As for "What's wrong with" etc.
Steve Allen Richards
Look, there are qualities that each character posesses that some
of us will love and some of us will hate. Let me put this in simple, yet
powerful terms. There are hairy women out there. Lots of men find this
repulsive and some have a fetish toward the subject. Now, put this into
a perspective with Ami-chan's innocence and ChibiUsa's cuteness.
Neither, the shrines nor the flames are going to cease at any time so,
there's nearly no point in arguing with your opponents.
Just my Buck-twenty-five.
--
______________________________________________________________________
Things you don't hear every day #13 | Steve Allen Richards
| The Thane of Cawdor
"Schwarzenegger is such a wuss." | <caw...@sgi.net>
Jet Wolf
Justin Egger wrote:
> (OK, I'm ready to shut up about Rei now. I've said it in how many
> posts?)
Nonsense, there's no such thing as talking about Rei-chan too much...
-=Jet Wolf
Secretly plotting to topple the Empire of Ami Fans.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"What is this, a riddle?" "No, it's a cute little dolly."
===================================================================
Justin Egger
Yeah! Besides we all know that Rei's the best!
Tuxedo Rental
Steve Allen Richards <caw...@sgi.net> wrote:
>Look, there are qualities that each character posesses that some
>of us will love and some of us will hate. Let me put this in simple, yet
>powerful terms. There are hairy women out there. Lots of men find this
>repulsive and some have a fetish toward the subject. Now, put this into
>a perspective with Ami-chan's innocence and ChibiUsa's cuteness.
Sorry, I tried and I tried but I just couldn't resist. So what
you're saying is, you want to start a 'Shave Our Sailors' campaign?
^_^
>Neither, the shrines nor the flames are going to cease at any time so,
>there's nearly no point in arguing with your opponents.
Sure there is; it wastes time while you're waiting for the Kraft
Dinner to cook.
V.
(It's the Cheesiest!)
Jet Wolf
Nightman wrote:
> "The Amichanians and Reichanians are confused!" one boy cried.
> "All hail our beautiful goddess of love senshi!" cries another.
> *Whip Crack* "Enough idle chatter...back to work!" cries Artemis.
> "Reload Video Torpedoes! Charge main Crescent Beam banks!"
> "Today...the Minako Empire Makes it's move! V for Venus! V for
> Victory!"
"V for Vapid, which is what she is!!" Jet Wolf yells to the hovering
starship, shaking her fist angrily. All weapons turn to towards her and
the momentary flash of anger disappears under the threat of immediate,
love-filled distruction.
"He said it!" she cries, anxiously pointing to Belial. "Him, the freak
with the--" Jet Wolf stops suddenly when she realizes that she's
pointing at a large stick imbedded into the ground. It's painfully
obvious that it has been thrown together in a feeble attempt to look like
Belial only at first glance. A bit of black cloth has been draped around
it to simulate the trenchcoat and a copy of "Gon" manga is stapled to the
wood.
Several moments pass. A flock of birds fly by, suspicously close to the
ground. A young otaku removes the manga from the Belial-stick and walks
away.
With a shake of her head, Jet Wolf tries to recover her former dignity.
"Alright, so I *did* say it! And I meant it, too! Minako can't EVER
beat down Rei, She who is the Goddess of Characterization! Rei is deep
and complex and ... And Minako's a DITZ! THE FIRES OF JUSTICE ARE
BURNING!!"
While the Minakonians are puzzled and disturbed by the recycling of such
horrible dialogue, Jet Wolf jumps behind a nearby bush where she had
convieniently stored her Very Secret Weapon early in this thread. A
second later she emerges, an intricate-looking device strapped to her
back. Upon closer examination, it appears to have been made from a
blender and other handy household appliances. To one side of the blender
is a "No Smoking" sign. On the other is a Super-Deformed Sailor Mars,
winking and giving a thumbs up.
"Here's your 'Love and Beauty Shock'," Jet Wolf mutters, training the
weapon on the golden starship.
The SD-Mars is in a standard stock-footage attack pose.
"Fire Soul BUSTER!!"
> ......to be continued?
Who can say? ^_-
-=Jet Wolf
Who wonders who will take up the Makonian defense.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"Randi, you meet a guy for the first time... What do you do?"
"Run a credit check."
===================================================================
Nightman
heh, heh...
That was silly fun. I *DO* wonder who'll take up Makoto's side of
things...we all know Wendy will do Hotaru-chan's. ;)
--
Matt
#The fires of LOVE are burning...#
-
Funny you should ask that...
Suddenly, The U.S.S. Warthog drops out of lurkspace between Jet Wolf
and her intended target, taking the Fire Soul Buster Blast. The screens
flicker under the assault but manage to hold. Minakonian insignias decorate
the side of the warship indicating its allegiance to the senshi of love.
Undeterred, Jet Wolf readies her weapon for another shot. "When's the Fandub
coming out!" A voice booms out over the Warthog's loudspeakers.
It's Jet Wolf's turn to be puzzled and disturbed by the oft repeated
question and starts to automatically answer it, "Well Mark's been busy with
the..." "Ha! That was just a ploy to give me time to set up, a voice says
behind her. She turns to see Warthog standing there with a portable movie
screen and an overhead projector.
"Rei the goddess of characterization you say?" He sneered. Let me
I point out that your foul tempered, argumentative, leg-pinching temple maiden
is none other than a thinly veiled rehash of..." He paused to place a
transparancy on the projector. "Ususri Yatsura's Sakura!"
Jet Wolf just stood there dumfounded by the leap of illogic. "Yes,"
he continued, "Rei is nothing but a Takahasi comedy character with a paint
job!"
"Why... why are you doing this?" Jet Wolf stammered.
"I'm still a little peeved for being passed over for the southeastern
United States distributorship... but be that as it may, slander not our
revered lady of ditz and comedy. Sombody's got to break up all that
Rei-inspired, angst-filled, soul-searching and self-examination.
Actvating a hidden control, a powersuit formed around him. It was
golden in color, the gold of the goddess, with the helmet in a styalized shape
of a warthog's head. A back banner displayed an illuminated rendering of
Sailor Venus posed in her classic 'V' for victory pose. Jet Wolf aimed the
Fire Soul Buster at him and waited for Warthog to make the first move
"Give me 'Nurse Mina' or give me Death!" He cried out as he charged.
TBC?
Jason Bramlett
"That's a nice flame thrower you got there," says Jason suddenly
appearing a few feet from Jet Wolf. "Where in the world did you come
from?" she says eyeing him suspiciously. "Oh I don't know, all I
remember is eating a bag of pixie stix and feeling like I needed to go
run," he says searching his pockets for more.
"You know, y'all shouldn't be feuding. We should all try to get along.
No one sailor is better than the others. Well, actually Makoto could be
the best, she has the most talent. Hahahahahah, get it?
Hahahahaa...hey, what are you doing? Hey, don't point that thing at
me."
Narrowly dodging a blast of flames, Jason begins to run. He begins to
dodge each following blast with flips and rolls a la Speed Racer.
Seeing a crowd of furniture salesmen, he runs to them for cover. "She
wouldn't harm innocents," he mumbles to himself. Jet Wolf lets loose a
blast that oddly kills the salesmen but doesn't burn them. "I guess
not. Hey, who edited out the charred corpses," Jason yells pointing at
the bodies. "This is just like Speed Racer where people get shot and
die but there's no bullet wounds. Well, there was that one episode..."
As a blast of flames goes over his head, he remembers why he was
running. "What did I do with that set of power bands?" Searching every
pocket in his coat, Jason finds his weapon of choice. Stopping in his
tracks, he turns placing each glove on his hand. Doing his best
imitation of Space Ghost's arm switching, button pushing, and pointing,
he mumbles, "Now prepare to face the wrath of my spank ray." As the
flames engulf him, it is heard, "Stupid @$#%&! channel changing ray."
--
Attention Virgo! You thought Peggy Sue would be surprised by your
little spur of the moment visit. She was, you scared the pants off her,
literally. But fear not, that certain someone, who pointed out that you
had a booger on your shirt the other day, has forgotten the whole
incident. Heh heh
Zorak's Horror Scopes
Steve Allen Richards
"Shabon spray!"
"Aw, Christ," Warthog muttered as a thick fog covered the
battlefield. "Now, we've got to deal with her, too?"
Just then an entourage of gigantic tanks appear on the horizon.
Each one has a decal plastered onto the side of its camouflaged armor
panel with the words "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER." A fraction of the turrets
pointed into the battlefield and another group aimed skyward.
Ami herself appears from one of the protected tanks and her voice
booms out over a loudspeaker. "Someone here called me a 'cold-fish'."
Several snickers echoed throughout the camps but, nobody has the
guts to fess up.
"FINE!" Ami screamed and barked out a command toward her fleet of
supertanks. In turn, each tank unleashes powerful bolts of energy at the
enemies of Ami-chan. Explosions rock the Earth itself as the other
senshi patrons run for cover from shattered pieces of metal. Ami
activates her visor and locates an appropriate target namely: Jet Wolf.
"Impossible," one of the Rei brigade cried out. "Sailor Mars is
supposed to be the violent one. Ami-chan doesn't act like this."
"What? Didn't you watch my special? Can't you see that I am
wearing glasses now?" The lack of an answer was regarded as a negative
to Ami's eye. "Then DIE! Mercury Aqua Rhapsody."
Jet Wolf dives to safety just as the Aqua Rhapsody attack knocks
a large hole in a wandering Minako fanboy.
Ami shouts, "you won't be so lucky next time." and ducks into the
safety of her tank in preparation of the remainder of the battle.
--
________________________________________________________________________Things you don't hear every day #14 | Steve Allen Richards
| The Thane of Cawdor
"How do you keep your back hair so nice?"| <caw...@sgi.net>
Belial
>>(OK, I'm ready to shut up about Rei now. I've said it
>>in how many posts?)
>Rei-chan too much...
> -=Jet Wolf
> Secretly plotting to topple the Empire of Ami Fans.
;P Bee-da! You Rei-fans are too impetuous and
disorganized to ever threaten the mighty empire
of Ami-fandom!!! (strikes dramatic pose with
lightning flashing in background) BWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!
<grin> Er, I mean... yeah, right. ;)
Belial
ult...@aol.com
In article <5coepp$e...@camel0.mindspring.com>, f...@jhk.com (Warthog)-
writes:
> Actvating a hidden control, a powersuit formed around him. It
was
>golden in color, the gold of the goddess, with the helmet in a styalized
>shape
>of a warthog's head. A back banner displayed an illuminated rendering of
>Sailor Venus posed in her classic 'V' for victory pose. Jet Wolf aimed
the
>Fire Soul Buster at him and waited for Warthog to make the first move
>
> "Give me 'Nurse Mina' or give me Death!" He cried out as he
charged.
`What I need now is for someone to join me...' Jet Wolf pondered to
herself. Between the Amichanians and the paired Minakochanians, it was not
looking good for the Reichanians...
Warthog nobly stopped in mid-charge as Jet Wolf turned around to look
behind her; after all, it wouldn't be honorable to strike someone
[especially a lady] from behind. Jet Wolf had turned to look at the
pathetic boy behind her, kneeling on the ground in sorrow.
"Oh! Beloved Rei-chan!" he whined. "So spiritually pure and
intrinsically beautiful! And yet, wonderful Mako-chan... Veluptuous and
sensual, with such passion in her soul!" He gasped the two trading cards
to his chest. "I cannot bear to choose between them which side I will
take!"
Jet Wolf looked at him drolly. "Cut the Kuno-act..." She held up the
Fire Soul Buster. "How about you join me, lest they call you Toasty-Boy
from now on."
He blinked at her. With a quick motion, the Mako-chan trading card was
tossed into the wind, only to, several miles away, smack in the face a
poor unfortunate, who, upon visiting 83 Toys R Uses, found that every one
was out of Sailor Moon Cardzillion cards. But now, she had been blessed
with one. She took it as a sign from above and stepped away from the ledge
she was going to jump from.
Back at the battle, Ultrace gestured towards the Fire Soul Buster. "I
don't suppose you have another one of those handy?"
Jet Wolf rolled her eyes. "Oh, yes. Right in my pocket here, alongside
my... HEY!" she yelled, backing away from him as he advanced on the
pocket. "I was kidding. Go find your own instrument of destruction!"
Ultrace made a few quick motions to indicate a time-out, then ran out of
the distance. A few seconds later, he reappeared, holding a spray can and
lighter. "Yoshi! Now prepare to feel my wrath!"
As a demonstration of his power, he flicked the lighter while depressing
the spray can. Unfortunately, the ensuing tongue of flame only extended
about four inches, making his attack capabilties only slightly lower than
the Pink Sugar Heart Attack.
Everyone else developed sweatdrops. "Maybe I'd be better off if you
joined their side," Jet Wolf said.
Warthog, thoroughly impatient with the whole charade, continued his
charge...
--------
Mike
Current SM Project: "The World Without." (1 day...)
Upcoming: "ACS."
My Homepage: http://members.aol.com/ultrace/darkside/darkside.htm
--------
Jet Wolf
Jason Bramlett wrote:
> Doing his best imitation of Space Ghost's arm switching, button
> pushing, and pointing, he mumbles, "Now prepare to face the wrath of my
> spank ray." As the flames engulf him, it is heard, "Stupid @$#%&!
> channel changing ray."
Jet Wolf looks upon the twitching frame of a Speed Racer otaku and guy
who watches far too much Cartoon Planet with a sick smile of
satisfaction. Raising the point of the Fire Soul Buster to her lips, she
blows away the smoke rising from the Mars Symbol that marks the passage
for the lethal (and pretty!) flames.
"THAT'S what you get for playing peace maker. And for using the word
'ya'll'. And for not sharing your pixie stixs!"
Satisified that the Not Really A Threat has been vanquished, Jet Wolf
triumphantly returns to where she had left off, with the sudden
appearance of yet another Minakonian (damn them, they're too much like
their idol -- too insanely happy and optimistic [and INSANE] to know when
to quit!)
Warthog wrote:
> Suddenly, The U.S.S. Warthog drops out of lurkspace between Jet Wolf
> and her intended target, taking the Fire Soul Buster Blast. The screens
> flicker under the assault but manage to hold. Minakonian insignias decorate
> the side of the warship indicating its allegiance to the senshi of love.
> Undeterred, Jet Wolf readies her weapon for another shot. "When's the Fandub
> coming out!" A voice booms out over the Warthog's loudspeakers.
> It's Jet Wolf's turn to be puzzled and disturbed by the oft repeated
> question and starts to automatically answer it, "Well Mark's been busy with
> the..." "Ha! That was just a ploy to give me time to set up, a voice says
> behind her. She turns to see Warthog standing there with a portable movie
> screen and an overhead projector.
> "Rei the goddess of characterization you say?" He sneered. Let me
> I point out that your foul tempered, argumentative, leg-pinching temple maiden
> is none other than a thinly veiled rehash of..." He paused to place a
> transparancy on the projector. "Ususri Yatsura's Sakura!"
> Jet Wolf just stood there dumfounded by the leap of illogic. "Yes,"
> he continued, "Rei is nothing but a Takahasi comedy character with a paint
> job!"
> "Why... why are you doing this?" Jet Wolf stammered.
> "I'm still a little peeved for being passed over for the southeastern
> United States distributorship... but be that as it may, slander not our
> revered lady of ditz and comedy. Sombody's got to break up all that
> Rei-inspired, angst-filled, soul-searching and self-examination.
>
> Actvating a hidden control, a powersuit formed around him. It was
> golden in color, the gold of the goddess, with the helmet in a styalized shape
> of a warthog's head. A back banner displayed an illuminated rendering of
> Sailor Venus posed in her classic 'V' for victory pose. Jet Wolf aimed the
> Fire Soul Buster at him and waited for Warthog to make the first move
>
> "Give me 'Nurse Mina' or give me Death!" He cried out as he
> charged.
"I'll give you better than death," Jet Wolf snarled, "I'll give you a
fashion tip! Really, 'stylized shape of a warthog's head'? Where's
Timon, Pumbaa?"
Jet Wolf side stepped Warthog's charge with an agility that probably
shouldn't be hers, but she's writing this part so it will be. She again
leveled the Fire Soul Buster at the strangely dressed Minakonian. "And
for your information, I've seen very little 'UY', so your analogy is lost
on me. Nyahh. My devotion to the Priestess shall never waver!!"
The scenery surrounding Jet Wolf faded from the triumphant flames and
long-cast shadows that it had become back to .... well, wherever
everyone's fighting at. Sadly, the Reichanian was laughing insanely --
because there should *always* be insane laughter at some point -- so she
missed Warthog's latest attack on her person. Jet Wolf went flying, Fire
Soul Buster imbedding itself painfully into her back. The SD-Mars looked
none-too-happy at having its met the ground in such an
up-close-and-personal manner.
Shakily, she got to her feet (and bid herself to hurry because she had to
leave for work in half an hour) and glared at the Captain, who looked as
smug as one in a helmet like that CAN look. "You'll... You'll PAY for
that! For my cleaning bill! I think I got my *own* trenchcoat dirty!"
Her eyes narrowed as she charged up the power on the Fire Soul Buster.
The SD-Mars crouched down, squeezing her eyes shut and putting her
fingers in her ears.
"Yes, I remember what you did to Rei-chan. How Ferrite caused her to be
eternally unhappy by wrecking things between her and Endymion.
Urusenai... URUSENAI!!"
Ultrace wrote:
> `What I need now is for someone to join me...' Jet Wolf pondered to
>herself.
-huge snip!-
> Warthog, thoroughly impatient with the whole charade, continued his
>charge...
....which is, of course, his latest charge and not the first one. Jet
Wolf was about to apologize to Warthog for not thinking up any new
attacks for him when...
Steve Allen Richards wrote:
> "Shabon spray!"
-'nother huge snip!-
> "Aw, Christ," Warthog muttered as a thick fog covered the
> battlefield. "Now, we've got to deal with her, too?"
>
> Just then an entourage of gigantic tanks appear on the horizon.
> Each one has a decal plastered onto the side of its camouflaged armor
> panel with the words "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER." A fraction of the turrets
> pointed into the battlefield and another group aimed skyward.
>
> Ami herself appears from one of the protected tanks and her voice
> booms out over a loudspeaker. "Someone here called me a 'cold-fish'."
>
> Several snickers echoed throughout the camps but, nobody has the
> guts to fess up.
>
> "FINE!" Ami screamed and barked out a command toward her fleet of
> supertanks. In turn, each tank unleashes powerful bolts of energy at the
> enemies of Ami-chan. Explosions rock the Earth itself as the other
> senshi patrons run for cover from shattered pieces of metal. Ami
> activates her visor and locates an appropriate target namely: Jet Wolf.
>
> "Impossible," one of the Rei brigade cried out. "Sailor Mars is
> supposed to be the violent one. Ami-chan doesn't act like this."
>
> "What? Didn't you watch my special? Can't you see that I am
> wearing glasses now?" The lack of an answer was regarded as a negative
> to Ami's eye. "Then DIE! Mercury Aqua Rhapsody."
> Jet Wolf dives to safety just as the Aqua Rhapsody attack
> knocks a large hole in a wandering Minako fanboy.
>
> Ami shouts, "you won't be so lucky next time." and ducks into
> the safety of her tank in preparation of the remainder of the battle.
Jet Wolf peers behind the bush that she's currently cowering in, checking
out the battlefield before turning to Ultrace. "Well, what are you
waiting for, go get her!"
Ultrace ignores her, having far too much fun discovering the joys of
aerosol ignition.
With a sigh, Jet Wolf looks around at the situation. Where there are two
Minakonia starships, there could possibly be more. The Amichanians have
apparently abandoned their defensive ways and are on a blood hunt. "Damn
them for giving Ami-chan a special!" Jet Wolf mutters under her breath.
The Makonians had yet to make their appearance, but it was really only a
matter of time. And everyone knew how violent THEY could be. Then there
were the mysterious Outer Camps ... mysterious as they were loyal to
their own Goddesses. And supremely powerful. And they had cooler music.
But Jet Wolf, she had the FIRES OF JUS-- No, best not to go there again.
She had her Fire Soul Buster, an assistant who likened himself to
Chibi-Usa (never A Good Thing), and her own devotion to what she KNEW to
be the truth.
No doubt, it would be a long, hard battle. But, perhaps more
importantly, it gave her something new to think about at work that
night....
-=Jet Wolf
Who's currently enjoyed a.f.s-m more today
than she has seen last summer. ^_^
Nightman
Belial wrote:
>
> > -=Jet Wolf
> > Secretly plotting to topple the Empire of Ami Fans.
>
> ;P Bee-da! You Rei-fans are too impetuous and
> disorganized to ever threaten the mighty empire
> of Ami-fandom!!! (strikes dramatic pose with
> lightning flashing in background) BWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!
> <grin> Er, I mean... yeah, right. ;)
>
> Belial
Suddenly, out of the darkness, a shower of glowing golden meteorites
cascade out of the sky like a thousand falling stars. Belial ducks as
one incoming meteor nearly cleaves his mohawk in half. Gingerly picking
it up, he discovers it's a half-melted video tape. 'Sailor Senshi V...what the?'
he says in puzzlement. 'OH!' he says as it clicks.
Up in high orbit, a golden starship orbits.
"The Amichanians and Reichanians are confused!" one boy cried.
"All hail our beautiful goddess of love senshi!" cries another.
*Whip Crack* "Enough idle chatter...back to work!" cries Artemis.
"Reload Video Torpedoes! Charge main Crescent Beam banks!"
"Today...the Minako Empire Makes it's move! V for Venus! V for Victory!"
.....to be continued?
Nightman
*Who knows he's gonna get it for this one...*
Bridgewalker J, the Chestnut Cockatiel
Cool story. Will it continue?
I'm sorry, but we all know that Ami is the best. That's just common knowledge.
(Okay, so it's an opinion. Le'me 'lone.)
--
Bridgewalker J, the Chestnut Cockatiel [spe...@swbell.net]
— http://www.watchtower.org —
Jet Wolf
Nightman wrote:
> That was silly fun.
Wasn't it though? I'm interested to see Belial's counter-attack. If
nothing else, it's guaranteed to be different. ^_-
> I *DO* wonder who'll take up Makoto's side of things...
I dunno, Mako definately has a pretty strong fanbase...
> we all know Wendy will do Hotaru-chan's. ;)
<nodding> If she can get on, that is. :P
> #The fires of LOVE are burning...#
Gods, I think that was Mars' worst DiC speech ever.
-=Jet Wolf
"I won't let ANYONE spoil a persons'... No, even
a KITTY'S chance at romance!" Gag me.
...but, it frightens me that I have that speech memorized.
Jason Bramlett
Jet Wolf wrote:
>
> Jason Bramlett wrote:
>
> > Doing his best imitation of Space Ghost's arm switching, button
> > pushing, and pointing, he mumbles, "Now prepare to face the wrath of my
> > spank ray." As the flames engulf him, it is heard, "Stupid @$#%&!
> > channel changing ray."
>
> Jet Wolf looks upon the twitching frame of a Speed Racer otaku and guy
> who watches far too much Cartoon Planet with a sick smile of
> satisfaction. Raising the point of the Fire Soul Buster to her lips, she
> blows away the smoke rising from the Mars Symbol that marks the passage
> for the lethal (and pretty!) flames.
>
> "THAT'S what you get for playing peace maker. And for using the word
> 'ya'll'. And for not sharing your pixie stixs!"
>
> Satisified that the Not Really A Threat has been vanquished, Jet Wolf
> triumphantly returns to where she had left off, with the sudden
> appearance of yet another Minakonian (damn them, they're too much like
> their idol -- too insanely happy and optimistic [and INSANE] to know when
> to quit!)
As Jet Wolf walks away, she doesn't notice that Jason has raised a hand
pointing at her. "Owwwwww, that hurt...you'll hear from my lawyer," he
mumbles as his arm falls to the ground. "I can't die now, I haven't
seen the star wars special edition yet..." he trails off as he slips
into a coma.
As the battle of the sailor factions continue, Jason is in what seems to
him to be heaven. A bright light appears before him, "Are you an
angel," he asks timidly. "No, you goofy kid, it's me, Brak." "Then I
must really be in heaven." "Haha, gotcha there kid, I really am an
angel, just assuming the guise of someone you'd trust." "Hey, angels
aren't supposed to do stuff like that." "Too bad, we can do what we
want," says the angel laughing at him, "Oh yeah, it isn't time for you
to die, you have to go back." "No way, I like it here, it's like
peaceful and everything. Just send four guys to replace me like they
did with Superman. I know, you could use Ultra 7, John Shaft, Chim
chim, and Boba Fett." "Ehhh, you goofy kid, go back to earth," says the
angel smacking Jason upside the head.
"Hey, you stupid...paramedic?" "Sorry, we didn't mean to drop you on
your head." "So it was just a dream," Jason mutters to himself. "I
don't know why somebody called us, they said you were toasted, but you
have no burns," stated the paramedic. "Oh, that...ummmm...it got edited
out. Hey, could you guys bandage my face so I'd look like the Unknown
Soldier, he's pretty cool." "Who's that?" asked the confused EMT.
"He's this sorta obscure DC comic char..ah, nevermind," Jason replies as
he climbs out of the ambulance.
Jason looks off into the distance seeing the battle that laid before
him. Raising a fist towards the sky he shouts, "Jet Wolf, I'll show you
I can be a threat and there is no such thing as too much Cartoon
Planet!" Heading inside the local Wal-Mart, he mumbles "To be on the
safe side, I'll buy her some pixie stix. Maybe, just maybe it'll keep
me from being roasted alive again."
the *original* Sailor Saturn
Jason Bramlett <jbr...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>Jason looks off into the distance seeing the battle that laid before
>him. Raising a fist towards the sky he shouts, "Jet Wolf, I'll show you
>I can be a threat and there is no such thing as too much Cartoon
>Planet!" Heading inside the local Wal-Mart, he mumbles "To be on the
>safe side, I'll buy her some pixie stix. Maybe, just maybe it'll keep
>me from being roasted alive again."
Somewhere on New Optera, Wendy the Invid sympathizer looked over the
newsgroup, giggling insanely to herself, and decides...
It's time to join the thread!
***
As the ami, Minako, Makoto, and Rei fans war with each other, a
clam-shaped troopcarrier opens up and disgorges strange-looking mecha
known as Invid Shocktroopers, Enforcers, Crann, and Odeons. Leading the
attack is Wendy Chronos, in a Royal mecha in the same design as Corg and
Sera's.
"Ahhhhahahahaha! Foolish otaku-wannabes! The Inner Senshi are NOTHING
compared to the great and lovely Outer Senshi! Neptune, the most
beautiful of all senshi, Mercury is nothing compared to her. Neptune is
beauty, compassion, royalty, and her Deep Submerge is far greater than all
the attacks of Mercury combined. Uranus, the strongest and most
handsome of the senshi. She can kick Jupiter so bad she'd be in traction
for life! Saturn, the prettiest and saddest of the senshi, she never had
a true life, she is the most powerful of the planetary senshi. She can
slice Venus's head off with that elegantly deadly Silence Glaive! Pluto,
the most mysterious, the kindest of the Senshi, she can control time and
therefore can make it so that NONE of the InnerSenshi were ever born!"
Wendy laughs like a certain mad scientist, and promptly stops when she
spots the guys who were gay-bashing Haruka and Michiru.
"Do you have a problem with the lesbian senshi, fascist?"
the little guy nods.
Wendy snarls and points an annihiliation-disc cannon at him and fires.
"SHINEI!"
***
Okay, enough silliness from me for now. I like this!
Wendy/FSC Sailor Callisto
*is expecting flames to come her way*
Nightman
The Happy Hindu wrote:
>
>
> While the Minako-lovers, the Rei-Followers, and the Ami-Devotees were all
> arguing about who was best, a lone figure with a trenchcoat and a ponytail
> was quietly walking around the battle tying thin metal wires to the
> principle players. Once everyone was hooked up, he looked up at the sky
> and smiled. There were clouds were ripe with thunder. Attached to all
> the wires was a small rocket. With a press of a button, the rocket sped
> off into the clouds. "Supreme Thunder," muttered the Hindu. Instantly, a
> giant bolt of lightning came down from the heavens, promptly shocking
> everyone in sight who had been wired in.
> Meanwhile, on the starship Aphrodite...
"Can't you find one trenchcoat-wearing mohawked Amian with the scanners??" screeched
Artemis. "He's the first and definitely the most-dangerous of them!"
"I'm sorry sir! There are too many trenchcoat wearers down there! We thought we had a
fix on Belial but it turned out it was Jetwolf --Hey, I *didn't know* she did Erica's
voice in the fandub, so sue me!"
Artemis slapped his paw down on a big red button on his chair and the fanboy was
vaporized in a sensual beam of golden light. A deep....well baritone...well, not as
deep as Jetwolf's but kind of mellow in it's own way...anyway! A voice came from behind
him.
"Hmm. The tanks were unexpected. I guess *I'll* have to get involved."
Artemis nodded. "You'd better drop your trenchcoat...we don't want to confuse you with
the forces down there."
"Very well, the brown leather jacket then..."
Meanwhile, Scott's lightning trick had depleted quite a bit of the shabon...er, the fog,
and most of the milling Amians were stunned.
JetWolf took careful aim at the front treads of the lead tank, which, suspiciously, had
2 shocks of blue hair emerging from it. "Fire Soul Buster....TWO!" she cried as she and
Ultrace crossed the streams of their weapons.
The tank was disabled.
"Curses!" muttered Amichan. "Foiled by the inappropriate use of AEROSOL products! How
politically incorrect!"
Jet Wolf and Ultrace exchanged a wicked grin and went to high-five. Just then, as the
opening chord of "Possession" by Sarah McLaughlin was strummed on a guitar, a bicolored
pink and white rose whipped through the air between them and embeded itself in the
ground in front of the tank.
They looked up at the figure standing on a rock not too far away from them.
"Ha!" I said. "You mocked the 'Love & Beauty Shock,' now let's really get personal!
And Rei IS just a re-hash of Sakura from Urusei Yatsura! Taste the barbed beauty of the
Kordes Perfecta!" I cried out as I leapt into the air and tossed several pink roses at
the startled duo.
To be continued....
if that ICBM doesn't find me first....
ult...@aol.com
In article <19970130023...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
lunet...@aol.com (Lunette339) writes:
>"Umm... Excuse me, but in the name of Jupiter, I'm going to have to
>punch YOU!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit pointed at Jet Wolf.
>
>"Okay, no screen grabs for you little missy." Jet Wolf responded.
>
>"AARGH!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit reached around Jet Wolf, grabbed Ultrace's
>neck in one hand and lifted him off the ground. "YOU! Tell me why you
>think *Mars* is the best, that I, and the MANY OTHERS WHO WILL SOON BE
>RALLYING TO MY SIDE," she said loudly, "...may punish your blasphemy!"
Ultrace managed to choke out a few words, which were completely
unintelligible, while frantically indicating that air would be a very good
thing right about now. Had the words actually been understood they would
have been something like "She kicks butt, her fire's cool, and who can
forget the little sticky-note thingy?"
Unfortunately, they were NOT understood.
"Allow me to translate what he's really saying for you," Belial said,
popping up out of nowhere in particular with an evil grin on his face. He
leaned over and whispered into Sailor Jessica Rabbit's ear.
Sailor Jessica Rabbit turned to Ultrace, with her eyes blazing. "Why,
you...!" she said, tightening her grip. "Pervert!"
Ultrace shook his head vehemently to indicate that what Belial had said
could not possibly be the truth. This denial was cut short by his passing
out a few seconds later, effectively removing him from the battle for now.
Belial slunk off to wherever he had previously disappeared to, which
wasn't difficult since the field had suddenly become shrouded in fog.
Sailor Jessica Rabbit turned...
--------
Mike
Current SM Project: "The World Without." (Up now)
[Andres Hetzel]
In article <32EFAB...@ix.netcom.com>, Jet says...
then
>Nightman wrote:
Then Warthog, then Jason, then Hindu, then jessica, then.....
FOR YOUR SOULS'S SAKE. STOP THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!
STOP OR WE WILL ALL BE DOOMED!!!!
Soon someone's going to come to Zoisite's defense, and then the
others will join against him, and there will be four or five
Sailors Earth discussing who's the real one, and then Zaffiru
and Esmeraude will try to take over the fast food marketplace
selling Big Mc Chibis (Rabbit burgers) to the contestants,
and it's all going to turn into the Global Sailor Moon Insanity
Thread!!!! [GSMIT]
Alt.fan.sailor-moon can't be allowed to suffer such a calamity!!!!
(For whoever doesn't know, the Global Ranma Insanity Thread [GRIT]
is a monster: an ongoig otaku-war-fic that started just like this one
about an year ago in rec.arts.anime.misc, and now takes up about half
the bandwith of that newsgroup - with the other half being taken up by
discussions about whether they should move that thread to its own
newsgroup).
SO HEED MY WORDS FOOLS: REPENT FROM YOUR SINFUL ACTS NOW, WHILE IT'S
STILL TIME, BEFORE SAILOR SATURN DECIDES TO CLEANSE THIS EVIL WITH HER
NEWSGROUP RIBBON REVOLUTION, AND BE SAVED!!!
STOP THE GSMIT BEFORE IT SPREADS!!!
Andres Hetzel (ahe...@hotmail.com)
(Only half kidding; still, nobody take too much offence all right? :))
Jet Wolf
The Happy Hindu wrote:
> With a press of a button, the rocket sped off into the clouds.
> "Supreme Thunder," muttered the Hindu. Instantly, a giant bolt of
> lightning came down from the heavens, promptly shocking everyone
> in sight who had been wired in.
After a few moments of silence washed over the battlefield, the
combants, groaning and charred, stumbled to their feet. Jet Wolf
surveyed the damage, leaning on the business end of the Fire Soul
Buster for support. "That was strangely invigorating," she thought
to herself as a bolt of electricity streaked through her hair,
leaving it looking even more of a mess than usual.
"But you still tried to wuss out, Scott. We'll get you for that
yet. URUSENAI!" Jet Wolf screamed to the heavens once again, just
because it's a fun word.
Nightman wrote:
> "Ha!" I said. "You mocked the 'Love & Beauty Shock,' now let's
> really get personal! And Rei IS just a re-hash of Sakura from
> Urusei Yatsura! Taste the barbed beauty of the Kordes Perfecta!"
> I cried out as I leapt into the air and tossed several pink roses
> at the startled duo.
Leveling the Fire Soul Buster at the flying flora (and making a
mental note to get a new weapon really soon), Jet Wolf's mouth
turned up in a wicked grin, getting a sadistic thrill from the
senseless destruction.
She was also awarded five bonus points for barbecuing a rogue
Amichanian who was so engrossed in the latest Ami-related posts to
alt.sex.fetish.sailor-moon that he never saw what hit him. But at
least he died with a smile on his face.
Jet Wolf cast a glance over her shoulder to try and confer with
Ultrace on a battle plan against their latest threat, only to see
him being throttled to death by an irrate young lady wearing a
jacket covered with bits of cloth that seemed to be talking to each
another. Nearby, a slightly glowing figure in a stylized helmet was
looking on with a bemused smile -- well, she assumed it was a
bemused smile. She was still puzzling out that helmet thing.
Wisely, she decided not to get involved. Should Ultrace regain
consciousness later, she'd send him on an espionage mission to
infiltrate the Amichanian defenses.
Maybe she'd even get lucky and he'd join them.
The sound-effect of a rose being thrown with enough force to imbed
in concrete returned her thoughts to the current dilemma in front of
her, that of a mysterious new warrior going against form by NOT
wearing a trenchcoat. How non-vogue.
"Hmph. And who might YOU be?" she asked, trying to buy some time
for the author to think of what to do next.
"I am the terror that flaps-- Oh, no wait. I am the courageous soul
of Darien who...no, that's not it." The man frowned for a few
moments. Finally, his eyes brightened up as the speech he had
prepared came back to him. He adjusted his jacket and produced
several more pink and white roses, holding them at the ready for an
all-out, and very nicely animated, introduction speech.
It was a shame that after all that effort he never got the chance....
The *Original* Sailor Saturn wrote:
> As the ami, Minako, Makoto, and Rei fans war with each other, a
> clam-shaped troopcarrier opens up and disgorges strange-looking
> mecha known as Invid Shocktroopers, Enforcers, Crann, and Odeons.
Jet Wolf recognizes the word "Invid" and pats herself on the back.
> Leading the attack is Wendy Chronos, in a Royal mecha in the same
> design as Corg and Sera's.
>
> "Ahhhhahahahaha! Foolish otaku-wannabes! The Inner Senshi are
> NOTHING compared to the great and lovely Outer Senshi!
Warthog tries to defute this statement, but Wendy is on a roll and
will have none of it.
> Neptune, the most beautiful of all senshi, Mercury is nothing
> compared to her. Neptune is beauty, compassion, royalty, and her
> Deep Submerge is far greater than all the attacks of Mercury
> combined.
Several of the Amichanian fanboys start whining and calling up
numerous computer-geek files showing statistically how inaccurate
Wendy's claims are. With the push of a button, one of the mecha
directs an EM burst at the Blue Camps. Seconds later, explosions
rock the battlefield, effectively blowing every bit of electronic
equipment into itsy-bitsy electronic parts. Wails and sobs at the
unnecessary computer slaughter filter from the smoldering ruins, but
fall on deaf ears as Wendy's tirade continues.
> Uranus, the strongest and most handsome of the senshi. She can
> kick Jupiter so bad she'd be in traction for life!
Sailor Jessica Rabbit stops kicking Ultrace's still form. "How can
you say that! Uranus only beat Jupiter in episode 96 because
Mako-chan was weakened! I can't forgive such an obvious neglection
of detail! In the name of Jupiter, I'LL PUNCH YOU!"
Wendy shoots Jessica a look that could halt the
previously-mentioned-in-a-whole-other-note
powerful locomotive. An evil grin, bordering on insane, spreads
across her face as she produces a hammer bearing some disparaging
remarks about MMPR fans. Jessica deside to back down for now and
try her hand again later.
> Saturn, the prettiest and saddest of the senshi, she never had
> a true life, she is the most powerful of the planetary senshi.
> She can slice Venus's head off with that elegantly deadly Silence
> Glaive!
"But," Scott begins, still somewhat miffed that his speech was
interrupted, "Minako is so beautiful and funny and..." He trails
off, looking at the flowers clutched in his fist. Memories of
Minako flood into his mind.... Minako fighting, Minako shooting,
Minako tripping, Minako destroying property, Minako beating on
Artemis... All of these images and more empower him to stare upwards
at the hovering army of mecha-from-another-anime unflinchingly.
"Besides, Minako is the TRUE leader of the Sailor Senshi! All of
them, including the Outers! I know, for I read 'Obligations'!!"
Sadly, Wendy got tired of waiting for Scott's thoughts to arrange
themselves and she'd moved on.
> Pluto, the most mysterious, the kindest of the Senshi, she can
> control time and therefore can make it so that NONE of the
> InnerSenshi were ever born!"
Jet Wolf's ears perk up, as she realizes that Wendy has given her an
opening! She didn't actually criticize Rei-chan by name! Yes,
perhaps this could be her chance to strike that final, deciding
blow, and prove once and for all that Sailor Mars is *THE* Best
Senshi! She would need time to plan a way to use this new insight
to her Goddess' advantage....
> Wendy laughs like a certain mad scientist, and promptly stops when
> she spots the guys who were gay-bashing Haruka and Michiru.
>
> "Do you have a problem with the lesbian senshi, fascist?"
>
> the little guy nods.
>
> Wendy snarls and points an annihiliation-disc cannon at him and
> fires. "SHINEI!"
After what the author assumes was a fantastic explosion (although
she wouldn't really know, having ever SEEN an annihilation-disc
cannon before), all that remained of the lesbian-bashers was a
smoldering picture of Adolf Eichmann.
Jet Wolf looked up from where she had been thrown and surveyed the
damage. "They had that coming."
Wendy Chronos maniacal laugher continued as a conviniently dramatic
wind swept across the battlefield.....
-=Jet Wolf
Who figures that if she had spent this long on it,
Forebearers pt.2 would ALREADY be finished...
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"What are we going to do about Mark?"
"Put him on a plane or have him killed."
===================================================================
Lunette339
Ultrace wrote:
>> Actvating a hidden control, a powersuit formed around him. It
was
>>golden in color, the gold of the goddess, with the helmet in a styalized
>>shape
>>of a warthog's head. A back banner displayed an illuminated rendering
of
>>Sailor Venus posed in her classic 'V' for victory pose. Jet Wolf aimed
the
>>Fire Soul Buster at him and waited for Warthog to make the first move
>>
>> "Give me 'Nurse Mina' or give me Death!" He cried out as he
charged.
>
> `What I need now is for someone to join me...' Jet Wolf pondered to
>herself. Between the Amichanians and the paired Minakochanians, it was
not
>looking good for the Reichanians...
> Warthog nobly stopped in mid-charge as Jet Wolf turned around to look
>behind her; after all, it wouldn't be honorable to strike someone
>[especially a lady] from behind. Jet Wolf had turned to look at the
>pathetic boy behind her, kneeling on the ground in sorrow.
> "Oh! Beloved Rei-chan!" he whined. "So spiritually pure and
>intrinsically beautiful! And yet, wonderful Mako-chan... Veluptuous and
>sensual, with such passion in her soul!" He gasped the two trading cards
>to his chest. "I cannot bear to choose between them which side I will
>take!"
> Jet Wolf looked at him drolly. "Cut the Kuno-act..." She held up the
>Fire Soul Buster. "How about you join me, lest they call you Toasty-Boy
>from now on."
> He blinked at her. With a quick motion, the Mako-chan trading card was
>tossed into the wind, only to, several miles away, smack in the face a
>poor unfortunate, who, upon visiting 83 Toys R Uses, found that every one
>was out of Sailor Moon Cardzillion cards. But now, she had been blessed
>with one. She took it as a sign from above and stepped away from the
ledge
>she was going to jump from.
"Hmm, someone must have abandoned this precious Mako-card!" she gasped,
and hurried towards all the shouting and flaming (Literally) that was
going on somewhere upwind.
> Back at the battle, Ultrace gestured towards the Fire Soul Buster. "I
>don't suppose you have another one of those handy?"
> Jet Wolf rolled her eyes. "Oh, yes. Right in my pocket here, alongside
>my... HEY!" she yelled, backing away from him as he advanced on the
>pocket. "I was kidding. Go find your own instrument of destruction!"
> Ultrace made a few quick motions to indicate a time-out, then ran out
of
>the distance. A few seconds later, he reappeared, holding a spray can and
>lighter. "Yoshi! Now prepare to feel my wrath!"
> As a demonstration of his power, he flicked the lighter while
depressing
>the spray can. Unfortunately, the ensuing tongue of flame only extended
>about four inches, making his attack capabilties only slightly lower than
>the Pink Sugar Heart Attack.
> Everyone else developed sweatdrops. "Maybe I'd be better off if you
>joined their side," Jet Wolf said.
> Warthog, thoroughly impatient with the whole charade, continued his
>charge...
Jet Wolf looked on, unworried, brandishing her Fire Soul Buster while
Ultrace tried to hide behind her. "Yeah, I'm not scared of you, Venusian!"
Jet Wolf yelled, and proceeded to recite an obcene limerick, the first
line of which ended in "Venus."
Warthog snarled in anger, but just as the two forces were about to clash,
he suddenly veered aside. "Hey! It's you!" He pointed at a mysterious
figure.
"Yes it is me!" yelled the ledge-jumping girl, suddenly revealed to be
Sailor Jessica Rabbit's author. She clutched her Makoto card tightly.
"It's no mistake that Jessica and Jupiter both start with J! This otaku
war can not go on without the contribution of a *true warrior's* diehard
fan!Just as Zeus was King of of the Gods, so is his planet Jupiter the
Queen of the Senshis! Staunch as a tree, powerful as the storm, talented
as... a talented person! More powerful than a locomotive!" Everyone
developed sweatdrops at this incredibly stupid spech.
