[OW!] 'M' stands for 'Mercury'. . . .
Austin Watkins
(WARNING! ASCII art included.)
(best viewed in a single-width type font such as Courier)
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silence . . . until -- _._
_x/#*#\x_
CIRCLE-COLORED BULLS-EYE! .@/~ ~\@.
BEATING ON THE TOM-TOMS! (M( (@) )M)
GAUDY PAINTED FACEMASK! `@\. ./@'
RUSTLE IN THE SCRUBBRUSH! ~?\$x$/?~
~^~
[An unseen chorus begins to chant--]
"GEORGE, . . . , GEORGE, . . . , GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE, . . ."
The bushes part. Out steps a primal figure needing primal education.
Belial shrugs and turns to introduce himself. Observing the newcomer's
hair color he quips, "Lord Greybloke, I presume???"
"Me, . . . GEORGE!"
"Nice loincloth, 'GEORGE!' When did black leopards start having button-
holes?"
"Is spear hole."
"Nice flower."
"Wild flower. Grow on jungle creeper."
"Excellent. Do you know what a Sailor Senshi is?"
"Uh, . . ." The thinking process takes a while. "No," he decides.
"Fine, just help us with this, will you?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Why we build wooden frame?"
"For the effect on our enemies."
"Who? Poachers?"
"No."
"Gold hunters?"
"No."
"Slave traders?"
"No."
The ape-man looks confused. "GEORGE confused. Who else IS enemy?"
"Other tribes. We are the tribe of Amichanians."
"Where is 'Amichania'? Far away?"
Belial does a face-fault.
"Never mind," he recovers, "just listen: . . . This is a great,
big, flat, wooden letter 'M'. With me so far?"
"Why flat on ground?"
"Easier to build. OK?"
"Birdies learn to read?"
"No, we are going to draw it upright once we get it finished."
"GEORGE understand! THEN you put on roof!"
"No, 'GEORGE', no roof."
"Get rained on."
"Alright, we don't care. We just want to draw their fire."
"M-haters?"
"No, *significance*-haters."
"GEORGE understand! Signs block scenery."
"Close enough. But once we announce that 'M' stands for 'Mercury',
the other tribes are sure to be offended. The Reichanians will try to
insist that 'M' stands for 'Mars', while the Michiruchanians will try
to insist that 'M' stands for 'Michiru', while the Harukachanians will
try to insist that 'M' stands for 'Magnificent', and so on. We'll get
flamed for sure."
Curiously enough, Greg managed to get a word in edgewise: "Don't
forget the Minakochanians!"
"Right as usual, Greg! Thanks a bunch!" Belial retorted.
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[Mercifully skipping a boring scene that shows Shep the elephant/doggie
laboriously hauling the giant letter 'M' upright. . . .]
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The first attack was enough. JetWolf charged forth carrying her
Fire Soul Buster and doused the creaky structure with raging rivulets
of living flame.
The initial conflagration was M-pressive. It drew reporters from the
Monitor, Match, and MTV. They all gathered around the burning pyre to
take notes and pictures, and to do other reporterly things.
As the flames carbonized the lashings, the structure weakened and
collapsed, finally toppling over backwards as it continued to burn.
"We've won," muttered JetWolf, humming to herself. "I've toppled the
M-pyre of Ami fan-boys."
Then she thought a minute more. "I feel in need of a scimitar, right
now, so I can chase some people into the next county. WHAT DO YOU MEAN
'initial conflagration'? That reeks, ya know?"
--
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"Tuxedo George | "Watch" "For" | o_!_o
(Of-The-Jungle)" | "Out" "Chi-Bi!" | /O\
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awat...@teleport.com (Not affiliated therewith.) My views are mine.