03/03/06 Puns
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41539F54...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Able: One bull.
> >
> > Double: Two bulls.
> >
> > Parable: Two more bulls.
> >
> > Treble: Three bulls.
> >
> > Noble: Zero bulls.
> >
> > Label: Sex with a bull.
> >
> > Labor: Sex with a wild pig.
> >
> > Bearable: To be pregnant with a baby bull.
>
> <Oyster alert!>
> Intollerable: Male cow wearing a prayer-shawl.
Mutant: Cow/ant.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4153A3E1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4030799A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Forecast: 4 actors.
> > > >
> > > > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> > > >
> > > > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
> > >
> > > Send for the Okta-puss again!
> >
> > Antsy: Ocean of ants.
> >
> > Autopsy: Ocean of dead people, or ocean of car roofs.
> >
> > Betsy: Casino ocean.
> >
> > Pussy: Ocean of cats.
>
> Percy: Ocean of contented cats.
Harbor: Where floating pigs dock.
Hammer: Ocean that hits hard.
Tim Bruening
singing. The candidate getting the most/loudest songs wins.
Losing: Concession song sung by non-winning candidates.
Tim Bruening
Chaotic: Disorganized tick.
Coagulant: Ant that clots blood.
Coolant: Hip ant.
Dialog: Colored fallen tree.
Dialog: Fallen soap tree.
Tim Bruening
Hellion: Big cat in Hell.
Helming: Chinese vase in Hell.
Hobo: Neck decoration of a hooker.
Hocking: King of pawn shops.
Holey: Korean hooker.
Tim Bruening
Prologue: Start of a fallen tree story.
Rapport: Where musical boats dock.
Robust: A rowboat sinks.
Roofer: Hair on a housetop.
Rouser: Knight who wakes people up.
Sporty: Mushroom beverage.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Milton J. Smuthworthy, I <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote in message
> news:40670a71$0$3902$45be...@newscene.com...
> >
> > So then "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> said:
> > >Milton J. Smuthworthy, I <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote in
> message
> > >news:406039c2$0$50541$45be...@newscene.com...
> > >
> > >> >Trouble is: If you post bee puns that are so terribly bad they make
> > >> >people commit suicide in droves, they beecome Beepuns of Mass
> > >> >Destruction.
> > >>
> > >> If you could entice one into some intestinal food with chemical
> > >> attractants, you'd have a bee leaving in cooked up entrail agents.
> > >
> > >Ullo. Somebody's read Hellstrom's Hive! - written by a very Frank
> Herbert!
> >
> > You mean I've been plagued, you're rised?
>
> Better than bathing in ass's milk and drowning coz it's pasteurized!
BC: Ancient bee ocean.
BO: Smelly bee.
BP: Bee urine.
BT: Bee beverage.
Tim Bruening
Admission: Religious advertising.
Admit: Put on a glove.
Commission: A church on the Internet.
Mitten: The 10th glove.
Omit: Delete the glove.
Permit: Price of a glove.
Remit: Put on the glove again.
Submit: A very wet glove.
Submission: A church under water.
Testament: Try out the glove before you buy it.
Tim Bruening
Reduce: The tennis game is tied again.
Reduce: Mussolini is back in power.
Subtract: A train underwater.
Duction: The process of becoming a duck.
Conduct: Against ducks.
Conduction: Against becoming a duck.
Reduction: To become a duck again.
Subtraction: How a sub pushes off against the ground.
Duct Tape: Used to tape together broken ducks.
Duct Tape: Recording of duck calls.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> An arboreal ape's parents wanted him Christened Throatwobblermangrovepants
> Smith.
>
> The Primate of the jungle, Archbishop Law, said this was far too silly and
> they'd have to find him another gibbon name!
>
> (Archbishop Law in the jungle? Yeah. He retreated there after being persued
> by a lynch mob of angry parents and altar boys with sore arses!)
>
> http://www.nieuwsbronnen.com/katholieke/pausmakers/law.html
Archbishop: Religious architectural structure.
Tim Bruening
Oinkment: Complementary (complimentary?) hand creme in bathroom of pig
motel.
Ole-Factory: A factory that manufactures perfumes, or a factory
constructed long ago.
Perfume: Unit of pricing of pollution.
Perfume: Unit of pricing of anger.
Tim Bruening
Propane: In favor of windows.
Prorate: In favor of movie rating systems.
Toothpaste: Used to glue broken teeth back together.
Walking Stick: A twig that walks.
nemo
How piquant!
nemo
Interlocutor: Verbose door security device technician.
nemo
Hammerchewer: Non-professional with badly damaged teeth!
nemo
All Koreans ain't called Lee. There's at least one Jae Bong Kim and one Bum
Suk Hong - demonstrating that real Korean names are much more punnable than
just Lee.
nemo
You'd need a lot of 'em.
Try this. Leave an open-cup mushroom minus stalk, on a piece of waxed paper
gills down where there are absolutley no draughts.
After a time, it'll shed its spores onto the paper in the pattern of the
gills. Then gently remove the mushroom and heat the paper so the wax will
melt and fix the pattern.