"And in the name of Jupiter... I'LL PUNCH YOU!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit
yelled, running towards Warthog.
"Hey wait a minute, where's that critique of the latest chapter of
Trenchcoat Mask you promised?" challenged Warthog.
"Umm..." Sailor Jessica Rabbit turned and ran the other way. "Excuse me,
but in the name of Jupiter, I'm going to have to punch YOU!" she pointed
at Jet Wolf.
"Okay, no screen grabs for you little missy." Jet Wolf responded.
"AARGH!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit reached around Jet Wolf, grabbed Ultrace's
neck in one hand and lifted him off the ground. "YOU! Tell me why you
think *Mars* is the best, that I, and the MANY OTHERS WHO WILL SOON BE
RALLYING TO MY SIDE," she said loudly, "...may punish your blasphemy!"
* * *
Hee hee... this is fun!
Jupiter Rules!
Sailor Jessica Rabbit
^-^
the *original* Sailor Saturn wrote:
>
>
> As the ami, Minako, Makoto, and Rei fans war with each other, a
> clam-shaped troopcarrier opens up and disgorges strange-looking mecha
> attack is Wendy Chronos, in a Royal mecha in the same design as Corg and
> Sera's.
>
> "Ahhhhahahahaha! Foolish otaku-wannabes! The Inner Senshi are NOTHING
> beautiful of all senshi, Mercury is nothing compared to her. Neptune is
> beauty, compassion, royalty, and her Deep Submerge is far greater than all
> handsome of the senshi. She can kick Jupiter so bad she'd be in traction
> a true life, she is the most powerful of the planetary senshi. She can
> the most mysterious, the kindest of the Senshi, she can control time and
> therefore can make it so that NONE of the InnerSenshi were ever born!"
>
> spots the guys who were gay-bashing Haruka and Michiru.
>
> "Do you have a problem with the lesbian senshi, fascist?"
>
> the little guy nods.
>
> Wendy snarls and points an annihiliation-disc cannon at him and fires.
> "SHINEI!"
>
>
> Okay, enough silliness from me for now. I like this!
>
> Wendy/FSC Sailor Callisto
> *is expecting flames to come her way*
In the midst of the chaos, a familiar green dinosaur flies overhead.
"Yoshi," it muttered. This wasn't looking good... and now some wacko in
a mech was dragging the outer senshi into this.
Yoshi winged back to the camp of Serenity to reported in.
"Yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi
yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi
yoshi!"
[Yoshi's language, for all you non-video game people, consists of only
one word: yoshi. Its how you say it that makes all the difference.]
"That bad, eh?" Usagi replied. "This is crazy! It goes against
everything the moon kingdom stands for! I mean, like, my name is even
Serena, and Princess Serenity, or Selenity, or whatever!" she said,
obviously aggravated. "This is not very serene!!!!!!!!"
"Yo-shi!" ["Agreed!"]
"This has got to stop before they tear apart the world, the one we are
_supposed_ to protect, apart! Yoshi, go find Setsuna please. I know she
doesn't have any part in this, no matter what that mech girl said,
because I talked to her yesterday."
~flachback~
Setsuna is talking to Usagi.
"It's not looking to good. All the otaku have divided into Reichanians,
Amichanians, Minakochanians and Makochanians. They are violent and
beyond the point of caring. I haven't seen any other chanians, but it
won't be too long before some other crazy otaku starts taking up the
outer senshi's sides, whether or not we care to participate."
Usagi pondered her choices. "I'll ask Yoshi to take a closer look at
things, then I'll talk to you again sometime tomorrow."
Setsuna nodded. "Sounds good. If it gets too bad, you will have to
become Princess Serenity and then we will have to combine our power to
stop this. However, the results on the fabric of time could be
disastarous."
"There's no easy way out, is there?" Usagi asked.
"No, there isn't," she agreed.
They both sighed simultaneously.
~end flashback~
As Yoshi flew off, Usagi stood still, thinking. 'I know how I'm
supposed to be strong, and the leader, and all that other stuff... and
that I should restore peace... but part of me can't help but wonder...
don't I have any otaku? Why doesn't anyone care about me!?!?'
Usagi sighed. She was doing that a lot lately. 'I need to talk to
someone.'
A cry of "Luna!!!" rang throughout the camp.
The end, for now...
This is fun, even though it is incredibly time consuming.
^-^
----------
You know, Yoshi! That cute green dinosaur from the Mario games.
yo...@istar.ca
----------
The Happy Hindu
> > > I *DO* wonder who'll take up Makoto's side of things...
> >
> > I dunno, Mako definately has a pretty strong fanbase...
> >
> original thread. I need to find out what is really going on here before I
> really reply. I'm just showing my support for Makoto. :)
>
Okay, got the gist of the matter. Time to make people a little mad...
While the Minako-lovers, the Rei-Followers, and the Ami-Devotees were all
arguing about who was best, a lone figure with a trenchcoat and a ponytail
was quietly walking around the battle tying thin metal wires to the
principle players. Once everyone was hooked up, he looked up at the sky
and smiled. There were clouds were ripe with thunder. Attached to all
the wires was a small rocket. With a press of a button, the rocket sped
off into the clouds. "Supreme Thunder," muttered the Hindu. Instantly, a
giant bolt of lightning came down from the heavens, promptly shocking
everyone in sight who had been wired in.
"Speak softly and carry a big bolt of thunder. Jupiter Rules." He
promptly disappeared in a cloud of psychadelic colors.
--For the Mako fans. Scott (Let's go make some ART!)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scott Wiesenmeyer (The Happy Hindu, sometimes Trenchcoat Insomnia)
swe...@fgi.net
Artist 1: "Where did I put the Atomic PaintBrush?"
Artist 2: "Turn of the lights, stupid. It should glow in the dark!"
Werks in Progress Page: http://www.fgi.net/~swezen/
---------------------------------------------------------------------
-
In <32F110...@ix.netcom.com>, Jet Wolf <jet...@ix.netcom.com> writes:
<huge snip>
>Wendy Chronos maniacal laugher continued as a conviniently dramatic
>wind swept across the battlefield.....
Warthog picked himself up from the ground where the lightnig bolt had knocked
him and surveyed the field. "I new those Outer Senshi fanatics would show up
sooner or later," He muttered. Though they were fewer in number than the
inner senshi fans but they had been exposed only to the uncut episodes and were
thus more committed. Time for a little 'divide and conquer'. Quickly patching
himself into the OSDF communications net, Warthog asked, "But which of those
senshi is the best?"
"Hotaru, of course!" Wendy exclaimed. The invid shock-trooper-fanboy next to
her turned in her direction and said, "You mean Haruka!" "No, Setsuna!" a
Crann piped up. An enforcer aimed its annihiliation-disc cannons at an Odeon
and said menacingly, "Michiru rules. Right?" "In your dreams, Lobster-boy!"
Odeon sneerd. For a tense moment, the OSDF just stood there, weapons armed
and trained on one another. Ping! Something bounced off the shell of Wendy's
mecha and all hell broke loose in the Outer forces. Annihiliation-disks,
disintegration bolts, and sarcasm flew back and forth between the rabid fanboys
(and gals).
"Heh! Oops!" Warthog said quickly tossing a cheap toy slingshot into the
bushes. "Now, while they are thus occupied," He shouted into his communicator,
"U.S.S. Warthog, Fire the ditz-cannon!"
The snout of the mighty starship split apart, like the twin booms of the SDF-1
from Macross to reveal a huge monitor. On it was displayed a video loop of
Minako in the cut-finger-carrot scene snipped from "A Curried Favor" but left
in the Sailor-Sez. Faster and faster the comedy scene replayed. As the
frequency increased, ditz energy began to accumulate on the projecting
booms. A high pitched whine heraled the final blast of pure Minako-force was
unleashed on the horde of unbelievers. Chaos reigned in the wake of the beam
as those touched by the blinding, golden light were renderd completely stupid.
The Amichanians were the most affected by the energy being robbed of their
most powerful weapon: their brains.. A whole batallion of tanks followed their
leader over the edge of a clif as the stupified fan-boy tried to find something
good on the radio and wasn't watching where he was going. True to the Minako
energy that now permiated the battlefield, any electronic device, no matter how
innocuous, exploded violently when those affected pressed the wrong buttons.
The Minakochanians were almost completely unscathed by this having wrecked
their electronics long ago. (A few, however, were severly maimed when their
didgital watches (which they thought were pretty cool) detonated.)
Sadly, the shields of the U.S.S. Warthog were severly depleated by Jet Wolf's
earlier attack and the crew were heavily dosed by the ditz radiation. One of
them accidentally pressed the "eject" button on the hyper-vcr running the tape
loop which caused the video tape to be fired from the machine with the force
of a cannon. The tape smashed into the helm controls and locked the starship
on a collision course with the OSDF Invid clam-ship. BOOM! They collied and
exploded violently raining bits and pieces down on the factions below.
"Oh, fudge!" Warthog said miffed.
TBC?...
Steve Allen Richards
the *original* Sailor Saturn wrote:
> Wendy snarls and points an annihiliation-disc cannon at him and fires.
> "SHINEI!"
>
> ***
>
> Okay, enough silliness from me for now. I like this!
>
> Wendy/FSC Sailor Callisto
> *is expecting flames to come her way*
"I appreciate your admiration, Wendy Chronos, but you do not have
the power to affiliate with *all* the outer senshi. Therefore, with your
lack of a decision, you must be destroyed"
The voice trailed off and the owner, SuperSteve himself came
charging across the grounds weilding the time key. However, his staff
expertise was far from that of his sensei, Sailor Pluto and promptly
dropped it during a extended twirl. Quite embarassed, all he could
mutter was, "Ta... ta..."
"Ta...?" Haruka said.
"Ta...?" Michiru said.
"Ta...?" Minako fans said.
"Ta...?" Many of the other characters appearing but I can't
remember them all said.
"Ta," Hitoshi Doi began to clarify, "because Uranus and Neptune
were searching for the talismans when they spotted Minako reading a book
about pure- aaaaaaagh"
"Oops, sorry." Jet Wolf ran by with the Fire Soul Buster
Blazing.
SuperSteve deftly picked up the key. "Actually, I was going to
say 'talk about making an ass out of yourself!' Setsuna's gonna smack me
upside the head if I don't uphold her good name."
"Well, it was a good entrance, but I thought you were in the Ami
camp." Wendy inquired of SuperSteve. As his guard was down, she began
to remove a weapon that may be an annihiliation-disc cannon but could
possibly be something else that I'm sure Wendy herself will define in the
future.
"Well, I figured Belial would-"
At this moment, four things happened simultaneously. (1) Wendy
attacked SuperSteve with the unnamed weapon. (2) A barrage of pink
roses filled the air. (3) SuperSteve's celluar phone rang suddenly
causing SuperSteve to flinch (4) sucessfully using the time key to block
all incoming objects and connect lightly with Wendy's head. Falling to
the ground, mainly in shock, "I was clubbed with the big ass key!" she
exclaimed.
On the phone, it seemed that Steve's girlfriend had turned
against him and wished to join in fighting for Sailor Mars. He threw
down the phone in a rage. Ultrace overheard the conversation and
challenged SuperSteve with his firepower.
"Oh, go away." SuperSteve clubbed him with the big ass key.
He laughed maniacally over and over again hopping from tank to
tank spinning the key to his best ability and clubbing all those who
dared to get in his way. Setsuna would be proud.
--
_______________________________________________________________________
The Happy Hindu
> > That was silly fun.
>
> Wasn't it though? I'm interested to see Belial's counter-attack. If
> nothing else, it's guaranteed to be different. ^_-
>
> > I *DO* wonder who'll take up Makoto's side of things...
>
> I dunno, Mako definately has a pretty strong fanbase...
>
We're charging up our lightning bolts while we are hunting down the
original thread. I need to find out what is really going on here before I
really reply. I'm just showing my support for Makoto. :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The Evil Professor Chronos
f...@jhk.com (Warthog)- wrote:
>Sadly, the shields of the U.S.S. Warthog were severly depleated by
>Jet Wolf's earlier attack and the crew were heavily dosed by the ditz
>radiation. One of them accidentally pressed the "eject" button on
>the hyper-vcr running the tape loop which caused the video tape to
>be fired from the machine with the force of a cannon. The tape
>smashed into the helm controls and locked the starship on a collision
>course with the OSDF Invid clam-ship. BOOM! They collied and
>exploded violently raining bits and pieces down on the factions
>below.
>
>"Oh, fudge!" Warthog said miffed.
At about this point, an even larger object appears up in the
starry skies above, blotting out all the sunlight. An enormous
blimp, the size of several city blocks, drifts softly over the
battlefield. The combatants look up, and gasp in horror.
Really catchy, upbeat, and above all CUTE music starts to
play, emitted by two huge loudspeakers attached to the cockpit
beneath the blimp. It has some very nice electric guitar bits,
and a saxophone solo for some reason.
But it's not the music that's causing everyone on the
battlefield to stare up in undisguised shock, loathing and
terror ... it's the appearance of the zeppelin that's got them
so distraught.
It's a 1600-meter-long inflatable Sailor Chibi-Moon!
"I can't BELIEVE nobody's joined the battle on the side of
the Pink Sugar Princess yet!" says Professor Chronos, at the
controls of the tiny cockpit underneath the balloon. "Well, it
might as well be me, then. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
"It's those cradle-robbers from Project C.U.T.E!" shouts one
of the Amifans. "I knew they'd make their move eventually!"
"Quite the contrary!" shouts the Professor, using a hand-
held microphone to communicate over the PA speaker. "I would
NEVER join Project C.U.T.E ... I'd have to share her with
other people if I did! Besides, I still hold a grudge against
their founder for buying that poster I wanted to get in
Toronto's Chinatown!"
"BLOW HIM OUT OF THE SKY!" shrieks the bespectacled Ami,
from within her tank. The Amifans all cheer, and point various
weapons at the Professor's blimp.
An evil grin crosses Chronos' face. He pushes a big red
button marked "RELEASE". A hatch opens in the bottom of the
zeppelin's cockpit, and a dozen crates fall out ...
"What are those things? Bombs?" asks one of the Amifans, the
gunfire temporarily delayed by their confusion.
"No! They're ... they're ... AAAH! LOOK!" screeches another,
who is wearing binoculars. He holds the binoculars up to his
colleague's face, so that he can see the image on the box ...
"It's the TICKLE ME AMI DOLL! The life size version!"
The Mercurites all cheer. "YAAAY!"
"There's just one small problem," cackles the Professor from
his cockpit ... "there's only SIX of them, and when they're
gone, they're gone!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" scream all the Amifans, and start scrambling
to reach the boxes, trampling over each other as they do so.
As the dolls land, the fans begin to lay into each other, all
battling over who will get the dolls.
"Stop! Stop this madness!" shrieks Ami, popping up from the
cockpit of her tank. "Don't be fooled by those graven images!
Curses, are all my fans that depraved?!"
Her intense, kill 'em all rage promptly vanishes as a hand
reaches from behind and removes her glasses. In seconds, Ami
is back to her usual, demure, polite, intelligent, submissive
self. "Oh my," she comments, looking out over the destruction,
"I calculate a 94.8% chance that the pro-Ami side will tear
each other apart fighting over those dolls! Incidentally, who
was it who took my glasses?" she asks, turning around to face
the spectacle-snatcher.
"Um, hi," says a rather shy boy behind Ami, who is holding
her glasses. He carries a little plush Sailor Mercury in his
pocket, and a little Sailor Mercury poster autographed by
Karen Bernstein. "You don't know me, but ... er ... could I
get your autograph? I already got your voice actress', but I'd
like to get yours too ... er ..."
He looks down at the floor and shuffles his feet around,
nervously.
"Why, of course," smiles Ami pleasantly. "To whom shall I
make this out?"
"Er, Greg. Greg Taylor," stammers the boy.
"Here you go, Greg," says Ami, giving him the poster. "You
must certainly be a tremendously dedicated fan, to come out
into the middle of a battlefield just to get an autograph."
Greg nods, but doesn't say anything. He just stares.
"What a charming gentleman you are," giggles Ami. "And you
look somewhat like a younger Albert Einstein."
Greg grins foolishly, still staring lovingly at Ami.
"Tell you what, why don't we go back to my tank and we can
do some quadratic equations together?"
Greg barely nods. Ami smiles, and takes his hand ...
"HOLD IT!" screams a half-deranged voice from behind a tree.
Belial, wearing his Stealth Trenchcoat, de-activates the
cloaking device and steps out. "If you want Ami, you must
fight me first!" he pulls an enormous sword from inside his
trenchcoat pocket.
"Eeep!" gasps Greg.
"Oh, now there's TWO men fighting over me! Whatever shall I
do?" gasps Amy. "Isn't this interesting? I think I'll do a
little math to calculate which of them I would be more
compatiable with."
While Ami gets out her abacus and Belial squares off against
Greg, the hundreds of other Ami fans are tearing each other
apart fighting over the dolls ...
Meanwhile, Jet Wolf decides this message has gone on too
long, and that she's NOT going to let Chibi-usa interfere with
the glorious victory of the Rei-ites. She gets out a small
oblong object from her pocket, and prepares to throw ...
"Incidentally," Chronos comments, "Rei IS a rehash of Sakura
from Urusei Yatsura, except that Sakura used to say "ONRYUU
taisan" instead of "Akaryou" ..."
"Regardless!" snaps Jet Wolf, "there's no connection apart
from them both being Shinto sorceresses!"
"And bad tempered," adds Chronos.
"Yes ..." says Nikki ...
"And having a permenantly superdeformed elderly relative who
makes their life miserable," adds Chronos.
"Shut up!" says Nikki. "I still haven't SEEN UY, and I don't
CARE about Sakura/Rei similarities! DIE!" she throws the small
object, which turns out to be a cigarette lighter, towards the
blimp. "MARS BIC IGNITE!"
There is a triumphant explosion that fills the entire sky,
as the airship detonates. Unfortunately, the Chibi-usa balloon
was filled with helium, and Chibi-usa swells to immense
proportions and then explodes.
Carlen Levigne, who was watching from the sidelines, cheers
approvingly. "Well done! Good shot!"
And she goes back to what she was doing, which was roasting
a pink plastic effigy of Chibi-usa over an open fire and
watching it melt.
"It's not FA-A-IR!" whines the Professor, as he drifts softly
downwards on a parachute. "Chibi-usa NEVER gets any attention!"
The surviving members of the Mina party (who are now using
little heart-shaped throwing stars) and the other Marsites
prepare to open fire on the Professor, but Jetwolf stops them.
"No! You can't! If we kill him, the fandub will NEVER get
finished!"
"Shucks," sigh the assembled people. Then they suddenly all
realize that the other side is still there, and go right back
to fighting. Meanwhile, Professor Chronos lands on his feet and
runs off to get back to the fandub, grateful for the distraction.
"GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
Back at Ami's tank, Greg is hiding in a tree and Belial is
prowling around at the bottom lion-style, growling up at him
and occasionally taking a bite from a small portable tub of
lime jello. Ami is now inventing an entirely new type of math
that can be used to solve the unsolveable equation she invented
two minutes ago.
[Sorry, everyone ... sorry ... just ignore me, okay? :)]
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| Mark S Sprague, aka The Evil Professor Chronos |
| Still the Official Head of R&D for the Negaverse |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
If you have a pure soul, kindly leave it in the drop box.
Belial
>>While the Minako-lovers, the Rei-Followers, and the
>>Ami-Devotees were all arguing about who was best, a
>>lone figure with a trenchcoat and a ponytail was
>>quietly walking around the battle tying thin metal
>>wires to the principle players. Once everyone was
>>hooked up, he looked up at the sky and smiled.
>>There were clouds were ripe with thunder. Attached
>>to all the wires was a small rocket. With a press of
>>a button, the rocket sped off into the clouds.
>>"Supreme Thunder," muttered the Hindu. Instantly, a
>>giant bolt of lightning came down from the heavens,
>>promptly shocking everyone in sight who had been
>"Can't you find one trenchcoat-wearing mohawked Amian
>with the scanners??" screeched Artemis. "He's the
>first and definitely the most-dangerous of them!"
>
>"I'm sorry sir! There are too many trenchcoat wearers
>down there! We thought we had a fix on Belial but it
>turned out it was Jetwolf --Hey, I *didn't know* she
>did Erica's voice in the fandub, so sue me!"
>
>Artemis slapped his paw down on a big red button on
>his chair and the fanboy was vaporized in a sensual
>beam of golden light. A deep....well baritone...well,
>not as deep as Jetwolf's but kind of mellow in it's
>own way...anyway! A voice came from behind him.
>
>"Hmm. The tanks were unexpected. I guess *I'll* have
>to get involved."
>
>Artemis nodded. "You'd better drop your trenchcoat...
>we don't want to confuse you with the forces down
>there."
>
>"Very well, the brown leather jacket then..."
>
>Meanwhile, Scott's lightning trick had depleted
>quite a bit of the shabon...er, the fog, and
>most of the milling Amians were stunned.
>
>JetWolf took careful aim at the front treads of
>the lead tank, which, suspiciously, had 2 shocks
>of blue hair emerging from it. "Fire Soul Buster...
>TWO!" she cried as she and Ultrace crossed the
>streams of their weapons.
>
>The tank was disabled.
>
>"Curses!" muttered Amichan. "Foiled by the
>inappropriate use of AEROSOL products! How
>politically incorrect!"
>
>Jet Wolf and Ultrace exchanged a wicked grin and
>went to high-five. Just then, as the opening chord
>of "Possession" by Sarah McLaughlin was strummed
>on a guitar, a bicolored pink and white rose
>whipped through the air between them and embeded
>itself in the ground in front of the tank.
>
>They looked up at the figure standing on a rock not
>too far away from them.
>
>"Ha!" I said. "You mocked the 'Love & Beauty Shock,'
>now let's really get personal! And Rei IS just a
>re-hash of Sakura from Urusei Yatsura! Taste the
>barbed beauty of the Kordes Perfecta!" I cried out
>as I leapt into the air and tossed several pink
>roses at the startled duo.
Suddenly, exploding forth from the earth, a dark
mass of shadow enshrouded the local area. Spinning
end over end out of the darkness, a two-litre coke
bottle smacked into Nightman's face, sending him
spiraling over backwards.
"Ha! Indeed!" Belial spat, "Did you really think
I'd let you get away with nearly cleaving my mohawk
in Twain?! Infidel! And Infidel twice over for
comparing Rei to Sakura...! Sakura is much more
appealing." he grinned evilly, ducking the ensuing
blast of flame from a raging Jet Wolf.
Interrupting this tender moment, a warbling squeal
came over a PA system, followed by a loud tapping
and Ami-chan querying, "Hello? Is this thing on? Ah,
good... Belial-kun! Strike down my enemies! Kill, my
champion! Rend, destroy!"
Many irritated grumbles arose from the ranks of
the Amichanians.
"QUIET!!!" she shrieked, then composed herself, "I
mean, you're all my champions too... only less
likely to succeed in battle." The grumbling was
replaced by scattered agreements or objections,
but no one really noticed.
Jet Wolf edged up to where Belial was calmly
sitting on a large rock reading Urusei Yatsura:
"Lum in the Sun" and giggling madly. "Er, does
Ami seem a little unbalanced to you herr Belial?"
she said out of the corner of her mouth.
"Oh that wacky, sex-crazed Ataru," laughed Belial,
"I wonder what girl he'll harrass next?"
"Belial!" snarled Jet Wolf, smacking the manga out
of his hands, "I asked you a question!"
Sighing and dusting off the manga, he slid it
back into his trenchcoat. "Isn't there some rule
about consorting with the enemy?" he asked. (some
might say with a pleading tone ;)
"No, it's all witty banter and verbal sparring!
That's allowed! Anyway, Ami's shrieking! That's
unlike her, it's more Rei-ish... er... hey, I'd
never say that! Who's writing this pap anyway?!?!"
Calmly ignoring her accusation, Belial only heard
the first part of the question. "Hmmm... that's
one definition... anyway, yes, she is unstable.
Since the Ami special she's become obsessed with
the idea of the Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Mercury
show, one I think would do very well, if people
knew what was good for them." he said, cracking
his knuckles, which everyone ignored.
"WHAT?!?!" Jet Wolf shrieked.
"See, very Rei-URK!"
Dusting off her hands, Jet Wolf surveyed her work,
with the Fire Soul Buster now solidly resting on
Belial's head, which was now solidly resting
face-first in the dirt. "That'll learn you good."
she stated smugly.
"Yeah, that'll learn him." piped in Ultrace over
her shoulder.
"Yeah, I bet it will," stated an ominous voice
behind Ultrace, "but I don't know what good that'll
do."
"Eh?!" shouted Jet Wolf and Ultrace, spinning
around simultaneously, which as we all know, is
only possible in SM episodes concerning ice
skaters, so the two glided smoothly through the
foreground since everyone's attention was
elsewhere.
"Belial!" Jet Wolf shouted in surprise, "But,
I just hit you, with the, and you fell, and,
whoo-boy did I hit you good, and, and... what?!"
"Ha!" shouted Belial, "Ataru Morobishi running
away technique number five! Body-switch! I never
give up!!"
"Ninja tricks eh?" Ultrace stated more than
asked, his hair oddly combed back making him
look older, "Then what did Nikki hit?"
"A bunch of old coke bottles cleverly fashioned
to look like me." Belial turns to the ng audience.
"Remember kids, there are lots of ways to recycle,
and unlike the pyro Ultrace here, you want to do
your part for the environment." A chorus of bored
"Yeah, Whatever."s answer him.
Sighing, he shrugged. "I try. Now, for another
of my mighty methods of re-using coke bottles!
M-"
"Uh, excuse me?" asked Nightman, walking in off
left stage, "Can I get back in the action here
somewhere?"
"Hmmmm," hmmmed Belial, "I really don't know any
of your attacks... Uh, how about you go beat up
some people offstage or something?"
Sighing, Nightman shrugged. "I just think this
is a little unfair... I mean, you're continuing
from where *I* left off..." Sniffing disdainfully,
he walked offstage to where a large group of
hereunto unmentioned Makochanians had been lurking
and arguing who had the most talent. "Ha! Taste
the fury of a shunted Tuxedo Mask ripoff!!"
Startled, Belial watched the fight erupt offstage.
"Wow folks... I really wish you could see this, I
mean, ooh, that's gotta hurt, he really went all
out on special effects, oh, I think that otaku is
broken, but I just don't know any of these
attacks... oh well."
"Hey!" shouted Jason, hopping off the ambulance
which had kindly given him a lift back to the
battlefield, as well as advice in the future that
if was going to get horribly burnt, to at least
get a bad sunburn. "How come you were able to
slip an Urusei Yatsura tactic into this Otaku-fic
if it concerns Sailor Moon?!?!"
Rolling his eyes, Belial pointed at the tanks,
spacecraft, flamethrowers, the very gloves that
Jason was wearing, and other miscellaneous
devices that did Not Belong to Sailor Moon. "If
everyone else is doing it...?"
"Oh... right... well, I want to dredge up some
more ancient animation attacks then!" he shouted,
hopping up and down excitedly, as he was hopped
up on pixi stix. (he had unwisely eaten the ones
he had grabbed for Nikki on the way over, and
was twice as sugar-high now)
"Just try to keep it to anime this time, okay?"
drawled Jet Wolf.
"Hmmm, right... well then..." he said, clearing
his throat and extending a mighty fist (such as
it was ;) into the air. "GIANT ROBO!!! ATTACK!!!"
Nothing happens.
"Oh..." Jason said dejectedly, "Well, how about
my Jimmy Sparks impersonation? I summon GIGANTOR!!!"
Again, nothing happens. Belial starts fidgeting
nervously.
"Alright, alright, so no one remembers these
animes... my, this stressful moment reminds me
of the episode of Speed Racer where he has
to ride the guardrail in order to pass his
opponent in "The Sword Mountain Race". Now
THERE was an episode not soon to be forgotten..."
Belial bares his teeth and begins advancing
on the rambling Jason.
"Eeeee! Okay, okay!" He seizes a pendant from
somewhere and holds it up in the sky,
displaying a large personalized letter "P",
emitting atomic radiation, which caused all
others nearby to flee in fear of becoming
sterile and their hair falling out.
"Time for Prince Planet to strike in a
non-violent fashion!!" Jason shouts
triumphantly. With a mighty atomic flash,
nothing much happens. Jason sighs and
tosses the pendant away.
"Cheap piece of crap." He grumbles, the
small mushroom cloud which ensues lighting
his features, "Do you have any idea of how
much ovaltine I had to drink to get that
damn thing?!?! Bah!" Jason stalks offstage
to plan his next sortie.
Walking out with a Geiger counter in his
hand, Belial surveys the area. "I think we
can start fighting again!" he calls out.
"Oh good," says a nasty voice from the
fog which appears to have taken up
permenent residence on the battlefield
yet has been unmentioned so far. "I was
hoping to test out this new device that
herr Knauer was nice enough to design
and build for me a while ago..."
"Hmmm?" Belial hmmmed questioningly,
turning about, "What's that the- USOU!!"
Looming overhead, a large red mecha with
MANY a Rei-chan decal in all the Rei moods
of the spectrum pasted on it (ranging from
angry->raging insanity ;) chuckled evilly.
The tinny voice of Ultrace via PA rang
out, "Now I'll exact my revenge for what
you had Jessica do to me Belial!" And
with that, a mighty raging inferno, (a
good 4-inch flame it was! ;) emerged
from the mecha's shin, flickering quietly.
"CRAP! CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP CRAP!!!!" wailed
Ultrace. "I *never* get the good weapons!"
"Quite Ultrace! Get some dignity, we're in
a war machine here!" snapped Nikki, before
re-directing her attention to Belial who
was lighting a large stogie on the still
burning flame of Ultrace's rage.
"So Belial," she intoned twice as evilly
as before, "What do you think of Rei-chan
NOW?!"
"Nice heels on that thing." Belial
observed snidely.
Chaos ensued.
----------------------------------
And I think I've done my share of catching
up for now. ;) Sorry to jump in so late,
my server was slow!
Belial
Hikagi
> Ultrace managed to choke out a few words, which were completely
>unintelligible, while frantically indicating that air would be a very
good
>thing right about now. Had the words actually been understood they would
>have been something like "She kicks butt, her fire's cool, and who can
>forget the little sticky-note thingy?"
> Unfortunately, they were NOT understood.
> "Allow me to translate what he's really saying for you," Belial said,
>popping up out of nowhere in particular with an evil grin on his face. He
>leaned over and whispered into Sailor Jessica Rabbit's ear.
> Sailor Jessica Rabbit turned to Ultrace, with her eyes blazing. "Why,
>you...!" she said, tightening her grip. "Pervert!"
> Ultrace shook his head vehemently to indicate that what Belial had said
>could not possibly be the truth. This denial was cut short by his passing
>out a few seconds later, effectively removing him from the battle for
now.
> Belial slunk off to wherever he had previously disappeared to, which
>wasn't difficult since the field had suddenly become shrouded in fog.
>Sailor Jessica Rabbit turned...
There in the distance approached a lone warrior from a long way. He was
dressed in some odd clothes and had a look of determination on his
hardened face. Judgeing from the colors he wore he was a Harukasanian.
And he was just like her last boyfriend thought Sailor Jessica Rabbit.
Without delay she ran over to him and tried to pretened that she wasn't
partial in the Otaku wars. Holding out some delicious cookies she had
made she looked at him expectantly and smiled.
"My name is Hikagi! And in place of the sky king Sailor Uranus I'm
looking for the Messiah! Now get out of my way unless you want a Kamehame
ha Shaking!"
Hikagi shook his fist at her and looked her dead in the eyes when
suddenly....
Oh sh*t! Some one else's out of alcohol too?!
-Fujisawa Sensei (El hazard)
Stand in line big man!
-Rocky DeSantos
Lunette339
Hikagi wrote:
>> Belial slunk off to wherever he had previously disappeared to, which
>>wasn't difficult since the field had suddenly become shrouded in fog.
>>Sailor Jessica Rabbit turned...
>
> There in the distance approached a lone warrior from a long way. He
was
>dressed in some odd clothes and had a look of determination on his
>hardened face. Judgeing from the colors he wore he was a Harukasanian.
>And he was just like her last boyfriend thought Sailor Jessica Rabbit.
Who had been *such* a jerk... She gritted her teeth in anger.
> Without delay she ran over to him and tried to pretened that she wasn't
> partial in the Otaku wars. Holding out some delicious cookies she had
>made she looked at him expectantly and smiled.
_Ha ha..._ she thought. _I'm just lulling him into a false sense of
security!_
> "My name is Hikagi! And in place of the sky king Sailor Uranus I'm
>looking for the Messiah! Now get out of my way unless you want a
Kamehame
>ha Shaking!"
> Hikagi shook his fist at her and looked her dead in the eyes when
>suddenly....
Sailor Jessica Rabbit decided she had done enough lulling and cracked him
over the head with her plate of cookies. "Nyah!" she yelled. "Jupiter
rules!! Come to your senses, man!"
"I don't think he can, he's out cold." Ultrace said from somewhere behind
her.
"Hey, it's the hentai! Take this, tentacle boy!!!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit
whipped one of her cookies at him.
"OW!" Ultrace covered his head. This was obviously not one of Sailor
Jessica's soft and chewy batches of cookies. "No, wait! Belial- OW! Hey!
This is all a misunderstanding! OW!"
Then, there was a loud rumbling noise and out of the fog rumbled some
Amichanian tanks, in a desperate attempt to restore some continuity.
"Ooh, tanks." said Ultrace, staring at his aerosol can and box of matches.
"Why didn't I think of that?"
Sailor Jessica Rabbit shrugged. "Beats me, I just ran around punching
people. I guess large weaponry is one of those things only an Amichanian
could think of." She ducked as a video was blasted at her from one of the
Minakonian ships in orbit. "Oh well." she said, clutching her Mako-chan
card. "I guess I'd better go find out who discarded this Mako-chan card
and punch him a couple times."
Ultrace looked very scared for a moment, then got an evil grin on his
face, remembering what Belial had done a few posts back. "Why... I do
believe that would be BELIAL!" he announced.
"GRR!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit cracked her knuckles. "In the name of
Jupiter... I'm gonna punch him!"
Ultrace breathed a sigh of relief as she darted off into the fog, and then
he went off to do something else which has probably already been
written...
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
Brazen continuity wrecker
Jason Bramlett
The Evil Professor Chronos wrote:
> "Shucks," sigh the assembled people. Then they suddenly all
> realize that the other side is still there, and go right back
> to fighting. Meanwhile, Professor Chronos lands on his feet and
> runs off to get back to the fandub, grateful for the distraction.
> "GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
>
> Back at Ami's tank, Greg is hiding in a tree and Belial is
> prowling around at the bottom lion-style, growling up at him
> and occasionally taking a bite from a small portable tub of
> lime jello. Ami is now inventing an entirely new type of math
> that can be used to solve the unsolveable equation she invented
> two minutes ago.
Meanwhile, back at the Wal-Mart Jason has just spent twenty minutes
trying to get the greeter to sing the "Down the Wal-Mart Way" song.
Deciding his attempt is futile, he gives up and heads towards the candy
department. He looks intently at each size bag, "Hmmmm, should I get
the regular 45 pack or the jumbo 150 pack?" Deciding on the jumbo pack,
he feels drawn to the toy department as by some mystic force.
Walking towards the toys, he hears this strange rumbling sound. He
turns and sees what he dreads most, The Hell's MartKarters. "Bunch of
elderly hoodlums," he mutters as he gets out of their way. Jason begins
walking again, but stops as the rumblings begin anew. "Not more of
them," he sighs. But he is wrong, he turns in time to see fragments of
what looks like spaceships collide and destroy the entire front end of
the store.
"Yay, we don't have to pay for our stuff now!" shouts the joyous throng
of survivors. Not being one to pass up on the free stuff, Jason grabs a
shopping cart and fills it to the brim with star wars toys. Smiling
contently, he makes his way thru the rubble and heads back towards the
battlefield. As the fighting draws closer, he sees what looks like a
street preacher. "You must stop the GSMIT insanity," the man pleads as
he hands out pamphlets. Again not being one who turns down free stuff,
Jason takes one, stuffing it in his pocket.
Dodging the corpses with his cart, he draws closer to the battle. He
stares intently at all the combatants trying to figure out who's who.
"A whole lot more people here now," he thinks as he sees her, the one
that almost killed him. He heads towards the one called Jet Wolf, and
taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and gives him that "now
what?" look. "I thought you were dead," she states dryly.
"Oh...ummm...I'm not animated to die, hahaha....ummm, anyway here's
those pixie stix you wanted," says Jason as he hands her the bag.
"Don't know why I'm giving them to you, you left me out last time," he
mumbles. "WHAT?!" "Oh, I said it is a pleasure meeting you, I've had a
real nice time."
Then begins the most uncomfortable silence Jason has ever felt. After a
minute he begins to speak, "Oh yeah, hey, did you see that guy who was
talking to that dinosaur that can say only one word. It reminds me of
that Speed Racer episode where Speed asks Chim chim where Trixie and
Spridle are..." He stops because she seems a little irritated by his
prescence. "Ummmm, I'll be over there if somebody needs me, with my
star wars stuff..." "You go do that," she replies as she returns to the
struggle. "I'll prove I can be a threat...but first I'll recreate the
escape from the Death Star scene with my new toys."
--
Attention Gemini, as a result of the earmuff incident, your roommate now
thinks you're completely evil. When friends call, she tells them you're
out jogging...with the devil. Plus she believes the only way to save
you is by eating the meat portions of your frozen dinners. Time to bury
the hatchet, so to speak.
Zorak's Horror Scopes
The Happy Hindu
The Hindu was feeling rater happy. He had just finished painting a
billboard proclaiming his thoughts about Makoto and decided that it was
time to take a break and watch the ensuing carnage from his vantagepoint
high atop his artwork. A green dinosaur flew past him muttering "Yoshi
Yoshi Yoshi..." in a very worried tone. He pulled off his glasses and
wiped them on his 17 foot long scarf. "Hmmm, that was odd."
Sailor Jessica Rabbit looked up at the sign and shouted "Now that's
art!" and with a grin, went back to bashing the non-Jupiter fans.
JetWolf, who was nearly done roasting Chibi-Usa dolls, noticed the
giant picture of Sailor Jupiter stating "Jupiter is the king of the
planets!" and decided to get some revenge for the Hindu's earlier act.
The Hindu, spying the approaching JetWolf, decided it was time for a quick
speech...
"A Yugoslavian proverb comes to mind... Tell the truth and run. Which,
at the moment, seems very fitting at the moment." He jumped from the
billboard as it was engulfed in flames. He fell to the ground,
extinguished his flaming scarf, looked up at the wreckage and shrugged.
"Everybody's an art critic. Oh well, at least it could be classified as
self-destructing art." He grabbed his atomic paintbrush and promptly made
a mad dash for the movie theater to see Star Wars with a very bloodthirsty
JetWolf in hot pursuit. (Egad! What a pun!)
Thank you folks, you've made may day :)
Scott (The Happy Hindu)
Mike Slater
Wow!
I go away for a couple of days and come back to THIS!
Jason Bramlett
> "Cheap piece of crap." He grumbles, the
> small mushroom cloud which ensues lighting
> his features, "Do you have any idea of how
> much ovaltine I had to drink to get that
> damn thing?!?! Bah!" Jason stalks offstage
> to plan his next sortie.
"I don't plan these things," he mumbles, "they just happen." Walking
over to his cache of star wars stuff, he begins opening all the
packages. "Last time I get her pixie stix, 'Oh I just want the red and
purple'. What am I supposed to do with all these nasty blue ones?!
Last time I listen to Belial, too. 'Yeah it's worth drinking all that
ovaltine, that P thing'll be cool' Bah!"
Jason has just opened a brand new tie fighter and admires it in all it
new glory. He holds a tie fighter pilot in his hand and speaks, "You
know you're lucky, the emperor just bought you a brand new tie. Isn't
it beautiful?" Just as he heads over to place the figure in the ship, a
stray shot of fire melts the once beautiful plastic. "Ah curse thee,
woman of the flame, you can't stand for me to have some joy in my life,
do you?" he shouts shaking the figure at Jet Wolf. Then a random video
flies past and kills his 11" Lando. "Alas poor Lando, I knew him, Han
Solo. There were so many Colt 45's you never got to drink," sobs Jason.
"Curse thee, foul warmongers! You could have attacked me but no you
attack innocent toys," he shouts in a rage, "now face the
consequences!" Reaching for a small metal remote on his belt, he
presses the button. "Not another useless attack," snaps Belial.
"You'll think useless," Jason replies with pride as Godzilla emerges
from the nearest body of water.
Godzilla, King of the Monsters, looks over the battlefield. Turning
from it, he destroys the city and heads off for his regular destruction
of Toyko. Throwing the remote to the ground and kicking it, Jason
begins to rant. "Oh no, I can't have a good weapon like the Mach 5 or
even a stinkin' Phantom Cruiser. Oh, I get this stupid piece of crap
Godzilla remote, goofy P thing, or some busted Gigantor box." Noticing
that everyone is now staring at him, he hangs his head in shame. "I'll
be over there if anybody needs me," he states as he walks over to his
star wars toys. "You just wait and see," he says talking to his Darth
Vader, "I'll think of some way to be a threat..."
Hikagi
>Sailor Jessica Rabbit decided she had done enough lulling and cracked him
>over the head with her plate of cookies. "Nyah!" she yelled. "Jupiter
>rules!! Come to your senses, man!"
>"I don't think he can, he's out cold." Ultrace said from somewhere behind
>her.
After a long and restful snooze Hikagi came to and realized that no one
was around him anymore. Picking up a cookie off the ground he took out a
scanner he had stolen from one of ami's flunkies and scanned it.
Seeing how potentially dangerous this cookie was Hikagi loaded it into his
SubRocket launcher and aimed it at one of the Minakochanian ships floating
in the sky.
"One two three....." he said before he shot it off and waited to see what
happened.
Just as he expected the cookie shot in one side of the ship and out the
other side of the ship. He quickly teleported to a nearby race track
trying to hide his blunder. Minako and Haruka were actually on almost
good terms, but now he may have just started a whole new continuancy to
this insane war.
At the race track he got onto one of the motorbikes and was racing on the
track when he came upon a body lying by the side. It was a girl and she
was holding a Salior Moon card. She looked at him and....
Jet Wolf
Jason Bramlett wrote:
> "You just wait and see," he says talking to his Darth
> Vader, "I'll think of some way to be a threat..."
After Jason is safely out of earshot, Jet Wolf, Belial, Jessica Rabbit,
Scott, RMX, Wendy, Warthog...hell, the entire current cast...all burst
into laughter, doubling over and leaning against each other for support.
Professor Chronos, determined that none shall laugh without him, pops up
out of nowhere, adds his voice to the throng, and then runs off as
suddenly as he reappeared, Mimet doll clutched happily to his chest.
Several moments of camaraderie pass. The Minakonians and the Makonians
both admire the opposing side's attractive forces. The Amichanians
were...doing something that I can't think of right now, but it was very
peaceful. Harukan and Michirunian forces were nowhere to be seen, but
one could imagine that they were getting along splendedly The
Reichanians and the Pink Sugar Princess followers (all three of them)
were making fun of Usagi, though in a very light-hearted and
character-building way.
30 seconds later, the battlefield was back to its comfortingly violent
ways again, and everyone was much happier for it.
-=Jet Wolf
Enjoying teasing Jason immensely.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"Here, drink this. It's called 'alcohol'
and it'll make you not care."
===================================================================
Jason Bramlett
Jet Wolf wrote:
>
> > "You just wait and see," he says talking to his Darth
> > Vader, "I'll think of some way to be a threat..."
>
> After Jason is safely out of earshot, Jet Wolf, Belial, Jessica Rabbit,
> Scott, RMX, Wendy, Warthog...hell, the entire current cast...all burst
> into laughter, doubling over and leaning against each other for support.
