DIGIMON: THE... Uh... MOVIE...? Part 1 of 3
Chris McFeely
Angela Anaconda: This is it, Digi-Pals! In a few sec-
A sixteen ton weight drops on Angela and her friends.
START THE MOVIE, ALREADY!!
Di-Di-Di!
Di-Di-Di!
The Digivolution is up and running,
DigiSee, DigiHear, DigiKnow it was coming?
Our DigiDestiny starts today,
DigiLet DigiMe DigiHear DigiYou DigiSaaaay:
- - -
DIGIMON: THE... UH... MOVIE...?
by Chris McFeely
Freely adapted from a screenplay by Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchhloz
- - -
Kari (narrating): Who says there's no such thing as monsters?
Guy in audience: Me!
Red Greymon: RAAAGGH!!
Guy in audience: *screams* Mother lied!
Kari (narrating): You're never quite the same after you meet your first
Digimon! My name's Kari, I'm part of a team called the DigiDestined, and
this is a little pointless exposition for the adults and critics who have to
watch this movie, so that they're not TOTALLY confused.
The Polaroid snapshot of T.K. and Kari appears.
Kari (narrating): That's me, with T.K., another of the DigiDestined.
The Willis sequence appears.
Kari (narrating): And that's... uhm... that's... who is that, again? *flicks
through her script* Oh, yeah, that's Willis, in America. While all of us
only had one Digimon, he had twins, the lucky bastard - but then, he was a
loser, and didn't have any human friends, just his Digimon. His digital
adventure, as well as ours, started that night, seve... I mean, eight years
ago...
The scene cuts to Highton View Terrace.
Caption: Highton View Terrace. Japan. Seven years ago.
An animator's hand reaches in, and scribbles over the "seven" with black
ink, then writes "eight" in with white-out.
Kari (narrating): Did you know there are actually two worlds? Our world, and
the digital world! Now, don't plan a vacation there, because it's full of
monsters that'll probably kill you and eat your remains, but when I first
saw it, I was so scared, I was so nervous, I was so... *reads script*
...cute? Hey, are you saying I'm not cute NOW? Are you?
There is mumbling, as we cut inside the Kamiya apartment.
Kari (narrating): *grumble* That's my brother Tai, when he was a little kid.
Back then, his hair was actually the same size it is now, his head just grew
into it.
The electrical appliances in the apartment fizzle.
Kari (narrating): That n-
PPPHHHBBBBT...!
Kari (narrating): Tha-
PHHHBBB...BBHH...TT...
Kari (narrating): That night be-
...TT... tt... t...
Young Tai: Ahhhhh....
Kari (narrating): THAT NIGHT BEGAN LIKE ANY OTHER!! Tai was making his
fourth trip to the bathroom...
Tai walks out of the bathroom, and notices Kari standing in front of their
dad's computer.
Young Tai: Kari, what are you doing in here? You know we're not supposed to
be messing around with the computer!
Young Kari: Sucks to that! I wanna play Doom! ...hey, a big glowing egg!
Kari (narrating): I was stating the blatantly obvious - it was our first
Digi-Egg! And on the other side of the world, Willis was getting his
Digi-Egg at the exact same time, if you believe this script!
Cut to morning.
Mrs. Kamiya: Tai! I'm going to whore myself out on the streets because your
father's never home!
Young Tai: *climbing down bunk* What a weird dream... a computer egg? I
gotta stop watching scary movies before I go to bed...
Mrs. Kamiya: Take care of your sister!
Young Tai: But mom, I'm only seven years old and I'm going to use the stove
and I'll probably kill us bo-
*SLAM!*
Tai turns to look at Kari, who is holding the Digi-Egg in her arms.
Young Tai: Whu-?! The egg's real!
Cut to the kitchen, with a shot of an egg frying on the stove.
Young Kari: HOW COULD YOU?!
Young Tai: Heh, I was only kidding, here! *pulls the egg out and hands it to
Kari* Now go and sit down... I've already given myself a bunch of
third-degree burns from his spitting egg, but mom just says to ignore
them... I betcha it's gonna taste a lot better than your egg, though!
