[Aquarion, by dint of a double-length episode gets back to the right place in the plot.]
Part 9: Supermouse's Story
[Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't write it after the events of this morning (ref news://iQ$FEIAKmNF8EAEp@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
After Jack had dried out, they - Jack and Supermouse - sat down in front of the fire with cheese and biscuits and Supermouse began to spin a tail of fear and dread...
"Once upon a time there was an author in a far off and distant land, he wrote books. These books were fantasic, the writing was as close to perfect as is possible, and the stories gripped you and failed to let you go. For decades the Author churned out the books, and he became rich. He didn't stop writing the books, because he enjoyed doing his job, and so we continued to read the books, and he continued to write them, and all was well. But there were other writers in the land, and they became jealous of the money that the One True Author was making, and so they stole his ideas, and wrote their books, and also became rich and powerful. And the followers of the false prophets did come unto the followers of the One True Author, and say "You stole this!" and we did calmly say "Oh, no. In actual fact, we didn't". "Indeed you did" the deluded fools responded, and "Oh no we didn't" sangeth back the true followers, not knowing when to give up. "Oh yes you did" "Oh no we didn't" "Oh yes you did" And this went on for many years, never going beyond the countercheck quarrelsome, never hiting the lie direct, and the ignorant souls succeeded in their mission, and sewed dissent in the ranks of the Author's followers. "This bit here" they would say, "Is clearly a reference to this city here" and we would nod sagely and say "Indeed, this is true" "And so this idea here must have been stolen from this author over there" and we looked, and we saw that the similarities were purely co-incidental, or that they weren't even that, or that it was clear that the idea was an example of parallel evolution. And these people said "These are annotations! He has borrowed this idea!" and we ignored them, and hoped that they went away.
They didn't.
Over the years we got used to dealing with them, but that never made them less irritating to The Author, who *wasn't* stealing other peoples' ideas. The worst thing you can possibly ever do in writing is to deliberately steal someone elses ideas, because you can't possibly do them justice. The second worst thing is to search every phrase you write to make sure it has never been written before. Writers tend on to read inside the genre, because contamination - even accidental - happens. But it carried on, and it just carried on getting worse and worse.
We are not, as you know, in a land without Magic, and the Author had, over the years, picked up a smattering of some fairly advanced magic. And so when a reader wrote in connecting the author and managing to accuse him of both stealing someone elses ideas, and also trying to *cover up* what he was doing, he finally took this as the last straw, and destroyed himself, putting all his writing experience into the hat he was famous for wearing.
The hat was found by the Giant, who has kept it ever since. According to legend, whoever wears the hat will be able to churn out stories made of pure gold. I was sent here by the Readers Resistance."
Jack must have looked as blank as he felt, because Supermouse continued
"You've never heard of us, I bet.
Haven't you noticed what's happened to Pantoland over the last 10 years? Something has been sucking all of the new ideas out of the world. This place used to be famous for new retellings of old stories, but over the last 10 years, there have been hardly any new stories at all. Even this Quest you're on is derivative of a quest taken over a hundred years ago! And it's all the Giant's fault. Though the Author, new stories flowed into the land. The hat is still soaking up new ideas, it has been for years since the Giant stole it from the faries. The Giant cannot use the hat, when he wears it he just churns out angsty short stories. He's too big for the hat. The Readers Resistance was founded to find the hat, and either destroy it - allowing new stories to come to new people - or to put it on the head of a True Writer."
"Why not give it back to the fairies?" asked Jack, who still hadn't told Supermouse the details of his quest. "That bunch of suits would sell it to the highest bidder. No, it's better that I get it"
Jack thought about this for a while. He reached a decision, and told Supermouse.
"I Have A Plan"
*******************************************
Jack slid back down the beanstalk. His mother was quite pleased to see him.
"Jack! You're home! I've been so worried! You've been gone almost two days! How could you leave your poor defenseless mother with nothing to eat but beans!" (Jack's Mother, you may note, was *not* too stupid to see the Bean beyond the Beanstalk)
Just about that time, a voice floated across the wind...
(TTTO Parklife, With apologies to Blur)
Stories are the lifeblood of the art that is now known as... Panto.
The fairytale basis only has to take a route going though what is known as... Panto
Dames are really funny, but most of it is visual so cannot be put in a text-based... Panto.
Who says Panto is out of date? You should join in a bit more mate, Get some Pantomime!
