[OW!][OAV][Repost] A Superfluously Placed OAV, Episode 1: Choices
Pook!
that's gonna wrap my characters up here for a bit while I'm getting used
to being a Mommy :) This is an In-Continuity OAV, so pardon me if I
borrow you guys' characters once in a while for my own evil purposes, I
promise to give them back in conditions similar to the ones I got them
in...I also haven't had the opportunity to read recent posts as closely
as I'd like, so apologies if I get some stuff wrong like what people
were doing before the OAV started and temporarily interrupting quests
and suchlike.
This Post Concerns: Otaku. Lots of Otaku. Which Otaku they are I'm not
gonna tell you, cause you're just going to have to read it. But rest
assured, it's a lot...
Okay, it's not really a lot in THIS chapter. But just you wait ;)
Previously on the Otaku Wars:
* Pook! has apparently disappeared. By amazing coincidence, shortly
afterwards a new evil minion of Chaos appeared, Corundite, fooling all
the characters but none of the authors (mad props to Korb for figuring
it out first on the IRC channel ;)
* Corundite was challenged to a duel by Gamma, which was turned into a
blatant Iron Chef parody. She is now followed on occasion by Japanese
commentators Ota and Fukui who think that she's still the Iron Chef.
* Chris Waffle, despondent, wandered off in search of Pook! only to be
discovered by Gamma, who is currently in the market for a husband.
* Chaos, who on and off resides in the body of Kane, fell madly in love
with Carp, but then abruptly dumped him for Corundite.
* Nightman has been transformed into the evil dictator El Presidente
Nightman, and there were elections going on to replace him. The Otaku
voters, however, overwhelmingly chose Anarchy instead.
* Sailor Ice Blade, head of the WIB special forces for El Presidente
Nightman, is not only separated from Cape Mike, but is also for some
reason male and calls himself Ice-Kun.
*Chaos is currently inhabiting the body of Kane, whose essence recently
escaped to become Leotard Sanibazaa but was promptly subdued and
replaced in a holding cell in Kane's own mind.
* All around the Otaku World, the holiday of Senshi Day was being
celebrated. All the world's affiliated Otaku were supposed to be in
their bases contemplating their love for their chosen Senshi, or if
their faction didn't have a base, at special rooms set up at the Howard
Johnson's. Unaffiliated Otaku were to be wandering around giving thought
to which Senshi they might eventually pick.
* Other things :)
And now...on with the OAV!
[Special Pook! Opening - to the tune of the Pook! Song, conveniently
located at http://www.strangepaths.com/pook.mp3 for your listening
pleasure :)
We do a quick-zoom in on the Great Otaku Jungle where Sailor Jessica
Rabbit and The Wasserman are skulking around with nets and guns.
Suddenly the Pook! springs from the surrounding foliage! The camera is
knocked to the side, and up comes the title splash...
OTAKU WARS! OAV
A Superfluously Placed OAV -
Episode 1: Choices
As the title fades and the song plays on, we see several scenes...Pook!
Pouncing and Bit-ing a hapless Chris Waffle in the Great Otaku Jungle
for the first time...SJR and The Wasserman hunting the Pook! through the
jungle...Pook! singing Karaoke with Belial...Pook! crouching next to Jet
Wolf in an "Official Jet Wolf Sidekick" T-Shirt...Pook! bounding through
the headquarters of the Dark Moon Family, destroying all in her
path...Pook! and Chris Waffle standing before Chaos and being filled
with Chaos Energy...the transformation of Chris Waffle into Tuxedo
Waffle...Chaos extending his hand to Pook! as she cries out in pain and
her wrist-bracelets slam together...Ultrace examining a glowing mark on
Pook!s body that marks her as an Otaku Seishi...Chris Waffle and Pook!
amid guests, presents and explosions at Pook!s bridal shower...Pook!
"dressed" in lillies and a bridal veil in the arms of Chris Waffle
wearing a tuxedo...Chris Waffle waking up alone in the Pook!a Nest and
looking around forlornly...and a shadowy figure in spiked heels cracking
a whip as ominous laughter echoes in the background...]
Somewhere in the mists of space and time in the center of the universe,
there was a swirling void. There is a prerequisite requirement of at
least one endless swirling void in every universe, and the Otaku
Universe was no exception. This one swirled in crazy, psychadelic
colors and had random objects floating through it...a doll's head with
the hair mostly pulled out...a clock shaped like Elvis with swinging
pendulum legs...a rasberry torte...a large space blaster type weapon...
There was a theory concerning it, that every object that would ever be
needed in the Otakuverse was stored there. It was well known, however,
that it was also a vortex of pure Chaos and its powerful energies could
not contain any kind of living creature without destroying it.
Which is why it was so strange that floating between a "Bob Dole for
President" T-shirt and a collection of oversize sausages cut up to look
like squid on toothpicks there was what seemed to be an unconscious
female figure curled up in a protective glowing golden field of some
kind. It was hard to tell through the distortions in the field's energy,
but it looked like she was wearing little to no clothing and was curled
protectively around something.
But most alarmingly, she seemed to be gradually growing transparent...
