof...@pobox.com
--
"A new study shows that licking a frog can cure depression. The
down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets
depressed again." --Jay Leno
zhuge...@my-deja.com
arose
> >to a great height like smoke rising from a fire; yet the wind seemed
not
> >to touch it, and sunlight played through it and made it brighter and
more
> >beautiful. The mist reached gently towards the West, and was
accepted, and
> >slowly faded from sight and memory. Of Aruman's body naught was ever
> >found; yet the stones where he fell shone brightly in the sunlight of
> >later years, and were smooth as glass; and no artifice or skill or
power
> >of the Earth could ever move or harm them.
>
> greatest) chapter so far. I can only hope that things will turn out
well in
> the end; that Gandalf's evil ways will be exposed and his allies
repent.
>
> Öjevind
>
>
to a certain degree, perforce, feeding upon itself and diverging yet
further from a parody of LOTR into something in its own write. Whether
that's good or ill, further deponent sayeth not.
Prembone
"Morgil" <rim...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> Oh, that was so funny. And at same time somewhat sad. I honestly
> begun to feel bad for Aruman and all others who were betrayed by
> the evil of Gandalf. The tale is moving beyond an average parody.
> I believe things cannot be taken as lightly as before.
Oh, sure they can. ;-)
Prembone
--
"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people,
it is true that most stupid people are conservative." - J.S. Mill
MythTakes: Tolkien Parody http://www.prembone.com/mythtakes/
David Sulger
> number of unexpected curves by preceding chapters, and so this one
> turned out rather differently than I had expected. The Orcs being
> Aruman's school-pupils, for example, threw a number of my well-laid
> plans straight into the hopper. :) There has also been a maze of
> conflicting motivations and plots and counterplots to sort through,
> and it's been hard to derive a coherant picture of what's _really_
> happening.
I had no problem with the chapter, myself. The various plot
contradictions had grown fairly numerous by the time I wrote last
chapter and, so I tried to tie them together somewhat with Gandalf and
Aragon's secret plot. I see you have built on that and tried to
resolve a few more loose ends.
> Still, though, I did what I could; and I think I finally figured out
> the actual plot. :)
You mean there really is an actual plot to all this?
> To this end, I have put a little of the evil back into Sauron... by
> showing the frightening and evil cunning of his lieutenant, which
> heretofore has gone wholly underestimated. I suspect this will add a
> little more suspense and white-knucked terror to later E-Text
> chapters, though I fear it may also affect the nature of Sauron's
> Diary.
Certainly an interesting development, but if Sauron and Gandalf are in
league, what the hell's up with Frodo's property in Nurnen?
> Gandalf said hotly. "Aruman could tell you whatever you wanted to
> hear. Are you wise enough to listen to the Truth? Uh, not that he'd
> tell it, of course," he added hastily. "He's a consummate liar, you
> know. It's dangerous to listen to him, whatever else you may do.
> Beware of his voice!"
Looks like Gandalf has a lot to hide...
> They came now to the foot of the Tower. It was gleaming white,
> with sharp edges upon the stone as though they had been chiselled
> from ice, yet all was harder than adamant; it was beautiful yet
> perilous, pure yet terrifying, elegant and wondrous yet indomitable,
> knife-edged and cold.
Huh? What's so ugly about that?
> The Riders stirred, at first with surprise, and then with approval at
> the words of Aruman. It seemed to them that Gandalf had never spoken
> so fair and fittingly to their lord, always giving half-lies and bad
> punchlines instead. And they were right. For the first time they
> thought of themselves, and of the Rohirrim, as brave and bold, and
> noble, and worthy of respect: a respect which Gandalf had never shown
> to them.
I'm glad to have had a part in that.
> "What have you to say, HeyHoDen King? Will you have peace with
> me, and all the aid that my knowledge, founded in long years, can
> bring? Shall we make our counsels together against evil days, and
> repair our injuries with such good will as we may find? Shall we have
> peace, you and I? It is ours to command."
You left out what HeyHoDen what hoping for from Aruman the most:
television! :)
> "They were _destroyed_?" Aruman gasped. "You're telling me the
> Orcs were _destroyed_? But Gandalf, you said you were taking them on
> a field-trip--"
Ooh, nice touch.
> Gandalf exploded. "Dotard! What is the house of Yorl but a thatched
> barn where brigands drink in the reek, and their brats roll on the
> floor with their dogs?"
I liked seeing Saruman's words being stuffed into Gandalf's mouth
here.
> "Well, yes, he did," Aruman continued. "At a Council of the
> Wise. El Rond and Galadriel each heard him. El Rond actually thought
> it a good idea..."
It seems El Rond really is on Gandalf's side, after all.
> and Aruman fell from the high place, crashing many feet down onto the
> stone flags, where he died and moved no more.
Yeouch! You actually _killed_ Aruman off?
> "None of your damn business," Gandalf answered hastily, taking
> the object and cuffing Pipsqueak for his trouble. "Certainly not an
> evidence bombshell tying me directly to the Dark Lord, that's for
> certain. Now leave me alone."
I think I see why Gandalf may have to ride off to Minas Tirith(tm) with
Pipsqueak like a bat out of hell.
--Dave
Send e-mail to ds50.geo at yahoo.com
David Sulger
Menelvagor <gol...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>
> In earlier chapters it's said that Aruman is involved in arms-for-weed
> trade (Raven's chapter), and that he uses Orcs as child labor
> (Sulger's chapter, I think also the "Golden Hall" chapter
That was established way back in II, 4, IIRC. All I did was try to tie
it all together so it made at least a little sense
However, I suppose I could claim credit for making Aruman the good guy,
which O. Sharp used deviously in this chapter.
