[MiST] "Sonic vs Mario"
Jim W.
Turn down your lights...(but keep in mind it's bad for your eyes if you look at
the monitor
without any other lights on)
In the not-too-distant future
On a lonely asteroid
Pearl Forrester and TV's Frank
Are getting real annoyed
They're looking for the worst fanfic
Yes, they haven't gotten tired of this old schtick
Once she's got it Pearl will be filled with gaiety
'Cuz she'll head on back to Earth and then reclaim her destiny!
PEARL: If you're confused, go read Season Three!
"I'll send Mike lousy stories;
The worst Frank can find. (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all,
Until they destroy his mind." (lalala)
Now keep in mind Mike doesn't care
How the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
He'll do his best to escape them
With the help of his robot friends!
ROBOT ROLL CALL
CAMBOT! "On standby."
GYPSY! "Let's roll!"
TOM SERVO! "Oops, my head fell off."
CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! "You know you want me, baby!"
If you're wondering how they stay alive
Through all these loathsome works (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show"
And enjoy all their funny quirks!
on SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] Mike, Servo and Crow are behind the counter.
MIKE: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. Just to fill 'ya
in on a few things; Pearl has met up with TV's Frank on this asteroid we're
currently orbiting. Frank got fired from Soultaking, and now he's an angel that
goes around helping people out. He's trying to help Pearl by finding the
worst fanfic ever created. Right now we're waiting for an important
announcement
from their evil base of operations.
CROW: You know Mike, while we're waiting, let's play a round of Pokemon.
MIKE: Alright.
[Mike pulls two decks of Pokemon trading cards from under the counter]
MIKE: [pulling from the top of his deck] Oh, goody! I'm sending out Gyrados.
CROW: [trying to use his arms, but can't] Uh, I can't pick the card up. My
arms
don't work.
MIKE: Oh, good. I win!
CROW: Hey, no fair! You know my arms don't work!
MIKE: You should have thought about that before challenging me.
CROW: HEY!
SERVO[disapprovingly]: You two... tsk, tsk
MAGIC VOICE: Five seconds to commercial sign. Mike, can I play you?
MIKE: I don't see why not.
MAGIC VOICE: I choose you, Snorlax!
*commercial sign*
[Falling whistling sound]
MIKE: Uh, wait a minute...
[planet bumper]
[Sound of large lumpy object falling on Mike and the 'Bots]
[voice-overs:]
ALL: OW!
MIKE: Looks like Magic Voice wins. Ugh...
SNORLAX: Snooor-lax.
[commercials]
---
[SOL] Mike is on the bridge with Servo and Crow, whose heads are very flat.
SERVO: Hey, how come you're alright, Nelson?
MIKE[nonchalant]: I have a secret pact with the author.
*Mads' sign*
CROW: Lady Une is calling.
MIKE: Yes, Oh Compulsive One?
[Moon Zero Two] Pearl is behind a podium. A row of fold-out chairs has
been laid out before her, and Frank is sitting in the center seat.
PEARL: And if you make me your president, I promise to keep Matt Damon,
Leo DiCaprio, and Bruce Willis from ever starring in another movie!
[Frank stands up and claps.]
[SOL]
MIKE: Pearl? What are you doing?
[MZ2]
PEARL: I'm running for office, Mike. They say the President of the United
States has influence over most of the world, so naturally if I become President
I will be one step away from total domination! Then nothing will stop me!
HAHAHAHA!
[SOL] The Bots' heads are back to normal.
SERVO: But you're stuck on that asteroid.
CROW: And the Constitution clearly states, in Article II Section 5, that in
order to be eligable for the position of President, you must be a resident of
the United States for fourteen years.
MIKE: And you've been wandering all over space for a year now. It looks like
you can't run for office this term, Pearl.
[MZ2]
PEARL[making Hitleresque hand movements]: And also, I promise never to have an
affair with anyone, not even my husband, should I get one... [to Mike] What was
that?
I wasn't listening. Frank, keep those peons busy so they don't disturb my
campaign speech.
FRANK: Sure thing, Mrs. F! [turning to Cambot] Okay, guys, your fanfic this
week is an atrocious piece of pile that will turn your stomachs to Jell-O.
It's another version of "Sonic vs. Mario" by cool.caz on the Sonic newsgroup.
