[When we last saw Jack, he was taking Hilda to the Used Cow Lot]
"Good morning Mr Geekay sir, and how can I help you?"
Pettitt's Used Cow Lot was a masterpiece of salesmanship, and a
homage to dodgy cow dealers everywhere. From the huge forecourt
packed so full of cows that you couldn't belive you could get
one out without radical surgery, to the absolutely pathetic
bunting flying from the poles high above Jack's head. Across the
building in the centre of the lot is a gigantic flashing sign
reading "MP'S PREOWNED COWS! SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR YOU
WON'T COME BACK!!"
MP himself was standing outside the building, with a large cigar
in his mouth but, with a concession to the modern world, it
Wasn't lit. He was wearing a bright purple checked jacket, and Jack
was so blinded he nearly missed the fact that when MP moves his
arms - which he does lots - the checks stay precisely square...
"You buying? I've got this new supersleek Bovine2000 here,
faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive,
just keep it out of phone booths. Or maybe you are looking for
more of a family cow, Jack my son, The Shallow-Bit-Of-River
Kough? Small, yet yields more than 30 gallons per square mile."
Jack knew better than to let MP launch into his full monologue:
"I'm selling, MP"
"You can't be selling MP. *I*'m MP!"
"No, I'm selling Hilda, Our cow"
"Aha! A salesman, well, if you're selling, I'm buying. Lets have
a look at her... By The Lady, Jack? You really expect me to buy
this thing... Look at the teeth!"
"I can't, the mouth doesn't open"
"Exactly, and look at the size of the thing! It's bloated with
hunger. You could fit two humans in that!"
"Odd that."
There was a long pause.
Finally, MP broke the silence:
"Look Jack, I know your family, so I'll be honest. There is no
way I could ever sell that mangy rug for any money at all. I
couldn't *give* it away"
"But Hilda does tricks!"
"What?"
"Watch" said Jack, and walked over to Hilda.
Jack lifted up Hilda's tail, and dropped it. Hilda said "Moo"
and a hand extended from below her stomach, and placed a full
bottle of milk on the ground.
"Wow" said MP. "Can I give it a go?"
"Sure" said Jack.
MP lifted up Hilda's tail, and dropped it. Hilda said "Moo" and
a hand extended from below her stomach, and placed a second
bottle of milk on the ground.
"Watch this" said Jack, and lifted up the tail half way. Again,
he dropped it.
Hilda's hand emerged again, and placed another bottle beside the
first two, This one had a red top instead of the other two's
silver.
"What?" said MP
"Semi-skimmed" replied Jack.
"Okay Jack, that's real neat." said MP, "But I still can't sell
the beast. I tell you what I'll do though, I just got hold of
these Bean things, and I don't have anywhere to plant them. I'll
swap you them for the Cow. Deal?"
Jack didn't see much choice, and did the deal. It was a long
walk home, and his mum was not desperately pleased to see him
home with Beans...
[Wow! Jack has beans! Will Aquarion make it the whole way though the
story without a single fart joke?
Will Aquarion make it all the way though the story?
Does it matter?
And even if it matters, does it matter that it matters?
Maybe I should just stay here and go Zootle-Wordle.
Zootle-Wordle, Zootle Wordle.
Will Aquarion stop going Zootle Wordle before tomorrow?
Find out, in the next exciting episode of,
AFP! The Panto!]
Yours in total sincerity
Aquarion
--
In the last month(ish), AFP has had 16 FAQs, 218 Cascades,953 Meta-
Messages, 3635 Messages Irrelevant to Terry and 838 that aren't.
35 about Games, and 162 Annotations. Oh, and 179 Fandom messages.
That's 6457 total messages, (402 Messages untagged)
