List for March 23 - 26
JZA
will be broadcast. Other than the Ireland vacation, it's been a while
since we've seen a remote piece and Conan (and Andy) should try to do
more.
Best Guest - Female:
Caroline Rhea - She is a hoot; funny and lively and very probably her
talents are wasted on that warmed-over 'New Hollywood Squares'. Of the
other two candidates, Jennifer Grey was good but not as entertaining,
and Roshumba just had that snooty smug supermodel attitude (I'll take a
key chain gift any day of the week and not carp about it!).
Best Guest - Male:
Dave Foley - such a naughty mouth on such an adorable huggable man - but
he's a guy I'd like to take out to dinner or even just drinks. Just
imagine how he'd talk in a bar after a few Molsons.
Worst Guest:
Norm MacDonald - Only funny if you hadn't heard those jokes tens times
before and if you were an especially immature adolescent boy. My
prediction for how long his ABC sitcome will last - 8 weeks at the most.
The Difference Between Dave Foley and Norm MacDonald:
Dave's material was fresh and witty with an adorable lack of smugness
and sneering. Norm's material was heard before, was not funny, and I
didn't like his attitude. If I met Norm in a bar, I'd throw my drink in
his face.
Most Convoluted Joke Delivery:
Tuesday's monologue joke about Jack Kevorkian acting as his own lawyer.
Question of the Week #1:
As Andy started talking about New Orleans, what fell underneath Conan's
desk? If it was a 'sexy little device', what kind of sexy little device
do you keep under a desk? The answer is not Monica Lewinsky, unless she
recently dropped 50 pounds.
Best Reason to Fly to Detroit:
You just might sit next to Conan on the plane.
Andy's Best Line:
During SAT Analogies, After Conan demonstrated his hair-moving ability,
Andy told the crowd, "Don't you people realize he doesn't even know he's
doing that? You're laughing at a freak!"
My Favorite SAT Analogy:
"Elia Kazan: Named names at McCarthy hearing :: Conan O'Brien: Named
names at Star Trek trivia contest" Now I won't feel so dorky about
going to Minicon.
Question of the Week #2:
When is Andy going on tour? I'm kinda curious about how well his
replacement, Troy Driscoll, is going to work out.
Cutest Resident Alien/Most Offensive Guest Combo Award:
Dave Foley - sometimes had below-the-belt topics (bulimic restaurants,
'dick') but funny material coming from a guy who's also known as 'Mr.
Fuzzy Bum'.
Best Dialogue:
Dave Foley, "I'm popular with the back four rows of every theatre in
Canada."
Andy, "We put the Canadians back there."
Dave, "Canadians, we're raised to be afraid of flying pucks."
Best Kept Secret:
Wayne Gretsky is a mass murderer.
Most Truthful Statement:
Dave Foley, "Bulimics are really pretty." Yup, just look at Courteney
Cox.
Question of the Week #3:
What did they bleep out? Dave Foley, "It's about Richard Nixon and his
[ ? ]." Cock?
Best Part They Cut Out:
As the Bear was mauling Joel in the announcer booth, they cut to
commercial right before the bear started masterbating.
Best Surprise:
The toaster explosion - especially since they took great pains to point
out it was a GE toaster.
Conan's Best Impression:
The robotic Al Gore, "Hello, People of Earth."
Most disturbing 'Before Plastic Surgery' Picture:
Conan's, or , as he was known then, Simon.
Conan's Best Hair Day:
Wednesday
Best Job:
Being one of the people who 'jump' on Conan right before he steps out on
stage to make him 'presentable'. Wonder if the person who sprayed
hairspray into Conan's mouth was fired?
The 'Hidden Celebrity Talent' I Liked A Lot More Than the Studio
Audience:
Regis Philbin's cartoons, "I hate Kathie Lee" - don't we all?
Best 'Hidden Celebrity Talent':
Calista Flockhart and her miniscule deserts.
Best Dancing:
Abraham Lincoln rising from the dead to dance with John Wilkes
Booth/Jack Kevorkian and Conan to the 'Benny Hill' music.