Kari goes and sits at the table.
Young Tai: Boy... the other kids are gonna be jealous of us this Easter...
well, I mean, they WOULD be... if that egg was chocolate... which it isn'
t... so they're better off...
Kari drops the egg, and it rolls away. She goes after it.
Young Tai: Hey, if anyone asks us where that weird-looking egg came from,
let's tell 'em our chicken coop is on a nuclear waste dump! Gee, I hope the
building super doesn't find out about that chicken coop...
Kari chases after the egg.
Young Tai: Kari? Where'd you go? Are you in the crawlspace again?
Tai runs after her, and they both see the egg standing up on it's end.
Both: Uh-ohh...
Kari (narrating): Because, of course, back then, the sight of an egg
standing on end was fearsome, and more than enough to make you go "uh-oh."
The egg cracks open, and the Botamon's eyes can be seen.
Young Tai: It's alive! Aw... it's cute! Come here, liddle baby...!
The Botamon leaps at Tai's face, and he falls over and pushes it off. It
zooms under the bed.
Young Tai: Kari, stay away! I'll protect you!
Kari (narrating): As usual, Tai came up with a brave plan of action. It
worked about as well as his other plans. Can you tell I'm being sarcastic?
Can you?
Tai clobbers the Botamon with his goggles, and it spews bubbles in his face.
Young Tai: My EYES! Dear God in Heaven, my EYEEEES!
As Tai staggers back in blind pain, Kari looks under the bed, and blows her
whistle.
Botamon: Bo-bo-bo...
Young Kari: Wheep-wheep-wheep...
Botamon: Bo-bo-bo-bo-BO-BO...
Young Kari: Wheep-wheep-wheep...
Botamon: Bo-bo-bo...
Both: Bo-wheep-bo-wheep-BO-WHEEP!
They both turn to the camera:
Young Kari: Watch our show. Buy our toys.
Botamon: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Bo.
The Botamon blows more bubbles, which, if you look carefully, spell out "EAT
THIS, PIKACHU!"
Young Tai: It's taking a bubble bath!
The bubbles float out over the city.
Kari (narrating): That was the first time any of us really connected with a
Digimon. As time went on, we learned that not all Digimon turn out to be so
friendly.
Back in the apartment...
Young Tai: Kari, stop feeding it so many candy bars, you'll make it sick!
...hey, those are mine!
Tai grabs the candy bar as the Botamon takes it into his mouth, and tugs on
it.
Young Tai: Gimmie!
Botamon: BO!!
The Botamon clamps it's mouth around Tai's entire head.
Young Tai: Okay, okay, you win...
The phone rings, and Tai forces the Botamon off.
Young Tai: I'll get it.
Tai answers the phone.
Sora (on phone): This is Sora! Mimi - who I don't know yet - told me you
were the one who threw up in my hat - which I don't wear yet! I'm really mad
at you, Tai Kamiya...!
Sora's voice dissolves into static.
Young Tai: Something's wrong with the phone... perfect timing...
Tai walks back to the bedroom, and notices that...
Young Tai: That ceiling tile is loose...
No, not that! The OTHER thing!
Young Tai: Oh, yeah, and all the electrical stuff in the house is going
nuts... AH! Kari, look out!
Tai sees that the Botamon is now a Koromon.
Young Tai: It changed... it got bigger... what did you do? What'll mom say
when she finds out?! It can't GET any worse!!
Phbbt.
Young Tai: Ooops... sorry, the excitement got to me... I'll be right back...
Tai runs off to the bathroom. A little later...
Kari brings Koromon Miko's cat dish, as Tai seems to count randomly, as his
numbers don't match up with Koromon's bounces...
Young Tai: Better pin his ears back so they don't get in the food...
The Koromon gets sparkly-eyed, and jumps on Kari, kissing her.
Young Tai: Hey, cut it out, stop kissing my sister, you!
