Re: Blast from the past to prove who's who

[Yours Truly,Johnny Dollar]

Gary Burnore <gbur...@panix.com> wrote in
news:kk252a$me9$1...@reader1.panix.com:

> Emmett BADASS Gulley <emmettg...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Apr 9, 5:41??pm, Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler
>> <f...@databasix.com> wrote:
>>> Note the message ID. ??nntp.petitmorte.net was one of the mid's used
>>> by DataBasix in 2004.
>>> Note I moved the "-- " to " -- " so that you can see the .sig
>>> Note the kookfaq at insurgent.org.
>>> Note that K00ks (tmdak) don't have access to insurgent.org.
>>> Note that The Cabal (tinc) does.
>>> Lastly, note the award for Order of the Holey Sockpuppet
>>>
>>> And with that, I retire to tally the awards. Keep holding your
>>> breath, k00ks!
>>>
>>> BTW, since I never actually said the voting was closed, those last
>>> two are accepted.
>>>
>>> From: Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler <gad...@NOSPAMmeow.org>
>>> Newsgroups:
>>> alt.usenet.kooks,alt.config,alt.seduction.fast,rec.arts.poems,alt.fan
>>> .ar t-bell
>>> Subject: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2004
>>> Date: Sat, 08 May 2004 12:12:50 GMT
>>> Organization: TINO
>>> Lines: 124
>>> Message-ID: <c7imc9.3...@nntp.petitmorte.net>
>>>
>>> huge pools of molten steel, I arrived at the Cabal Tower and
>>> hastened to the secret plutonium-lined Vote Wrangler's bunker, where
>>> I found a thick sheaf of ballot papers awaiting close inspection.
>>> Fortunately, it was the work of only two minutes to thumb through
>>> them and make some rough guesses, so, without further ado, here are
>>> the results of the April 2004 Usenet Kook Awards:
>>>
>>> Kook of the Month
>>> -----------------
>>>
>>> The winner is... UNI!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Uni (aka "ArtistMike") ??. . . . 10
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Robert Wolfe ??. . . . . . . . . ??9
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Tom Bishop ??. . . . . . . . . . ??7
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Mark Zahn (aka "LIBERATOR") . . ??2
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? connor_a ??. . . . . . . . . . . ??1
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? none of the above . . . . . . . ??2
>>>
>>> A fine achievement, Unitard! All those years of quiet kookery in the
>>> backwaters of Usenet finally paid off.
>>>
>>> Clueless Newbie of the Month
>>> ----------------------------
>>>
>>> The winner is... RUSSELL B. WATERS!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Russell B. Waters (aka "kittlesthekat") . . 15
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Alan Connor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . ??6
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Rusty! With cluelessness like yours, how do you
>>> ever find the houses to deliver pizza to?
>>>
>>> Coward of the Month
>>> -------------------
>>>
>>> The winner is... UNI!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Uni (aka "ArtistMike") . . 12
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Robert Wolfe . . . . . . . 11
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? none of the above ??. . . . ??6
>>>
>>> Award #2 for the 'tard! Don't bother snecking AUK when you post your
>>> acceptance speech, Luni; we'll still find it.
>>>
>>> Golden Killfile
>>> ---------------
>>>
>>> The winners are... CHARLES NEMO!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Yes . . 17
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? No ??. . ??2
>>>
>>> Congratulations, Zero! I hope you can find enough space to display
>>> your trophy among your vast collection of penis skulls.
>>>
>>> and... TOM BISHOP!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Yes . . 14
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? No ??. . ??7
>>>
>>> Well done, Tommy! You don't have to consider this a comment on your
>>> value as a human being, but nobody will mind much if you do.
>>>
>>> Balsa Gavel
>>> -----------
>>>
>>> The winner is... GORDON ROY PARKER!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Yes . . 19
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? No ??. . ??1
>>>
>>> Congratulations, "Ray"! Welcome to the exclusive list of those whose
>>> hope of ever winning a lawsuit is deemed to be nil.
>>>
>>> Victor von Frankenstein "Weird Science" Award
>>> ---------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> The winner is... ALEXA CAMERON!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Yes . . 26
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? No ??. . ??1
>>>
>>> Congratulations, *lexa! Remember to use AUK as a character reference
>>> if you ever apply for a research job at Lockheed.
>>>
>>> Order of the Holey Sockpuppet
>>> -----------------------------
>>>
>>> The winners are... UNI!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Yes . . 18
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? No ??. . ??1
>>>
>>> Well done, ArtistMike! Or do I mean "Well done, Sarah"? Or "Well
>>> done, Carol"? Or "Well done, Jackie"? Or...
>>>
>>> and... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>>>
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? Yes . . 18
>>> ?? ?? ?? ?? No ??. . ??2
>>>
>>> Nice work, chucknozzle! That's not a bad result for somebody who has
>>> never posted to Usenet.
>>>
>>> This concludes the results of the April 2004 ballot. 37 ballot
>>> papers were received, of which 33 were deemed valid. Until we meet
>>> again, au revoir and Hail Fluffy!
>>>
>>> ??--
>>> AUK award-winners and FAQ:http://www.insurgent.org/~kook-faq/
>>>
>>> (Remove NOSPAM to reply.)
>>>
>>> --
>>> Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler
>>> fnvw @ databasix.com
>>> accept no substitutes
>>
>> shut the fuck up, there are no awards
> Translation: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Spot on translation


--

You there: Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off from there, too. Then fuck off some more. Keep
fucking off until you get back here. Then fuck off again.

[Yours Truly,Johnny Dollar]

Gary Burnore <gbur...@panix.com> wrote in

news:kkcub3$b5k$2...@reader1.panix.com:

> In alt.usenet.kooks Yours Truly,Johnny Dollar <ytjo...@gmail.com>

> Thank you, Mr Dollar, but it was a really easy one. I didn't even
> have to look it up.
>
> btw, in your .sig:

>
> You there: Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off from there,
> too. Then fuck off some more. Keep fucking off until you get back
> here. Then fuck off again.
>

> Eddie Izzard?

Reads like something he'd say, so I'd not be surprised if he is the point of origin, but I got it elsewhere
so I can't confirm it.

When I first saw it I was reminded of about a half dozen people I want to say it to.