> Professor Chronos, determined that none shall laugh without him, pops up
> out of nowhere, adds his voice to the throng, and then runs off as
> suddenly as he reappeared, Mimet doll clutched happily to his chest.
>
> Several moments of camaraderie pass. The Minakonians and the Makonians
> both admire the opposing side's attractive forces. The Amichanians
> were...doing something that I can't think of right now, but it was very
> peaceful. Harukan and Michirunian forces were nowhere to be seen, but
> one could imagine that they were getting along splendedly The
> Reichanians and the Pink Sugar Princess followers (all three of them)
> were making fun of Usagi, though in a very light-hearted and
> character-building way.
>
> 30 seconds later, the battlefield was back to its comfortingly violent
> ways again, and everyone was much happier for it.
"You think I can't hear you!" Jason shouts shaking his Darth Vader at
them, "I may be odd but I'm not deaf!" Sighing, he sits down on the
only remaining park bench. After taking a swig of his mello yello, he
mutters "I try and try, still no one says 'At least you tried', they
just mock me. You still like me, don't you Lord Vader?" Trying to do
his best James Earl Jones impression, Jason replies, "Kooooohkaaaaaaah,
thou art impressive, most impressive, but you are still not a jedi." He
begins to sob, "Even the voices in my head are against me." Suddenly
the caffeine and sugar of the mello yello kick in. "No, I will not pity
myself, I will find a way to be a threat. Heed my words, I may be gone
for awhile, but I shall return! And stop that laughing!"
> -=Jet Wolf
> Enjoying teasing Jason immensely.
"Oh you do, do you? Well, let's just say you're number one on my
list." "What list is that I might ask?" she questions angrily. "Ummmm
the one that says who to get red and purple pixie stix for." "That's
better." "Oh you can tease me but you can't answer my email," Jason
mutters under his breath. "What did you say?!" "Uhhh, I have this can
of uhhh peas to go mail," he replies as he quickly runs away.
Dan Kingsbury
>> "You just wait and see," he says talking to his Darth
>> Vader, "I'll think of some way to be a threat..."
>
>After Jason is safely out of earshot, Jet Wolf, Belial, Jessica
Rabbit,
>Scott, RMX, Wendy, Warthog...hell, the entire current cast...all burst
>into laughter, doubling over and leaning against each other for
support.
>Professor Chronos, determined that none shall laugh without him, pops
up
>out of nowhere, adds his voice to the throng, and then runs off as
>suddenly as he reappeared, Mimet doll clutched happily to his chest.
>
>Several moments of camaraderie pass. The Minakonians and the
Makonians
>both admire the opposing side's attractive forces. The Amichanians
>were...doing something that I can't think of right now, but it was
very
>peaceful. Harukan and Michirunian forces were nowhere to be seen, but
>one could imagine that they were getting along splendedly The
>Reichanians and the Pink Sugar Princess followers (all three of them)
>were making fun of Usagi, though in a very light-hearted and
>character-building way.
>
>30 seconds later, the battlefield was back to its comfortingly violent
>ways again, and everyone was much happier for it.
>
Suddenly a huge red rose hte size of the tokyo tower split the
battleground in half.
"FOR USING CUTE GIRLS IN SHORT SKIRTS AS AN EXCUSE TO FIGHT," came a
booming voice, "I CANNOT FORGIVE YOU!"
"Oh my god!" shouted everyone else, "It's the Kamensamanians!"
"oooh, TakishiidoKamensama," cooed the Usakonians, "Suki yo!"
Meanwhile Wen-chan, Hesaa-senpai, Galaxiasama et al prepared their
weapons. "There's a new enemy," they stated grimly. "Let's go."
Tsuzuku!
/ |__ _____ **************************************************
/ | / * Ursula Owen, alias Bijo Hogosha Sailor Ursa *
/___| \__ / * ‘Ai to kimagure no sailor-fuku bijo hogosha *
____ __/__ * Sailor Ursa! Zettai! Hoshi ni kawatte, oshi *
|__| |__ I * oki yo!’ Founder of the Anything Goes School *
|__| | I * of Sushi Preparation, Anime Art and Otaku *
/ ] \__ I * Annoyance. Next week on Sailor Ursa: *
, , , , J * Masquerade! Whose identity will be revealed? *
**************************************************
Jeddite
Steve Allen Richards wrote:
>
> the *original* Sailor Saturn wrote:
> > Wendy snarls and points an annihiliation-disc cannon at him and fires.
> > "SHINEI!"
> >
> > ***
> >
> > Okay, enough silliness from me for now. I like this!
> >
> > Wendy/FSC Sailor Callisto
> > *is expecting flames to come her way*
>
> "I appreciate your admiration, Wendy Chronos, but you do not have
> the power to affiliate with *all* the outer senshi. Therefore, with your
> lack of a decision, you must be destroyed"
>
> The voice trailed off and the owner, SuperSteve himself came
> charging across the grounds weilding the time key. However, his staff
> expertise was far from that of his sensei, Sailor Pluto and promptly
> dropped it during a extended twirl. Quite embarassed, all he could
> mutter was, "Ta... ta..."
>
> "Ta...?" Haruka said.
>
> "Ta...?" Michiru said.
>
> "Ta...?" Minako fans said.
>
> "Ta...?" Many of the other characters appearing but I can't
> remember them all said.
>
> "Ta," Hitoshi Doi began to clarify, "because Uranus and Neptune
> were searching for the talismans when they spotted Minako reading a book
> about pure- aaaaaaagh"
>
Suddenly, Super Steve went flying off the Ami-chan fan tank, crashing
into the dirt. He groaned, picking himself up. "Who...did that? If it's
that blasted Ultratrace, I'll-".
"No, it isn't Ultratrace!" a voice snapped, standing atop the Ami tank.
"I...um...stand for Hotaru-chan, Sailor Saturn, the coolest senshi to
grace the screen since...since...since something really cool...graced
the screen!".
Super Steve glanced up to the Ami tank. A girl with long, flowing brown
hair and a really cool outfit(use your imagination) stood there smugly,
Silence Glaive in hand. "And you are?".
"Call me Jeddite," she instucted, twirling the Glaive over her head, as
dramatically as possible. "For clubbing Wen-chan with the big ass key,
and thinking Pluto has a cooler weapon than Saturn, I will apply this
Glaive upon you! SHINE YO!". She jumped off the tank, in Super Steve's
general direction, Glaive extended.
"You'll never kill me, you Saturn supporter!" Super Steve yelled,
sidestepping Jeddite. She crashed into a blue mohawked, jello eating
man, who was engaged in a fight with a quieter, sincere looking Ami
supporter.
The blue mohawked opponent stumbeled down to the ground, unconscious.
"I won!" the Ami supporter cheered, jumping atop the Ami tank. "I won,
I won! Jeddite, I thought you weren't an Ami fan!?".
"I'm not," Jeddite muttered, standing, using the Glaive for support,
"but since a certain blue mohawked someone never finished the
fanfic...".
"Oh..thanks any way!" he turned to Ami, who was still doing her math
calculations. "Come, my illustrious Goddess, let us figure geometric
equasions together...".
"But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite shrieked,
swinging the Glaive at his head...
.....
this is fun!!! :)
someone continue...
Steve Allen Richards
the *original* Sailor Saturn wrote:
>
> "SHINEI!"
"I appreciate your admiration, Wendy Chronos, but you do not have
the power to affiliate with *all* the outer senshi. Therefore, with your
lack of a decision, you must be destroyed"
The voice trailed off and the owner, SuperSteve himself came
charging across the grounds weilding the time key. However, his staff
expertise was far from that of his sensei, Sailor Pluto, and promptly
dropped it during a extended, elaborate twirl. Quite embarassed, all he
"Ta...?" Haruka said.
A wicked grin then crossed the face of SuperSteve. With the big
ass key firmly in his grasp, he laughed maniacally over and over again,
hopping from tank to tank, spinning the key to his best ability, and
clubbing all those who dared to get in his way. Setsuna would be proud.
--
^-^
My little 'Serenity Camp' side story continues...
Luna sighed, exasperated. This stupid fight was getting far out of
hand. She hoped the veiwing glass she gave to Usagi would be used
properly.
Meanwhile...
"What a pretty mirror! So clear... I can see every little detail of my
face! Good thing I have perfect skin... not to mention this awesome
anime hair!" She smiled happily.
"What's this, Usagi-chan?"a voice said behind her.
Usagi whirled around. "Oh, Setsuna, you scared me! This is a special
looking glass that Luna gave me. Do you want to try it?"
"Sure, let's see what's going on." She leaned over the mirror, and,
with a few words (magic ones, of course) a picture of the battle field
emerged...
> "Everyone knows Setsuna rules over all the senshi!" Super Steve crowed,
> twirling the big ass key over his head, and leaping daintily from tank to tank.
> "She is the best! The smartest! The prettiest! SETSUNA, I-ahhhh!".
"Oh, brother," Setsuna muttered. "Just what I need."
> Suddenly, Super Steve went flying off the Ami-chan fan tank, crashing
> into the dirt. He groaned, picking himself up. "Who...did that? If it's
> that blasted Ultratrace, I'll-".
> "No, it isn't Ultratrace!" a voice snapped, standing atop the Ami tank.
> "I...um...stand for Hotaru-chan, Sailor Saturn, the coolest senshi to
> grace the screen since...since...since something really cool...graced
> the screen!".
Usagi stood up. "Setsuna-chan, cover your ears."
Setsuna did so, barely in time before Usagi belted out "Hotaru!!! You'd
better come see this!!!"
Within seconds, Chibi-Hotaru and Chibi-Usa came bouncing into the room.
"What's wrong?"
"Quick, come see," she was told.
> Super Steve glanced up to the Ami tank. A girl with long, flowing brown
> hair and a really cool outfit(use your imagination) stood there smugly,
> Silence Glaive in hand. "And you are?".
> "Call me Jeddite," she instucted, twirling the Glaive over her head, as
> dramatically as possible. "For clubbing Wen-chan with the big ass key,
> and thinking Pluto has a cooler weapon than Saturn, I will apply this
> Glaive upon you! SHINE YO!". She jumped off the tank, in Super Steve's
> general direction, Glaive extended.
"Oh, brother," Chibi-Hotaru muttered. "Just what I need."
> "You'll never kill me, you Saturn supporter!" Super Steve yelled,
> sidestepping Jeddite. She crashed into a blue mohawked, jello eating
> man, who was engaged in a fight with a quieter, sincere looking Ami
> supporter.
> The blue mohawked opponent stumbeled down to the ground, unconscious.
> "I won!" the Ami supporter cheered, jumping atop the Ami tank. "I won,
> I won! Jeddite, I thought you weren't an Ami fan!?".
> "I'm not," Jeddite muttered, standing, using the Glaive for support,
> "but since a certain blue mohawked someone never finished the
> fanfic...".
> "Oh..thanks any way!" he turned to Ami, who was still doing her math
> calculations. "Come, my illustrious Goddess, let us figure geometric
> equasions together...".
> "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite shrieked,
> swinging the Glaive at his head...
"Hey, the picture stopped!" Chibi-Hotaru cried. I wanted to see what
that girl would do next!"
Chibi-Usa and Chibi-Hotaru looked at each other.
"I guess it hasn't been written yet," Chibi-Usa said.
"Oh, well," was Chibi-Hotaru's reply. And with that, they both skipped
out of the room, off to... do something Chibi-ish, I guess. (Why should
I care?)
Usagi blinked twice. "Hey, now its my turn to make a picture!"
She leaned over the mirror and muttered some words (which, if you had
amazing hearing, would have sounded something like:
"pleasemagicmirrorpleaseshowmesomeusagichanians")
And so, the magic mirrored cleared to show another part of the battle
field...
> Suddenly a huge red rose the size of the tokyo tower split the battleground > in half.
> "FOR USING CUTE GIRLS IN SHORT SKIRTS AS AN EXCUSE TO FIGHT," came a booming > voice, "I CANNOT FORGIVE YOU!"
> "Oh my god!" shouted everyone else, "It's the Kamensamanians!"
> "Oooh, TakishiidoKamensama," cooed the Usakonians, "Suki yo!"
> Meanwhile Wen-chan, Hesaa-senpai, Galaxiasama et al prepared their weapons. > "There's a new enemy," they stated grimly. "Let's go."
"That wasn't a very good picture," Usagi stated matter-of-factly.
"Though I'd have to say it was a better Tuxedo Kamen speech than normal,
but still! The Usakoians were acting like... love-blind twits!" she
whined.
Setsuna decided not to say anything too... truthful. Instead she chose
the more tactful route. "Well, maybe the Usagichanians act differently."
Usagi nodded, a gleam in her eye. "That's right! Now all I have to do
is find them..."
Setsuna's mind raced. "No, I think the mirror is tired, um, that is, we
shouldn't overuse it."
"Oh, you're probably right, Setsuna-chan. Come to think of it, I'm
tired too. I think I'll go take a nap. Bye!" She darted out the door.
Setsuna sighed. Again. What was this world coming to?
The end, for now...
I like these little side stories. (Though I am a bit biased. :) Anyone
else have the same opinion?
Lunette339
Dan Kingsbury wrote:
>>Several moments of camaraderie pass. The Minakonians and the
Makonians
>>both admire the opposing side's attractive forces.
"Hey, wait a minute. Does this mean what I think it means?" asked Sailor
Jessica Rabbit. "...Not that there's anything wrong with that!"
>The Amichanians
>>were...doing something that I can't think of right now, but it was
very
>>peaceful. Harukan and Michirunian forces were nowhere to be seen, but
>>one could imagine that they were getting along splendedly The
>>Reichanians and the Pink Sugar Princess followers (all three of them)
>>were making fun of Usagi, though in a very light-hearted and
>>character-building way.
Until of course the Sugar Princesses transformed their trusty Luna-Ps into
guns and...
>>30 seconds later, the battlefield was back to its comfortingly violent
>>ways again, and everyone was much happier for it.
>
>
>Suddenly a huge red rose hte size of the tokyo tower split the
>battleground in half.
>"FOR USING CUTE GIRLS IN SHORT SKIRTS AS AN EXCUSE >TO FIGHT," came a
>booming voice, "I CANNOT FORGIVE YOU!"
>"Oh my god!" shouted everyone else, "It's the >Kamensamanians!"
"Ay yi yi." Sailor Jessica Rabbit started hurling cookies. "You're... your
tuxedo... um... and those silly speeches... Plus you're a jerk!!" she
shouted, realizing that it might not make sense, but what the heck, it was
one thirty in the morning. Then she realized there wasn't anyone there.
"D'oh!"
"Looking for someone bunny rabbit?" said a mysterious voice.
"Belial!" Jessica stared up at the Belial, who had taken over one of the
tanks left behind by the demolished Amichanian forces. "Umm... Hey look! A
Jackie Chan movie!"
"Where?!" Belial looked. Jessica ran away like a rabbit. Which is what she
is. Soon she bumped into yet another strange character. Actually, her head
bumped into his key.
<CLUB>
"Ow! That hurt!" She started punching him repeatedly WHILE SAYING HER
SPEECH, something the original Scouts had somehow never figured out how to
do. "Now I've never seen any episodes with Pluto so I can't really say
anything about your choice of Senshi! But that doesn't excuse your
refusing to acknowledge the majesty of Queen Jupiter!"
The owner of the big ass key managed to shake loose and get in a few clubs
with the key while declaiming the virtues of Pluto.
"Uh-huh sure." said Sailor Jessica Rabbit, unimpressed, and started
lobbing cookies at him... When suddenly she saw a mysterious figure coming
out of the mists with a glowing golden rod in one hand.
"Yi! It's Warthog and the Kwii Buster!"
"Hey, how'd you know what *She* gave me?" Warthog asked.
"Uh, I read the posts. Please don't touch me with that thing! I don't want
to be cute! I'm not sprightly! Take him instead!"
"Well actually, I was looking for Belia-"
Panicked at the thought of being <shudder> kawaii, Sailor Jessica Rabbit
pushed the owner of the B. A. K. towards Warthog and his new weapon.
<POOF!> He was turned into a small stuffed version of himself.
"That's soo... cute." said Sailor Jessica Rabbit in spite of herself.
"I'll be that cute over my dead body!" she challenged Warthog, scooping up
the big ass key.
"Do not resist..." said Warthog, holding up the Kwii Buster which glowed
golden. "Venus is all powerful! You and I, Jessica, we can rule the Sailor
Moon universe together!"
"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Sailor Jessica muttered to herself,
and brandished the big ass key, which began to glow a bright white.
"Jessica..." Warthog intoned as their weapons crossed again and again.
"Obi-Wan was a fool... I mean... Er... Submit to Venus!"
"Never!" Sailor Jessica grunted, drawing strength from the Mako-chan card
in her pocket. "I'll NEVER turn to the cute side!"
And then... something else happened.
TBC...
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
Hey, *now* would be a good time for Hikagi...
Hikagi
Suddenly found that he has been left alone Hikagi wanders past the girl on
the racetrack and sighs to himself. He is totally upset that he hasn't
been helping his goddess keep up her good name for kicking big ass and
looking like she doesn't break a sweat too. Just about to give up and
walk away from the field he is beamed to Princess Haruka's court.
"Nani....?" he says with a tone of fear and the look of tears in his eyes.
"Damnit punk! Act like a man! You have a mission to do. I need you to
find the Messiah and then hook up with any Michirusanians and form a three
way alliance with Hotaruchanians if they ever show up! Now I give you my
sky power!" she says as she points at him and a beam of light flows into
his body. To his surprise he starts to get stronger and more reckless.
"Hahahahahahaha!" he says going nuts as she plants him back on the earth.
As soon as he is back by the race track he sees a giant ball of energy
come from the outer planet of Uranus. It lands right next to the track
and forms the HARUKA BIG MAN'S MOBILE MECHA BASE. Complete with the
patented SPACE SWORD CANNON and SKY IS FALLING MISSILES.
"Go and destroy the giant mural of Sailor Jupiter with this! Then
decimate the battle fields! Hayaku!" Princess Uranus shouts nearly
ripping a seam in her dress.
"Hai!"
Hikagi turns on the mecha and smiles as it begins to send out a loud
soundwave of Haruka's BGM from her transformation and stuns all those on
the field. Using the dias on top of it he unleashes the power of the Sky
King at all those before him, particularly the Makotochanians who are all
fighting with no weapons or with certain cooking utensils.
"WORLD SHAKING!" he says demolishing the defenses of the Jupiter camp. As
he comes up to the giant mural of the Sailor known as Jupiter. Diving
into a hatch of the mecha he aims the SPACE SWORD CANNON and SKY IS
FALLING MISSILES directly at it.
"SPACE SWORD BALSTER!" he shouts in triumph as he decimates the mural
easily. "Wow....what a big gun Sailor Uranus has....."
The whole plan is going rather well when....
-
In <19970201095...@ladder01.news.aol.com>, lunet...@aol.com (Lunette339) writes:
<shnip>
>"Belial!" Jessica stared up at the Belial, who had taken over one of the
>tanks left behind by the demolished Amichanian forces. "Umm... Hey look! A
>Jackie Chan movie!"
>
>"Where?!" Belial looked. Jessica ran away like a rabbit. Which is what she
>is. Soon she bumped into yet another strange character. Actually, her head
>bumped into his key.
>
><CLUB>
>
>"Ow! That hurt!" She started punching him repeatedly WHILE SAYING HER
>SPEECH, something the original Scouts had somehow never figured out how to
>do. "Now I've never seen any episodes with Pluto so I can't really say
>anything about your choice of Senshi! But that doesn't excuse your
>refusing to acknowledge the majesty of Queen Jupiter!"
>
>The owner of the big ass key managed to shake loose and get in a few clubs
>with the key while declaiming the virtues of Pluto.
>
>"Uh-huh sure." said Sailor Jessica Rabbit, unimpressed, and started
>lobbing cookies at him... When suddenly she saw a mysterious figure coming
>out of the mists with a glowing golden rod in one hand.
The figure tapped the handle in his plam with some irritation. "Now how the hell did this thing transform into light-sabre mode?" He muttered.
>
>"Yi! It's Warthog and the Kwii Buster!"
"Buster? Oh yeah!" He exclaimed, "you're right, Buster is better than blaster."
Warthog made a note of the change and then said,
>"Hey, how'd you know what *She* gave me?" Warthog asked.
>
>"Uh, I read the posts. Please don't touch me with that thing! I don't want
>to be cute! I'm not sprightly! Take him instead!"
>
>"Well actually, I was looking for Belia-"
>
>Panicked at the thought of being <shudder> kawaii,
Warthog made a note on the proper spelling of the japanese word.
> Sailor Jessica Rabbit
>pushed the owner of the B. A. K. towards Warthog and his new weapon.
><POOF!> He was turned into a small stuffed version of himself.
>
>"That's soo... cute." said Sailor Jessica Rabbit in spite of herself.
>"I'll be that cute over my dead body!" she challenged Warthog, scooping up
>the big ass key.
>
>"Do not resist..." said Warthog, holding up the Kwii Buster which glowed
>golden. "Venus is all powerful! You and I, Jessica, we can rule the Sailor
>Moon universe together!"
>
>"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Sailor Jessica muttered to herself,
>and brandished the big ass key, which began to glow a bright white.
>
>"Jessica..." Warthog intoned as their weapons crossed again and again.
>"Obi-Wan was a fool... I mean... Er... Submit to Venus!"
>
>"Never!" Sailor Jessica grunted, drawing strength from the Mako-chan card
>in her pocket. "I'll NEVER turn to the cute side!"
>
Launching a whirlwind attack, Warthog feinted and slashed at Jessica but she managed to successfully parry the blows using the B.A.K. All this exercise was making Warthog breath hard and the battlesuit helmet was restricting his airflow. Maybe if he reasoned with her again. He paused and posed dramatically,
*WHEEZE-GASP*
"Jessica, if only you knew the power of the kawaii side."
*WHEEZE-GASP*
"Join with me, unleash your sprightly nature. Jupiter is nothing but a kawaiikuni tomboy."
*WHEEZE-GASP*
"Look inside your heart, you know what I say is true. Let out your true nature, Jessica."
*WHEEZE-GASP*
Seeing that violence solves nothing, Jessica did a backflip out of range on top of the tank. "Warthog, stop," she implored, "There's still MMPR in you I know it!" That brought Warthog up short. "I don't like to talk about that first fanfic I wrote," he said darkly, "besides, that was back when the Power Rangers were campy and fun."
"But those qualites of senseless violence are inherent in the Makochanian way. That is *your* true nature." She stepped back and lowered the glowing B.A.K. I'll not fight you Warthog.
"Then Kawaii!!!" Warthog said flinging the kwii-sabre at the tank. POOF! The engine of distruction was immediately reduced into a plush toy, and Jessica tumbled down the slope a bit into the bushes. Using her rabbit like nature, she was instantly rendered invisible in the brambles.
Peering through the branches, she saw Warthog stride forward and the kawaii-sabre flew into his outstretched hand. He then began to prowl the bushes searching for Jessica but was unable to locate her. He paused for a moment and looked off into space.
After a few seconds he said aloud, "Jessica, you can't hide from me, I can feel your thoughts. They are full of concern for your friends... and especially for... sister. So, Sailor Jessica, or Lunette has a sister. Obi-wan was wise to hide her from me. Well if you won' turn to the kawaii side perhaps she will."
"NOOOO!!!!" Jessica screamed and sprang from the bushes in fury.
TBC?
Steve Allen Richards
Jeddite wrote:
> "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite
> shrieked, swinging the Glaive at his head...
Something lame happened then so taking into account the last post, I
continue:
Suddenly, a flash of creativity hit SuperSteve which usually happens
after a headache goes away and he came up with a devious plan that wasn't
as... cheap. Therefore, he sent himself back one moment in time.
Jeddite wrote:
> "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite
> shrieked, swinging the Glaive at his head...
"Hey, watch where you're swinging that thing! You'll put someone's
eye out."
Jeddite continued to attack with the glaive. "That's the point,
foolish Setsuna lover. Not even the time key can save you now."
"You asked for it. Now, meet yuor doom at the awesome fury or
whatever of the MINOR CHARACTERS!!!!" Then he summoned a minions through a
dimensional gate and called out, "Youma Widow, er, um, I mean, Kumada
Yuuchirou- come forth." Cannon fodder Chad appeared between the psycho and
the Saturnite.
"Yuuchirou-kun, *this* person thinks Tomoe Hotaru is ten times better
than Hino Rei."
Yuuchirou was shocked, hurt, and angry all at once, so he decided to
extoll the virtues of Rei-chan onto young Jeddite. "Whattya mean you dont
like Rei how can you not like Rei Rei is the greatest noone beats Rei I'll
clean the floors she walks on..."
At this point, Jeddite could not get to SuperSteve through
Yuuchirou's barrage of words. "Hey. No, its... wait... just let me... I
didn't mean... WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!"
"her grandpa's pretty cool too but not as cool as Rei herself you
know I mean sometimes she's really mean but you can't hold it against her
she's not like that all the time well most of the time..."
SuperSteve noticed that he could no attack Jeddite himself with
Yuuchiru in the way so it was time to find a new method of destruction.
"AMI," he bellowed.
"Hai," she appeared from a tank.
"What's this mean?" SuperSteve asked while holding up a poster of
ancient Greek writing that he swipd from a past point in time.
"Hold on," Ami said, "let me get my glasses."
"BWAHAHA! Jeddite, you are in the direct line of fire of Ami-chan,
BWAHAHAheeheeheeheehee (hee) hahaha." And he ran off as to not witness the
carnage.
"Who's next?" he yelled to noone in particular, but did not notice
the backup of Amichanian defense tanks heading in his direction.
Steve Allen Richards
Jeddite wrote:
> "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite
> shrieked, swinging the Glaive at his head...
Ah, but SuperSteve utilized the technique to cease time, simply
walked around behind Jeddite, let time continue and prepared to club the
Hotaruchanian.
He would have done more, but he has a terrible headache.
Jet Wolf
RockMan X wrote:
> "See 'ya in a few, JW!" X says.
Jet Wolf waves distractedly over her shoulder to her new partner,
trying to work out all the details of her Cunning Plan. She had
considered building some kind of Angst Buster that would overload
its target with heart rendering emotions while forcing them to keep
up a stoic and brave exterior, but all of her attempts to create
such a weapon had failed miserably thus far. All she'd managed to
do was depress a gerbil.
Besides, she'd caught up on all the notes and seen the Warthog had
beaten her to a similar weapon and she needed all the originality
she could get, what with these continual claims about some 'Urusei
Yatsura' chick she'd never even heard of. "Can't stand that
bastard Ataru."
She walked dejected across the battlefield, dodging the occasional
attack and kicking the broken bodies of fallen otaku out of her
path.
A rather large and heavy Chemistry book bounces off of her head,
quickly followed by a cry of "To hell with midterms!" announced
rather boldly. Jet Wolf follows the voice just in time to watch
a mass decapitation. The figure with a Glaive facsimile
intrigues her, so Jet Wolf leaps into a nearby tree, deciding to
observe for a little while...
Ophelia wrote [stuff which is chopped for your approval]:
> "What? nobody's supporting Chibi-Chibi?" she exclaims in
> outrage.
"*Chibi-Chibi*?? Mph. Well, at least she swore off the Starlights.
Don't think I could let their supports live for long."
> "Christabel!" she snaps back, glaring up at the large gargoyle
> (who is in no way, shape of form related to a certain show bearing the
> same name, and will tear your arm off if you even suggest such a
> thing, although I'll do my best to restrain her, it would probably be
> better not to antagonize her...)
Jet Wolf was about to ask if Christabel had anything to do with the
Disney cartoon, but thought it best to heed the exposition.
> "Waaaatch OUUUUTTT!" A large tank careens towards her.
"Damned Amichanians. They can't usually get their minds to focus
on anything but Her Boring Blueness <holds up sign reading
"Copyright Mark Sprauge, 1997"> long enough to actually *learn* how
to drive one of those things."
Jet Wolf's thoughts are interrupted as a huge Rei Mecha flies
overhead, backwards game music leaking through the speakers and
Ultrace's voice crying "Whoo-hoo, this is better than NiGHTS!"
"Nevermind, I didn't say anything."
> "Ieeeeee!" she yelps, and dives behind a large tree (which is
> incidently actually a giant killer worm in a fuzzy green wig and the
> prerequisite glasses with the fake nose and moustache attached)
"Hm, you know," Jet Wolf says to herself, "come to think of it,
this tree *is* a touch on the fuzzy side." She looks down and
spies an outcropping of flesh-coloured plastic.
Within seconds she was safely on the ground again, hands clapped
over her mouth to stop from screaming because that was a very
un-Jet Wolf-like thing to do. But she couldn't help the shudders
at the thought of sitting on a huge, overgrown bug with homicidal
tendencies.
"ACTUALLY," a nasal voice somewhat resembling Roland Parliment's
said from behind, "it's not a bug at all. You see, bugs belong
in the phyla of 'Arthropoda', whereas worms (specifically the
_Lumbricus_ in this instance) are members of phylum 'Annelida'
and--"
Jet Wolf give the annoying little twerp to the worm, muttering
under her breath that she was a *literature* major now, NOT
science, and thusly should not be subjected to listening to such
useless drivel. Besides, that was personal reflection and not
dialogue. Feeb.
During this time period, however, she had lost sight of her
observee, so she again wandered off across the battlefield to
the sounds a geek being mutilated.
Before long, Jet Wolf got into yet another battle with the
Happy Hindu which ended as unspectacularly as the ones
before, but she gotten a free movie out of it so it wasn't
too bad. Next time they met, however, she vowed to not be
tricked so easily. Scott would have to throw in dinner at a
nice restaurant, too.
"Hm, I think I've managed to hit all the threads that haven't
gone off on their own by now. Best get back to see what's up
with X....."
-=Jet Wolf
Who has more plans, but is lacking in time!
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"Baby trapped in film eats own hand, news at eleven."
===================================================================
Bridgewalker J, the Chestnut Cockatiel
AT that very moment, a tall, thin man dressed in ebon attire clandestinely
perused the scene from his observance area.
"Interesting," he muttered to himself. Then he pressed the medallion attached to
his chest lapel. "Are you there?"
The medallion crackled, and then his lover-partner's voice emanated from it.
"Hey there. How is it out there?"
"Dangerous—and heated. Everybody—all of the different tribes—appear to be at
odds with one another. I can't discern why, though. Even *with* my telepathy."
"Odd." A pause. "Keep observing. Check in my ten."
"Acknowledged. Love ya," Jonathan said.
"Ditto, sweetie." The medallion crackled and then silenced. Then his attention
focused on the followers of the one called both Ami and Sailor Mercury . . .
Jeddite
Steve Allen Richards wrote:
>
> Jeddite wrote:
> > "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite
> > shrieked, swinging the Glaive at his head...
>
> Ah, but SuperSteve utilized the technique to cease time, simply
> walked around behind Jeddite, let time continue and prepared to club the
> Hotaruchanian.
>
> He would have done more, but he has a terrible headache.
>
"No one stops Mighty Super Steve!" the aformentioned screeched,
swinging back the big ass key. "DIE, YOU WRETCHED SATURN SUPPORTER!".
Suddenly, Super Steve keeled over, apparently unconscious. Pluto stood
over him, calmly, holding the original Big Ass Key.
"You and your kind make me look terrible," the time guardian explained,
relieving Super Steve of his cheaper version of the big ass key. She
stepped back. "You may proceed, Jeddite,".
"Gee thanks," Jeddite replied, hoisting the Glaive up over her head.
"Like I said before...SHINE YO!!!".
"Oh no you don't!" Super Steve retorted, suddenly awake. He tumbled to
the side, just as the Glaive came slicing down to the ground.
Jeddite swung at him again. "DIE! DIE! DIE! KILL ALL PLUTO
SUPPORTERS!!!".
Super Steve narrowly dodged the Glaive's swipes at him, jumping from
side to side. "Wait-I-um-hey-ow!". He found himself backed up against
the Ami fan tank.
"You ready to taste Glaive know?" the Hotaruchanian hissed, keeping the
weapon firmly trained on her opponent.
"Not really...no," Super Steve began, cautiously. "I...thought you were
an Outer Senshi supporter!".
"I am!".
"Then you can't kill me...I'm a Plutonian!" Super Steve cried.
Jeddite pondered that for a moment. "Oh well. I support Saturn more!
Now...eat hot death!".
"Eat...hot...death?" Super Steve repeated, amazed at the stupidity of
the sentence. "How about...instead...we...um...team up as Outer
Supporters...and destroy the Inner Camps?!".
someone continue!
>
Areth
In article , ^-^ says...
>My little 'Serenity Camp' side story continues...
>
using a magic mirror to see what was happening on the
battlefield)
As Setsuna started to leave the room, something in one
of the corners caught her eye. She whirled around to see a
young girl with short hair and glasses standing there,
wearing rather badly dented armor and a sword.
"Who are you?" Setsuna asked, reading herself for a
possible attack. "And how did you get in here?"
"Oh, who me?" the girl asked, surprised to be noticed.
She put her hand behind her head and began to laugh
nervously. "Ummm...hehe...you can call me Areth. I kinda
just wandered in while you guys were looking at that mirror
thing."
"Are you part of this war?"
"Oh, no, not really. I've just been watching it."
Areth noticed that Setsuna was staring at her outfit, and
she rubbed the back of her head in renewed embarrassment.
"Umm...I think I've been playing too many RPGs lately.
Hehe."
Setsuna decided to relax, since the girl didn't seem
to ba a threat, and sat down in a nearby chair. She
motioned for Areth to sit as well. "So, why are you here?"
she asked.
"Well, I thought maybe I could give you guys a hand.
I don't think it's possible to stop this war anytime soon,
but we could at least try and get Ami and Minako out of it,
since you don't want any senshi involved."
"True. Those two are a problem," Setsuna said
thoughtfully.
"Well, Ami's not much of threat anymore, since
someone took her glasses from her. But Minako's still
bound and determined to prove her cuteness to everyone."
"And Artemis is actually letting her get away with
it?" Luna asked, coming into the room. "Ooohh! I'm going
to give that cat an earful when I find him!"
"Well, I'll talk to the others about it first,"
Setsuna said. "Maybe we can send you out with Yoshi
later."
"Great!" Areth grinned. <This is gonna be fun! Way
better than doing homework!>
> The end, for now...
>
> >
Jeddite
Camps!".
Hikagi laughs, hysterically. "Too late, Jupie-chan fan! I've already
wiped out 1/2 of the precious Inner Senshi's camp! What are you gonna do
about it?".
"Absolutely nothing!". The Saturn supporter known as Jeddite jumps atop
the HARUKA BIG MAN'S MECHA BASE, holding her Official Sailor Saturn
Really Cool and Powerful Totally Workable and Destructive Silence
Glaive. "I'm not a Jupiter fan, I'm an Outer Senshi fan, namely for
Saturn-chan...but....there are so few Saturn fans!!! Wen-chan got
clubbed w/ the big ass key, and I can't find her,".
"Wait a sec," Hikagi mutters, aiming his SPACE SWORD CANNON at a
roving, lunatic Jupie fan. It fires, turning the drooling fanboy into a
pile of Mako lovin' ashes. "You were saying?".
"SUPER STEVE doesn't wanna team up with me!" Jeddite whines. "Ursula is
a blasted Tuxedo Kamen fan! There aren't enough Saturn fans...but I want
to win anyway!!! I need to work with someone who will help me eliminate
ALL the Inner Senshi fan bases, namely Mercury! I also need tro find
Wen-chan...in return...I'll help you...um...do something really
devastating!!! Whaddya say?!".
Hikagi fires a few more shots at the fanboys. "Well...".
pick it up!
The Happy Hindu
Well, things have been as crazy as usual around the battlefield in the
ongoing Otaku War. After watching Star Wars and ending up in an
unglorious stalemate with JetWolf, he decided that he needed to go think
of something better to do for a while, so he went to the recently
destroyed WalMart to get something to drink. As he sifted through the
wreckage, an idea came to him. He quickly whipped out the atomic
paintbrush and did a little painting. A short wile later, he stood back
and stared at his handiwork. He had just painted. It was an overly cute
picture of Chibi-Usa located on a wall that was about ready to topple.
"It's so cute, I could throw up." He decided to move somewhere else before
he finished his plan.
A short while later, a horde of Chibi-Usa fans were clustered around
the image of their idol. The Hindu gave the wall a quick tap with his
paintbrush and it fell over, squashing the kawaii-lovers. "Scratch the
Chibi-Usa contingent."
Jason looked up from his Satr Wars toys. "Gee, I wish I had thought of
that." He then remembered that the Evil Professor Chronos was one of the
Chibi-Usa followers. "Hey, you weren't supposed to kill the Prof."
"He's too busy with other things, like finishing the fandub, to be out
here getting flattened by the remains of WalMart. <Flash to the Prof's
house, where he is busy practing his manacial laugh> Anyway, I had to do
something while I was waiting for JetWolf to get her revenge on me." He
pulled out his PowerBook and decided to check on the latest fanfics to
pass the time until the next post was written by whovever.
The Happy Hindu
--Who is trying to think of something to top his lightning attack and is
wondering what JetWolf has in store for him...
The Evil Professor Chronos
lunet...@aol.com (Lunette339) wrote:
>"That's soo... cute." said Sailor Jessica Rabbit in spite of herself.
>"I'll be that cute over my dead body!" she challenged Warthog, scooping
>up the big ass key.
>
>"Do not resist..." said Warthog, holding up the Kwii Buster which
>glowed golden. "Venus is all powerful! You and I, Jessica, we can rule
>the Sailor Moon universe together!"
>
>"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Sailor Jessica muttered to
>herself, and brandished the big ass key, which began to glow a bright
>white.
>
>"Jessica..." Warthog intoned as their weapons crossed again and again.
>"Obi-Wan was a fool... I mean... Er... Submit to Venus!"
>
>"Never!" Sailor Jessica grunted, drawing strength from the Mako-chan
>card in her pocket. "I'll NEVER turn to the cute side!"
>
>And then... something else happened.
Meanwhile, only a few meters away from the battling Warthog and
Jessica Rabbit, Professor Chronos and Christine were comforting a
sobbing little girl.
"WAAAAAAAH! It's not fair! Nobody loves me!" sobbed Reni.
"There, there, Reni, it's okay," said Christine, putting her
hand on the girl's shoulder. "Not EVERYONE can have an army of
obsessed, maniacal followers ..."
"That's - sniff - that's easy for you to say!" said Reni, her
words choked by tears. "You've GOT obsessed fans!"
(Reni pointed to the distance, where Wendy was beating up one
of the surviving Amy fans with her makeshift Silence Glaive,
while screaming about the glory of Saturn. Christine developed a
huge sweatdrop.)
"Nobody likes me! They all hate me because they say I stole
SuperS! AND I DIDN'T! SuperS was all Sailor Moon, just like all
the other serieseses! I was just an ACCESSORY to that stupid
Serena! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I want a new pony! And some fans!"
"Well, er, dad's your obsessed fan! Aren't you?"
Professor Chronos shrugged, and shuffled his feet guiltily.
"Well, actually, to be honest, I've never actually been able to
PICK a favourite Sailor. I like 'em all ... except Mercury and
the Starlights."
Reni sniffled, and looked as though she was about to cry.
"Yes, but, well, don't you like Reni just SLIGHTLY more than
everyone else?" her voice lowered to a conspirital whisper. "I
mean, you've got over 30 megs of Chibi-usa H pictures on your
hard drive ..."
The Professor had the good grace to look embarassed.
"WAAAAH!" sobbed Reni, tears coming out of her eyes in a very
cute anime fountain-style method.
Professor Chronos looked over at Reni, and sighed as he saw her
huge, loveable red eyes filled with tears, and her sweet loveable
voice filled with sadness. (This is the FANDUB Reni, not the DIC
one. :) It's just too much to bear to see such a cute and cuddly
little girl so upset.
"Awwww, alright," sighed the Professor, picking up the sobbing
little girl, who calms down a little. "I guess you just might be
my favourite. After all, you're so CUTE!"
At this point, in the battle raging a few feet away from the
Professor and Reni, Jessica gets a lucky shot in with the big ass
key and catches Warthog across the back of the head. With a yelp,
he loses his grip on the Kawaii Buster, which goes sailing into
the air, lands roughly on the floor, and goes off, striking Reni.
"Oh, NOOOO!" shrieks the Professor. "Do you realize what you've
done?! You've shot the cutest girl in the entire show with a beam
designed to INCREASE cuteness! Who KNOWS what such an overdose of
kawaii could do? It may destroy the universe! The effects of that
much cuteness being focused into one person are unheard of!"
There is a blinding explosion, and then, standing at ground
zero, Reni has become much shorter, her hair has become brighter,
her eyes bigger ... in short, she's transformed into ...
"Chibi? Chibi?" says Chibi-Chibi.
"Ah, so THAT explains who she is and where she came from," said
the Professor. "Oops, guess we should have put a spoiler warning
on the message, Nikki probably didn't want to know that."
"Chibi!" giggled Chibi-Chibi.
"Argh! So ... cute ... can't stand it!" gasped Jessica, and
tried to bring the big ass key down heavily on Chibi-Chibi's
head. There was a small, cute explosion, and the key transformed
into a valentine's day candy assortment with a big heart.
"Incredible!" gasped Chronos. "Her aura of cuteness is now so
powerful, anything that gets too close to her is immediately ...
cutified!"
Christine looks crestfallen. "My best friend's been reduced to
an overly-cutesy plot device with no personality!"
Suddenly, a pay phone in the middle of the battlefield rang,
and Warthog picked it up. "Hello?"
"Warthog? Hi! I'm, like, totally wondering what's going on down
there! You got a report or some junk?" came Mina's voice.
"Argh! What happened to your voice?" gasped Warthog in shock.
"Oh, well, like, Mark's writing this message, so like he's
totally doing the fandub thing so I like sound like a valley girl
now, okay? It's, like, cool, you totally get used to it after the
shock wears off. Now, can you gimme a report, huh?"
"Uh, well, Reni was accidentally exposed to the cuteness ray,
and is now ... er ... the Overcute."
"Chibi Chibi!" shouted Chibi Chibi triumphantly.
"Oh! That's, like, so totally terrible! Cuz like I used to have
the same voice actress as her in the fandub, but if she's like
Chibi-Chibi now she'll be getting Serena's VA instead! I've like
totally had my role reduced! This sucks!"
"On the bright side," Warthog added cheerfully, "she seems to
turn anything she touches into light, happy, cute things. So we
should have the entire battlefield converted into Mina lovers in
a matter of minutes."
"Oh, bonus! That is like, SO totally random!" giggled Mina.
"Okay, like, I'm totally gonna go now, I've got a big plate of
chili fries that like really need to be eaten!"
Warthog hung up, a disgusted expression on his face. "You know,
I'm beginning to think that the fandub 'valley girl venus' might
possibly be even worse than the DIC 'potted plant venus' ..."
"CHIBIIII!" shouted Chibi-chibi, running up and hugging him and
thus transforming him into a small, cute, superdeformed version
of his former self.
"Jeepers!" he exclaimed, in a very cute way.
[Disclaimer: No, the fandub Mina's valley girl dialect is, like,
nowhere NEAR as strong as it appears to be here. I'm just totally
exaggerating, or some junk. Like, for sure.]
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| Mark S Sprague, aka The Evil Professor Chronos |
| Still the Official Head of R&D for the Negaverse |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
If you have a pure soul, kindly leave it in the drop box.
RockMan X
Jet Wolf <jet...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>"Hm, I think I've managed to hit all the threads that haven't
>gone off on their own by now. Best get back to see what's up
>with X....."
Who was returning from taking the finished Akyrou Taisan Buster out
for its 'maiden firing'.
[Flashback]
Scanning the field for targets, who (or what, in this case ;) should
he find but... The plushie form of 'Super Steve'. X shrugs his
shoulders, figuring that a plushie isn't worth the trouble of
shooting, but instead picks up the plushie and tosses it into the same
room Artemis was in when he came out of _his_ plushie state. That of
the Urotsukidoji viewing room. With the tape in slow-motion.
