[The giant is climbing down the beanstalk, Jack is still at the top, and
        has decided to climb down]

        "Melody? What's the time?"
        "Cripes. It's almost midnight." Said Jack's Mother "And my baby still
        isn't back!"
        "We'd better go outside and watch for him" said Hippo
        So Melody & Hippo went into the back garden, now dominated by a giant
        beanstalk, and looked up.
        "NO!" said Hippo, seeing an oversized shape about halfway down "The
        giant must have ate Jack, and now he's coming for us!"
        Jack's mother started to cry, and Hippo comforted her for a while, but
        went inside to get the axe.
        *CHOP*
        "What are you doing?" said Melody
        "Getting rid of this beanstalk before the giant eats us too"
        *CHOP*

        *CHOP*

        *CHOP*

        Halfway up the beanstalk, the giant felt it sway a little. Glancing
        down, he saw the tiny figures of Melody & Hippo far below.

        *CHOP*

        *CHOP*

        *TIMBER!!*

        And then everything happened rather fast. The following text will be
        written in slow motion to cater for this...

        First, the beanstalk, several miles high, started slowly to fall.

        Then the Giant, halfway up it, lost his footing on the swaying beanstalk
        and started to fall to the ground.

        Melody and Hippo saw the huge figure tumbling towards them, and made a
        run for it, out of the garden and down the road.

        And then we get to Jack. Jack was at the top of the beanstalk when it
        fell, still inside the clouds. As the beanstalk started to fall, he
        grabbed hold of whatever he could, which in this case was a large handle
        of fluffy white cloud.
        Fortunately for Jack, this is Pantoland, so the cloud was actually able
        to support his weight, and the armfull he got quickly inflated as he
        fell to form a parachute. Which was great, so long as he could hold
        on...

        Suddenly, Elfin reappeared, relaxing on a cloud, drifting beside him.

        "You lost the thing, the magic hat
        And so your quest is at an end.
        But we just might forgive you that.
        You just saved Pantoland, my friend.

        But your root to earth isn't sound
        And is not a nice way to play.
        I'll get you right back to the ground.
        Although not by the quickest way.

        You debt to the fairies has now been paid.
        And with this act, *our* debt is done.
        And now new stories can be made.
        And your next quest will be more fun."

        Elfin and Elfin's cloud disappeared, which was fine. Jack's cloud also
        vanished, which was less fine. Fortunately a new cloud appeared beneath
        him, and he landed on that. It was stocked with food. So Jack drifted
        slowly to the ground.

        Or would have done, had a wind not been blowing him out to sea...

        And there ends this tale...

        ...almost...

        ...Melody's house and garden were crushed by the falling giant, who
        died. But with Hippo's help, they made the remains into the centrepiece
        of a "Giantworld" theme park, and they both lived happily ever after...

        ...Carrie waited for ages for her husband to come home, and of course he
        never did. Eventually she sold the house, and with the money from that
        she moved to a nicer cloud with a view over some fields, wrote books
        about how to deal with a marriage when your husband is - literally -
        over ten times bigger than you, and lived happily ever after...

        ...MP sold his cow lot and went into the Real Estate business. Applying
        his previous skills he made a Real State of the entire thing, and went
        bankrupt. While scouring the streets for loose change, he met Fiona, and
        fell in love, and they made beautiful money together. He is now being
        sued by the state under an anti-monopoly charge for putting hotels on
        Mayfair...

        ...Elfin stared in several movies before retiring, happy and rich, at
        the age of 25...

        ...And the hat and Supermouse?

        When Supermouse caught the hat, the magical power that was expended
        caused a rift in the fifth dimension, and they fell into an alternate
        universe. Supermouse was last seen flying towards a shop selling
        Comestibles, and the Hat was last seen drifting towards the press office
        of a nuclear power plant.

        But that was years ago, and nobody knows where it could be now...

        ...And Jack? Jack we will leave sitting on a cloud, for now. After all,
        I promised 25 parts, so a new story must start tomorrow...

        THE END.

