"This is worse than a divorce.
I've lost half my money and still have my wife."
Jeff
--
Jeffry Wisnia
(W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)
The speed of light is 1.8*10e12 furlongs per fortnight.
How cute.
A Wife.
Is the thought that first comes to your mind, "What a dick"?
V.
--
Veronique Chez Sheep
Mine was "What a Henny".
--
M C Hamster "Big Wheel Keep on Turnin'" -- Creedence Clearwater Revival
Well, the quote on the obverse is "This is worse than a divorce -- I
can't afford to move and that jerk's still living here."
/dps
Well, at least it answers ONE question.
> "This is worse than a divorce.
>
> I've lost half my money and still have my wife."
Sexism is fun!
--
Mark Steese
=======================================================================
PS: Your second question, you thought I forgot? I didn't. I never found the
banana slug. - William Least Heat-Moon
> jeff_wisnia <jwi...@dumpthisconversent.net> wrote in
> news:sbednSVPQbO8JJzW...@posted.choiceonecommunications:
>
> > "This is worse than a divorce.
> >
> > I've lost half my money and still have my wife."
>
> Sexism is fun!
It's not just sexist, it also plays on that old meme of every marriage
being an utter failure, which is kind of offensive too.
--
John Hatpin
http://uninformedcomment.wordpress.com/
Which isn't any better.
I just really hate the helpless whinging meme, "I hate my life partner
but what can you do?"
Get a therapist. Get a divorce. Learn to communicate. Stop being such
a dick. For starters.
Thank you!
It works just as well backwards; "I've lost half my money and still
have my husband!"
--
Kevin
BTW, I forgot to sign off as "A Divorcee", as a nod to Mary's
response. Just because my marriage eventually failed doesn't make it
inevitable, and it seems more accurate to blame myself (and my ex)
than to blame the institution of marriage.
> Get a therapist. Get a divorce. Learn to communicate. Stop being such
> a dick. For starters.
It must be a challenge for people who can't communicate to start
communicating, because that would require them to, you know,
communicate.
Your forgot "Go Bowling" or
"Have an Affair"
"If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut
up about it."
--Tom Lehrer
--
Please reply to: | "Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is
pciszek at panix dot com | indistinguishable from malice."
Autoreply is disabled |
Howz about" I lost half of my spouse and still have my money"?
Alex, that would be "problems even duct tape can't handle."
> On Nov 17, 1:04�am, Mark Steese <mark_ste...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> jeff_wisnia <jwis...@dumpthisconversent.net> wrote
>> innews:sbednSVPQbO8JJz
> WnZ2dnUV...@posted.choiceonecommunications:
>>
>> > "This is worse than a divorce.
>>
>> > I've lost half my money and still have my wife."
>>
>> Sexism is fun!
>
> It works just as well backwards; "I've lost half my money and still
> have my husband!"
Given that it doesn't work forwards, I'm inclined to agree with you.
Develop a sense of humour.
Hay!
/dps
Nice.
Look at it this way: V. can be grateful she's not married to someone
who find passive-aggressive potshots at a spouse funny, and you can be
glad that you're not married to someone who won't laugh at being
treated like crap.
Mary
Aw. I LOL'd because I heard it in a Henny Youngman voice.
Jeannie
Okay, I laughed.
And there's, you know, joke about it, drink, grit your teeth and say
the world isn't about having what you want but doing what you're
supposed to, God doesn't want you to be happy, he wants you to be
good, and soldier on in the way most people do about their
relationships and careers and every other aspect of their lives.
But way to suck all the air out of a thread, Neeky.
And we can all be glad we're not married to you.
Huh, Henny Youngman? I'd heard Rodney Dangerfield.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY
Xho
How would the "wife" version work if the teller was a Lesbian?
Xho
Being a cunt isn't much of an improvement, is it?
>On Nov 17, 5:37�pm, Jesper Lauridsen <rorsc...@sorrystofanet.dk>
I'm pretty sure that Larry, Moe, and Curly didn't REALLY poke each
other in the eyes with their fingers all the time.
Henny was the "take my wife...please" guy, so I thought of him first.
Jeannie
Fuck...Bob Ward said something funny! I'm going to die in a fire!
Yeah...yeah, in my head, I'm hearing Ellen doing a little Rodney
thing..."You know, I uh tell you, I I don't get any respect, yeah,
that's what it is. You know, Anne Heche, she called, and she said, uh,
"come on over, there's nobody home." So I went over there, you know,
because Anne Heche called me, right? So I'm going to go over
there...and there was no one home. The house, Anne's house, it was
empty. So I don't get any respect, it's not easy being me. That's what
I mean."
Naturally. I'm sure Mary's glad she's not married to all of us.
--
Opus the Penguin
The best darn penguin in all of Usenet
Won a Jenny Craig scholarship?
HUH! And I thought of Donald Trump!
[whistling quietly to self, backing towards the exit]
If you are married to enough people, one of them is bound to have kick
ass health insurance you can get in on.
Don't worry, that feeling is quite mutual.
Mary
Nah, if I were going to marry a penguin you'd be the first in line.