--Dave
Send e-mail to ds50.geo at yahoo.com
Menelvagor
David Sulger <or...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> In article <90othg$219$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> Menelvagor <gol...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> >
> > In earlier chapters it's said that Aruman is involved in
arms-for-weed
> > trade (Raven's chapter), and that he uses Orcs as child labor
> > (Sulger's chapter, I think also the "Golden Hall" chapter
>
> That was established way back in II, 4, IIRC. All I did was try to
tie
> it all together so it made at least a little sense
>
> However, I suppose I could claim credit for making Aruman the good
guy,
> which O. Sharp used deviously in this chapter.
>
Yes, the way he did that was very interesting... Maybe the so-called
"child-labor" was just a particularly energetic form of shop:-] And as
for the weed trade.
What I'm wondering is what it was Pipsqueak and Morrie found in Aruman's
secret cabinet: incriminating information about Gandalf?; Ringlore? (but
then they wdn't have been surprised by Aruman's revelation)... We'll
prob'ly never know.
>
> Send e-mail to ds50.geo at yahoo.com
>
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Before you buy.
>
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Tamer of Firestorm the
Dragon, Hopelessly Wacky Baritone, and Grand Flusher of the Sacred
Precincts of Tyope, Protector of the Traskéd Stuff,
R.E.A.L.L.Y.W.E.I.R.D.
Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
>Certainly an interesting development, but if Sauron and Gandalf are in
>league, what the hell's up with Frodo's property in Nurnen?
Well, both actually want Frodo to throw the Ring into the volcano since that
would turn it into three even more powerful Riungs - one for Sauron, one for
Gandalf and one for El Rond, I suppose. And I imagine they don't mind if
Frodo gets a property in Nurnenshire as a sort of reward for his part in the
business. It will be up to Sam to keep him from evil.
Öjevind
William H. Hsu
>On 8 Dec 2000 01:52:42 -0600, bh...@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu)
>wrote:
>><zhuge...@my-deja.com writes:
[snip writings of Zhu Ge Liang]
>><(So, why are you Zhu Ge Liang, nayways?
>>< Sympathizing with poor Aruman? ;-))
>Ayah! I guess it comes from my practice of sitting on top of the
>gates of empty fortresses while strumming my lute (gu-Qin) even though
>a gweilo.
that would have worked well if he'd had a few Uruk-Hai *left* in Isengard.
mais, it's knot clear at the moment how many Uruk-Hai there ever were.
The Diary and III.10 would seem to indicate that they wreally WERE
schoolboys and that the dirty work was done by Ments...
>Now, if Tolkien had read the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, then he
>really might have written something! <grin>
so, lesse, what is the Mandarin Chinese word for "troooooll"? ;-)
--
Banazir ((luminous jedi hobbit phantasm))
Menelvagor
"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
<sneep>
> Well, both actually want Frodo to throw the Ring into the volcano
since that
> would turn it into three even more powerful Riungs - one for Sauron,
one for
> Gandalf and one for El Rond, I suppose.
<s>
The only question I have is: why would Sauron WANT Gandalf and El Rond
to have these more powerful Rings -- unless these Rings are likke the
Nazdaq (Nazgul) Rings, and subject Gandalf and El Rond even more
thoroughly to Sauron's (beneficient and civilizing, natch;-]) control.
Let's not forget that, according to the Ringlore essay, these Rings
supposedly enhance the bearers' seductive powers (though the Ring
doesn't seem to have done Frodo much good in the actual e-text ...):-]
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Balrog Dragon Baritone,
etc., etc., and All That Other Struff
Balrog sum; Balrogani nihil alienum a me puto.
Menelvagor
> Why exactly was Sauron so happy that he died, then, eh, Menelvagor?
<sneep>
Two possible responses:
1.Although Sauron has to use Gandalf, he really doesn't like him very
much. I suspect they were competing for financial aid at the (not
particularly generous) University of Valinor. Or maybe Sauron's miffed
that none of the Valinor scholarly journals wd accept his articles; but
they accepted Gandalf's because he had friends in high places, or
something.
2.Perhpas SD isn't "canonical" aftrer all (whatever "canonical" means,
or doesn't mean, in this context), but a rejected MS. that eventually
made its way into some History of Muddle-earth volume.
Anyway, I'm sure it'll serve as ammunition for Great Debates in some
newsgroup devoted the e-text and its penumbrae half a century hence...
Öjevind Lång
> "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
>
><sneep>
>> Well, both actually want Frodo to throw the Ring into the volcano
>since that
>> would turn it into three even more powerful Riungs - one for Sauron,
>one for
>> Gandalf and one for El Rond, I suppose.
><s>
>
>The only question I have is: why would Sauron WANT Gandalf and El Rond
>to have these more powerful Rings -- unless these Rings are like the
>Nazdaq (Nazgul) Rings, and subject Gandalf and El Rond even more
>thoroughly to Sauron's (beneficient and civilizing, natch;-]) control.
Yes, Sauron may have his own secret plan about how to cheat his partners in
crime. Or perhaps Sauron, being a good guy, is only pretending to play along
with the evil pair Gandalf and El Rond in order to thwart their tricks.
>Let's not forget that, according to the Ringlore essay, these Rings
>supposedly enhance the bearers' seductive powers (though the Ring
>doesn't seem to have done Frodo much good in the actual e-text ...):-]
Well, he did get Cassiopeia Took out into the field with him. It was his own
personal problems that did not make their times together a complete success.
What Frodo really needs is a good psychotherapist - Doctor Faramir, perhaps?
Öjevind
Raven
news:90rsam$dit$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
> Let's not forget that, according to the Ringlore essay, these Rings
> supposedly enhance the bearers' seductive powers (though the Ring
> doesn't seem to have done Frodo much good in the actual e-text ...):-]
In Rivendell it did. Frodo let the ring pass around among the
hobbits, himself included, and all five (including Bilbo once) got laid.
I didn't write it out very explicitly, but it's there to read.