Yours in total sincerity
        Aquarion

On Thu, 13 Dec 2001 12:34:48 +0000, Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com>
wrote:

Bravo! Applause!! More!

A very enjoyable panto, I look forward to the next tale.

It is odd how a joke no better or worse than it's companions in a
story can get to you...

For some reason I sat chuckling over this one for ages.

All the best
John Leith
--
nos...@birdy.dircon.co.uk  -  That is really my e-mail address.
AFP Code 1.1a AC$ d+ s:+ a UP++ R+ F++ h+ P5+ OS--: C++++ M- pp--- L+ c
B+ Cn PT++ Pu40- 5++ !X MT+ eV+>+++ r++++ y+++
http://www.appiehouse.co.uk

In article <slrna1h838.5vu.use...@sacrifice.bedlam.bogus>, Aquarion
<use...@aquarionics.com> writes

Oh wow. *applause* That was _fun_!

Thank you.

Cordially,
--
Supermouse
My name is Supermouse, Rodent of Rodents.
Look on my cheese, Ye Mighty, and despair!

On Thu, 13 Dec 2001 15:30:43 +0000,  Supermouse
<Super-mo...@ntlworld.com> did wibble most appropriately:

Yay! More pato Aq. I am currently working on that best seeler, "How to
make chidren more appetizing." We already have baked, batter-dipped,
fried and slow roasted. :-)

Carrie
--

"I look from the wings at the play you are staging/while my guitar gently weeps
While I'm sitting here do nothing but aging./Still my guitar getnly weeps. -George Harrison RIP

On Thu, 13 Dec 2001 15:30:43 +0000, Supermouse

 <Fast Show northerner>

B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T!
--

Sandriana
~~~~~~~~~~
It takes a whole village to raise an idiot

<SNIP in extremo>
<SNIP sig>

Why do I , all of the sudden, get this image of Cheerleaders with an
AFP[1]cheerleading outfit?

[1] Or UU.... Hmm, I think I would kill to see my GF wearing an UU
cheerleading outfit.[2] Then again, all they play at UU is squash, right?
Hmm
[2]With matching Pom Pom´s (And with Sequins... :-) )

On Thu, 13 Dec 2001, Supermouse <Supermouse> put forth:

*bows*

Story two now plotted, mostly.

A couple of things I should really point out...

...First, the opening paragraph of the prologue was a direct quote from
Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's famous story Paul Clifford (1830).

Second, The story I based it on is the non-sanatised version of Jack
<http://www-dept.usm.edu/~engdept/jack/h.htm>

Third, the archive of the whole caboodle is at
<http://www.aquarionics.com/afp/afpmovie/>

And forth, At some point I'll do the annotated version. There are some
reasonably obscure referances within.

Back to the grindstone though...

Yours in total sincerity
        Aquarion

On Thu, 13 Dec 2001, Aquarion (ie, me) put forth:

Ack, tired. that should read:

<http://www.aquarionics.com/afp/afpanto/>

Yours in total sincerity
        Aquarion

Great... now *I* suddenly get an image of the outfits
themselves.[1]

Puffy, pinstripped, green and purple pants, cut just below the
knee; giant, orange clown-feet; a nice business-grey vest and
bowtie with the sleeves cut off; red and white wrist sweat-bands;
and Spock ears.

"Hi-Hey!  Hi-Hoe!  It's to the Disk we go!
Hi-Hey!  Hi-Who!  With Rince and Cohen and Two! (flower)"

Alright, the cheer sucks.  But I assure you the uniform is very,
very nice, and made from only the finest materials available
locally.[2]

Ted
[1] Would that be Afpajamas?  Afpants?  AFphrock?
[2] "locally" (adv.) {from the lat. *locallestri*}  1. Of, from,
or pertaining to the local area.  2. The car, the garage, and the
whole of the house, not counting the third room upstairs, but
including the garbage can outside.

--
"Meandering to a different drummer."

Aquarion (>use...@aquarionics.com) wrote

(snip)

Looking forward to the next story.

CCA:)