Pittsburgh Tribune-Review - Let's Barry the hatchet
Scooter
Pittsburgh Tribune-Review
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Let's Barry the hatchet
By Dan Kaczmarski
The Cornell study was the last straw. Oh, its goal was legitimate enough
-- to gauge how much other people really notice when we commit what we're
certain is a faux pas.
But it was the methodology that pushed me over the edge. Scientists made
college-age volunteers wear Barry Manilow T-shirts in front of their
peers. According to The Week magazine: "The mortified students expected to
be relentlessly mocked and to suffer a loss of status." As it turned out,
only 25 percent of onlookers noticed.
Enough is enough. As I near 60, I've reached the stage in life where it's
time to be honest. I own a Barry Manilow's greatest hits CD. Before that,
I owned a Barry Manilow cassette, and before that a Barry Manilow vinyl
album.
Well, technically the album belonged to both my wife and me, although in a
custody battle I don't think she would have mustered much of a fight. She
covered for me for years, but we both knew it was mine. It was our little
secret.
Over the years, the fatigue of living a lie has worn me down.
Increasingly, I listen to Barry with others in the room. Their responses
are predictable, for apparently Barry Manilow is to pop music what Richard
Nixon was to the U.S. presidency. Even if you don't know much about him,
you know enough to know you're supposed to ridicule him.
To an extent, that's understandable. It probably would have been better if
"Copacabana" had never been released. But surely the '70s would have
lacked something integral without "Weekend in New England" and "Mandy."
So I'm taking a stand and offering charter membership in "The ABC Club."
It's a fraternity for men tired of turning down the radio at stoplights --
guys who pack enough testosterone to rise up and shout "ABBA, BARRY, AND
THE CARPENTERS RULE!!"
Please, someone join me here or I'm going to feel a little foolish.
There must be another guy out there who owns the "ABBA Gold" video. Back
in the '70s, I didn't know much about the group except that they put out a
new song every couple of months, were Swedish, and were somehow married to
each other.
About 10 years ago, I bought my wife the video -- a collection of the
group's greatest hits -- for her to jog to on our basement treadmill. The
rest is history.
You know how it goes. You walk through the room while your wife is
running, the music triggers memories, you notice that Agnetha is kind of
hot.
I've since viewed the tape, oh, more than a few times, usually while
laboring on our stationary bike. The videos are pedestrian by today's
standards. Mostly, they involve the foursome singing, dancing demurely, or
gazing into each others' eyes.
But I'm hooked on the buoyant beat and the innocent lyrics, and I try to
imagine the lives behind the youthful faces -- the hopes, the aspirations,
the divorces to come. Agnetha, the blond, may be sexier, but you wonder if
Anna-Frida, the brunette, might not be more fun.
Inevitably, the timer on the bike beeps me back to the present -- to an
angrier world where shock-jocks rule, rock is angst-laden, and rap is
vicious.
Although Barry and the Swedes have long been secret pleasures, faced with
a choice, I'd have to surrender them for my "Carpenters Classics" CD.
The accepted wisdom is that brother Richard smothered his sister's talent,
shackling her to syrupy ballads. Noted music critic Dave Barry nominated
"Close to You" as one of the worst songs ever.
But would we really trade "Superstar" to hear Karen Carpenter singing
scat, country or hip-hop? She was perfectly suited to the Carpenters' hits
-- less a diva than the girl you could picture yourself living with 10
years down the road.
But guys and Carpenters aren't supposed to mix. When I requested their
greatest hits as part of our family Christmas gift exchange, my sister-in-
law waited for me to finish the joke.
So what do you say, guys? Why don't we get together and take a stand? We
can start small, by cranking up the volume on the soft-rock stations. Then
we can move on to humming a few bars of "Dancing Queen" in the elevator.
Finally, we can sing out in the hallways, letting the world know with one
deep voice, "Looks Like We Made It."
T-shirts are optional.
Dan Kaczmarski is a freelance writer from Gaithersburg, Md.
.................
--
Scooter
kimc
I'm glad this guy had the testicular fortitude to write this-very cute
article.
As for the actual study, my son brought it home when they studied it
in his Social Psych class at UCLA a few years back, and it's really
quite interesting.
Jackie
Family Guy had a cute episode on the guys admitting they listened to
Barry and were softies too. :-)
Interesting how fused into our culture and defining ol' Barry is,
isn't it?!
Jackie
kimc
>
> Family Guy had a cute episode on the guys admitting they listened to
> Barry and were softies too. :-)
That's a show he watches, and I found it amusing when he told me about
it-my son is a music freak, and has no problems admitting that Barry
is very talented. He just doesn't like or understand all of the cover
albums when he is capable of making 'relevant music' as he has proved
more than once. I have to agree, but I'm looking forward to this next
one in spite of the whole 'cover album' glut of late. Can't wait to
see if Barry puts his own soul into some of these great classics!
>
> Interesting how fused into our culture and defining ol' Barry is,
> isn't it?!
>
> Jackie
Yes, it is! And the fact that he's still out there and we still love
him, is kind of like giving the finger to all of those who dismissed
him back in the day we smart people first discovered him. :-)
Kim
Judy
When I saw it, it was absolutely hysterical! I think the best part is
when all the guys are sitting in the diner singing Ready to Take A
Chance Again...it's classic.. :-) And my nephew who is 20 also agrees
that Barry is extremely talented. Interesting coming from a 20 year old.
Happy New Year all!
Judy