The only actual virgins among the adults in the e-text after
Prembone's and my first chapters are Gandalf and Aruman, because they
are wizards. Taking a cue from Terry Pratchett, a wizard who has sex
with a woman ceases to be a wizard, or so they believe. Witches are
luckier.
Rare.
Menelvagor
"Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
<sneep>
> In Rivendell it did. Frodo let the ring pass around among the
> hobbits, himself included, and all five (including Bilbo once) got
laid.
> I didn't write it out very explicitly, but it's there to read.
That explains why they dawdled and delayed there for over a month...
> The only actual virgins among the adults in the e-text after
> Prembone's and my first chapters are Gandalf and Aruman, because they
> are wizards. Taking a cue from Terry Pratchett, a wizard who has sex
> with a woman ceases to be a wizard, or so they believe. Witches are
> luckier.
Not even they, I'm afraid. Gandalf engages in all sorts of disgusting
activities according to Mithrigil's chapter; according to mine, Aruman
seems to have had soemthing going with Miniwethil.
Menelvagor
"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
<snap>
> Yes, Sauron may have his own secret plan about how to cheat his
partners in
> crime. Or perhaps Sauron, being a good guy, is only pretending to play
along
> with the evil pair Gandalf and El Rond in order to thwart their
tricks.
>
I won't say I'll turn Sauron into a goodguy necessarily, but I will say
that I covet VI.1... But this time I'll leave out the drugs and cut out
the worst of the bad punchlines:-] I have some eeenterestink ideas...
<snip>
> Well, he did get Cassiopeia Took out into the field with him. It was
his own
> personal problems that did not make their times together a complete
success.
> What Frodo really needs is a good psychotherapist - Doctor Faramir,
perhaps?
Mybe so; or perhaps Mt. Viagra has some mysterious power than can remedy
Frodo's deficiencies.
William H. Hsu
>In article <oovY5.146$GC5....@news.get2net.dk>,
> "Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
><sneep>
>> In Rivendell it did. Frodo let the ring pass around among the
>> hobbits, himself included, and all five (including Bilbo once) got
>> laid. I didn't write it out very explicitly, but it's there to read.
>That explains why they dawdled and delayed there for over a month...
Hrm, and here I was thinking all along that El Rond had a goond chef.
(Which I think he DOES, considering that he's the most overweight Elf in
Muddle-earth.)
>> The only actual virgins among the adults in the e-text after
>> Prembone's and my first chapters are Gandalf and Aruman, because they
>> are wizards. Taking a cue from Terry Pratchett, a wizard who has sex
>> with a woman ceases to be a wizard, or so they believe. Witches are
>> luckier.
>Not even they, I'm afraid. Gandalf engages in all sorts of disgusting
>activities according to Mithrigil's chapter; according to mine, Aruman
>seems to have had soemthing going with Miniwethil.
*argh* What's this?! Cihlling off *all* the snowballs? Wlokay,
I alluded to a dalliance between Lego-lass and some Noldo of the Galadhrim,
mais, the Felonship was a tildy lot nayway. But who's left?! Grimey?
(Welp, if the late Aruman was a goond guy all along and not a brainwashed
Gandalf, maybe Grimey wasn't the lecher he's made out to be in Boonk IV,
either...) Prince Raoul of Dull Amroth? Gone-Murray-Gone?! (After the
Edorasians pass through, though, I wouldn't count on nay snowballs
memaining among the Drugedain...)
--
Banazir ((luminous jedi hobbit phantasm))
~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~
hey, maybe the Leech-king...
O. Sharp
with torches and axe-handles. :) :) I see there has been much rampant
speculation. I shall therefore take this opportunity to pen a single long,
vague and probably-useless bit of commentary on the E-Text's current
direction...
-When I mentioned that I was trying to give the characters some real
motivations and real doubts, it wasn't meant as a critique of what has
gone before; I'm just hoping to add a little meat to our current meal of
cotton candy. :)
At the beginning of the Marx Brothers movie "A Day At The Races", the bad
guy actually makes his first appearance by _striking Harpo repeatedly_
with a riding-crop. It was decidedly unfunny - but they used it to get the
audience against the bad guy, so they could spend the rest of the movie
getting comic revenge against him later. I thought it might be a good time
to reestablish some Actual, Bona-Fide Evil in the story, and thus a
stronger storyline, so the jokes had something firmer to play off of. And
Gandalf was handy. :) Indeed, _more_ than handy; I'd been thinking about
that lone visit he had taken (in the real book) to the Necromancer's
dungeons, and had found myself wondering what would have happened had he
been caught; so this was a way to toy with that thought as well.
Anyway, it'll give everyone else something a little scarier, stronger and
more edgy to write about if they like. :)
-Here's what I think _may_ happen from here: I think that with Aruman dead
the situation will be much worse for the Good Guys, and most of the poor
bastards won't even know it. It goes badly for them no matter what
happens, but _Gandalf_ has the winning track either way: if the Ring goes
into the Fire, Sauron will fall and Gandalf's main competitor for
rulership of Middle-earth is out of the way; I suspect that El Rond and
Galadriel have both been led to believe the Three will be useless, and
unless they find out otherwise they'll be easy powerless pawns in
Gandalf's (and Narya++'s) hands. If the Ring _fails_ to go into the Fire,
however, and gets recovered by the Enemy, then Gandalf can claim the
credit for sending it straight to Sauron in the hands of two puny Hobbits
(who _think_ they're on their way to a cozy home in Nurnenshire - well,
_one_ of them thinks so, anyway)... and so he'll find high favour from the
Enemy, and win _that_ way. Looks bad, don't it?...