Koromon jumps on to Tai.
Check it out now!
Funk soul brother!
Right about now!
Funk soul brother!
Young Tai: *muffled* Kari, you're not helping with that music...
Kari switches the radio off, and Tai yanks Koromon off his face, as Miko
stalks in, and sees the Digimon. He jumps at him, and Kari and Tai try to
separate them. Miko scratches Tai's face, then Koromon's reclaims his dish,
then leaves.
Young Tai: Guess we don't make much of a tag team, huh?
Kari (narrating): A pink beach ball and a seven year old? NO DUH!!
That evening...
Mrs. Kamiya: Kids, I bought pizza with my whorin' money!
Young Tai: In a minute!
Young Kari: So, do you have a name?
Koromon: Koromon!
Kari quickly recovers from the heart attack induced by learning the critter
can talk, and carries on.
Young Kari: Tai, his name is Koromon!
Young Tai: Who's name?
Young Kari: Koromon, what ARE you, anyway?
Koromon: I'm a Digimon, short for Digital Monster! I'm from the Digital
World!
Young Tai: How come you talk to him, and only whistle at me?
Young Kari: My name's Kari... Kah-reee. And this is my brother Tai.
Taaaa-yeee.
Koromon: I'm not a dumbass, you know. I don't need a Hooked on Phonics
lesson.
Young Tai: He can... talk...!
Koromon: You two are the best friends I've ever had!
Young Kari: We're the only friends you've had!
Koromon kisses Kari.
Koromon: Thanks for saving me from that scratching furball!
Koromon kisses Tai.
Young Tai: Just... warn me before you... kiss me again!
Kari (narrating): Once a Digimon truly becomes your friend, they'll do
anything for you. ANYTHING.
Phbbt.
Young Tai: ...sorry... me again...
That night...
Kari (narrating): Now, every time that thing changed shape - or what the
merchandising now calls "Digivolved" - there was a weird electrical surge
throughout the entire city. Of course, there was only one way to get Tai's
attention...
Kari hits Tai in the head with a baseball bat.
Young Tai: Ow! Kari, I've asked you nicely before about that...!
Kari points at her bunk.
Young Tai: ...young lady, have you been in the hentai incest manga again?
Kari smacks Tai with the bat again, and he falls out of his bunk, on to the
floor. He looks up, and see Koromon, shivering under the covers.
Young Tai: Koromon...? What's wrong with him, Kari? Is he sick?
Kari (narrating): If you have half a brain in your head, you know that this
Koromon isn't the one we became friends with later on. When he Digivolved,
he expanded more than my Uncle Fred at Thanksgiving!
Koromon Digivolves into an Agumon, smashing the bed to smithereens. It
growls and sniffs the air.
Big Agumon: Who cut the cheese?
Young Tai: I HAVE a PROBLEM, okay?!
Mrs. Kamiya: What's going on in there? Did you kids break another lamp?
Kari opens the window, and the Agumon tromps over towards it.
Big Agumon: It's all so meaningless... I'm going to end it now... *climbs
out on ledge* ...I'll jump, I swear I'll jump!
Kari climbs on his back.
Young Kari: Piggyback?
Big Agumon: MY SOUL IS DEAD!!
The Agumon leaps off the ledge, and plummets straight down, smashing a car
on impact, but is otherwise fine.
Big Agumon: Hmn. That didn't work. Oh well, never mind. I'm over it now.
The Agumon plods off, Kari still on his back.
Tai bursts out of the apartment, and runs down the stairs.
Young Tai: If mom's worried about the lamp, wait 'till she sees her car!
Down below...
Young Kari: Look both ways before you cross the street! See any cars?
Big Agumon: Uh-uhn.
Young Kari: Do you even know what a car is?
Big Agumon: Do I look stupid? Don't answer that. I'll just be careful.
Agumon and Kari come across a soda machine.
Young Kari: Soda!
Big Agumon: It's not soda, it's pop.
Young Kari: Soda!
Big Agumon: POP!