[Observer sound as Frank sends the file]
[SOL] *movie sign*
ALL: IT'S PATHETIC GAME CROSSOVER SIGN!!!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
[Mike and the 'Bots enter and sit]
>From: cool...@virgin.net
>Date: 04/20/2000 9:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time
>Message-id: <8dn1kt$ea9$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>
>
>It was supposed to be a Sonic VS Mario fanfic but I gave up and got
>bored. So I did it a bit differently!
CROW: Oh, no, we're in trouble.
MIKE: Haven't a lot of other fanfics started out like this?
SERVO: Yeah, and every time we got screwed.
MIKE: Servo!
CROW: What?
MIKE: I said "Servo."
CROW: Old habits die hard.
>
>
>
> Sonic vs Mario
>
>Sonic, Tails and Amy were bashing badniks in the Emerald Hill Zone.
>Sonic spindashed through ten Buzzers
SERVO: Well, now how will the contestants participate?
>"Easy!" Amy whacked like crazy with her Piko hammer "Yeah!" Tails pulled
>out a deckchair and put on shades.
CROW[Tails]: Haha. I let Sonic and his new sidekick Amy do all the work
and I get the benefits.
>He started drinking a cup of Cola while "Sonic Boom" blasted from a
>nearby stereo. Sonic pushed him off "Hey, that's my move, not yours!"
MIKE: Really? I didn't realize that sitting still in a deckchair was a "move."
>He put on the shades, drank the cola and listened to Sonic Boom while
>Tails tailwhipped badniks.
CROW: Eeew, the same cola?
SERVO[Sonic]: Yuck! Backwash! -spit-spit-
>Suddenly, the Floating Island blew up!
>The remains fell on the Emerald Hill Zone. Sonic ran to safety along
>with Tails and Amy. They stared at the rubbles for a long time.
MIKE[Sonic]: Uhh... does anybody know what happened?
>Finally, Sonic could stand it no longer "Knuckles! Where are you!" He
>ran and clambered over the rubbles.
CROW: That's rub*ble*! As in *Barney* Rubble! Get it *right!*
>A fist shot out and sent Sonic
>flying "Aaah!" Knuckles came out- he was glowing red! GLOWING! Even
>his eyes were red! His teeth were spiky. He snarled
SERVO[nagging]: Knuckles, have you been sniffing the Black Water Mist again?
>"I am a demon, I have possessed Knuckles the Echidna and I will never let him
go!"
MIKE[singing]: I'll never let him go...
[Servo provides guitar accompaniment]
MIKE[singing]: ...I'll never let him go.
>Sonic rubbed his sore face "Thanks a lot, you bloody spinehead!"
>Tails charged at Knuckles but was whacked away "Aagh!" He got pinned
>between two rocks "Help me, Sonic!" But Sonic was unable to. Knuckles
>was thumping him
ALL: AAAAH!
> and spin attacking him. Amy stood in front of Sonic.
>A red ball- Knuckles spin attacking- shot at her and she hit it. It
>flew back like a tennis ball and exploded. Blood and guts littered the
>ground.
MIKE: Um... Ick?
>Sonic was bleeding too "Amy...help...Tails!" Amy ran over and
>freed Tails. They ran over to Sonic "Leave...me...go...kill...Mario...
>and...I...will...go...happy."
CROW: Huh?
>A glowing portal appeared. Tails and Amy jumped through.
SERVO[whispering]: Sliders.
>They met Yoshi. Tails tail whipped him and he died
>(Yoshi, not Tails!)
MIKE: Uh...
>Princess Toadstool was next. Amy and Princess
>Toadstool had a fight on the ground clawing at each other and
>shrieking "Cow! Bitch! Tart!" because Amy had insulted Mario and
>Toadstool had insulted Sonic.
CROW: Oh, was there a backstory to this?
SERVO: I don't want to think about that. I'm having a hard time keeping
my head from exploding as it is.
>Then Amy remembered her hammer and
>she whacked Toadstool with it, causing Princess Toadstool's head
>to split in half.
MIKE: ...Why?
>Tails was attacked by a mad Luigi but he killed
>Luigi instantly. Mario arrived screaming "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>Tails and Amy killed him as well.
CROW: So it wasn't really Sonic vs. Mario.
MIKE: Nope.
>A portal appeared. They leaped
>through. Big mistake- they found themselves in a pit and starved
>for days until they couldn't go on.
>
>Copyright me, who would be overjoyed to see this misted!