Best Dressed Guest:
Caroline Rhea - loved the red top
Question of the Week #14:
Conan gets telemarketing calls?
Best Guest Response:
Conan, "...How do you keep your enthusiasm, you seem like such an up,
happy person?"
Caroline Rhea, "Anti-depressants."
Best Guest Line #1:
Caroline Rhea, "I'm obsessed with this new machine at the gym...the
vending machine."
The Don King Conclusion:
After Caroline Rhea swatted Conan, Don King would have said Conan won.
Conan's Best Line:
"I've heard nothing but laughter but that's because I'm insane. Even
when I'm home alone in the bathroom, I hear laughter."
Best Guest Line #2:
Conan, "I'll do that. You're in first class now...I take care of
everything."
Caroline Rhea, "Where are the hot nuts?"
My New Dream Show:
Dave Foley and Caroline Rhea with Conan moderating and trying
desperately to keep the segment clean and Andy smirking throughout.
Best Unintentional Funniness:
The two dorky guys smiling like idiots behind the first agent in the
'Let's Get to Know James Wormwood' bit.
Best Guest Line #54:
Mills Lane, regarding boxers, "These guys are not rocket scientists."
Best Guest Response #68:
Mills Lane, after Conan had tried persistently to get him to say 'Don
King is a crook' instead gives the finger.
Best Sportsmanship Award #1:
Mills Lane letting Conan press his no-cartiledge nose.
Best Desk Chat:
Thursday - when Conan and Andy were talking about their high school
athletic endeavors.
My Favorite 'In the Year 2000' Predictions:
"After hearing that Celine Dion is taking two years off from music to
have a baby, the American listening public tries desparately to
impregnate Kenny G."
"Two billionaire balloonists successfully circumnavigate the globe
setting a new record. Not for distance, but for number people who don't
care."
"Monica Lewinsky's famous dress will be sold at auction to an evil
industrialist who will use the DNA to close his own army of horny lying
rednecks."
Worst Audience Response to a 'In the Year 2000' Prediction:
"Soon after the country's most beloved TV personality is killed in a
skydiving accident, industrious fans turn tragedy into opportunity by
opening 'Oprah Crater Park'." The audience responded with a chorus of
'shame on you' moans but I thought this one was great.
Best Audience Response to a'In the Year 2000' Prediction:
"At the stroke of midnight of the new millenium, actor Ben Affleck will
grab the microphone from Dick Clark, look into the camera and say, "Wake
up, America! I'm a dope!"
The 'I Gotta Get Me One of Those' Award:
The Stone Cold Steve Austin 'Austin 3:16' t-shirt.
Best Sportsmanship Award #5:
Stone Cold Steve Austin reading poetry.
Best Question Not Asked:
Conan should have asked Austin if he had any plans to run for public
office.
Worst Hair:
Conan's when he was Troy Driscoll's creepy manager.
Best Guest from Minnesota:
Louie Anderson
Guest Best Line #43:
Louie Anderson, re: driving on the other side of the road in England,
"You know they're not going to hit me because they think 'He'll come
through the windshield and kill all of us.' "
Guest Best Line #44:
Louie Anderson, re: airplane seats, "I'm not sitting in coach...they
didn't measure my ass for coach."
Guest Who Could Pass for Andy's Older Brother:
Louie Anderson
Worst Suit:
Ben Savage's - those pants were too short.
Guest Who Will Not Get Better-Looking with Age:
Ben Savage - at best he'll look like his older brother Fred, at worst
he'll look like Norm MacDonald.
Interview Topic that Should Have Been Discussed Further:
Media Drinking Games - I was waiting for Conan to say something specific
about the 'Late Night' drinking game.
Biggest Thing Wrong with Ben Savage's Story about the 'Tinseltown' Fake
Awards Show Story:
He said that later you get a free meal. WRONG! You paid $100! That
includes the meal.
Andy's Best Comment:
"Buy yourself a red carpet and walk on it whenever you want."
Best New Show Trend:
Ending each show with a threat.
