Re: 10/20 Puns
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4358926A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4177469D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > On Sat, 31 Jan 2004 01:43:57 GMT, Alan <bogf...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > >>>Sounds like sharp advice
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >>Try to really avoid the ones named "Barb-y."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >You met Barb Dwyer?
> > > > >
> > > > > Yeah, but I was sorta on the fence about her.
> > > >
> > > > Offense or defense?
> > >
> > > Commonsense.
> >
> > Commonsense: Plenty of pennies.
>
> The noun is two words: Common sense.
>
> It's only one word when it's an adjective, like in 'A commonsense approach.'
Since it does exist as one word as an adjective, I can still use it as one word
in a pun.
Tim Bruening
Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
Tim Bruening
Fish Eye no Miko wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40305EF7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> > Storing: You can put anything in this ring.
>
> My... Precious...
Is it your Gollum to get the Lord of the Rings?
Tim Bruening
Buckingham: Rodeo pig.
Howitzer: Machine gun knight.
Trouser: Knight of pants.
Tim Bruening
Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.
Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.
Tim Bruening
Tycoon: Neckwear for a rich raccoon.
Hammer: Pig with a huge, hard impact.
J.C. Penny: Ocean of perfume (scent) stores.
Lawering: Ring that practices law.
Macy: Clothing store in the 5th month.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening wrote:
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world oddly when:
> > >
> > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > >
> > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your hardrive..
>
> Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
Helmet: Hat of the Devil
Tim Bruening
Pasty: Tea that glues.
Typer: Price for neckwear.
Typeface: Face with printing on it.
Tim Bruening
Stripping: Nude bell.
Tim Bruening
Advert: Plus green.
Convert: Against green.
Cavity: Tea that rots your teeth.
Censor: Knight who enforces political correctness.
Divert: To color something green.
Pervert: Price of a Green Party member.
Subvert: Mermaids in the Green Party.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <MzNsb.107886$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> Subplot: Underwater farm.
> >>
> >Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret still!!)
> >
> >Subarid: Underwater desert.
> >Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> >Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> >
> Subcranial: less than lofty thoughts
Subconscious: Aware underwater.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Subplot: Underwater farm.
> >
> Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret still!!)
>
> Subarid: Underwater desert.
> Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
Antarctic: Cold ant.
Subarctic: Cold underwater tic.
Tim Bruening
Glancing: Singing and looking.
Looking: King of eyes.
Boil Ling: Chinese at 212 degrees.
Convert: Green criminal.
Divert: Green die.
Invert: Green hotel.
Revert: Turn green again.
nemo
> Contradiction: What a Nicaraguan rebel secretary takes.
>
> Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
>
> Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
Eesay Ewwquay! Eesay Ewwquay! Eesay Ewwquay!
Oh, no. That's New Latin, izn tit?!
Orhay as-hay eeway allkay ithay overhay earhay - ackbay angslay!!
Eemonay.
nemo
In Rome, you used to be able to view Yiddisher men of clay in a big arena
called The Golem-see-'em!
Read all about it in Dybbuk by Josephus.
Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For £28 - 16s - 2d actually! (Inflation.)
Who's da man?? Who's da man??
nemo
Bloomer: Ocean of azure knickers!
Cop: "And azure knickers have just fallen down, madam, I am arresting you
for indecent exposure! Now - are you going to come quietly or shall I have
to wear earplugs?!
(Earplugs bit by Spike "I told you I was ill" Milligan.)
nemo
> Subdew: Underwater soft drink.
>
> Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.
>
> Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.
Transducer which gives low frequencies the bird: Tweeter.
Transducer: Oranges go in at one end and bisexual orange squash comes out
the other.
nemo
Marks and Spensive: Ditto all over the UK and many other parts of the world
that nearly went bust coz all its brassieres and other shmutters were far
too costly - hence the name.
nemo
Helm: Tin hat from a suit of armour that steers ships.
Khelmet: Tin hat for a Yiddisher idiot!
nemo
And the stuff on the forehead was already fore read!
nemo
. . unless you go all the way drown!
nemo
Vertickle: Something green that itches!
nemo
Customer: This 5 cent parasitic insect I bought is faulty!
Shop assistant: OK, sir. You'll have to take it to our Ticknickel
Department.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:439B6054...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > P Stashio Nutz wrote:
> >
> > > In article <20040805194650.38da2fe4@WizardsTower>, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> writes:
> > >
> > > >On Fri, 06 Aug 2004 00:24:11 GMT
> > > >"KIMEVANS" <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote:
> > > >> "startum" <sta...@anonymizer.com> wrote in message
> > > >> news:aKrQc.11312$Ri5....@sea-read.news.verio.net...
