live to survive our paradoxes?
Whorella
Subject: Re: live to survive our paradoxes?
From: whor...@aol.com (Whorella)
Date: Fri, Jan 30, 1998 4:16 PM
Message-id: <19980130161...@ladder02.news.aol.com>
you know what's funny, was when i first heard about the net, it was 1990 and i
was at an all-girls college where i loved a carpenter and i was like 'all those
people, wow it would be so cool because we could talk without looking at each
other and bringing all that prejudice here'
instead of your clothes, it was your dialect, spelling, or what bands you
liked. same shit. different variables. and this still goes on.
i thought they'd use the computer to risk personal boundries, to grow. not to
have a better vehicle for pretending to be someone else.
boy am i stupid, huh? and then what i saw was so nasty, i mean we just posted
and suddenly i was getting killed and whew hew!!! did i have a flair for
counter-attack. you'd be suprised who some of my supporters have been who
couldn't pubically defend me without reprcussions. but i know. and even they
would defend me here and there.
it's been great ... but the complaint was always that i was irrelelvant and my
posts were so long. other people thanked me for saving their lives. others
blamed me for ruining it.
look, like i said, anything you want to say about me, will be in part, true.
because there are so many sides to me. say i'm full of shit, sure. say i'm
selfish. sure. but no more than the rest of you. say i'm like an angel from
heaven defending the discarded, yep. say i'm a demon from hell, sure,
espeically if you haven't had sex in a while and have to read about my shit.
but okay i'm so nervous about the job.
madge thinks positive thoughts make things happen.
i don't. she's into all this healing and stuff that i'm skepticle about.
i just want it too much i guess
okay wow bye again
Whorella
Subject: live to survive our paradoxes?
From: whor...@aol.com (Whorella)
Date: Thu, Jan 29, 1998 11:35 PM
Message-id: <19980129233...@ladder03.news.aol.com>
i sure hope so but until then ...
well i just bathed while listening to a mixed tape ... jesus died for
somebody's sins but not mine ... a little hip, a little patti smith a little of
a lot of stuff ... all in the purple foggy bathroom with a speaker in it ...
tunes blasting ... oh it was excellent
and it occured to me that there's always this push on us to be rebellious you
know? people who seem to live outside the law, the ones who swear in public and
make their own rules, seem to have an elite status. they are *cool*
individuals. flipping the finger to the status quo.
but there's always this push to be respectable. the kind of person a kid could
look up to. never swearing. not doing anything disagreeable. a saint.
upstanding. virtuous and moral.
and with you men, you're supposed to be so sensative but such a provider. women
are supposed to be so pure except in bed.
i mean all these contradictions. how could i expect myself to escape them?
all i'm saying is that most things i claim, even i could present an opposing
argument. i've looked at things from many sides. my god i've been so many
different people. of course i have multiple perspectives.
and to me being honest is the only form of truth. for what is true changes in
every situation. but there are things, regardless of truth or what, that will
either move us forward or backwards.
that's how i judge. and even that changes.
i'm not absolute about anything
i mean up until this summer, i thought fear was the enemy. and we shouldn't let
it exist. but then i learned the hard way that people warrant skeptism. and i
started gathering wood to build fires to bank myself against cold.
i'll still give any one a chance but man ... i am crazy
if anyone wants to talk to me on the phone you can call me
i mean it. i'm not so wretched in person. well a little. well only if someone
gets me going. like my elementary school teachers used to say 'who rattled your
cage' or 'who put a nickle in you' and shit.
i've always been like this. and boys always hated me because i was always
fighting them because i refused to be all wide-eyed and stupid like the other
girls who acted like boys were so much cooler than us. i could climb a tree
like anyone and arm wrestle. i wasn't going to pretend to be weak to get them
to like me, even though that would be the *smart* thing.
look at me. i'll never have a man. no one can stand it for long.
sometimes i just don't know when it's safe to stop fighting
this world...is such a contradiction...so beautiful except for what man does to
it...and even then, some of the things we create are so beautiful.
so okay. that's all i'm saying. i can still explain any contradiction. life is
gray areas ... chairscuros everywhere
"How can a thing be wrong if it's done with love?" Susan Atkins' response when
asked about her involvement in the Manson murders.