Best Sportsmanship Award #18:
Conan graciously tells folks Tom Snyder is retiring, it's his last night
and Tom is a great guy, "Tom, thanks for everything."
Best Tie:
Andy's on Friday - sort of an Escher-type pattern.
Best Moment of Surrealism:
Conan trying to grab the 'Guests We'll Never Have Back' logo, "One day
I'll snag me a graphic, you'll see. I'm like a little bear cub learning
with salmon."
The Deja-Vu Award:
The 'Guest We'll Never Have Back' Yo-yo guy - he looked and sounded so
familiar but I can't recall where I've seen him before.
Andy's Best Comment #64:
RE: the 'bullet catching teeth' guy whom Conan accidentally shoots in
the chest, "He's a little different because technically we can't have
him back."
Longest Story That Was Not Only Too Long and Not Funny, but Also One
We've heard at least Eight Times Before:
Norm MacDonald's story about the midgets and the prostitutes.
Worst Attitude:
Roshumba regarding the plastic key chain a boyfriend gave her. Well,
lah di dah Miss Supermodel - at least it wasn't sexist and you did
mention that you use the key chain.
Least Informative Information:
Roshumba's definition of a 'trend' model. I still don't get what a
'trend' model is supposed to be.
I'm gearing up for my April 15 trip to NYC - won't be staying in one of
those $350 a night hotel rooms but I think I'll be doing okay with my
$140 night hotel room.
Jean
MutantMan
notes
--
Fuck em if they cant take a joke
-- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
JZA wrote in message <36FD5A...@westley.org>...
Jim Ellwanger
>Question of the Week #3:
>What did they bleep out? Dave Foley, "It's about Richard Nixon and his
>[ ? ]." Cock?
Obviously, they bleeped out "dick," because you can say capital-D Dick
(the nickname for Richard) but you can't say lowercase-D dick (the synonym
for penis).
--
Jim Ellwanger <trai...@mindspring.com>
<http://trainman1.home.mindspring.com/> welcomes you daily.
"Youth is better, old is stupid..."
Tim Dunleavy
>Best Dressed Guest:
>Caroline Rhea - loved the red top
"Could I possibly have more cleavage?" Yeah, if you had taken off the
sweater and just worn the T-shirt...
-Tim
MutantMan
--
Fuck em if they cant take a joke
-- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
JZA wrote in message <36FEA6...@westley.org>...
>MutantMan wrote:
>>
>> jesuits cristo do you ever wonder what would happen if you stopped taking
>> notes
>
>Well, Mutie,
>1) I'd save myself about an hour a week it takes to compile and write
>these lists if I stopped doing them altogether, or
>2) The lists would be shorter
>3) The lists would be more vague, i.e., 'The funny joke Conan told in
>Wednesday's, or maybe it was Tuesday's, monologue about the longshoreman
>and the cement mixer - it was hilarious!"
>4) More of the list would be made-up, i.e., "Best Example of How the
>Olfactory System Works: The restaurant bit where Andy laughed and milk
>snorted out his nose."
>5) I'd be less often on-topic around here.
>6) Allah crisco, what would you complain about if I didn't write the
>lists?
>
>Jean
CJ Wallis
but...*S*). It's interesting to read, keep doing it...
-CJ
JZA
> JZA <j...@westley.org> wrote:
> >Best Dressed Guest:
> >Caroline Rhea - loved the red top
> "Could I possibly have more cleavage?" Yeah, if you had taken off the
> sweater and just worn the T-shirt...
> -Tim
Admit it, you loved how Caroline Rhea's top showed so much cleavage.
And I'll bet my next paycheck it was all natural.
Jean
Tim Dunleavy
... then I wrote:
>> "Could I possibly have more cleavage?" Yeah, if you had taken off the
>> sweater and just worn the T-shirt...
... then JZA <j...@westley.org> wrote:
>Admit it, you loved how Caroline Rhea's top showed so much cleavage.
>And I'll bet my next paycheck it was all natural.
You're two for two, Jean!
-Tim