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand in hand, hand in hand though my... Panto...
Know what I mean?
We make it up on the spot, except every so often, where we get rudely interrupted by the plot lines..
Panto
I put the costume on, Have some last minute nerves, and then think about going on stage.
Panto
I play the audience. Sometimes I play the cast-members too, it gives me a sense of enormous wellbeing.
And then they're out to get me, and I'm running for the rest of the show, safe in the knowledge that whilst I'm on stage I'm safe from the literal daggers.
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand in hand, hand in hand though my... Panto...
Panto (Panto) Panto (Panto)
It's got nothing to do with your serious ballet or theatre, you know.
And it's nothing like your identical-every-night shows, that go around, and around, and around...
Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand in hand, hand in hand though my... Panto... Oooh, the cliches, so many cliches, and they all go hand in hand, hand in hand though my... Panto...
"Mr Hippo!" said Melody, spying the Minstrel as he wandered towards the cottage. "Aha" said Jack. "Just the man I wanted to see"
And Jack began to tell Hippo and Melody the rest of the plan...
Never mind, Aquarion, (and keep up the splendid seasonal entertainment), you should know by now that if afp can find the ref, they can find the 11 players on both sides and possibly the whole crowd of spectators as well.
Not knowing anything about panto and therefore not understanding the point, I haven't given most episodes more than a cursory glance. But this episode I read from beginning to end (well, OK, I skimmed the filk in the middle).
BTW, *I* wouldn't have volunteered, but my stuffed elephant, Hamrose, probably would have, had she known it was on.
On Tue, 11 Dec 2001, flesh_eating_dragon <flesh_eating_dragon> put forth:
> Aquarion wrote:
>> Part 9: Supermouse's Story
> Not knowing anything about panto and therefore not understanding the > point, I haven't given most episodes more than a cursory glance. But > this episode I read from beginning to end (well, OK, I skimmed the > filk in the middle).
Panto is probably the wrong word for it, since Panto is definatly a mostly visual thing. I suppse it's more a long-running story than a pantomime. But that's impossible, because I can't *write* anything that isn't a short story...
> [Aquarion, by dint of a double-length episode gets back to the right place > in the plot.]
> Part 9: Supermouse's Story
> [Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't > write it after the events of this morning (ref > news://iQ$FEIAKmNF8EAEp@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
<Snips out the whole story, go and read the original[1] thread...>
You´re referring to the "Origin of the Auditors" thread? I just hope PTerry isn´t going to give up posting here because of one stupid &%"#$.
[1]The very funny "[AFPanto] Part IX, Supermouse's Story"
Aquarion wrote: > [Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't > write it after the events of this morning (ref > news://iQ$FEIAKmNF8EAEp@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
Earlier this year, a young teenage boy in America emailed me via my website to tell me that I'd stolen from him an item on my "FTP Warehouse" page. He was writing, apparently, because he thought I might like to know about the person from whom I'd stolen it.
Of course, he might have downloaded the file and observed that it shared little with his own (which I'd never heard of) apart from the filename. In fact I suggested he do this, although I had to reply twice because the first time he wrote back to tell me that his father had deleted my email assuming it to be a virus.
Sometimes, at least, cluelessness must be inherited.
Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> writes: > On Tue, 11 Dec 2001, Jens Kristoffer Nielsen <Jens> put forth: > > On Tue, 11 Dec 2001 01:14:20 +0100, Marco Villalta > ><delete.all.before.the.name.ma...@cybermejl.com> wrote:
> > Or East Germans, for that matter. The Olsen Gang was very popular in > > the old DDR. > > /Kristoffer
> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
"Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden. A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2] who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
//Ingvar [1] Swedish names from here on [2] Commonly known as "Sickan" -- ((lambda (x) `(,x ',x)) '(lambda (x) `(,x ',x))) Probably KMP
>> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
>"Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden. >A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2] >who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
The question now arises as to how someone is supposed to state in a single short sentence that they have formulated a proposal for a set of future actions to be taken in order to achieve a given goal, or that they have a given set of aspirations and goals they wish to attempt to bring about... without referencing something.
"I have a plan" "I have a cunning plan" "I've got a great idea" "I have a dream" "Why don't you..."
"It's a definite problem", he said, no doubt referencing a Kyrgzstani lager advert.
