Limbaugh Institute Research Update
keba...@msuvx1.memst.edu
everybody a review of some of the research being carried out by the
Limbaugh Institute For Advanced Conservative Studies:
EXHIBIT A.
Subject: Re: The Wizard Of Ooze
Message-ID: <1993Apr22....@vicorp.com>
patr...@vicorp.com (Patricia Bender) writes, (sarcastically, one presumes):
> Rah, rah, rah, rah.
> Rush is Good.
> Rush is Great.
> Blast all those liberals that we hate.
>
> Three cheers for Rush.
>
> patricia
> (Actually, I've never heard or seen Rush - and have no desire to do so.
> All my information about him comes from the cross-posts and responses.)
Another potential instance of the Raspberry Effect (explained below).
--
Exhibit B.
Subject: Re: FUCK YOU RUSH
Message-ID: <1993Apr22.1...@hubcap.clemson.edu>
hub...@hubcap.clemson.edu (System Janitor) writes:
> vanc...@ohstpy.mps.ohio-state.edu (I hope, there were a million
> attribute lines I deleted :-) writes:
[...]
>> You forgot to include FAT. This should have read "He's just a Fat talk-radio
>> commentator...".
>
> Apparently ol' Rush Porcine (any one hear that segment? I think that was
> the first time I listened to him) has dropped 80 lbs or so.
>
> -Mike
So, it appears that new political phenomena are being observed
all across the fruited plain. These first two examples illustrate
principles recently formulated by the LIFACS. In order for you
to stay on the cutting edge of societal evolution, here are a
description of these, and other, such phenomena.
Exhibit A, was, of course, an instance of the Raspberry Effect, in
which otherwise logically reasoning liberals will write all manner
of derisive and scathing remarks about Rush and his audience
based only upon what their friends tell them, and without actually
listening/watching the show themselves. The name of this phenomenon
(although appropriate for other reasons) comes from the name of
the Washington Post columnist William Raspberry who launched into a
premature condemnatory diatribe against Rush earlier this year, in
a column ironically titled "Rush To Judgement," and then bravely
and honorably retracted his invective a week or two later, after he'd
actually listened to the radio show.
Exhibit B, demonstrates half of what's come to be known as the Law
Of Conservation Of Political Mass, in which the combined weights
of Rush Limbaugh and Bill Clinton equal a constant. In other words,
for those of you who were unfairly victimized by the Arkansas public
screwls, if Rush loses weight, the President gains it, and vice versus.
(A little Latin lingo there.) This observation will require further
experimentation to demonstrate its validity, but until all the data
is in, we would advise the President to stay out of McDonalds, and
to use his new jogging track at every opportunity.
Another major area of research at the Institute is in the developing
field of quantum politics, which has produced the major new theoretical
statement, the Clinton Uncertainty Principle. The C.U.P. as was
demonstrated in a viewer video one evening on the TV show, is neither
half-full or half-empty. It is instead, too big. If Americans are
willing to sacrifice and contribute to the government, all our cups
will be full, because they will be smaller. The Clinton Uncertainty
Principle demonstrates that you can never tell exactly what position
the President will take, and that his true position on any issue
is best described by a diffuse "position cloud," an related concept to
the traditional politician's "smoke and mirrors".
--Standard disclaimer--
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*(==) Ken Barnes, LifeSci Bldg. * Conservative libertarians *
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"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the
set, I go into the other room and read a book."--Groucho Marx