Young Kari: Whatever. I'm thirsty, are you?
Big Agumon: Grnngh.
Agumon rips the machine to shreds.
Young Kari: Just one each...
Kari picks up three cans.
Young Kari: Sue me, I'm four, how good do you expect my maths to be?
The Agumon walks off.
Young Kari: Hey, where are you going?
Nearby...
Young Tai: Kari! Kariiii! How hard can it be to find a dinosaur?
Meanwhile, the Agumon, with Kari on his back again, walks out into the
street.
Young Kari: You know, we really shouldn't be playing in the street.
There's the sound of a horn, and a truck thunders past.
Truck Driver #1: Woah, did you see that?
Truck Driver #2: No, I was sleeping...
Truck Driver #1: But you're driving!
Truck Driver #2: No I'm not.
Truck Driver #1: You're not?
The truck smashes into a phone booth and barrels on down the street, as the
Agumon... despite the fact that the truck clearly ran it and Kari over...
drops down out of the sky.
Big Agumon: Hrunngh! Grrngh. PEPPER FLAME!
The Agumon fires it's attack at the truck, but it misses. Kari is startled.
Kari (narrating): Meanwhile, Tai was close behind - he was following our
footprints in the diet soda... as well, as, y'know, following the fire and
stuff...
The Agumon eyes up a bus.
Young Kari: Whoo yeah! Blow it up! Mom's always bitching about how they're
always late! It's all their fault! Be BAD!!
The sound of a helicopter overhead makes the Agumon look up, and Kari nearly
falls off him. He fire three blasts up at the helicopter, but misses.
Electronics all around start to go nuts.
Kari (narrating): And that's when we saw our second Digi-Egg.
A gargantuan CGI Digi-Egg appears in the air over the district, as kids look
up and see it.
Young Tai: Oh boy... there goes the movie budget...
Kari (narrating): But this one was a lot bigger - and the Digimon inside was
a LOT meaner!
The egg splits open, and Parrotmon appears in mid air, before swooping down
over the city. Agumon blasts at him, but only succeeds in hitting the side
of a building. The kids watch the battle in earnest - Joe is on the phone.
Joe: Mimi, it's Joe! Look outside your window!
Mimi (on phone): Who is this? How did you get this number?
Tai runs up to Highton View Terrace as Parrotmon banks around and comes in
low.
Young Tai: Wow! Polly want a cracker? A... really big cracker?
Balls of flame fly past, and Parrotmon turns around in the air, and lands
with a thud, as Agumon and Kari arrive.
Young Tai: Koromon? Kari!
Tai runs up to Kari and Koromon, and tries to drag Kari away.
Young Tai: Kari, we have to get away from here, it's too dangerous!
Young Kari: Nuts to that! I want to WATCH!
Parrotmon and Agumon square off.
Parrotmon: I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mister Agumon...
Big Agumon: PEPPER FLAME!
The attack smashes into Parrotmon's head. The smoke clears, and he cackles,
unharmed.
Parrotmon: SONIC DESTROYER!!
Parrotmon's attack screams through the air, shattering the road bridge under
which Agumon and the kids are standing. Agumon is bludgeoned by rubble, as
he tries to cover Tai and Kari.
Joe: Woah, Izzy, did you see that?
Izzy (on phone): Stop CALLING me, you weirdo!
The rubble shifts... and with a growl, Greymon emerges! Tai and Kari are
safe, having been shielded by his bulk.
Young Tai: ...Kari?
Young Kari: I'm okay... who's THAT?
Young Tai: Koromon...?
Electricity crackles between Parrotmon's ear-feathers.
Parrotmon: Do you hear that, Mister Agumon? That... is the sound of
inevitability. Is it the sound... of your death. Goodbye... Mister Agumon.
Red Greymon: My name... is GREYMON!
DIGIMON!
DIGITAL MONSTERS!
DIGIMON ARE THE CHAMP-YONS!
Red Greymon: RAAAGGH!! NOVA FLAME!!
