closing time

[whorella mundane]

leo made dinner last night and here i sit watching austin city limits
and thinking how boring the bands are who are only playing to prove
what excellent musicians they are and there's no meaning behind their
tired mastery.

and the worst part - all they're doing is what's been done before.

i am so ashamed of ever saying anything that would have you think that
you have not been a blessing to me. you could have contacted me and
i'd never know it 'cause i haven't read email for so long. i just
can't do it yet. see ... people keep finding out about her.

i hate myself for everything i say and do right now so please, if you
can, take me lightly right now. i have never been such a stranger to
myself.

i'm in a new part of this city. new house - all fancy loft-like and it
feels ridiculous to me that i live here even though everyone else
likes it.

my landlord tries to be nice but i don't want to be friends with my
f'n landlord. then i end up shoveling the snow. and i think of the
time i had to spend cleaning this place - the rugs were never really
done right. see ... that's friends with a business partner and i don't
know about that. we're neighbors.

'but we're friends' - i went through that with the last landlord.

but more bad news ... lolo ran. my mother is a mess ... legal
officials hassling my mom so they can send the kid back to jail.

i just ordered her a cell phone ... these kids ... leo's still all
bruised and battered from his car wreck.

but just ... ignore me

one of these days i'll check email again ... until then, i'll just
pretend.