I admit I don't know yet how Gandalf duped Galadriel into helping with his
plans. But El Rond was lured, I'm sure, by the happy prospect of finally
getting that steel-wielding daughter of his married off after 2,000 years
of living with Dad. (In fact I even put in some dialogue to that effect at
first, but removed it during a revision. <g>) Though it's equally possible
that El Rond and Galadriel, members of the Council of the Wise, might also
be in on Gandalf's plot, whatever scenes Arwen may have witnessed; Aragon
even makes a direct statement implying it towards the beginning of II:10
("Gandalf, El Rond and Galadriel all thought it incredibly important that
we speed directly to Mount Viagra and destroy the Ring without delay. Of
course, none of them are here to actually _help_ or anything, but that's
what they thought we ought to do for them"). Maybe Gandalf hopes he can
defeat Sauron now with their help, then turn around and double-cross them
later on. Who can tell?
In any event, I think things will get worse... that, just like the
original, events will pretty much be going Gandalf's way for a while. I
suspect, however, that after the Ring is destroyed (if, in fact, it _is_
destroyed) the terrible Truth will come out, and Gandalf (and possibly El
Rond and Galadriel) will be calling upon all of his wits and powers just
to survive the wrath of those who were betrayed. If that comes to pass,
I'd expect Book VI to be FAR more exciting in the E-Text than it is in
the real, long-drawn-out-denouement original. :) :) :)
(I also have a sneaking suspicion that Pipsqueak might remember everything
that happened at Isengard, _miruvor_ or no, once he's had a look in the...
uh... whatever the _palantir_ turns out to be. But will he be able to tell
the others before Gandalf whisks him into isolation in Gondor(tm)? And
even if he did, would anyone _believe_ him?...)
...Now, those are the things I _think_ will happen. But - as was horribly
demonstrated with II:10, when I _thought_ I'd gotten Arwen out of the way,
that Aragon would think her dead, that he would take up with Eowynn on the
bounce, and that all hell would break loose sometime in Book V when they
found Arwen alive and well and really fuming mad in Minas Tirith - what I
_think_ will happen will likely be completely wrong in every regard.
Since I'm not on the waiting-lists for the next couple of books, I will
be leaning back contentedly in my chair watching it all unfold at the
hands of all the rest of you. It should be entertaining. I found
Prembone's one-sentence comment on this thread particularly assuring. :)
I do have one small request of everyone, though. Can Aruman remain dead,
please? Can the temptation to resurrect him be resisted for a time?...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr Faramir
are the two characters most likely to become heroes of
this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
William H. Hsu
>Wow. :) This is a welcome reaction. I expected people to be chasing me
>with torches and axe-handles. :) :)
Ah, I see you have peeked at the next edition of the RedSOW and that very
interesting passage from the Lay of Leithan, Gondor(tm) Edition, titled
"Trask the Beast".
(If you actually travelled into the future to get this peek, could you lpease
tell me when I come out of retirement? I can't pinpoint a month or even a
year with my fire lizards acos they walays grab pieces of FutureCHOKLIT
instead.)
>I see there has been much rampant
>speculation. I shall therefore take this opportunity to pen a single long,
>vague and probably-useless bit of commentary on the E-Text's current
>direction...
Length, vagueness, AND usefulness!
Hoho, it is my luncky day!
>-When I mentioned that I was trying to give the characters some real
>motivations and real doubts, it wasn't meant as a critique of what has
>gone before; I'm just hoping to add a little meat to our current meal of
>cotton candy. :)
Hrm... meat + cotton candy = Samwise on the high seas...
<<greenish *urp*>>
>At the beginning of the Marx Brothers movie "A Day At The Races", the bad
>guy actually makes his first appearance by _striking Harpo repeatedly_
>with a riding-crop. It was decidedly unfunny - but they used it to get the
>audience against the bad guy, so they could spend the rest of the movie
>getting comic revenge against him later. I thought it might be a good time
>to reestablish some Actual, Bona-Fide Evil in the story, and thus a
>stronger storyline, so the jokes had something firmer to play off of. And
>Gandalf was handy. :) Indeed, _more_ than handy; I'd been thinking about
>that lone visit he had taken (in the real book) to the Necromancer's
>dungeons, and had found myself wondering what would have happened had he
>been caught; so this was a way to toy with that thought as well.
Ah, so he's been like that for nigh on 80 years?
Welp, I must say that's even more twisted than my idea of Aruman swapping
identities with Gandalf when he imprisoned him at Orthanc.
>Anyway, it'll give everyone else something a little scarier, stronger and
>more edgy to write about if they like. :)
Ooh, E-Text with grit! I like it!
>-Here's what I think _may_ happen from here: I think that with Aruman dead
>the situation will be much worse for the Good Guys, and most of the poor
>bastards won't even know it. It goes badly for them no matter what
>happens, but _Gandalf_ has the winning track either way: if the Ring goes
>into the Fire, Sauron will fall and Gandalf's main competitor for
>rulership of Middle-earth is out of the way; I suspect that El Rond and
>Galadriel have both been led to believe the Three will be useless, and
>unless they find out otherwise they'll be easy powerless pawns in
>Gandalf's (and Narya++'s) hands.
Sorry, how does Narya get to be Narya++ again?
Did I miss a Plot Complication card somewhere?
Did Bilbo substitute an ordinary golden ring...?
>If the Ring _fails_ to go into the Fire,
>however, and gets recovered by the Enemy, then Gandalf can claim the
>credit for sending it straight to Sauron in the hands of two puny Hobbits
>(who _think_ they're on their way to a cozy home in Nurnenshire - well,
>_one_ of them thinks so, anyway)... and so he'll find high favour from the
>Enemy, and win _that_ way. Looks bad, don't it?...
THE EAGLES ARE COMING!
*ahem* Sorry. Something just compelled me to shout that. 8-)
>I admit I don't know yet how Gandalf duped Galadriel into helping with his
>plans. But El Rond was lured, I'm sure, by the happy prospect of finally
>getting that steel-wielding daughter of his married off after 2,000 years
>of living with Dad. (In fact I even put in some dialogue to that effect at
>first, but removed it during a revision. <g>)
I'll put it bax in if I get that cahpter of Boonk VI, je t'assure.