[Fussy Baby Waking for a 3am Feeding Scene Switch]
Deep in the heart of the Great Otaku Desert, there was a floating
garden. It was attached to the ground by a rickety old-fashioned iron
elevator, which was currently shuddering to the top. Inside, a shadowy
figure stood in the center. Somehow their tie was visible even in the
strangely deep shadows, glowing with swirled bright colors. As the
elevator rose, the figure inside spoke...
"To protect the world from devistation,
To unite all people within our nation,
To denounce the evils of--"
The elevator passed behind a support for a fraction of a second, and
when it emerged there was suddenly another figure inside. This one was
clearly female, and was leaning against the right side wall with one leg
hitched up behind her for support.
"Umm...Masterrr?" She said hesitantly.
"What!?" The male figure snapped.
"That's the wrrrong speech."
There was silence for a moment, broken only by the rattling of the
elevator's ascent.
"Corundite?"
"Yes Masterrr?"
"What did I tell you about pointing out my mistakes, which I'm not
saying that this was?"
The female figure cringed. "Ummm...that it would be a verrry, verrry bad
idea, Masterrr?"
"Precisely. Do remind me about this when we get to the top. Now then...
If it cannot break out of its shell
The Otaku will die without being born
We are the Otaku
The Otaku World is our egg
If we don't crack the world's shell
We will die without truly being born
Smash the world's shell..."
As the elevator reached the top, the doors were flung open and both
occupants shouted "For the sake of World Revolution!"
"Now then, my dear, first things first..." Kane/Chaos purred, drawing
Corundite close to him. She blinked in surprise as he took her face in
one hand gently...then drew it back...
SMACK!!
He backhanded her with enough force to send her skittering on the
ground.
Deep within the recesses of his own mind, Kane threw down the cards he
was using to play Solitaire. "Hey! HEY! Using my body to hit girls?? You
lousy CREEP!!"
Kane/Chaos' eye twitched slightly as he subdued the prisoner in his
psyche. "Now, on to the business at hand," he said, straightening his
tie. "These facilities are inadequate. Quite inappropriate for staging
our takeover of the Otaku World..."
Corundite drew herself to her feet in a daze as her Master continued to
babble on, one hand to her face. His temper had been growing worse every
day as he gained more and more control over the Otaku whose body he was
currently inhabiting and as his plans were thwarted. Now, most recently,
they had only barely escaped that white-haired freak Farix. And to make
matters worse, her chronic headaches had been getting more frequent. It
was like there was something just on the edges of her consciousness,
scratching and fighting to get in...
"And that's why El Presidente Nightman will be forced to bow to our
will. Wait, read that last bit back to me," K/C finished, turning to
Corundite with an expression of surprise that she could still possibly
be upset.
"Rrread...that back?" Corundite said, puzzled.
"You weren't taking NOTES??" K/C exclaimed. Corundite cringed, but he
just turned away from her and gathered up some documents from the tea
table set up off to one side of the garden. "I swear, sometimes I wonder
why I even bothered to change you in the first place. You seemed so much
less stupid before--"
Corundite stood up straight. "Changed...?" She said softly. How had he
changed her? She had always been just like she was...his faithful
servant...his friend...the only one who truly understood him...
And yet...
Pain lanced through her head just as something brushed on the edges of
her consciousness that might have been a big revelation.
"Oh, pull yourself together," K/C snapped, striding back towards the
elevators with the
documents in hand. "We're going back to the Castle Nocturnae."
"Yes, Masterrr," Corundite muttered, hurrying after him.
From behind the large cork-board set up at the side of the tea table, a
shadow fell.
"Fukui-san?"
"Yes Ota!"
"I think the Iron Chef may be getting in a bit over her head!"
"I'm afraid you're right, Ota..."
[Baby With a Perplexed Expression As She Accidentally Gets One Sleeve
Corner In Her Mouth Scene Switch]
Chris Waffle gazed at himself in the mirror. He was wearing one of the
several outfits that Gamma had bought for him, shaved and showered. A
tear came to the corner of his eye as the light caught the ring hanging
on a chain around his neck.
Where could she have gone? He had personally searched every corner of
the Otaku World and she just plain wasn't there anymore. And more
importantly...
Why did she leave?
His throat tightened as he remembered their wedding day. It had been
with a minimum of fuss and fanfare, without most of the rest of the
Otaku present due to the mayhem caused by her bridal shower. He
remembered waking up every morning in their nest together with her
curled up beside him, making little purring sounds to herself. He
remembered the way she would spring out of nowhere and tackle him to the
ground, only to kiss him on the nose with such affection and such a
gleam of tenderness in her eye.
Had he done something to make her leave? Or had she just gotten tired of
him, as wild animals often do, and moved on?
Had she ever really loved him at all?
He had learned her language as best he could and he THOUGHT she was
telling him she loved him all those times, but what if that wasn't it?
What if "Prroow, prrt Snoog" really meant "Let's just be friends?"