> > > > > "Harry Marmoset" <harry_m...@msn.com> wrote in message
> > > >> > news:Xns953C5887CD548h...@209.25.157.130...
> > > Hear about the hand gun exhibitionist?
> > >
> > > He was showing everyone his Glock
> >
> > Glocker: Gun dog.
>
> And don't forget - a Glock is not a Chimepiece.
>
> Chimepanzees: Ringing apes.
Chimpanzee: Zombie ape.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:439939AC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Parlance: What a golf course knight uses.
> >
> > Parlay: Sex on the golf course.
> >
> > Partake: To steal a golf course.
> >
> > Parted: Ted on the golf course.
> >
> > Party: Tea on the golf course.
>
> Just think - If it had been an Immaculate Contraception, we wouldn't have
> all this fuss around December 25th. - except perhaps in knicker rag ewer.
>
> Annunciation: A sister in holy orders looking at a gentleman from India.
>
> Annancyation: A young gay gentleman from India.
Antiphon: Ant giving the opening prayer.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <MzNsb.107886$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> Subplot: Underwater farm.
> >>
> >Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret still!!)
> >
> >Subarid: Underwater desert.
> >Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> >Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> >
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening wrote:
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <3FB4193B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world oddly when:
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo
> Tripping: Bell on a journey.
>
> Stripping: Nude bell.
Sissy Mississippi: A very ancient stripper who people with speech defects
never mention! (Got her on 8mm film would you believe!)
nemo
Azure opinion!
nemo
Permafrost: A very cold ladies' hair-do.
nemo
> Advertising: Singing commercials.
>
> Advert: Plus green.
>
> Convert: Against green.
>
> Cavity: Tea that rots your teeth.
>
> Censor: Knight who enforces political correctness.
>
> Divert: To color something green.
>
> Pervert: Price of a Green Party member.
>
> Subvert: Mermaids in the Green Party.
Ak-ak - ak RAK - ak-ak gun: For shooting members of the Green Party!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116996/
Another film where the well-know stars in it would much rather have been
somewhere else!!
nemo
Underwater Radio Amateur putting out a general call: CQcumber - CQcumber -
CQcumber - CQcumber . . .
nemo
Hellvetica: The devil's favourite font.
nemo
Esquire's helm: Steers a ship belonging to a property-owner who also owns a
snail and 26 sheets of paper folded double! Phew!
(It's the one always shown with a closed visor, in profile facing left,
sorry, sinister.)
nemo
Aw, shucks! That's right - nutmeg shucks!
nemo
> Subdew: Underwater soft drink.
>
> Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.
>
> Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.
His diaphragm would get all soggy!
nemo
Does he protect people from the Pirates of Men's Pants, who steal men's
trousers from off of their bottoms, cut off the trouser-cuffs and paste them
into a great big album while shouting, "There's a turnup for the book!!" ?
The Vegetarian ones shout: "There's a turnip for the book!!"
nemo
You'll be lucky if a Golem don't get you!
nemo
> Contradiction: What a Nicaraguan rebel secretary takes.
>
> Imodium AD: Opposite of Imodium BC.
>
> Ham Radio: Broadcasts in Pig Latin.
Otway ayhay oadly ofhay ubbishray!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:439557E6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3FCB0AC7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Goosing: Singing mud.
> > > >
> > > Easing: Better singing on the Internet
> > >
> > > Biasing: Shoppers singing.
> >
> > Fleecing: Singing wool.
>
> Sheepskin: Lambs.
Holy Lamb of God!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Douglas D. Anderson" <d...@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
> news:8T3lf.14$XC4...@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > YOU DO NOT REPLY TO SOMEONE'S POST AND SNIP THEIR CONTRIBUTION AND A
> FEW
> > > MORE YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO LIKE!
> > >
> > > YOU GO BACK UP THE BLASTED THREAD AND REPLY AT A POINT WHERE NO SNIPPING
> IS
> > > NECESSARY - AND IF THAT PARTICULAR MESSAGE HAS EXPIRED, YOU GO ON TO A
> TEXT
> > > ONLY SERVER AND REPLY FROM THERE!
> > >
> > > GOT IT?
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > I like that all caps look... reminds me of a telegram or an old
> > teletype machine...
> >
> >
> > LONDON 5-DEC-05 11-50 GMT
> >
> > NEMO HAS KNICKERS IN A KNOT.
>
> Just getting a bit pissed off with it, that's all! - and it ain't always
> Newbies.
Newbie: Young apine.
Knicker: Dog playing for a basketball team.
Tim Bruening
"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:
> TELETYPE: ABLE TO DISCRIMINATE ONE SORT FROM ANOTHER.
> Telephony: Wisdom to recognize a fraud.
> Television: To prophecy.