>Though it's equally possible
>that El Rond and Galadriel, members of the Council of the Wise, might also
>be in on Gandalf's plot, whatever scenes Arwen may have witnessed; Aragon
>even makes a direct statement implying it towards the beginning of II:10
>("Gandalf, El Rond and Galadriel all thought it incredibly important that
>we speed directly to Mount Viagra and destroy the Ring without delay. Of
>course, none of them are here to actually _help_ or anything, but that's
>what they thought we ought to do for them"). Maybe Gandalf hopes he can
>defeat Sauron now with their help, then turn around and double-cross them
>later on. Who can tell?
Hey, it beats taking over Isengard, which has now been thoroughly vandalized.
Personally, I think Gandalf turned the idea of "wanting to do good with"
the Ring over in his mind, and was sickened and revolted by the whole idea
of having to bide his time, pretending not to be overcome with lust for its
power for at least a few years! "`That is how it would begin...?' YUCK,
what a waste of time!" he probably thought to himself. No, the sooner he
could start openly razing Rhovanion and putting in strip malls, trasking
those pesky Ments and the now sub-sentient Huorns, enslaving the Galadhrim
and "little Shire rat bags", exterminating the scattered scions of
Newlineor (the Westland whence the Movie-Lords came), and just being an
all-around Darker Lord than Sauron and Morgoth put together, the better,
nesupasu?
>In any event, I think things will get worse... that, just like the
>original, events will pretty much be going Gandalf's way for a while. I
>suspect, however, that after the Ring is destroyed (if, in fact, it _is_
>destroyed) the terrible Truth will come out, and Gandalf (and possibly El
>Rond and Galadriel) will be calling upon all of his wits and powers just
>to survive the wrath of those who were betrayed. If that comes to pass,
>I'd expect Book VI to be FAR more exciting in the E-Text than it is in
>the real, long-drawn-out-denouement original. :) :) :)
I fully expect Hobbiton to be obliterated by a titanic mushroom cloud
(literally) and for the Politburo heads (Loatho, Spamfast, and Boromir(tm))
and their Hola Nostra affiliates (the Brandybuckles) to be leading an army
of *very* determined bounders against the combined forces of Gandalf of
Varicolours and his 8-fingered [*] lackey, Sharkey Baggins.
>(I also have a sneaking suspicion that Pipsqueak might remember everything
>that happened at Isengard, _miruvor_ or no, once he's had a look in the...
>uh... whatever the _palantir_ turns out to be. But will he be able to tell
>the others before Gandalf whisks him into isolation in Gondor(tm)? And
>even if he did, would anyone _believe_ him?...)
Welp, don't forget that Disneythor(tm) gets a crack at him, too.
Mynys Myckyy is no place for the timid!
Memember how Disneythor cracked in the first place - riding "Corsairs of
the Tampalas" and "It's A Bent Road" over and over and over again...
>...Now, those are the things I _think_ will happen. But - as was horribly
>demonstrated with II:10, when I _thought_ I'd gotten Arwen out of the way,
>that Aragon would think her dead, that he would take up with Eowynn on the
>bounce, and that all hell would break loose sometime in Book V when they
>found Arwen alive and well and really fuming mad in Minas Tirith - what I
>_think_ will happen will likely be completely wrong in every regard.
Just imagine what Arwen will do to the *Leech-king* after she discovers
his role in the whole subterfuge!
Forget Eowynn trasking the LK; I imagine that she and Merry will be laid
low by frog-poisoned blowdarts (Black Shadow, yeah, wright) afore Arwen
goes for the wrath, ruin, and red nightfall!
>Since I'm not on the waiting-lists for the next couple of books, I will
>be leaning back contentedly in my chair watching it all unfold at the
>hands of all the rest of you. It should be entertaining. I found
>Prembone's one-sentence comment on this thread particularly assuring. :)
Oh, yes!
>I do have one small request of everyone, though. Can Aruman remain dead,
>please? Can the temptation to resurrect him be resisted for a time?...
Erm... sure, mais, in the Scouring (or whatever it's called) can we make
him rise over and over again as Gandalf trasks him out of Arda repeatedly?
Sort of like a tug of war between the more powerful Gandalf and Eru
(and of curse Aruman would come bax as a slight different wizard each
time)...
Just my suggestions; feel free to ignore them all!
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
>o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr Faramir
> are the two characters most likely to become heroes of
> this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
*Cheers* for Pipsqueak!
Dr. Faramir wreally is too early to tell naything about.
I hear he refused his share of his inheritance in Gondor(tm), though, which
is walays a goond sign.
[*] somebody can surely explain the 8 fiendgers, ne?
Öjevind Lång
> "Öjevind Lång" > wrote:
[snip]
>> Well, he did get Cassiopeia Took out into the field with him. It was
>his own
>> personal problems that did not make their times together a complete
>success.
>> What Frodo really needs is a good psychotherapist - Doctor Faramir,
>perhaps?
>
>Mybe so; or perhaps Mt. Viagra has some mysterious power than can remedy
>Frodo's deficiencies.
HEY! Suddenly one plot element that should have been obvious is laid bare.
Öjevind
Raven
> > In Rivendell it did. Frodo let the ring pass around among the
> > hobbits, himself included, and all five (including Bilbo once) got
> > laid. I didn't write it out very explicitly, but it's there to
> > read.
> That explains why they dawdled and delayed there for over a month...
No. They dawdled for months because El Rond and Gandalf were in
conference together every night, and because Aragon was out in the
Wild - and nobody knew where Arwen was. The nightly conferences often
said "glug glug". The hobbits made the best of it.
> > The only actual virgins among the adults in the e-text after
> > Prembone's and my first chapters are Gandalf and Aruman, because
> > they are wizards. Taking a cue from Terry Pratchett, a wizard who
> > has sex with a woman ceases to be a wizard, or so they believe.