Button mushroom: Sitting on a fungus.
nemo
BCB: Apine gathering nectar.
Silly B: Apine gathering Nectar points.
http://www.nectar.com/dynamic/estores/nectar/home
nemo
Ment does not equal mit.
Testamur: To try out a cow and if it's competant, give it a certificate.
Testatrix: An examination for magicians.
Ita testamur? No way. It might be poisonous.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Bummer: Korean ocean?
nemo
Jae Bong Kim: A colourful member of the crow family screwing someone.
nemo
One which likes to wade through treacle: Go thick arch.
nemo
Or the nervous facial twitch of a monarch who rules over vertical structures
usually of brich used as barriers or and the sides of houses.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
nemo
nemo
engineers were fat in those days) and prior to that, the G.P.O.
Greeting one's family doctor: "GP! Yo!"
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44AC8C8B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4153A3E1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:4030799A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Forecast: 4 actors.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
> > > > >
> > > > > Send for the Okta-puss again!
> > > >
> > > > Antsy: Ocean of ants.
> > > >
> > > > Autopsy: Ocean of dead people, or ocean of car roofs.
> > > >
> > > > Betsy: Casino ocean.
> > > >
> > > > Pussy: Ocean of cats.
> > >
> > > Percy: Ocean of contented cats.
> >
> > Harbor: Where floating pigs dock.
> >
> > Hammer: Ocean that hits hard.
> >
> Spammer: Ocean that tastes terrible!
You don't like spam?
nemo
insipid taste, but on its own - YUK! And there used to be nasty little bits
of hard gristle and bone in it in those days! I can still see in my mind's
eye me digging a nasty little round piece of bone out of a lump of it - and
I must have only been around three at the time!
(We only had it in the 50s and early 60s.)
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Bummer: Korean ocean?
nemo
Bummer Mayhew: Queer pædophile metalwork teacher at Acland Burliegh - or is
it Acland Burleigh, school, North London in the 50s/60s who the school
covered up for and told parents that their kids being exposed to that sort
of thing was "character-building"! Whatever the f*** that means.
Unbelievable!
nemo
> >
> > Bummer: Korean ocean?
>
> Bummer Mayhew: Queer pædophile metalwork teacher at Acland Burliegh - or
is
> it Acland Burleigh, school, North London in the 50s/60s who the school
> covered up for and told parents that their kids being exposed to that sort
> of thing was "character-building"! Whatever the f*** that means.
>
> Unbelievable!
>
PS:
Do a Google using,
"Acland Burleigh"+bummer
as is - quotes and all.
Just found this from last year:
http://www.talkaboutparenting.com/group/alt.teens.poetry.and.stuff/messages/124947.html
Revenge is sweet!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Bummer: Korean ocean?
nemo
Honga: East European dance popular in Korea?
Suk: He wrote the music for it.
Honga: Dyslexic motorbike!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4688A2C0...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:440805D3...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > Hellion: Big cat in Hell.
> > > >
> > > > Helming: Chinese vase in Hell.
> > > >
> > > > Hobo: Neck decoration of a hooker.
> > > >
> > > > Hocking: King of pawn shops.
> > > >
> > > > Holey: Korean hooker.
> > >
> > > All Koreans ain't called Lee. There's at least one Jae Bong Kim and one
> Bum
> > > Suk Hong - demonstrating that real Korean names are much more punnable
> than
> > > just Lee.
> >
> > Bummer: Korean ocean?
>
> Honga: East European dance popular in Korea?
>
> Suk: He wrote the music for it.
>
> Honga: Dyslexic motorbike!
Happy 4th of July!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4153A3E1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
nemo
BA: Had to cancel 67 flights today Bcoz their new terminal at Heath Throw
Airport is still not working!! Praps they used a 2BA thread for the terminal
where they should have used 0BA!
Heath Throw Airport? Well it is *one* way of getting the planes into the
air!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4153A3E1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
nemo
Sheep don;t though. You've lefy out the 'u'!
Two peoples divided by a common langwidjje!
> Hammer: Ocean that hits hard.
It doesn't bear any malleus though.
Sledge: Contrpting for travelling on snow that hits hard.
Nemo.
In 2007, retirement was heaven,
And it's still quite divine in 2009!
The MPs all fiddling has sort of died down,
But now poor old Gordon looks like a Brown clown!!
And dear Whacko Jacko is fin'lly Upstairs,
So fewer small boys will need anus repairs!
(Very short memories most people have.)
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4153A3E1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4030799A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Forecast: 4 actors.
> > > >
> > > > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> > > >
> > > > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
> > >
> > > Send for the Okta-puss again!
> >
> > Antsy: Ocean of ants.
> >
> > Autopsy: Ocean of dead people, or ocean of car roofs.
> >
> > Betsy: Casino ocean.
> >
> > Pussy: Ocean of cats.
>
> Percy: Ocean of contented cats.
Harbor: Where floating pigs dock.
Hammer: Ocean that hits hard.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4153A3E1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message