"I'd as soon see a Setsuna-otaku get revenge on the Minakochanians
than have to take them out myself," he thinks to himself. "And if it
comes to blows between us, well, that won't be a problem."
Whereupon he comes across an Amichanian tank, incidentally, the one
that was smashed by Ophelia's gargoyles. Looking inside, he found a
few dazed Amichanians. The ones who weren't had been using their
standard issue super-micro-computers to effect repairs.
Scanning the ground around the tank, he finds a wooden sign saying
"Copyright Mark Sprague, 1997", picks it up, sticks his head through
the top of the opened door of the tank, and says "How're things going
with Her Boring Blueness???", while holding up the sign. The enraged
Amichanians climb out of the tank, attempting to charge X. He levels
the Akyrou Taisan Buster at the otaku, and pulls the trigger. At this
point 3 things happen simultaneously.
1) The SD Rei decals show her blessing an ofuda, with flashes of
another being intermixed. (Nice visual effect)
2) Little speakers in the Buster yell out "Akyrou Taisan" in Hino
Rei's voice.
3) The ofuda fly out in a ring, and separate a half second after being
shot, hitting each Amichanian in the head, and each passing out.
"Wow, it worked!" X said, holding his creation in front of him. He
grins, and teleports back to the chest.
[End Flashback]
X rematerializes to see Jet Wolf downing Diet Coke that had come from
the 2-thousand-Liter Diet Coke bottle Belial used to squash her and
sweep out the Marshmallow Rabbit's co-stars. X, who was rather
thirsty at the time, grabbed a glass and found a spigot that was
installed on the side of the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell (tm). After
taking a sip, he says, "I STILL don't see how you can drink so much of
this stuff!"
"Hey, what's that thing you're carrying? It looks like a cheap ripoff
of my Fire Soul Buster," she noted.
"In a way, it is. It's the Akyrou Taisan Buster!" X replied. "I
don't know if this'll help the Cunning Plan any, but I wouldn't know,
I don't what it is yet."
-RockMan X
Quite possibly, the only SM and MegaMan otaku participating in the
Otaku Wars...
+-------------------------------------------------+
|"Tomorrow seems undone by what happens not today:|
|Indecision brings delays; days lost, lamenting |
|lost days." |
|Official Distributor for the NEW English |
|Sailor Moon Fandub. Point your browser to |
|http://pw2.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html |
|and check it out!!! |
+-------------------------------------------------+
Steve Allen Richards
The Evil Professor Chronos wrote:
>
> >"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Sailor Jessica muttered to
> >herself, and brandished the big ass key, which began to glow a bright
> >white.
> Meanwhile, only a few meters away from the battling Warthog and
> Jessica Rabbit, Professor Chronos and Christine were comforting a
> sobbing little girl.
>
> There is a blinding explosion, and then, standing at ground
> zero, Reni has become much shorter, her hair has become brighter,
> her eyes bigger ... in short, she's transformed into ...
>
> "Chibi? Chibi?" says Chibi-Chibi.
>
> "Argh! So ... cute ... can't stand it!" gasped Jessica, and
> tried to bring the big ass key down heavily on Chibi-Chibi's
> head. There was a small, cute explosion, and the key transformed
> into a valentine's day candy assortment with a big heart.
> and then, some other stuff happened.
The candy box opened itself to reveal a wide variety of
chocolates and caramels. Amongst them was a lone candied almond which
rose up from the box on its own power. The almond split to reveal itself
to be the one and only Garnet Orb. Floating over to the location of the
plushied warriors, the Garnet Orb locates the (cute) body of SuperSteve
and revives him before forming itself back into the legendary big ass
key.
SuperSteve snatches the key from the air and twirls it
dexterously. "Hahaha, nothing can stop me! Where am I anyway?" Then he
spots the horrible, terribe, evil Professor Chronos and... aw, ain't that
the cutest thing in front of him? No, I cannot be kawaiied again! "YOU,"
he spat when locating Sailor Jessica Rabbit, "I hold you responsible for
this." Then, SuperSteve held the key out in front of him and spun it in
rapid figure eights. Running toward the rabbit... "Oops!" he said as it
slipped out of his hands and landed at the feet of the Glaiveholder,
Jeddite.
Standing defenseless at the hands of his adversaries, he snatched
up the valentine candy box and ran toward Jeddite.
Jeddite
Steve Allen Richards wrote:
>
> Jeddite wrote:
>
> > "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite
> > shrieked, swinging the Glaive at his head...
>
> continue:
>
> Suddenly, a flash of creativity hit SuperSteve which usually happens
> after a headache goes away and he came up with a devious plan that wasn't
> as... cheap. Therefore, he sent himself back one moment in time.
>
>
> > "But I'm still not letting you live, Super Steve!" Jeddite
> > shrieked, swinging the Glaive at his head...
>
Okay then.....
"Well...come on, suckers!" Super Steve yelled, above the din. "Who else
DARES to challenge...MIGHTY AWESOME SUPER STEVE!?". He threw his head
back, laughing overdramatically. "NOONE...ABSOLUTELY NOONE can possibley
match the COOLNESS of MY Setsuna-chan-san-sama! SETSUNA IS AN
ABSOLUTE GODDESS! You hear me, you lame ass Inner Senshi supporters?!
She's a Goddess I say! A GODDESS!!!".
"Who are you calling 'lame ass'?" a cold voice demanded, atop a
gleaming, blue tank.
"All the Inner Senshi and their drooling fans!" SuperSteve screamed,
raising his fist in the air. "PLUTO FOREVER, BABY!".
"I don't think so!" the opponent on the tank replied, calmly. "I have
more fans than Pluto anyway!".
SuperSteve looked up to the smug one on the tank. Ami stood there,
glasses firmly back in place. "Oh...it's you...".
"And...my mass of zombified, AMI FANBOYS!" Ami screeched, sweeping her
arm in the direction of her enormous, Amichanian aresenal.
"What are you going to do now, huh?! The only thing you can do
is...SUBMIT TO AMI FANDOM! Bwah ha ha ha ha haaaaa!".
"NOOO!" SuperSteve screamed, falling to his knees. "I'll never give
into you...you...cold fish!".
"COLD FISH?!" Ami shrieked, her voice rising several ear shattering
volumes. She whipped out a blue disc cannon. "DIE!".
"Hey SuperSteve, your minor character attack wasn't strong enough to
hold me down!" Jeddite called, running back into the scene,
Glaive in one hand, and dragging a beat up Yuichiro in the other.
"This isn't the time for this..." not-so-SuperSteve grimaced.
"Go ahead, Yuichiro," Jeddite demanded, shoving him foward,"tell
SuperSteve who the BEST senshi is!".
"Why, Hotaru-chan, of course," Yuichiro replied, conversationally. "I
just love Hotaru-chan,".
"And what of Rei?" Jeddite prompted.
"Rei's nothing to compared to the awesome awesomeness of Hotaru-chan,"
Yuichiro replied.
"Good boy," Jeddite crooned, "now-".
"DIE!!!" Ami screamed again, annoyed at the intrusion. "All of you!".
She fired the disc cannon at the group.
Thinking quickly, Jeddite and SuperSteve shoved Yuichiro into the line
of fire.
"HOTARU, I LOVE YOU!" was Yuichiro's last words, before being reduced
to a pile of ashes.
"See what you did!?" Jeddite yelled to Ami. "You killed Yuichiro!".
"Now you have to die!" SuperSteve added, twirling the big ass key over
his head.
The pair jumped toward Ami, Glaive and Big Ass Key ready...
Well...come on. Someone...either save Ami...or have Jeddite and
SuperSteve kill ogg one senshi!!!
Lunette339
The Evil Professor Chronos (I think) wrote:
> At this point, in the battle raging a few feet away from the
>Professor and Reni, Jessica gets a lucky shot in with the big ass
>key and catches Warthog across the back of the head. With a yelp,
>he loses his grip on the Kawaii Buster, which goes sailing into
>the air, lands roughly on the floor, and goes off, striking Reni.
>
> "Oh, NOOOO!" shrieks the Professor. "Do you realize what you've
>done?! You've shot the cutest girl in the entire show with a beam
>designed to INCREASE cuteness! Who KNOWS what such an overdose of
>kawaii could do? It may destroy the universe! The effects of that
>much cuteness being focused into one person are unheard of!"
>
> There is a blinding explosion, and then, standing at ground
>zero, Reni has become much shorter, her hair has become brighter,
>her eyes bigger ... in short, she's transformed into ...
>
> "Chibi? Chibi?" says Chibi-Chibi.
>
> "Ah, so THAT explains who she is and where she came from," said
>the Professor. "Oops, guess we should have put a spoiler warning
>on the message, Nikki probably didn't want to know that."
>
> "Chibi!" giggled Chibi-Chibi.
>
> "Argh! So ... cute ... can't stand it!" gasped Jessica, and
>tried to bring the big ass key down heavily on Chibi-Chibi's
>head. There was a small, cute explosion, and the key transformed
>into a valentine's day candy assortment with a big heart.
"D'oh! Super Steve's not gonna like THIS!" Jessica gasped.
<snip where the, like, totally cool Fandub Venus, like, totally calls up
Warthog to get a status report or some junk>
> Warthog hung up, a disgusted expression on his face. "You know,
>I'm beginning to think that the fandub 'valley girl venus' might
>possibly be even worse than the DIC 'potted plant venus' ..."
>
> "CHIBIIII!" shouted Chibi-chibi, running up and hugging him and
>thus transforming him into a small, cute, superdeformed version
>of his former self.
>
> "Jeepers!" he exclaimed, in a very cute way.
"Ha!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit scooped him up in her hands and laughed at
him. "I told you the cute side would destroy you!!"
"Golly gosh, what are you going to do with me?" the little stuffed warthog
asked cutely.
Sailor Jessica tucked him under her arm and scanned the battlefield. "Aha!
There he is!" She ran over to the super-deformed, ultra-kawaii Super Steve
and scooped him up as well.
"Hey! Where's my big ass key?" Super Steve squeaked.
"Oh! Such language from someone so kawaii!" Jessica scolded. "Okay you
two, I'll make you a deal. Using the powers of the Queen of the Senshis,
Jupiter, I can return you to your non-cute forms! But first you must
acknowledge Mako-chan as the true best senshi!!"
The two cute stuffed beings gasped. "NEVER!!"
"I'll, like, never turn from Minako!" Pumbaa... er, Warthog snarled.
"If I only had my big ass key, I'd show you the power of Pluto!" Super
Steve snarled as well.
"Okay, fine..." Jessica said calmly. "Then you will be stuck in these
kawaii bodies FOREVER!! Mu hu ha ha ha ha!"
Professor Chronos tapped her on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, at this point
'Bwa ha ha' would really be a more effective evil laugh."
"Oh? Oh, okay. Hey, Prof!"
"Yes?"
"I have these two stuffed toys I'm not using..." she said sweetly, holding
out Warthog and Steve. "Do you think Reenie would like to play with them?"
"NOOOOOO!" Warthog and Steve screamed.
to be continued...
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
Staunch Makochanian
The Happy Hindu
After squahing the Chibi-Usa contingent, the Hindu had taken a break
from the battle to catch up on the latest posts. Jason, still playing
with his Star Wars toys, looked out at the sidelines to find the Evil
Prof. Chronos and Christine trying to comfort a very distraught
Chibi-Us..er, Reeney. "Hey, you were right. The Prof didn't get
squashed after all."
The Hindu looked up from his laptop, held up a
sign reading "Spoiler Alert!" on it and watched Reeney get struck by
the Kawaii Buster and turn into Chibi-Chibi.
"Now there's something you don't see every day."
Just then, a giant Rei Mecha flew the overhead to
the accompanyment of Ultrace's whoops and hollers of joy.
"Arrrggghhhh! How can I read these posts with some bloody idiot constantly
buzzing me in a fraggin mecha? I've got to do something about this!"
With a few cat-like jumps worthy of Nuku-Nuku, The Hindu was standing on top of
what was once WalMart. He quickly began rummaging through his trench
coat. "Let's see now... SCSI Cables, 3D glasses, movie ticket, Cattle
Prod (save that for later), kitchen sink, checkbook (I was looking for
that), Ah!" He pulled out a large bow and a giant paintbrush with a
lightning bolt on it. He drew it back and aimed at the giant Rei
Mecha. "In the name of Rick Hunter, Isamu Dyson, and all other great
Mecha pilots, DIE!" The Paintbrush flew into the sky, striking
Ultrace's giant mecha and sending it hutrling out of control on a
collision course with Chibi-Chibi. Just before the mecha hit, it
encountered the cuteness field and transformed into a cute little
stuffed mecha that squeaked when you squoze it. Ultrace, hanging from
his parachute, looked down at his once great mecha, now a cute baby
toy. "Aw, and I was having so much fun."
Back at the Ami camp, Ami was surveying this new development with her
computer. "Good heavens! The cuteness field seems to be expanding." Greg
looked over her shoulder at the readings. "Really?" he asked. The field
came in contack with Ultrace's parachute, reducing it to a cute little
polka-dot parachute which was incapable of holding him in the air any
longer. Ultrace fell to the ground with a thud.
The Hindu was leaning on his bow for support because he was laughing so
hard. "By Ranma, this place is nuts." A storm of ofudas came out of
nowhere and obliterated the roof, sending the Hindu flying. He pulled
out a whip and a fedora and attempted to swing to safety a la Tarzan.
He only managed a George of the Jungle yell and crashed into a tree.
"Oooh!" He picked himself up and pulled an ofuda out of his hat. "Uh
Oh. I think JetWolf just found me."
JetWolf?
Nightman
ahe...@hotmail.com, [Andres, Hetzel] wrote:
>
> In article <32EFAB...@ix.netcom.com>, Jet says...
>
> then
>
> >Nightman wrote:
>
> Then Warthog, then Jason, then Hindu, then jessica, then.....
>
> FOR YOUR SOULS'S SAKE. STOP THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!
> STOP OR WE WILL ALL BE DOOMED!!!!
>
> Soon someone's going to come to Zoisite's defense, and then the
> others will join against him, and there will be four or five
> Sailors Earth discussing who's the real one, and then Zaffiru
> and Esmeraude will try to take over the fast food marketplace
> selling Big Mc Chibis (Rabbit burgers) to the contestants,
> and it's all going to turn into the Global Sailor Moon Insanity
> Thread!!!! [GSMIT]
>
> Alt.fan.sailor-moon can't be allowed to suffer such a calamity!!!!
>
> (For whoever doesn't know, the Global Ranma Insanity Thread [GRIT]
> is a monster: an ongoig otaku-war-fic that started just like this one
> about an year ago in rec.arts.anime.misc, and now takes up about half
> the bandwith of that newsgroup - with the other half being taken up by
> discussions about whether they should move that thread to its own
> newsgroup).
>
> SO HEED MY WORDS FOOLS: REPENT FROM YOUR SINFUL ACTS NOW, WHILE IT'S
> STILL TIME, BEFORE SAILOR SATURN DECIDES TO CLEANSE THIS EVIL WITH HER
> NEWSGROUP RIBBON REVOLUTION, AND BE SAVED!!!
> STOP THE GSMIT BEFORE IT SPREADS!!!
>
> Andres Hetzel (ahe...@hotmail.com)
> (Only half kidding; still, nobody take too much offence all right? :))
>
>
Bwaaa-ha-ha-ha!!! How do you think the Future Sailor Cabinet got
started, huh??!?!!!
<*Maniacal laughter in background*>
Thanks for explaining GRIT, though!
Nightman
+ http://members.aol.com/lunakun/fsc/index.htm +
Jet Wolf
RockMan X wrote:
> X rematerializes to see Jet Wolf downing Diet Coke that had come from
> the 2-thousand-Liter Diet Coke bottle Belial used to squash her and
> sweep out the Marshmallow Rabbit's co-stars. X, who was rather
> thirsty at the time, grabbed a glass and found a spigot that was
> installed on the side of the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell (tm). After
> taking a sip, he says, "I STILL don't see how you can drink so much of
> this stuff!"
Jet Wolf sighed contentedly and wondered how she was going to ration
out the remaining 500 liters that she hadn't drunk yet. "It's an
aquired taste. (Hey, I wonder if this thing is the cause for my recent
insomnia? Nahh, can never have too much caffine.)"
> "Hey, what's that thing you're carrying? It looks like a cheap ripoff
> of my Fire Soul Buster," she noted.
> "In a way, it is. It's the Akyrou Taisan Buster!" X replied. "I
> don't know if this'll help the Cunning Plan any, but I wouldn't know,
> I don't what it is yet."
A slightly embarassed flush crept across Jet Wolf's face, and she drank
slowly, trying to cover the fact that she hadn't quite worked out all
the details of the Cunning Plan yet. Finishing off the glass, she
tossed it over her shoulder where it bounced off of Darien's head,
shattering and making him yelp. Jet Wolf relished the sound of his
pain so much that she didn't mind reusing the gag.
"No doubt, no doubt at all that it'll help out beautifully in my
Cunning Plan. Yes, no doubt. Quite."
RMX looked at his partner dubiously, wondering what the odds were on him
being able to run away and join the Makonians before Jet Wolf realized
he was gone.
"ANYway. New toy, new toy, lemme see!" An SD-Jet Wolf jumped up and
down excitedly, grabbing for the weapon. X rolled his eyes and handed
it over.
She ran her hand down the barrel of the gun lovingly, checking out all
the settings and admiring the craftsmanship.
"Mmph. Go easy on the gun fondling, JW," X said. The two chuckled at
the way they were able to work in an Adam Warren Dirty Pair quote.
Jet Wolf glared at the unrushing Professor Chronos, who was preparing to
started debating with her again how Warren massacred the Lovely Angels.
Chronos backed down and stomped away, muttering under his breath about
how she was no fun, and insisting that SuperS *wasn't* a Chibi-Usa fest.
The Fire Buster was removed (although stored carefully in her subspace
pocket in case she should need it) and she strapped on the new weapon.
"Niiiiiice," she sighed, enjoying the feel of the intense spiritual
power that was at her fingertips. She aimed the weapon into the sky
and pulled the trigger, eyes shining at the sight of dozens of charged
ofudas flying into the air to be carried off into whoever's thread wants
them. Jet Wolf put her hand on RMX's shoulder, nodding happily. "Yes,
yes, *great* job. I was thinking of a name change, though. 'Akyou
Taisan Buster' is neat, but a little bulkier than I'd like. Plus, we're
just ASKING for people to spell it wrong. How about just 'Ofuda
Buster'?"
X thouhght about it. "'Ofuda Buster 5000'?"
"'Ofuda Buster 5000' it is!" The weapon glowed as the duo invoked the
Spell of Naming.
"Anyhoo, I read your report on what could be our biggest threat, that of
Warthog's fiendishly clever 'Kawaii Buster'. While I'm miffed that my
basic idea and naming scheme were stolen <Jet Wolf waved the Ofuda Buster
threateningly at whoever looked like they were going to bring up that
Warthog didn't actually call it that himself OR the fact that she herself
tole the pattern from Eudial>, there can be no denying that this is
indeed a fearsome weapon."
RMX marvelled at the brazenly run-on sentence and nodded his agreement.
"But not to worry, for this too can be part of my Cunning Plan."
"I don't suppose you're going to fill me in on that any time soon, are
you?"
Jet Wolf chuckled lightly (though the adjective X would've used was more
along the lines of "condesendingly"). "Of course, my dear X, of course.
When the time is right and I get around to answering your E-Mail, I will
indeed fill you in." 'With my usual response time, that should give me
AMPLE opportunity to figure it all out!' she thought gleefully.
"Well... I don't suppose that you can drop the bit about me wearing a
fuku..?" X asked hopefully. Jet Wolf shook her head, an almost evil grin
plastered in place. RMX sighed to himself. He seemed to be doing that
a lot lately.
"But we must prepare for the implimentation of the Cunning Plan! Come,
follow me."
The two picked their way across the battlefield where any one of a
number of things either could or did happen.
Finally, they approached a clearing and peeked through the folliage to
watch.....
Sailor Jessica Rabbit wrote:
> "Oh? Oh, okay. Hey, Prof!"
>
> "Yes?"
>
> "I have these two stuffed toys I'm not using..." she said sweetly, holding
> out Warthog and Steve. "Do you think Reenie would like to play with them?"
>
> "NOOOOOO!" Warthog and Steve screamed.
"See those two stuffed toys?" Jet Wolf asked.
X nodded.
"I want them."
TBC.....
-=Jet Wolf
Who had a good thing to say down
here but can't remember it now...
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"500kph onto permacrete should close YOUR account,
you chrome-plated dipwad!"
===================================================================
Belial
> Meanwhile...
>> "Call me Jeddite," she instructed, twirling
>>the Glaive over her head, as dramatically as
>>possible. "For clubbing Wen-chan with the big
>>ass key, and thinking Pluto has a cooler weapon
>>than Saturn, I will apply this Glaive upon you!
>>SHINE YO!". She jumped off the tank, in Super
>>Steve's general direction, Glaive extended.
> "Oh, brother," Chibi-Hotaru muttered. "Just
>what I need."
>> "You'll never kill me, you Saturn supporter!"
>>Super Steve yelled, sidestepping Jeddite. She
>>crashed into a blue mohawked, jello eating
>>man, who was engaged in a fight with a quieter,
>>sincere looking Ami supporter.
>> The blue mohawked opponent stumbeled down to
>>the ground, unconscious.
>> "I won!" the Ami supporter cheered, jumping
>>atop the Ami tank. "I won, I won! Jeddite, I
>>thought you weren't an Ami fan!?"
>> "I'm not," Jeddite muttered, standing, using
>>the Glaive for support, "but since a certain
>>blue mohawked someone never finished the
>>fanfic..."
>> "Oh..thanks any way!" he turned to Ami, who
>>was still doing her math calculations. "Come,
>>my illustrious Goddess, let us figure geometric
>>equasions together...".
Coming up behind her, Greg laid his hand on
Ami's shoulder to catch her attention,
unfortunately setting off one of the many Things
One Does Not Do To Ami If One Wishes A Long And
Healthy Life, So Says Belial, So Says The Law.
<gasp>
"Hrrk!" Belial hrrked, forcefully dragged out
of unconsciousness by an urge more powerful than
salary pay, that of Otaku devotion.
"Oh, Greg! What's wrong? Are those nasty
Minakochanians attacking again? Cutely no less?"
Ami said, in a suprised yet demure fashion.
"No Ami! But I defeated Belial in a contest
of otaku devotion! He lives there behind me
smitten mightily by Jed... er... the Jedi
power... uh... that I posess! Yes, I covered
that up well!"
Ami glanced over his shoulder. "There's two
problems there. First, he's my warrior champion,
though you be pure of heart, I seriously
question your ability to smite him so."
Fidgeting nervously, Greg mumbled something
about a lucky hit, then urged her to go on
to problem two.
"Problem two, is that there's nothing lying
there smitten but a bunch of diet coke bottles
crafted together with a piece of blue shag
carpeting on top!" Ami finished, proud of her
problem deduction concerning the not-always
obvious.
Greg's face fell. "Can't we go back to problem
one?" he pleaded.
"No, we most certainly can NOT!" intoned an
angry and malignant voice that was not Ami's,
not even on a bad day.
Grabbing Greg by the collar, Belial bowed to
his Lady Mercury, then strode off with his
prisoner bouncing across the battlefield
behind him.
"Oh those fanboys of mine!" Ami gushed cutely,
yet demurely, "Always so eager to kick ass for
all things Mercurian!" Humming a light tune
to herself, she began work on an ultimate
weapon, the third one today to be exact.
Sitting Greg down forcefully, Belial slapped
an e-mail printout into Greg's hands, pointing
at the bold script.
--------------
>"Whew, I haven't laughed like that in a
>while!!" Suddenly, the helmet drops a
>visor, giving X a Heads-Up Display, stating
>that it's picking up a transmission. "On
>speakers" he thinks to the helmet.
>> "Warthog, this is White Cat, come in
>>Warthog."
>> "This is Warthog, go ahead White Cat."
>> "Prepare for immediate teleport, 'she'
>>wants to talk to you."
>> She? Warthog though in confusion and then
>>asked breathlessly, "You mean *She*, wants
>>to talk to me?"
>> "Yes, right away," The cat answered.
>> "Message recieved. Engage teleport,"
>>Warthog said eagerly.
> "OK, copy the teleport signals and
>coordinates, and 'port me there in 30
>seconds, mark" X thinks, borrowing the
>Fire Soul Buster, and taking the Beam
>Saber with him "Dunno _what_ I'll be
>facing up there,"he thinks, "and Nikki
>won't be needing this while she's
>temporarily gone."
> In a blue flash of light, X becomes a
>blur, and teleports into the ship.
--------------
"So, we're going to go visit Venus too."
stated Belial.
"But I don't WANNA go visit Venus!" wailed
Greg, struggling in Belial's grasp, "Why
can't you just leave me and Ami alone and
go eat jello or something!?"
His upper lip curling in a manner that
would have made Elvis proud, Belial slammed
Greg into a tree several times, facefirst.
"Look Greg, I don't eat jello, okay? That's
just a joke that got taken too far dammit!"
"Ooh..." Greg mumbled around his freshly
broken teeth, "Then I guess this peace
offering of lime jello is out of order?"
"That's it!" screamed Belial, and threw
Greg mightily into the air. Staring after
him, Belial nodded to himself and tightened
the cord around his waist. "That's the
proper trajectory all right. X really
ought to be careful what that Cylon helmet
of his e-mails." Sighing and waiting for
the quickly hissing cord that trailed up
into the sky after Greg to run out, Belial
wondered briefly HOW that damn jello joke
got so out of control. "Oh well, things
like this happen I sup-" And then the cord
ran out.
Cheeks flapping mightily in the breeze,
Greg discovered the wonders of entering
high stratosphere. "Thish ishn't a very
nishe way to travel!" Greg observed,
doing his best Alfred Hitchcock
impersonation. He also noticed all his
teeth seemed to be back in their proper
position, and puzzled over this until he
realized there had been a scene change.
Figuring he might as well enjoy the ride,
he took in the few from his swiftly
ascending trajectory. "Huh... from the
angle and speed I'm going at, I'd guess
Belial must work out... or something."
From behind him came a faint call. "Not
much, ... enough to kee. .n shape!" Belial
bellowed over the wind.
"I wonder where we're headed?" Greg
wondered aloud, as such was his practise
when alone and flying through the sky
with no means of halting his impending
forceful arrival.
"The ship of the Minak...anians! The
one dir...ly in fron. .. you!"
"I wish the wind would stop whipping
his voice away like that, it's hard to
understand." Greg complained.
Even from the great distance between
them, Greg could hear the angry sigh
of Belial, and moments later, the
expected violent reaction occured,
as Belial catapulted himself forwards
by yanking on the cord between them.
"HRRRK!!!" Greg hrrrked as his forward
momentum was cut in half by Belial's
non-physics following method of slowing
down.
"Better?" asked Belial from beside Greg.
Rubbing his hip, Greg frowned, then
shrugged. "I guess so... that really
hurt a little bit you know..."
"Probably." Belial agreed, "But this'll
soften our landing a great deal, don't
you think? Plus this way I won't need to
use you as a lasso to get onto the ship."
"Oh... that *is* a good thing!" Greg
exclaimed. "But, why are we trying to
get on that red ship?"
"What red ship?" Belial asked.
Sighing, Greg pointed forward, "That
red ship, the big red one."
"WHAT?!?!" Belial screamed turning
his gaze forward to bring the medium
sized mass of metal hovering in front
of them, jets firing madly to keep it
afloat. "That's no ship! That's the
mighty Rei mecha which, since I
introduced it, has been out of the
story!"
"Oh..." said Greg unimaginatively.
"We don't want to go there then?"
"NOOO!" screamed Belial, backpedaling
his arms mightily but uselessly.
"Then why don't we change direction?"
asked Greg.
"I could barely deny the laws of
physics to get us up here, how do you
expect me to change direction?!" he
replied angrily.
"Well... uh... hmmm..." Greg said
thoughtfully.
Sighing, Belial prepared for impact.
"Never mind, I can use this to get us
back on course. All that talk of physics
briefly affected us. When I say, I want
you to shout 'Nuku-Nuku Kick!', okay?"
Puzzling over this briefly, Greg nodded
then asked why.
"Because it's the only anime I know
that's ever dealt with this kind of
situation!" Belial growled back. "NOW!"
"NUKU-NUKU KIIIICK!!!" shouted Greg.
"AIEMI PUNCH!!!" roared Belial.
"AAAAGGGH!!!" screamed Ultrace, looking
up from his Moon Zoo doujinshi in the
cockpit of the mighty red Rei mecha.
Simultaneously striking the windshield of
the mecha and squashing their faces up
against it like maniacal children, Belial
and Greg flatten their faces over a two
foot radius... each.
With this much intertial force, the mecha
tumbled wildly head over thrusters, auto
boosters frantically trying to establish
stability.
"EEEEEEEEE!!!!" Ultrace screamed,
again, covering his eyes against this
gruesome sight and flailing about wildly,
one hand smacking against a large red
button marked "Forcefully Open Cockpit
In A Fast And Loud Manner". And yes, it
is a very large button.
With a mighty explosive crack, the
cockpit windshield fired up and launched
the two Amichanians further into the
stratosphere, directly towards the large
gold ship hovering overhead.
"That was amazing!" Greg exclaimed, "And
extremely painful! How'd you make that
happen?!"
"Uh, well," Belial replied, thinking up
something more intelligent than 'I just
hoped real hard.', "I took the chance to,
uh, study that mecha earlier when Ultrace
first attacked, and uh, analyzed it's,
er... launching... stuff..."
Greg stared silently at Belial, in total
disbelief and realization they were just
both narrowly spared from becoming a small
red smear on the earth far below or a small
red smear on a much larger red mecha.
Belial misinterpeted this stare as one of
admiration, and smiled broadly, spitting
teeth and blood everywhere. (naturally,
both Belial and Greg were in top condition
by the next scene change ;)
"So what happens next?" queried Greg,
peering down at the swiftly shrinking mecha
with a teeny outraged Ultrace shaking his
fist at the two Amichanians.
Looking up, Belial tensed and flattened
himself against the cockpit window they
still clung to. "Oh, impact I suppose."
Greg blinked and looked up, only having
time to state, "Wha-" before he was
interrupted by a large section of gold
ship hull lodged in his molars.
* * * * *
Grumbling mightily about not being quite
far enough from the line of fire, Ultrace
examined the damage on the ship. "Blood,
teeth... a couple scratches... not too bad.
I just wish I had my windshield back...
Jet Wolf is gonna freak if I lose part of
the mecha."
Scratching his head, Ultrace returned to
digging teeth out of the pseudo-leather
seating.
Moments later, as gravity re-established
it's effect on a certain windshield,
Ultrace got his wish, with his head driven
into the pseudo-leather he was just trying
to clean.
* * * * *
As Belial hauled the unconscious Greg into
the hatch he had just torn open, he looked
back out just in time to see the mecha far
below bob about as the windshield
re-aquainted itself with it's pilot.
Chuckling evilly, as he was prone to do,
Belial shut the hatch and set about
smacking Greg to awaken him.
"Bff, marga tham!" declared Greg, coming
out of his coma.
"Well, yes, you should have ducked when
I did, that's true." replied Belial
nonchalantly, working loose a nearby
ventilation grate. "But if you had we
probably both would have hit and we both
would have been cranially traumatized,
and both would have plunged to an early
death."
"Mag! Thlme whop dar slig!" objected
Greg, smacking his head repeatedly into
a wall until his eyes straightened out
again. "I mean, I'd rather die before
saving your sorry- oop..."
His face hovering mere inches from Greg's
Belial gazed stonily at him. "Yes, oop
indeed. Anyway, we have more important
things to do right now. I've decided to
call a truce between us Greg. We both
admire Ami, idolize her, love her even!
So, if we both work together in her name,
it makes her twice as happy, ne?"
Greg rubbed his bruised scalp and
glared at Belial distrustfully. "Yeah...
maybe... but how come I keep getting
hurt?"
Finally wrenching the large steel grate
out of the wall (it had taken awhile
because it wasn't bolted on, it was
simply a part of the metal wall with
slats in it for ventilation ;) Belial
casually swung the jagged metal at Greg
in objection, gazing into the the tunnel
within. "Oh, pish posh. Until that point
where you chewed the Minakochanian's
ship, we were in equal agony unless you
mentioned jello. And then you got what
you deserved."
"Hmph..." hmphed Greg. "Well, I still
think you're too rough. So what do we
do here? What's your plan?"
"Well," Belial thought out loud, tugging
his goatee, "I was thinking of running
amok on the ship and tearing up computers
until it stopped working and plunged to
earth."
"Uh... killing us in the process?" asked
Greg.
"Acceptable losses in a worse case
scenario, but I never die! I mean, I
haven't yet, so I never will!" Belial
stated loudly, followed by maniacal
laughter.
A large sweat drop forming overhead,
Greg wondered how many times Belial
had tried this cranial impact method of
entry in day to day life.
"Er... how about this instead?" Greg
suggested, "We crawl around in these
ducts, listen in on top secret stuff,
and then report to Ami-chan?"
Scratching his chin in frustration,
Belial thought for a moment. "Do I
still get to destroy stuff and send
this ship plunging to earth?"
Tearing at his hair, Greg snarled
and angrily replied, "No! Then we
can't report to Ami-chan you war-
mongering moron!"
"Oh," Belial said, briefly
considering pounding Greg's face into
the wall again, then deciding to start
using his brain again instead of just
fighting. "Well, down this way then."
"You know your way around this ship?"
Greg asked confusedly.
"Look, we're here right?"
"Yeah."
"And Minako is somewhere else, right?"
"I'm following you."
"So if we go somewhere else, we
shouldn't have any trouble finding
her and listening in on super secret
plans, riiiiight?"
"Uh... hold on a second... something
about that doesn't make sense." Greg
protested.
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
Belial replied confidently, and
clambered into the duct.
Hesitating briefly, Greg followed,
wondering if Belial had completely
started using his brain again, or only
partially.
Moments later...
"Quietly... here we are..." Belial
murmured to Greg, since whispers carry.
"Amazing... I still don't understand
how you figured it out though! This
ship is huge!" Greg exclaimed quietly.
"Think about it... Minako is a leader,
she's cute, thought not as cute as some
other senshi we won't go naming, her
otaku act slavishly upon her every wish.
That air duct which carries the most
air conditioning and is largest is really
most likely to lead to her command
center than, say, the mess hall, ne?"
"ACK!" Greg shouted quietly, falling
down (which is really hard when you're
crawling in an air duct, but possible)
briefly. "You ARE using your brain again
aren't you?!"
"Shhhh... she's there." Belial replied,
grinning somewhat in the darkness, as
Greg had not noticed the large gold
maintenance signs on the roof of the duct
the whole way, giving directions and
ditzy improper sayings.
> "So how's the battle going?" Minako
>asked pleasantly. "The Amichanians
>have been decimated and their leader
>has reverted to her passive self now
>that her glasses have been removed."
"Hmph!" Belial and Greg hmphed almost
simultaneously, reminding themselves to
break some stuff on their way out.
>> "Without them she's powerless," Minako
>>gloated in a cute but pleasant fashion.
>> "The Reichanians and Makochanians are
>>limited in number but they are determined
>>and violent. Their ranks were thinned a
>>bit by the U.S.S. Warthog's reflex-ditz
>>cannon."
>X thinks, "Thinned, yes, but nowhere
>NEAR being defeated."
Belial looks up wildly and smacks his
head a few times against the duct wall,
much to Greg's dismay. "I can't help it!"
Belial protests, "I'm hearing voices
again! It's X!"
>> "Oh, that's nice."
> X rolls his eyes. "Only Minako..."
"Oooh, I don't like this at all!" Belial
protests in a whining manner, punching
his forhead repeatedly. "This voice isn't
half as entertaining as the other ones!"
>> "But their core leaders were apparently
>>unaffected and I am sorry to report that
>>the warship is no more," Warthog said
>>hesitant to displease the goddess, "it
>>was destroyed in a collision with and
>>Outer Senshi Defense Force troop carrier.
>>The wreckage largely demolished a Wal-Mart."
>> "Awww," she said with a cute pout, "but if
>>you look on the bright side, that will show
>>those Wal-Mart people what happens when
>>they stop stocking Mina dolls."
>> "I... I never though of it that way, My
>>Lady," Warthog said taken aback by her logic.
>>After a pause, he continued, "The Outer Scout
>>forces initially caused some concern but have
>>been thrown in confusion and are fighing
>>amonst themselves, with the exception of one
>>rabid Pluto fan who weilds the big-ass key."
>> "The one Pluto uses to open up the big cans
>>of whopass?" Minako asked.
>> "The same," Warthog confirmed.
Belial looks at Greg and mouths the words
'open up a can of whopass?' and Greg just
shrugs.
>> "Hmmm, disturbing. Oh well," she said
>>immediately brightening, "what are your
>>plans now?"
>> "Our scientists found that cuteness is an
>>elemental energy radiation like light.
>>Whereas light is transferred by photons,
>>kwaiiness is carried by kyutons. By
>>focusing your image through special lenses
>>and distilling your essence from all your
>>appearances in Sailor Moon, Sailor V, all
>>posters and other merchandising materials
>>plus every apperance of your super-deformed
>>likeness on web pages, we have created
>>this..." Warthog opened a heavily shielded
>>container to reveal a rod of glowing golden
>>metal.
Inside the ducts, Belial sighed in relief as
he realized the voice wasn't coming back, and
decided to put some tinfoil on his head, just
in case. "Mmmmm... crutons..." he observed.
>> "What's that supposed to do?" Artemis said
>>reaching forward to prod the strange object.
>> "No! Don't touch that!" Warthog exclaimed.
>> POOF! On contacting the metal the cat was
>>instantly transformed into a cute, stuffed,
>>plush toy version of himself. The stuffed
>>Artemis had a very surprised, (surprised but
>>cute) expression on his face.
>> "Oh, dear!" Minako said, "but he is really
>>cute. I can put him on my bed with my other
>>stuffed animals."
>> "I think I can restore him, my Lady."
>>Calling over a member of the bridge crew, he
>>said, "Stick him in a closet with the most
>>uncute video playing that you can. I suggest,
>>Legends of the Overfiend. After about an hour,
>>let him out and cut off any tentacles he
>>might have grown." With a nod, the crewman
>>carried off the stuffed cat.
>> "Anyway," Warthog said carfully picking up
>>the metal rod with a pair of tongs. "Using
>>this element, I have created a Kwaii buster."
>>He paused to drop it into a chamber of a huge,
>>over-sized weapon that looked like action-
>>figure accessory.
>> "With this, I can render our opposition cute.
>>Cute being the antetisis of the outer scouts,
>>they being so serious and war-like and all,
>>they should be especially vulnerable.
>> "The Makochanians and Reichainians openly admit
>>that they admire their respective senshi's
>>personalities or *ahem* talent more than their
>>cuteness. They should be less affected but
>>still incapacitated.
>> "And what of the Amichaninans, Ami is rather
>>cute."
Inside the duct, both of the Amichanians
simultaneously mutter, "First thing she's gotten
right so far."
>> "Yes but in a shy girl kind of way. The kwaii
>>buster should exploit the differences in
>>frequency to the point that it should be just
>>as effective on them as on Reichanians."
>> "Good..." Minako said and cutely rubbed her
>>hands in anticipation of the coming slaughter.
"You know," Belial observed to Greg, "In a scale
of cuteness, all the inner senshi have merit,
with the possible exception of Rei-" (both paused
to listen for Jet Wolf shrieking, and could just
barely hear it ;) "-but I personally don't find
Minako THAT cute... I mean, Usagi, Lita, and of
course, namely Ami I find more appealing. Mind
you, that's just my opinion. What do you think?"
"I think it's odd that we never miss any of
their conversation despite our
mini-conversations." Greg replied, and they
both shut up to increase believability.
>> "Er, there is one thing... the Kwaii buster
>>will probably be inefective on Usagichanians
>>as Usagi's kwaii factor is on the same
>>wavelength as yours."
>>"But none have shown up!" She cutely gloated
>>triumphantly.
>> "Yes, your Goddessness." He agreed. Stepping
>>into the kwaii buster vest with matching
>>shoulder cannon, Warthog affixed it to his
>>battlesuit and prepared to teleport.
>> "Where to now, my faithful servant?" She asked.
>> "I go to test our new weapon on he that is
>>the antithesis of cute: Belial."
"Ouch." said Belial. "That kinda hurt... I mean,
hey, I may not be cute, may not especially like
cute little things, but the antithesis...?"
"You don't agree?" questioned Greg.
"No, he's pretty much right, I just don't like
having it pointed out." replied Belial, causing
Greg to fall down again.
> "Holy Crap, Belial's on _everyone's_ hit list.
>If he doesn't stop fooling around with Greg, this
>thing might come to a complete halt." muttered
>X.
"Ergh..." muttered Belial, "The voices are back,
but they're saying something complementary this
time... damn tinfoil..." he finish, tearing off
the constricting tinfoil.
"Right... well, I guess we should report!" said
Greg, hoping Belial had forgotten about tearing
pieces of the ship up as his brain was working
overtime on a snappy comeback for 'Antithesis
of Cute'.
"Yeah, sure... whatever... as the heating
duct almost got right earlier, 'He who spies
and runs away, squeals on Minako and saves
the day.'"
Suddenly, red lights started flashing and
blaring sirens went off. Greg stared at
Belial in horror and Belial started getting
anxious since he'd probably have to fight now.
"What's that siren mean?!?!" shouted Minako
cutely, despite her obvious distress.
"Your Royal Cuteness! The computers have
picked up a properly spoken cliche! Someone
other than a Minakochanian is on board!"
shouted the bridge lieutenant.
"What?!" Minako gasped cutely, one hand
held up to her mouth in a tiny fist, causing
all of her otakus in the immediate area to
melt briefly. "Sound alarms, flash lights,
and kill, Kill, KILL!!!!" she screeched...
cutely. ;)
Scrabbling back through the ducts as fast
as he could with Greg bouncing about behind
him, dangling from the cord, Belial began
his "Oh Damn" chant. (oompa music begins)
"Oh, damn damn damn damn damn damn, damn-
a-nam-a, damn damn damn damn damn damn,
damn-a-nam-a, damn damn damn damn damn damn
damn-a-nam-a, dammit all!"
His head cracking repeatedly into the floor,
ceiling and wall of the duct, Greg briefly
thought it was actually a catchy tune, until
he realized it was his head providing the
backbeat that made it interesting.
In a hall not to far away, Two
Minakochanians were walking towards the
mess hall and discussing the flashing lights
and sirens.
"Well, I don't think they're THAT cute."
stated the first, gesturing to the blinding
lights. "Even with the little SD Venus that
gets burned into your retinas."
"Oh, come now! What could be less cute
that little red flashing arc welding style
lighting fixtures?! It's soooo industrial."
the second argued.
"Yeah, whatever." the first grumbled,
briefly considering joining with a less
otaku-abusing senshi. Sighing, he
decided that the big gold ship and
snazzy accomodations were too nice to
give up. Suddenly, his head snapped
up and he cocked his head to the side.
"What's wrong?" asked the second.
"I hear something... banging... can
you hear that too, or are your ears still
ringing from The Fourteen Minute Cute
this morning?" (the author apologizes
for this obscure 1984 joke, but he couldn't
resist ;)
"No, I can hear it too... sounds like...
I don't know, someone auditioning for
Stomp or something..."
"Yeah... or as if a rampaging maniac with
a blue mohawk and some poor innocent being
dragged along behind were running through
the air ducts..." said the first.
The two looked at one another and chuckled
mightily, then shrugged and kept walking.
Moments later, Belial found the achilles
heel of the ship, that being the weak
section of roof/air duct paneling. And
mightily did he plummet downard, landing
with great gusto on top of the two
screaming Minakochanians. And it was good.