> > Witches are luckier.
> Not even they, I'm afraid. Gandalf engages in all sorts of disgusting
> activities according to Mithrigil's chapter; according to mine, Aruman
> seems to have had soemthing going with Miniwethil.
Seems. Perhaps Gandalf is a sodomist, who does not do it with people
at all. And at any rate, I wrote my chapter first. Nyah.
Karasu.
Menelvagor
"Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
<sneep>
> >
Men:> >Mybe so; or perhaps Mt. Viagra has some mysterious power than
can remedy
> >Frodo's deficiencies.
>
> HEY! Suddenly one plot element that should have been obvious is laid
bare.
In more senses than one ... "Cassiopeia Took, here I come!"
Menelvagor
"O. Sharp" <o...@speakeasy.org> wrote:
> Wow. :) This is a welcome reaction. I expected people to be chasing
me
> with torches and axe-handles. :) :)
The Scouring of the Newsgroup!
> <sneep>
> -When I mentioned that I was trying to give the characters some real
> motivations and real doubts, it wasn't meant as a critique of what has
> gone before; I'm just hoping to add a little meat to our current meal
of
> cotton candy. :)
>
Certainly a good parody needs both ... can't live on cotton candy
alone ...
<sneep>
> I thought it might be a good time
> to reestablish some Actual, Bona-Fide Evil in the story, and thus a
> stronger storyline, so the jokes had something firmer to play off of.
And
> Gandalf was handy. :)
Gandalf had "I'm the badguy" written all over in big black letters.
<snippo>
> Anyway, it'll give everyone else something a little scarier, stronger
and
> more edgy to write about if they like. :)
>
> -Here's what I think _may_ happen from here: I think that with Aruman
dead
> the situation will be much worse for the Good Guys,
In so far as there are any ...:-]
and most of the poor
> bastards won't even know it. It goes badly for them no matter what
> happens, but _Gandalf_ has the winning track either way: if the Ring
goes
> into the Fire, Sauron will fall and Gandalf's main competitor for
> rulership of Middle-earth is out of the way;
But I thought Aruman said it wouldn't be destroyed by being thrown in
the FIre; did I misunderstand that part ...? Anyway, if true this
shows that Gandalf was trying to double-cross Sauron, as I suspected...
>I suspect that El Rond and
> Galadriel have both been led to believe the Three will be useless, and
> unless they find out otherwise they'll be easy powerless pawns in
> Gandalf's (and Narya++'s) hands.
Maybe Galadriel can find out later; at some point we'll need SOME
powerful goodguy, no? (JUst not too soon.)
>If the Ring _fails_ to go into the Fire,
> however, and gets recovered by the Enemy, then Gandalf can claim the
> credit for sending it straight to Sauron in the hands of two puny
Hobbits
<snippo>
That's what HE thinks ...
<smip>
> In any event, I think things will get worse... that, just like the
> original, events will pretty much be going Gandalf's way for a while.
I
> suspect, however, that after the Ring is destroyed (if, in fact, it
_is_
> destroyed) the terrible Truth will come out, and Gandalf (and
possibly El
> Rond and Galadriel) will be calling upon all of his wits and powers
just
> to survive the wrath of those who were betrayed.
I guess we still don't know what Galadriel's game is, though I'm
guessing she's allied with Gandalf ... but maybe she's just pretending
to be on his side so she can deal with him later (just as Gandalf is
trying to double-cross Sauron...)
>If that comes to pass,
> I'd expect Book VI to be FAR more exciting in the E-Text than it is in
> the real, long-drawn-out-denouement original. :) :) :)
>
Book VI is going to be fun...
> (I also have a sneaking suspicion that Pipsqueak might remember
everything
> that happened at Isengard, _miruvor_ or no, once he's had a look in
the...
> uh... whatever the _palantir_ turns out to be. But will he be able to
tell
> the others before Gandalf whisks him into isolation in Gondor(tm)? And
> even if he did, would anyone _believe_ him?...)
>
He'll have an interesting time in GOndor (TM) escaping Gandalf's
assassination attempts. "It seems that there's some substance in the
hobbit anatomy that resists cyanide."
<sneep>
> I found
> Prembone's one-sentence comment on this thread particularly
assuring. :)
>
Yes; after all, it is a parody:-].
> I do have one small request of everyone, though. Can Aruman remain
dead,
> please? Can the temptation to resurrect him be resisted for a time?...
>
If he does get resurrected, maybe it should be later in Book VI. I
don't know about keeping him PERMANENTLY dead; that might be a bit too
depressing in a parody, no??
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
---
> o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr
Faramir
> are the two characters most likely to become
heroes of
> this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
>
Pipsqueak, Dr. F., and Sam the Socialist
Menelvagor
"Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
<snnip>
> No. They dawdled for months because El Rond and Gandalf were in
> conference together every night, and because Aragon was out in the
> Wild - and nobody knew where Arwen was.
I thought she and Aragorn were celebrating an early honeymoon ...?
> The nightly conferences often
> said "glug glug". The hobbits made the best of it.
>
<sneep>
> > Not even they, I'm afraid. Gandalf engages in all sorts of
disgusting
> > activities according to Mithrigil's chapter; according to mine,
Aruman
> > seems to have had soemthing going with Miniwethil.
> Seems. Perhaps Gandalf is a sodomist, who does not do it with
people
> at all.
And at any rate, I wrote my chapter first. Nyah.
<snap>
Or maybe Aruman isn't a wizard; "Steelbeard had said something about
wizards, but he had seemd to think of Aruman as one of them. More like
a Thaumaturgist," or something equally stupid...
Robert Brady
> Maybe Galadriel can find out later; at some point we'll need SOME
> powerful goodguy, no? (JUst not too soon.)
Could be good to keep Steelbeard around also.
