Be Nice, No DesElms Jokes Please, Especially Like These...
GDE
very disturbing. So are the kind of jokes these indecent activities will
engender, like this one:
DesElms is in bed with his Chinese hooker. He turns to the whore and says,
"Honey me horny, me so horny, I wanta 69, I wanta 69!" The whore turns to
DesElms and says "Why you want spicy beef and broccoli now?!!!!"
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Let's all show our restraint and courtesy to whoremonger Gregg DesElms,
and not be telling any dirty, disrespectful jokes like this:
DesElms is out in the Minnesota wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's
been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could
forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines
covering most of it and DesElms can't see any other buildings in the area.
However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers, with a beard almost
down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What you want?"
DesElms says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a
decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could
have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I let you come in on one condition: You no mess
around with my granddaughter" DesElms, exhausted and hungry readily
agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way
tomorrow morning." The old Chinese man counters "OK, but if I do catch you
then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to
man." "OK, OK" DesElms said as he entered the old house. Besides, he
thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness
all her life? Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after
showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an
absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been
many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the
occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep
their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, DesElms snuck into the girl's bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. DesElms crept back to his
room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would
be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning DesElms awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He
opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was
a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". "What
a lame torture test" DesElms thought to himself as he got up and walked
over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the
backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture
test: Rock tied to right testicle". DesElms, seeing the rock was too far
out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside
the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left
testicle tied to bed post".
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Poor Greg DesElms really is trying to do his best for these unfortunate
girls. We really should support him, and not tell lame jokes like this:
DesElms gets a Chinese hooker, and brings her back to his hotel room. He
is trying to warm her up for the task at hand, but finds he is unable to
get her wet. She says, "well get yourself ready and I'll be back wet." He
gets ready and she comes back dripping wet. They do it and he asks, "How
did you get yourself so wet?" She replies, "I just picked the scabs and
let the puss run."
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What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash and resell her crack.
Why was the Chinese hooker upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.
Why can't Chinese hookers be cattle ranchers?
They can't keep their calves together!
Why is a Chinese hooker like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.
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Those are all terrible jokes and I hope nobody here will reduce themselves
to that level by telling them.
Here's a story Greg DesElms told me: "So I was fuckin' this girl in the
ass the other day and she turned around and so I said, 'Do I know you?'
And the girl says back to me, 'Do I know you? Isn't that a presumptuous
question at this point in time?'
So I say back to her, 'Presumptuous? Isn't that large word for a six year
old?'"
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Greg DesElms tells me that when he first started visiting Chinese
whorehouses, he was so stupid he thought that ping pong balls were a
venereal disease from China.
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Greg DesElms, a black guy, and a chinese guy are standing outside a
massage parlor. They make a bet to see who could make the hooker scream.
The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then
DesElms goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.
The Chinese guy goes in and after a few minutes she is screaming bloody
murder. Then he comes out, and DesElms said how did you do that, and the
Chinese guy goes "Me Chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my
dick!"
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Why does Greg DesElms think sex like a bridge game?
You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
What sign do the Chinese hookers put on the door of the whorehouse when
they see Greg DesElms outside?
Beat it - we're closed.
What's a Chinese hooker's favorite day
of the year? Erection Day!
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A large gorilla was roaming through the jungle. He was extremely horny.
Peering through the brush he saw Greg DesElms sleeping on a knoll.
Rushing forward he seized DesElms and before DesElms could respond the
gorilla had his way with him. The gorilla went off running and laughing
through the forest.
Coming to his senses DesElms grabbed his rifle and took off
after the gorilla. The gorilla spots a tent with nobody around, jumps
inside, pulls on a pair of pants and a shirt and hat, and grabs a
newspaper
and begins reading.
All of a sudden DesElms bursts into the tent, and stops short. "Hey, have
you seen a big gorilla?" he yells. "You mean the one who
just fucked you in the ass?" responds the gorilla. Says DesElms "You mean
it's in the papers already?"
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Why does DesElms like to watch porno movies backwards?
He likes to see when the hooker gives the money back.
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A chinese hooker walks into a shop with a parrot on her shoulder, and the
shopkeeper says, "Blimey, where did you get that?". And the parrot says,
"Greg DesElms' house. There's loads of 'em there."
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DesElms met a Chinese hooker and asked for a blow job.
She replied, "I can give you head for twenty-five dollars."
He then searched his pockets and scratched his head and asked her what he
could get for seventeen dollars.
She says that he can get "The Penguin". Befuddled, DesElms queries,
"What's the penguin?"
The Chinese hooker tells him to give her the seventeen dollars, drop his
pants and she'll show him.
He hesitates, but finally gives her the money and drops his pants.
As she flees with all speed, he chases her, three inches to a stride,
yelling, "WAIT, WAIT, WHAT'S THE PENGUIN?"
Shecky Tait