CHANGE INTO DIGITAL CHAMP-YONS,
TOOOO... SAVE THE DIGITAL WORRRLD!!
Tai looks off to the side to see Paul Gordon and M.C. Peapod layin' down
some funky remixed beats on a turntable, yo.
Parrotmon and Greymon grapple.
Young Tai: Don't... quit...!
Young Kari: *crying* Grey... Greymon...! Oh... dear God... my mouth is
slipping off my FACE!
YAH-TAH-DA-DAH!
DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS,
DIGIMON!
Parrotmon hurls Greymon backward and he lands on Gordon and PeaPod and their
turntable.
Young Kari: Oh, no, Tai, his eyes have been knocked out!
Tai holds Kari back.
Young Tai: Kari... there's nothing you can do! Greymon! Greymon, get up, he'
s coming!
Parrotmon walks over, ear-feathers crackling.
Parrotmon: My eyes are missing their pupils in this scene, and I blame YOU!
Tai looks down, and sees Kari's whistle.
Young Tai: It might work...
Tai snatches the whistle, and start poking Greymon with it.
Sora (calls down from above): BLOW THE WHISTLE, YOU MORON!
Young Tai: Wow, why didn't I think of that?
Tai blows the whistle, right next to Greymon's ear, as Parrotmon
conveniently stops moving.
Parrotmon: Darnit, I stepped in gum... *picks*
Tai runs out of breath, and pants. Greymon's eyes snap open, and he rears up
with a roar.
Young Tai: Go for it!
Red Greymon: ...what'd you say?
Greymon sticks his finger in his ear, and wiggles it around.
Young Tai: I said, go for it!
Red Greymon: WHAAT? I can't hear you, I have this ringing in my ears...
Parrotmon: Ahh, there... stupid gum...
Parrotmon flicks the gum away, and it hits Greymon in the forehead.
Red Greymon: HEY! NOVA FLAME!!
Parrotmon: AWWK!
FROOOOSSHH!!
Parrotmon and Greymon are engulfed in light, and everything fades into
darkness.
Young Kari: Greymon!
Tai opens his eyes, and both the Digimon are gone.
Young Kari: Greymonnn! Don't you want to play horsey with me anymore? Where
are you?
The camera pans up over the remains of the battlefield.
Kari (narrating): That night changed our lives. It was a while before we
figured out that those of us who saw what happened became the
DigiDestined... and it was even longer before we figured out that... uh...
that... hold it, it's on the tip of my tongue... before we figured out
that... W... Wally? Ah, screw it. Anyway, sometimes you have to save the
world, even if you're the one who caused the problem. Which isn't a very
well put together sentence, because if you caused the problem, then you
SHOULD have to save the world. That "even" shouldn't be in there. Anyway...
cue the CGI, wouldja?
- - -
CONTINUED IN PART TWO!
- - -
Charlemagne The Jester King
>
>A sixteen ton weight drops on Angela and her friends.
Thank God!
>The Digivolution is up and running,
>DigiSee, DigiHear, DigiKnow it was coming?
>Our DigiDestiny starts today,
>DigiLet DigiMe DigiHear DigiYou DigiSaaaay:
DigiKnow that's ridiculously stupid even for a parody?
>Kari (narrating): You're never quite the same after you meet your first
>Digimon! My name's Kari, I'm part of a team called the DigiDestined, and
>this is a little pointless exposition for the adults and critics who have to
>watch this movie, so that they're not TOTALLY confused.
One reason I'm glad I rented it instead of going to the theater...
>Kari (narrating): And that's... uhm... that's... who is that, again?
Nobody cares!
>While all of us
>only had one Digimon, he had twins
That doesn't sound right to me...
>Kari (narrating): I was stating the blatantly obvious - it was our first
>Digi-Egg! And on the other side of the world, Willis was getting his
>Digi-Egg at the exact same time, if you believe this script!
I don't.
>Mrs. Kamiya: Tai! I'm going to whore myself out on the streets because your
>father's never home!