Bolting down the hallway he'd fallen into,
Belial wondered what he'd landed in, making
such loud noises and squirming. Shrugging
his shoulders, he tugged the cord to make
sure Greg was still following him and
started building up a head of steam (an
easy task for Ami-otakus, being so closely
associated with water ;) as he spotted a
door ahead. "What is blocked, must be
opened!" he bellowed, putting his head
down and bracing his shoulders. The sirens
redoubled their efforts to drown out proper
cliches, coincidentally covering Belial's
thundering approach to the mess hall.
Bouncing along behind him, Greg wondered
at the cruelty of the universe and what
it was that he'd done so wrong to deserve
being stuck with this moron. Sighing,
he caught his ground on the next ricochet
into the air and landed running, slipping
the cord off of his leg. Belial seemed to
know his way around the ship, so he might
as well follow him, Greg thought.
Just thirty feet ahead, Belial's head,
mohawk leading, was about to encounter the
door.
Above the door was a neon sign. Mess Hall.
"So how is Artemis anyway?" the commander-
in-chief of All Things Cute Concerning
Kitchen Decorations asked the head cook
of Cooking-All-Foods-Cute, while he
evaluated the floral stainless steel counter
top for cute inconsistencies.
"Well, he seems to be better now that he's
not being stuffed, hentai'd, stepped on,
beaten, or burnt, but that's just my opinion,
it's not like I'm the surgeon general in
charge of Assuring-All-Patients-Are-
Sufficiently-Cuted-Up-Real-Good... gasp..."
"Hmmm, indeed, I'd be liable to agree with
you." replied the commander-in-chief of ATCCKD,
docking the cook a point for gasping uncutely
and sweating profusely over the little cute
sticky rice cakes made to look like bunnies
with big X's over their eyes.
"Well, I'll go inspect the eating area now."
he told the cook, accepting the bribe money
and erasing the docked points. "I'm sure
I'll find nothing wrong." he called back
over his shoulder.
"You better not you friggin' low-life
sell out blackmailin'..." the cook grumbled,
quickly fashioning a sticky cake to resemble
the commander in chief and then squashing it
none too cutely all over the counter top.
Suddenly looking up he tilted his head and
wondered why the sirens had just gotten
louder, and why he could no longer hear
the Stomp music someone had been playing.
"Probably not cute enough..." he grumbled,
wishing that he had applied to one of the
other less-insane senshi.
"BELIAL MIGHTY DASHING IMPACT... STRIKE!!"
Belial roared, mere inches from the door,
the scene frozen, crewmen chasing after
Greg and himself in the background, Greg
waving his arms and shouting negatives to
an ignorant Belial, and Belial's proud
mohawk, touching the door's exterior, the
razor-sharp tines glinting evilly in the
flashing red lights.
Back in the mess hall...
"Hmmmm..." observed the commander-in-chief,
examining the door closely. Suddenly, he
heard a a loud thump, followed by a pained
scream from the other side of the door.
Pressing his ear against it, he heard two
people talking.
"...it's stuck I tell you! I'm imbedded to
the roots in this door!"
"Dammit, why couldn't you just turn the
handle?! Why do you have to do everything
so violently!?"
"Look, I can't get out, so just loosen
the pins there... yeah, and hurry, I
think those crew members are catching
up."
"Actually, they're just watching... they
seem to think this is somehow cute...
kind of america's funniest home video cute,
the sickly kind."
"WHAT?! Associating me with Bob Saget?!?!
KILL!!!!!"
Flinching back from the door, the
commander frowned at this blatantly uncute
action. Screaming was not done by males
cutely very often, and this was practically,
why, practically the antithesis of cute!
Suddenly, the door fell on him, crushing
all thoughts of cute or otherwise.
"GYAH!!! KILL!!!" screamed Belial, gyrating
wildly atop his mohawk, trying to free
himself.
"Hey, look everybody!" called an anonymous
figure, "Breakdancing is back!"
Laughter ensued. Followed immediately by
rage, as Belial once again defied physics
by standing on the door and lifting it
over his head.
"I'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF Y-" began
Belial, interrupting himself as he noticed
there were well over a thousand Minako-
otakus in the room.
"Well," Greg snidely said, "I think this
is NOT the exact exit from the ship."
"Oh shut up!" snapped Belial, tensing
for battle and because he had a large
metal, gold-colored, 500-pound door on
his head.
End Part1
e_bi...@husky1.stmarys.ca
heh heh heh....finally caught up on the posts, and i can't resist it...
StarGazer fanned her wings in eager antipation...why not? Dragons get
some perks (just a small dragon :>). Shaking a few white feathers loose,
she checked over her latest contraption and chortled evilly.
'Time to cause mayhem for Master Zoisite...heh heh heh..'
Surveying the carnage she couldn't decide where to start. The
Reichanians were cauing mayhem--that was a good thing, she supposed.
The Makochanians she could appreciate, in a bizarre sort of way, and
the Amichanians...well...it was better not to think about the Amichanians.
Just as she was about to give up, Star noticed the Minakochanians.
'Ugh....kawaii.' She bared her fangs. 'Only Zoey-chan can be kawaii!'
Preparing her Petal Spiral Blaster, StarGazer swooped down on the
Minakochanian's ships with a deafening cry of "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!"
Her first blast took the side out of one ship. Cuckling evilly,
StarGazer dove low. "Now where's that cat? Heeee-rre kitty kitty kitty..."
She succeeded in spotting Artemis, only to watch him pummet through a
convenient hole in the ground. Smirking, she whirled around. Maybe there
were some of Cape Boy's followers lurking about....
any takers? :>
(i'd interact more, but i think i missed some of the important parts :>)
StarGazer
(insert spiffy .sig here)
Belial
"GYAH!!! KILL!!!" screamed Belial, gyrating
wildly atop his mohawk, trying to free
himself.
"Hey, look everybody!" called an anonymous
figure, "Breakdancing is back!"
Laughter ensued. Followed immediately by
rage, as Belial once again defied physics
by standing on the door and lifting it
over his head.
"I'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF Y-" began
Belial, interrupting himself as he noticed
there were well over a thousand Minako-
otakus in the room.
"Well," Greg snidely said, "I think this
is NOT the exact exit from the ship."
"Oh shut up!" snapped Belial, tensing
metal gold-colored, 500-pound door on
his head.
---------
Sorry about this, but I just can't stop
writing! <grin>
---------
"Right... well, I guess this being
outnumbered thing is bad, right?" Greg
asked Belial.
"Yes... yes it bloody well is!!!" Belial
shouted in Greg's face.
"Eeesh... don't get mad or nothing." Greg
mumbled, sitting down cross-legged in a
peaceful protest of violence.
"After that Bob Saget comment, I'll do a
lot more than get mad! And breakdancing?!"
snarled Belial, "That sealed your fate!
I hate rap! I've always been a bit more
into industrial and punk... you know,
rushing and moshing..." Belial paused
to think.
"I _really_ don't like that look on your
face." said Greg. "Much more disturbing
than the usual one."
"Quiet you. I'm going to need a little
inspiration here..." Belial snapped,
grabbing his mini-tape recorder out of
a pocket. "Good thing I have no morals
about boot-legging music." And with that,
Belial lodged the recorder between his
mohawk and the massive metal door, which
coincidentally, acted as an excellent
amplifier of the otherwise pitiful
speaker. Then pressing play, he released
the harmonic and soothing sounds of Trent
Reznor, Nine Inch Nails, 'March of the
Pigs'.
"HOW'S THAT FOR OPENING UP A CAN OF
WHOPASS?!?!" shouted Belial over the
din.
"ARRRRGGGGH!" screamed the assembled
Minakochanians, as their cute-attuned
ears were mightily abused by the most
un-cute music.
"STEP RIGHT UP, RUSH, PUSH,
CRAWL RIGHT UP ON YOUR KNEES,
PLEASE, GREED, FEED! (NO TIME TO HESITATE)
I WANT A LITTLE BIT, I WANT A PIECE OF IT,
I THINK HE'S LOSING IT!
I WANT TO WATCH IT COME DOWN!"
Scattered protests and rallying cute
chants opposed the music, finally
climaxing in a cute attack even the
Minako-Otaku could hardly withstand,
that being of course, "Rain or Shine".
"RAIN OR SHINE, I'M HAPPIEST,
WHEN I'M WITH TUXEDO MASK,
HE MAKES ME SING, HE MAKES ME LAUGH,
THAT'S WHY I LOVE TUXEDO MASK!!!!!"
"Gaaah!" screamed Belial, swinging the
door about as he clutched his ears, and
tossing many crewmembers about in the
process. "Too...! Disgustingly...!
Cute!!!!" And with that, he grabbed
Greg by the collar and ran for the
large and mightily thick bay windows.
Naturally, he didn't break something
designed to withstand the vaccuum of
space, but simply smashed into it and
collapsed to the floor, smashing the
tape recorder in the process. On the
up side, Belial's hair came out of the
metal door. All the annoying music in
the area stopped as the maniacally
giggling Minakochanians began to close
in.
"Oh, crap." stated Greg, crouched next
to the unconscious aspiring dictator and
fellow Amichanian.
Suddenly, Greg was bolstered by that
thought. Fellow Amichanian! Thousands
upon thousands of slavering otaku, all
dedicated to a blue-haired goddess!
"I will draw strength from my fellow
Otaku in this grim and potentially
final battle!" Greg shouted mightily,
raising one fist in the air. "We are
right in our cause and cannot be
defeated! Lend me your will Amichanians!"
"Are you ripping this off of every
Sailor Moon movie there is where she
borrows strength from the other scouts
to defeat the evil?!" accused Minako,
suddenly appearing in a giant golden
battle-suit.
"Er... no!" protested Greg, blatantly
lying. "I'm... uh... ripping this
katana off of this unconscious maniac!"
And with that, the katana which had,
until now, not made an appearance, did.
"Cripes!" shouted a miscallaneous
Minakochanian. "Watch it, that's thing's
sharp!"
Blushing, Greg stuck one arm over the
back of his head with the elbow straight
up. "Oh, sorry."
Unfortunately this was the hand holding
the katana. Also unfortunately, Greg
was standing in front of the self-same
bay windows Belial could not smash. Yet
unfortunately again, the windows were
of a technologically advanced plastic
(God knows how the Minakochanians got it ;)
which withstood pressure well by being
pliable. Pliable being easily cut.
"Eeep!" eeeped Greg, as he and the
half-conscious Belial (still clutching the
door, he dragged it with him) were sucked
through the slash in the window and into
the upper stratosphere.
"Oh my!" exclaimed Minako cutely, "Can
somebody please block that hole before we
all lose our oxygen and die?"
Looking about, one of the otaku pointed
at the battle suit and shouted, "That's
the largest thing here! It'll block it
perfectly!"
After the others stopped pummeling him,
he belatedly suggested, "Or we could justh
usthe the other doow."
"Think of that next time *before* you
lose your teeth!" a snide and heavily
Artemis declared. While he was busy
boosting his self-confidence by
scratching the helpless otaku repeatedly,
the crewmembers lugged the door over and
welded it over the hole.
"That'll hold for now," one said, "but
Belial has secret information and has
openly mocked our cause! He must be
destroyed! Uh... where is Warthog
anyway?"
All the crewmembers looked to one
another and shrugged, none having the
best memories as was, on top of being
Minakochanians. In the background
Artemis was cackling insanely and
punching the already pounded otaku
repeatedly.
Thinking to herself about how much
she'd like to go about in a nurse outfit
and attack all the unsuspecting senshi,
well, more so than usual, Minako looked
thoughtful... such as she could. "Well,
I guess that's for him to know and
for us to boycott No Doubt. Artemis,
stop torturing that otaku." Artemis
sighed mightily and sulked off in the
corner.
After all her faithful otaku were done
growing large sweat drops at the last
mangled cliche, they swiftly recovered
and celebrated. After all, if their
ditzy leader was spewing such useless
commentaries, she MUST be working on
a plan!
'I would wear the pumps next weekend,
but I have nothing to accesorize with
except that nurse outfit, and I don't
like the look on the male otakus (and
some of the females) when they see me
in that!' she thought to herself.
Meanwhile, plummeting elsewhere...
"So, I guess we're gonna die now, huh
Belial?" asked Greg, as he, Belial,
half a door, and a katana plunged
earthwards.
"Oh, probably... and I never even
got to break much!" lamented Belial.
Sighing, Greg seated himself on top
of the massive door to avoid burn-up
on re-entry, and began lamenting all
the times he wanted to ask Ami out
but never quite did. Belial sheathed
the katana somewhere under his coat
and wondered what death would taste
like. "Probably marzipan." he grumbled.
"Hey! Wait a second! I forgot! Lack
of knowledge of physics! Surely it can
save me now!" Belial shouted.
"Oh good God... as if dying wasn't
bad enough!" Greg moaned, burying
his head in his hands.
> "Well...come on, suckers!" Super Steve
>yelled, above the din. "Who else DARES to
>challenge...MIGHTY AWESOME SUPER STEVE!?".
>He threw his head back, laughing
>overdramatically. "NO ONE... ABSOLUTELY NO
>ONE can possibley match the COOLNESS of MY
>Setsuna-chan-san-sama! SETSUNA IS AN
>ABSOLUTE GODDESS! You hear me, you lame ass
>Inner Senshi supporters?! She's a Goddess
>I say! A GODDESS!!!".
> "Who are you calling 'lame ass'?" a cold
>voice demanded, atop a gleaming, blue tank.
> "All the Inner Senshi and their drooling
>fans!" SuperSteve screamed, raising his fist
>in the air. "PLUTO FOREVER, BABY!".
> "I don't think so!" the opponent on the
>tank replied, calmly. "I have more fans
>than Pluto anyway!".
> SuperSteve looked up to the smug one on
>the tank. Ami stood there, glasses firmly
>back in place. "Oh... it's you..."
> "And... my mass of AMI FANBOYS!" Ami
>screeched, sweeping her arm in the
>direction of her enormous, Amichanian aresenal.
> "What are you going to do now, huh?! The
>only thing you can do is... SUBMIT TO AMI
>FANDOM! Bwah ha ha ha ha haaaaa!"
> "NOOO!" SuperSteve screamed, falling to
>his knees. "I'll never give into you...
>you... cold fish!"
> "COLD FISH?!" Ami shrieked, her voice rising
>several ear shattering volumes. She whipped
>out a blue disc cannon. "DIE!"
> "Hey SuperSteve, your minor character
>attack wasn't strong enough to hold me down!"
>Jeddite called, running back into the scene,
>Glaive in one hand, and dragging a beat up
>Yuichiro in the other.
> "This isn't the time for this..."
>not-so-SuperSteve grimaced.
> "Go ahead, Yuichiro," Jeddite demanded,
>shoving him foward,"tell SuperSteve who
>the BEST senshi is!"
> "Why, Hotaru-chan, of course," Yuichiro
>replied, conversationally. "I just love
>Hotaru-chan."
> "And what of Rei?" Jeddite prompted.
"So what's the plan?" Greg asked Belial,
who was eagerly peering over the side of
the door, which was turning cherry red
around the edges.
"Well, if I told you, I'd probably have
to think it over, which would cause
physics to re-assert themselves when I
realize this is implausible to an extreme
in the nth degree."
Greg blanched. "That doesn't bode well
for the odds of this working, does it?"
Belial shrugged. "I think I can see some
battle going on below. And there's a shiny
blue tank! Ami-chan must be there!"
> "Rei's nothing to compared to the awesome
>awesomeness of Hotaru-chan."
>Yuichiro replied.
> "Good boy," Jeddite crooned, "now-"
> "DIE!!!" Ami screamed again, annoyed at
>the intrusion. "All of you!" She fired the
>disc cannon at the group.
"She must have her glasses back." assumed
Greg.
Belial nodded quietly, impressed despite
himself.
> Thinking quickly, Jeddite and SuperSteve
>shoved Yuichiro into the line of fire.
> "HOTARU, I LOVE YOU!" was Yuichiro's last
>words, before being reduced to a pile of
>ashes.
> "See what you did!?" Jeddite yelled to Ami.
>"You killed Yuichiro!"
> "Now you have to die!" SuperSteve added,
>twirling the big ass key over his head.
> The pair jumped toward Ami, Glaive and Big
>Ass Key ready...
Plummeting at a speed near that of real,
real fast, the half-molten door speared
down from the sky to aim directly between
the confrontation. In yet another frozen
tableau, SuperSteve and Jeddite were
screaming and backpedalling wildly in
mid-air, Ami was grimacing threateningly
and hefting a large automatic rifle,
and Belial had grabbed Greg and tossed
him over his shoulder.
Action.
"Hup!" shouted Belial, launching himself
and Greg up and off the veritable missile
of death when it was but one foot off the
ground. They landed lightly a few feet away,
pushed somewhat by the mighty shockwave.
Jeddite and SuperSteve on the other
hand, less burdened by merely their own
weight and silly attack positions causing
more air resistance, were launched for
many a mile away on a flat trajectory.
Ami calculated it. ;)
"Belial! Greg! Not fighting?!?!" Ami
exclaimed demurely.
"Ha ha ha!" Belial laughed in a manly
manner, setting a somewhat shaken Greg
down safely. "We decided that in your
glorious service, no sacrifice was too
great! Besides, I needed a counterweight."
"Gleck." added Greg, rocking back and
forth and humming to himself.
Ami put a shocked hand to her mouth,
saying "Oh my!" in an understated manner.
"Yes, he does seem to be in shock...
well, he'll pull through. Anyway, here's
the report on the Minakochanians and their
evil secret weapon, which has already turned
on them numerous times it seems."
"Oh?" asked Ami, "How do you know?"
"Well, at the same time I was writing the
report with Greg (we'll share the credit)
I was observing the immediate surface of
the globe from up there. Something bad
happened to Warthog, and Steve too I
believe, man that guy works fast at
getting into trouble. And now Jet Wolf is
after them!"
"Really? Er... how can you tell?!" Ami
demanded.
"Well, because she and X are right over
there behind those bushes watching the
Prof and Jessica Rabbit... who, if I'm
not mistaken, wants to punch me for some
reason... oh well. Anyway, see, there's
Jet Wolf. Hey! HEY WOLFY! OVER HERE!!!"
Naturally, Jet Wolf and X sprouted
rather large and obvious sweat drops.
Jessica Rabbit and the Prof looked
over as well.
Squinting mightily, the Prof wondered
aloud, "Why are those bushes embarrased/
uncomfortable?"
Squinting even more mightier, Jessica
pointed at Belial, shouting "YOU!!!!
MAKO-HATER!!!!"
"Erk." Belial wittily rejoined. "I'm
going to be over... uh... away." And
he was, leaving Ami to take a still
shaken Greg to the infirmary in her
mighty blue battle tank.
Belial,
who's written enough bloody script for
the Otaku wars everyone can shut their
yap about the fanfic!!! <grin>
RockMan X
Jet Wolf <jet...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>RockMan X wrote:
>> X rematerializes to see Jet Wolf downing Diet Coke that had come from
>> the 2-thousand-Liter Diet Coke bottle Belial used to squash her and
>> sweep out the Marshmallow Rabbit's co-stars. X, who was rather
>> thirsty at the time, grabbed a glass and found a spigot that was
>> installed on the side of the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell (tm). After
>> taking a sip, he says, "I STILL don't see how you can drink so much of
>> this stuff!"
>Jet Wolf sighed contentedly and wondered how she was going to ration
>out the remaining 500 liters that she hadn't drunk yet. "It's an
>aquired taste. (Hey, I wonder if this thing is the cause for my recent
>insomnia? Nahh, can never have too much caffine.)"
X nods, while downing a can of Mt. Dew.
>> "Hey, what's that thing you're carrying? It looks like a cheap ripoff
>> of my Fire Soul Buster," she noted.
>> "In a way, it is. It's the Akyrou Taisan Buster!" X replied. "I
>> don't know if this'll help the Cunning Plan any, but I wouldn't know,
>> I don't what it is yet."
>A slightly embarassed flush crept across Jet Wolf's face, and she drank
>slowly, trying to cover the fact that she hadn't quite worked out all
>the details of the Cunning Plan yet. Finishing off the glass, she
>tossed it over her shoulder where it bounced off of Darien's head,
>shattering and making him yelp. Jet Wolf relished the sound of his
>pain so much that she didn't mind reusing the gag.
"Y'know, I do wonder why you don't do that more often," X observed.
>"No doubt, no doubt at all that it'll help out beautifully in my
>Cunning Plan. Yes, no doubt. Quite."
>RMX looked at his partner dubiously, wondering what the odds were on him
>being able to run away and join the Makonians before Jet Wolf realized
>he was gone.
Especially since he:
1) Didn't relish becoming a transvestite, and
2) Didn't know if the fuku in question was a normal fuku or a Senshi
fuku.
>"ANYway. New toy, new toy, lemme see!" An SD-Jet Wolf jumped up and
>down excitedly, grabbing for the weapon. X rolled his eyes and handed
>it over.
>She ran her hand down the barrel of the gun lovingly, checking out all
>the settings and admiring the craftsmanship.
>"Mmph. Go easy on the gun fondling, JW," X said. The two chuckled at
>the way they were able to work in an Adam Warren Dirty Pair quote.
"Unfortunately, there are no hollowpoints or hypervelocity
penetrators. Ofuda can't do that." X says, smiling.
>Jet Wolf glared at the unrushing Professor Chronos, who was preparing to
>started debating with her again how Warren massacred the Lovely Angels.
>Chronos backed down and stomped away, muttering under his breath about
>how she was no fun, and insisting that SuperS *wasn't* a Chibi-Usa fest.
X looks a bit puzzled, not knowing that there were people that thought
AW's DP was not awesome. Well, not counting Biohazard. ;)
'With her response time, the Otaku Wars will be over with and a fond
memory, as long as that last E-Mail was,' X thinks, smiling all the
same.
>"Well... I don't suppose that you can drop the bit about me wearing a
>fuku..?" X asked hopefully. Jet Wolf shook her head, an almost evil grin
>plastered in place. RMX sighed to himself. He seemed to be doing that
>a lot lately.
>"But we must prepare for the implimentation of the Cunning Plan! Come,
>follow me."
>The two picked their way across the battlefield where any one of a
>number of things either could or did happen.
>Finally, they approached a clearing and peeked through the folliage to
>watch.....
>Sailor Jessica Rabbit wrote:
>> "Oh? Oh, okay. Hey, Prof!"
>>
>> "Yes?"
>>
>> "I have these two stuffed toys I'm not using..." she said sweetly, holding
>> out Warthog and Steve. "Do you think Reenie would like to play with them?"
>>
>> "NOOOOOO!" Warthog and Steve screamed.
>"See those two stuffed toys?" Jet Wolf asked.
>X nodded.
>"I want them."
He thinks to himself, "What's up with S.S. being a plushie again? I
thought he'd be wreaking havoc on the Minakochanians about now."
X gathers the things he'd need; the Ofuda Buster 5000, and the Beam
Sabre (never leave home without it), as well as an innocuous looking
paper fan. With a flick of the ankle, X launches himself through the
bushes. Unfortunately, the Tenchi shirt catches on the shrubbery.
"Dammit! Leggo!" He wiggles out of the shirt, finishes rushing, and
puts on a Ranma 1/2 shirt in its stead. Finally through the bushes, X
sees Sailor Jessica Rabbit about to give the plushies to the Prof.
"Hold it right there!" X cries.
In typical FSC fashion, the Prof and S.J.R. turn their heads in the
direction of the voice and say [everyone guess], "Who's there??!?"
Several not-so-creative replies run through X's mind, but he decides
to make one up. "I claim those plushies in the name of Nik...er, Hino
Rei! Hand them over, and I won't maim you too badly."
S.J.R. puts the plushies down on the ground. Rushing forward, she
yells, "Oh, yeah?? In the name of Jupiter, I'll PUNCH you!!"
X grins the grin of the cocky, aims the Ofuda Buster 5000, and fires.
The last thing X thinks that S.J.R. would have heard was "Akyrou
Taisan". IF the few dozen ofuda had hit.
He failed to realize that since Sailor Jessica Rabbit was a Sailor
Senshi (FSC or otherwise), she had increased reflexes that few could
match.
"Masaka!" X cried, while sidestepping the punch that Sailor Jessica
Rabbit threw. A few feet from her fist, a tree was leveled. "Just
from the air pressure..." he notes.
Using yet another Anime Attack Shamelessly Ripped Off From A Non
Sailor Moon Source, X decides to use a different approach.
Sailor Jessica Rabbit recovers from the punch, and begins another.
While she starts it, X yells, "Saotome School of Indiscriminate
Grappling Final Technique Revised Version!!!" [At this point,
everyone who thinks they know what's going to happen facefaults]
S.J.R. throws the punch, which X ducks under, while saying, "Face
Opponent and..." he turns around in mid-crouch, "Fast Break!!!" he
runs off into some bushes, 90° from where he came out.
"Huh?? He ran! That coward!" S.J.R. yells.
Before she can continue, X reappears from the same bushes he had just
ran into (this time wearing a Fushigi Yuugi shirt), jumps into the
air, grabs the paper fan from seemingly nowhere [actually, from his
back pocket], and yells "Lekka Shien!!!!!" while waving the fan away
from him in an arc.[*2] Flames erupt from the fan, setting the grass
on fire, in a ring around Sailor Jessica Rabbit. [The fan doesn't
catch on fire; it's magical]
X lands in the ring of flame besides the FSC Senshi, and proceeds to
stun her with a lower powered Beam Sabre attack. Much to his dismay,
however, she channels some lightning into her hands, then tossing it
at him, while he's still trying to swing it. "SPARKLING WIDE
PRESSURE!!!"
"DAAAAAMIIIIIIIT!!" X yells, taking the electricity in the chest, and
flying through the flames.
Jet Wolf, who's watching this, is thinking that good help is hard to
find. ;)
"You had enough? These plushies are going to Professor Chronos and
Reenie!" Jessica Rabbit yells.
"Not yet...." X gets to his feet, breathing heavily, the light again
flashing on the helmet [*1]. He swings the Beam Sabre in an arc,
releasing a crescent of green energy. Then he uses the Ofuda Buster
5000, firing 2 dozen ofuda, with a cry of 'Akyrou Taisan!' coming from
the weapon. Finally, he follows up with a 'Lekka Shien' attack.
Sailor Jessica Rabbit dodges the Beam Sabre attack, but gets tagged by
a couple of ofuda in the process. Falling unconscious, she misses the
flames.
X raises his right arm in triumph [bittersweet as it may be; that
electricity smarted like a mother], striking a pose. Then he gathers
the plushies of Warthog and Super Steve, placing ofudas on them,
silencing their protests. During this time, X's body flashes yellow
every couple of seconds.
He turns his attention to the Prof, who had almost succeeded in being
totally ignored during the entire battle. "Though I _really_ don't
see how anyone can be a Chibi-Usa otaku AND hate the Adam Warren Dirty
Pair, I'm not so evil as to toast you." X grins. "Just FINISH THAT
FANDUB!!!" He yells, before dashing off, this time _jumping_ over the
bushes.
Jet Wolf turns to see X landing behing her, holding the silent forms
of the 2 plushies. "Well, it _took_ you long enough." Jet Wolf says,
while walking back towards the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm). The
yellow flashing ceased, as did the flashing helmet light.
"Well, the fact that Jessica was a Senshi didn't help matters any.
But she's the only FSC senshi that's had an active role in the Otaku
Wars. And I have to admit, I did let up on her."
Jet Wolf raises an eyebrow at this. "Do I detect a bit of _ego_
there, X-san??"
"No, I could have Shi Chi Houkoudan'ed her after the first punch. I
consider this a test of my endurance. If I can live through a
Sparkling Wide Pressure attack, then I can certainly take a lot, ne?"
TBC???
*1: Has anyone here played MegaMan X?? The flashing helmet light is
a ripoff from that game. When his energy is low, MegaMan X will
breathe heavily and the helmet light will flash. And about the yellow
body flashing: M.M.X (in MegaMan X3) can recover energy with a
special upgrade. He flashes yellow when he regains lost energy. Just
FYI. And no, I don't know what a 'Cyclon' is.
*2: Tasuki, a Suzaku Seishi from _Fushigi Yuugi_, uses this as a
primary magical attack. Watch it! Love it!
Author's note: Being unaccustomed to writing the actions of other
people, I tend to _not_ have them speak a lot. Gomen, minna.
-RockMan X
The Happy Hindu
In article <32F544...@ix.netcom.com>, Jet Wolf <jet...@ix.netcom.com>
wrote:
> The Fire Buster was removed (although stored carefully in her subspace
> pocket in case she should need it) and she strapped on the new weapon.
> "Niiiiiice," she sighed, enjoying the feel of the intense spiritual
> power that was at her fingertips. She aimed the weapon into the sky
> and pulled the trigger, eyes shining at the sight of dozens of charged
> ofudas flying into the air to be carried off into whoever's thread wants
> them.
Funny you should say that. They wound up in my last post and blew me off
the roof of WalMart. After an undignified landing worthy of George of the
Jungle, the Hindu is laying on the ground feeling rather dazed and staring
at an ofuda that had gone through his fedora.
Care to pick up from there?
Hindu (Scott)
Jason Bramlett
Belial wrote:
>
> ...boycott No Doubt.
"I must boycott No Doubt," Jason thought to himself. "Hmmm, I wonder
why I thought of that. Subliminal message? Nahhhh, I'm probably just
hungry." Since he was near the Wal-Mart and because it was a
supercenter, Jason decided he'd find food there. After waving to the
Happy Hindu, who had oddly fell off the store's roof, Jason went
inside. After dodging the crowd of looters, he found himself in the
snack aisle. He snagged a bag of those white powdered donuts and headed
out. "Maybe all this sugar will help me think of something useful to
do."
After eating the bag of donuts, finishing off those remaining blue and
green pixie stix, and drinking a six pack of mello yello, he started
running around for no reason. Ten minutes later, he stopped and began
staring at this big gold door. "Wow," he thought, "A big gold door.
Cool, a door big gold. It's amazing, that's a gold door big." He
stayed that way until needed again. "It's huge. Big. Gigantic.
Mammoth. Large..."
--
Attention Gemini, as a result of the earmuff incident, your roommate now
thinks you're completely evil. When friends call, she tells them you're
out jogging...with the devil. Plus she believes the only way to save
you is by eating the meat portions of your frozen dinners. Time to bury
the hatchet, so to speak.
Zorak's Horror Scopes
Jet Wolf
The Happy Hindu wrote:
> The Hindu was leaning on his bow for support because he was laughing
> so hard. "By Ranma, this place is nuts." A storm of ofudas came out of
> nowhere and obliterated the roof, sending the Hindu flying. He pulled
> out a whip and a fedora and attempted to swing to safety a la Tarzan.
> He only managed a George of the Jungle yell and crashed into a tree.
> "Oooh!" He picked himself up and pulled an ofuda out of his hat. "Uh
> Oh. I think JetWolf just found me."
>
> JetWolf?
>>The two [being Jet Wolf and RMX] picked their way across the
>>battlefield where any one of a number of things either could or did
>>happen.
"Hark, did you hear that?" Jet Wolf asked, coming out of the defensive
crouch that they'd been crossing the battlefield in and turning an ear
towards the wind.
"Hark?" RMX queried. "Does anyone actually say that anymore?" Jet Wolf
waved her hand as a signal to X to be quiet. X grumbled to himself that
she'd ASKED a question, and he'd only answered it....
Jet Wolf stood perfectly still, her face taking on the calm, eerie, "I
sense something" look that Rei gets, which usually means that something
horrible is going to happen in about two seconds. "Rin, pyou tou.....
Ahh, to hell with that. It's neat, but only if you can sound like
Tomizawa Michie. There's a reason I didn't get cast as Rei-chan in the
dub, after all."
X sat down against a tree, popping open a Mountain Dew and plotting some
way to get the Minakonains to blow up another, more personal Wal-Mart.
Suddenly, she heard it again.
> JetWolf?
"A CHALLENGE!!" Jet Wolf screamed, sounding none-too stable and sending
several nearby random otaku fleeing for somewhere safter. Like maybe over
where the Outers were fighting their own civil war. Or the French
Quarter during Mardi Gras. "Ooo, and I convieniently made it so that I
don't have to break continuity to answer it! Heehee, I'm so sneaky."
Jet Wolf gazed towards the direction of the voice, where a building
smoldered, bits of roof rained from the sky, and a tree leaned at an
unnatural angle. "There is where I must go," Jet Wolf whispered to
herself as she stood dramatically, Ofuda Buster 5K held at her side. A
breeze appeared out of nowhere, whipping Jet Wolf's hair to the side and
ruffling the trenchcoat around her. The scene suddenly froze and
converted itself into a very nicely drawn, coloured-pencil-style
rendition. Rose petals floated down from nowhere across the scene.
"Hey, you're not an Outer Senshi supporter, you can't have the
petal-schtick!" X pointed out.
Jet Wolf glared at him as much as she could without breaking the pose.
"Shush, you. They set a mood perfectly. And besides, they're so cool
that they BELONG in Her Argumentativenesses' artilary." And with that,
Jet Wolf took off towards her challenger, trenchcoat and ponytail flying
out behind her as the scene froze and again became penciled. A piano
chord signalled the end of that, and X was once more left to his own
devices, at least until this dual was over.
"Argumentativenesses'? Where is she GETTING this stuff?"
******
"Alright, foul varlet, doko nanno?" Jet Wolf cried, arriving on the scene
in a considerably less impressive manner than she left the last one.
"Mixing Shakespearan English and Japanese?" the Hindu asked from his
comfy spot in the shade where he was playing a game of solitaire (and
losing). "Tsk. Bad form. And what's with your speech pattern tonight,
anyway?"
Jet Wolf shrugged. "I'm tired." She said nothing else, merely checked
the settings on the Ofuda Buster 5K.
The Hindu decided wisely not to press the subject any further. Instead,
he motioned to the empty space across from him, on the other side of the
card spread. "Care to join me?"
"It's solitaire."
"Yes," the Hindu said serenely. ("Serena??" a few Usagichanians cried
from offstage, obviously having been separated from the not-yet-appearing
pack. Jet Wolf aimed the OB5K and fired. The otaku fell to the ground,
silent except for the obligatory "Waaaaaaa! Raye, you're so MEAN!!")
"Well then, by the very nature of solitaire, I can't join you."
"You obviously have never played Atomic Solitaire." The Hindu shuffled
the cards, slipping an extra ace into his fedora via the hole that marked
the passsage of a rogue ofuda.
Jet Wolf stood by for a few moments, watching the man hide various other
cards on his person in a laughably subtle manner -- shifty eyes,
whistling and all. Having very little patience left at this time of the
morning, Jet Wolf kicked the deck of cards out of the Hindu's hands,
where they scattered along the ground in another blatant attempt to give
someone a bizarre plot device if they should need one.
"That," the Hindu said, rising to his feet menacingly, "was NOT nice."
"Yeah. Life sucks."
"Mmph, you're simply charming this evening, I must say."
The woman shrugged, basically ignoring the barb. "Well, you challenged
me, O Happy One, and I answered. You've been a thorn in my side since
you first entered this war ... in a manner which I can't off-hand
remember nor feel like checking on because I have over 60 of these posts
archived. But I'm sure you annoyed me!"
She began to advance on the Hindu and the two circled each other warily,
Jet Wolf's finger tense on the trigger of the Ofuda Buster 5000, Scott's
weapon (whatever it happend to be at the time) also at the ready.
"It's time to finish this, little percolator-fixing boy." (Ultrace yells
that that's HIS naming schtick, but is generally ignored.)
"Let's go then. Right here, right now," the Hindu growled.
Jet Wolf grinned evilly and donned her black gloves. These served no
actual purpose except being an attempt to make her look all the more
imposing.
"You will taste the wratch of 'The Black Lupine of Baton Rouge High'!"
(The sky instantly becomes pitch black for a few moments and a pack of
wolves howl off in the distances.) When the sky returns to normal,
everyone is staring at Jet Wolf, confused.
"Yes, that's right, it's 'Jet' as in the COLOUR! Not for SPEED, not for
PLANES, but for the COLOUR!!! *Damn* AOL for not having a less obscure
screen name available when I picked this!"
The uncomfortable moment passes quickly and the two combantants again
face off. "I'll try to dispose of you quickly, Hindu, partly as a reward
for the movie, partly because I respect your artistic talents, and partly
beause I'm really really tired."
The Happy Hindu smiled slyly at his opponent. "Finish me off quickly,
huh? Well, you can certainly try...."
TBC, no doubt.....
-=Jet Wolf
Who had a lot more she wanted to do with this section, but
is determined to get it up before she tries to sleep.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"Wonderful bird, the Norweigan Blue. Beautiful plummage."
===================================================================
Jet Wolf
The Happy Hindu wrote:
> Care to pick up from there?
Naaaaturally, my dear. Consider it done! (Although, as I commented
there, I didn't get to do anywhere near what I wanted to. But I'm
nodding off over here, so I'll take it as a sign. Your turn. ^_^
-=Jet Wolf
Who actually has a thought for the Cunning Plan.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
-
<Fight scene snipped>
>Jet Wolf turns to see X landing behing her, holding the silent forms
>of the 2 plushies. "Well, it _took_ you long enough." Jet Wolf says,
>while walking back towards the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm). The
>yellow flashing ceased, as did the flashing helmet light.
>
>"Well, the fact that Jessica was a Senshi didn't help matters any.
>But she's the only FSC senshi that's had an active role in the Otaku
>Wars. And I have to admit, I did let up on her."
>
>Jet Wolf raises an eyebrow at this. "Do I detect a bit of _ego_
>there, X-san??"
>
>"No, I could have Shi Chi Houkoudan'ed her after the first punch. I
>consider this a test of my endurance. If I can live through a
>Sparkling Wide Pressure attack, then I can certainly take a lot, ne?"
>
"Wait a minute!" Jet Wolf exclaimed. "Thiis isn't Warthog! This is just a Coke-Classic can crudely disguised has him with a bit of moss and some twigs!"
Meanwhile, back on the battlefield, Warthog-Plushie had recovered the Kawaii-Sabre-Buster and dragged it off into the bushes. He leaned against the handle panting for breath musing to himself that some of Belial's strategems were not that bad. Pressing a few buttons, he morphed the Kawaii-Sabre back into buster mode and made a note to himself to fix the safety on that thing so to prevent it from switching form or going off accidentally.
"Starship Aphrodite, This is Warthog, come in, Aphrodite." Warthog hoped that, Nightman, the original author of the Minakochanian starship wouldn't mind him using it, seeing as the U.S.S. Warthog was now kaput. "Aphroditie here, " the communications officer answered, "we hear you but you're coming across rather squeaky." "NEVER MIND THAT!" he shouted in his squeaky voice, "Transport me back aboard and have the 'Legends of the Overfiend' tape ready."
In a shimmer of golden light he reappeard aboard the Minakochanian starship and stomped kawaiily down the hall. Noticing all the damage that was being cleaned up by the crew, he asked, "What happened here?"
"Belail and Greg were aboard and caused a bit of damage," A crewman answered.
"They did?" Warthog asked astounded, "how did they get aboard? Where is Artemis? What happened to Nightman?"
"Well," the crewman said, "whey were on the bridge when Molly showed up and began talking so they abandoned ship."
"Molly? You mean Naru." Warhog corrected.
"No, I mean..." He began but before he could finish a voice asked, "Hey, why ya' tauwk'n to that plush toy?"
The crewman immediately fell to the ground writhing and bleeding at the ears as the NA dub Molly started talking.
"Huh?" Warthog squeaked and whirrled around. Fortunately, in his plush-toy form, the brooklin accent dubbed voice didn't affect him as much but still caused him pain.
"Whaut a cute wauthog!" Molly said.
VORP! POOF! Warthog shot her with the kawaii-buster turning her into a plush toy and shoved her out the air-lock. He was in no mood to deal with minor characters.
Angrily stalking into the closet he switched on the video and turned the sound up full blast. After about a half an hour of exposure to the disgusting, hentai video, all the kawaiiness was sucked out of him and he was restored to his normal self. Crash! He kicked out the door and smashed the VCR and monitor for good measure. He was one angry Warthog. Ignoring the tentacle that now sprouted from his back and occasionally slapped him in the face he stomped up to the bridge past the crewmembers that gaped openly at him.
He stared balefully down at the status board and took in the situation. The Amichanian's had rallied now that their Senshi had her glasses back and were assaulting the Minakochanian's positions. Chibi-Chibi ( who was Chibi-Usa after being shot by the kawaii buster) was wandering around hugging various objects, turning them into plush toys. Warthog called over the weapons officer and said, "Break another 'Legends' video out of stores and put it into a ditz cannon. Fire a tight beam on that abomination and restore her to normal. There is such a thing as too cute." The officer saluted and went to carry out the order.
Satisfied that the Chibi-Chibi threat would be quickly neutralized, Warthog turned back to the display. The outer senshi were still fighting amongst themselves so they still posed no threat. As he watched, a strange, new character appeared, claiming to be Sailor Jewel. Strangely, she just stood there without reacting to anything. "Get me a mental probe on that character down there, " Warthog said to the sensor tech. After a few minutes of fiddling, the tech said, "we've got a feed on monitor three." Warthog turned to the monitor and watched the end of a dream sequence...
<<<<<<
Somewhere else, the not so kawaiis were fighting against the kawaiis.
Bazookas, machine guns, atoms, the works!
"AAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!" one of the Amichanians screamed and was
killed instantly. It was actually kawaii SuperSteve and Jeddite.
"My GOD! What happened to you all? As if being kawaii already wasn't
enough!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit called.
"We've come to warn you," SuperSteve replied.
"What?" Jessica Rabbit asked.
"We all have an enemy!!!" Jeddite asked.
"Run and warn the others!" Jessica ran out into the middle and shouted,
"STOP!"
And everybody ceased fire. It was too late.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are all fools! It's too late to step back
now! Sailor Jewel shall avenge you!"
"A girl with lavender hair?" The prof. said.
"Attack her!" Everybody teamed up and tried to destroy Sailor Jewel.
All Jewel could do was laugh.
"That's all? Feel this!" She opened the covering of her left eye, a la
Tomoe Souichi and the power from her eye glared everybody. Light filled
the atmosphere. Everybody screamed in pain. The light never seemed to
stop.
Something tried to whack Sailor Jewel from behind. Thanks to Jewel's
extraordinary hard armour, she only noticed a tap on the back. She
stopped time and checked what it was. It was a somebody whcking Jewel
with a Pink Sugar Heart Rod.
"What are you doing?" Jewel asked. "Getting rid of you and turning you
into kawaiiness!" and it still continued to tap Jewel with those hearts.
"The world doesn't need more kawaii. It doesn't need somebody tapping
me with leftover candy." She took her glaive and screamed, "KAWAII WORLD
DESTRUCTION!!!" and blasted the somebody into nothing. And so were the
other kawaii maniacs.
"Who dares to take on Sailor Jewel, Sailor of immortality and
destruction?" She looked at her little minions of armies, ready to
attack her.
Continue...
>>>>>
"Newbies!" Warthog muttered and switched off the monitor. He was tempted to add a bit to that thread but decided to leave that little dream world alone. He listened to the audio pickups of the fighting in the outer camps and overheard SuperSteve and Jadite arguing...
<<<<<
> "Not really...no," Super Steve began, cautiously. "I...thought you were
>an Outer Senshi supporter!".
> "I am!".
> "Then you can't kill me...I'm a Plutonian!" Super Steve cried.
> Jeddite pondered that for a moment. "Oh well. I support Saturn more!
>Now...eat hot death!".
> "Eat...hot...death?" Super Steve repeated, amazed at the stupidity of
>the sentence. "How about...instead...we...um...team up as Outer
>Supporters...and destroy the Inner Camps?!".
>
>>>>>
Those hotheads join up against us? Warthog thought. Not a chance. Hmm, I thought SuperSteve was still a plush toy in Jet Wolf's posession. Oh well, he must have gotten loose. Or perhaps that was all part of Jet Wolf's cunning plan. As he watched, a large section of what he recognized as the fire door to the kitchen of the Aphrodite slammed down next to them, sending Super Steve, Jadite and Sailor Jewel flying. Belial and Greg, in violation of conservation of momemntum, leaped clear to land nearby. They began to converse with Ami and then they all went in different directions when Sailor Jessica Rabbit charged toward them.