MIKE: Hey, short and sweet.
CROW: The author wants to see it MiSTed? That doesn't make sense.
SERVO: [strained grunt. Servo's head begins to smoke]
MIKE: Uh, oh! Incoming!
CROW: Get down!
SERVO: AAAARRRGGGGH! [Servo's head explodes.]
[Mike and Crow get up from off the floor.]
MIKE: Feeling better, Servo?
SERVO: A whole lot better, Mike.
MIKE: Good.
[All exit]
>
>
>
>Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
>Before you buy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] Mike is screwing another dome on Servo. Crow enters.
CROW: So, what a fanfic, huh?
MIKE: Yup. Hey, we found out what makes Servo's head blow up.
CROW: Really?
SERVO: It turned out to be a defective circuit in my logic processor.
MIKE: Whenever Servo's brain tries to figure out impossible sentences,
like those in fanfics, his logic processor overheats. Normally his circuit
breaker would trip and shut it off, but instead it explodes.
CROW: Interesting. So, where *is* your brain, anyway?
SERVO: It's in my head, smart guy.
CROW: Your head is an empty, transparent globe.
SERVO[aggressive]: What are you trying to say?!
MIKE: Calm down, Servo.
*Mads' sign*
CROW: I bet your brain is really in your butt.
SERVO: That's not a butt, it's a hoverskirt!
CROW: Hee, hee. You wear a skirt.
SERVO: RRRRRRRRRR! [Head explodes]
MIKE: Uh...I'll have to check his Anger Surpression device, too.
[Moon Zero Two] Pearl is standing next to a gigantic poster bearing her
visage and the slogan "VOTE FOR PERIL."
PEARL: And as my campaign winds down for the summer, I encourage all of
you internet freaks to vote for me in the upcomming election. Why?
Because where there's a Forrester, there's a... um... FRANK!
FRANK[enters]: Yes?
PEARL: Help me think of a campaign slogan!
FRANK: Well, how about...uh, "I Like Ike!"
PEARL[steaming]: Oooh! Just push the button!
[Frank picks up a button pin with Pearl's picture and presses it.]
PEARL: FRANK!
FRANK: -sigh- Yes, Pearl. [to Mike] Better watch out, Mike, she's in a
really bad mood today.
[FWOOSH!]
[Mighty Science Theater]
written by: Jim Whaley
"Sonic vs Mario" written by: cool...@virgin.net
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
TV's Frank: Frank Conniff
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc.
is intended or should be inferred.
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing.
Any alteration or reproduction of this MiSTing without permission or credit
is not appreciated. Please contact the author at the e-mail address provided
below.
based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
all present and former employees of Best Brains, Inc., wherever they may be
cool.caz
the authors of the First Amendment
and last but not least, You, the reader
This MiSTing is dedicated to anyone who loves to laugh.
e-mail tj...@aol.com for comments, etc.
c2000 by Jim Whaley
> They ran over to Sonic "Leave...me...go...kill...Mario...
> and...I...will...go...happy."
a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k
-----------------
Recent and upcoming episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
308: Once A Teacher
401: Extreme Chaos
402: Sonic vs Mario
403: Flower's Quest
404: TSSA: Check Out This Stock!
405: What's Q, Pussycat?
My MiSTings can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine,
located at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k
or go to my web site, The MSTerminal;
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
-----------------
On the next episode of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
---
> Flower's Quest
---
> Once, when she wasn't thinking, she was with the Chaotix.
SERVO[Flower]: With the Chaotix?! What was I thinking?!? Oh, right...I wasn't.
---
> He did his evil laughter again. It was in a path!
> And it led all the way to Lava Reef Zone**.
MIKE: Wait...what?
CROW: Let's just pretend it makes sense and move on.
---
>Knuckles and the others were watching from the bubble. "Flower!!" he yelled as
>she got zapped.
SERVO[Knuckles]: Find a pin! We'll be able to get out if you can find us a
pin!
---
That's all next month on Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000!
(Please keep in mind I don't spoil the really funny stuff. Unlike most movies,
I never put the best parts in my previews.)
A Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production.
For more details, visit http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
Jim W.
MiSTings and fanfiction: http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
-----quote of the week
"That's why he said he was going to kill me!" -Releena
"Reading some sort of suspense thriller, are you, Miss Releena?" -Pagan
"Gundam Wing"