At now we know what she does for a living.
>Young Tai: Whu-?! The egg's real!
>
>Cut to the kitchen, with a shot of an egg frying on the stove.
>
>Young Kari: HOW COULD YOU?!
Yummy.
>I've already given myself a bunch of
>third-degree burns from his spitting egg, but mom just says to ignore
>them... I betcha it's gonna taste a lot better than your egg, though!
Burns sure are tasty.
>Young Tai: Hey, if anyone asks us where that weird-looking egg came from,
>let's tell 'em our chicken coop is on a nuclear waste dump! Gee, I hope the
>building super doesn't find out about that chicken coop...
That's so funny I forgot how I was going to make fun of it...
>Kari (narrating): Because, of course, back then, the sight of an egg
>standing on end was fearsome, and more than enough to make you go "uh-oh."
They're in a parody of a poorly-edited English dub...Of course they're cowards!
>Kari (narrating): As usual, Tai came up with a brave plan of action. It
>worked about as well as his other plans. Can you tell I'm being sarcastic?
>Can you?
...I'm sorry, did you say something? I was busy with Mrs. Kamiya.
>Young Tai: My EYES! Dear God in Heaven, my EYEEEES!
My eyes! The light! It's burning my eyes! Hey...Look at all the pretty colors!
>As Tai staggers back in blind pain, Kari looks under the bed, and blows her
>whistle.
Does she ever not blow that thing? Heheh...She blew the whistle...
>Both: Bo-wheep-bo-wheep-BO-WHEEP!
>
>They both turn to the camera:
>
>Young Kari: Watch our show. Buy our toys.
>
>Botamon: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Bo.
At least this time the subliminal message wasn't so friggin' subliminal!
>Young Tai: Kari, stop feeding it so many candy bars, you'll make it sick!
>...hey, those are mine!
>
They belong to me you idiots!
>Tai grabs the candy bar as the Botamon takes it into his mouth, and tugs on
>it.
>
>Young Tai: Gimmie!
>
>Botamon: BO!!
>
>The Botamon clamps it's mouth around Tai's entire head.
>
>Young Tai: Okay, okay, you win...
Why's he stick his head in it's mouth anyways? I guess he was wanting to show
off how brave he was!!!!!!!
>Sora (on phone): This is Sora! Mimi - who I don't know yet - told me you
>were the one who threw up in my hat - which I don't wear yet! I'm really mad
>at you, Tai Kamiya...!
Cool!
>Tai walks back to the bedroom, and notices that...
>
>Young Tai: That ceiling tile is loose...
>
I never knew!
>Young Tai: Oh, yeah, and all the electrical stuff in the house is going
>nuts... AH! Kari, look out!
AH! If I save my slut-in-training sister now I can get rewarded with candy and
other cool stuff! I will dispose of her after I get my reward! Ha-haha! Ah
ha-haha!!!!!
>Tai sees that the Botamon is now a Koromon.
>
>Young Tai: It changed... it got bigger... what did you do? What'll mom say
>when she finds out?! It can't GET any worse!!
YEA-HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Kari brings Koromon Miko's cat dish, as Tai seems to count randomly, as his
>numbers don't match up with Koromon's bounces...
At least back then he was smart enough to count wrong.
>The Koromon gets sparkly-eyed, and jumps on Kari, kissing her.
>
>Young Tai: Hey, cut it out, stop kissing my sister, you!
Then her mother walks in and says she can't be a whore with pink rabbity
things!
>Check it out now!
>Funk soul brother!
>Right about now!
>Funk soul brother!
I think Kari is the Rockafeller Skank...
>Young Tai: *muffled* Kari, you're not helping with that music...
YEA-HAHAHA!!!!!!!
>Mrs. Kamiya: Kids, I bought pizza with my whorin' money!
I gave her that money...Therefore I own the pizza!
>
>Young Tai: How come you talk to him, and only whistle at me?
Heheh...
>Koromon: I'm not a dumbass, you know. I don't need a Hooked on Phonics
>lesson.