"Sir," The sensor tech, said interrupting his train of thought. "We've picked up a video leak from a starship approaching our position." "Put it on three," Warthog said.
<<<<<
> The Captian faced the young man. "Very good ensign. Anything unusual?"
> The ensign tapped his PADD (Personal Advertisement Display Device).
>"There are about five or six Minakoinan starships in orbit. Other than
>that, everything's fine."
Warthog turned to look a the status board, five more ships had indeed joined the Minakochanian formation. Good, the reinforcements could come in handy.
> "Minakoian huh?" The Captain held up the Makochan doll to his face.
>"Did you here that Lita? Your friend Mina is here. Try not to get into
>another 'boyfriend' argument with her again okay?"
> The ensign stared at his Captain with awe. Was he talking to a doll?
>"Sir, we should be going to the bridge."
> "Um... okay... give me a minute. I'm still talking to Lita."
> "Uh, whatever."
>>>>>
Hm, this new party from a seemingly neutral source outside the system may pose a threat. "Watch that nut-ball for now and let me know if he does anything suspicious." The sensor tech nodded.
After the hurculean task of tying all the disperate Otaku Wars threads together Warthog let out a big sigh. Striking a dramatic pose and raising his fist to the heavens with anime flames in the background, he shouted, "That does it! After all the abuse we've taken, it's time that the Minpire strikes back!"
TBC?... Count on it!
FDB
-------------------------------
But first, something RockMan X asked about.
>*1: Has anyone here played MegaMan X?? The flashing helmet light is
>a ripoff from that game. When his energy is low, MegaMan X will
>breathe heavily and the helmet light will flash. And about the yellow
>body flashing: M.M.X (in MegaMan X3) can recover energy with a
>special upgrade. He flashes yellow when he regains lost energy. Just
>FYI. And no, I don't know what a 'Cyclon' is.
That'c Cylon, as in Battlestar Galactica.
Jet Wolf
RockMan X wrote:
> >Finishing off the glass, she tossed it over her shoulder where it
> >bounced off of Darien's head, shattering and making him yelp. Jet
> >Wolf relished the sound of his pain so much that she didn't mind
> >reusing the gag.
>
> "Y'know, I do wonder why you don't do that more often," X observed.
"Well," Jet Wolf began, searching through her trunk for a grenade or
something equally deadly to throw over her shoulder next time, "I would,
but I hate to keep reusing he same joke again and again. And I don't
want Jet Wand to start sending me mail telling me she's mad about how I
treated her muffin."
> >RMX looked at his partner dubiously, wondering what the odds were on
> >him being able to run away and join the Makonians before Jet Wolf
> >realized he was gone.
>
> Especially since he:
> 1) Didn't relish becoming a transvestite, and
Jet Wolf conviniently pulled out a picture of Tim Curry looking very
attractive in a certain cult film from 1975 and put it where X would be
sure to see it.
> 2) Didn't know if the fuku in question was a normal fuku or a Senshi
> fuku.
Two random otaku wandered onto the set robotically. "Oh, look," one of
them said in a stilted and completly flat tone, pointing to X's fuku that
was lying nearby, "someone has left a fuku out here."
"Why yes," replied the other in the same tone. "How odd. Why, I wonder
if it is a normal fuku or a Senshi fuku."
"Ha ha. You are being silly. Look at how obscenely short the skirt is.
It is obvious that this is fuku is a Senshi fuku."
"Ah yes, ha ha. I can't believe I missed that. Ha."
The two remained completely motionless for a moment before turning and
walking back offstage. X blinked in amazement and then looked over at
Jet Wolf, who was busily tossing cue cards over her shoulder and
giggiling insanely at the sound of Darien getting paper cuts. She
noticed that she had X's attention and shrugged. "That's what you get
when you just pay scale."
-snip-
> He thinks to himself, "What's up with S.S. being a plushie again? I
> thought he'd be wreaking havoc on the Minakochanians about now."
"This is obviously a case of screwed up continuity, something that I
usually try to fix, but the OSDF have been going so insane lately that I
gave up trying. I'll work on them when they come back to fight us. At
any rate, SuperSteve can miraculously be un-plushied when the story
integrity (such as it is) is too threatened." Jet Wolf then realized
that RMX *THOUGHT* that to himself and shrugs.
> X gathers the things he'd need; the Ofuda Buster 5000,
("Grr, you need to break this habit of borrowing my weapons," said Jet
Wolf in an awe-inspiring display of selfishness.)
** One lengthy battle scene later **
Hearing a whistling through the air, Jet Wolf put away the deck of cards
she was using with little success. "Damn, this Atomic Solitaire is
harder than I thought!"
> Jet Wolf turns to see X landing behing her, holding the silent forms
> of the 2 plushies. "Well, it _took_ you long enough." Jet Wolf says,
> while walking back towards the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm).
"By the way, I hope you like the changes I've made to the place."
X looked up from where he had been inspecting the damages to his Tenchi
shirt. "What was that?"
"I've made some changes to the Bottle," Jet Wolf explained. "Or, more
accurately, to the area around it. Since it IS the motherload of Diet
Coke, as well as just looking really cool, I thought we'd do well to
finally have a base of operations." RMX nodded approvingly, hoping that
this meant he would at least get his own room. "I've had all the
Reichanians that we never get to see working on it while you were
fighting. If only they could get my heroic likeness right for the statue
out front..."
RMX barely managed to stifle a laugh that would've meant at least a week
in traction. The SD-Rei on the back of the Ofuda Buster 5000 rolled her
eyes.
> The yellow flashing ceased, as did the flashing helmet light.
"Oh good, it finally shut down. I thought you were trying to tell me
something in Morse code."
> "Well, the fact that Jessica was a Senshi didn't help matters any.
> But she's the only FSC senshi that's had an active role in the Otaku
> Wars.
Jet Wolf smirked. "I think we should be grateful for that. I wouldn't
want to have to face down more than one of them. Or Sailor Callisto when
she gets on her Saturn kick. Brrrr."
> And I have to admit, I did let up on her."
>
> Jet Wolf raises an eyebrow at this. "Do I detect a bit of _ego_
> there, X-san??"
>
> "No, I could have Shi Chi Houkoudan'ed her after the first punch. I
> consider this a test of my endurance. If I can live through a
> Sparkling Wide Pressure attack, then I can certainly take a lot, ne?"
Casting an eye over her shoulder, Jet Wolf decided that X-san had a LOT
of an ego. But best to keep the help happy. She nodded somewhat
noncommittally, but X was too busy patting himself on the back to notice.
Before long, they came to the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell (tm). Hundreds
of Reichanians were busily working, carrying lumber and tools and various
other materials of a construction nature. Off in the distance there were
a hundred or so prisoners-of-war from the other Senshi camps
demonstrating one of the theories about the contruction of the pyramids.
The occasional gripe and mention of Amnesty International was cut off by
a whip-cracking Reichanian who was perched atop the immense block of
sandstone that the POWs were pulling.
"Sugoi!" X said admiringly. "What are you planning with that thing?"
Jet Wolf was going to say that she had no plans for it, she just wanted
to throw some more description into the camp scene, but changed her mind.
"*ahem* You know. Cunning Plan."
X sighed. Again.
"At any rate," Jet Wolf said, anxious to change the subject. Taking
the plushies from X and tying a blindfold around each of them, she lead X
into an immense underground network.
"Wow, and you did all of this while I was fighting?!"
"Well, it *was* a rather long battle scene. But no, I've had workers on
it since long before these wars broke out. They undercurrent just about
everything on a.f.s-m."
X was actually impressed this time. As he passed by another one of the
hundreds of Rei posters that decorated the walls, something caught his
eye. Upon closer examination, it was a door that was covered signs. He
couldn't make them all out, but they read something along the lines of
"Do Not Open!" "Open And Die!" and "Nikuman, not Dai Bow!"
In a manner that would do any horror movie vicitim proud, X ignored all
the warnings and reached for the doorknob. The sound of a weapon being
readied halted his motion and he looked over to see Jet Wolf leveling
both the Ofuda Buster 5000 and the Fire Soul Buster at him.
"Don't do it, X. I really don't want to kill you, but I will if you open
that door."
X slowly removed his hand from the doorknob and held both of his arms up
in a peaceful gesture. "Okay, okay, I get the message. I won't open
it."
Jet Wolf eyed him warily for a moment, but relaxed and dropped both
weapons. "Come on, we need to get going. This part's long enough as it
is."
X cast one more glance at the interesting door and the jogged to catch up
to Jet Wolf. "What's in there, anyway?"
The woman shuddered involuntairly. "That where we keep all the
obnoxiousness from a.f.s-m."
"Oh, like these wars?" X asked wryly.
"Ha ha, very funny, Robot Boy. No, more like the insane threads about
Squid vs. Hot Dogs, Dai Box vs. Nikuman, Is Lita a lesbian?, Did Usagi
and Mamoru really sleep together?. We've also got almost all the polls
down there (that section of the room will drive you insane!) Not to
mention numerous trolls are being incarcerated there. Ben Miu, Crimson
Jacket when he was going through another of his schizophrenic fits,
whoever pops up and starts bashing lesbians or pushing religion ... Hell,
we've even got JESS down there!" Jet Wolf stopped and turned towards
RMX, her face deadly serious. "But even more than that, you must never
EVER open that door because....."
"Because....?" X prompted.
"Because.... There are Stars Spoilers in there! That's why I'd have to
kill you."
Jet Wolf had turned around and continued along the passage way, so she
missed X's face fault and the following obscene gestures.
Before long, the passage ended in a huge black door, a 1000s edition Rei
poster (that doesn't actually exist as far as the author knows, but
wishes it did) on the door and a nameplate, flanked by two SD-Mars
decals.
"Grand Executive Defender, Major General of Offense, Head Honcho of All
Things Reichanian and All-Around Nifty Person Jet Wolf." X read. "Come
up with that yourself, did you?"
Jet Wolf nodded happily and opened the door to reveal an immense office,
the likes of which won't be detailed here because this is already long
enough. But it was impressive.
Moving behind a huge mahogony desk, Jet Wolf sat down in one of those
incredibly comfortable office chairs and tilted the chair back, resting
her feet on the desk. She motioned for X to sit opposite her and pointed
out the handy Diet Coke fountains that littered the office if he was
thirsty. X declined and instead popped another Mountain Dew, wondering
what the odds where that he could get Jet Wolf to install a fountain for
that.
Jet Wolf grabbed a long, rectancular device and pointed it over her head
at the wall behind her. Suddenly, the wall jumped to life as dozens of
TV screens displayed various key people and locations of the Otaku Wars!
She removed the kawaiied forms of SuperSteve and Warthog, placing them on
her desk, although keeping the blindfolds on them.
"So," she said to RMX. "You want to know what's up with the Cunning
Plan, do you?" X nodded eagerly. Jet Wolf turned to her nearby computer
and switched it on. "Well then, here it is," she said as she began to
type.....
-=Jet Wolf
Who has always loved the concept of a wall of TV monitors.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
Bridgewalker J, the Chestnut Cockatiel
All the while, the silent figure in the bushes observed this madness
from a safe distance, waiting. Waiting. Waiting . . .
--
Bridgewalker J, the Chestnut Cockatiel [spe...@swbell.net]
RockMan X
f...@jhk.com (Warthog)- wrote:
>>
>"Wait a minute!" Jet Wolf exclaimed. "Thiis isn't Warthog! This is just a Coke-Classic can >crudely disguised has him with a bit of moss and some twigs!"
X looks at what he _thought_ had been the Plushie Warthog. Crushing
the Coke can, he swears vengeance. "To take a Sparkling Wide
Pressure, and to have him escape like THIS??!? No way in HELL!!!"
X leaps over the foliage, leaving Jet Wolf to wonder _why_ they always
deserted each other... ;)
>Meanwhile, back on the battlefield, Warthog-Plushie had recovered the Kawaii-Sabre-Buster and >dragged it off into the bushes. He leaned against the handle panting for breath musing to >himself that some of Belial's strategems were not that bad. Pressing a few buttons, he morphed >the Kawaii-Sabre back into buster mode and made a note to himself to fix the safety on that >thing so to prevent it from switching form or going off accidentally.
>"Starship Aphrodite, This is Warthog, come in, Aphrodite." Warthog hoped that, Nightman, the >original author of the Minakochanian starship wouldn't mind him using it, seeing as the U.S.S. >Warthog was now kaput. "Aphroditie here, " the communications officer answered, "we hear you >but you're coming across rather squeaky." "NEVER MIND THAT!" he shouted in his squeaky voice, >"Transport me back aboard and have the 'Legends of the Overfiend' tape ready."
>In a shimmer of golden light he reappeard aboard the Minakochanian starship and stomped kawaiily >down the hall. Noticing all the damage that was being cleaned up by the crew, he asked, "What >happened here?"
>"Belail and Greg were aboard and caused a bit of damage," A crewman answered.
>"They did?" Warthog asked astounded, "how did they get aboard? Where is Artemis? What happened >to Nightman?"
>"Well," the crewman said, "whey were on the bridge when Molly showed up and began talking so >they abandoned ship."
>"Molly? You mean Naru." Warhog corrected.
>"No, I mean..." He began but before he could finish a voice asked, "Hey, why ya' tauwk'n to >that plush toy?"
>The crewman immediately fell to the ground writhing and bleeding at the ears as the NA dub Molly >started talking.
>"Huh?" Warthog squeaked and whirrled around. Fortunately, in his plush-toy form, the brooklin >accent dubbed voice didn't affect him as much but still caused him pain.
>"Whaut a cute wauthog!" Molly said.
>VORP! POOF! Warthog shot her with the kawaii-buster turning her into a plush toy and shoved >her out the air-lock. He was in no mood to deal with minor characters.
>Angrily stalking into the closet he switched on the video and turned the sound up full blast. >After about a half an hour of exposure to the disgusting, hentai video, all the kawaiiness was >sucked out of him and he was restored to his normal self. Crash! He kicked out the door and >smashed the VCR and monitor for good measure. He was one angry Warthog. Ignoring the tentacle >that now sprouted from his back and occasionally slapped him in the face he stomped up to the >bridge past the crewmembers that gaped openly at him.
>He stared balefully down at the status board and took in the situation. The Amichanian's had >rallied now that their Senshi had her glasses back and were assaulting the Minakochanian's >positions. Chibi-Chibi ( who was Chibi-Usa after being shot by the kawaii buster) was wandering >around hugging various objects, turning them into plush toys. Warthog called over the weapons >officer and said, "Break another 'Legends' video out of stores and put it into a ditz cannon. >Fire a tight beam on that abomination and restore her to normal. There is such a thing as too >cute." The officer saluted and went to carry out the order.
>Satisfied that the Chibi-Chibi threat would be quickly neutralized, Warthog turned back to the >display.
After searching the battle site, X comes upon a plethora of plushie
trees, animals, and nameless otaku. At the heart of this 'jungle' was
a little girl with heart-shaped odango on her head.
X grins, "I won't relish being one of those _things_, but Warthog
WON'T get away that easily. And maybe I won't have to wear a fuku
after all..."
Grabbing Chibi-Chibi, (and attempting to not immediately become a
plushie), he twirls her around, picks up momentum, and tosses her at
the U.S.S. Aphrodite. After which, he becomes a kawaii plushie, and
falls to the ground.
<various threads snipped>
>After the hurculean task of tying all the disperate Otaku Wars threads together Warthog let out >a big sigh. Striking a dramatic pose and raising his fist to the heavens with anime flames in >the background, he shouted, "That does it! After all the abuse we've taken, it's time that the
>Minpire strikes back!"
The Hentai-Reflex Cannon fires, striking the Earth at where
Chibi-Chibi used to be. Warthog grins in triumph, thinking that the
only one that can out-cute his Goddess is back to normal.
The sensor tech yells, "We have an incoming projectile... In the form
of a little girl???"
"No.. He DIDN'T!" Warthog yells. "Evasive Maneuvers! Hard to
starboard!"
Unfortunately, the time it would have took for the huge ship to dodge
the Chibi-Chibi projectile was more time than they actually had. The
little girl landed on the ship, and hugged it in a display of kawaii
affection.
The U.S.S. Aphrodite turned into a _huge_ plushie ship, with its crew
changing into plushies as well (Except Warthog; he was changed into a
plushie that looked like P-Chan on steroids. ;)
Using the Aphrodite as a Re-Entry Shield, Chibi-Chibi landed safely
next to X (now restored thanks to the Hentai-Reflex Cannon). A loud
"SQUEAK!!!!" could be heard, which was the sound of the Aphrodite's
Plushie crew landing on the ground. X dashes over to the crew and
picks up Warthog-Plushie.
"Bwee! You won't get away with this!! The Minpire MUST strike
back!!" Warthog-P said/squealed, and attempted another Belial escape
tactic.
"Oh, no you don't!!" X said, placing 3 ofuda onto Warthog-P's head.
"And just to make sure.." He squeezed Warthog-P gently, and it
released a kawaii 'Squeak!', as opposed to a crinkle of aluminum.
Placing Warthog-P into his own personal 'HammerSpace', X runs off to
regroup with Jet Wolf, when...
"Chibi! Chibi Chibi Chibi!!!" Chibi-Chibi said as she glomped,
cutely, on X's leg.
Now, back where this mess started, Jet Wolf started to get agitated.
"What is it with these partners?? They're ALWAYS...<squeak!> huh??"
Something bumped her leg.
Jet Wolf looks down to see Chibi-Chibi hugging a kawaii plushie of X.
TBC???
Jason Bramlett
Jet Wolf wrote:
> "Tsk," Jet Wolf said, "you've gone and got grass stains all over your
> pretty frock."
>
> "Squeak!" RMX squeaked.
>
> "Yes, I know." The two headed back towards their base. RMX-plushie
> squeaked again. "Oh, you did? That's great, so we DO have him after
> all. Perfect. Heh. AAhehheh. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
>
> RMX-plushie developed a very kawaii sweatdrop.
Jet Wolf arrived back at the Reichanian base, and headed directly
towards her office. Opening the door, she saw a man in glasses sitting
in a chair in front of her desk. "What are you doing here?" "I have an
appointment, my resume is on the desk," he replied. Jet Wolf, thinking
this guy was vaguely familiar, sat down in her chair. She placed the
plushiefied RMX on the the desk and picked up the resume. "This is
awful hard to read, being written in crayon and all," she thought to
herself. "I can't read this too well, what is your name?" "You know my
name," replied the man removing his glasses. "YOU!!" she shouted.
"Yeah, it's me. Aren't these Clark Kent brand Glasses o'Disguise cool?"
said Jason.
"OUT!! OUT!!!" Jet Wolf screamed, pointing at the door. "Wait, just
hear me out." "You have three minutes before I roast you alive."
"Ohhhhkay, let's see where to begin. I thought I might join one of the
faction groups and I picked up one of your applications. I'm just
looking for a Emperor Palpa..." "Stop, stop, the joke was bad enough
the first time." "Why do you want to always bring me down?" questioned
Jason. His reply was just an evil stare. "Ummmm okay, I'll think I'll
go now. I'll just leave that resume here." "Don't call me, I'll call
you," replied Jet Wolf.
"Jeez, why can't he leave me alone?" she pondered. "Squeek," squeeked
RMX. "Alright, alright, I'll unplushie you, somehow."
Outside, Jason thought to himself, "That went pretty well, I guess.
Ack, I'm going to be late for the next one."
Lunette339
RockMan X wrote:
>>> "Oh? Oh, okay. Hey, Prof!"
>>>
>>> "Yes?"
>>>
>>> "I have these two stuffed toys I'm not using..." she said sweetly,
holding
>>> out Warthog and Steve. "Do you think Reenie would like to play with
them?"
>>>
>>> "NOOOOOO!" Warthog and Steve screamed.
>
>>"See those two stuffed toys?" Jet Wolf asked.
>
>>X nodded.
>
>>"I want them."
>
>He thinks to himself, "What's up with S.S. being a plushie again? I
>thought he'd be wreaking havoc on the Minakochanians about now."
Out of the corner of her eye, Sailor Jessica Rabbit spots X and JetWolf
spying on her, and with her phenomenal hearing (as befits a rabbit) she
can hear everything they say. "Hee hee, that's right... Take the
plushies!" she giggles evilly to herself.
>(snip)Finally through the bushes, X
>sees Sailor Jessica Rabbit about to give the plushies to the Prof.
>
>"Hold it right there!" X cries.
>
>In typical FSC fashion, the Prof and S.J.R. turn their heads in the
>direction of the voice and say [everyone guess], "Who's there??!?"
>
>Several not-so-creative replies run through X's mind, but he decides
>to make one up. "I claim those plushies in the name of Nik...er, Hino
>Rei! Hand them over, and I won't maim you too badly."
>
>S.J.R. puts the plushies down on the ground. Rushing forward, she
>yells, "Oh, yeah?? In the name of Jupiter, I'll PUNCH you!!"
>
>X grins the grin of the cocky, aims the Ofuda Buster 5000, and fires.
>The last thing X thinks that S.J.R. would have heard was "Akyrou
>Taisan". IF the few dozen ofuda had hit.
>
>He failed to realize that since Sailor Jessica Rabbit was a Sailor
>Senshi (FSC or otherwise), she had increased reflexes that few could
>match.
>
>"Masaka!" X cried, while sidestepping the punch that Sailor Jessica
>Rabbit threw. A few feet from her fist, a tree was leveled. "Just
>from the air pressure..." he notes.
"All right, I've got to make this look good..." Sailor Jessica Rabbit
thinks quickly. "That Reichanian has to believe I don't want him to take
the plushies!" She starts another punch. "Little does he know-"
>While she starts it, X yells, "Saotome School of Indiscriminate
>Grappling Final Technique Revised Version!!!" [At this point,
>everyone who thinks they know what's going to happen facefaults]
>
>S.J.R. throws the punch, which X ducks under, while saying, "Face
>Opponent and..." he turns around in mid-crouch, "Fast Break!!!" he
>runs off into some bushes, 90° from where he came out.
>
>"Huh?? He ran! That coward!" S.J.R. yells.
"He better fall into my trap and take the damn plushies!" she stewed. "I
can't think of plans like this all the time... I'm a Makochanian, brawns
not brain!"
>Before she can continue, X reappears from the same bushes he had just
>ran into (this time wearing a Fushigi Yuugi shirt), jumps into the
>air, grabs the paper fan from seemingly nowhere [actually, from his
>back pocket], and yells "Lekka Shien!!!!!" while waving the fan away
>from him in an arc.[*2] Flames erupt from the fan, setting the grass
>on fire, in a ring around Sailor Jessica Rabbit. [The fan doesn't
>catch on fire; it's magical]
>
>X lands in the ring of flame besides the FSC Senshi, and proceeds to
>stun her with a lower powered Beam Sabre attack. Much to his dismay,
>however, she channels some lightning into her hands, then tossing it
>at him, while he's still trying to swing it. "SPARKLING WIDE
>PRESSURE!!!"
>
>"DAAAAAMIIIIIIIT!!" X yells, taking the electricity in the chest, and
>flying through the flames.
>
>Jet Wolf, who's watching this, is thinking that good help is hard to
>find. ;)
Sailor Jessica Rabbit, also watching, is glad she went easy on him...
>"You had enough? These plushies are going to Professor Chronos and
>Reenie!" Jessica Rabbit yells.
...implementing reverse psychology as well as a Makochanian is able to...
>"Not yet...." X gets to his feet, breathing heavily, the light again
>flashing on the helmet [*1]. He swings the Beam Sabre in an arc,
>releasing a crescent of green energy. Then he uses the Ofuda Buster
>5000, firing 2 dozen ofuda, with a cry of 'Akyrou Taisan!' coming from
>the weapon. Finally, he follows up with a 'Lekka Shien' attack.
>
>Sailor Jessica Rabbit dodges the Beam Sabre attack, but gets tagged by
>a couple of ofuda in the process. Falling unconscious, she misses the
>flames.
Lying very still with her eyes closed, Sailor Jessica Rabbit listens to
what's going on around her...
>X raises his right arm in triumph [bittersweet as it may be; that
>electricity smarted like a mother], striking a pose. Then he gathers
>the plushies of Warthog and Super Steve, placing ofudas on them,
>silencing their protests. During this time, X's body flashes yellow
>every couple of seconds. (snip)
>
>Jet Wolf turns to see X landing behing her, holding the silent forms
>of the 2 plushies. "Well, it _took_ you long enough." Jet Wolf says,
>while walking back towards the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm). The
>yellow flashing ceased, as did the flashing helmet light.
>
>"Well, the fact that Jessica was a Senshi didn't help matters any.
>But she's the only FSC senshi that's had an active role in the Otaku
>Wars. And I have to admit, I did let up on her."
Sailor Jessica, still lying on the ground, snorts loudly.
>Jet Wolf raises an eyebrow at this. "Do I detect a bit of _ego_
>there, X-san??"
>
>"No, I could have Shi Chi Houkoudan'ed her after the first punch. I
>consider this a test of my endurance. If I can live through a
>Sparkling Wide Pressure attack, then I can certainly take a lot, ne?"
As the two wander away with the plushies, Sailor Jessica Rabbit stands.
"MWA HA HA! I did it! I did it!"
"Did what?" said the Happy Hindu, wandering up to her.
"Oh hi. Hey, nice work on those Chibichanians. Hee hee!" she giggled. "I
just planted my Ultra Mighty Secret Weapon inside a plushie shaped like
Super Steve, and now Jet Wolf and X are going to take it inside the
Reichanian headquarters!!!"
"But I thought that *was* Super Steve..." Happy Hindu said.
"No, no, don't be silly, Super Steve never got plushied... or maybe he got
un-plushied, I don't know. I spotted him over there-" Sailor Jessica
Rabbit pointed in the vague direction of someone else's post which flatly
contradicted hers that stated that Super Steve had been plushied in the
first place. "Anyway, I just can't wait to see JetWolf's face when my plan
goes into effect! Ha!" She stared up at the giant Diet Coke Bottle Tower.
- to be continued...
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
Mu hu ha ha ha ha!!!
Lunette339
Jet Wolf wrote:
>
>Warthog wrote:
>
>> >"Wait a minute!" Jet Wolf exclaimed. "Thiis isn't Warthog! This is
>> > just a Coke-Classic can crudely disguised has him with a bit of moss
>> > and some twigs!"
>
>comfy office. Inturrupting the E-Mail to RMX that she hadn't actually
>started yet, the Reichanian stared up at the version of herself on the
>monitor that was spouting out this insane drivel.
>
>"Not Warthog .... Coke-Classic (ewww.) .. moss, and...." she trailed off,
>turning around to look at the two plushies on her desk. Both of whom
>giggled, flipped her off cutely and disappeared in a puff of
>continuity-error-affirming smoke.
>
>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Somewhere on the battlefield, Sailor Jessica Rabbit watched the previous
scene on a little monitor (she'd stolen it from an Amichanian, one of the
wimpier ones, after punching him out) and started laughing hysterically.
"YES! My plan worked!! Score one for the Makochanians!!! Jet Wolf, that's
what you get for drinking Diet Coke! Only the real stuff is fuel for the
winners!"
Grinning happily and sipping a *classic* Coke, she headed off in search of
someone to punch.
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
(Trying to make up for that one continuity-wrecking bit)
And then in another scene I don't feel like quoting, Jet Wolf called the
plan "fiendishly clever!" Woo hoo!
RockMan X
Jet Wolf <jet...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>RockMan X wrote:
<snip>
>"Ha ha. You are being silly. Look at how obscenely short the skirt is.
>It is obvious that this is fuku is a Senshi fuku."
>"Ah yes, ha ha. I can't believe I missed that. Ha."
>The two remained completely motionless for a moment before turning and
>walking back offstage. X blinked in amazement and then looked over at
>Jet Wolf, who was busily tossing cue cards over her shoulder and
>giggiling insanely at the sound of Darien getting paper cuts. She
>noticed that she had X's attention and shrugged. "That's what you get
>when you just pay scale."
"So sue me," he says, sticking his tongue out. "Y'know, as the
_female_ of this duo, why don't _you_ wear it?? I mean, it came from
your trunk, too, ne??" X inquired, hoping that this logic would work.
;)
>** One lengthy battle scene later **
[Current Author's note: I _like_ my battle scenes lengthy. It could
have been longer. Sue me. :P]
>Hearing a whistling through the air, Jet Wolf put away the deck of cards
>she was using with little success. "Damn, this Atomic Solitaire is
>harder than I thought!"
>> Jet Wolf turns to see X landing behing her, holding the silent forms
>> of the 2 plushies. "Well, it _took_ you long enough." Jet Wolf says,
>> while walking back towards the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm).
>f...@jhk.com (Warthog)- wrote:
>>
>>"Wait a minute!" Jet Wolf exclaimed. "This isn't Warthog! This is just a Coke-Classic can >>crudely disguised has him with a bit of moss and some twigs!"
>X looks at what he _thought_ had been the Plushie Warthog. Crushing
>the Coke can, he swears vengeance. "To take a Sparkling Wide
>Pressure, and to have him escape like THIS??!? No way in HELL!!!"
>X leaps over the foliage, leaving Jet Wolf to wonder _why_ they always
>deserted each other... ;)
>>Meanwhile, back on the battlefield, Warthog-Plushie had recovered the Kawaii-Sabre-Buster and >>dragged it off into the bushes. He leaned against the handle panting for breath musing to >>himself that some of Belial's strategems were not that bad. Pressing a few buttons, he morphed >>the Kawaii-Sabre back into buster mode and made a note to himself to fix the safety on that >>thing so to prevent it from switching form or going off accidentally.
<snipped, go read it elsewhere>
>"Bwee! You won't get away with this!! The Minpire MUST strike
>back!!" Warthog-P said/squealed, and attempted another Belial escape
>tactic.
>
>"Oh, no you don't!!" X said, placing 3 ofuda onto Warthog-P's head.
>"And just to make sure.." He squeezed Warthog-P gently, and it
>released a kawaii 'Squeak!', as opposed to a crinkle of aluminum.
>Placing Warthog-P into his own personal 'HammerSpace', X runs off to
>regroup with Jet Wolf, when...
>
>"Chibi! Chibi Chibi Chibi!!!" Chibi-Chibi said as she glomped,
>cutely, on X's leg.
>
>Now, back where this mess started, Jet Wolf started to get agitated.
>"What is it with these partners?? They're ALWAYS...<squeak!> huh??"
>Something bumped her leg.
>
>Jet Wolf looks down to see Chibi-Chibi hugging a kawaii plushie of X.
Jet Wolf <Jet...@ix.netcom.com> wrote,
<snip>
>"It's true!"
>"I don't believe it!"
>"Now... NOW the truth can be revealed!"
>
>Yes, Jet Wolf had truly sunk to a new low. She had issued the order for
>the Don't You Ever Open This Door door in the base to be unsealed. It
>was dangerous, but she had seen no other choice. The contents within
>were scoured for all the never-ending Chibi-Chibi Debaters, who were then
>told of the presense and location of the very object of their ponderings.
>
>It worked like a charm. The Debaters were so used to the hours upon
>hours of exposure to Chibi-Chibi that they were immune to her Kawaii
>Field. After each had gotten their intial examination and confirmed that
>this was, indeed, the genuine article, the Debaters rushed off to start
>testing their theories.
>
>"Seiya and Usagi!"
>"Chibi-Usa's daughter!"
>"PRINCESS FIREBALL!!"
>
>Before long, the voices faded into the distance and Jet Wolf lept out of
>her perch, still distressed at the condition of her jeans, but feeling
>very fortunate to have gotten off as well as she did. She walked over to
>the remains of the kawaii tea part and picked up the RMX-plushie, whose
>chair had been turned over, sending him sprawling to the ground.
>
>"Tsk," Jet Wolf said, "you've gone and got grass stains all over your
>pretty frock."
>
>"Squeak!" RMX squeaked.
>
>"Yes, I know." The two headed back towards their base. RMX-plushie
>squeaked again. "Oh, you did? That's great, so we DO have him after
>all. Perfect. Heh. AAhehheh. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
>
>RMX-plushie developed a very kawaii sweatdrop.
Never let it be said that Jet Wolf didn't know Plushie. ;)
After a series of squeaks, The RMX-plushie convinces Jet Wolf to take
"the stupid dress off him" [Don't worry, he still has his plushie
clothes on underneath. :P].
"Being that kawaii doesn't suit you, X. I'd better change you back
before you give me a sugar overdose."
After arriving at the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm), she tosses X-P
into an 'Overfiend' viewing room. "Wow," X thinks, "she thought of
everything."
Five minutes later, X emerges, his former not-so-kawaii, non-bishounen
self, and tosses the plushie Warthog to her.
Being unaffected by Jet Wolf's temporal displacement, X doesn't know
what's going on and gets led on a tour. By now, she knows it like the
back of her hand.
>"By the way, I hope you like the changes I've made to the place."
>X looked up from where he had been inspecting the damages to his Tenchi
>shirt. "What was that?"
>"I've made some changes to the Bottle," Jet Wolf explained. "Or, more
>accurately, to the area around it. Since it IS the motherload of Diet
>Coke, as well as just looking really cool, I thought we'd do well to
>finally have a base of operations." RMX nodded approvingly, hoping that
>this meant he would at least get his own room. "I've had all the
>Reichanians that we never get to see working on it while you were
>fighting. If only they could get my heroic likeness right for the statue
>out front..."
>RMX barely managed to stifle a laugh that would've meant at least a week
>in traction. The SD-Rei on the back of the Ofuda Buster 5000 rolled her
>eyes.
The SD-Rei on the Fire Soul Buster [still in Jet Wolf's HammerSpace]
facefaults. X also wonders if Ultrace has to deal with this on a
day-to-day basis. :)
>> The yellow flashing ceased, as did the flashing helmet light.
>"Oh good, it finally shut down. I thought you were trying to tell me
>something in Morse code."
X grumbles something incoherent, it was better for his health that Jet
Wolf didn't hear it.
<snip>
>> "No, I could have Shi Chi Houkoudan'ed her after the first punch. I
>> consider this a test of my endurance. If I can live through a
>> Sparkling Wide Pressure attack, then I can certainly take a lot, ne?"
>Casting an eye over her shoulder, Jet Wolf decided that X-san had a LOT
>of an ego. But best to keep the help happy. She nodded somewhat
>noncommittally, but X was too busy patting himself on the back to notice.
Noticing the reaction (or evidently, lack thereof), X thinks, "Oh, she
probably thinks I'm the most egotistical thing on the face of this
planet. Well, more fuel for the ol' Shi Chi Houkoudan." He frowns a
bit.
>Before long, they came to the Diet Coke Bottle from Hell (tm). Hundreds
>of Reichanians were busily working, carrying lumber and tools and various
>other materials of a construction nature. Off in the distance there were
>a hundred or so prisoners-of-war from the other Senshi camps
>demonstrating one of the theories about the contruction of the pyramids.
>The occasional gripe and mention of Amnesty International was cut off by
>a whip-cracking Reichanian who was perched atop the immense block of
>sandstone that the POWs were pulling.
"What, no aliens?" X says to himself.
>"Sugoi!" X said admiringly. "What are you planning with that thing?"
>Jet Wolf was going to say that she had no plans for it, she just wanted
>to throw some more description into the camp scene, but changed her mind.
>"*ahem* You know. Cunning Plan."
>X sighed. Again.
>"At any rate," Jet Wolf said, anxious to change the subject. Taking
>the plushies from X and tying a blindfold around each of them, she lead X
>into an immense underground network.
>"Wow, and you did all of this while I was fighting?!"
>"Well, it *was* a rather long battle scene. But no, I've had workers on
>it since long before these wars broke out. They undercurrent just about
>everything on a.f.s-m."
X says, "Well, it was dramatic, wasn't it?? I didn't want it to be
over _too_ quickly."
<snip>
>"Grand Executive Defender, Major General of Offense, Head Honcho of All
>Things Reichanian and All-Around Nifty Person Jet Wolf." X read. "Come
>up with that yourself, did you?"
While thinking, "So what does this make ME? Chopped Sushi?"
>Moving behind a huge mahogony desk, Jet Wolf sat down in one of those
>incredibly comfortable office chairs and tilted the chair back, resting
>her feet on the desk. She motioned for X to sit opposite her and pointed
>out the handy Diet Coke fountains that littered the office if he was
>thirsty. X declined and instead popped another Mountain Dew, wondering
>what the odds where that he could get Jet Wolf to install a fountain for
>that.
"Not bloody likely," X muses. "'She who has the Title makes the
Rules'"
>Jet Wolf grabbed a long, rectancular device and pointed it over her head
>at the wall behind her. Suddenly, the wall jumped to life as dozens of
>TV screens displayed various key people and locations of the Otaku Wars!
>She removed the kawaiied forms of SuperSteve and Warthog, placing them on
>her desk, although keeping the blindfolds on them.
>"So," she said to RMX. "You want to know what's up with the Cunning
>Plan, do you?" X nodded eagerly. Jet Wolf turned to her nearby computer
>and switched it on. "Well then, here it is," she said as she began to
>type.....
While her back is turned while typing, an SD-RMX can be seen praying
in front of a SD fire that it doesn't involve his wearing the fuku.
TBC...
Jeddite
<big snip...Jeddite and SuperSteve were about to kill Ami. A invisible
wall, created by the new enemy. Sailor Jewel, stopped them. Ami gets
away, and SS and Jed are turned ultra kawaii, superdeformed, and pink
haired>
> "I do!" a zombified, Ami fanboy ran up to Sailor Jewel. "Anything for my...ahhhh!". He was "ashified" by...something powerful that Sailor Jewel did to him.
"C'mon...we can take her on," SuperSteve murmured to Sailor Jessica
Rabbit and Jeddite. "The senshi always win against evil!".
"Yeah..." Jeddite agreed, "so we're superdeformed, ultra kawaii and
have pink hair....we can still win!".
"Right," Sailor Jessica Rabbit added, pulling out a laminated, Sailor
Jupiter prism card she had purchased earlier for a mere $30.00,
"we'll do it for Mako-chan,".
"No," Jeddite hissed, "for Hotaru-chan!".
"For Setsuna-chan-san-sama!" SuperSteve insisted.
"Mako-chan!" Sailor JS spat.
"The Inner Senshi are lame!" Super Steve replied. "We'll never win with
them!".
"What are you talking about!?" Sailor JS screeched. "They got along
fine in the first season!".
"I SAY HOTARU-CHAN!" Jeddite shouted, swinging her Glaive at the
Makochanian and Pluto fanboy.
"Well...I say mighty Pluto could wipe the floor with Hotaru-chan and
Makoto any day of the week!" SuperSteve screamed back, blocking the
Glaive with his Big Ass Key.
"And I say SHUT UP!" Sailor Jewel yelled, mighty peeved.
"Shut up?!" Sailor JS echoed. "Noone tells a Makochanian to shut up!".
She ran to a green, shiny Makochan tank, and jumped on top of it.
"FIRE AT THE ANTI-MAKOCHANIAN!" she screeched.
The Mako-fan complied. With a resounding battle cry of "Supreme
Thunder!", an awesome, really cool display of the Mako Tank One's
firepower careened straight toward Sailor Jewel.
The area around Sailor Jewel exploded. When it cleared, the enemy
senshi was nowhere to be seen.
"YEAH!" Sailor JS twirled around on top of the Mako Tank One.
"Don't mess with Jupiter!".
"You...you...Inner Senshi supporter!" SuperSteve sneered, finally
looking menacing, the kawaii effect having worn off.
"Inner Senshi supporters musn't be allowed to live!" Jeddite added,
pointing the Glaive in Sailor JS's general direction.
"We couldn't kill Ami," Super Steve crowed, lunging up atop the tank.
"So we'll just have to make do killing the Head Mako-chanian!"
shouted Jeddite, following the Outer Senshi fan.
Sailor Jessica Rabbit backed up, no place to go...
well...will Sailor Jessica escape or no??? Next up!
Steve Allen Richards
An unfamiliar figure appeared on the field.
"You're all a bunch of idiots," he yelled at everyone, "why don't
you all grow up and watch a real show."
One of our main characters took notice of him. "Holy shit! It's
Ross Strickland!"
And for the first, last, and only time in the history of the
Otaku Wars, every single participant worked together and concentrated
their fire on the lone figure. When all was done, a large portion of the
Earth no longer existed. However, one piece of Ross' bloody pulp was
located by Belial who took great pride in jumping on it repeatedly.
Jet Wolf
BisseyJ wrote:
> Look guys, this is the sailor-moon newsgroup.
>
> It's bad enough that rec.arts.anime.misc was destroyed by GRIT, can we
> please put an end to this before half the posts here are OtAKU wARS.
Well, not TRYING to be argumentative, but I have to say that this is the
most interesting stuff I've found on a.f.s-m in months.
I would rather read these than have to sit and wade through poll after
poll about who's a high school student and the
Oh-God-Will-It-Never-Go-Away "Where does everybody live" question. Or
debate on Chibi-Chibi's origin for the fifteen millionth time and have
to liten the constant arguing about whether or not the new information
presented on DiC's behalf is correct.
IMHO, and I know in the opinions of some others, a.f.s-m was dying a slow
and horrible death. DiC, at least for now, isn't rerunning the show. A
week from now and there won't even be any new JP episodes or manga issues
to talk about. And while I doubt the group will ever die completely
(just look at alt.fan.bgcrisis for proof of that one), at least now we're
having fun (some of us, at any rate ^_^). And if you guys want to keep
having your polls and debating your stuff, well, I don't see where the
Otaku War! notes are interfering.
As with anything, and as we're so quick to want to say around here, if
you don't want to read it, don't read it. <shrug>
Just my two cents, as always, and I'm really not trying to fight with
you, Jason, or offend anyone else. Just that I really don't see where
this is any different than the polls that can and HAVE fostered dozens
upon dozens of replies...
-=Jet Wolf
Who thinks that OW! is perfectly on
topic in a fan fic-ish kinda way.
Jet Wolf
RockMan X wrote:
> "Well, crap," X mutters, "And I had a scene all ready for this
> situation."
Jet Wolf bursts through the entrace of their HQ, waving her weapons about
madly. "Where is it? Where is it? I've got a plan for it and
everything!"
X points to the passage describing how the mecha just careened off on its
own.
"NANI?? Where did that come from? I didn't even *see* that note? Now
my archives are messed up again. Smeg."
Dejectedly, the two walk back into the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm).
> He sits down, pouting, and restarted the plot of the implementation of
> the Cunning Plan with Jet Wolf...
"Man, that bit. Oh well. Now about that fuku..."
-=Jet Wolf
With plans for a longer part tonight, if she doesn't
get too tired and continuity doesn't go *poof* again.
Jet Wolf
Warthog wrote:
> >"Wait a minute!" Jet Wolf exclaimed. "Thiis isn't Warthog! This is
> > just a Coke-Classic can crudely disguised has him with a bit of moss
> > and some twigs!"
"WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!" screamed the Jet Wolf safely tucked away in her nice
comfy office. Inturrupting the E-Mail to RMX that she hadn't actually
started yet, the Reichanian stared up at the version of herself on the
monitor that was spouting out this insane drivel.
"Not Warthog .... Coke-Classic (ewww.) .. moss, and...." she trailed off,
turning around to look at the two plushies on her desk. Both of whom
giggled, flipped her off cutely and disappeared in a puff of
continuity-error-affirming smoke.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
*****
About half an hour (and many a broken piece of furniture later), Jet Wolf
was having her office restored and the busted monitors replaced. She
stormed down the passage ways of the Reichanian base, trenchcoat
billowing out behind her much like Darth Vader's cloak ... or possibly
not, but everyone else had made Star Wars allusions and she felt left
out.