Mary
Disrespectful and snotty, just like it looks in the straight version.
Mary
Yeah, great, but I was asking someone who understands that the Joker
isn't really in the back yard.
Xho
--
On the other hand, I understand Keith Ledger really is dead.
"Take my wife, for example."
"Met a bum on the street last week, said he hadn't had a bite in
a week, so I bought him a sandwich."
"Just flew in from the coast, boy am I tired!" "Hmmm... must be
jet lag."
"Doc, it hurts when I do that!" "Hmmm� could be arthritis."
And you know, sugartits, some people who feel the way we do about
each other, at least some of the time, are actually married, which is
why that joke works.
"How does he smell things?"
"Inside a dog are various internal organs and blood."
"I *am* serious, and my name's John, by the way."
--
John Hatpin
http://uninformedcomment.wordpress.com/
That was one thing away from being funny, I think.
I was about to offer up a "WTF?", myself.
And thank you for seeming to deem my entries as funny.
So this Gentile goes into a clothing store and tries on a suit. He
says, "This is a very nice suit. How much is it?"
The salesman says, "That suit is $2,000."
The Gentile says, "Fine, I'll take it."
A Gentile calls up his mother and says, "Mom, I can't have dinner
with you this week. Something's come up."
His mother says, "That's fine, sweetie. I'll see you next week."
Two Gentile women pass each other in the street. The one says to the
other, "I just saw your son. You never told me he was a doctor!"
Two Gentile businessmen meet on the street. One says, "How's
business?" The other replies, "Couldn't be better�how you doing?"
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's
too dark to read."
I missed the "of".
I didn't say the joke didn't work. I said it was a disgusting way for
people to talk about each other.
But then your default method of communication is "disgusting".
Mary
I was thinking of the "things," more. Switching from punchlines to
straightlines stepped on the joke slightly, but mostly because a
pattern was already in place. Woulda worked OK if it had statred the
cascade.
Is that joke as famous in the UK as the other ones are? It's
completely unknown over here. Was there some celebrity there who made
it famous?
--
M C Hamster "Big Wheel Keep on Turnin'" -- Creedence Clearwater Revival
A man walks into a bar, has a beer, and goes home.
"Completely unknown?" Jayzus. Not only is it iconic, it's USAnian,
if a little marxian. (Dunno if I should use that word, lest it call
in the Leftian.)
Keith?
Mary
Yeah...yeah, its important that you understand here a little thing we
like to call "the joker doesn't live in our back yard"
> But then your default method of communication is "disgusting".
Aw, shut yer pie hole.
I don't know about in the UK, but I was under the impression that it
was about the most often-quoted quote on the internet.
Bill offered jokes which were deliberately spoiled by rephrasing the
punchline as a straight line. I kept on, but omitted the joke part,
writing only the straight/punchline while aiming for the rest to be
obvious. It was a nod to a thread about nun jokes in that latter vein
we did a few months ago. It's a format of meta-joke that I enjoy.
I'm sorry I caused confusion.
Indeed. If someone had asked me who was being quoted, my first guess
would have been Mark Twain.
Jeannie
Other than Groucho Marx?
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's
too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
Mark Twain never shot an elephant in his pajamas, either.
> >Indeed. If someone had asked me who was being quoted, my first guess
> >would have been Mark Twain.
> >
> >Jeannie
>
>
> Mark Twain never shot an elephant in his pajamas, either.
Wouldn't have fit.
--
http://www.daviddfriedman.com/ http://daviddfriedman.blogspot.com/
Author of
_Future Imperfect: Technology and Freedom in an Uncertain World_,
Cambridge University Press.
Yes, Bob, that's a saying about a dog too. Well done!
>Bob Ward wrote:
>
>> On Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:53:52 +0000, John Hatpin
>> <RemoveThi...@gmailAndThisToo.com> wrote:
>>
>> >>
>> >> Is that joke as famous in the UK as the other ones are? It's
>> >> completely unknown over here. Was there some celebrity there who made
>> >> it famous?
>> >
>> >I don't know about in the UK, but I was under the impression that it
>> >was about the most often-quoted quote on the internet.
>> >--
>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Internet,_nobody_knows_you're_a_dog
>
>Yes, Bob, that's a saying about a dog too. Well done!
Results 1 - 10 of about 882,000 for inside of a dog it's too dark to
read. (0.28 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 1,320,000 for on the internet no one knows
you're a dog. (0.38 seconds)
Better than yours scored, it appears.
Please God, if you're listening...kill Bob Ward.
<snipped>
>
> "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's
> too dark to read."
>
> I missed the "of".
That ranks right up there with Woody Allen's:
"Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana."
Jeff
--
Jeffry Wisnia
(W1BSV + Brass Rat '57 EE)
The speed of light is 1.8*10e12 furlongs per fortnight.
> On 2009-11-17, Veronique <veroniq...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>Get a therapist. Get a divorce. Learn to communicate. Stop being such
>>a dick. For starters.
>
>
> Develop a sense of humour.
I've long noticed that there is a positive correlation between a
person's intelligence and their sense of humor.
Jeff (Married 49 years already...)
><snipped>
>> "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's
>> too dark to read."