He is and does.
>Kari (narrating): Once a Digimon truly becomes your friend, they'll do
>anything for you. ANYTHING.
I always wondered where Gatomon put her tail when she wasn't using it...Thanks
for the secret Kari!
>Young Tai: ...young lady, have you been in the hentai incest manga again?
Why would she want to read her own biography?
>Koromon Digivolves into an Agumon, smashing the bed to smithereens. It
>growls and sniffs the air.
>
>Big Agumon: Who cut the cheese?
>
>Young Tai: I HAVE a PROBLEM, okay?!
Joe:I'm allergic to cheese!
>Mrs. Kamiya: What's going on in there? Did you kids break another lamp?
Anonymous Man:Who cares? Let's get back to business! Who's ya daddy!?!
>
>Big Agumon: It's all so meaningless... I'm going to end it now... *climbs
>out on ledge* ...I'll jump, I swear I'll jump!
Hmmhahahaha!!!!!!!!
>Big Agumon: MY SOUL IS DEAD!!
So is Napoleon.
>Big Agumon: Hmn. That didn't work. Oh well, never mind. I'm over it now.
Audience:BOO!!!!!!!!!! REFUND! REFUND! REFUND!
>Young Tai: If mom's worried about the lamp, wait 'till she sees her car!
Wow! Every little detail is part of the story! You know that ripped pair of
panties you have Mrs. Kamiya? It's going to turn into a vital plotpoint in the
near future!
Mrs. Kamiya:...Oh God yes! Uhh...I mean...Wow I don't believe it!
>
>Big Agumon: Grnngh.
Grnngh! ARR! MEOW!
>Agumon rips the machine to shreds.
>
>Young Kari: Just one each...
>
>Kari picks up three cans.
>
>Young Kari: Sue me, I'm four, how good do you expect my maths to be?
I get one too!
>Young Tai: Kari! Kariiii! How hard can it be to find a dinosaur?
How hard can it be to find good writers?
>Meanwhile, the Agumon, with Kari on his back again, walks out into the
>street.
Wow, I totally missed the part where she got off.
>Truck Driver #1: Woah, did you see that?
>
>Truck Driver #2: No, I was sleeping...
>
>Truck Driver #1: But you're driving!
>
>Truck Driver #2: No I'm not.
>
>Truck Driver #1: You're not?
Mrs. Kamiya:He wasn't sleeping! why do you think I'm in the back without any
clothes?
>The truck smashes into a phone booth and barrels on down the street, as the
>Agumon... despite the fact that the truck clearly ran it and Kari over...
>drops down out of the sky.
Cool.
>Big Agumon: Hrunngh! Grrngh. PEPPER FLAME!
Wow, that's a pathetically stupid attack name!
>Young Kari: Whoo yeah! Blow it up! Mom's always bitching about how they're
>always late! It's all their fault! Be BAD!!
Vamdemon:And don't forget me! I'm the baddest of them all!
Rosemon:Not when you're my bitch!
{Vamdemon gets whipped and the rest is obvious}
>A gargantuan CGI Digi-Egg appears in the air over the district, as kids look
>up and see it.
Ken:Wow! CGI in midair! It's my greatest achievment yet!
>Young Tai: Oh boy... there goes the movie budget...
Ken:I'm so smart we won't run out of money!
{a postman appears with an envelope saying the movie is overbudget}
>Joe: Mimi, it's Joe! Look outside your window!
>
>Mimi (on phone): Who is this? How did you get this number?
Joe:I'm just your average childhood stalker is all. Nothing special. Oh no! I'm
allergic to girls!
>Young Tai: Wow! Polly want a cracker? A... really big cracker?
Parrotmon:My name's Molly!
Parrotmon of the Silencers:SHADDUP!
>Balls of flame fly past, and Parrotmon turns around in the air, and lands
>with a thud, as Agumon and Kari arrive.
Kari:Balls of flame? Oooooooooh! I wanna see!
