How to be a good Demonrat
John Distai
HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT:
- You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.
- You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how
to read is somehow qualified to teach those kids about sex.
- You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese
communists.
- You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. -
- You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by
yuppies driving Suv's.
- You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual
is natural.
- You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
- You have believed that businesses create oppression and governments create
prosperity.
- You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
- You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing
something to earn it.
- You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
- You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of
the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution.
- You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
- You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history that Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee
or Thomas Edison.
- You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas
and set-asides aren't.
- You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
- You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere
it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
- You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a
liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
- You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites
and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal.
- You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese
is somehow in the best interest of the United States.