> >> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
> >"Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden. > >A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2] > >who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
> The question now arises as to how someone is supposed to state in a > single short sentence that they have formulated a proposal for a set of > future actions to be taken in order to achieve a given goal, or that > they have a given set of aspirations and goals they wish to attempt to > bring about... without referencing something.
Not possible, which is why I explained what the person claiming there was a reference was alluding to. However, that phrase (in Swedish, possibly with a definite melody to it) is somewhat of a recognizable thing. Me, personally, think it's a coincidence, just as the *very* cleverly planted "Neverwhere" reference in Shrek is just a coincidence (but you never know).
> "I have a plan" > "I have a cunning plan" > "I've got a great idea" > "I have a dream" > "Why don't you..."
"It has occured to me..."
> "It's a definite problem", he said, no doubt referencing a Kyrgzstani > lager advert.
Nono, you uncultured person, that is a Turkmenistan ale advert. Sheesh!
//Ingvar (tounge planted firmly in cheeck) -- Self-referencing Five, seven, five syllables This haiku contains
>> [Writers note: This was plotted last Wednesday. I nearly didn't >> write it after the events of this morning (ref >> news://iQ$FEIAKmNF8EAEp@unseen.demon.co.uk), but anyway...]
><Snips out the whole story, go and read the original[1] thread...>
> You´re referring to the "Origin of the Auditors" thread? I just hope PTerry > isn´t going to give up posting here because of one stupid &%"#$.
I fear very much that he already has.
And, for bonus irony points, watch the followups...>
Peter Ellis wrote: > ing...@cathouse.bofh.se wrote: >>Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> writes:
>>> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
>>"Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden. >>A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2] >>who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
> The question now arises as to how someone is supposed to state in a > single short sentence that they have formulated a proposal for a set of > future actions to be taken in order to achieve a given goal, or that > they have a given set of aspirations and goals they wish to attempt to > bring about... without referencing something.
> "I have a plan" > "I have a cunning plan" > "I've got a great idea" > "I have a dream" > "Why don't you..."
you forgot:
"I love it when a plan comes together"
(Bad Early 80's American telly, gotta love it, 'cause we're stuck with it *for the rest of our lives*)
Ingvar Mattsson wrote: > "Olsenbanden" in Denmark. "Jönssonligan" in Sweden. > A group of criminals masterminded by[1] 'Charles Ingvar Jönsson'[2] > who, at multiple times in each film, proclaims "I have a plan!".
Are you sure it wasn't masterminded by John Olsen, former Premier of South Australia? The shifty, underworldy sort of character as anyone will tell you.
> On Tue, 11 Dec 2001, bauke schildt <bauke> put forth:
> And, for bonus irony points, watch the followups...>
What followups...?
-- "This is like trying to annotate a male/female partnership to Adam & Eve... " Miq on abp/afp Wed, 15 Nov 2000 13:31:59 +0000 <i8ufxCAPBpE6E...@kew1.demon.co.uk>
Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> wrote: > On Tue, 11 Dec 2001, Jens Kristoffer Nielsen <Jens> put forth: > > On Tue, 11 Dec 2001 01:14:20 +0100, Marco Villalta > ><delete.all.before.the.name.ma...@cybermejl.com> wrote: > >>Aquarion <use...@aquarionics.com> wrote:
> >>> "I Have A Plan"
> >>Brilliant, Aqcky!
> >>(Any Swedes or Danes spot the ref?)
> > Or East Germans, for that matter. The Olsen Gang was very popular in > > the old DDR.
And still is in Poland, it seems from seeing Polish satellite channels.
> Would someone mind telling me what I'm referancing?
*You're* not referencing anything, *I* am.
As people have already pointed out, there are some popular Swedish comedies -- the humour approaching farce, and not extremely good, at that -- about a trio of very clumsy criminals known as the Jönsson Band, the leader of which repeatedly exclaims "I have a plan", whereupon another member of the gang usually responds with "brilliant, Sickan (nickname of the leader)!". The *combined* catchphrases is the reference.
I don't know, I just saw the line in your post and the response just jumped to my mind for no good reason ('twas appropriate, too, IMO -- very good story). Sorry if I've caused offence, but at least now you know what I meant.
And for anyone who cares to know: The Jönsson Band was copied off a Danish similar set, the Olsen Gang, which has apparently been exported to al least ex-DDR and Poland. I think Norway has their own version too, BICBW.
-- Marco Villalta
Danish graffiti from 1984: "Fighting for peace is like fucking to become a virgin again!" Collected by Torben Olsen