"Dammit dammit dammit. I don't know how it happened, but I must've
gotten caught in some sort of time warp, shot momentarily to another
dimension and tricked into thinking that I had both the plushies AND my
partner. How fiendishly clever. It must be my punishment for not
posting my part earlier."
There was no time to waste. Jet Wolf felt the overpowering urge to
reassert herself in her own continuity. And there was only one place
where she could do that.....
RockMan X wrote:
> Now, back where this mess started, Jet Wolf started to get agitated.
> "What is it with these partners?? They're ALWAYS...<squeak!> huh??"
> Something bumped her leg.
>
> Jet Wolf looks down to see Chibi-Chibi hugging a kawaii plushie of X.
"GYAHHH!!!" Jet Wolf screamed, leaping immediately into a nearby tree and
cowering (with utmost dignity, mind you) behind a copy of Overfiend,
which she had never seen herself...but figured this was probably A Good
Thing. "Don't you touch me, you ... CUTE THING!!"
Jet Wolf quickly checked herself over to ensure that everything was as
un-cute as it should be. She almost fainted and fell out of the tree
when she saw the leg of her jeans where Chibi-Chibi had bumped into her.
Whereas before they had been a beautifully deep black, now they were ....
Pink. The pink of cotton candy, baby piglets, newborn little girls'
rooms and Pepto Bismol (the cute kind). And it had adorable farm animals
on it. Jet Wolf felt like throwing up.
"Chibi!" Chibi-Chibi proclaimed, squeezing the X-plushie and causing the
little light on his helmet to flash cutely.
"Oh gods, I'm in a nightmare," Jet Wolf groaned. "I'm lucky that the
temporal disturbance around me was able to keep me protected from the
full force of the Kawaii Field." She looked down at her pants leg. "If
you could call this 'lucky'."
But Jet Wolf was really and truly stuck. She didn't know the last thing
about Chibi-Chibi. Those were Spoilers, after all. How could she
possibly hope to defeat this enemy and rescue her--
The idea suddenly came to her in a flash of brilliance (least ways, it
was brilliance in her own mind). Flipping open the front panel of her
Sailor Mars watch, Jet Wolf spoke into it and set about arranging her and
X's rescue.
*****
An hour or so later, Jet Wolf was still up in the tree, sipping on the
Diet Coke that she had had the foresight to bring with her and watching
the drama unfold below her. Chibi-Chibi had dressed the RMX-plushie up
in frilly little sundress and was serving him a cup of tea. X was
beginning to seriously wonder about Jet Wolf's apparent obsession to get
him into drag.
The crockery on the little table began to clatter slightly and a low
rumbling sound could be heard coming from the direction of the Diet Coke
Bottle from Hell (tm). Jet Wolf stood on the branch and shielded her
eyes, staring in to the distance. The noise got louder, and she was
finally able to see clouds of dust rising. She nodded to herself and sat
back down, leaning against the tree trunk. This wouldn't be pretty. But
it was the best way.
"Chibi..?" said Chibi-Chibi uncertainly.
A second later and the adorable little girl was yanked into the air and
passed around from one pair of hands to another. "Ch-Ch-Chiiiibbbbiii!"
the little girl exclaimed, being jostled all over the place. She looked
a little annoyed ... but cute.
"Squeak!" RMX squeaked.
Neeeext..?
-=Jet Wolf
Who sincerely hopes that her continuity hasn't
been messed up AGAIN while she's been writing this.
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
Sailor Jewel
> Okay then.....
>
> "Well...come on, suckers!" Super Steve yelled, above the din. "Who else
> DARES to challenge...MIGHTY AWESOME SUPER STEVE!?". He threw his head
> match the COOLNESS of MY Setsuna-chan-san-sama! SETSUNA IS AN
> ABSOLUTE GODDESS! You hear me, you lame ass Inner Senshi supporters?!
> She's a Goddess I say! A GODDESS!!!".
> "Who are you calling 'lame ass'?" a cold voice demanded, atop a
> gleaming, blue tank.
> "All the Inner Senshi and their drooling fans!" SuperSteve screamed,
> raising his fist in the air. "PLUTO FOREVER, BABY!".
> "I don't think so!" the opponent on the tank replied, calmly. "I have
> more fans than Pluto anyway!".
> SuperSteve looked up to the smug one on the tank. Ami stood there,
> "And...my mass of zombified, AMI FANBOYS!" Ami screeched, sweeping her
> arm in the direction of her enormous, Amichanian aresenal.
> "What are you going to do now, huh?! The only thing you can do
> "NOOO!" SuperSteve screamed, falling to his knees. "I'll never give
> "COLD FISH?!" Ami shrieked, her voice rising several ear shattering
> "Hey SuperSteve, your minor character attack wasn't strong enough to
> hold me down!" Jeddite called, running back into the scene,
> Glaive in one hand, and dragging a beat up Yuichiro in the other.
> "This isn't the time for this..." not-so-SuperSteve grimaced.
> "Go ahead, Yuichiro," Jeddite demanded, shoving him foward,"tell
> "Why, Hotaru-chan, of course," Yuichiro replied, conversationally. "I
> "And what of Rei?" Jeddite prompted.
> Yuichiro replied.
> "Good boy," Jeddite crooned, "now-".
> "DIE!!!" Ami screamed again, annoyed at the intrusion. "All of you!".
> She fired the disc cannon at the group.
> of fire.
> "HOTARU, I LOVE YOU!" was Yuichiro's last words, before being reduced
> to a pile of ashes.
> "Now you have to die!" SuperSteve added, twirling the big ass key over
> his head.
> The pair jumped toward Ami, Glaive and Big Ass Key ready...
>
> SuperSteve kill ogg one senshi!!!
OK, here goes nothing....
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Ami was about to be clubbed and sliced when an
invisible wall appeared between The 2 funnies and Ami.
"KILLKILLKILL!!!" SuperSteve and Jeddite were practically screaming.
Ami used this chance to use her Shabon Spray and ran away. When the fog
cleared up, the wall was gone...and so was Ami.
"Who was the JERK who let Ami get away?" Up above they saw a shadow
with a glaive on one end and something else at the bottom. The light
shone over it's hair and it was practically lavender.
"Me," the shadow replied. The bottom end turned right side up and
turned into a tier. The long tier lighted up the place and there was...
"A girl with lavender hair covering her left eye???" Super Steve and
Jeddite answered. She was wearing a glittering sailor fuku with
Galaxia-like boots.
"I'm... Sailor Jewel! Granddaughter of Sailor Galaxia and descendant of
Chaos!" The girl replied.
"Shut up!" Jeddite screamed and aimed her glaive at Jewel.
Surprisingly, the glaive went through Jewel.
"What?" Super Steve said. He was going to stop time and club Jewel with
the big ass key. He tried. Too bad.
"Time ultra stop!" SuperSteve as been frozen and so is Jeddite. Jewel
stiffles a giggle and turns them back to normal. The 2 funnies are about
to attack Jewel when they finally notice something.
"ARRRGGGGHHH!" Jeddite screamed.
"We've been kawaiied!" SuperSteve shrieked. They were super deformed
and had PINK HAIR!!!
"You can cry all you want, stupids.
BBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHPTBTBBTBTBTBP!" Jewel
disappeared among the darkness.
------------------
Continue...
Hikagi
>"Chibi..?" said Chibi-Chibi uncertainly.
>"Squeak!" RMX squeaked.
Meanwhile in the background unnoticied by nearly everyone Hikagi was using
the giant mecha that Haruka sama had given him and was having a ball.
Transforming the mecha into a giant bike he sped along running random
otakus over and squeeling with glee.
Then suddenly the salad that he had tipped over onto the controls. It's
dressing, Italian, spilled all over the control panel and caused it to
blow sparks. Shouting and throwing his hands up a la Ranma 1/2 he looked
in horro as the mecha began to shape shift again. It surprised him and
turned into a carbon copy of Sailor Uranus and started running around
wildly and swinging the space sword around like a toy.
Trying to touch the control panel to get control Hikagi go a very strong
electrical shock.
"Kiyyaaaaaaaaa" he shouted as he realized the Mecha was out of control as
it careened towards a certain inner senshi's headquarters swinging it's
giant mecha space sword around.
"Oh no, the Reichanians aren't going to like this." he said rubbing his
newly fried hand and wishing that his goddess hadn't given him a mecha....
Oh sh*t! Some one else's out of alcohol too?!
-Fujisawa Sensei (El hazard)
Stand in line big man!
-Rocky DeSantos
BisseyJ
Look guys, this is the sailor-moon newsgroup.
It's bad enough that rec.arts.anime.misc was destroyed by GRIT, can we
please put an end to this before half the posts here are OtAKU wARS.
Thank you.
-Jinzo 17
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOOL lyric-of-the-week:
"I can say what I want to, even if I'm not serious.
I can say what I want to, even if, I'm just kidding!"
(from "Hush" off OPIATE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(distributer of the SM Fan Dub for the North East US.)
{SM Fandub Homepage: http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html}
Co-Founder of the South Jersey Anime Society: http://cygnus.rsabbs.com/~rsimon/
Lunette339
Jeddite wrote:
>> "Who dares to take on Sailor Jewel, Sailor of immortality and
>> destruction?" She looked at her little minions of armies, ready to
>> attack her.
>>
>> "I do!" a zombified, Ami fanboy ran up to Sailor Jewel. "Anything
for >my...ahhhh!". He was "ashified" by...something powerful that Sailor
Jewel did to him.
> "C'mon...we can take her on," SuperSteve murmured to Sailor
Jessica
>Rabbit and Jeddite. "The senshi always win against evil!".
> "Yeah..." Jeddite agreed, "so we're superdeformed, ultra kawaii
and
>have pink hair....we can still win!".
> "Right," Sailor Jessica Rabbit added, pulling out a laminated,
Sailor
>Jupiter prism card she had purchased earlier for a mere $30.00,
"Hey, I thought that was the card I threw away..." Ultrace muttered from
far away.
"D'oh!" she muttered. "Can't punch two at once!! They're closing in
fast... I need time to think of something! What'll I do?" Then she got a
brilliant idea. Well, for a Makochanian, it was brilliant. For an
Amichanian, it was probably just, ya know, an idea. But for a
Makochanian... Brilliance.
"You have perjured Jupiter! For that I shall not forgive you!" Sailor
Jessica Rabbit bellowed.
"Oh crap!" Jeddite and Steve froze in their tracks.
"She's making a cheesy speech!" Jeddite gasped, struggling to move. But
she couldn't. "It's categorically forbidden to attack anyone making a
cheesy speech!"
"That's okay, we'll just wait till she's done." Super Steve growled.
"I stand for the King of the Planets! The Queen of the Senshi! The
complete and total coolest Scout! Yes, Jupiter is the greatest and you
can't stop me from thinking so!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit continued. "Jupiter
stands for Justice! She has the most talent! Like a tall tree she is
staunch and true, protecting all whom she cares about! Like lightning is
her fury! Only a fool would provoke her, OR one of her servants! An
incarnation of her fury, it is my duty to punch those who impugn the great
one! Yea, for be she called Lita or Mako-chan, her power and personality
cannot be denied! She has the most talent! And an ex-boyfriend! She looks
good in earth tones... She, um..." Sailor Jessica Rabbit gulped. "Uh...
she's... really cool and..."
"She's faltering! Get ready!" Super Steve lifted his big ass key.
"Hee hee..." Jeddite's feet could almost move...
"Uh, she's a good cook... uh... she can ice skate... uh... hang on a
sec..."
* * *
Will anyone save Sailor Jessica?
Find out next time on Otaku Wars!
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
Lunette339
Steve (not the super one; I think) wrote:
>
>An unfamiliar figure appeared on the field.
>
> "You're all a bunch of idiots," he yelled at everyone, "why don't
>you all grow up and watch a real show."
Several of the more sensitive Chibichanians blanched and fainted.
> One of our main characters took notice of him. "Holy shit! It's
>Ross Strickland!"
>
> And for the first, last, and only time in the history of the
>Otaku Wars, every single participant worked together and concentrated
>their fire on the lone figure. When all was done, a large portion of the
>Earth no longer existed.
Namely: Disneyland. (Kidding!)
>However, one piece of Ross' bloody pulp was
>located by Belial who took great pride in jumping on it repeatedly.
"AHA!" Sailor Jessica Rabbit sprang up out of the bushes. "It's YOU!
MAKO-HATER!"
"Eep!" Belial blinked, still unconsciously stomping on the pulp. "Let's
see... I could run away... I could fight this rabid Senshi... or I
could... Aha! That's it!"
"Hey look!" he said, pulling something small and shiny out of his
trenchcoat pocket.
Sailor Jessica skidded to a stop. "OHMYGOD!" she squealed. "It's a Jupiter
Foil Prism Card! Where did you get it? I must have it!"
Belial grinned. He had taken it off the body of a random Makochanian he'd
stomped earlier, and kept it figuring he might be able to jimmy a door
lock with it sometime, but he wasn't going to tell HER that.
"Sure you can have it. Just give me, uh, let's see... Fifty bucks."
"Twenty." said Sailor Jessica, circling him rabidly.
"Thirty-five." said Belial.
"Thirty and that's my last offer." said Jessica, stomping Ross
Strickland's bloody pulp for emphasis.
"Okay then." said Belial, handing her the card and pocketing the cash.
"Woohoo!" Jessica gazed at the card in bliss, thus affording Belial a
chance to make a strategic retreat, not to mention there was no longer a
continuity error in that other post over there <points in a random
direction> concerning how she got her Jupiter card.
Hopping along the bunny trail,
- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
Visit the Sparkly Mimet Shrine at:
ftp://members.aol.com/lunette339/briefcase/mimet.htm
Look Jet Wolf! I got the address right this time! <Sailor Jessica gets
patted on the head for her efforts>
RockMan X
bis...@aol.com (BisseyJ) wrote:
>Look guys, this is the sailor-moon newsgroup.
>It's bad enough that rec.arts.anime.misc was destroyed by GRIT, can we
>please put an end to this before half the posts here are OtAKU wARS.
<Looks over to Jet Wolf in the DCBFH, then back>
<grins>
After the completion of the Cunning Plan, all in due time (which may
be shorter than many may think).
<straight face>
And besides, they say that this is how the FSC was started... and the
FSC posts get numerous during one of their story lines. And lately,
all that there has been here at a.f.s-m are POLLS (that have been used
thousands of times), Episode 200/Chibi-Chibi speculations (which Jet
Wolf has headed the use of SPOILER SPACE for), and news of various
Dubs (The DiC one is returning. Wow, more reruns! The FanDub isn't
finished yet. It'll get finished when it does.). Not exactly
lighthearted conversational topics (well, except those who are lucky
enough to HAVE S* access), since this is a discussion newsgroup.
<grin> It's something that those who are _sick_ of polls and those who
_don't_ want to be spoiled can read without waiting for the FSC (and
other fanfiction) to come back around. (Or those who wait for SM
Ani-Mayhem threads that go off topic ;)
Truth be told, this is the most fun I've had at a.f.s-m in a while.
>Thank you.
No problem; I can see that there are those that can think seriously
during this trying time of SM's End. :) [Checks new posts... Oh,
boy, more news of Video Releases. Whoop.]
>-Jinzo 17
-RockMan X
Stepping down from the OW! SoapBox
Hikagi
<big snip...Jeddite and SuperSteve were about to kill Ami. A invisible
wall, created by the new enemy. Sailor Jewel, stopped them. Ami gets
away, and SS and Jed are turned ultra kawaii, superdeformed, and pink
haired>
> Somewhere else, the not so kawaiis were fighting against the kawaiis.
> "Who dares to take on Sailor Jewel, Sailor of immortality and
> destruction?" She looked at her little minions of armies, ready to
> attack her.
>
> "I do!" a zombified, Ami fanboy ran up to Sailor Jewel. "Anything
for my...ahhhh!". He was "ashified" by...something powerful that Sailor
Jewel did to him.
Meanwhile in the background Hikagi in his totally out of control Mecha
which was advancing on the head Reichanian's headquarters took a sharp
turn and flew straight towards them. He shouted in the name of Uranus and
prayed that he would find a way out of the Mecha alive. It was obvious
that his goddess had given him the faulty Mecha as a surprise joke. She
did have the best sense of humor he said to himself under his breath...
>"C'mon...we can take her on," SuperSteve murmured to Sailor
Jessica
>Rabbit and Jeddite. "The senshi always win against evil!".
>"Yeah..." Jeddite agreed, "so we're superdeformed, ultra kawaii
and
>have pink hair....we can still win!".
>"Right," Sailor Jessica Rabbit added, pulling out a laminated,
Sailor
>Jupiter prism card she had purchased earlier for a mere $30.00,
>"we'll do it for Mako-chan,".
>"No," Jeddite hissed, "for Hotaru-chan!".
>"For Setsuna-chan-san-sama!" SuperSteve insisted.
>"Mako-chan!" Sailor JS spat.
>"The Inner Senshi are lame!" Super Steve replied. "We'll never
win with
>them!".
Hikagi was really scared now as the giant Mecha took out its carbon copy
of the Space Sword and began to swipe at the air in front of it. In his
confusion more salad dressing spilled on the controls and caused the Mecha
with Haruka's lovely likeness to speed even faster towards the group.
Suddenly Hikagi and his giant Mecha crashed right into the distraut
Makochanian's tank. As soon as it hit the ground a years supply worth of
salad dressing gushed out of one of it's storage tanks and spilled over
everyone at the scene.
"Oh That's it! First I get stuck in this giant Mecha as a joke by my
Goddess and then I fall all over the place and go careening about like
some yo yo?" Hikagi growls and spits as he says this.
"I'm sorry but on behalf of Uranus I'm going to have to destroy this
Mecha" standing up and doing a patented Uranus blink he does a WORLD
SHAKING and blasts a hole in the side of the Mecha. Unfortunately the
hole is right next to the fusion tank which catches on fire.
As all of the others at the scene finally pull themselves out of the
rubble and random tank parts that crashed everywhere they all pull a
patented surprised Momo look from the Sentai show OuRanger. Just as soon
as they realize that they are going to die a voice comes out of nowhere,
it sounds suspiciously like Sailor Jewel
RockMan X
hik...@aol.com (Hikagi) wrote:
>Meanwhile in the background unnoticied by nearly everyone Hikagi was using
>the giant mecha that Haruka sama had given him and was having a ball.
>Transforming the mecha into a giant bike he sped along running random
>otakus over and squeeling with glee.
>Then suddenly the salad that he had tipped over onto the controls. It's
>dressing, Italian, spilled all over the control panel and caused it to
>blow sparks. Shouting and throwing his hands up a la Ranma 1/2 he looked
>in horro as the mecha began to shape shift again. It surprised him and
>turned into a carbon copy of Sailor Uranus and started running around
>wildly and swinging the space sword around like a toy.
>Trying to touch the control panel to get control Hikagi go a very strong
>electrical shock.
>"Kiyyaaaaaaaaa" he shouted as he realized the Mecha was out of control as
>it careened towards a certain inner senshi's headquarters swinging it's
>giant mecha space sword around.
>"Oh no, the Reichanians aren't going to like this." he said rubbing his
>newly fried hand and wishing that his goddess hadn't given him a mecha....
Sirens alert Jet Wolf and RMX that the careening mech is approaching
the DCBFH (tm), interrupting their discussion of the Cunning Plan.
X leaps to his feet, yelling over the klaxons, "YES!! Another
opportunity for a long drawn-out battle scene!!" He gathers his
weapons....
Only to see something unexpected:
>Meanwhile in the background Hikagi in his totally out of control Mecha
>which was advancing on the head Reichanian's headquarters took a sharp
>turn and flew straight towards them. He shouted in the name of Uranus and
>prayed that he would find a way out of the Mecha alive. It was obvious
>that his goddess had given him the faulty Mecha as a surprise joke. She
>did have the best sense of humor he said to himself under his breath...
"Well, crap," X mutters, "And I had a scene all ready for this
situation."
He sits down, pouting, and restarted the plot of the implementation of
the Cunning Plan with Jet Wolf...
-RockMan X
Steve Allen Richards
RockMan X wrote:
>
> bis...@aol.com (BisseyJ) wrote:
>
> >Look guys, this is the sailor-moon newsgroup.
>
> >It's bad enough that rec.arts.anime.misc was destroyed by GRIT, can we
> >please put an end to this before half the posts here are OtAKU wARS.
>
> <Looks over to Jet Wolf in the DCBFH, then back>
> <grins>
> After the completion of the Cunning Plan, all in due time (which may
> be shorter than many may think).
>
> <straight face>
> And besides, they say that this is how the FSC was started...
You know, the funniest thing is the fact that it all stemmed from
one post. MINE. In that post, all I suggested is that we get along. But,
some found it more fashionable to disagree with me... now they must pay
the price! As for you, BisseyJ, come here.
"What?"
<club>
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
--
_____________________________________________________________________
Things you don't hear every day #15 | Steve Allen Richards
| The Thane of Cawdor
"Woody Allen beat me up." | <caw...@sgi.net>
The Happy Hindu
In article <32F5E0...@ix.netcom.com>, Jet Wolf <jet...@ix.netcom.com>
wrote:
>
> "A CHALLENGE!!" Jet Wolf screamed, sounding none-too stable and sending
> several nearby random otaku fleeing for somewhere safter. Like maybe over
> where the Outers were fighting their own civil war. Or the French
> Quarter during Mardi Gras. "Ooo, and I convieniently made it so that I
> don't have to break continuity to answer it! Heehee, I'm so sneaky."
>
>
> "Alright, foul varlet, doko nanno?" Jet Wolf cried, arriving on the scene
> in a considerably less impressive manner than she left the last one.
>
> "Mixing Shakespearan English and Japanese?" the Hindu asked from his
> comfy spot in the shade where he was playing a game of solitaire (and
> losing). "Tsk. Bad form. And what's with your speech pattern tonight,
> anyway?"
>
> Jet Wolf shrugged. "I'm tired." She said nothing else, merely checked
> the settings on the Ofuda Buster 5K.
>
> "Yeah. Life sucks."
>
> "Mmph, you're simply charming this evening, I must say."
>
> The woman shrugged, basically ignoring the barb. "Well, you challenged
> me, O Happy One, and I answered. You've been a thorn in my side since
> you first entered this war ... in a manner which I can't off-hand
> remember nor feel like checking on because I have over 60 of these posts
> archived. But I'm sure you annoyed me!"
The lightning attack was a stroke of genius. :)
>
> She began to advance on the Hindu and the two circled each other warily,
> Jet Wolf's finger tense on the trigger of the Ofuda Buster 5000, Scott's
> weapon (whatever it happend to be at the time) also at the ready.
>
> "It's time to finish this, little percolator-fixing boy." (Ultrace yells
> that that's HIS naming schtick, but is generally ignored.)
>
> "Let's go then. Right here, right now," the Hindu growled.
>
> The uncomfortable moment passes quickly and the two combantants again
> face off. "I'll try to dispose of you quickly, Hindu, partly as a reward
> for the movie, partly because I respect your artistic talents, and partly
> beause I'm really really tired."
>
> The Happy Hindu smiled slyly at his opponent. "Finish me off quickly,
> huh? Well, you can certainly try...."
>
>
> TBC, no doubt.....
>
"And I'm royally ticked off at you giving me a relapse of my Solitare
addiciton. I thought I kicked it over a year ago and now it's back." The
Hindu mutters a few choice curses in Japanese (about the only thing he
knows) and waved his x_acto knife at JetWolf.
"And why are you threatening me with an x-acto knife?" asked JetWolf.
The Hindu shrugged. "Because I'm running on four hours sleep and all my
creativity went into a story for SciFi Lit class."
"Oh."
"But it is good enough for this match. It can slice through steel and it
shall slice through you. Ha!" He threw the blade, which JetWolf eaisily
dogged. The blade continued on, slicing through a dozen nameless Otaku
before it embedded itself into the back of JetWolf's statue of Rei.
"Egad! You've defiled my Temple! You'll pay for that!" She let loose
the fury of the Ofuda Buster 5000 on the Hindu who pulled out another deck
of cards and fired them off, blocking the charms. JetWolf Growled. "Why
do these battles always have to be so uneventful?"
The Hindu smiled. "Because I'm giving you time to catch up on your sleep
so you can _personally_ thottle me some more. I'm curious as to what you
have in store for me. Besides, I worte the last two battles. It's only
fair that you get a shot..."
By this time, the current author has fallen asleep at the keyboard, due to
a lack of sleep. He decides that it would be best to let JetWolf pick it
up from here since she claims to have many great ideas in store for me.
Go for it, Nikki!
The Happy Hindu (Scott)
Who finds that the Hindu is appearing in other threads. Yea! I'm
actually being acknowledged by other people!
PS. Sailor Jessica Rabbit: If you see this, plese accept the Hindu's
offering of a large piece of oak lumber to pummel your opponents with. It
has been a pleasure bumping into the other champion of Makoto. May the
2X4 serve you well.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scott Wiesenmeyer (The Happy Hindu, sometimes Trenchcoat Insomnia)
swe...@fgi.net
Artist 1: "Where did I put the Atomic PaintBrush?"
Artist 2: "Turn of the lights, stupid. It should glow in the dark!"
Werks in Progress Page: http://www.fgi.net/~swezen/
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve Allen Richards
Jonna Eggl wrote:
> "DIE EVIL DOERS WHO WOULD HARM FANS OF THE GODDESS JUPITER!" Two swift
> punches coming from nowhere promptly knocked Super Steve and Jeddite on
> their backsides. They were thrown by a short girl in a sailor collared
> sweater who wore her absolutely most favorite pair of Mako-chan Rose
> earrings. In one hand she also held a large flag pole (special green &
> pink rose flag on it (tm.)) brandished like a staff. "In the name of
> Jupiter, I the super-lurker, Sailor Jonna...HAVE PUNISHED YOU!" Sailor
> Jonna surveyed the prone pair and their twin massive sweatdrops with
> interest. "Well it's not like YOU two were making a cheesy speech.
> You were fair game!" She turned from the enemy. "Hey Sailor Jessica
> Rabbit," she yelled. "We Mako-chanian's can kick whomp these two
> without even transforming...Let's do it!" She raised the flag pole
> over Super Steve's head and swung it down sharply...
<Cling!!> went the pole off of the cranium of SuperSteve. "Hey,
that tickled."
"Well, I'll be..." SJR said as Sailor Jonna vibrated violently
fron the resonnance of the flagpole. Jeddite took this opertunity to
trip both of them with the glaive.
SuperSteve: "Jood Gob. Uh, Good Job."
Jeddite: "Not really, I meant to maim them."
SuperSteve: "Kere's my whee? Um, Where's my key?"
Jeddite: "There it is, up your... hey that's gotta hurt!"
SuperSteve: "Cy Mape, Er, it's only in my cape. Relax. Check it
out... it's a pair of Mako fans. They must be the Amazon Duo!"
Sailor Jonna springs to her feet because the last six lines have
been dialogue. "I am sick of that Amazon reference." she said cocking
her fists. By now, Jeddite had quite an accurately threatening hold on
the "Silence Glaive" and Steve was skillfully twirling the "Big Ass Key"
(patent pending). "What's the matter? Can't fight us without the
weapons?"
SuperSteve goes into a speech: "Buki to kenryoku,-"
But, he is mercilessly attacked by the Makochanians who suddenly
refuse to play by the rules. Luckily, Jeddite comes to the rescue with a
few well placed glaive jabs.
The Jupiphiles run off partially in pain, partially because they
found the glaive swipes rude and uncalled for and partially because some
Hindu was offering them lumber.
"Well, we'll have to deal with them later, but for now, how about
some grape koolaid while we prepare to attack the Minakochanians?"
However, all was not well with the key weilder. The status of the Venus
worshippers changed on a daily basis. He thought he had neutralized the
Aphrodite with the advent of Molly; then she got plushied. No matter,
the ship itself had become a huge plushie along with everyone in it. But
what did that make Molly? Can you turn a plushie into a plushie or will
the nature of the universe itself deteriorate?
Just then, the laugter of the Evil Professor Chronos filled the
air. "Damn the fandub!" SuperSteve shreiked (why did I shreik?) and
jumped up spilling grape koolaid on his Buster Bunny T-Shirt. Jeddite
reached out to stop him and succeeded in only tripping him with the
glaive.
"I'll kill you, Chronos!!!!!!"
"Me? I'm only practicing my laugh."
"Kill, kill, kill the bringer of the Chibi's."
Jeddite: "You cant. The fandub."
SuperSteve: "The sanctity of Setsuna is more important!"
Chronos: "Bwahaha."
Jeddite to Chronos: "Stop it; you're not helping."
Jeddite talks some sense into SuperSteve. "Remember DiC? <groan
from half the ng> Remember the Luna Ball? Remember the voice? That was
supposed to be Setsuna's voice wasn't it?"
"Uh-huh. Eh? Eew. Oh. Shucks. I never get to have any fun.
"Bwahaha."
"C'mon, let me knock him... just once."
Belial
<Here we find the leadering type Jet Wolf treed
by Chibi-chibi>
>and Jet Wolf leapt out of her perch, still
>distressed at the condition of her jeans, but
>feeling very fortunate to have gotten off as well
>as she did. She walked over to the remains of the
>kawaii tea part and picked up the RMX-plushie,
>whose chair had been turned over, sending him
>sprawling to the ground.
> "Tsk," Jet Wolf said, "you've gone and got grass
>stains all over your pretty frock."
> "Squeak!" RMX squeaked.
> "Yes, I know." The two headed back towards their
>base. RMX-plushie squeaked again. "Oh, you did?
>That's great, so we DO have him after all. Perfect.
>Heh. AAhehheh. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
> RMX-plushie developed a very kawaii sweatdrop.
Meanwhile, as the hoard of debaters began heading
back to the DCBFM (tm) to re-enter the Don't You
Ever Open This Door room (as they had no need to
be in the outside world until they were done
analyzing Chibi-chibi, and once they had, there
would be no reason to keep them in there) they
came upon a large squad of Reichanians, who,
coincidently, were coming to collect aforementioned
debaters now that their mission was accomplished.
"Right, hold it there, no one move!" barked out
a Reichanian. "We've got orders to stuff you back
in the room! Come quietly!"
Bristling at the pushy jerk of a Reichanian (who
was actually considered pretty mellow by his
Rei-otaku kind ;) the debaters grumbled and
refused to move.
"Oh? Getting rebellious eh? Well, I've got a
democratic and even-handed method of solving our
differences."
"What's that?!" shouted one of the debaters.
"There's more of us and we have clubs! Right,
start smacking Chibi-debaters men!" shouted
the lieutenant. And the beating began.
As the last of the crying and pummeled debaters
was dragged away, screaming incoherently, an
odd quiet fell over the... uh... forest?
Author's Note-
(No one's described the terrain yet to my
knowledge, are we fighting in a WWII-esque
muddy trench filled field or a Wal-Mart parking
lot? I'm writing in a tropical jungle forest
here, because Jet Wolf and X mentioned trees
and bushes earlier. ;)
Anyway, it's oddly quiet in the forest, right?
<grin> And out of the undergrowth came striding
a strange man with an oddly shadowed face and
a blue mohawk, wearing a trenchcoat. He was
carrying on a silent conversation with a short,
foot high dinosaur.
"Look, all I'm saying is, is that your appeal
over long term is limited! Yes, the artwork is
superb, and the humor is there, but you don't
talk, no one talks, there aren't even sound
affects! And all you ever do is rage! I mean,
really!" Belial raged. "I bought all four of
your frigging graphic novels, and yes, I
enjoyed them, but there's no re-read value!"
Gon stared silently at Belial and smirked a
little. He had Belial's money, what did he
care?
Sighing, Belial gave up. "Fine, keep the
frigging money. But you know what?" The
dinosaur stared blankly at him. "I'm not
recommending you to ANYONE! Because you
advertise american comics in your page
insert! Bah! Get away from me!" Belial
gave up in frustration.
Gon smirked some more. He was an easy
going guy. And in the name of a buck, Gon
would never discriminate against producing
an american title. With a slight shrug,
Gon turned about and went in search of
something to beat up or eat.
Sighing, Belial turned and walked into
the recently vacated clearing (remember,
before I started ranting? The fight? ;)
and tripped over a pile of Chibi-chibi
theories.
"What the hell?" shouted Belial, spitting
out dirt and small plants, "Who put all
this paper here?!"
Glancing about and finding no one to
blame, he sighed and started collecting
sheafs and reams of paper. "May as well
recycle all this stuff." he mumbled,
"After preaching and all earlier...
and I *was* on my to the recycling
center anyway..." Suddenly he grabbed
a massive ream of paper that was, oddly,
fuzzy and snuggly.
"What the hell kind of paper is this?"
he wondered out loud, digging more of
it out of the pile. "It's almost...
plushie..."
No more than fifty feet over to the
left, on a forest trail, Jet Wolf was
purchasing a Gon manga off of Gon
himself.
"Belial told me about you once, when
he bought your first manga. He seemed
really excited, and the artwork seems
nice, so I'll give it a chance." Jet
Wolf was chatting amiably. (hey, it
happens even to the best Reichanian ;)
X was eyeing Gon from where he stood
safely behind Jet Wolf. He didn't like
the way Gon was eyeing the flashing light
on his MMX Cylon rip off helmet.
"So, there's no words huh?" Jet Wolf
observed, flipping through the book.
"Oh well... looks interesting."
Gon grinned widely, showing all his
teeth, which caused X to shrink back
even farther. Handing Jet Wolf her
change, he calmly turned about and
walked into the forest, after shooting
X one more hungry look.
After Gon left, X shuddered and followed
Jet Wolf down the trail.
"I don't like him." stated X.
"Relax," Jet Wolf replied, "He's just a
flesh-eating dinosaur with unstoppable
strength. Besides, he's gone."
"I know who he is, but what if he's still
around here?" X replied.
"No, I mean he's gone. Not here."
"I know! He's Gon! And he doesn't *seem*
to be here, but... ehhh..."
"Look dammit! This sounds like a bad
Monty Python routine! He's not here!
He has left the premises! He is likely
eating a large dead parrot many miles
away by now!"
"No, he's just resting! Lovely parrot
the Norweigan Blue, beautiful plumage."
"The plumage doesn't come into it me
lad, he's gone!!" Jet Wolf screamed.
"I know." said X exasperatedly, for
the last time, before Jet Wolf smacked
him with her new Gon manga. Repeatedly.
<apologising for that last scene, we
return once again to Belial...>
"Hmmmm..." hmmmmed Belial, shovelling
paper aside. "There's an anstonishing
amount of plushie paper here, more than
I thought possible..." Suddenly, his
hand met resistance when it dug into
the pile next time. Well, more resistance
than say, if it was just a lot of paper...
which can be pretty solid mind you, but
since this is plushie paper, you get the
idea- (the author is suddenly smacked by
a large diet coke bottle, and continues
on with more sensible things) (pfft)
"CHIBI!!" Chibi-chibi exclaimed gleefully,
exploding out of the pile of plushie
paper she had snuggled down in to wait
like a striking pit viper... or something
similarily cute.
"GAAAAAAH!" screamed Belial in a high-
pitched yet manly scream, "CHILD!!!"
"Chibi! Chibi!" she thoughtfully observed,
glomming onto his right arm and hugging
mightily.
"CHILD ON MY ARM! CHILD ON MY ARM!!"
he continued screaming, running about in
circles flapping his arms like a large
demented penguin, much like that in the
manga chapter 'Gon Lives With The Penguins'.
Belial stops briefly to collect a small
fee from Gon for advertising his product,
then continues running and screaming.
Several whiles later...
Crawling about and flapping somewhat,
Belial mumbles something about a child
who is still gleefully enjoying the airplane
ride she's been receiving these past
six hours or so.
"Right! That's it! I quit!" Belial
declares, rolling onto a pile of plushie
paper and collapsing. "If you ain't
coming off than I ain't a movin'..."
"Chibi..." Chibi-chibi says disconsolately,
and sits down next to him, snuggling up
in the folds of his trenchcoat.
"Ech..." Belial states, shying away. "So,
what's your name little... thing..."
Looking up at him and smiling brightly,
causing him to flinch, she elaborates on
her earlier comments and replies, "Chibi-
chibi!" She then proceeded to weave his
trenchcoat into some kind of Chibi-nest.
Suddenly, we have a freeze frame and a
small SD Belial in a professor outfit
hops out, pushing the current scene
aside.
"Hello all of you out there in otaku-land,
you're probably wondering why I'm not
being horribly plushified by the little
red-haired Chibi. Well, the explanation,
though fairly simple, is also very
scientific!"
"Oh really?" a SD Jet Wolf drolls, striding
on stage "Just like all your other physics-
following methods of doing stuff?"
"Yeah!" chimes in a SD X with a much too
big flashing red Cylon helmet, following her.
"Well, no actually, this one makes sense!"
argues Prof. Belial, waving his remarkably
katana-resembling pointer stick about
threateningly. "You see, just as Warthog
so clearly hypothesized, Belial is the
antithesis of cute by definition. Chibi-
chibi on the other hand, is the definition
of cute."
Narrowing her eyes evilly, Jet Wolf
prompted him to go on. "Yeah, so?"
"Well, let's think about that. X, what
happen when you bring a magnet close to
a piece of metal?"
"Well," X said slowly, "the magnetic
properties of materials were first
explained by the french scientist
Andre Ampere. He realized that many
tiny electric currents within a
permanent magnetic substance have
exactly the same effect as one large
flow of current around an electromagnet.
The first actual electromagnet was
built in 1825 by William Sturgeon,
an English electrician."
Jet Wolf gains a huge sweat drop atop
her head and chuckles uncomfortably.
"It's also a weapon used by one of
Megaman's enemies." X added, grinning
widely.
Jet Wolf falls down in the Ranma 1/2
promise pose.
"Precisely!" crows Belial, awarding
X with a large gold star and a can
of Diet Coke, which he quickly exchanges
for Mountain Dew. "And that is exactly
what's happening here!"
Jet Wolf begins fuming wildly, then
swings at Belial, missing narrowly. "But
what does all this Belial/Chibi non-
plushieness mean?!?!" she screams.
"Well, I think it's best to picture all
SM otaku on a scale of cuteness." Belial
replies, and one BING!'s out of
hammerspace to hover in the air before
them.
"As you can see, we have many otaku
represented here, on a scale of -10 to
+10 in cute terms. Also, the otaku cute
levels often vary noticibly depending
on the situation."
"Oh?" asked X, slamming back his Mountain
Dew and licking all the tasty paste off
the back of the large gold star, "How is
that?"
"Well, let's take Jet Wolf for example-"
Belial begins.
"Let's not!" shouts JW, only to discover
she's already hovering overhead on the line
graph.
"Alright, now what?" X snickered.
"Well, as you can see now, in her current
state of fair irritation, Wulfy is in the
negative 3 cute region-"
"WHAT??!!" Jet Wolf shrieked, flames shooting
out of her mouth in a manner that would have
made Rei proud.
"Whoo! She just went down to negative 7!"
exclaimed X.
"Precisely. As you can see, this has nothing
to do with physical appearance. If we were,
say, to put you in that fuku of JW's up there..."
"Please don't!" X pleaded, only to discover
he already was. Now it was Jet Wolf's turn
to snicker.
"See, you're currently in the positive 3 1/2
region, despite the fact that you're a male
wearing a fuku. This is because you're super-
deformed, a three is a minimum level for
ANY superdeformed character, as long as you're
not in a negative mood, even a SD Overfiend.
Well, maybe a 2 in his case. Unless one's
emotions balance one otherwise. For
example, now that JW is grinning, however
evilly, and curious rather than angry, she's
moved up to a positive 5."
"Oh!" exclaimed Jet Wolf somewhat cutely.
"Please get me down before I hurt you!"
"Back down to a four."
"So what does all this mean Prof?" asked
X, tearing the fuku off after he discovered
his normal clothes were underneath.
"Well, now that you understand how the
graph works, understand that everything has
an extreme in either case. I would come in
at The negative 10, simply because I'm the
antithesis of cute for reasons too numerous
and occasionally too disturbing to list.
Chibi-chibi on the other hand..." an even
*more* SD than normally Chibi-chibi appeared
with a loud BING! noise at positive 10 side,
"is at the opposite end of The spectrum."
Jet Wolf puzzled briefly over this. "But,
if this is in relation to magnetics, as
extreme opposites, shouldn't you and
Chibi-chibi have the MOST affect on each
other? Turning you into an extreme plushy
or making her un-cute? Intense attraction?"
(a smaller and even more SD Belial pops up
in the left hand corner and holds up a
sign declaring "Attraction does NOT mean
physical lust you hentai bastards!" ;)
"Excellent observation!" Belial exclaimed,
handing JW a puce star, which she stared at
blankly. "But wrong! With the combination
of us being extreme opposites and my blatant
ignorance of physics, we come to a startling
result, which is..."
Jet Wolf leaned in "Which is??"
X leaned over, trying frantically to lick
the paste off Jet Wolf's star, but not
quite reaching. "Which is??"
"Which is, you would never hurt someone you
have a mutual attraction to!" Belial
proclaimed proudly.
The graph collapsed, sending Jet Wolf and
X crashing to the ground. Jet Wolf immediately
jumped back up and rushed towards Belial,
grimacing non-too-cutely, despite still being
SD. "THAT IS SO STUPID!!" she roared, "EVEN
FOR YOU, THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!"
Whipping his arm out of a deep pocket, he
tore back the sleeve, revealing Chibi-chibi
to be clutching his arm with her arms and
legs wrapped fiercely about it. She beamed
at Jet Wolf and declared "Chibi!" causing
JW to flinch backwards and cover her face.
"I warned you!" Belial shouted, "This thing's
loaded for bear!"
"Hey!" a SD Ultrace suddenly shouted, running
on stage, "If she's facing away from you on
your arm, isn't that giving you a constant
panty/fuku shot?"
"I made her wear pants beforehand." Belial
replied. "Trust you to think of a hentai
thing to say."
"Huh... Osh-Kosh-B-Gosh... is there
anything they can't do?" Ultrace exclaims,
before retreating offscreen to plan more
hentai plans. ;)
(We pause briefly for a disconsolate SD
Warthog to hop on-screen and mope about the
unlikelyness of his Kwaii Buster/Beam Saber
working on Belial after this recent
development, Minako's version of cute being
lesser and more tolerable than that of
Chibi-chibi.)
"Mein cappitan!" shouted X, running over,
"Are you all right?!" He also took the
opportunity to lick all the paste off of
her puce star.
"I... I don't know..." she mumbled, taking
her hands off her face. "How do I look?"
"Uh..." hesitated X, not sure whether or
not to tell her that she had huge sparkly
shoujo-style infatuated girly eyes. "Fine!"
"Are you sure?" she asked confusedly, "It
seems like everything male has a sparkling
haze around it and I can only close one
eye at a time, as though I was winking
coyly!" Looking briefly at X, she suddenly
commented, "My X... I never noticed how
manly your chin was before!"
"Change her back!" begged X to Belial,
"It's just Not Nikki!"
"Sorry." apologized Belial, none-too
honestly, turning Jet Wolf to face him.
"My! Your mohawk is so straight and
blue! Oh my!" Jet Wolf gushed embarrassedly.
"Well, I kind of like her better like
this, but it's best if we change her back...
let's see... something less disgusting than
Overfiend, but still not-cute. Oh, Nikki,
think of Rush Limbaugh bending over to
pick up a discarded eclair off the sidewalk."
"Gaaah!" screamed Jet Wolf, her eyes going
back to normal.
"Gaaah!" screamed X, clutching JW's arm in
terror.
"Eck." added Chibi-chibi, squinching her
face up cutely.
"Bleah." agreed Belial.
"Get off of me you anime shirt addict!"
screamed Jet Wolf, smacking X.
"I believe she's back to normal." announced
Belial, "And I think before she can pummel
me, it's time to go back to the story."
SD scene fades as Jet Wolf begins to rush
Belial... ;)
Chibi-chibi is continuing to nest in the
excess folds of Belial's trenchcoat.
Staring blankly, he blinks and shrugs.