--
Robert
Menelvagor
Presumably he'll eventually realize again how he was duped by
Gandalf ...
>
> --
> Robert
Raven
> > No. They dawdled for months because El Rond and Gandalf were in
> > conference together every night, and because Aragon was out in the
> > Wild - and nobody knew where Arwen was.
> I thought she and Aragorn were celebrating an early honeymoon ...?
That is what I hinted at, but it is left open. Certainly, if they
*were* rolling in the bracken, it would have to be done with the
knowledge and consent of El Rond's sons, though not with the knowledge
of El Rond himself.
Perhaps we may establish El Rond's sons as Good Guys, even though El
Rond himself is another double-crossing baddie like Gandalf.
Daughter of Munin.
Carl Blondin
I reeeaaaally hope you had it figured out before, when I named it it
seemed like the most obvious and cheap joke I could find for my
chapter.....
Carl
Carl Blondin
"O. Sharp" wrote:
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr Faramir
> are the two characters most likely to become heroes of
> this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
I think our dear friend the mobster will take care of that with his
contacts in the underworld. I'm pretty sure there's a brothel somewhere
that has "The Lucious Babes of Muddle-Earth" with a look-a-like of all
those famous wogha partners of Sauron. If Gandalf is led there
unknowingly, how could he resist? surely he'll fall to the temptation
and thrust his ~~~~ in a hole and loose his powers.
Carl
Robert Brady
> Presumably he'll eventually realize again how he was duped by
> Gandalf ...
Exactly. What Boromir(tm) ends up doing is also wide open. :)
--
Robert
Öjevind Lång
>"Öjevind Lång" wrote:
>>
>> Menelvagor hath written:
[snip]
>> >Mybe so; or perhaps Mt. Viagra has some mysterious power than can remedy
>> >Frodo's deficiencies.
>>
>> HEY! Suddenly one plot element that should have been obvious is laid
bare.
>
>
>I reeeaaaally hope you had it figured out before, when I named it it
>seemed like the most obvious and cheap joke I could find for my
>chapter.....
I'm sorry; I didn't. I thought it had some connection to Gandalf's
age-induced problems.
Öjevind
Menelvagor
"Raven" <jonlenn...@get2net.dk> wrote:
<sneep>
> Perhaps we may establish El Rond's sons as Good Guys, even though
El
> Rond himself is another double-crossing baddie like Gandalf.
The good thing about El Rond's sons is that they're absolute cyphers in
the original, which means we can turn them into anything we want --
Anything from insurance salesmen to travelling comedians ...
Menelvagor
Robert Brady <rwb...@zepler.org> wrote:
<sneep>
> Exactly. What Boromir(tm) ends up doing is also wide open. :)
Yes; he could create problems for Frodo AND Aragon later on... It was
rather stroingly hinted that he isn't really dead yet.:-]
Then again, maybe Miniwethil will turn out to be still alive too; she's
a Maia, and it's not really clear whether she's good or bad or even a
figment of Pipsqueak's imagination ...
Menelvagor
Carl Blondin <cbl...@po-box.mcgill.ca> wrote:
>
>
> "O. Sharp" wrote:
>
> > --------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
> > o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr
Faramir
> > are the two characters most likely to become
heroes of
> > this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
>
> I think our dear friend the mobster will take care of that with his
> contacts in the underworld. I'm pretty sure there's a brothel
somewhere
> that has "The Lucious Babes of Muddle-Earth" with a look-a-like of all
> those famous wogha partners of Sauron. If Gandalf is led there
> unknowingly, how could he resist? surely he'll fall to the temptation
> and thrust his ~~~~ in a hole and loose his powers.
So that's how Gandalf will be defeated? The Delilah stratagem?:-]
Sounds eeeenterestink.
Raven
news:slrn937pb...@kullervo.kalevala.local...
> >o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr
> > Faramir are the two characters most likely to become heroes of
> > this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
> What about Sam? Isn't he a worker, brave and free? A true champion of
> the egalitarian socialism, a hero of the poor hobbits who suffer under
> the yoke of Frodo and his buddies?
Unless he stops at the Lenin stage, setting himself up as the new
Frodo.
Voron.
William H. Hsu
> Carl Blondin <cbl...@po-box.mcgill.ca> deflied with his tildiness:
>> O. Sharp made a last attempt to find the Goond and Pure:
>>> o...@speakeasy.org I'm beginning to think that Pipsqueak and Dr Faramir
>>> are the two characters most likely to become heroes of
>>> this story. But it's still too early to tell. :)
>> If Gandalf is led there
>> unknowingly, how could he resist? surely he'll fall to the temptation
>> and thrust his ~~~~ in a hole and loose his powers.
-[TSC] *gets on soapbox*
be she Balrog or Eldar Jedi Knight, be he Moominelf Lord or Glowing
Hobbit Spirit, not spell-checkers, not word-sense disambiguation, nor
lar nor lurve nor leegersvrurds, nor nay force under the sun but
SNOWBALLS shall defend one from the awful force of anti-Valaric
tildification...
[TSC]- *passes through soapbox in a luminous shower of ghostly snowballs*
>So that's how Gandalf will be defeated? The Delilah stratagem?:-]
>Sounds eeeenterestink.
hrm, but think about it:
1. wouldn't Gandalf loonk wreally weird with no beard?
(or will Shelob's trashy sister from Mirkwood shave him cleanly from crown
to heel cf. Fritz Lieber? -[TSC] ahhh, traskit [TSC]-)
2. will he be blinded and stripped -[TSC] grrr [TSC]- of his wizardly powers,
and then chained to the pillars of Great Smials?
if so, how many eViol Big Flok can he trask caving in even the largest
hole in the Shire?
--
Banazir ((luminous jedi hobbit phantasm))
~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~'~~~~~'~~~
*SNOWBALL power!*
Raven
> The good thing about El Rond's sons is that they're absolute cyphers
> in the original, which means we can turn them into anything we
> want -- Anything from insurance salesmen to travelling
> comedians ...
