NEWS: Royal Marines Vs. The Flaming Afghans
Peter North
Chris Stephen In Bagram
http://www.news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?id=561752002&tid=1
BRITISH marines returning from an operation deep in the Afghan mountains spoke
last night of an alarming new threat - being propositioned by swarms of gay
local farmers.
An Arbroath marine, James Fletcher, said: "They were more terrifying than the
al-Qaeda. One bloke who had painted toenails was offering to paint ours. They
go about hand in hand, mincing around the village."
While the marines failed to find any al-Qaeda during the seven-day Operation
Condor, they were propositioned by dozens of men in villages the troops were
ordered to search.
"We were pretty shocked," Marine Fletcher said. "We discovered from the Afghan
soldiers we had with us that a lot of men in this country have the same
philosophy as ancient Greeks: ‘a woman for babies, a man for pleasure’."
Originally, the marines had sent patrols into several villages in the mountains
near the town of Khost, hoping to catch up with al-Qaeda suspects who last week
fought a four-hour gun battle with soldiers of the Australian SAS. The hardened
troops, their faces covered in camouflage cream and weight down with weapons,
radios and ammunition, were confronted with Afghans wanting to stroke their
hair.
"It was hell," said Corporal Paul Richard, 20. "Every village we went into we
got a group of men wearing make-up coming up, stroking our hair and cheeks and
making kissing noises."
At one stage, troops were invited into a house and asked to dance. Citing the
need to keep momentum in their search and destroy mission, the marines made
their excuses and left. "They put some music on and ask us to dance. I told
them where to go," said Cpl Richard. "Some of the guys turned tail and fled. It
was hideous."
The Afghan hill tribes live in some of the most isolated communities in the
country. "I think a lot of the problem is that they don’t have the women
around a lot," said another marine, Vaz Pickles. "We only saw about two women
in the whole six days. It was all very disconcerting."
A second problem the British found came minutes after the first helicopter
touched down at one of the hilltop firebases, when local farmers appeared
demanding compensation for goats they claimed had been blown off the mountains
by the rotor blades. "Every time we landed a Chinook near a village, we got
some irate bloke running up to us saying his goat has just got blown off the
mountain ridge by the helicopter - and then he demanded a hundred dollars
compensation," said Major Phil Joyce, commander of Whisky Company, one of four
companies deployed.
As patrols moved away from the landing zones, the locals began pestering Afghan
troops attached to the marines with ever more outrageous compensation demands -
topping off at a demand from one village elder for $500 (£300) for damage to a
tree by the downdraft from helicopters.
But the marines were under orders to win the "hearts and minds" of local
farmers in what is one of the few remaining Taleban bastions. "I managed to
barter him down to two marine pens, a pencil and a rubber," Major Joyce said.
"He went away quite happy ."