"Daaahling!" Gamma exclaimed, cutting into his reverie. She breezed into
the room, waving a cigarette at the end of a long ivory holder. Even
though she was currently wearing her WiB outfit she had an ermine stole
wrapped around her shoulders. Gamma was the kind of woman who, no matter
what she was wearing, seemed as though she was wearing an evening gown.
"WhatEVER are you doing in the dark here?" She said, flipping on a light
switch. "I bought you all these WONDERFUL clothes and you're standing
here in this GLOOMY room? Clothes like these were MADE to be SHOWN!"
Chris shuffled uncomfortably. "Yeah...you know, I really appreciate you
doing all this for me...I just..."
Gamma took his arm and half dragged him out the door, apparently not
listening. Chris reflected that talking to her was the equivalent of
reasoning with a bullet train.
"Much like a LOVELY LADY, daaahling. Let's say you have a charming,
beautiful female companion. Do you keep her stifled up in a dark room,
my delectible morsel, or do you display her proudly on your arm like a
fine JEWEL?" Gamma said, turning and stopping abruptly so that suddenly
her face was inches from his. She gazed up at him with heavy-lidded eyes
and parted lips.
Chris blinked and gulped, fighting down a wave of panic. A thousand
thoughts raced through his mind all at once. What was he doing? He loved
Pook! But she may not ever be coming back...indeed, she may never have
had real feelings for him at all. And here...here was a beautiful woman
who said such nice things to him. She bought him clothes, and she made
him feel good about himself. And he was so, so very lonely...
He could clearly see the Trousers of Time unfolding in front of him.
Down one leg, there was a life spent alone, in desolation. Living as a
crazed hermit, grabbing scraps from the tables of Otaku who happened to
leave their doors unlocked. Sure, there was a possibility that Pook!
might come back someday, but that prospect was growing dimmer with every
passing minute.
And down the other leg, there was a life spent with someone who might be
a little bossy, who might be a little pretentious, but who was clearly
interested in him. He might not love her, but was there anything wrong
with just wanting a little companionship? And might not feelings come
over time? He would have nice clothes, go to fun parties, and perhaps
even be considered an equal on the level of the other Otaku someday. As
someone who had just been a sidekick in this world, it had always chafed
at him that he was so easily forgotten...
Gamma cleared her throat in a not-so-subtle attempt to remind him that
she was still there.
Chris sighed, closed his eyes, took her face in his hand and made a
choice...
"HAH! Therrre you arrre!!" A much-too-familiar voice suddenly shouted
behind him, albeit in a different language than he was used to.
"POOK!!!!" Chris exclaimed, dropping Gamma to the ground.
TBC!
--Pook! ^_^
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
/-----\ /---\ | | |\ | /---- |---- | | | Have you been Pounced
| | | | | | | \ | | | | | | today? Visit POOK!S PAGE
|-----/ | | | | | \ | | | | | | for Strange Paths, the
| | | | | | \ | | |---- | | | Peek's Page, the old
| | | | | | \ | | | | | | Pook!s Page and other
| \___/ \___/ | \| \____ |____ O O O Pookish things!
Visit a Pook! at
http://www.strangepaths.com
and the Peek at
http://www.strangepaths.com/peek
CAUTION: YOU MAY GET BIT! ARR!
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Adrian Tymes
> "Pook!" wrote:
> >
> [snip]
>
> ACK! ..REPEATS!!! [runs around SD-like] ^_-
WAAAAGH! THE RERUNS HAVE FOUND OW!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! ^_^;
James Helferty
>
[snip]
ACK! ..REPEATS!!! [runs around SD-like] ^_-
James
--
jhel...@chat.carleton.ca
http://chat.carleton.ca/~jhelfert
Meech
>
> James Helferty wrote:
> > "Pook!" wrote:
> > >
> > [snip]
> >
> > ACK! ..REPEATS!!! [runs around SD-like] ^_-
>
Quiet, You. I didn't get to read them the first time. I live on reruns,
for they keep my only mildly backlogged instead of horrendously
backlogged.
Meech the Brown Hornet
Pook!
>
> James Helferty wrote:
> > >
> > [snip]
> >
> > ACK! ..REPEATS!!! [runs around SD-like] ^_-
>
Yes, and after this it'll be reposted again, and then I'll start
randomly posting episodes only not in the original order, and then I'll
fool you into thinking that they're in order again only to skip back to
the beginning two thirds of the way through, and then the Wars will be
mine! MINE! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
--Pook! ^_^ (Temporarily posessed by Chaos...or network excecutives.
Same difference ;)
Adrian Tymes
> Adrian Tymes wrote:
> > James Helferty wrote:
> > > >
> > > [snip]
> > >
> > > ACK! ..REPEATS!!! [runs around SD-like] ^_-
> >
>
> Yes, and after this it'll be reposted again, and then I'll start
> randomly posting episodes only not in the original order, and then I'll
> fool you into thinking that they're in order again only to skip back to
> the beginning two thirds of the way through, and then the Wars will be
> mine! MINE! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
>
> --Pook! ^_^ (Temporarily posessed by Chaos...or network excecutives.
> Same difference ;)
Ano...and people wonder *why* she's a Chaoschanian. ^_^;