Si, and they don't get a lot of screen time in the original text.
Perhaps that may be remedied. After all, they might not like their kid
sister to snaffle all the attention and they get next to none!
Havran.
Menelvagor
bh...@ringil.cis.ksu.edu (William H. Hsu) wrote:
> Menelvagor <gol...@my-deja.com> writes:
>
> > Carl Blondin <cbl...@po-box.mcgill.ca> deflied with his tildiness:
>
I didn't write that, BTW; just a leetle cfarilication ...
<zneepo>
> -[TSC] *gets on soapbox*
> be she Balrog or Eldar Jedi Knight, be he Moominelf Lord or
Glowing
> Hobbit Spirit, not spell-checkers, not word-sense
disambiguation, nor
> lar nor lurve nor leegersvrurds, nor nay force under the sun
but
> SNOWBALLS shall defend one from the awful force of anti-
Valaric
> tildification...
> [TSC]- *passes through soapbox in a luminous shower of ghostly
snowballs*
>
What is this snowball business all about nayways? Is this some May-
Pratchett thingy?
> >So that's how Gandalf will be defeated? The Delilah stratagem?:-]
> >Sounds eeeenterestink.
<znup>
>
> 2. will he be blinded and stripped -[TSC] grrr [TSC]- of his wizardly
powers,
> and then chained to the pillars of Great Smials?
> if so, how many eViol Big Flok can he trask caving in even the
largest
> hole in the Shire?
>
Me no wants to carry the parallel TOO far ...
<s>
--
Count Menelvagor the Slayer of Killerbytes, Editor of Sauron's Dairy,
and Lord High Enervator of the Empire of Psot, Balrog Dragon Baritone,
etc., etc., and All That Other Struff
Gandalf fell by the force of Tilde.
Just read that in the last presidential election with a quasi-tie, one
of the candidates was Tilden. (He ended up letting Hayes get the
presidency on condidition Reconstruction be repealed.)
Menelvagor
> ...Now, those are the things I _think_ will happen. But - as was
horribly
> demonstrated with II:10, when I _thought_ I'd gotten Arwen out of the
way,
> that Aragon would think her dead, that he would take up with Eowynn
on the
> bounce, and that all hell would break loose sometime in Book V when
they
> found Arwen alive and well and really fuming mad in Minas Tirith -
what I
> _think_ will happen will likely be completely wrong in every regard.
It's a leetle disappointing that the possibilities offered by Eowyn
really haven't been met in the e-t. so far. Oh well; there's still
Book V-VI.
<znip>
Jim
Menelvagor <gol...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:919fq8$spa$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
> It's a leetle disappointing that the possibilities offered by Eowyn
> really haven't been met in the e-t. so far. Oh well; there's still
> Book V-VI.
Why does the e-t have to end with Book VI?
Jim D
Menelvagor
"Jim" <james...@ntlworld.com> wrote:
<snap>
> Why does the e-t have to end with Book VI?
<s>
Weeeealp, I suppose one COULD add extra books at the end, and make it
go on indefinitely...:-] "Chapter CLXXXIX: Gandalf's Punishment in
Mandos: The Horror Continues."
zhuge...@my-deja.com
And the Witch King disappeared, never to appear in the Third Age Again.
A few years later, in the next Age
"I'm BAAAACK!!!
Witchking II, The Return of the Nazgul!
Alternatively:
Book VII.
The ruined wrack of Mount Doom lay under a thick cloud from the choked
vents. From one fissure, recently rent asunder by the mountain's
subsiding spasms a thin, pale arm appeared to be followed by a gaunt
figure muttering "gollum, gollum." In its other hand it clutched a
Ring.,..
The Lord of the Rings: The Final Chapter, part I, the Sequal, the
Return of Smeagol.
Or, why the Reichenbach Falls must be located near Mount Doom.
John Elliott
>Weeeealp, I suppose one COULD add extra books at the end, and make it
>go on indefinitely...:-] "Chapter CLXXXIX: Gandalf's Punishment in
>Mandos: The Horror Continues."
Chapter DCCIX: More Really Super Battles
In Which Feanor And Gothmog Confront Captain James T. Kirk And Jesse Ventura
(after all, you have to have *something* for the punters to watch while
Arwen and Eowynn are resting between bouts, don't you?)
--
------------- http://www.seasip.demon.co.uk/index.html --------------------
John Elliott |BLOODNOK: "But why have you got such a long face?"
|SEAGOON: "Heavy dentures, Sir!" - The Goon Show
:-------------------------------------------------------------------------)
Menelvagor
j...@seasip.demon.co.uk (John Elliott) wrote:
> Menelvagor <gol...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> >Weeeealp, I suppose one COULD add extra books at the end, and make it
> >go on indefinitely...:-] "Chapter CLXXXIX: Gandalf's Punishment in
> >Mandos: The Horror Continues."
>
> Chapter DCCIX: More Really Super Battles
> In Which Feanor And Gothmog Confront Captain James T. Kirk And Jesse
Ventura
>
> (after all, you have to have *something* for the punters to watch
while
> Arwen and Eowynn are resting between bouts, don't you?)
>
Chapter MCMXXXIX: the REALLY SHOCKING Arwen chapter; so shocking NO
NETWORK WILL B'CAST IT, NO MOVIE THEATRE WILL SHOW IT, AND IT IS ONLY
AVAILABLE ON VIDEO AT THIS SPECIAL OFFER FOR $279.99! Limited
edition! Act NOW!
> --
> ------------- http://www.seasip.demon.co.uk/index.html ---------------
-----
> John Elliott |BLOODNOK: "But why have you got such a long
face?"
> |SEAGOON: "Heavy dentures, Sir!" - The Goon
Show
> :---------------------------------------------------------------------
----)
>
--