"Right, I'm Belial. And thanks to you
my day is shot. So, what is a small, red,
heart odango decked child doing in a
forest where-" he pauses here to inhale,
at the same time a large snake lunges for
Chibi-chibi's leg, only to discover upon
contact that plushie fangs don't do much
more than tickle. "-many Otaku war and
vicious beast prowl-" a vicious beast,
of un-named origin, rushes Chibi-chibi
only to be plushified. "-and many natural
dangers lurk!" A massive tree, being bored
with standing, decides to fall on the
small red target below. Unfortunately,
as Belial, even sitting down, is about
four feet higher than Chibi-chibi, even
standing up, the tree hits him first.
Driving him three feet into the forest
floor.
"Hrrk!" Belial observed, wondering how
he was going to get his mohawk out of this
piece of the scenery. Suddenly, Chibi-chibi
reached up and poked the tree-trunk,
turning it too into a large, plush tree.
Pulling it off of Belial's head, for which
he thanked her, and then pecking him on
the cheek, for which he did not, Chibi-chibi
began to play Mono-Syllable Jungle Queen
with her new plushie friends.
"Hmmm, I do believe you're not the
average small annoying child wandering in
the forest, are you?" he said, taking
in all the other small annoying children
wandering about, getting mauled by beasts,
bitten by snakes, and felled upon by trees.
"Chibi!" Chibi-chibi explained carefully.
"Right... whatever... you don't know any
other words then, huh?"
Pausing to think for a moment, she nods
and motions for Belial to lean over so
she can whisper in his ear.
Briefly hesitating and worrying she might
try and kiss him again, he slowly lowers
his head towards her.
Grinning brightly, she grabs to large
hanks of his mohawk and yanks mightily.
Screaming, Belial takes off in the
direction he was originally headed, paper,
plushie paper, and plushie forest creatures
forgotten in the presence of pain.
<Scene Change: Reichanian headquarters, where a
mecha briefly considered attacking, then didn't.
(shrug) X is standing outside the base, ready to
fight the mighty mechanoid>
>> "Well, crap," X mutters, "And I had a scene
>>all ready for this situation."
> Jet Wolf bursts through the entrace of their HQ,
>waving her weapons about madly. "Where is it?
>Where is it? I've got a plan for it and
>everything!"
> X points to the passage describing how the mecha
>just careened off on its own.
> "NANI?? Where did that come from? I didn't even
>*see* that note? Now my archives are messed up
>again. Smeg."
> Dejectedly, the two walk back into the Diet Coke
>Bottle From Hell (tm).
> He sits down, pouting, and restarted the plot of
>the implementation of the Cunning Plan with Jet
>Wolf...
> "Man, that bit. Oh well. Now about that fuku..."
Suddenly, alarms start screaming and lights begin
flashing as yet another threat is asessed to be
moving in at high speeds, smashing down trees
and shattering large boulders.
"Can it really tell all that?" queried X.
"No, but it sounds more interesting that way
doesn't it?" replied Jet Wolf. "That's odd...
it registers as a level 20 threat... but the
scale only goes up to ten... but there's
only one mass approaching... it must be a
glitch."
"Can I hook my SNES up to the wall monitors
and play Megaman now?"
"Be quiet and prepare for battle!" Jet Wolf
snapped back.
As ranks of as-of-yet unnamed Reichanians lined
up before the base in preparation for battle,
mostly occupying themselves with comparing
2nd and 3rd degree burn scars, Jet Wolf and
X took a heroic stance near the back, where
it was easier to fight the enemy... or so X
kept telling Jet Wolf.
"I still don't understand." Jet Wolf complained
loudly.
"Trust me, we're uh... more likely to find
battle near the back... because... there's
ALWAYS a rear attack!" X exclaimed.
Ultrace briefly considered making a less than
tasteful comment about X's last line, but
decided it was too much hassle for not enough
payback. Plus Jet Wolf was just eyeing him
evilly something fierce.
"Oh, look, here comes Belial!" JW exclaimed.
"WHAT?!" shrieked X. "That's like saying,
'Oh, look, famine, pestilence and war!'"
"Oh, he's not that bad..." argued Jet Wolf,
"though for some reason I have an intense
feeling I should be avenging myself against
him for some recent wrong-doing he did me."
There was little time to discuss the matter
further, as Belial came tearing through the
front ranks of Rei-lackeys, a huge spray
of earth, plushie toys, and battered Rei-otaku
exploding on impact.
"That's funny..." observed Jet Wolf, "Plushie
toys?"
"Nnnnnngggh!" added X, cowering underneath the
folds of JW's trenchcoat.
"What is it boy?" asked Jet Wolf, "What's wrong?
Did Timmy fall down the well?"
"Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch..." X stuttered.
"What? You're a train? A typewriter? A really
lame machine gun? A cricket? Spit it out man!"
"CHIIIIBIIIII!" X shrieked, pointing at the
pink blob which bounced merrily about from
Belial's mohawk, squealing with laughter, like
some demon-flag of the abyss.
"Oh crap." muttered Jet Wolf. "And I just had
my pants replaced too."
"And I just finished forgetting everything I
saw in the Overfiend room! So kill it! Kill
him! Kill Them! KILL EVERYTHING!!!" X shrieked.
"Quiet!" Jet Wolf snapped, smacking X in the
back of the helmet. "If you get them all riled
up, the Reichanians will start lighting fires
and we'll lose our deposit on the campsite!"
Everyone blinks and stares at Jet Wolf, large
sweat drops overhead.
"I have NO idea where that came from." she
says, a puzzled look on her face.
"Riiiiight..." mutters Belial, finally prying
a wildly giggling Chibi's hands out of his hair,
losing a few blue hairs in the process. "Anyway,
now that that's over, I'm here for the bottle."
"NANI!!!???" shrieked Jet Wolf. "MY BASE??!!"
"No, my bottle. I paid the deposit on it, it's
mine. By law. The Diet Coke was a gift, but I
need to return the bottle for my deposit. Hey,
it's $500 bucks! What do you want me to do?"
"Er..." Jet Wolf protests, thinking quickly,
"What if I pay you $500 for the deposit and
you go away and take Chibi-chibi with you?"
"Sorry, but every ten bottles I bring back
I get free re-fills."
"But... but..." Jet Wolf's eyes begin shining
brightly, "But It's My BAAAAAASE!!!" she begins
to bawl as Belial grabs the base of the Diet
Coke Bottle From Hell (tm) and rips it out of
the foundations straight up, leaving a completely
exposed mass of floors and inner walls. The
Door That Ought Never To Be Opened unfortunately
has no walls to accompany it, and all the trolls
and polls escape to wreak havoc in the nearby
area while the other Reichanians rush to kill
them off.
Hefting the now-empty bottle over his head,
Belial heads off to the recycling center,
with Chibi-chibi happily sitting on top and
singing the Kerroppi song using only the word
"Chibi".
"Chibi chibi chibi-chi,
Chibi-chibi chibi-bi!
Chibi chibi chibi-chi,
Chibi chi-chi bi!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP!" Belial roars,
drowning out the wailing Jet Wolf, consoling
X, screams of dying trolls, and even the off-key
Chibi.
"It's: Kerro Kerro Kerroppi,
Laughing Dancing Having Fun!
Kerro Kerri Kerroppi,
Let's all have some fun!...
or something." he finished embarrassedly.
"It's not fair!" wails Jet Wolf, "That base
was so cool! And now we have to get all new
walls and everything!"
"Hey, at least it won't smell like Diet Coke
no matter where you go anymore!" supplied X,
trying to be helpful.
"THAT WAS THE BEST PART YOU IDIOT!!" shrieked
the now focused Jet Wolf, chasing after a
belated X.
Sighing, one of the lieutants of the
Reichanians turned to another and stated "Better
go get all the POWs again. She's gonna have
us working doubletime."
Belial,
who, once again, has overdone it. ;)
RockMan X
bel...@island.net (Belial) wrote:
> Suddenly, we have a freeze frame and a
>small SD Belial in a professor outfit
>hops out, pushing the current scene
>aside.
> "Hello all of you out there in otaku-land,
>you're probably wondering why I'm not
>being horribly plushified by the little
>red-haired Chibi. Well, the explanation,
>though fairly simple, is also very
>scientific!"
<snip>
> "As you can see, we have many otaku
>represented here, on a scale of -10 to
>+10 in cute terms. Also, the otaku cute
>levels often vary noticibly depending
>on the situation."
> "Oh?" asked X, slamming back his Mountain
>Dew and licking all the tasty paste off
>the back of the large gold star, "How is
>that?"
Whilst wondering, "Why am I acting so OOC??" The voice in the back of
his mind replies, "Because Belial's writing this part. Just play
along." "Oh... hey," he turns around... to see nothing.
Belial smacks X with the katana/pointing stick. "Pay attention, lad!"
Prof. Belial continues his lecture.
> "Well, let's take Jet Wolf for example-"
>Belial begins.
> "Let's not!" shouts JW, only to discover
>she's already hovering overhead on the line
>graph.
<snip>
> "Oh!" exclaimed Jet Wolf somewhat cutely.
>"Please get me down before I hurt you!"
> "Back down to a four."
> "So what does all this mean Prof?" asked
>X, tearing the fuku off after he discovered
>his normal clothes were underneath.
> "Well, now that you understand how the
>graph works, understand that everything has
>an extreme in either case. I would come in
>at The negative 10, simply because I'm the
>antithesis of cute for reasons too numerous
>and occasionally too disturbing to list.
>Chibi-chibi on the other hand..." an even
>*more* SD than normally Chibi-chibi appeared
>with a loud BING! noise at positive 10 side,
>"is at the opposite end of The spectrum."
A moment of insight later, X asks, "Is this scale based on 'absolute
cuteness', or is this influenced by any outside forces. Say the fact
you're writing this, for instance."
<SMACK!!> goes the teaching instrument across the helmet, again.
"Yes, it's based on absolute cuteness!"
"Then what's the 'cuteness factor' for your beloved Ami-chan??"
"Er.. That's not important. Just pay attention, _student_."
X says, "No, wait. It does, in a Wierd sort of way. What it means is
that since they're attracted to each other so strongly, they cancel
each other's 'Kawaii Field' out [Belial's being strongly kawaiikune,
Chibi-Chibi's being kawaii]. Probably one of the tenants of Anime
Physics. Though I don't see why Belial won't get attached to the kid
in more ways than one the way she's hanging all over him." RMX can't
help but laugh at this. [Note: Let it be known that I'll laugh at
something funny while impending doom is descending upon me. Such is
the case at this moment. <grin>]
> Whipping his arm out of a deep pocket, he
>tore back the sleeve, revealing Chibi-chibi
>to be clutching his arm with her arms and
>legs wrapped fiercely about it. She beamed
>at Jet Wolf and declared "Chibi!" causing
>JW to flinch backwards and cover her face.
> "I warned you!" Belial shouted, "This thing's
>loaded for bear!"
> "Hey!" a SD Ultrace suddenly shouted, running
>on stage, "If she's facing away from you on
>your arm, isn't that giving you a constant
>panty/fuku shot?"
> "I made her wear pants beforehand." Belial
>replied. "Trust you to think of a hentai
>thing to say."
> "Huh... Osh-Kosh-B-Gosh... is there
>anything they can't do?" Ultrace exclaims,
>before retreating offscreen to plan more
>hentai plans. ;)
"Hey, doesn't it take a hentai to know a hentai??" X asks
"Shaddap, wiseass!" Belial responds, beating X again with the
Katana/Pointing Stick.
<snip>
> "I believe she's back to normal." announced
>Belial, "And I think before she can pummel
>me, it's time to go back to the story."
> SD scene fades as Jet Wolf begins to rush
>Belial... ;)
With X wondering how the hell his character got written like Ultrace's
ususally is...
<snip>
"Don't worry, it's almost over... Now I know how others feel when _I_
write their stories," RMX thinks.
<snip>
> "Riiiiight..." mutters Belial, finally prying
>a wildly giggling Chibi's hands out of his hair,
>losing a few blue hairs in the process. "Anyway,
>now that that's over, I'm here for the bottle."
> "NANI!!!???" shrieked Jet Wolf. "MY BASE??!!"
> "No, my bottle. I paid the deposit on it, it's
>mine. By law. The Diet Coke was a gift, but I
>need to return the bottle for my deposit. Hey,
>it's $500 bucks! What do you want me to do?"
> "Er..." Jet Wolf protests, thinking quickly,
>"What if I pay you $500 for the deposit and
>you go away and take Chibi-chibi with you?"
> "Sorry, but every ten bottles I bring back
>I get free re-fills."
"Guess this counts as a level 20 emergency: Repossession of the Base,"
X says, to no one in particular.
> "But... but..." Jet Wolf's eyes begin shining
>brightly, "But It's My BAAAAAASE!!!" she begins
>to bawl as Belial grabs the base of the Diet
>Coke Bottle From Hell (tm) and rips it out of
>the foundations straight up, leaving a completely
>exposed mass of floors and inner walls. The
>Door That Ought Never To Be Opened unfortunately
>has no walls to accompany it, and all the trolls
>and polls escape to wreak havoc in the nearby
>area while the other Reichanians rush to kill
>them off.
<snip>
> "It's not fair!" wails Jet Wolf, "That base
>was so cool! And now we have to get all new
>walls and everything!"
> "Hey, at least it won't smell like Diet Coke
>no matter where you go anymore!" supplied X,
>trying to be helpful.
> "THAT WAS THE BEST PART YOU IDIOT!!" shrieked
>the now focused Jet Wolf, chasing after a
>belated X.
> Sighing, one of the lieutants of the
>Reichanians turned to another and stated "Better
>go get all the POWs again. She's gonna have
>us working doubletime."
"Hold it!!" X says. Now that "His Royal Wierdness"'s 'Kawaiikune
Field' is out of range, the characters revert to their typical selves.
"Looks like we're gonna have to get the stupid thing _back_ now," X
mutters. "We need a plan...."
X goes deep into thought; the current scene fades out.
Only to be replaced by that of a classroom [*1]. It looks like a
normal classroom, full of desks, only one of which is occupied. In
front stands a full sized X, in the same clothes. The desk is
occupied by a younger RMX, wearing Ryouga Hibiki-style clothing.
"Dammit! Gimme some normal clothes!" Student-X yells at Teacher-X,
slapping him around. Student-X's clothes change into blue jeans, and
a "I helped Belial Take Over the World And All I Got Was This Crappy
T-shirt" T-shirt.
"Now," Teacher-X starts, "recalling the information we acquired from
Belial's lecture, the Anime Physics Law of Kawaiiness states that
'Kawaii Fields of opposite natures, when rated at maximum, cancel each
other out'. Extrapolating from this, one can say that _anyone_ that
has a Kawaiikune Field rating of 10 is immune to Chibi-Chibi. Since
cuteness is based on looks and actions, what can we draw from this?"
"We can assume that Belial must be butt-ugly and a major jerk to get
that rating." Student-X replies.
Teacher-X yells "Lekka Shien!" and toasts Student-X with his paper
fan. Blackened, Student-X says, "Then again... maybe not." He then
reverts to his regular clothes.
"Possibly... but what we _can_ say is that anyone that can
successfully imitate Belial's actions and appearance, unorthodox and
just plain wierd as they may seem, can generate a Kawaiikune field
strong enough to block Chibi-Chibi's Kawaii field. Or if someone does
something to warrant a 10 on the Kawaiikune Scale. The opposite can
be true. Anyone as cute as Chibi-Chibi will not be affected by her
_or_ Belial's Fields. With Chibi-Chibi out of the picture, we still
have Belial to contend with, to get the Diet Coke Bottle From Hell
(tm) back. Any suggestions?"
"Strike Chain!" Student-X replies
"Strike Chain..." Teacher-X mulls it over in his mind, bringing up an
old Law he'd figured out a while back. "Yes, it _just_ might work!
THEY always have Kawaiikune Fields of 10. Belial has a Kawaiikune
Field strength of 10. Very good suggestion, indeed!" Teacher-X smiles
(knowing that he didn't finish the conclusion vocally)... and the
scene fades.
"X! Snap out of it!!!" J.W. shakes RMX rapidly, bringing him out of
his daze.
"Alright! S-stop sh--shaking me! I have a plan."
TBC....
RockMan X
*1 (from previous note): Apologies to the author of the Ranma Fanfic
that I ripped this daydream convention off of.
rds...@pipeline.com (RockMan X) wrote:
>"X! Snap out of it!!!" J.W. shakes RMX rapidly, bringing him out of
>his daze.
>"Alright! S-stop sh--shaking me! I have a plan."
The scene switches back to Belial, still carrying the DCBFH (tm).
With Chibi-Chibi hugging his arm, he runs through the plushie yelling,
in his best Happousai voice, "What a haul! What a haul!! $500 _and_
a free refill!"
On his arm, Chibi-Chibi sings the Ranma First Season song:
"Chibi-bi
Chibi-bi
Chibi-chibi-chi;
Chibi-chi
Chibi-chi
Chibi-Chibi-Bi!"
... very cutely, of course.
They arrive at the recycling center, where Belial, alone, gets the
deposit back, and gets the Bottle refilled. Dragging the bottle out
of the Center, Chibi-Chibi releases her hold on the tree Belial had
left her next to, and glomps happily on his leg.
Belial sighs the sigh of Those Who Just Got Glomped By Someone They
Didn't Want Glomping Them, and continues onward.
From out of some plushie bushes, a red chain with a clamp at the end
zooms towards Belial. Putting down the DCBFH(tm), he pulls out his
katana and swings at the chain, knocking it off course, and onto the
ground. It retreats back into the bushes, only to again attack
Belial. Already tiring of beating back a chain, he swats it with a
great deal of force, knocking it into a conviently placed statue of
Hino Rei. The statue crumbles, and the chain again retreats into the
bushes.
Belial hmmms. Good thing Jet Wolf wasn't around or...
"NANI???!?!? You _dare_ to destroy a statue of the Goddess That Is
Rei??!" Jet Wolf stomps out of the plushie forest, seeing Belial with
the katana, and the statue in ruins, seething.
In an attempt to console the raging JW, Chibi-Chibi glomps on her
(JW's) leg. This has no effect, whatsoever. Jet Wolf gives her
"child-withering" stare, and pulls Chibi-Chibi off of her leg, tossing
her back to Belial.
RMX climbs out of the bushes, with a strange-looking gauntlet on his
right wrist. "You might want to know why Nikki didn't change, ne?"
Belial's reply consisted of holding Chibi-Chibi close to X and an evil
glare. "Yes, an explanation _might_ be in order here."
Resisting the strange urge to jump behind Jet Wolf, X gives a lecture
concerning his interpretation of the Anime Physics Law of Kawaii
Fields.
"You stated that an insult to a mildly irritated Nikki rates her at a
Kawaii level of -7, or a Kawaiikune level of 7, whatever. In this
case, Nikki was already irritated [by the taking of the DCBFH (tm)],
and a Rei statue has been demolished. Add to that the Temporal
Displacement Field she still has [back when her pants partially
changed colors, that's all that happened upon contact], and she gets,
more or less, an equal rating as you." X smiles.
"Yeah, but... _I_ have the Bottle. And _you're_ not immune to _her_
<points at Chibi-Chibi> Kawaii Field."
"Another point to bring up. That chain," he points to the gauntlet,
"you parried is my Strike Chain. Especially effective against those
with Kawaiikune Field strengths of 10." RMX states.
The Chain shoots from the gauntlet, which gets parried yet again by
Belial's katana. With yet _another_ attempt, the Chain wraps itself
around the katana and yanks it out of Belial's grasp. It then
proceeds to wrap itself around Belial... when X, for some reason or
other, recalls a quote, "There _are_ alternatives to fighting."
Recoiling the Chain from the mass of Diet Coke Bottles that had taken
Belial's place, he thought of a different approach. Before Belial
swipes at RMX with the katana, everything stops.
"Wait a minute. That Coke Bottle is _mine_! You don't have any
claim to it, so why are you fighting ME over it?? All I wanted to do
was have a laugh at Nikki's expense, and you think you _own_ it?? I'm
lucky I even _got_ my deposit back, with all that debris and crap in
it!!" Belial rages at RMX.
"Well... yeah. We did kinda assume it was _ours_ since you decided
not to reclaim it right then and there. Hell, keep the damn thing, we
can just build our own." X replies, feeling like crap after being
verbally dressed down by Belial.
Meanwhile, Jet Wolf was more or less enjoying the opportunity to pay
Chibi-Chibi back for messing up her pants. Noticing the lack of
fighting, she inquires, "What's going on?? What's wrong with the
plan??"
"I thought of a different, easier, and better one." X replied, "I'll
explain it on the way."
With that Jet Wolf and RMX leave the battle site, and Belial continues
to drag the refilled DCBFH (tm) back to his Goddess Ami-chan, with
Chibi-Chibi in tow (safely attached to his mohawk). "Good," Belial
thought, "I didn't want to have to slaughter him right now anyway."
<One hour later>
Reconstruction is beginning at the former site of the Diet Coke Bottle
From Hell (tm). The appearance wasn't changed from the original Diet
Coke Bottle shape. Especially since the floors were shaped to fit a
Bottle's shape. The Diet Coke reservoirs were being refilled with
Diet Coke supplied from a caravan of trucks.
"Taking over the Recycling Center _was_ easier, wasn't it?" X said.
"Un. Though I wish we'd thought of it sooner; I could've used an
addition to my office; and the unlimited supply of Diet Coke is a
bonus." she grins. She changes expressions suddenly, "But you didn't
have to demolish a statue of Rei _and_ get me rated as kawaii as
Belial in the process, you _jerk_!", and smacks him almost out of his
helmet.
-RockMan X
*ouch*
Jonna Eggl
In <19970204030...@ladder01.news.aol.com> lunet...@aol.com
(Lunette339) writes:
>Jeddite wrote:
>
>>> "Who dares to take on Sailor Jewel, Sailor of immortality
and
>>> destruction?" She looked at her little minions of armies, ready to
>>> attack her.
>>>
>>> "I do!" a zombified, Ami fanboy ran up to Sailor Jewel. "Anything
>for >my...ahhhh!". He was "ashified" by...something powerful that
Sailor
>Jewel did to him.
>Jessica
>>Rabbit and Jeddite. "The senshi always win against evil!".
>> "Yeah..." Jeddite agreed, "so we're superdeformed, ultra kawaii
>and
>>have pink hair....we can still win!".
>> "Right," Sailor Jessica Rabbit added, pulling out a laminated,
>Sailor
>>Jupiter prism card she had purchased earlier for a mere $30.00,
>
from
>far away.
>
>> "No," Jeddite hissed, "for Hotaru-chan!".
>> "For Setsuna-chan-san-sama!" SuperSteve insisted.
>> "Mako-chan!" Sailor JS spat.
>> "The Inner Senshi are lame!" Super Steve replied. "We'll never
win
>with
>>them!".
punches coming from nowhere promptly knocked Super Steve and Jeddite on
their backsides. They were thrown by a short girl in a sailor collared
sweater who wore her absolutely most favorite pair of Mako-chan Rose
earrings. In one hand she also held a large flag pole (special green &
pink rose flag on it (tm.)) brandished like a staff. "In the name of
Jupiter, I the super-lurker, Sailor Jonna...HAVE PUNISHED YOU!" Sailor
Jonna surveyed the prone pair and their twin massive sweatdrops with
interest. "Well it's not like YOU two were making a cheesy speech.
You were fair game!" She turned from the enemy. "Hey Sailor Jessica
Rabbit," she yelled. "We Mako-chanian's can kick whomp these two
without even transforming...Let's do it!" She raised the flag pole
over Super Steve's head and swung it down sharply...
>
>
>Will anyone save Sailor Jessica?
>Find out next time on Otaku Wars!
>
>- Sailor Jessica Rabbit
>
Sailor Jonna, the super-lurker...
Rubeius
Jet Wolf wrote:
> -=Jet Wolf
> Who had a lot more she wanted to do with this section, but
> is determined to get it up before she tries to sleep.
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."
As Jet Wolf hits the pillow (literally; you've got to watch these
Jupiter fans ;) before going to sleep, she wonders if she'll have any
dreams. Meanwhile, the many gallons of ingested Diet Coke, having laced
her body with alarming quantites of caffeine and sugar which tend to
produce nightmares which is one of the resons she only gets a few hours
of sleep each night, are doing their work...
Jet Wolf finds herself under a tree in a clearing in the countryside in
the late afternoon. Normally she would be extremely bored, but next to
her are a TV connected to a LD player and a large box containing several
LDs. She finds that the TV and LD player are drawing their power from
the tree itself. "How can that be?" she muses, only to jump back in
horror when she realizes that the tree is able to power the electronics
only by drawing power itself... From HER! It is a doom tree! As she
backs away, the TV grows dim. As she gets close again it begins to glow
again.
"This will never do; I want to watch these LDs without getting all my
energy drained. Obviously this was a trap set by someone who knows my
interests..."
In the distance a figure quietly observes the scene...
Meanwhile a small girl has walked up to Jet Wolf. She is totally kawaii
and of course Jet Wolf is repelled ;-) But she dare not make her egress
up the tree lest it drain all her energy. "Damn, whomever set this trap
knew what they were doing" she thought to herself while thinking of
where to run; "how does she know my secret identity?"
"Ni-ki" the small girl said to Jet Wolf and looked up with a beaming
smile. Jet Wolf recoiled a bit; "How does she know my name?" she
thought, wondering what sort of abomination she really was. "Ni-ki!"
the young girl repeated louder as she raised her arms to hug the
imposing Jet Wolf. Not knowing exactly what to do, Jet Wolf took a big
step back. The little girl looked confused for a moment but then
thought that this was a game and with arms streched wide ran towards Jet
Wolf as fast as her little legs could take her. Sensing that she should
make a quick escape Jet Wolf tried to take another step backwards, but
accidentally tripped over a rock, allowing the little one to hug her at
neck level.
"Ack! I'm choking!" she said, pulling the little one off her, who
continued to smile with all the love in her heart. "What am I going to
do with you?" The little girl grew pensive and said "Home" which both
confused and annoyed Jet Wolf: "I don't know where you live". "Home"
the little girl repeated again.
With a sigh, Jet Wolf stood up and looked around. It was getting late
and she knew they had to leave. But to where? The little girl pointed
to the setting sun and repeated "Home". To which Jet Wolf replied
"alright, at least one of us knows which way to go".
In the distance the quiet figure, unnoticed, laughs quietly in
amusement...
[time passes]
The two are walking west, but the sun has already set. The moon, full
and brilliant has emerged to illuminate the scene. As they walk, Jet
Wolf, clad in a trenchcoat designed to withstand the snowdrifts of
Louisiana observes the little girl and wonders about her; who is she?
What is her name? Where does she live? She tries to ask her these
questions, but is only replied to with a questioning look. Jet Wolf
notices the girl is getting tired. Soon it becomes obvious that she has
gotten a lot more exercise than she is used to. Knowing that she will
be unable to walk much further, Jet Wolf makes the decision that they
will either have to find a place to rest or she will have to carry the
young girl, to which Jet Wolf shudders over the thought of the kawaii
scene. Just then she notices a small building to the north, surrounded
by trees. A faint light is eminating from one of the windows. "Hey,
there's someone else here!" Jet Wolf remarks and begins to head towards
the house.
Meanwhile, inside the house, a solitary figure, reading a book, peers
out into the night and observes two figures illuminated by moonlight
heading in his direction. "Finally; its about time" he whispers to
himself and then proceeds to turn off the light.
Jet Wolf, only a few hundred feet from the house notices the light go
out; "I hope they haven't gone to sleep" she says. Approaching the door
Jet Wolf tries the bell which echoes inside, but there is no answer.
She tries again with the same effect, but before she is about to ring a
third time, she notices a little envelope the girl is holding up to
her. She takes it and looks at it; it is addressed to
"jet...@ix.netcom.com" but the return address is all smudged. "Hmm.
This is for me. I wonder what's inside"
The letter reads:
"Hi!
Just had a bit of free time; hope to hear from you soon.
BTW, the door is open..."
Jet Wolf wonders who wrote the cryptic message, but tries the door; it
IS open. As she enters, she sees a room full of bookcases, brimming
with all manner of books. On the walls, pictures in elaborate frames
depict various classical scenes. And yet, in the midst of all this, is
a computer. The young girl, looking very happy, has found a small book
called "Sailor Moon: Friends and Foes" and, holding it up to Jet Wolf,
askes "Ni-ki please read me". "Sorry, I can't now" she says, turning on
a halogen lamp, "I have to see if anyone is here". The young girl, a
bit disappointed, but none the less understanding proceeds to look at
the pictures. "Hello? Is anyone here?" Jet Wolf says in a loud voice.
An echo coldy replies "Here". Wondering what is going on, she takes the
little girl by the arm and proceeds to search the house. More and more
rooms filled with books and curios from all over, but none with a
computer like in the first; she decides to go back and try it. As it
boots, she is greeted by the Sailor Moon Stars theme which the little
girl becomes all excited about and begins to try and sing, karaoke style
(and very kawaii) much to the chagrin of Jet Wolf. Finally, a screen
loads up and it asks a question:
"What is something that should not be told?"
Jet Wolf pauses a few seconds and types in:
"Belial's secret identity"
The prompt then demands:
"What is something you should not be told?"
Jet Wolf types in:
"STARS SPOILERS"
The computer then begins to hum and on the screen a large arrow points
to the right. As Jet Wolf looks that way, a panel in the wall slides
open revealing a secret passage. "Oh wow, just like in Clue!" she
exclaims, only to look around and check to make sure she didn't embarass
herself in front of anyone. Only the little girl is there, happily
reading through the book. "C'mon let's figure this mystery out!"
Meanwhile, unnoticed, the two are observed...
"Perfect"
As Jet Wolf and the little girl make their way through the corridor
between the walls, they come upon a really big door not unlike the one
Setsuna has a key to. As they open it, they find themselves in the
darkened throne room of a castle. On the throne sits a man, dressed in
a black, who stands as they enter. The little girl looks on, unafraid,
while Jet Wolf stands in front of the small girl to protect her from
whomever this might be.
"Hello Nikki, its been a while."
Taken off guard by the statement, she confusedly looks at the man and
asks him "Do I KNOW you?" to which he replies "Of course you do; I am
the Spoiler King. I know all that is sought. I have brought you here
because you have steadfastly opposed my presents." "Presents? What
presents?" Jet Wolf asks, half expecting to be frightened and half
expecting a big package... "Why, spoilers of course" the Spoiler King
replied, to which Jet Wolf became a bit disappointed; "Oh, is THAT all"
she thought to herself. The King continued: "my disciples have tried to
give you them, but you refused" Now I have brought you here to give you
them myself. "Huh? NO!!!" Jet Wolf yelled; "I don't want any Stars
spoilers! I want to actually see the eps; of course" her agitation
breaking into a smile "if you HAVE the eps, I'd be happy to see
them...". "Alas" the Spoiler King sadly replied, "I do not. I have the
ability to see aspects of the future, but not the whole; I know what may
or must, but for the full measure of knowledge you must wait. In the
mean time, however" the Spoiler King now smiling himself "I have brought
you other spoilers which you might be more preferential to. You see the
young girl next to you? Do you know who she is?"
Upon glancing at the girl, Jet Wolf's mind (being much quicker than
Usagi's ;-) pieced together the puzzle and immediately deduced it, but
she was unable to bring herself to say it. Seeing the doubt in her
eyes, the Spoiler King said "Yes, she is your daughter." To which Jet
Wolf began to blush and then got a bit mad and (quite unknowingly ;)
began to quote Rei-chan "What year, what month, what day did THIS
happen?!?" To which the Spoiler King replied "In the future; it was
seen by one of my advisors" Flabbergasted she again looked down at the
brown haired girl who repeated her earlier request "Ni-ki read me" at
which Nikki angrily demanded "WHERE IS MIKE?!?"
At that, Jet Wolf woke up. "What a nightmare" she thought to herself as
she got up and realised she had been perspiring quite profusely. She
noticed this and decided to get something to drink. In the fridge was a
can of Diet Coke, but before she opened it, she wondered about her
dream. Checking her e-mail she recieved the normal fare, which included
a personal one from a friend who wrote, among other things:
"Just had a bit of free time; hope to hear from you soon"
At which a shiver went up her back as she wondered "that WAS just a bad
dream, right?"
---
-=Rubeius
Face it you're no match for the power of the Negamoon;
I've seen the future and you're not in it!
Jet Wolf
RockMan X wrote:
> She changes expressions suddenly, "But you didn't have to demolish a
> statue of Rei _and_ get me rated as kawaii as Belial in the process,
> you _jerk_!", and smacks him almost out of his helmet.
'Yes, I can't imagine where I would get the idea that this charmingly
demure sweet thing could be as uncute as Belial,' X thought while Jet
Wolf continued to pummel him with whatever was handy and scream about the
glory of All Things Rei.
An hour later, X woke up in the infirmary. First checking to make sure
that whatever anime shirt he happened to be wearing at the time was
undamaged, he put his helmet back on and walked into Jet Wolf's office.
"Ahh, X, finally woke up, I see," said Jet Wolf, attaching some wires to
a camcorder that was set up on her desk.
"Yeah," X replied, rubbing the back of his helmet. "Got a killer
headache, though. What happened?"
"Er. You fell." Jet Wolf brushed ineffectively at the sweat drop she
had developed. Luckily, X was checking out the newly remodeled office
and didn't notice.
"Say, I like what you've done with the place!" He wandered over to Jet
Wolf's desk to see what she was working on. "What's all this?"
The camcorder was pointing at a little diarama-type set. The walls were
blue and covered with various Sailor Mercury and Ami-chan stickers. In
the middle of the set sat the Warthog-P, not looking the least bit happy
with the recent turn of events.
Jet Wolf rechecked the connections and stood up. "THIS," she said
triumphantly, placing a hand on the camcorder, "is the first
implementation of the Cunning Plan."
X nodded, but looked confused. He was sure that he and Jet Wolf had
discussed this earlier.... Why couldn't he remember?
Correctly reading the expression on his face, Jet Wolf tried to reassure
her partner. "For exposition purposes, you won't remember right now.
But don't worry, it'll all come back to you after I'm done."
"ANYway," she said, getting excited again, "the camera here is set to
beam a direct signal to the Minakonian flagship. Warthog here," Jet Wolf
paused to grin evilly at the little plushie, "is Minako's chief
supporter, what with Nightman being out of the picture for the moment.
No doubt, she's become concerned by his lack of communication with her."
'If she can think that much, that is,' Jet Wolf ammended to herself.
"So what you're doing here is--" A whack to the head halted X's attempt
to join in the narrative.
"Don't interrupt me when I'm telling about my plan, boy."
X was going to say that he'd helped come up with it too, but thought it
would be healthier to just remain silent for now.
"So what we're doing here," Jet Wolf continued, "is making it appear to
Minako that the Amichanians have kidnapped her avatar!"
"Won't they be able to trace the signal to us?"
"Nah, I thought of that already, so I did some nifty electronics stuff to
make them think that its coming from the Amichanian camps."
X peered intently at the set. One of the Ami stickers fell off, bringing
some blue paint with it to reveal the cardboard underneath. Jet Wolf
quickly taped the sticker back in place.
"This is kinda cheap, don't you think?" X asked.
Jet Wolf shrugged. "It's only Minako."
"Good point."
Grabbing a microphone, Jet Wolf moved behind the camera and rechecked the
shot. "Now, what I'll need you to do is to lie down under the set. See
that hole in the floor behind the Warthog-P? Right. Put your hand
through that. You'll be able to move the plushie around a bit, thereby
making it more lifelike."
X did like he was told, the rest of the plan slowly coming back to him.
Not for the first time since he joined this thread did he wonder just
what possessed him to team up with Jet Wolf.
"You ready?" Jet Wolf asked. Warthog-P was forced to nod its head.
"Then here we go...."
*****
"My Goddess!" a Minakonian ensign cried, before he was bonked in the back
of the head by a volleyball.
"Whoops! Sorry about that," a lilting voice sang.
The ensign dug his forehead out of the control panel in front of him and
spat out a few teeth. "My pleasure. I'm delighted that I was able to
prevent any serious injury to your equipment."
"Teehee!" Minako teeheed, stepping forward and pecking the ensign on the
cheek. "You're so sweet."
Several minutes later, the ensign came to, only to find that Artemis had
attached himself rather viciously to the flesh of his arm. Noting that
the man's eyes had returned to normal (as opposed to the giant hearts
that they had become) Artemis let go. "You really have to quit doing
that to them, you know," he chastised Minako. She didn't hear him,
however. She was busy practicing her "flying somersault reception"
against the crew. Bodies littered the bridge, each wearing a happy
smile, delighted to have served their mistress.
Artemis decided it was best not to try to attract Minako's attention at
the moment, for fear of being gravely injured, so he instead turned to
the ensign (who was busily trying to stop the bleeding of his arm and to
pop his forehead back into shape).
"What do you have to report?"
"We're receiving an transmission from the battle, sir, coming in from the
Amichanian camps!"
"On screen!"
The ensign pushed a button, and the viewscreen in front of them was
suddenly filled with a plushie and exremely angry-looking, Warthog.
"He looks different somehow..." Artemis began.
"EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Minako squealed in a ear drum shreading, yet cute, way.
"Captain Warthog, you're ADORABLE!!"
The Warthog-P bowed slightly and began to speak.
"Ah! My Goddess!(*1) You have to help me!" 'Warthog' said, waving his
little plushie arms around.
Artemis cocked his head and furrowed his brow in concentration. "I've
*heard* that voice somewhere else before...."
"It's tragic, horrible, not-at-all good! The Kawaii Buster has been
turned against me and I've been kidnapped by the Amichanians!"
Minako brought her hands to her mouth, an apalled look spreading across
her face. "Oh no!"
"They make me watch Ami-oriented episodes all day!" 'Warthog-P' cried,
burying his plushie face into plushie hands. "I've been forced to sit
through 'Ami-chan no Hatsukoi' over 150 times!"
Minako was able to do little more than gasp at this horror, this
affrontary to her cherished Warthog.
"I... I think I'm beginning to crack up, My Goddess. I don't know how
much longer I can hold out. I've been begging -- PLEADING with them to
let me watch 'Nurse Minako', or even just the carrot-cutting scene... BUT
THEY HAVE NO MERCY!!!" Warthog-P suddenly lunged at the camera. "You've
got to save me. I just can't take another viewing of 'Sailor Mercury
Moving On'!"
Suddenly the sound of marching feet could be heard from off-camera. The
Warthog-P's head jerked from side to side anxiously. "I think they've
found me, I have to go."
Minako stared at the screen intently, her back straightening and hands
balling into fists at her sides. "Have no fear, my brave Warthog," her
eyes looking determined and getting that glint that tends to indicate
that several things will be destroyed soon. "I, Aino Minako, the Goddess
of Love will save you!!" She finished by striking a pose, fingers raised
in a V-for-victory.
"Oh, thank you, My Goddess!" 'Warthog-P' cried gratefully. He turned to
go, but then looked into the camera again. "One last thing."
Minako dropped her pose and looked questioningly at the Captain.
"If you, uh, should happen to hear from ... Oh, I dunno, another version
of me at some later point. Well, it's not me. Yeah. See, these
Amichanians have been working on cloning techniques, and I think they've
got another me running around somewhere. So, well, don't believe
anything that other me tells you."
The blonde nodded gravely. "I understand. Thank you for warning me,
Warthog. Soon you'll be home with us, where things are cute and only
slightly dangerous."
Warthog-P bowed once again and the transmission stopped.
"Artemis!" Minako cried. "Get the preparations underway for a full
assault on the Amichanians!"
The white cat nodded and went to start ordering people around again, but
his mind was still unsure that everything was kosher.....
*****
Back in Jet Wolf's office, the duo were cheering and patting each other
on the back for the successful completion of the Cunning Plan - Phase I.
"Hey, how'd you get those marching feet, anyway?" X asked.
Jet Wolf grabbed a hand help tape recorder and showed X the tape inside
labeled "Sound Effects for Carrying Out War-Time Espionage Volume 5".
Then she settled down into the Comfy Chair and turned the Wall of
Monitors back on. "Yep yep yep," she sighed, doing her Darkwing Duck
impression. "It's only a matter of time before the Amichanians and the
Minakonians face off."
X was thinking about their performance and he looked at Jet Wolf. "You
kinda fumbled a bit at the end there, didn't you?"
"Yeah, well, the other stuff was pretty much scripted, I added the stuff
about a clone in just for some insurance at the last minute. I never was
very good with improv." Jet Wolf tossed the remote control onto the desk
and stood up again. "Now then, my dear X, we have to start getting ready
for the Cunning Plan - Phase II."
"Aw man, I HATE the Cunning Plan - Phase II."
Jet Wolf nodded in mock sympathy and started to lead X out of her office.
She stopped half way out the door and went back to her desk to retrieve
the Warthog-P.
"What are you gonna do with him?" X asked.
"I don't really know," Jet Wolf admitted. "We have no more use for him.
And I'd keep him in the office, but he really clashes with my decor."
"Put him outside and let him take his chances?"
Jet Wolf considered this and then finally nodded her assent. "Yes, that
probably would be the best thing." She walked over to a picture on her
wall of Rei and Usagi tongue-fighting and pushed it aside to reveal A
Button. Jet Wolf pushed The Button and a loud grinding noise echoed
throughout the complex. Before long, a compartment opened up off to the
side of The Button.
"Well, Warthog," she said, holding up the plushie so that they could be
eye-to-eye. "It's been fun. I thank you for the chance to use you in
such a demeaning and manipulative fashion. Have a nice trip."(*2)
With that, she dropped the Warthog-P into the compartment and kicked it
shut. This triggered the firing mechanism, and Warthog was ejected from
the NEW Diet Coke Bottle From Hell (tm) at high velocity.
"Just as well he's plushie, the fall won't hurt him too much."
X looked over at Jet Wolf, a bit distressed. "I was really only kidding,
you know. It's dangerous to let him run around out there. He knows what
we've done."
Jet Wolf walked over to her partner and draped her hand across his
shoulder. X began to panic and tried to run away, but Jet Wolf held him
tight. "My dear DEAR X. I wouldn't dream of ruining the War for
Warthog. You must admit, he's somewhat limited in what he can do while in
Plushie form. And while I can't, with a clear conscience, restore him
myself, I CAN give him the opportunity to find a way back to normal Out
There. Besides," she added with the child-withering grin, "I'm curious
to see what he'll do next. And since I was so clever as to add in the
bit about the clone <X rolled his eyes>, we should be safe. Understand?"
X remained dubious, but decided that he hadn't liked the infirmary when
he was there briefly (Rei-chan may be a Goddess, but her healing methods
are downright scary), so he nodded and afixed a huge grin in place.
"Great! Now then, as I was saying, time for the Cunning Plan - Phase
II." Jet Wolf steered X towards the door, keeping a firm grip on his
shirt so he couldn't run away.
"Man, I should've gone with Saturn after all," X muttered under his
breath.
"I HEARD that."
TBC. Of that, there can be no doubt.
-=Jet Wolf
Who DOES plan to finish the duel with the Hindu,
she's just really busy right now. ^_^
-= Footnotes =-
(*1) The use of "Ah! My Goddess!" freely attributed to RockMan X himself.
That was his idea, I doubt I would've thought of it myself.
(*2) Seriously, thanks to Frank Barr for being such a good sport and
giving us a 24-hour grace period to actually use him. You're a doll,
Frank. <snickering at horrible pun>
--
===================================================================
Jet...@ix.netcom.com -=- "Confuse, annoy, and DEE-STROY!"
** http://www.netcom.com/~jetwolf/slrmoon.html **
** for the Sailor Moon Fandub Homepage! **
-= Random Quote Du Jour =-
"Don't you love the smell of C-4 in the morning?"
"I gotta get you into therapy!"
===================================================================
Jet Wolf
-HUGE snip-
<laughing> Okay, okay, point made, Conrad. I'll get on mail to you
next..grin
-=Jet Wolf
Couldn't just say "Hey! You're neglecting me!"
Oh no, he has to write up this thing for it... ^_-