>Young Kari: Nuts to that! I want to WATCH!
Rosemon:You go girl!
>Parrotmon and Agumon square off.
Parrotmon:I'm not...
Agumon:Square...
>Parrotmon: I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mister Agumon...
But first, I must know your real name!
Agumon:Agent Double-O Big Yellow Lizard.
>Joe: Woah, Izzy, did you see that?
>
>Izzy (on phone): Stop CALLING me, you weirdo!
Joe:But I like calling complete strangers! It's highly arousing!
>The rubble shifts... and with a growl, Greymon emerges! Tai and Kari are
>safe, having been shielded by his bulk.
Greymon:You'd better not have meant that like it sounded McFeely!
>CHANGE INTO DIGITAL CHAMP-YONS,
I'm a Digital Yon!
>Tai looks off to the side to see Paul Gordon and M.C. Peapod layin' down
>some funky remixed beats on a turntable, yo.
Tai:But I don't know you guys! Even if I was a hero I wouldn't give you my
autograph!
>Young Kari: *crying* Grey... Greymon...! Oh... dear God... my mouth is
>slipping off my FACE!
Nanimon:That's nothing! I've lost a lot more than hair in a lot of places!
>Parrotmon: My eyes are missing their pupils in this scene, and I blame YOU!
Anonymous Japanese Cartoonist:I'm sorry! Please forgive my stupidity!
>Sora (calls down from above): BLOW THE WHISTLE, YOU MORON!
Mrs. Kamiya:I've blown a lot of things, but never whistle you pervs!
>Parrotmon: Darnit, I stepped in gum... *picks*
And it's nice-n-chewy!
>Parrotmon and Greymon are engulfed in light, and everything fades into
>darkness.
Vamdemon:Which is the way things should be! Ha-haha!
{Rosemon climbs on top of him and flashes him}
Vamdemon:Especially now! Vines aren't sexy! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!
>... and it was even longer before we figured out that... uh...
>that... hold it, it's on the tip of my tongue... before we figured out
>that... W... Wally? Ah, screw it. Anyway, sometimes you have to save the
>world, even if you're the one who caused the problem. Which isn't a very
>well put together sentence, because if you caused the problem, then you
>SHOULD have to save the world. That "even" shouldn't be in there. Anyway...
>cue the CGI, wouldja?
No.
--
"The only offense is the way that mailbox was laughing at me."
-the Big Guy
Mark Taylor
Chris McFeely <Ma...@troy49.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:9l6psb$8ve$1...@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
> - - -
[snip]
>
> Tai clobbers the Botamon with his goggles, and it spews bubbles in his
face.
>
> Young Tai: My EYES! Dear God in Heaven, my EYEEEES!
>
[big snip]
Oh, man. I had to stop reading there, I was afraid I wasn't going to be able
to control my laughter anymore, and I'd wake everyone in the house.
I'll finish it tomorrow. :-)
mike
--
Owner of:
Gabumon's fur, Izzy's curiosity and Gargomon/Galgomon
1 Sax Solo Point -- 6 INKIBICA Points -- 5 Obscure Reference Points
To e-mail me, use: prodigious75 at hotmail d0t com
RahLevi01
and I have never heard that line before. I would like to know where you got
that from? Please respond at RahL...@aol.com
Saint Paul
> No offense to you buddy. But I have watched the movie like two hundred times
> and I have never heard that line before. I would like to know where you got
> that from? Please respond at RahL...@aol.com
... You're new 'round here ain't'cha? Well pardner lemme show ya wuts
wut round here. First o'all it's mighty helpful if you quote what iit
that yer referin' too. So's that those what respond know zactly wut
yer talkin' 'bout. because, see, when you say that you hain't seen
that line nowhere's and not tell us which line, we can't 'zactly tell
you where it is.
Second, this here story was a parodee made by that there McFeely, so
the odds are the line to which you wuz talkin' about ain't in the
movie, but was put in there to make the story all funny-like. See?
Hopin that wuz mighty helpful to ya