can i borrow a cup of sugar?

[whorella mundane]

first ... two nights ago i dreamed that i was hanging out with my
sister and we were each sitting in one of my excellent recliners and
everything was great and i had forgotten that she died. and she looked
over and said, "i can't stay here for much longer" and then i realized
she died all over again and ... i had no words. i didn't mean to keep
her here and it's not like there's a ghost following me around making
me laugh or busting my balls. it was ... well - i wasn't even able to
be sad in the dream because the re-realization that she had died even
though she was still here was so overwhelming that it just wiped my
brain.

we were at my grandparent's house having so much fun doing nothing.

anyway - i'm learning so much cool stuff at work. what they call "the
back-end" and it's only one of them. there's claims. the general
ledger. accounts payable. it costs so much money just to manage a
health plan - the administrative costs. it's so complicated. everyone
truly has been so kind and i get to help people who are stressing out.
but wow it can be a hard room.

i went to wal-mart at lunch. and i got carded to buy smokes. and then
the cashier looked at my driver's license for a long time and said
"wow, you don't look your age at all" and i said "well, thank you!" i
got food to make chicken tetrazini for leo and his girl, jackie, so we
could have a sons of anarchy season finale party.

but the poor wal-mart girl was so shocked by how young i looked that
she forgot to give me an entire bag of groceries. and leo ... he was
so upset. he goes, "mom, please go back there and make them give you
that stuff." and he was like pacing back and forth saying, "I can't
take it when you lose out that way."

he can't stand seeing me being short-changed. oh and he now has a
savings account set up and finally has all of his bills balanced and
i'm so proud of him. he's 28 - yes ... it seems late for that but
there are people my age who still don't stand on their own two feet.

so yeah - i got home and took smokie for our walk. i can't even
explain how miraculous it is for me to be able to walk quickly and
still be able to breathe. it's so strange and new and ... makes me
feel like a girl again! it's something you take for granted so much
but for me ... it's been so hard to breathe and wow.

anyway so i'm cooking ... i started drinking liquor every day after
work. i do two shots just as the doctor ordered - oh pooh i gotta go!
i have to go the doctor's today. anyway ... now i feel bad for my
landlord. well ... i was trying to cook the chicken but i realized i
didn't have any vegatable oil so i called to ask him if he did, and
could i borrow some.

he didn't have any but he goes, "any time you want me to rub your
whole body with baby oil, let me know."

tim never ... well. he's so classy that his hands would have fallen
off from just touching such imperfect flesh as mine. but the
landlord ... he thinks i'm beautiful and he goes "i love your body" -
i don't even know how to respond to that except to look at them like
"what does he want?"

and he went on about how great i was and you know how humble i am and
i go "i'm just some chick from pittsburgh" and he objected and said
"no you're not! you don't even realize how great you are, and if you
realized that, everything would be okay."

tim ... it was like his goal to make sure i never felt too good about
myself.

anyway. guess what? gotta bathe. do you think my landlord is reading?
i hate having to worry about it but there are times that he says stuff
that makes me think he is, but he could be just saying.

all i know is that he saved me on saturday night. and he really likes
me so he gets nervous but he has been so kind. i could never hurt him.
and i told him he made me mad on sunday and he said he was hung over
and goes "i'm fine drinking beer but not you! oh no! we have to drink
whiskey!"

but i am such a good drinker. i never get hung over. i can drink shots
for hours and hours.

it's a gift. must be born that way.

okay well i gotta take a shower in my fancy new shower with multiple
shower heads and then dry my hair and get out of here so i love you
all and i dreamed about adam duritz. he had a tv show and he was
talking about sex.

oh my dad had been in the dream and i couldn't get out of his house.
okay i don't want to think about it.

this is a day the lord has made.
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

i miss cindy so bad ...

agh my iphone alarm just went off. dang!

bye and sum junk