> Telegram: Knowledge of differences in crackers.
How Ritzy!
Tim Bruening
Typing: Secretary bell.
Flapping: Flying bell.
Hyping: Bell that exaggerates.
Sleeping: Bell doing the Zs.
Starting: Astronomical bell.
Tim Bruening
Starting: Acting bell.
Starting: Beginning bell.
Hyping: Bell up above.
Hyping: Exaggerated bell.
Averting: Bell that prevents trouble, or one green bell.
Tim Bruening
Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> KIMEVANS wrote:
>
> >Q: What did the inflatable school counsellor at Inflatable High
School say
> >to the inflatable pupil when he took him into his inflatable office
for a
> >lecture??
> >
> >A: John,your behahiour today has been totally disappointing!!! By
bringing
> >that thumbtack into this school you have let not only your friends
and
> >classmates down but you have let the whole SCHOOL down.!!! But most
> >importantly, what you are going to have to live with is the fact
that, this
> >time, you have even let YOURSELF down!!!!!
> >
>
> But I thought to air is human. Now I'm confused.
Confuse: Against detonating bombs.
Falwell: A far right wing well.
Tim Bruening
On Sun, 16 Nov 2003 14:47:34 GMT, mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller)
wrote:
>On Fri, 14 Nov 2003 21:35:45 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
><Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote:
>
>>On Fri, 14 Nov 2003 23:04:29 GMT, mael...@eunet.at (Elisabeth Müller)
>>wrote:
>>
>>>>The only question is whether she's an UGLY troll?
>>>
>>>She is.
>>
>>But that's only on the inside! Wait! Did that sound right? <g>
>
>No it didn't. Please repeat, while your tongue rests on this comfy
>oven.
Comfy: Price of a computer.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EEF88E...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Elisabeth Müller" wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 22 Mar 2004 23:25:08 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > >I can pop a nut with a five second freebie
> > >
> > > Does it hurt much?
> >
> > Freebie: Bee out of jail.
> >
> Was it in Solly Tory Confinement?
Solly Tory: British Conservative locked up alone?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:426C9FA6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> <non pesach stuff snipped>
> >
> > Blasphemer: Ocean of heritics.
> >
>
> Who stole the Matzos, Holmes?
>
> A rock star of course!
>
> How do you know, Holmes?
>
> Seder-mentary, my dear Watson!
>
> How very igneous, Holmes!
Element Terri Woman with the magic ability to solve mysteries.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeELer wrote:
> In article <XrUSb.33120$pD4....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:401B735C...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> Complain: A computer the size of the Great Plains.
> >>
> >> Comrade: Radioactive computer.
> >>
> >> Compact: A very small, dense computer.
> >>
> >> Compost: A decaying computer.
> >>
> >> D. Cay: Demon on an island.
> >>
> >> Hammer: A pig that packs quite a punch.
> >
> Comrade: the afor mentioned computer had chicken Kiev for lunch.
Rabies: Radioactive buzzing insects that make radioactive honey.
nemo
Agnes Daily??
nemo
They'd be measured with a greengage if it weren't plum crazy!
nemo
Pantie: Him out of breath.
nemo
Farewell: Hole in the ground that the bus company use instead of a safe.
nemo
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Solly!
Solly who?
Solly folks, dere ain't no mohw!
Ending of a very ancient song based on 'Knock Knock' puns.
Had the 78 but it got broke! :o(((((((
nemo
Praps if we all called a certain absolutely *awful* Irish TV personality
"Elephant Terri Wogan" they might hear about it and with a bit of luck,
trample the moron to death!
nemo
Rabid: Heard at auctions where such terrible diseases are on sale.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:453886DC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Subplot: Underwater farm.
> > > >
> > > Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret
> still!!)
> > >
> > > Subarid: Underwater desert.
> > > Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> > > Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> >
> > Antarctic: Cold ant.
> >
> > Subarctic: Cold underwater tic.
>
> Permafrost: A very cold ladies' hair-do.
Perma: Price of a mother.
Tim Bruening
nemo
Rustic: Getting wet has corroded it!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:453886DC...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Subplot: Underwater farm.
> > > >
> > > Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret
> still!!)
> > >
> > > Subarid: Underwater desert.
> > > Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> > > Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> >
> > Antarctic: Cold ant.
> >
> > Subarctic: Cold underwater tic.
>
pete
>
> nemo wrote:
>>Permafrost: A very cold ladies' hair-do.
>
>
> Perma: Price of a mother.
Permeable: Ability to be for me.
--
pete
nemo
Piece of tissue (bless you!) that exists in perpituitary: An ever-lasting
gland in the brian.
nemo
"pete" <pfi...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:abGdnf3kH6EpmlLX...@earthlink.com...