>> I missed the "of".
>That ranks right up there with Woody Allen's:
>"Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana."
It is attributed to Groucho Marx.
Les
Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh
heh heh
Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Heh heh heh.
that's a good one!!
I know of several exceptions, both ways.
The Right Reverend Bishop Arthur Walmsley [known by many as "King"
Arthur], had almost no sense of humor, or at least seemed to have no
sense of humor.
On the other hand, I knew a Town Hall custodian who was somewhat
mentally challenged, and yet who had a great sense of humor, of a
certain type [especially when it came to "practical" jokes].
Charles
They found him dead at the bottom of a palm tree.
--
Bill in Vancouver
Yes, you are correct Les....
Jeff (Falling on his sword...)
Wow. I don't have a sense of humor AND I'm stupid. Such a charmer!
V.
--
Veronique Chez Sheep
> On Nov 20, 2:25ᅵpm, jeff_wisnia <jwis...@dumpthisconversent.net>
LOL!
>>>That ranks right up there with Woody Allen's:
>>>"Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana."
>> It is attributed to Groucho Marx.
>Yes, you are correct Les....
>Jeff (Falling on his sword...)
Bananas and time, as we read it
Caused some doubt when Jeff posted who said it.
The words that he quoted
Were correct as he noted,
But he gave the wrong guy all the credit.
Les
I don't get it.
--
Opus the Penguin
The best darn penguin in all of Usenet
>I don't get it.
TMI, Ope..... Besides, the thread most relevant is thataway.
(give her neck a nuzzle)
Damn ... I thought it was my AI instructor.
/dps
Well, see, I was laughing a lot, to show my sense of humor, and
thus my lofty intelligence.
Tons better, in fact.
"Nobody Knows You're a Dog" Results 1-10 of about 2,830,000. (This
one everyone knows.)
"Outside of a Dog" Results 1-10 of about 117,000. (This one is an
obscure Groucho Marx quote, as Google clearly shows.)
Welcome to AFCA's "fairly inexplicable" department:
Results 1 - 10 of about 117,000 for "outside of a dog".
Results 1 - 10 of about 615,000 for "inside of a dog it's too dark to
read".
Results 1 - 10 of about 482,000 for "inside of a dog it's too dark to
read" marx
Your Google Fu is not strong. The phrase "A book is man's best friend"
returns 7,950,000 results; the variation "A book is a man's best friend"
returns another 328,000 results. It would seem that references to the
"obscure" Groucho quotation are more than three times as common as
references to the one "everyone" knows.
--
Mark Steese
=======================================================================
PS: Your second question, you thought I forgot? I didn't. I never found
the banana slug. - William Least Heat-Moon
Not in the slightest. Instead, it would seem that, rather than my
Google Fu not being strong, your logic is positively faulty. Here,
let me explain it to you.
The Groucho joke absolutely requires the "outside of a dog" phrase, in
order for it to be a joke. The well-known adage "A book is man's
best friend" (or "a man's best friend") by itself is no indication one
way or the other about the popularity of the Groucho joke. If
Groucho had said "A book is man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too
dark to read", that's not a good joke because it requires the
"Outside of a dog" phrase in order to work with the punchline. There's
the double meaning of "outside" in the setup, which is why the quip is
funny. If you leave out "outside", it doesn't work as a joke.
We aren't discussing the popularity of the phrase "A book is man's
best friend", we're discussing Groucho's joke. Because we were
talking about jokes here. Now if we were talking about whether the
adage "A book is man's best friend" is well-known or not, perhaps your
search results would be relevant. But we weren't, and they aren't.
That is precisely why I Googled on the "Outside of a dog" part of the
quip, because that is what Groucho added to the well-known adage "a
book is man's best friend", to allow him to make his joke. If you
don't include that in a description of Groucho's joke, then you aren't
talking about his joke, you're only talking about the adage, and
that's not what we're talking about here, we're talking about jokes. I
will acknowledge that it's possible that some other variants on the
open phrase might be relevant (e.g., "Outside of your dog"... or
"outside of one's dog"... or something like that) and those could and
should be added to my total, but I doubt those will make it become
more widely cited than "on the internet nobody knows you're a dog"
line.
By your logic, you can prove how many know the quip "No man is an
island... he's a peninsula" by Googling just the phrase "No man is an
island". Surely you see this is irrelevant to the question of how
many people know the quip.
But thanks for playing.
You can explain until our porcine cousins take wing over the frozen
reaches of Hell, but it doesn't mean a great deal when a casual
inspection shows that the overwhelming number of hits are for
Groucho. The fact that this does not make sense,exactly, is the whole
point of the fu, as it were: Google isn't purely logical, and what
looks like the best search phrase at first, second, or third glance
sometimes ain't. Steese's phrase gave me the same number of hits, and
the first 100, at least, all are about the Grouchoism in question.
Spot checking further in suggests this pattern repeats.
Phrases that are too common show less hits, since otherwise it would
clog. Try Googling dirt-simple phrases like "I am" or "I was", and
you'll see that the number of hits increases, but only by about a
factor of 10 or twenty. Does that sound proportional to you?