List for Wednesday November 5
JZA
'New Celebrity Children's Books', Laurence Fishburne,
Steve R. Schirripa, The Polyphonic Spree
Conan's Best Suit in a Long Time:
Wednesday's black suit, white shirt, and for once, a tie, a
decorous purple one, that didn't completely suck.
Max's Worst Suit:
Wednesday's grey suit, light blue shirt and grey shiny tie.
Too pastel, too washed out.
Best Monologue Joke - Wednesday:
During a debate, John Kerry, John Edwards and Howard Dean
all admitted that they've smoked pot, "Not only that, Al Sharpton
admitted that his barber smoked marijuana."
Other Best Monologue Joke - Wednesday:
Belgium is considering whorehouses to attract tourists, "When
asked about it, a spokesperson for Belgium said 'Let's face it,
they're better than waffles'."
This Week's Trivia Question:
Was it Laurence Fishburne, Samuel L Jackson or Danny
Glover who got the vibrating recliner?
'Late Night' Staffer of the Week:
The cue card guy.
Best Congrats:
Conan congratulated Dave and Regina on the birth of Harry
Joseph Letterman. He speculated that their kids, Neve and
Harry might be friends. But he didn't go far enough to
say there could be an 'If They Mated' in their future.
Conan's Best Line #Present Company Excluded:
Recently NBC executive weasel Jeff Zucker, publicly dissed
NBC programming, saying it sucked and "our programming
is not that good."
Conan disagreed, not for the network in general but only his
show in particular.
Best 'New Celebrity Children's Books':
- Rush Limbaugh's 'The Bird Who Just Had To Get Higher',
loved the picture on the cover.
- George Michael, 'The Adventures of Bi-Curious George'
- Marlon Brando, 'Where the Sidewalk Breaks'
- Paris Hilton, 'One Rash Two Rash, Red Rash, Blue Rash'
- MC Hammer, 'Goodnight Career', wished Conan would
have opened it up and show some inside illustrations.
- Michael Jackson, 'I Touched Harold's Purple Crayon'
Best Dressed Guest for a Children's Book:
Laurence Fishburne. Nice primary colors that children like.
Worst Coordination.
Conan tried on Laurence Fishburne's cool glasses. It didn't
work with the Kansas City ABC affiliate 6:00 news anchor suit.
Best Flashback:
Conan complimented Laurence Fishburne on his terrific voice.
A while back, in another newsgroup, there was a discussion on
which celebrities have the best voices. My entry on that list was
Isabella Rossellini.
Best Sperm Count:
Conan asked Laurence Fishburne how he keeps his cool during
the tough chaotic scenes in 'The Matrix'. Fishburne replied that
he packs ice on 'the jewels', "You have never been frostier, brother."
Best Compliment:
Laurence Fishburne, told Conan he could get into the exclusive
Guggenheim Motorcycle club even though he's not a billionaire
or a movie star, told Conan if he wore the cool sunglasses he
might be able to get in because, "Cause you got that movie star
profile that's working, so it's cool."
That's a much more meaningful compliment than anything Regina
Hall said yesterday.
Best Misnomer:
The members of the Guggenheim Motorcycle Club get around
in BMWs.
Best Guest Line #Arthur Kotz:
Laurence Fishburne says he was a friend of nerds when he was
a kid and continues to protect and defend nerds, "I don't want to
hear anything negative about nerds because these people put
food on my table."
Best Casting That Will Never Happen:
Conan as Morpheus in the fourth 'Matrix' movie.
Best (Patrick) 'Stewart Secrets':
- I often dine with the Queen, but to me she'll always be simply
Latifah.
- If William Shatner ever pulls you into the bathroom and asks
if you want to see the 'Captain's Log' say no. I fell for that nine
times
Best Gift:
Cold hard cash. Steve R. Schirripa gave Conan $100 for
baby Neve. Conan should honestly save it for ten years and
give it to his daughter in 2013. Neve, "Who's this Steve R.
Schirripa guy?"
Best Guest Story;
When asked about 'Soprano' fans, Steve R. Schirripa talked
about a man in a restaurant who was dining with a beautiful
young woman. Schirripa was dining with a couple other
'Soprano' cast members. The man told them, because of the
show's schedule, "I don't know what I'm going to do on
Sunday nights now."
Schirripa, "And I look at the girl and I go 'I could think of a
whole lot of things, pal!'. And she says at me and 'Hey, that's
my dad'."
Worst Interpretation:
Steve R. Schirripa talked about a guy who married a hooker,
"He's with her all morning, he's giving a little shot, you know..."
My first interpretation of this line was that he got an injection
of medicine to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.
Conan's Best Question:
Conan asked Steve R. Schirripa for his take on the commercials
with the esteemed old restauranteer from Sicily at the Olive
Garden and ecstaticly enjoying the food.
Schirripa, "You'll never ever see a real Goomba in an Olive Garden
or at a Dominoes or one of those places." and later called the actor
portraying the old guy a 'Wonder Bread Wop'.
Worst Related News:
The Ciatti's Restaurant on Grand Avenue closed down.
Best Question Not Asked:
Just what kind of name is Schirripa? The last part is kind of
Italian but the first part, that 'sch' is definitely German.
Best Segment Ending:
Steve R. Schirripa inciting the studio audience to go to the
Olive Garden and "bust up the place!"
Biggest Reason I Won't Comment on the Polyphonic Spree:
I've already said plenty of bitchy things today.
COLIERRANND2
>Conan's Best Line #Present Company Excluded:
>Recently NBC executive weasel Jeff Zucker, publicly dissed
>NBC programming, saying it sucked and "our programming
>is not that good."
>Conan disagreed, not for the network in general but only his
>show in particular.
Did Zucker really say that? I mean, it's true for the most part but
still....and CBS is doing well but they're cowards so....
>Best Flashback:
>Conan complimented Laurence Fishburne on his terrific voice.
>A while back, in another newsgroup, there was a discussion on
>which celebrities have the best voices. My entry on that list was
>Isabella Rossellini.
When asked on MadTV to do say something with his voice that wouldn't sound cool
normally but surely would with his cool voice, Fishburne said(and did his Jerry
Lewis impersonation):"Hey Lady!"
David Keith has the best voice.
>Best Gift:
>Cold hard cash. Steve R. Schirripa gave Conan $100 for
>baby Neve. Conan should honestly save it for ten years and
>give it to his daughter in 2013. Neve, "Who's this Steve R.
>Schirripa guy?"
Schirripa did this to Wayne Brady when he had his baby. I know you're just
joking but I find it really a classy thing to do, considering he doesn't have
to.
Col
Read My Mind!
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